Original subtitles

HOW ABOUT IT, SHERIFF? CAN I GO? JUST A SECOND, OTIS.

WE GOT TO GET SOMETHING SETTLED HERE.

NOW, ANDY, YOU GET A CHANCE TO DO SOME REAL POLICE WORK

AND YOU PASS IT UP. WHY?

BARNEY, YOU'RE MAKING A BIG BAWLING VOLCANO

OUT OF A LITTLE WET WEATHER SPRING.

OH, HOW ABOUT IT, SHERIFF? MY 24 HOURS IS UP.

I'M TRYING, OTIS.

YOU JUST GONNA LET HIM WALK OUT, HUH?

WELL, HE ALWAYS DOES.

THAT'S JUST THE POINT.

WE'RE ENTIRELY TOO LAX AROUND HERE.

NOW, IN THE BIG CITY JAILS, THEY GIVE SOBRIETY TESTS.

SOBRIETY TESTS?

TO FIND OUT WHETHER OR NOT A MAN IS SOBER.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO DO IT HERE, TOO.

WELL, I BELIEVE A SOBRIETY TEST

IS GIVEN TO A PRISONER WHEN YOU FIRST BRING HIM IN.

NOW, YOU OUGHT TO HAVE DONE THAT TO OTIS LAST NIGHT.

OH, ANDY, YOU KNOW WE COULDN'T HAVE GIVEN A SOBRIETY TEST

TO OTIS LAST NIGHT.

WELL, WHY NOT?

HE WAS TOO DRUNK.

NOW, COME ON, JUST LET ME GIVE HIM AN ALERTNESS TEST.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO ME.

OTIS...

SHERIFF...

TAKE THE TEST.

OTIS CAMPBELL...

YOU WAS BROUGHT IN HERE ON THE CHARGE OF DRUNKENNESS.

NOW, IT'S MY JOB TO SEE IF YOU'RE FIT

TO TAKE YOUR PLACE IN SOCIETY AGAIN.

IT WAS LAST NIGHT I HAD A SNOOTFUL.

I'M ALL RIGHT THIS MORNING.

WE'LL DETERMINE THAT IN JUST A MINUTE.

NOW, I'M GONNA TEST YOUR REACTIONS

AND YOUR REFLEXES.

THIS JAIL'S GETTING TO BE AS BAD AS HOME.

NOW, FIRST WE'RE GOING TO TRY

A LITTLE VERBAL COORDINATION TEST.

NOW, I'M GONNA SAY A SENTENCE

AND THEN I WANT YOU TO SEE IF YOU CAN SAY IT.

NOW, YOU READY?

NOW, HERE IT IS.

PETER PIPER PICKED A PECK OF PICKLED POP...

PETER PIPER PICKED A PACK OF PICKLED PEP...

PETER PICKLE PICKED A PECK OF PICK...

PEPPER PETER PICKLE PICKED PECK OF...

PETER PIPER PICKED A PECK OF PICKLED PEPPERS.

IS THAT IT?

YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW FOR A LITTLE MUSCLE COORDINATION.

NOW, HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

SPREAD YOUR ARMS OUT,

CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND BRING YOUR HANDS TOGETHER

AND TOUCH YOUR FINGERTIPS.

GOT THAT?

ALL RIGHT, LET'S SEE YOU DO IT.

[ Nasally ] ALL RIGHT, OTIS.

OTIS?

OTIS, LET GO, OTIS.

OTIS, LET GO.

OKAY...

NOW, OTIS, YOU KNOW, WHEN A MAN'S BEEN DRINKING,

THE FIRST THING HE LOSES IS HIS ENDURANCE.

NOW, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A LITTLE ENDURANCE TEST.

LET'S JUST SEE HOW MUCH ENDURANCE YOU'VE GOT, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, OTIS.

ON YOUR FEET.

NOW, LIFT YOUR RIGHT FOOT.

WHEN I GIVE THE COMMAND, START HOPPING ON YOUR LEFT.

READY?

HEP!

ON COMMAND, CHANGE FEET.

HEP!

HEP!

HEP!

HEP!

HEP.

[ Weakly ] HEP.

CAN I GO NOW?

BARNEY...

WELL, THAT REALLY IS...

THAT'S THE MOST SCIENTIFIC TEST I EVER SAW.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU OUGHT TO WRITE THAT UP AND SEND IT IN TO THE F.B.I.

CALL IT THE "BARNEY FIFE

PETER PIPER NOSE-PINCHING TEST FOR DRUNKS."

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO.

OH, HELLO, MAYOR.

YES, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE RIGHT UP.

BARNEY, THE MAYOR WANTS US

TO COME UP TO HIS OFFICE RIGHT AWAY.

COME ON. YOU READY?

ALL RIGHT, FOLLOW ME.

HEP!

THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

VERY FUNNY.

AND WE'LL HELP YOU IN ANY WAY WE CAN.

OH, COME IN, ANDY.

I'M GLAD YOU CAME RIGHT ON UP.

ANDY, SAY HOW DO YOU DO TO MRS. WICKES AND MRS. BIXBY.

THIS IS SHERIFF TAYLOR AND HIS DEPUTY.

HOW DO, LADIES?

ANDY, THESE LOVELY LADIES ARE HERE

FROM THAT FINE ORGANIZATION, THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY.

OH, IS THAT RIGHT?

YES. THEY'VE COME HERE TO HONOR US.

TELL THE SHERIFF, LADIES.

MAYBERRY SHOULD BE VERY PROUD, SHERIFF TAYLOR.

IT WILL FINALLY GET THE RECOGNITION IT DESERVES

FOR THE INCIDENT AT MAYBERRY BRIDGE

DURING OUR GREAT WAR OF INDEPENDENCE.

I DON'T BELIEVE I KNOW.

SOMETHING HAPPENED OVER AT THE BRIDGE?

GO ON. TELL HIM.

OH, YES.

A SOLDIER FROM RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY, NATHAN TIBBS,

RAN EIGHT MILES THROUGH THE SNOW,

SET THE BRIDGE ON FIRE

JUST IN TIME TO PREVENT THE ENEMY FROM CROSSING.

WELL, I DECLARE.

BECAUSE OF THAT ONE MAN'S BRAVERY,

GENERAL WASHINGTON'S MEN WERE ABLE TO CAPTURE

AN ENTIRE REGIMENT.

OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT THAT?

NOW, THAT IS INTERESTING.

WELL, REALLY, THE EXCITING PART IS THIS.

LIVING RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY

IS THE DIRECT DESCENDANT OF NATHAN TIBBS.

NO.

YES. GO ON. TELL HIM. IS THAT RIGHT, LADIES?

WELL, SO FAR WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TRACE HIM

IN ANY OF THE OTHER TOWNS.

YOUR MAYOR HAS BEEN KIND ENOUGH

TO LET US BORROW THE LOCAL RECORDS

SO WE CAN TAKE THEM TO OUR HEADQUARTERS AND STUDY.

THAT THE DESCENDANT IT IS JUST POSSIBLE

MAY BE LIVING RIGHT HERE NOW IN MAYBERRY.

THE CELEBRATION WILL BE ON WEDNESDAY

RIGHT HERE IN MY OFFICE,

AND, BOY, WHAT A DAY THAT'LL BE FOR MAYBERRY.

NEWSPAPERMEN, PHOTOGRAPHERS.

[ LAUGHS ] COME ON, LADIES.

LET ME GET YOU THOSE RECORDS.

GOOD-BYE, GENTLEMEN.

IF YOU'RE INTERESTED,

I ALSO HAVE A DAUGHTER WHO SINGS.

AND FOR THE OCCASION, SHE MIGHT SING "YANKEE DOODLE"

OR "JIMMY CRACK CORN" OR...

SHE'S DONE VERY WELL WITH THAT ONE.

HEY, ANDY, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

A REVOLUTIONARY WAR HERO LIVING RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

YEAH.

WHO DO YOU SUPPOSE IT COULD BE?

I DON'T KNOW.

COULD BE ANYBODY, YOU KNOW?

YEAH, IT COULD, COULDN'T IT?

YEAH.

ANDY. HMM?

WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY IF IT TURNED OUT TO BE ME?

YOU? YEAH.

YEAH, I RECKON IT WOULD.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

WELL, YOU SAID WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNY,

SO I'M LAUGHING.

OH, I DIDN'T MEAN FUNNY IN THAT WAY.

[ LAUGHING ]

YOU KNOW, ANDY, SOMETIMES YOU GO JUST A LITTLE TOO FAR.

OH. WELL -- WELL, GOLLY, BARNEY. I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THAT SENSITIVE ABOUT IT.

WELL, I AM. I'M VERY SENSITIVE.

I'M LIKE MY MOTHER. SHE'S VERY SENSITIVE.

ALL US FIFES ARE SENSITIVE.

OH. WELL --

WELL, IN THAT CASE, BARNEY, I'M -- I'M VERY SORRY.

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

NEXT TIME, JUST -- JUST THINK.

OH. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT.

BESIDES, WELL, WHAT'S SO IMPOSSIBLE

ABOUT MY BEING RELATED TO A REVOLUTIONARY WAR HERO?

UH, NOTHING.

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE

THERE'S A NATHAN TIBBS IN YOUR FAMILY TREE.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, THOUGH.

THERE MIGHT BE A PETER PIPER IN IT.

OH, HI, ANDY. HOWDY, BOYS.

FOUND OUT ANY MORE ABOUT THAT THERE NATHAN TIBBS?

FOUND OUT WHO HIS KIN MIGHT BE?

NO, NOT YET, JUDD.

THE LADIES ARE WORKING ON IT, THOUGH.

COULD BE ANY OF US, COULDN'T IT, SHERIFF?

IT COULD.

COULD BE ME, HUH?

[ LAUGHS ] YEAH.

WHOEVER IT IS,

IT'LL BE A MIGHTY BIG THING FOR THE TOWN, WON'T IT?

[ LAUGHS ]

WONDER WHERE BARNEY'S BEEN ALL MORNING.

PA, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

ASK AWAY.

LET ME GET THAT SHOE THERE. GET UP HERE.

IS IT BARELY POSSIBLE

THAT NATHAN TIBBS COULD'VE BEEN MY GRANDPA?

COME ON, OPIE. IS IT, PA?

NO, IT'S NOT BARELY POSSIBLE NOR REMOTELY POSSIBLE.

SEE, IF NATHAN TIBBS WAS YOUR GRANDPA,

THAT'D MAKE HIM MY PA,

AND THAT'D MAKE ME OUT TO BE AT LEAST 170 YEARS OLD.

NOW, YOU DON'T THINK I'M THAT OLD, DO YOU?

GOSH, NO, PA.

GOOD.

YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK 70 YEARS OLD.

THANKS.

SEE, OPIE, A LOT OF FOLKS COULD START CLAIMING

THAT NATHAN TIBBS WAS THEIR ANCESTOR,

BUT THAT AIN'T POSSIBLE.

HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN GREAT-GREAT-GRANDDAD

TO ALL THE FOLKS IN THIS TOWN.

WHY NOT, PA?

GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS THE FATHER OF THIS WHOLE COUNTRY.

WELL, THAT'S DIFFERENT. HOW IS IT DIFFERENT?

WELL, YOU SEE, IN ONE CASE, "FATHER" --

UH, WELL, UH... "FATHER" MEANS...

WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS SOME OTHER TIME?

NOW, YOU GET ON OFF THE STOOL.

HOW ABOUT A CATCH, PA?

I'LL GIVE YOU ONE CATCH. GET UP THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. READY?

OH!

NOW, YOU GET ON OVER THERE TO SCHOOL.

DON'T BE LATE, NOW.

I WON'T, PA.

HI, OPE. HI!

HI, ANDY.

OH, HOWDY, BARNEY. WHAT YOU GOT THERE?

WAIT TILL YOU SEE. JUST WAIT.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE. SEE WHAT?

YOU WANT TO SEE? I SURE DO.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT.

BARNEY...

WELL, IT'S ABOUT NATHAN TIBBS AND HIS DESCENDANT.

I KNOW WHO THE DESCENDANT IS.

YOU DO? WHO?

[ WHISTLING "YANKEE DOODLE" ]

YOU?

BARNEY FIFE?

BARNEY TIBBS FIFE.

I THOUGHT YOUR MIDDLE NAME WAS OLIVER.

WELL, THERE'S A TIBBS IN THERE SOMEPLACE.

LOOK AT THIS.

SEE? NOW, THIS IS A CHART OF NATHAN TIBBS' FAMILY TREE.

WELL, WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

OVER AT THE LIBRARY.

YOU MEAN, THIS WHOLE THING WAS IN THE LIBRARY?

WELL, NOT THE WHOLE THING.

JUST THE START OF IT. THE REST I DEDUCED.

OH, YOU DEDUCED?

YEAH, IT DEDUCES RIGHT OUT TO ME.

ME, BARNEY FIFE.

I ALMOST STARTED TO CRY RIGHT IN THE LIBRARY.

YOU DID?

NOW, SEE, IT STARTS UP HERE WITH NATHAN TIBBS

AND HIS WIFE, ANNA.

THEN IT FOLLOWS DOWN THROUGH ALL THIS BEGATTIN'

DOWN TO WHERE OTTO TIBBS

MARRIED DORIS WHITE

AND THEY BEGAT A DAUGHTER NAMED HELEN.

NOW, THIS IS WHERE THE EVIDENCE BEGINS TO PILE UP.

HELEN TIBBS MARRIED THE SECOND COUSIN

OF A FELLA NAMED DUNCAN FIFE.

I BELIEVE I'VE HEARD OF HIM.

I THINK HE WAS A CARPENTER OR SOMETHING.

PRETTY CLOSE, I GUESS.

WELL, DO YOU GET THE PICTURE?

SEE, THIS IS WHERE THE TIBBS FAMILY

AND THE FIFES GOT TOGETHER FOR THE FIRST TIME.

AND THEY KEPT ON BEGETTIN' AND BEGETTIN'

TILL FINALLY THEY BEGOT YOU.

IS THAT WHAT YOU DEDUCED?

IT'S RIGHT HERE IN BLACK AND WHITE, ANDY.

WELL, THERE'S JUST

ONE LITTLE BITTY FLAW THERE, BARNEY.

I BELIEVE THE FIFE FELLA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT

SPELLED HIS NAME P-H-Y-F-E AND YOU SPELL YOURS F-I-F-E.

WELL, SOONER OR LATER, SOMEBODY HAD TO SPELL IT RIGHT.

WELL, WHAT I MEAN IS

THEY FINALLY SPELLED IT THE SIMPLE WAY.

I DON'T KNOW, BARNEY.

I WOULDN'T BE TOO SURE.

OH, ANDY, NO, THIS IS IT.

IT'S ME.

YEAH, I'M REALLY RELATED TO OLD NATE.

NATE?

WELL, SEEING AS HOW HE'S KIN...

WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BARNEY.

ALL I CAN TELL YOU IS RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY SECOND

THEM TWO LADIES THAT WAS IN HERE YESTERDAY,

THEY'RE BACK AT THEIR HEADQUARTERS

STUDYING THE RECORDS FOR THEMSELVES.

AND PRETTY SOON, WE'LL KNOW

WHO THE RIGHTFUL DESCENDANT OF NATHAN TIBBS ACTUALLY IS.

HARRIET, THERE'S NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT.

HE'S THE ONE.

NATHAN TIBBS' DESCENDANT.

AND HE DOES LIVE IN MAYBERRY AFTER ALL.

AND NOW, WHAT WAS THAT NAME ONCE AGAIN?

OTIS CAMPBELL.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

SHERIFF'S OFFICE.

DEPUTY FIFE SPEAKING.

OH, HI, ANDY.

A-ARE YOU COMING DOWN SOON?

OH, IT'S BEEN QUIET.

WELL, I-I HAD TO BRING OTIS CAMPBELL IN AGAIN LAST NIGHT.

YEAH, IT-IT IS UNUSUAL, TWO-TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW.

WELL, MUST HAVE HAD A TIFF AT HOME.

YEAH. OKAY.

YOU COMING RIGHT DOWN THEN?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU.

"HONORABLE MAYOR,

"LADIES OF THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY,

DISTINGUISHED GUESTS, FRIENDS..."

HEY, OTIS?

OTIS?

OTIS...

[ MUMBLING ]

CAN-CAN YOU SPARE A MINUTE?

THIS IS MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR THE AWARD.

I... I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO IT, OKAY?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

"HONORABLE MAYOR,

"LADIES OF THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY,

"DISTINGUISHED GUESTS, FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS...

"I STAND BEFORE YOU A HUMBLE MAN,

"ALL CHOKED UP WITH HUMBLENESS AND HUMILITY.

"IN ACCEPTIN' THIS AWARD,

"I CAN ONLY SAY I FEEL GRATEFUL TO YOU,

"HONORABLE MAYOR,

"LADIES OF THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY,

"DISTINGUISHED GUESTS,

"FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS.

"I WAS BORN RIGHT HERE IN MAYBERRY

"OF HUMBLE PARENTS IN A HUMBLE HOME,

"AND I WILL LONG REMEMBER THIS DAY, HONORABLE MAYOR,

"LADIES OF THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY,

FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS..."

Andy: YOU FORGOT DISTINGUISHED GUESTS.

OH, YEAH. DISTINGUISHED GUESTS.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN.

I THINK YOU OUGHT TO GET ANOTHER AWARD FOR HUMBLENESS.

KIND OF OVERDID IT, HUH?

A MITE.

BETTER TAKE OUT ONE "HUMBLE."

I WOULD.

WELL, MORNIN', LADIES.

Both: GOOD MORNING.

WELL, WE'RE THAT MUCH CLOSER TO THE CEREMONY NOW.

I IMAGINE YOU'VE BEEN RATHER CURIOUS.

YES.

OH, WE SURELY HAVE.

YOU GOT THE NAME

OF THE RIGHTFUL DESCENDANT, HAVE YOU?

WE CERTAINLY HAVE.

THIS IS IT, ANDY.

I JUST HOPE I DON'T CRY.

US FIFES ARE SO SENSITIVE.

WHO'S THE LUCKY PERSON?

THE NAME OF THE RIGHTFUL DESCENDANT

OF NATHAN TIBBS IS, UM... OTIS CAMPBELL.

OTIS CAMPBELL?

THERE. DIDN'T I TELL YOU?

OTIS CAMPBELL?

[ MUMBLING ]

MERCY, WHAT'S THAT?

OH, OH, NOTHING.

J-JUST A PRISONER.

PAY-PAY HIM NO MIND.

LADIES, ARE YOU SURE?

OH, YES. WE WENT THROUGH YOUR RECORDS

VERY THOROUGHLY.

OTIS CAMPBELL?

[ OTIS MUTTERING ]

OH, WELL, THANK YOU, LADIES.

THAT CERTAINLY IS EXCITING NEWS.

SHERIFF, IS MR. CAMPBELL FAR FROM HERE?

UH, NO.

WE WANT TO CALL ON HIM

AND GIVE HIM THE INFORMATION IN PERSON.

OH, WELL, I, UH,

I-I-I BELIEVE OTIS IS OUT OF TOWN.

OH, DEAR.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE?

UH, NO, BUT I KNOW HE'S OUT.

BUT WE-WE'LL TRACK HIM DOWN.

WELL, I HOPE SO,

BECAUSE WE'RE MAKING THE PRESENTATION

LATE THIS AFTERNOON.

WE'LL GET HIM.

MR. CAMPBELL SHOULD BE SO EXCITED

ABOUT THE NEWS.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO TELL HIM

AND WATCH HIS FACE LIGHT UP.

OH, HE'LL BE LIT UP ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL SEE YOU, THEN, LATER.

AND I DO HOPE

MR. CAMPBELL WILL BE WITH YOU.

GOOD-BYE, SHERIFF.

BYE, LADIES.

I GOT TO GET WITH THE MAYOR ON THIS RIGHT AWAY.

WE'D BETTER SOBER UP MAYBERRY'S MOST DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN

AND GET HIM OUT OF HERE

BEFORE THOSE TWO LADIES COME BACK.

OTIS CAMPBELL?!

WHAT?!

THE TOWN DRUNK BEING HONORED?

WE'LL BE A LAUGHINGSTOCK.

WE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO LIVE IT DOWN.

MAYBE WE OUGHT TO CALL THE CEREMONY OFF.

IT'S A DARK DAY FOR MAYBERRY.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WE CANNOT ALLOW OTIS CAMPBELL TO ACCEPT THAT PLAQUE.

THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. JUST HOLD ON.

I JUST DON'T SEE HOW WE CAN DEPRIVE OTIS

OF WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY HIS.

AFTER ALL, HE IS A DIRECT DESCENDANT OF NATHAN TIBBS.

AND HOW DO WE KNOW THAT NATHAN TIBBS HIMSELF

DIDN'T TAKE A TASTE OR TWO ONCE IN A WHILE?

WE CAN'T DEPEND ON OTIS.

HE MIGHT SHOW UP BOILED AS AN OWL.

WELL, HOW YOU GONNA DO IT?

ANDY, IT'S UP TO YOU.

WELL, YOU'RE CLOSER TO OTIS THAN ANY OF US.

WHY CAN'T YOU

HUSTLE HIM OUT OF TOWN FOR A COUPLE DAYS

AND SEE IF YOU CAN'T FIND SOMEBODY ELSE

TO ACCEPT THE PLAQUE FOR HIM?

IT AIN'T FAIR, MAYOR.

IT JUST AIN'T FAIR.

ANDY, WE'RE LOOKING TO YOU

TO SAVE THE DIGNITY OF OUR FAIR CITY.

GET US A SUBSTITUTE FOR OTIS CAMPBELL.

THIS IS THE BIGGEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

YOU'RE PRETTY EXCITED ABOUT IT, TOO, ARE YOU, MRS. CAMPBELL?

OH, I CERTAINLY AM.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME FOR AGES

SHE'S EVER PLANTED ANYTHING AS LIGHT AS A KISS

ON TOP OF MY HEAD.

STOP. IT'S TRUE.

OTIS, I BETTER START TIDYING UP

IF WE'RE GONNA BE IN THE MAYOR'S OFFICE

THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU GO AHEAD, HONEY.

EXCUSE ME, SHERIFF.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER AT THE PRESENTATION.

YES, MA'AM.

[ HUMMING ]

SHE'S SURE TAKING THIS AWFUL BIG.

SHE SURE IS.

WELL, WHY SHOULDN'T SHE?

SHE'S FINALLY GOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF ME FOR.

YOU KNOW, ANDY,

I'VE GIVEN THAT WOMAN SOME AWFUL BAD TIMES.

BUT WAIT TILL YOU SEE HER AT THAT PRESENTATION.

SHE'S GONNA BE AS PROUD AS A PEACOCK.

AND YOU, UH...

YOU SURE WOULDN'T THINK

OF LETTING ANYTHING STOP YOU FROM BEING THERE, WOULD YOU?

WHAT'S TO STOP ME?

UNLESS THERE'S ANOTHER OTIS CAMPBELL GONNA BE THERE

IN MY PLACE.

[ LAUGHING ]

I WONDER WHAT'S HOLDING UP OUR GUEST OF HONOR.

HE WIL BE HERE, WON'T HE?

OH, YES, HE'LL BE HERE, ALL RIGHT.

WON'T HE, SHERIFF?

UH, YES. IT'S GETTING LATE.

DO YOU THINK ONE OF US MIGHT GO OVER TO MR. CAMPBELL'S HOUSE

AND FETCH HIM?

OH, THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY.

BUT, UH, AS LONG AS WE'RE WAITING,

WHY NOT GET ANOTHER PICTURE OF ME?

YES, YOU DO THAT, AND WE'LL GO OUTSIDE

AND SEE IF WE SEE OTIS COMING.

WELL, YOU SURE FIXED IT.

WHAT A STORY THIS IS GONNA MAKE.

BARNEY, PLEASE.

I CAN JUST SEE OTIS SHOWING UP FOR THAT PLAQUE NOW.

"WHERE'S MY PLAQUE? GIVE ME MY PLAQUE."

THEN HE'LL STAGGER UP TO THAT MRS. WICKES

AND HE'LL SAY, "HOW ABOUT A LITTLE DRINK, BABY?"

IT'S GONNA BE AWFUL.

WELL, I TOOK A GAMBLE.

YEAH. SOME GAMBLE.

YOU'RE GAMBLING THE WHOLE TOWN.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, ANDY?

ANDY, WHO DID YOU GET, ANYWAY?

DON'T HE KNOW HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE ON TIME?

WHO IS IT?

WELL, TELL HIM.

GO ON. TELL HIM.

UH, MAYOR, I, UH...

I DIDN'T GET A SUBSTITUTE.

HUH?

WE'RE GETTING THE REAL THING--

OTIS CAMPBELL HIMSELF.

WHAT?

A HUNDRED PERCENT OTIS CAMPBELL.

OR SHOULD I SAY HUNDRED PROOF?

I SPECIFICALLY ASKED YOU TO GET A SUBSTITUTE FOR HIM,

BUT YOU DIDN'T!

YOU GOT HIM. YOU DID, AND I DIDN'T, BUT I DID.

HOW COULD YOU DO IT?

I DID.

HOW? I JUST DID.

THE ONLY PLAQUE THAT OTIS CAMPBELL DESERVES

IS FROM THE DISTILLERS ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA.

I-I TOOK A CHANCE, MAYOR.

NEVER MIND. NEVER MIND.

THE ONLY THING TO DO KNOW

IS TO GET THIS PRESENTATION OVER

BEFORE OTIS COMES WEAVING IN HERE.

OH, THIS IS TERRIBLE.

THIS IS JUST TERRIBLE.

YOU BEAT EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW THAT?

Pike: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

COULD I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION FOR JUST A MOMENT?

I'M AFRAID THERE WON'T BE ANY OTIS CAMPBELL APPEARING TODAY.

OH, WHY NOT? IT SEEMS MR. CAMPBELL

HAS HAD A SUDDEN RECURRENCE OF AN OLD AILMENT.

AND THEREFORE

HE'S IN NO CONDITION TO, UH, STAND UP FOR THE OCCASION.

OH, HOW DISAPPOINTING.

AND SO IT'S WITH A DEEP SENSE OF REGRET

THAT I SUGGEST THAT WE GO AHEAD.

[ GLASS SHATTERS ]

OH, COULD THAT BE OTIS CAMPBELL?

OH, COULD IT EVER.

UM, MAYBE I BETTER GO SEE IF I CAN HELP OTIS IN.

COME ON, DEPUTY.

HI, ANDY.

LOOK, MAYOR! IT'S OTIS.

HELLO, OTIS.

I WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR MAKING YOU GOOD PEOPLE WAIT.

THE TRUTH IS, I'M WEARING A BRAND-NEW PAIR OF SHOES.

GUESS I GOT TOO MUCH FEET IN THEM

AND I CAN HARDLY WALK.

WELL, COME ON IN.

OTIS, WE'RE... WE'RE GLAD YOU GOT HERE.

AND... I...

DON'T YOU THINK WE BETTER GO AHEAD WITH THE CEREMONY,

MRS. WICKES, PLEASE?

MR. CAMPBELL,

ON BEHALF OF THE WOMEN'S HISTORICAL SOCIETY,

I WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH THIS PLAQUE

COMMEMORATING THE HEROISM

OF YOUR FAMOUS ANCESTOR, NATHAN TIBBS.

WITH IT GO OUR BEST WISHES

TO MAYBERRY'S MOST DISTINGUISHED CITIZEN.

CONGRATULATIONS.

I'VE BEEN THINKING

ABOUT THE BIG, LONG SPEECH I CAN MAKE HERE.

THEN I GOT TO STUDYING ABOUT HOW THAT WAS ALL WRONG.

SEE, I DON'T DESERVE THIS AWARD.

I DIDN'T DO NOTHING.

BEING DESCENDED FROM A HERO DON'T MAKE YOU ONE.

SHUCKS, A MAN CAN'T TAKE CREDIT JUST FOR BEING BORN.

SO I WANT TO GIVE THIS TO MAYOR PIKE

TO ACCEPT FOR THE TOWN OF MAYBERRY,

OF WHICH I AM PROUD TO BE A CITIZEN.

WELL, NOW, THAT WAS...

LOVELY, MR. CAMPBELL.

THAT WAS A MOST GRACIOUS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH.

OTIS, I'M PROUD OF YOU.

BARNEY IS, TOO. AIN'T YOU, BARNEY?

YEAH, I'M REAL PROUD OF YOU.

WELL, I EXPECT IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE

IF WE ALL DRANK A LITTLE TOAST FOR THE OCCASION.

GO AHEAD, OTIS.

I EXPECT NATHAN WOULD'VE WANTED IT THAT WAY.

HAVE ONE, TOO, MRS. CAMPBELL.

ANDY, I SURE HAVE TO HAND IT TO YOU.

YOU SURE ARE A GOOD JUDGE OF HUMAN NATURE.

MM.

YOU MUST'VE KNOWED DEEP DOWN OTIS WOULD SHOW UP.

OH, I KNEW HE'D SHOW UP, ALL RIGHT.

FOR A WHILE THERE, I WASN'T SURE IN WHICH TOWN.

Y-YOU SUPPOSE WE OUGHT TO PUT A PLAQUE IN THAT CELL THERE --

"OTIS CAMPBELL SLEPT HERE"?

"SLEPT IT OFF HERE" WOULD BE MORE LIKE IT.

I SUSPECT IT'LL BE A GOOD, LONG TIME, THOUGH,

BEFORE OTIS COMES STAGGERING IN HERE

AND TAKING THE KEY OFF OF THE WALL

AND LETTING HIMSELF IN THAT CELL.

OH, I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ DOOR OPENS ]

YOU ALL RIGHT, OTIS?

I WAS OUT SHOPPING WITH THE LITTLE WOMAN,

AND IT GOT TO WHERE IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME.

SEE, ANDY?

AND I JUST HAD TO GET OFF OF MY FEET.

THESE SHOES ARE KILLING ME.

SEE, BARNEY?

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]