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- I believe... I truthfully
believe that reality television
has saved television.

I... You know, actors,
writers, producers,
directors, agents,

we all aspire to the truth,
you know?

And what greater truth
is there than reality?

Even when it's scripted.

[indistinct radio chatter]

[TV]: You've gotta hand it
to Coach Ty Carhart
for breaking this team's long...

...and turning this team
into a real...

- Alright.
Well, that's all of it, Jaynie.

- You better get home,
or your mom's gonna kill me.
And remember--

- I know, I know.
Vance wasn't here.

- Right.
- Thanks! Bye, Vance.
Great game tonight!

- Bye, kidlet.
I'm gonna go up
and try tweaking the dish,

see if we can get
some reception.

Uh... babe, I know it's weird,
but are you sure you're okay?

I mean, with his release
and everything?

- I'm okay.

Some dads give interviews
to Fox Sports,
and some to parole boards.

[chuckling]
Mm...

- You know,
when this show hits the air,

you're gonna be the next
Blanca Champion, baby.

[scoffing]
- Vance.

She's skanky and blonde
and rich.
We have nothing in common.

- Whoa, not true.
You both have smokin' hot
little booties.

- Come on.
We have to close up.

Then I can focus
all my attention on you.

Go fix the dish
while I turn off the lights
on the trails.

- Okay, roger that.
I can get the lights, too.
Just finish up in here. Really.

- I'll do it. I'll do it.
Don't take too long.

- Hurry, please.
[laughing]

- Couldn't wait, huh?

Very funny, Vance.

Come on,
you know I hate this shit.

Vance?

[shouting]

[screaming]

[screaming]

- Ah!

[exclaiming]

[whimpering]

- Come on, Vance.
[whimpering]

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

[screaming]

♪ Everybody's looking
but nobody knows ♪

♪ Why I got blood
on my clothes ♪

♪ But I feel good
and it shows ♪

♪ Sun's out guns out
That's the way I like ♪

♪ Run now run now
Got you in my sights ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

This is Margo Moorehead,
reporting live outside
the Culver City Courthouse,

where it looks
like even more bad news
for Blanca Champion.

On the heels
of her well-publicized bout
with exhaustion

come allegations of assault
and battery from John Jordan,

a production assistant
on the set of her new movie,
Hush, Hush.

As expected,
Jordan filed suit today against
Champion and Affiliated Studios.

Allegedly, Champion found
a green-tea latte
not to her liking.

That's when sources say
Champion proceeded to hurl the
scalding-hot drink at Jordan,

causing second-degree burns
from his torso,

well, down to his more delicate
regions.

In a statement
released this morning,

Champion swears the beverage
was only lukewarm,

which is, indeed,
why she threw it at him
in the first place.

This is Margo Moorehead,
reporting...

- Hey.
- Where exactly did you burn?
Show us again.

- I, uh...
I was starting to think
that I'd never work again.

- Oh, stop it, stop it.
Come on. Ahem.

- Alright, I'm excited.
Tell me about this job.
- I'm serious, okay?

It's a great concept
for a reality show.
Now, picture this:

a small border town,
the high-school hockey team

on a 100-year losing streak
winds up with a star forward.

For the first time
in the school's history,

they got a shot
at the State Championship.
Production's running behind.

They need a solid director,
and I told them you're the guy.

- Underdog sports team,
kid makes good. I like it.

- I knew it. I knew it.
Now get this.

The team's called
The Gold Diggers.

They're from this tiny,
little town called White Plains
in North Dakota--

- North Dakota? Oh, wow.

Uh... border town
kinda makes it sound
like... Mexico.

Uh... I don't know, Seaton.

I'm from San Diego.
I think I might freeze
my ass off.

- I know. I get it, okay?
Now get over it.

And besides, the network
would really consider this one
a favour.

And, actually,
there's one more thing.
- What?

- Blanca Champion's gonna be
up there with you.

- Blanca Champion?
- Her next movie's with
the network's film division,

and she's playing
a reality-television director

who uncovers
some major political scandal.

Haven't read the script yet.
She wants to do
the whole method thing,

you know, be taken seriously
as an actress.

And since you and Blanca
work so well together,

the network thought
that she could observe you.

- Work well together?
Seaton, I...

I was her production assistant
on her first movie.

I was a glorified babysitter.
I doubt she even remembers me.

- Well, guess what.
Not only does she remember you,
she loves, loves the idea.

She says this time around,
she could be your PA.

Besides,
with all the bad publicity
she's been getting lately,

she could use
a little babysitting.

- Seaton,
let me get this straight.

You want me to go
to a remote town in a red state
that borders Canada

with Blanca Champion pretending
to fetch people coffee? What?

Seaton, that's ridiculous.
I... I'm not that broke.

And to be honest with you,
life is too short.
And how's it even possible?

You know what it's like
going out in public with her.
Draws crowds like The Beatles.

- No, no, no,
that's the beauty, Jake.

The townspeople
have already signed
non-disclosure agreements.

You and Blanca are gonna be
in the middle of nowhere.
Only studio publicity knows.

And by the time the World Press
gets wind of it,
your show will be wrapped.

And best of all,
they're gonna pay your rate.
Yeah-ha. Yeah, you're welcome.

[scoffing]

- Can I bring my dog?

- My name is Nik and I am a PA
on the show Digger Fever.

White Plains is the kind of city
that...

people in Middle America
make fun of.

[whimpering]

- There you go, buddy.
How you doing, buddy?

I missed you, yeah.
I missed you.

- Hey, you must be Jake.
I'm Greg, the production's UPM.

- Hey, man.
Nice to meet you.

- It's about a six-hour drive
to White Plains from here.

- I was surprised
there was no other crew
on the plane.

- Well, most of the crew arrived
the Monday before last.

It's been pretty intense here
with all that's happened.

- Why? What's happened?
- One of the local girls
just got killed.

ATV accident.

Town folk pretty much
freaked out when Ted,
our first director,

tried to get exclusive
with them about it.

- Wait.
Ted... your first director?
So I'm... I'm replacing him?

- Dude, those agent types
aren't too big
on full disclosure, are they?

[radio]:
We're taking a poll this morning
on Good Morning White Plains.

Bob Hansen, you're...
[honking]

- Jake, this intersection's
a good landmark.

It's exactly 39 miles
from your cabin.

The mini-market on the right
is where we do
most of our shopping.

- Is this the place?
- Yeah, almost.

It's about another mile
and a half down this road.

The second door on your right's
the bedroom.

You're sharing this place
with Lee,
our executive producer.

Oh, by the way,
Lee wants to meet you in an hour
at the local diner

for a production meeting.

- Uh, okay. Um...
so it's just me and Lee here?

Is... is he here right now?

Yeah, uh, she, and no.

She's actually sleeping
at one of the other crew cabins,

but we're not supposed
to know about that.

Got map and directions...
and keys.

Peace out, brother.

- Bongo...
what did I just get us into?

- I generally tell my clients
what they need to know.

And... and Jake needed a job,
and, um... and he got it.

- I can't hear...
You're gonna have to speak up.

I can't hear you.

Hello? Sit.

Oh, piece of crap.

- You must be Jake.
I'm Phoebe, Lee's assistant.

We're totally excited
you're here.

- Jake, I'm Lee Tyson,
the show's producer.

Thank you for getting here
so quick.

Hey, Phoebe, do me a favour.
Will you go call
the equipment house,

see where the rest
of our stuff is?

- Sure. I'll be right back.

- Okay, look, here's the deal:

these people think we are here
to shoot a reality show

about their loser hockey team
making good.

But some girl kills herself
joy riding at night,

probably drunk on moonshine
or something.

Everyone's all bent out of shape
about this except Coach Carhart,

who only cares about winning
the championship.

Now, did I mention the ex-coach,
Hansen?

He's a flippin' loon
who just got out prison

for "accidentally" killing
his wife 10 years ago.

Carhart's son was banging
Hansen's daughter.

Hansen's daughter...

ends up dead.
It's fucking gold.

- Wow. Yeah, um...

that's... that's a lot
of information.

Uh... you know, Lee, I...
I kind of liked the whole
underdog-hockey-team angle.

Uh, not really such a fan
of messing with people's heads.

- And I am telling you
that I want you to go
to that high school

and shoot me a fuckin' show
about these crazy coaches
and their beer-guzzling buddies.

Got it?

- Seaton Brookstone's office.
- Hello? Hey, Shannon.

Hey, it's Jake. Is Seaton in?

- Hi, Jake.
Having a bad time hearing you.

Not a good connection.
I don't have Seaton right now.
He's in a meeting.

- Yeah, I'm sure he is.
Listen, Shannon, I...

This is the first time
I've had any bars on my phone
since I landed.

Something...
something's off here,
and I really need to talk to him

before I go in
and start this thing up.
Have him call me, please?

Hello?

Hello?

♪ What am I doin' doin'
doin' doin' doin' doin' here ♪

♪ Oh oh oh oh
♪ Is it too late to back out
♪ Is it too late to back out

- I think we're crew.
- Excuse me?

- I'm Keir,
your camera assistant.

Or at least I think so.

'Cause no one spends
that much money on sunglasses
around here.

So I figure you're Jake, right?
- Uh... I... I am.

Um... and I got these for free
off my last show.

I was, um... I was worried
they were a bit too fancy
for me.

- No, you pull them off well.

- Can I talk you into maybe...
showing me around this place?

- So did you meet Lee?

- Oh, yeah.
[laughter]

- Yeah, she's quite a lady.
And I use the term loosely.

Look, before we go in, uh...

I don't mean to cross any lines,
but can I show you something?

- Yeah, sure.

[bell ringing]

- I'm dying to Google
these people.

I don't know
if you've tried yet,

but it's impossible to get
on the internet up here.

I've tried the dial-up,
like, 30 times,

only to get knocked off
after 10 seconds.

- This is the girl that died.

Jaynie, right?
- Yeah.

This girl's death was just...

so violent.

- So you started checking
into the town's history...
hoping to find what?

- I don't know,
but let's just say
for a town this small,

this place has had its share
of death and drama.

"Left behind are Ty Carhart
and his two-year-old, Vance,

the surviving twin.
Father and son
were in Whiskey River,

picking up supplies
when the accident happened."

This is Carhart...
the hockey coach?

- Yep.
- I mean, this is...
an awful story, all of it.

But... I don't really get
what it has to do
with this ATV accident.

- You two have to leave. Now!

- Jaynie Hansen's death, um,
you know, where...
where I'm from,

you get a cut, a scrape,
a broken leg,
is considered an accident.

What happened to her...
I don't think
that was an accident.

- Five, six, here we go.

♪ Gold Diggers go

♪ We thought we had forever

- Vance, you need to focus!
♪ Well I don't want it to end

- That's Carhart,
the hockey coach?
- Yep.

- We're not gonna beat
Eagle Ridge unless you show
some hustle, boy!

Maybe we ought to take
this practice outside,
run a few laps.

Then you'll play like men
instead of wussies.

- Come on, Coach.

- That kid's not getting much
of a mourning period, huh?
- Come on!

- Is that Luke? Luke!

- Jake! Ha-ha!
- I didn't know
you were on this show, man.

- Thank God you're here, dude.
These people are a bunch
of freaks!

- We did a show called Your Town
over in Miami a few years ago.
- Yeah.

- How's the rest of the crew?
- Let me put it to you this way.

Our sound guy's a local hire
who lives in his car.

- We should get going
'cause Lee's gonna get here,

and that woman,
we do not want to piss off.

- Alright, man.
[both]: Good to see you. Yeah.
- See you in a bit.

- What the...?

- Here he is!

- How you doin', man? Alright.

- Jake, looks like
you already met Keir.

This is Daphne,
our story producer.

And this is Mike,
your sound guy.

- Hey, man, have we worked
together before?

- What?
- Hi, Jake.

- Hi.
- I know it's trèsgeeky to say,
but I love your work.

I'm so excited
you're on this project.

Back on the Ranch
is my favourite show. Was.

- Uh, well, thank you.
I'm glad you liked it.
I did, too.

- Alright, the only one missing
is Nik, our PA.

But he went to Winnipeg
to pick up Blanca.

- She's arriving by helicopter.
Isn't that cool?

- Yeah, it's very cool.
- I was the first one here,

so if you want the backstory
on anyone, cast or crew,
come to me.

- Hi, Daphne!
Is she here yet?

- Almost! That's Erin,
the head cheerleader.

She's very excited
to meet Blanca.

- Blanca Champion is coming
to White Plains
to do research for a movie role.

She's playing a reality-TV
director who uncovers
some big political scandal.

[players shouting]
- I can't even begin
to believe this.

- Oh, I...
I'll be right back. Okay.

- Hi, Blanca.

- Hi, Scooby.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Uh...

what the hell are you wearing?

- I was told to dress sexy.
- By who? Seaton?

- It's being handled,
right, sweetheart?
- Handled!

- Ms. Champion,
I am so excited to meet you.

I... I...
I am your biggest fan.

You are a personal hero to me.
Do you think you can sign this,
please?

- Sure, sweetie.
- Um...

I know it's none of my business,
but you two were so close.

Why were you fighting?

- Because she's a cunt.
- Okay.

Uh, excuse us for a second.
We're just gonna...

- Um, I'm a big fan, too.

- Yeah?

- We'll have a little talk,
shall we?

- Okay. Easy, Scooby.
You're turning me on.

- Please don't call me Scooby.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Hey, buddy, um,
do you mind excusing us
for a second?

- Hey, sexy.
I like where those shorts
cup your little ass.

It's delicious.

[giggling]

- Blanca...
do you even remember me?

- I'm sorry.
Are we in the boys' locker room?
It stinks in here. Blech!

- Yeah. No, I know this isn't,
uh, exactly ideal,

but I hear if we make it
through the next few weeks
on our best behaviour,

we're gonna score big bonus
points with the studio.

- Ooh, what's best behaviour?
- Well, it's probably, uh,

not using the "C" word in front
of the small-town cheerleaders.

- Oh, God.
They're dealing with some
heavy shit around here.

A local girl recently got killed
in an accident, so the people
are pretty shook up.

- Alright, whatever.

Okay, you know what?
I get it.

And I'm serious
about this movie research stuff,
okay?

I'm sick of playing
dopey teenagers.

I have to nail this.
We're cool.

- Alright. Oh, hey, and uh,

it's kinda cold in here,
so you may want to rethink
the whole mini-skirt thing.

- Fuck off.
- Okay. Nice. Very nice.

- Blanca Champion. Wow!
- I'd say we have
a pretty unique connection.

I mean, how many guys can say
that they've carried
all 28 pieces of her luggage?

- She's, uh...
she's very, uh...
I... How to say this?

- I held her hand. Well, I...
I blocked her hand.

Yeah, she was trying to hit me.
It was my fault.
I made a mistake.

But, yeah, I mean,
we're pretty close.

[music playing]
[crowd cheering]

[indistinct announcer chatter]

- ...Vance Carhart scores again!

By the way,
ladies and gentlemen,

don't forget
to look for yourself
on television this fall

as the Diggers star
in Digger Fever,
their very own reality show.

- Yeah! Oh!
[indistinct announcer chatter]

- We are just so blessed
by Jesus Christ,

and I know that he really wants
us to win State.

- I'm sorry, but I gotta ask.
What can you tell me

about your friend Jaynie's death
or her father's release
from prison?

- Um...

I don't think I'm supposed
to talk about that.

- Erin, let's wrap this up.

- I have to go now.

- You know... I don't even want
to tell you what I saw
down in that boiler room.

- The townspeople are all
up in my grill because...

I've got my crew asking
questions that aren't
just about hockey.

Give me a break.
Do these people don't even own
a fucking television?

It's not like the show's
for the fucking Nature Channel,
people.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[up-tempo music]

- Where are we even going,
anyways?

And I can't believe
this is the crew van.
So lame.

- It's a low-budget show.
The school let us use this
for free.

- Look, guys, if this is
what the kids are talking about,
this is the story to follow.

Everyone we've talked to
has brought up this Hansen guy.

- Does anyone know how long
this guy's been outta prison?
- Less than a month.

- Do I need to remind you
that I'm on a 10-hour schedule
and I don't do overtime?

- Okay.

Thanks, Mike.

- Whatever.
- Nik, any idea
where this cabin is?

- Erin said we can't miss it.
Should be just off the lake.

- Hello?

Coach Hansen?

Hi. Uh, my name's Jake Tanner,

and, um, we're in town
shooting a show--

- "Wash me thoroughly
from my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

Against Thee have I only sinned
and done that which is evil
in Thy sight."

- This is fucking scary as shit.

- I'm just gonna put
this microphone on you
right here, okay? Ah!

- Get the hell outta here.
I didn't invite you here.
This is private property.

I said get the hell out!

- Okay, okay. Sorry.
- All of ya!

- Didn't mean to bother you.
We don't want any trouble.
- I want my microphone.

- Just leave it.
- I'm billing the production.
- Just leave it.

- Man, I've done a lot of shows
where they picketed us.
Like Your Town Seattle,

they didn't want us there.
But this? This place...

- You'd think
they don't even want an economy.

I mean, they just wanna,
you know, sit around and,
you know... eat elk.

- And the ex-coach,

he looks like the villain
from the Scooby Doo cartoons.
Weird.

- That reality-TV crew
should've been following me
around, you know?

While they were out talking
to Jaynie Hansen's crazy dad,

I was finding the cheerleading
coach's body all mangled
in the woodshop.

Now that would've made
for some great television,
you know?

I took some footage
with my camera phone
if you guys wanna buy it.

- Honestly, I'd like to know
where the fuck my crew was

when that shloop was finding
a body in the woodshop.

Probably asking some little kid
about the thrill of victory.

I don't give a fuck who she is.
Her agent... Wait a minute.

That asshole is your agent, too,
isn't he? Yeah.

He made me pay her as a PA
while she does her research.

So guess what that means.
She needs to work

like a fucking PA,
so this is how it's gonna go.

As long as she's on my payroll,
remember this.

- Will do.
- I wanna know when she naps,

where she naps
and how long she naps.

You're gonna write it down,
deduct it from her paycheque.
Got it?

[scoffing]
- Lee, why don't you give her
a break?

She travelled all night.
- That's just great.

What do you want to do?
Give her a fucking bottle
and change her diapers, too?

- Mister?
- Hey. What's up, buddy?

- It wasn't an accident.

- Okay, I'm listening.

- Jaynie used to take me
cross-country skiing there
all the time.

She knew that place.

I heard something
when I was leaving that night.

But I didn't do nothin'.

- Well, you know what I think?

I think you're one
brave little guy
for telling me that.

I'm gonna do some asking around.
Cool?

- Cool.
- Come on.

- You know, if... you know,
if you wanna nap,

then, uh,
the bed in my camper is...

it's a lot more comfortable
than here.

- I'm fine here, fuck face.
But thanks.

[wind whistling]

- Lee?

You home?

Ah... Hey, buddy.

How you doing?
[whimpering]

Yeah, you wanna go outside,
don't you? Alright.

Alright, come on.
Come on, Bongo.

Oh, shit!

Oh, Jesus Christ,
you scared the hell outta me.

- Don't go digging up shit
you don't know nothing about.

- I'm sorry, what?
- You heard me!

It's a small town,
we all talk to each other.

I don't care to hear
none of the shit
Coach Hansen is spinning.

He's an ex-con...
and a murderer.

Are we clear?

- Yeah... we're clear.

- I don't want to accuse
Vance's dad of having anything
to do with these killings,

but... I have a weird inkling
that there....

there's some connection there.

[sighing]

- Jesus Christ.
[Bongo whimpering]

[whimpering]

[moaning]

Oh, wow. Uh, Jesus. Sorry.

- Nice timing, douchebag.

- Um, we were just gonna go
get a beer or whatnot.

You should totally come.

- Okay.

- You're so bad.
[laughter]

[pop music playing]

- I'm fairly certain
that Blanca chick wants me.

I have that extra sense,
you know.

Like, I can smell blood
a mile away.

I knew something was rotten
in Bismarck.

Sheriff says she was in there
for hours before I found her.

- Has anyone told her husband?

- Nah. He's downstate
on a timber run.

I tried him on the C.B.,
but no luck.

- Who are you guys
talking about?

- There was... an accident
up at the school.

Miss Falls,
the cheerleading coach.

- Decapitated.
Heartbeat-less.

- I get it. It's awful.

- Look, uh, what do you say
we cut outta here?

Let's go for a midnight swim.

- I'd say, "Hell, yeah."
- I'll get our coats.

- No good can come
of you staying here.

Mark my words and leave now.

All of you.
- Hey!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on, man.

- Jesus.

- Guess it's safe to say
they don't like us being here.
- No, I don't think they do.

- No, no, no.
Don't any of you listen
to that crackpot. He's a drunk.

We just need to get our show
in the can and move on.

Now, wrap it up.
We've got an early-morning call.

- I guess now isn't a good time
to mention they found
Miss Falls's body at the school?

There was another accident.

- Get the hell outta here.

- Crazy shit.

- What do I think
about the amount of accidents
in this town? Um...

I think it's a shame it happened
to all the pretty people.
I'm just kidding.

That's not even funny.
It's inappropriate. Sorry.

- Did you hear this?
Blanca Champion
has gotten herself into...

- For the last time,
I don't know where
the damn camera stuff is.

It never arrived.

- Oh, will you just zip
your piehole?

I can't call the network
and tell them $30,000 worth
of equipment is MIA!

- It is not okay
to talk to me like that.

I did not sign on
for this totally deceptive job
and whatnot.

And why can't you just give
the network the show
they ordered?

It's a totally better show.

- Because... no one wants
to watch a show
about some wittle hockey team.

They'd much rather watch a show
about a bloodthirsty convict
out for revenge.

That is why.

- Can I ask you something?
- What?

- Did you seduce me
because you thought
it would keep me quiet?

Because that was a total
miscalculation.

- Well, I think
that you're gonna keep quiet.
You know why?

If you don't, I will cancel
your plane ticket home,

I will drive you
out into the woods
and I will leave you there.

- You wouldn't do that to me.

- You can try me,
then we can continue
to play nice or not.

The choice is yours, Phoebe.

You're a real cooze.

And an awful boss.

- As long as these guys
play Digger hockey
and keep focused on the game,

there's not gonna
be any stopping 'em.

Look, I only got two hours
till the next game.
I got things to do.

Come on!

- Hey, is the, uh...
is the coach mic'd?
I'm having trouble hearing him.

- No, he's not mic'd.
We left his out at
the crazy guy's shack, remember?

- We gotta have this guy
mic'd before the playoff games.

- Then I suggest you send
somebody out there to get it.

- Okay... I'm sending you.

- Yeah, I can do that.
Except is there anybody else
here that can wire a PA system,

that can run a play-by-play?
It'll take me about 1.5 hours,

so it's a perfect amount of time
for you to do it yourself.

- Okay, go rig your PA.

Hey, do me a favour. Um...

let's cut out
this whole smug-asshole thing,

'cause it's really working
my last nerve. Okay?

- Okay.

Sorry, boss.

Motherfucker.
Nik.

- A production assistant
on a show like this,

um... you're basically
like a bus boy's assistant.

Well, does this suck ass?
Mm-hmm.

Am I getting paid nearly enough
to do it?

No fucking way.

Hmm.

Coach?

Hey, uh... I'm really sorry
to bother you, but,

uh... we need to get
that microphone back.

Hello?

[sighing]
Don't be a puss. Ahem.

Look, uh... Coach, I'm just...

really wanted to apologize, uh,
about earlier today.

Oh, shit!

What the fuck?
What the fuck is it?

Ah!

[indistinct announcement]

- These days,
it doesn't seem that Erin cares
for Blanca too much.

Uh, I believe she called
her a...

a cocaine-fuelled gutter slut.

- I need to talk to you.

- Excuse me!
Get your hands off me, chunk!

- I weigh 110 pounds!
That's not fat!

[scoffing]
I have tried to be as nice
as I know how.

That's over!
I'm giving you this warning.

Stay away from Vance,
or I'm going to get my cousins
to go to your cabin

and have them hog-tie you
and weigh you!
Capisce?

- You know what? Screw this!

I don't need this bullshit,
this fucking method-acting crap!

Hundred-and-ten pounds, my ass!

Listen up, you little pisher!

I don't give a shit
if you're losing me,
this is important!

It's the first time
I've had reception
since I've been out here.

You tell Seaton
if he still wants me
as a client,

he will get me
on the next goddamn plane
out of here, okay?!

Do you hear me? Hello?

Can you hear me now?

Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck!!!
[sighing]

- Thanks a lot, man.
- Alright.

- When's Desperate the Sound Elf
coming back?

I feel like an idiot.
- Blanca.

- Alright, we got five minutes
till game time. Is Nik back
with that microphone?

- He's not and there's no way
to reach him.

And Lee said if he doesn't get
here in five, he's fired.

- Oh, that's a little harsh,
huh?
- And where's Mike? Mike!

- I'm right here.
The PA system is rigged.

- Alright, good.
Let's get ready to shoot.

[crowd cheering]

- Ah!

[announcer]:
This season has been
nothing short of a phenomenon!

[shouting]

Goal!

[buzzing]
[crowd cheering]

The State Championship
is just a bus ride away
for the Gold Diggers.

- Any sign of Nik?
- No.
- That's so weird.

- Oh, hey, Coach.
Great game tonight.

Hey, listen,
can I ask you a favour?

- Favours aren't really
my specialty.

[laughing]
- That's funny.

I noticed you had a treadmill
upstairs in the gym.

Would you mind if I grabbed
a quick workout?

- You know,
I like your dedication, boy.

More people should make fitness
a priority.

We're clearing out, so...

just make sure to lock the doors
when you leave.

- Thank you, sir.
- Ahem.

- Oh, excuse me,
Coach Stick-up-your-Ass,

do you think that I might
massage your penis
for a few minutes

so that I, too,
might get a workout?

- Is it hard being
such a douchebag all the time?

- Uh, no. No.
I actually kinda like it.

- Loser.

[beep]
Luke for Daphne.

[sighing]

- Go ahead, Luke.

- Was the Tahoe ever supposed
to be used as a cast car?

- Not that I know of.
Phoebe handled all the rentals.
Why?

- It's just I found
a lipstick camera
rigged in the backseat.

And I didn't put any
lipstick cameras
on the equipment order,

and this is the second one
I found.

I didn't know this show
had that kind of surveil.

- I didn't think so, either.
I'll ask.

- Copy that.

[heavy metal playing
through headphones]

[wind whistling]

Hello? I'm still up here.

Ah, what the hell, man?

Hello?

[beeping]

I'm beginning to think
this workout
wasn't such a bright idea.

[banging]

[sighing]

Ahem.
[sniffling]

Whew.

Oh! What the fuck?
Who are you, man?

Ah!

[grunting]

Ah!

Ah! Fuck!

Ah! Ah!

[crying out]

Oh!
[groaning]

[background chatter]
[laughter]

- Have a lovely day.

[whispering]

- Hey, I meant to ask,
did you guys

pre-rig the cars with cameras
before we got up here?

- Can we please not talk
about work for a second?

I need a break from this show
and this town.

And um, mm, more liquor?

- Hey, any sign of Greg or Nik?
- No. I thought
they'd be here already.

- Yeah.

Hello! Hey, sugar puss.

Hi. See me standing here
with moolah in my hand?

No? Yes?

Hi! Hello. How are you?

- Atta girl.
- Looks like Miss Champion
found herself another victim.

[gulping]

- Okay... to the superstar
hockey player.

- Well, to the super-hot
actress-slash-model.

- Okay. I've been called worse,
but anyway.

Mm.

So, um...

I heard you were kind of close
to that girl that died.

- Yeah, I guess, um...

I guess you could say this went
from being the best year
of my life

to the worst in, you know,
a blink.

- I'm really sorry.

My dad died when I was 14,

and I thought
I would never get over it.

[sighing]
I mean, it doesn't go away,
but... it gets easier.

- Promise?

- Yeah.

- Isn't he a little young
for her?
Is it still legal if it's a boy?

- I heard she slept with that PA
who sued her,
and then she got tired of him,

treated him like garbage
until finally he had enough.

- See, that's how rumours
get started.
- You're saying it's not true?

- I think the press likes
to paint Blanca as the bad girl,

and I think sometimes she feels
obligated to live up
to those expectations.

- I hate to be a buzz kill,
but I'm calling it a night.

- Alright, do me a favour
and just be careful, please?

- Okay.

[phone ringing]
Hello?

- I'm so glad I got through.
- Oh. Ha!

Oh, my God, I can't even begin
to believe this.

I haven't had reception
for days.

It's so good to hear your voice.

- Totally.
I've been trying forever.

I was starting to get worried.
How's it going?

- Oh, I need a margarita
and a Palm Springs weekend
like you wouldn't believe.

Cathy?
[beeping]

Ah, dammit.

[turning up music]

Greg, are you okay?

You been out here long?

Freeze to death.

Greg?

You stoned again?

Oh, my God!

[screaming]

- What do you mean,
she didn't come home?

- She wasn't in her bed
when I woke up.
I thought maybe she got lucky.

- With who, Blanca?
We watched her leave alone.

I can't believe
you didn't wake me up
when you saw that.

- I thought maybe she hooked up
with you.

I caught her checking my ass out
a couple times.
Get off my hump.

I told you as soon as I got up.

- Jake, Coach says
you have to be on the ice
in 10 minutes,

or you won't be allowed on
at all.

Sorry.

- Where's the rest of your crew?
- You know what, Lee?
I'd like to know the same thing.

Something's really wrong here.
Luke is never late.

- I don't feel so good.
- Oh, Phoebe, pull it together.

- Fuck you, Lee.
- What, again?

Jake, you've got five minutes.
We don't have a show
without this game.

- What do you want me to do?
Three quarters of my crew
is missing!

- Like I told the last guy,
you're the director,
figure it out.

- Sure thing. Bitch.
- I'm sorry, what was that?

- You know what, Lee?
I'm beginning to understand

why the first director
only lasted a few days. Yeah.

Keir, can you mix audio?

- I can try.
- Okay. Blanca, I'm gonna need
you to hold the boom pole.

- Oh, my God, I'm so gonna
fucking kill my acting coach.

- Hey, you know what?

You do not talk to me that way
in front of the crew.

You finish out the day;
after that, you're fired.

Ah!

- We just want to go
on record here

that a bunch
of our crew members are missing,

um, and Lee wants us
to shoot anyway.

But as soon as this is over,
we're gonna go find them.

- We need to comb this school
and find that missing stuff.

You can't hide monitors
that size in a suitcase.

You are the one
who will go down for this.

- This isn't Bewitched, Lee.
I can't just wiggle my nose

and make stuff appear
and whatnot.

- Just try to keep an eye
on things here if you can.

I'm gonna go get
the rest of the crew.

One of those morons
is getting promoted to director.

[sighing]

Go.

Gotcha.

Holy shit.

What the fuck?

Oh!

Because...

no one wants to watch a show
about some wittle hockey team.

Oh, my God.
Am I being punked?

I thought they'd cancelled
this show. Ashton!
[laughing]

- Oh! Ah!

No!

Ah!
- What the fuck?
- No!

No!

No!
[exclaiming]

- Tell your camera guy
I didn't appreciate him leaving
the treadmill and the lights on.

- Sorry, Coach.
That's not usually like him.
- Ah.

The bus leaves tomorrow morning
at 5:30 a.m. for Fargo.

It waits for no one.

Vance, come on, let's go.

- Blanca, help Keir
grab some of the stuff.

- Why?
- Could you just help us
pack up the stuff, please?

- Jeez. Bitch.

And they say I'm difficult.

- Phoebe,
should we wait for you?

- Oh, I gotta get the releases
for tomorrow's game
and stop by the Mini-Mart.

I'll meet you guys
back at the crew cabin, okay?

- Alright. Be careful.

Luke? Nik?

- Um, guys?
- Hello?

- Oh, phone's dead. Shocking!
- It doesn't look like Luke
slept in his bed last night.

- No, and you're right,
'cause Daphne's bed
hasn't been slept in.

It doesn't make any sense.
Where the hell's her truck?

- Oh! Oh, my God!
- Oh!

- Fucking shit!
[whimpering]
Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.
- Don't touch it!

- Is that Mike's watch?
- Oh, God! What is it holding?

- It's the fucking microphone
we lost at the cabin.
He must've went back to get it.

- Ew! Oh, my God,
that fucking sick coach
must've cut his hand off!

We gotta call the cops!

- Okay, guys, guys, guys.
Calm down, calm down.
Check your phones.

Do you have any signal?
Keira, check your phone. Blanca.

- Oh!
- Blanca, check your phone.
- Over here. Clients love, love,

love to bitch about problems
on locations.

You know, "My wardrobe sucks."
"My trailer's not big enough."

Uh... "They're housing me
in the woods."
I try not to take those calls.

By the time I return them,
they've usually worked it out
themselves.

- No signal, nothing.
I have nothing.

[Blanca exclaiming]

What's this?

What is that freaking mask?
Who is this?

- Who cares?
Somebody is out there
who thinks it's okay

to chop people's hands off!

Oh, God.

- My God. That's Daphne.
- What?

- I know that sign.
That's out
by Coach Hansen's cabin.

We gotta get out there.

Guys, we gotta go.
She could still be alive.
Come on.

Come on!

- I can't even begin
to believe this.

- Hey! Why are we stopping here?
- I'm gonna go
check out this site.

I need you guys to stay here
and try to get in touch
with the cops, okay?

I saw an old C.B. radio
in the principal's office.

Tell them to meet me
by the Predator Roundup sign
by Hansen's cabin.

- Oh, okay, so you're just gonna
go hang with the fucking killer?

We gotta get back on the highway
and keep driving!

I hate to break this
to you guys, but that girl
is probably dead.

- And what if she's not, Blanca?
And what if Nik and Luke
and Greg need our help too?

- How are we even gonna
get in there? Here.

Take these.
They gave them to me.
Jake, I'm going with you.

- Wait, wait.
I'm not going in there
by myself.

- Well, alright, fine.
You're coming with us, then.

- Both of those choices suck!

- Well, Blanca, please pick one!

- Ugh! Fine, I'll stay here,
but I'm taking your dog,
so you have to come back for me.

- We are gonna come back.
Just go find that C.B. radio
and get us some help.

And hey, hey, take this.

- Oh.

- Hello?

[whimpering]

- If you'd like to make a call,
please hang up and try again.

[doorbell ringing]

- Anyone here?
[crying]
- Coach?!

- Who's back there?
[Phoebe whimpering]
Is that you, Phoebe?

- Is that thing still out there?
That thing with the mask?
- Mask? Are you on drugs?

[panting]
- We've gotta get out of here!

Run! Run!

- Just calm down.
- Run!
- Just a sec...

- Get in the car!
Get in the car! Get in the car!
Get in!

- This better not be
some kind of hijinks
for this television show.

- There was a guy in there,
in a mask with an axe,
and he tried to kill me!

- Kill you?
You... you're talking
like some kind of crazy--

[screaming]
[gasping]

[whining]

- Hello? Hello?
Is anybody there?
This is an emergency.

[panting and crying]

- No.
[sobbing]

[screaming]

- Anyone? Is anybody there?
This is an emergency.

Anyone?

[barking]

Bongo!
[sighing]

What are you barking at?

[crying out]

[gasping]

- Daphne?!

- Daphne!

What the fuck is that?
[screaming]

- What?

Holy shit.

- Okay. Let's get outta here.

Ah! Ow!

- Fuck! Jake. Fuck!
I got it. I got it.

- Shit!
- I got it. I got it.
[Jake groaning]

- Keir, we're not gonna be able
to open this thing.

- Bongo! Where are you going?!

God!

Bongo!

- I'm gonna go.
[grunting]
I'm gonna get help.

Gonna get help
and be right back, okay?
I promise.

- Okay. Okay.
- I promise I'll be right back.
Okay?

[grunting]
- Fuck!

Fuck!
[panting]

- Holy shit!

- Blanca?

- My God, what are you...
what are you doing down here?

How long have you been
down here for?

- I snuck in when that mean lady
came down here,

and then it came in.
- What do you mean,
"it" came in? It who?

- He's been watching you
through those cameras.

He's been watching that.

- Oh, my God.

[music playing]

♪ I love you so much

♪ That I could eat your face

[screaming]

♪ I love you so much
that I could... ♪

[groaning]

- Ah!

[roaring]
[screaming]

♪ I love you so much...
- You saw him do this to her?

♪ Well I hope you love me

[screaming]
Okay. We're gonna go. Come on,
I'm gonna get us out of here.

- This way's the quickest.

[Connor gagging]

[Connor whimpering]
- Oh, my God!
[exclaiming softly]

[whining]

Oh, God.

[sniffling]

We gotta go. Come on.

Okay, okay, come here.
Listen to me.
I want you to stay right here.

I'm gonna get us out of here.
I have to get these keys.
I promise I'll come right back.

Okay?
[Connor sniffling]

[beeping]

Shit!

- Blanca!
- Listen to me, I'm stuck.
Listen. I need you to run!

Start running as fast as you can
until you find somebody
that you trust, okay?

And tell them we need help.
Tell them that Jake and Keir

are at Coach Hansen's cabin
and they need help.

I promise I will find you!
Just go!

Go!

Oh, my God.

- Blanca?

[whimpering]
Blanca?

[barking]

[squealing]

[man]: Ah!
[screaming, then grunting]

- Who the fuck are you?!

- Ah! Ah!

- Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Get off of me!
[exclaiming]

Mike? The fucking sound guy?
Oh, my God.
[indistinct chatter]

[screaming]
- Hey, hey, hey,
stop, stop, stop, stop!

If you'd just listen to me.
If you just listen to me,

you'll love me
as much as I love you.

Don't you realize
that I've done this all for us?
For you?

[whimpering]
I'm the only one
that really cares about you.

- Did you care about the people
in the video?

- They were gonna tell.
That girl told
that cheerleader bitch.

They found our room.
You can understand, right?

I'd already started.
I couldn't stop it.

- Get your fucking hands
off her.

- Ah!

- I went through
all this trouble to make
the fucking show for you,

you're gonna watch it with me!

- I've already seen it.
It's a piece of shit!

- You said you wanted
the opportunity to be taken
seriously as an actor,

and I gave you that opportunity!

Because, believe me,
people are gonna
take you seriously now!

You look really fucking scared!
Really--

- No!
[gunshot]

- Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Blanca crying]

- Vance, for some reason,
had some sort of a, uh,

bottle-opener/beartrap opener
on his keychain.

[background chatter]

- You're gonna be alright.
Just sit tight.

[sighing]
- Hey.
- Hi.

- How you feeling?

- Oh, this has pretty much
been the worst job
I've ever had.

How's your leg?
- Ah, it hurts,
but, uh, I'll be fine.

Vance and Connor found me.
Got Blanca to thank for that.

- Mm.

How is she holding up?

- Ah, as well as could be
expected.

Imagine what the press
is gonna do with this thing.

- Mm. And what about Mike?

- Mike's description
matches a police report

of a recently escaped
mental patient.

So who knows what to believe?

Hold on a second.

- Wait. What is that?

- It's a bulletproof vest.

- Is it worth it?
- What?

- Being so famous?

[screaming]

[panting]

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

[screaming]

♪ Everybody's looking
But nobody knows ♪

♪ Why I got blood
on my clothes ♪

♪ But I feel good
and it shows ♪

♪ Sun's out guns out
That's the way I like ♪

♪ Run now run now
Got you in my sights ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

♪ It's a killer day
to be alive ♪

- What do I think
of what actually happened
in... in White Plains?

My God, I thought it was tragic.
It was... it was... just tragic.

And on the other hand,
it was some of my client's
best work, you know, but...

what are you gonna do?
And what can you do?

We did send flowers.

Not just to Blanca.
We sent them to the families
of the dead people, too.

- You know, I always knew
that sound guy was creepy.

I mean, it doesn't take
that much time to hook
a microphone to a bra strap.

I was trying to be professional,
but there's a limit.

- Uh, I think he should've
just written a letter.

I think that would've been...
I think that would've been fine.

I think that would've
sort of gotten the point across.

- Do I think Blanca was
surprised when she won the Emmy?

I think she was totally
surprised, yeah, absolutely.
I wasn't. Fuck, no.

God, I saw the dailies,
and the network knew it.

I mean, she hit it
out of the park.

Uh, and thank God
that crazy sound guy

left the security cameras
rolling because that... Emmy
really drove up her quota.

I mean, I'm getting
five million bucks
for her to do Hush Hush 2.

- I've been opening bear traps
since I was a kid,

so it really wasn't
that big of a deal.

- Did I... did I get the message
from Jake about finding the hand
in the refrigerator?

Yeah. Well,
I was trying to listen to it,

but I was getting on a plane
at LAX,

and Hillary Clinton
and the fucking Secret Service

had taken over
the Lieutenants' Club,
so I was out with the masses,

and it's just ear-splitting
in that terminal.

I don't know
how you people do it.

- Affiliated, uh...

has hired me
to direct Hush Hush Part 2,

which we all know
is Blanca Champion's next film.

- Can we wrap this thing up?
'Cause I gotta take
Montana Moorehead

to the Daisy Awards tonight
and I never keep
a client waiting, so...

[rock music]

♪ So you want to live forever

♪ Like the King

♪ Here's something to remember

♪ Doesn't matter
how you leave this world ♪

♪ It's how you bleed

♪ 'Cause it's over

♪ When it's over

♪ All that's left...

♪ So wrap me up in velvet

♪ Velvet baby

♪ I wanna live forever

♪ I wanna be immortal like ♪

♪ Velvet baby

♪ When you're trying hard
to capture ♪

♪ A little bit

♪ Of immortality

[rock music]

♪ 'Cause it's over
when it's over ♪

♪ All that's left...

♪ So wrap me up in velvet

♪ Velvet baby

♪ I wanna live forever

♪ I wanna be immortal like ♪

♪ Velvet baby

♪ Velvet baby

♪ I wanna be

[rock music]

♪ I wanna be like Elvis

♪ Wrap me up in velvet

♪ Velvet baby

♪ I wanna live forever

♪ I wanna be immortal like

♪ Velvet baby

Subtitling: difuze