Original subtitles

Lady? Where?

The dancer's chamber's upstairs.

There's a spare bed.

Won't you have? Come one, come all, and hear of the Canterbury tale.

The woes, the passions, and love at last in full detail.

Are you alone?

you have under there.

Oh, my, my.

What a surprise. A carpenter with a crafty tongue.

Okay, Carpenter.

Let's see how well you thrive at peg.

But first, let's get rid of these clothes.

Suck it harder Katrina.

My tool feels good in your mouth Katrina.

Such a nice hammer, Carpenter.

As we begin our journey, so shall we begin our game of storytelling.

Who should be the first? Carpenter?

Lady of Bath?

No.

Monk! Being a religious man, surely you must be accustomed to giving sermons? An

excellent idea.

It is quite proper that we begin our pilgrimage with a sermon. On second

thought, perhaps we should commence with someone else.

Lovely hostess.

If no one else will commence, I would be quite glad to oblige you with what is a

trifling tale.

Oh, no need for modesty, dear knight. I'm sure your tale will be as excellent

your manners.

Sounds like false modesty, if I may say so. Oh, shut up, you drunken sot.

Wonderful.

Let's get started.

Tale is a true story and very dear to my heart.

I wasn't always a wealthy knight.

When my father died, he left vast sums of money to my mother and my two older

brother.

And while I was away at school, my brother squandered the money and their

forced them to leave the country.

My mother fled in shame to Italy.

When news arrived of her terrible plight, I vowed to return her one day to

homeland.

I set off immediately to obtain that goal.

On my way to Italy, I happened to cross a monk escorting a young abbot to see

the Pope.

Good day to you. Good day, fair knight.

I hope you've had a fine voyage.

An excellent voyage, my son.

You've picked a fine time of year for a trip.

Who is the lad?

Oh, a fine young gentleman.

Actually, he's a relative of mine.

He's just been named the abbot to one of the largest and richest abbeys in all

of England.

He's so young that we will ask the Pope to intervene for his appointment.

The young abbot was the fairest man I'd ever seen.

and he treated my troubles with great compassion.

He said he would do his best to help me, so I offered my military services to

him.

When we finally reached lodgings, the accommodations were so poor, I found

myself sharing a small chamber with the abbot.

I protested, this room is much too small.

I'll go sleep in the stable.

No, stay here, please.

How long have you been a knight?

Just a few short months.

I am actually just in the learning stages as yet.

Brave knight, please join me in my bed.

I was so stunned at the proposition that I did not know whether to strike him or

what. Observe, dear knight.

And observe I did.

I observed what only a blind man could not have seen.

I am not a man, nor am I an abbot. I am traveling to see the Pope for him to

give my hand in a betrothal, whether it be for your good fortune or my

unhappiness. Since our conversation, my heart has gone out to you, and I cannot

resist anymore.

No woman has ever wanted to love a man more than I do you.

Despite my innocence, I will try hard to please you.

Thank you.

later found out, she asked the Pope if the two of us could be wed.

It could never be.

But what I did not know was the reason her wish could not be granted.

She was promised to the heir of Flanders, and her father was none other

King of England.

It was she, not any great deeds of valor or warring that made me a celebrated

knight. To the fine tale.

Although...

I'm at a loss to explain the moral of that tale.

A tale without morals.

Getting some tale is often moral enough.

Stop that, blubbery miller.

Still, it is not a full story.

You never told us about your mother.

That, I think, is quite obvious even to a fool.

And we certainly have enough of those around here.

Well, we're off to a fine start. That was quite well told.

Thank you, kind hostess.

Since the carpenter had a wry word, we'll let him tell his tale next.

I know one that can top that.

Yes, I'm sure you do, but you'll be so kind as to not tell it quite yet.

I will tell my tale.

You're too drunk to talk.

You need a better man to tell his tale now.

Write down until you've regained your senses.

I will not be cheated out of my turn. You won't be.

Now shut up until you've recovered your wits, carpenter.

Your tale is next.

I will only be too happy to tell it.

There was a miller in the town of Oxford.

An evil man. There's no need to get nasty just because I'm a little bit

and unruly.

Hike down, miller.

Carpenter, continue your tale while we continue our journey.

Anyway, this particular miller was, as I stated, an evil man.

Greed and conceit filled his life, for he pilfered from all those who brought

grain for milling.

His family and thriving business should have been enough, but all of that is

gone now, and here is how it happened.

The miller ground the grain for a nearby Cambridge college, and he cheated them

royally. The proctor of the college had taken ill, causing an increase in his

fundering. Then one day...

events suddenly took a turn for the better.

It started when two students went to the millers with the school's grain.

Good day, kind miller.

Good day, good day.

We would like to watch you, sir, as you grind the grain.

My grinding process is a trade secret.

No one gets to view, not even my lovely wife and daughter.

Well, how will we know we have the right amount of flour if we don't see your

process? Do you think I'd cheat you?

I will make you a deal.

My wife is in need of fresh milk and eggs.

If you will gather the eggs and milk the cows, I will grind your grain for free.

The miller's wife had seen her husband take advantage of those students in a

sense in good manners.

It's a deal.

So she decided to put a stop to his evil dealings. Oh, that man of mine was just

always straight.

What do you mean, Maddox?

Those boys are far too nice to be cheated by that bastard.

It's high time we decided to put a stop to that.

I have devised a plan.

You must estimate the student's flower while I keep your father busy.

And then later on tonight...

You'll weigh the same amount and return it to the students' bags.

Oh, but how are you going to keep him busy?

A woman has her ways.

What? You will learn something new today.

Swiftly you do that.

Go away, woman. I have work to do.

But I thought you might like me to help you mill the grain.

Have you lost your senses, woman?

Only I mill the grain.

And alone.

Now get back to your chores and let me get back to mine.

Oh, who's that coming up over the knoll?

What?

Up over the hill.

A lone rider with two heavy bags.

Let me see.

Has your eyesight gone as sour as your mind, woman?

There's no one there. Over there, to the south.

A tiny speck on the horizon.

There's no one there, woman.

Oh, you're right.

Well, there was someone there a moment ago.

He's very curious, I think.

Who would come all this way just to return when he's at his journey's end?

Maybe he's just resting just over the hill.

I think you've taken leave of your senses.

Now get out of here and let me get back to my work and you get back to yours.

Yes, dear husband.

And I'm growing hungry and thirsty.

When I'm finished here, I want my dinner ready.

Well, have you finished your chores?

I have.

There's a flower.

This is all?

There should be much more than that.

You're very tired, I think, and your eyes cannot be trusted to be the judge.

I am exhausted.

Can you put us up for the night? We will pay you.

Of course.

I'm sure we can work out a suitable price.

Later. But first, let's eat.

Now eat, young man.

You'll be needing your strength.

When the meal was finished, the miller's daughter showed the students their bed.

Oh, excuse me. The fault is mine. Excuse me for bumming your privates.

Ah, such lovely privates they are.

I'm just saying that because I'm so plain.

Quite to the contrary. You are beautiful.

Oh, enough of this. You should be going to bed.

Here, let me help you out of all your clothes.

Should you be doing this? Oh, don't be silly.

But you might see my privates. I certainly hope so.

What good is having a rooster if it doesn't crow?

Out with you, rooster.

I want to see who can crow the lattice.

While the miller in a drunken stuber climbed into his own bed with his bounty

twice.

What's he doing here?

Huh?

This is not supposed to be a festival.

Oh, Mother, what are you doing up at this hour?

That, my dear girl, is a question I should be asking you.

But I can see quite clearly with my own eyes, and I have half a mind to join

you. Then do.

There are two, and there is enough for both of us. Yes, but first, I must tell

you boys that your full amount of flour is outside the door.

It is?

It's quite kind, my dear lady.

I measured it out myself this evening.

But now, I have rather a different kind of measurement in mind.

What a fine ruler you have here.

And to think, I've been putting up with my husband's little Peter all these

years.

Definitely as good as your daughter, who is every bit as delicious.

Good night, sir.

That was a hideous ale.

And a very bigoted one as well.

But very appropriate, considering its moral.

And what would that be, monk, if you would be so kind as to inform us?

Nonsense. Just simply a story, not a sermon to be dissected and analyzed.

Well, as we are on a pilgrimage to the tomb of the Blessed Martyr, I think it's

only appropriate to discuss the edifying and moral issues of life.

Bah, just for entertainment, nothing more or less.

Exactly. And not a bad tale, if I may say so. And well -timed, too.

I suggest we camp here for the night, in this clearing.

An excellent idea.

This horse is beginning to hurt my bottom.

I'll rub it for you. My horse? Why, thank you, Miller.

I'm famished.

Well, whose story is next?

I think we should save our story for the traveling.

Let us simply enjoy the night in silence.

An excellent idea.

I think I shall retire to our tent.

Pleasant rest.

Good night.

Good night.

Well, I believe I too shall retire.

Good evening.

Good night.

Yes, I think I too shall go off now. Wait.

I have an idea that I think you all will find enthralling.

Here, let me help you out.

Follow me.

Where on God's earth is he taking us tonight?

Are you about to play another of your drunken tricks?

No, no, come on.

Come, quickly.

Come on.

Come on, quickly.

This is sinful.

It is an affront to man's dignity.

Disgusting. Don't worry.

It will get better.

Oh, your breasts feel so nice against my skin.

Oh,

yeah.

It's an image sent from heaven. Hell, once it came.

Don't complain, monk.

It's just a little fun.

It is quite exquisite, wouldn't you say, carpenter?

A sight to behold.

A wonderful sight.

Oh, you make my body quiver.

Is everyone ready to leave?

All ready, dear hostess.

Come one, come all, and hear of the Canterbury Tales.

The woes, the passions, and love at last in full detail.

Join in the libations, enjoy philately.

You too can feel a part of the tale you're soon to see.

So drink a toast of tea, my friend, and enjoy the mirth and glee, for we're

about to start on the road to Canterbury.

To start our storytelling today is the Lady of Bath.

Ah, I can't wait to hear this tale.

I'd rather see her tale. Miller, drunk already?

Please, do try to contain yourself.

Lady? Very well.

Lewis was a lady -in -waiting.

who was of high birth.

But through the sinister dealings of a certain lord, her father, the lord of

Bath, had been driven from his land and died poor as a beggar and infirm as a

leper. From the time she was a little girl, she was determined to regain her

father's land.

She was eventually able to secure a position as a lady of waiting with the

lord that rendered her family's name void.

Of course, the lord did not know she was the daughter of the lord of Bath.

The Lord was also known far and wide as a lecher, and the lady -in -waiting used

this to her advantage.

His lady, however, knew of her husband's indiscretions, but she did not know

with whom her husband was sleeping, and lavished favors on the lady -in -waiting

in order to solicit her as a spy on her husband.

But the lady had her own nocturnal affairs.

Well, all proceeded according to her plan.

But the lady of waiting needed a stroke of opportunity and luck to bring her

plan to full blossom.

And that came by way of a surprise visit from the queen.

It took the lord very little time before he had the queen in his bedchamber and

began to perform perverse acts upon her body.

Of course, the Lord had entrusted the lady in waiting to keep the hall clear.

The lady of waiting took advantage of the opportunity to also arrange a

between the lady and the stable boy.

It tastes delicious.

um

She's alive!

Oh, she's alive!

Oh God.

No.

In both cases, the lady of waiting was to announce any imminent danger by

knocking rapidly three times on the door.

The king approaches.

Oh, my God. My husband has advanced. God has already arrived.

I'm done for if he catches me here with you.

And need I remind you that your head will be on the block with mine if he

catches me with you.

There's no need to worry, my dear. I've taken care of everything.

But we must hurry.

Come on.

The king approaches the castle. The king. Quick, out of here.

My lord will surely be looking for me to make preparations for the king.

Yes, my lady. Make haste, and I will hide you in my chamber.

My lady, and with the stable, boy, how could you? My lord, with the queen,

be your head this time, you wretch of a slut. Oh, stop. You can settle your

differences later. But now the king approaches the front of the palace.

I suggest we hush up this whole sordid affair.

After all, no one knows of it but those who would rather forget.

Except, of course, for me.

And what, pray tell, would keep you silenced forever?

To have my father's land restored to its rightful heiress.

Just who is your father?

The Lord of Bath.

Oh, my God.

The wench has swindled us.

There is nothing more I would rather see than the king catching my dear lord

with his prick still dripping.

with the delicious love juices of the queen, and then watching his head roll

the block.

You harlot! Except, of course, to have my lands restored to their rightful

owner. That land is quite valuable.

Surely a chest of gold would be more to your liking, you ill -bred whore.

More to my liking would be to watch the blade split your neck.

I've ushered the king's guards to every entrance except one.

If you sign this deed, then I shall tell you how to escape.

If not, what do you say?

Sign the deed, you wretched whoremonger.

Yes, sign the wretched deed.

Can't you see she has all our heads on the block?

Quite a classical tale of musical bed.

Excellent. Best told yet.

The wages upset us, kind monk.

I believe Mr. Miller's tale is next to be told.

It seems Mr. Miller is a bit indisposed at the moment.

We'll have to pass this turn this time around.

Just as well. I can imagine the sword has paled itself.

May I suggest, fair hostess, that in light of our rather fortunate turn of

events, you tell a tale of your own.

I don't think that'd be appropriate.

Please, fair hostess, honor us with your story. I quite agree.

I would be honored to listen.

Well, all right, but have patience with my tale, for I was not prepared for

this.

I'd like to tell you the story of how the gypsies got the whine in their

violins. In the gypsy ways, a lady must first win her prospective husband's

approval by dancing for him and proving her talent.

What is the matter, my child?

I'm in love with two men, Shitar and Bitar. I cannot choose between them.

I must have them both for my husband.

I read the tarot cards, and they promised the three of us would spend

together.

I danced and danced for them all evening, and still there's no response.

Isn't it meant to be?

Perhaps.

But not until after a little heartbreak.

What you need to do is go to the big beech tree at the edge of camp at

and stamp three times.

Then spit over your left shoulder and the great horned one will reveal himself

to you.

I'll do whatever it takes to win their affection.

Thank you, Babushka.

Beautiful gypsy, how may I serve you?

I was told to come to you for help.

I'm in love with two men.

I want them both for my husband.

I can't choose between them.

Kinky, have you danced for them?

Oh, yes.

Yes, I danced for them all evening.

But they paid me no attention.

Well, don't worry a bit about it.

I have just the thing to capture their heart.

The violin will produce such a wonderful sound that no mortal will be able to

withstand it. I offer no service for free.

At the cock's crow, you will return to me and be my lover for the whole day or

you will perish.

Here, let me teach you how to play.

The seductive sounds of the violin wove their magic to perfection.

Oh no.

Oh no.

I love it.

Squeeze tight.

Squeeze my balls.

In the Gypsy tradition, a ring of gold is used as an enhancement to the sexual

bond and symbolizes the never -ending love and the all -encompassing powers of

the universe.

enraptured by her newfound passion, forgot her promise to the Master of

Darkness, and so he came to collect what was rightfully his.

And all that could be found in their place was the violin and bow.

And that's how the gypsies got the wine and their violin.

What a wonderful, beautiful tale.

And a learning one, too.

Shows you what can happen when one makes a contract with the forces of darkness.

Makes me want to cry.

That's a wonderful tale.

But I don't quite recall how it began.

Now, I shall recount my own tale.

Poor Miller.

I'm afraid our journey's come to an end.

Canterbury's right over that ridge there.

You had your turn, but you were too drunk to have taken it.

Such a fitting turn of things.

Damn your pious hide, Monk.

Let's not, Baker.

Onward to the inn. And after we freshen up a bit, I'll treat you all to a merry

meal.

Quiet,

quiet, please.

I would like to propose a toast.

A toast to our fair hostess for her bestowing upon us in her generosity this

fine meal.

And an announcement.

I know that you were to be our sole judge in this contest of tales.

However, well, to put it bluntly, we have all voted.

And we have voted you out as the judge.

And we have voted you in.

As Victor.

No argument.

No,

no, no, no. It's been agreed upon.

Too late.

Well, then.

I shall take the purse and give it to the needy.

May I talk to you a moment?

Of course, please.

Why did you do that?

Just as I said, everyone had agreed.

You've shown us your generosity.

I would like to show you mine in a more private and personal manner.

I'd like that.

I've been dying to get into a nice, comfortable bed in the sand, but I

sleeping in comfort alone.

Would you be so kind as to oblige a traveling lady?

Consider me just a loyal servant of your ladyship.

It looks like we're the only one from our pilgrimage that hasn't gone to bed.

And we had a long trip from Canterbury, and we heard many bawdy tales to fill

our dreams.

So now I think I must go to bed.

Well, here's to the end, my son.

I'll drink to it.

I shall read the scriptures before retiring.

Such a brave and strong knight.

But no knight is any stronger than his sword.

And how is your sword?

My sword is poised and ready.

As hard as steel.

To serve its lady at her mere beckon.

Then let me beckon it out of its sheath.

Take me.

At last.

Mm -hmm.

Mm.

On the road to Canterbury when I was riding behind you. I was watching your

tight ass.

And that whore.

I envied your whore.

I was wondering what the front of you looked like.

I'm delighted to hear that.

May I lick your balls?

Wow, I can feel your caca whiskey.

Mmm, all right, that's still a prick.

Sounds good in the late...

Hmm.

How do you like my tool, my lady?

I like it.

Love, love.

Oh, my stiff carpenter tool feels good in them.

Bring it here.

But you can't between my breasts.

Yes.

It's a nice family jewel.

It is such a wonderful thing a woman does.

Such a strong knight.

His sword is definitely strong.

It's used for all the needs of a woman, as she wishes.

Bye, Moon.

It's a plastic

This is the sort of moral I've been searching for.

Oh, my child.

You have a divine mouth. Moral, moral, moral.

Moral.

Yes,

this is the true divine spirit of...

mortal man bless

you

my dear