All language subtitles for Tales From The Crypt (1989) S06E08 The Assassin.en

So, then I was over in India,

you know, and I whipped
up this little monsoon.

Man, I must have
reaped hundreds that day.

Hundreds, just like that.

- Really?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

Of course, I normally prefer to take
souls one at a time, one at a time,

but, you know, I had
taken some vacation days

and it was the end of the month,
and, so, you know how it goes.

By the way, did I mention
that I was in Europe?

There was an Elvis sighting
there, so I figured I'd check it out,

but it was just a fat guy in a
sequin suit. I took him anyway.

Is this guy boring or what? All
he ever talks about is himself.

I gotta remember that the next time he
comes to town and wants to get together.

Oh, really?

- That's very interesting.
- Yes, I thought so, too.

But enough about me.

- I want to tell you why I am here.
- I know why you're here,

to eat my food
and drink my liquor.

- More champagne?
- Why, sure. Thanks.

Who are you saving
the good stuff for?

You know, you and I have
been friends for a long time,

and much as I enjoy
these little visits,

it seems to me that this tomb is not
quite big enough for the both of us.

What's that supposed to mean?

I want to propose a
contest between you and me.

- Winner take all.
- And the loser?

You're on, pal.

- One.
- Two.

My rock beats your scissors.

- Damn.
- Give me your hand.

Well, kiddies, looks
like your pal, the Crypt

Keeper, is in the fright
of his life... Death...

Which is kind of like the
woman in tonight's terror tale.

It's a nasty little
chopping spree I call...

Chop!

"The Assassin."

That didn't hurt one bit.

- Second round?
- Go for it.

Honey.

Perfect.

- I love you.
- I love you.

- I want to take you away this weekend.
- Where to?

Anywhere you want.

- Just as long as you're happy.
- I'm happy when I'm with you.

See you tonight.

Don't forget, the Seldons
are coming for dinner.

How you do it I'll never know.

Janet McKay, you
are quite a woman.

Of course I am, silly.
What else would I be?

Excuse me, may I help you?

I hope so, Mrs. McKay.
My name's Simone Bardou.

I'm with the Los Angeles
Police Department.

I'd like to ask you a few
questions about your husband.

- My husband?
- Yes. When do you expect him home?

At 7:00. May I ask
what this is all about?

Routine matter, ma'am.

When you say 7:00, do you
mean he leaves work at 7:00

or he actually
arrives home at 7:00?

I think I'd better call
my husband right now.

That really won't be necessary. As I
said, the questions are merely a formality.

I think you should know

that my husband and I have friends
in the Police Department, Miss Bardou.

Friends in high places.

Do you know Captain Landau?

Yes ma'am. I know
the Captain very well.

- You do?
- It was his idea I speak with you alone.

We believe that you'd be in great danger
if your husband ever found out I was here.

Danger? What're you talking about?
Jeremy would never hurt anybody.

Perhaps not the Jeremy you know.

But the man I'm acquainted with

would kill a man as casually
as he'd pull the wings off a fly.

You're crazy.

"Say goodnight, Gracie."

The bitch went for the
phone. I had no choice.

Come on. She had you
nailed from the get go.

- You're wrong.
- William, am I wrong?

From the get go.

You walk right into my house, cop or
no cop, I'm gonna blow your head off.

- Wasn't very smart.
- Smart?

We're not even talking about
smart, don't mention the other thing.

What a boner.

You're both so full of shit,
like you could have done better.

Hello, cloak-and-dagger
101. SIMONE: Shut up!

She's coming around.

What did she say?

Well, it sounds
like "closer, closer."

She wants the drink
moved closer. She's thirsty.

No. If she wanted a drink,
she'd say, "drink" or "Scotch."

She wouldn't say,
"Puh." Use your head.

Who cares how she says
it. Just give her the drink.

No wait.

Look, look, see.

Coaster.

Use a coaster.

- Yes.
- Damn it!

How did I get stuck with the
two of you as my clean-up crew?

Listen, I would look in the
mirror if I were you, okay?

'Cause I'm not the
only one who's got this

bitch figured out
back-asswards, all right?

Question time, lady.

This Captain Landau you
mentioned, fact or fiction?

- Don't answer. I don't want to know.
- Fiction.

She fed you a line. You took it
in the cheek hook, line and sinker.

Now, I beg your pardon, but
who is stuck with whom here?

Look, I couldn't
take the chance.

Why would she lie to me about
something like that anyway?

'Cause she's onto your
pathetic cop routine, that's why.

Bullshit.

Something about this bitch
that makes me very nervous.

Why would you
lie to me like that?

Because you're dumb.

No policeman in his right mind
would break into someone's home.

What a mess.

Women are always
bleeding on the furniture.

Let's grab some munchies.

Sorry. Hope that doesn't stain.

That's a real kicker.

Your hubby used to glare at me
just like that, real fire in his eyes.

- He ever tell you about us? I bet not.
- What about you?

We were an item
once upon a time.

But we'll save the girl
talk for later, shall we?

I don't know how
you eat those things.

It's grain. It's good for you.

I love the decor in the kitchen.
Did you do that yourself, ma'am?

Would somebody please
tell me what this is all about?

I have a dinner party tonight.

That's a good one.

She has a dinner
party tonight. I like that.

Wanna know what this is about?

- We're here to kill Ronald Wald.
- Who?

- Your husband.
- My husband's name is Jeremy McKay.

But in a former life
it was Ronald Wald.

Okay, Ronald was an operative
for a covert group within the CIA,

set up to eradicate certain
problematic situations.

Radicals on US soil.

Hush-hush situations
where the President felt

it was better for that
individual to just disappear

than for the entire nation
to just air its dirty laundry.

My husband worked
for the President?

- Your husband was an assassin.
- One of the best.

And then a few years ago,
he just up and disappeared.

Left a letter behind saying

he thought that The Company
was trying to set him up.

Of course, they were. But in
our line of work, you don't just quit.

The Company retires you
when they're ready not before.

And this man you
think is my husband,

this Ronald Wald, nobody
has seen him since?

Exactly. Vanished
into thin air until now.

No. No!

You idiots. You
have the wrong man.

This isn't my husband. This
doesn't even look like my husband.

This...

This is my husband. This
is the man I'm married to.

Jeremy McKay, see?

I said the man is an
AWOL assassin for the CIA.

He has been
missing for five years.

Do you really think he could avoid us for
this long walking around in his own skin?

He's changed his
appearance, you stupid cow.

He's changed his hair, his face,
his fingerprints. He's a new man.

- But he got sloppy. He forgot one thing.
- His teeth.

That's right, his teeth.

Two weeks ago, we matched a set
of dental records on the NSA computer

with a Ronald Wald and a J.
McKay in Chatsworth, California.

Now, after all these
years, it just so happens

that your husband decided that he wanted
to have a little problem tooth capped.

That little vanity
cost him his cover.

Ring a bell?

I don't understand.

Mrs. McKay, your husband has
some very unusual bridgework.

So unusual, in fact,

that his dentist plugged into
a dental forum on the Internet

to get some help from
his fellow tooth fairies.

Now, it just happens, on pure fluke, one of
our spooks was listening to the exchange.

Well, we ran his x-rays
through our computer, well...

Here we are.

Your husband's been a very bad
boy. Time to clean up his mess.

It's going to take me
about three hours to set up.

I'd like to get started,
if it's all right with you.

Do it. Take her to the
basement. Put a gun in her mouth.

We have a no witness policy here,
Mrs. McKay. I'm sure you understand.

Let's go for a walk.

I haven't done anything, please.

Chalk it up to being
born helpless and pretty.

Okay, here we go.

Problem is we don't want
anybody getting in on our business.

Throw light on the subject.

I don't wanna frighten
you in the dark, you know.

Coming down these stairs,
you know, this is scary.

Look at that.

You know, Mrs. McKay, it's always the
toughest first time to whack somebody.

After that, you
generally get used to it.

Well, not you, of course,
because it will be your only time.

Got one little critique for
you, though. The kitchen floor.

Ceramic tile is out. Kitchen
carpeting is the way to go.

Trust me, I don't know
if you can tell that or not

but just look at me
and you'll know it's true.

Oh, gee, I don't want to get
into the whole thing, you know.

I like this.

This is a nice set
up you got here.

Let me ask you a question,
Mrs. McKay. What do you prefer?

Do you prefer the
StairMaster or the bike?

- Treadmill.
- Treadmill? Yeah, me, too. Yeah.

Yeah, tightens the old buns,
you know what I'm saying?

Good buns to tighten, too. I got
some tight buns. You should feel them.

Go ahead, grab
them. It's all right.

- See? See what I mean? Yeah.
- You're right.

- That's nice.
- Thank you, I know.

- Don't kill me.
- Mrs. McKay, just, you know, stop that.

I've got a job to do.

You've got a job to do. Your
job is to die. My job is to kill you.

- So sit down and just, you know...
- But what about sex, Todd?

Well, what about it? I mean,
you know, personally speaking,

I think it's, you know, a lot of hard
work to smell somebody's bad breath,

personally. But that's just me.

- That's not true.
- You know...

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Mrs. McKay.

- Slow down, okay? You know...
- I could show you.

- You could?
- Don't you like girls?

Yeah, I like girls
just fine, Mrs. McKay.

I... I...

I just think they kind of find me
creepy, you know what I mean?

I don't find you creepy.

- You don't?
- No.

- Come on. Come on.
- Mrs. McKay.

- I really think you should stop now...
- I know just how you like it.

No, you don't.

- Yes, I do.
- You couldn't possibly know

- how I like it, all right?
- Come on.

Okay? All right. Just stop,
please. Take your hand off me.

Take your...

- Take your hand off of me, Mrs. McKay.
- Just the way you like it.

Come on, Todd.

- Hey, Mrs. McKay...
- Why don't you take me this way, Todd?

Yeah...

Mrs. McKay, that
is the way I like it.

Mrs. McKay, I'm still gonna
kill you when I'm finished.

Whoa! Whoa!

Hey, Mrs. McKay. Mrs.
McKay. Stop it. Stop it!

Stop it! Stop! Mrs. McKay!

Mrs. McKay, stop it.

Help me. Help...

Help me.

Are we ready yet?

You know, I would very much like
to make my 12-step program tonight.

Oh, don't worry. We'll be
out of here way before then.

I'd like them both to leave
in a two-ply garbage bag.

- Drawstring or twisty top?
- Which ever.

What the hell is keeping him?

- I'll be right back.
- Chop-chop.

So, did she go out sniveling
or did she take it like a man?

Todd?

Todd?

Son of a bitch!

Okay.

Okay.

We have to talk.

Who are you?

I'm your worst nightmare,
a woman with balls.

You don't have balls, lady.

You don't know the
first thing about them.

I've disemboweled a man
while he was screwing me.

That took balls.

I've shot my own people in the
head so as not to blow my cover.

I even let your husband use me up
while he held a loaded gun to my head.

Why? Because I knew
it really turned him on.

Does he still like
the rough stuff, huh?

Does he still like it when you bite
his neck so hard that it draws blood?

- Does he? Does he?
- Yes.

See, you can change the way you look,
but you can't change what you're made of.

To tell you the truth, it's
gonna be really good to see him.

- It's been such a long time.
- Not long enough, Gwen.

- What did you just call me?
- I called you Gwen.

At least that's what you told me
your name was when we were dating.

I would've thought you of all people
would have something nice to say

about my new bridgework.

Ronald?

Goodbye, Gwen.

I'd love to reminisce a little
longer, but as I said before,

I have a dinner party at 7:00.

Oh, my God, it's 5:00.

I really have my
work cut out for me.

Well, you and your
friends will just have to help.

Round we go.

And the ball was heading
straight for the hole.

I am looking at a birdie,

and out of nowhere comes this
ground squirrel, steals the ball

and I suppose is putting
it away for the winter.

Honey, only a squirrel
could ruin your perfect putting.

- More salad anyone?
- No. Fine, thank you.

Darn it.

Honey, look what Larry found.

Sweetheart, it was a joke.
Larry's just kidding around.

Well, it isn't funny. I
nearly had a heart attack.

- What are you doing later?
- I don't know. What did you have in mind?

- I bought a new paddle.
- You did?

Yes, I did.

And when daddy gets through
spanking mommy, maybe we can play spy.

Only if you bite Ronnie
right here, just where I like it.

- Bite who? Who's Ronnie?
- I said "mommy". Bite mommy.

Great flavor. What's in it?

Just a little something some
friends helped me throw together.

How you do it I'll never know.

Janet McKay, you
are quite a woman.

Of course I am, silly.

What else would I be?

- One, two, three.
- Damn!

That Janet, she must
be a hell of a cook.

I don't know about you, kiddies, but I
found Simone pretty hard to swallow.

Personally, I wouldn't
have made them into a stew.

I think creeps suzette would
have been much more appropriate.

Ready?

Well, looks like I won.

Hey, what are you talking
about? I am still here.

Let's play again. Come
on. Double or nothing.

Take my advice, pal,
quit while you're a head.

English -SDH