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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,000 *** Subtitles by dylux *** 2 00:00:22,666 --> 00:00:24,958 ("Contrasting Strangers" by The Light playing) 3 00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,499 (Abigail “Abby” Flores) I always knew how I wanted 4 00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:31,041 my first sexual experience to play out. 5 00:00:32,415 --> 00:00:34,333 I'd be effortlessly cool, 6 00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,665 irresistible. 7 00:00:36,666 --> 00:00:38,625 (Margaret Flores) Abby? Abby? 8 00:00:39,208 --> 00:00:41,458 Abby, are you swinging alone in the dark? 9 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,749 (Dog barking) 10 00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:46,207 Can you take Mom's car to get some dessert? 11 00:00:46,208 --> 00:00:47,958 The Cruz's are here in ten. 12 00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:53,999 (Abby) I'd have all the right moves. 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:55,916 Shit. (Grunts) 14 00:00:56,583 --> 00:00:57,750 Number 71. 15 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:01,665 (Abby) And no matter how or where it happened, 16 00:01:01,666 --> 00:01:03,124 it would be with him... 17 00:01:03,125 --> 00:01:04,665 (Inaudible) 18 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,208 ...Max Warren. 19 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,790 With his piercing green eyes. 20 00:01:09,791 --> 00:01:11,540 His killer smile. 21 00:01:11,541 --> 00:01:13,040 Even his neck zit. 22 00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:14,666 Ugh, relatable. 23 00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:19,790 Our first interaction was like something out of a romance novel. 24 00:01:19,791 --> 00:01:22,124 ♪ Contrasting strangers ♪ 25 00:01:22,125 --> 00:01:24,290 Hi, I'm Abby. 26 00:01:24,291 --> 00:01:25,374 I'm Max. 27 00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:26,791 Well, goodbye. 28 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:31,625 I'm Mercedes. I'm your girlfriend. 29 00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:36,540 (Abby) And when we were 12, he said the words that changed everything. 30 00:01:36,541 --> 00:01:38,750 I guess... Abby. 31 00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:42,082 (Abby) "I guess Abby." 32 00:01:42,083 --> 00:01:45,833 He picked me and I picked him right back. 33 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,125 (Server) Number 72. 34 00:01:49,916 --> 00:01:52,040 Uh, one scoop of cherry ice cream. 35 00:01:52,041 --> 00:01:54,207 Gummy worms on top. Double worms? 36 00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:57,165 Oh, no, single serving, please. 37 00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:59,250 Too many worms and I get a gummy-ache. 38 00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:04,250 Every time I go to Harry's, we have the same conversation. 39 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:07,499 But this time was different. 40 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,750 How's it going? 41 00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,333 Oh, it's chill. 42 00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,374 I mean, a little weird recently, but... 43 00:02:13,375 --> 00:02:16,790 Oh, no. Why... Why? 44 00:02:16,791 --> 00:02:21,208 Uh... Mercedes and I, we broke up. 45 00:02:21,583 --> 00:02:23,915 - (High-pitched ringing) - (Distorted) We broke up. We broke up. 46 00:02:23,916 --> 00:02:25,625 (Echoing) We broke up. We broke up. 47 00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,125 We broke up. 48 00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:34,957 ♪ Yes, I know he's the one ♪ 49 00:02:34,958 --> 00:02:40,791 ♪ The one my heart has won... ♪ 50 00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:47,207 Please welcome for the first time as people in a marriage, 51 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:49,124 Mr. and Mrs. Warren. 52 00:02:49,125 --> 00:02:52,082 (Bystanders cheering) 53 00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:57,540 ♪ You know it's been so long ♪ 54 00:02:57,541 --> 00:03:02,875 ♪ My heart is waiting here ♪ 55 00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,249 I wanna be with you for, like, forever and shit. 56 00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:09,832 Oh, Max, I... I wanna kiss you for the rest of my life. 57 00:03:09,833 --> 00:03:11,749 God, I hope you practiced on your hand. 58 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:12,832 (Abby) Oh, I have. 59 00:03:12,833 --> 00:03:14,541 I really have. 60 00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:19,499 ♪ Each night I pray for you ♪ 61 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,749 ♪ Before I... ♪ 62 00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:22,374 (Realtor) Sign here for your house mortgage. 63 00:03:22,375 --> 00:03:25,207 ♪ I pray the God above ♪ 64 00:03:25,208 --> 00:03:28,999 - ♪ Will keep you safe for me ♪ - (Crowd cheering) 65 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,582 - ♪ Yes, I know... ♪ - (Nurse) It's a girl. 66 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,415 Congratulations. 67 00:03:32,416 --> 00:03:33,957 What should we name her? 68 00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:35,415 Mercedes? 69 00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:36,624 That's fucked up. 70 00:03:36,625 --> 00:03:39,375 ♪ ...my heart has won ♪ 71 00:03:40,916 --> 00:03:42,082 ♪ Your love-- ♪ 72 00:03:42,083 --> 00:03:43,165 Number 73. 73 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:44,749 - (Crickets chirping) - (People chattering) 74 00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:45,916 Number 73. 75 00:03:47,791 --> 00:03:49,249 Sorry about you and Mercedes. 76 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,708 Oh, it's cool. 77 00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:53,082 Thanks. 78 00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,250 Oh, uh, can I also get a couple pints of... 79 00:03:56,416 --> 00:03:58,625 - "How's it going?" - Oh! The other side. 80 00:04:01,416 --> 00:04:03,707 Two pints coming right up, Cherry Worms. 81 00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,082 (Music warbles and stops) 82 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:12,915 (Abby) Somewhere between Cherry Worms and my driveway, reality hit. 83 00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,957 Even with Max being newly single, 84 00:04:14,958 --> 00:04:17,040 why would he ever choose me? 85 00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:20,124 In my sexual fantasy, we never did anything 86 00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,415 because I've never done anything. 87 00:04:22,416 --> 00:04:24,416 I just needed a step in the right direction. 88 00:04:25,125 --> 00:04:27,790 - ("French Girl" by AXS Music playing) - Shit. 89 00:04:27,791 --> 00:04:29,749 - I go to St. Bernadette's. - (Car horn honks) 90 00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,082 - (Tires screech) - (Driver) Move! 91 00:04:31,083 --> 00:04:34,332 (Abby) A private, Catholic rich-kid school 92 00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,874 where stuff like this is normal. 93 00:04:36,875 --> 00:04:37,999 (Group grunting) 94 00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:44,916 (Students chattering) 95 00:04:46,250 --> 00:04:47,540 (Student) Don't cry, Mercedes. 96 00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:49,207 (Voice breaking) I thought Max was the one. 97 00:04:49,208 --> 00:04:51,540 We were supposed to get married 98 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:54,625 and have a baby and a house mortgage. 99 00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:56,665 (Mercedes crying) 100 00:04:56,666 --> 00:04:58,291 It's not fair. I'm pretty. 101 00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:02,875 ("French Girl" continues) 102 00:05:06,458 --> 00:05:08,165 (Abby) At St. Bernadette's, 103 00:05:08,166 --> 00:05:11,624 every kid is named after an apostle or a luxury brand. 104 00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:12,707 (Teacher) Luke? 105 00:05:12,708 --> 00:05:14,000 Paul? 106 00:05:14,958 --> 00:05:15,958 Tiffany? 107 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,458 Chanel? Max? 108 00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:20,499 (Abby) Max was different. 109 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,666 If I wanted him, I had to think outside the box. 110 00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:24,374 (Student) Psst! 111 00:05:24,375 --> 00:05:25,791 (Teacher) Gucci? 112 00:05:27,208 --> 00:05:28,332 Matthew? 113 00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:30,291 Hey. Pass it to Dior. 114 00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,707 (Teacher) Dolce? John? 115 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:34,999 ("French Girl" continues) 116 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,790 (Abby) At my school if you wanted answers to life's questions, 117 00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:40,999 most pray to a bearded ghost-gentleman. 118 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,332 I turn to a much more reliable source of information. 119 00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:49,082 Our school mascot, the St. Bernard, AKA Bernie. 120 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:52,165 People often forget there's a person under all that costume. 121 00:05:52,166 --> 00:05:54,082 So he hears it all. 122 00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:57,374 (Bernie) So, you wanna get with Max now that he's single. 123 00:05:57,375 --> 00:05:58,707 Tell me what you know. 124 00:05:58,708 --> 00:06:01,124 This wasn't the first time I used the mascot 125 00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,124 for Max-related knowledge. 126 00:06:03,125 --> 00:06:05,749 Max Warren. Tell me what you know. 127 00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,624 (7-year-old Bernie) His Mom works at Bank of America. 128 00:06:07,625 --> 00:06:09,332 His Uncle, missing. 129 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:10,999 No one's seen him since Lent. 130 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,915 His Uncle gave up soda and then he was gone. 131 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:16,208 Do you think I have a chance? 132 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,332 (7-year-old Bernie) No. 133 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,375 ("French Girl" continues playing) 134 00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,625 - (Player) Heads up! - (Ball thumps) 135 00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,499 I heard Mercedes might be moving. 136 00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:28,874 (Junior Bernie) She was, but then Max convinced her father 137 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:32,207 that St. Bernadette's would provide a more faith-forward upbringing. 138 00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,583 Goddammit. 139 00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:36,915 - (Player) Heads up! - (Ball thumps) 140 00:06:36,916 --> 00:06:39,332 I need to know how I can get with Max before we graduate 141 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,915 and potentially never see each other again. 142 00:06:40,916 --> 00:06:43,082 (Players chattering) 143 00:06:43,083 --> 00:06:45,665 He's all I've ever wanted, I'll do whatever it takes. 144 00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:48,000 (Bernie) And what is in it for moi? 145 00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:54,541 Um, I'm off sugar. (Quietly) I'm on Mounjaro. 146 00:06:55,250 --> 00:06:57,082 - Uh, I'll pay you money. - (Bernie) Twenty dollars. 147 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,166 - Deal. - (Bernie) Okay. 148 00:06:59,083 --> 00:07:01,540 - Locker room talk. What is he into? - (Cash register dings) 149 00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:05,165 Makin' out or-- or kissing or swappin' spit... 150 00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:06,915 (Bernie scoffs) Max loves to 69. 151 00:07:06,916 --> 00:07:08,290 (Cheerleaders chanting) 152 00:07:08,291 --> 00:07:09,374 Huh? 153 00:07:09,375 --> 00:07:12,999 (Bernie) Ask anyone, Max is obsessed with six to the nine. 154 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,874 (Chuckles) That's all he ever talks about with the boys. 155 00:07:15,875 --> 00:07:17,750 Definitely his favorite sexual position. 156 00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:20,749 But if kissing is more of your speed-- 157 00:07:20,750 --> 00:07:23,040 Oh, no, no. I've... (Scoffs) I... 158 00:07:23,041 --> 00:07:25,165 I've had my day in the bedroom department. 159 00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,832 I did assume he'd be slightly more advanced 160 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,290 in the bedroom department. 161 00:07:29,291 --> 00:07:31,250 I mean, he's been with Mercedes for years. 162 00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:35,832 That's a lot of time in the... bedroom department. 163 00:07:35,833 --> 00:07:37,291 (Bernie) Girl, you gotta stop calling it that. 164 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,957 Look, you don't need to 69 Max, 165 00:07:40,958 --> 00:07:46,916 but if you decide to 69 Max, you're his ho fo sho. 166 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,750 I 69 Max... 167 00:07:50,458 --> 00:07:52,958 I'm his ho fo sho. 168 00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,458 (Bernie) Yeah, don't-- don't say that either. 169 00:07:56,250 --> 00:07:58,290 (Abby) That was the moment I knew 170 00:07:58,291 --> 00:08:00,915 I was going to do whatever it took to get him. 171 00:08:00,916 --> 00:08:03,541 I was going to 69 Max Warren. 172 00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:07,457 Sexually. 173 00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:09,875 (Upbeat marching band music playing) 174 00:08:29,541 --> 00:08:31,040 ("69" by Todrick Hall playing) 175 00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:32,540 - ♪ When I walk in the room ♪ - ♪ What you do? ♪ 176 00:08:32,541 --> 00:08:35,040 ♪ I shut that motherfucker down, down, down ♪ 177 00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:36,540 - ♪ And when I bust out a move ♪ - ♪ Bust ♪ 178 00:08:36,541 --> 00:08:39,124 ♪ They motherfuckin' jaws hit the ground, ground, ground ♪ 179 00:08:39,125 --> 00:08:40,665 - ♪ I ain't got nothin' to prove ♪ - ♪ No ♪ 180 00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:42,790 ♪ They see me on the news in my home town, town, town ♪ 181 00:08:42,791 --> 00:08:44,332 ♪ They couldn't keep a good girl down ♪ 182 00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:46,040 ♪ Bitch, look at me now, now, now ♪ 183 00:08:46,041 --> 00:08:47,624 - ♪ I went from zero ♪ - ♪ Zero ♪ 184 00:08:47,625 --> 00:08:50,790 - ♪ To sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 185 00:08:50,791 --> 00:08:53,582 ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 186 00:08:53,583 --> 00:08:55,332 - ♪ When I walk in the club ♪ - ♪ What you do? ♪ 187 00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,749 ♪ I get them heads spinnin' round, round, round ♪ 188 00:08:57,750 --> 00:08:59,457 - ♪ I know they lookin' at us ♪ - ♪ Us ♪ 189 00:08:59,458 --> 00:09:01,832 ♪ Me and my girls we the talk of the town, town, town ♪ 190 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,665 - ♪ I'm feelin' so scandalous ♪ - ♪ Scandalous ♪ 191 00:09:03,666 --> 00:09:05,749 ♪ Everybody servin' booty and a leg, leg, leg ♪ 192 00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:07,207 ♪ The old me is dead, dead, dead ♪ 193 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:08,790 ♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet, yet, yet ♪ 194 00:09:08,791 --> 00:09:10,415 - ♪ I went from zero ♪ - ♪ Zero ♪ 195 00:09:10,416 --> 00:09:11,707 ♪ To sixty-nine ♪ 196 00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:13,457 ♪ Mind your business, I'll mind mine ♪ 197 00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:15,915 ♪ Got six-inch heels to strut ♪ 198 00:09:15,916 --> 00:09:17,832 ♪ Nine inches to... ♪ 199 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:18,915 ♪ I'll sixty-nine ♪ 200 00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:20,040 ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 201 00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:22,040 - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 202 00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:23,124 ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 203 00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:25,582 - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 204 00:09:25,583 --> 00:09:29,457 ♪ Yeah, they call it a runway but a bitch never run ♪ 205 00:09:29,458 --> 00:09:33,457 ♪ Yeah, I'm one in a million I make millions just for one ♪ 206 00:09:33,458 --> 00:09:35,124 - (Player) Heads up! - Hey, Max-- 207 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,082 - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 208 00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,165 ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 209 00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:40,082 - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 210 00:09:40,083 --> 00:09:41,499 ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 211 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,040 - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ - ♪ Sixty-nine ♪ 212 00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:46,708 She lives. 213 00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:52,374 Someone took a stroll onto an active soccer field. 214 00:09:52,375 --> 00:09:53,458 What's that about? 215 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:56,707 Sometimes when I get anxious, I nervous hallucinate. 216 00:09:56,708 --> 00:09:58,541 Oh, yeah, I've been there. 217 00:09:59,208 --> 00:10:02,249 I used to hallucinate all the time when I was your age. 218 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:05,125 But that's because I was on an ungodly amount of LSD. 219 00:10:06,666 --> 00:10:07,915 Okay. 220 00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,458 Off you go, my dear. 221 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:14,250 (Chuckles) 222 00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:17,666 I'll get to you in a minute. 223 00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:20,416 Jesus. 224 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,790 (Skinny dweeb) So I've been thinking on it. 225 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,332 What should we do for your birthday? 226 00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,665 (Goofy dweeb) My dad said he wanted to hire a hooker for it. 227 00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:31,415 Messed up, man. 228 00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,791 Your first time is about intimacy, connection. 229 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,040 Me and Chloe, forget it. 230 00:10:36,041 --> 00:10:37,500 - I wept after. - Hm. 231 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,541 The one time I performed oral sex, I was so emotional. 232 00:10:42,333 --> 00:10:44,458 I haven't cried like that since The Whale. 233 00:10:45,916 --> 00:10:48,374 (Abby) It was official, every person on earth 234 00:10:48,375 --> 00:10:50,458 was more sexually experienced than me. 235 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:53,000 I needed guidance. 236 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,333 And that's when I saw where to get it. 237 00:10:57,418 --> 00:10:59,290 ("I Got the Work" by Mega and Cat Gloss playing in club) 238 00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:01,540 ♪ Look at my tag, look at my bags... ♪ 239 00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,290 (Abby) I had no idea what was about to happen 240 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,625 or how it would change my whole world, 241 00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:09,165 but it did. 242 00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,874 ♪ I got the work, I got the work ♪ 243 00:11:10,875 --> 00:11:12,499 ♪ I got the work for days ♪ 244 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:13,790 ♪ I got the work... ♪ 245 00:11:13,791 --> 00:11:17,707 All right, boys, show some love to Rhinestone who works two jobs. 246 00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,125 She's runnin' on fumes. 247 00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:20,790 She's runnin' out of gas, 248 00:11:20,791 --> 00:11:23,208 - but still showin' ass. - (Patrons clapping) 249 00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,874 Guys, if you're a creep, you're gonna get bounced. 250 00:11:26,875 --> 00:11:28,207 A reminder. 251 00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:30,583 - (Hip-hop music playing) - (Patrons chattering) 252 00:11:33,791 --> 00:11:36,582 Ladies and gentlemen, comin' to the stage, 253 00:11:36,583 --> 00:11:38,374 a Diamond Doll's favorite. 254 00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:40,624 She is the muse of Syracuse. 255 00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,707 It's about to get erotica, 256 00:11:42,708 --> 00:11:46,040 give it up for Santa Monica. 257 00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:47,332 (Patrons cheering and whooping) 258 00:11:47,333 --> 00:11:50,250 ("Boys Wanna Be Her" by Peaches playing) 259 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,875 (Cheering continues) 260 00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:06,082 Santa Monica! I'm your number one fan! 261 00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:09,000 ("Boys Wanna Be Her" continues playing) 262 00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:16,458 (Cheering continues) 263 00:12:18,375 --> 00:12:20,249 ♪ You've got them all by the balls ♪ 264 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,249 ♪ Causin' waterfalls, stone walls, bar brawls ♪ 265 00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,207 ♪ Common stalls that cause 'em all ♪ 266 00:12:25,208 --> 00:12:27,124 ♪ To you, they crawl, body sprawl ♪ 267 00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,207 ♪ Smokin' Pall Malls, close call, stand tall ♪ 268 00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,958 ♪ Doll, you make 'em feel so small... ♪ 269 00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:36,290 (Abby) The first time you see someone that comfortable in their own skin, 270 00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,499 it's almost jarring. 271 00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:42,290 Every part of me felt alive, like I was on fire. 272 00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:43,749 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 273 00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:45,540 ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ 274 00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,165 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 275 00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,874 ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ 276 00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,082 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 277 00:12:51,083 --> 00:12:53,083 ♪ I wanna be her ♪ 278 00:12:53,708 --> 00:12:54,832 ♪ Yes, I do ♪ 279 00:13:01,125 --> 00:13:03,207 ♪ Listen up, listen up, listen up ♪ 280 00:13:03,208 --> 00:13:04,957 ♪ Voices scatter, listen up... ♪ 281 00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:06,332 (Abby) And there she was. 282 00:13:06,333 --> 00:13:08,832 The answer to all my problems. 283 00:13:08,833 --> 00:13:12,041 I found my sexual fairy godmother 284 00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:13,707 in a strip club. 285 00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:16,540 - ♪ Voices scatter ♪ - ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 286 00:13:16,541 --> 00:13:18,249 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 287 00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:19,582 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 288 00:13:19,583 --> 00:13:21,624 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 289 00:13:21,625 --> 00:13:22,957 - ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ - Whoo! 290 00:13:22,958 --> 00:13:25,082 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 291 00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,415 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 292 00:13:26,416 --> 00:13:28,082 - Yeah! - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ 293 00:13:28,083 --> 00:13:29,957 - ♪ Scatter ♪ - ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 294 00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:32,124 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 295 00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:33,540 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 296 00:13:33,541 --> 00:13:35,457 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 297 00:13:35,458 --> 00:13:36,665 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 298 00:13:36,666 --> 00:13:39,040 - ♪ The girls wanna be her ♪ - ♪ Scatter ♪ 299 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,500 ♪ The boys wanna be her ♪ 300 00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:42,874 ♪ Scatter ♪ 301 00:13:42,875 --> 00:13:44,541 (Patrons cheering) 302 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,166 ♪ Scatter ♪ 303 00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:50,333 - ♪ Scatter ♪ - Whoo! 304 00:13:52,083 --> 00:13:53,915 - ♪ Scatter ♪ - You 18? 305 00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:56,041 - (Crickets chirping) - (Muffled music thumping) 306 00:13:57,208 --> 00:13:59,833 Come on, I'm gonna be 18 in like 15 minutes. 307 00:14:00,416 --> 00:14:01,999 See you in 15. 308 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,582 (Abby groans) 309 00:14:03,583 --> 00:14:05,207 (Traffic rushing by) 310 00:14:05,208 --> 00:14:07,207 (Muffled music continues) 311 00:14:07,208 --> 00:14:08,875 (Crickets chirping) 312 00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:12,082 (Sports announcer on radio) There's two on, two out... 313 00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:14,499 - (Grease sizzling) - (Kitchen tools clanking) 314 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,040 (Radio) ...has two outs. 315 00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:17,832 Running the way he's going, where's the pitch... 316 00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,540 (Cook) What the fuck, mama? Don't eat the food. 317 00:14:19,541 --> 00:14:21,832 (DJ Don) Let's hear it for Santa Monica! 318 00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:23,833 (DJ Don continues speaking indistinctly) 319 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,040 What do you mean it could be? 320 00:14:26,041 --> 00:14:28,041 It's nail polish. 321 00:14:28,333 --> 00:14:30,124 But it could be lip gloss. 322 00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,291 Look. 323 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,624 - Oh, no, that's burning. That's burning. - (Destiny) Oh, my God. 324 00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:37,915 Just worked my off for 82 bucks and a stick of gum. 325 00:14:37,916 --> 00:14:39,540 Oh, babe, your phone's been vibrating all night. 326 00:14:39,541 --> 00:14:40,624 - Mm-hmm. - I almost sat on it. 327 00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,540 (Destiny) Yeah, it's been blowing up. Who is he? 328 00:14:42,541 --> 00:14:45,790 It's this lame-ass thread for my high school reunion. 329 00:14:45,791 --> 00:14:48,124 Ugh. Shut the fuck up, losers. 330 00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:49,999 Oh, my God, I hope you didn't text that. 331 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,749 (Angel) Oh, my God, wait, that's so fun. 332 00:14:51,750 --> 00:14:52,832 A high school reunion. 333 00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:54,499 What are you gonna wear? Who are you gonna do? 334 00:14:54,500 --> 00:14:56,457 - (Santa Monica) Yeah, I'm not going. - (Angel) What? 335 00:14:56,458 --> 00:14:59,082 Seriously, what do I have to show for myself in the last 10 years? 336 00:14:59,083 --> 00:15:01,540 Babe, so much gum. 337 00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:03,499 (Santa Monica) Oh, careful, that is so wet. 338 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,582 So warm. 339 00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:06,082 - You know... - It's like pre-chewed. 340 00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:07,707 ...I didn't go to my high school reunion, 341 00:15:07,708 --> 00:15:10,332 but it would've been weird if I did 'cause I didn't go to high school. 342 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,207 And yet you're the smartest woman I know. 343 00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:14,374 Oh, my God, you gotta go out there and meet other bitches. 344 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,790 - (Angel) You do. - You really do. 345 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:17,290 - (Light bulb sizzling) - Oh, goddamn it! 346 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:18,915 - (Angel laughing) - Seriously? No! 347 00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:21,707 (Destiny) I thought I had another week on that bulb. 348 00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:23,624 No you didn't, bitch. A bet's a bet, pay up. 349 00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:25,165 (Destiny) Do you know how hard I worked for this? 350 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:26,874 Slammed my pussy up and down. 351 00:15:26,875 --> 00:15:28,332 I said, "Bow, bow, bow, bow." 352 00:15:28,333 --> 00:15:29,665 And I got $40. 353 00:15:29,666 --> 00:15:31,707 - Whoa! - It was worth the vulva bruises. 354 00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:33,207 - Thanks, babe. - It's not bruised. 355 00:15:33,208 --> 00:15:34,708 - I'm tough. - Oh yeah. That's a good one. 356 00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:36,790 - Crispy! (Chuckles) - (Santa Monica sighs) 357 00:15:36,791 --> 00:15:39,874 God, you guys, this place is falling apart. 358 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,540 Seriously, it looks like we don't give a shit. 359 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,082 How long has that hole been there? 360 00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:44,165 Excuse me? 361 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:45,875 She has a name. 362 00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:49,207 Honestly, I'm surprised we didn't get shut down when that guy had a seizure. 363 00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,415 Ned? No, babe, Ned's fine. 364 00:15:51,416 --> 00:15:52,665 (Destiny) Yeah, he's fine. 365 00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:53,957 Yeah, on this stretcher he was like, 366 00:15:53,958 --> 00:15:55,665 "Best night of my life. Destiny!" 367 00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:58,415 Yeah, he spends his disability check on me every week. 368 00:15:58,416 --> 00:15:59,915 (Destiny) Ned's fine, he's absolutely fine. 369 00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,207 I gave a guy a seizure once. 370 00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:03,249 Oh, my God! Jesus Christ! 371 00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:04,833 Betty, you scared the shit out of us! 372 00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:07,207 That's how I got my name. 373 00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,207 You know, when I was your age I was Betty Wetty, 374 00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:12,665 because I made all the fellas soak their pants. 375 00:16:12,666 --> 00:16:15,874 - (Angel chuckles) - And then one day, I got hired to strip 376 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,249 for the infamous Tony Scarpuccio. 377 00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,165 (Gasps) The guy from The Sopranos? 378 00:16:20,166 --> 00:16:23,165 Better. He owns Little Tony's Meatballs downtown. 379 00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:24,332 Oh, that is better. 380 00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:26,999 Anyway, Tony was going to town on some spaghetti 381 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,582 when I was doin' my routine. 382 00:16:28,583 --> 00:16:30,457 And I went down to the ground 383 00:16:30,458 --> 00:16:33,415 and I split my underpants right down the middle. 384 00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:35,125 I mean, bean to tangerine. 385 00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:38,541 And right at that moment, he seized. 386 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,291 And ever since then I've been Betty Spaghetti. 387 00:16:44,166 --> 00:16:45,499 How is this the first time 388 00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:46,874 - we're hearing this story? - Yeah? 389 00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,374 Oh, shit. I should have started with this first. 390 00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:50,624 It's why I came in here. 391 00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:54,540 Okay, well, I'm deeply, deeply, deeply in debt 392 00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:55,790 and we're losin' the club. 393 00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:58,207 - (All) What? - (Betty Spaghetti) I'm sorry, tootsies. 394 00:16:58,208 --> 00:17:00,040 I'm one of the best strippers in the world, 395 00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:01,291 but I am terrible at math. 396 00:17:02,333 --> 00:17:03,832 Did you know that businesses 397 00:17:03,833 --> 00:17:06,457 are supposed to file their taxes every year? 398 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:07,790 - Yes. - Yes. 399 00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,457 Yeah. 400 00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,750 Well, fuck me. 401 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,499 Oh, my God, we can't lose the club! 402 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,915 I tried takin' out a loan, but unless I pay it by next weekend... 403 00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:19,125 (Angel) Wait, what? 404 00:17:19,708 --> 00:17:21,000 What'll happen? 405 00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:23,040 She'll lose the club. 406 00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:24,540 She'll lose the club? 407 00:17:24,541 --> 00:17:25,874 Are you even listening? 408 00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:28,124 (Scoffs) Right? 409 00:17:28,125 --> 00:17:30,624 Anyhoo, I just wanted to tell you guys 410 00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:33,915 so you could start lookin' for a place to shake what the Lord gave ya. 411 00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:36,875 And... and I give you my blessing. 412 00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,750 What? No, no, we can't just give up. 413 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,957 Destiny, when your job didn't give you health insurance, who did? 414 00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:46,665 - Diamond Dolls. - Angel. 415 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,458 When your stepdad kicked you out, where did you go? 416 00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:49,915 Diamond Dolls. 417 00:17:49,916 --> 00:17:51,915 Where do we spend every Thanksgiving? 418 00:17:51,916 --> 00:17:53,624 Diamond-goddamn-Dolls. 419 00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,291 Guys, this is our Cheers. 420 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,458 Where everybody knows your nips. 421 00:17:58,583 --> 00:17:59,625 How much? 422 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:01,999 Me? 423 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:03,915 My ears are for shit, you gotta talk louder. 424 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,790 How much is the loan, Betty? 425 00:18:05,791 --> 00:18:08,125 - Oh, twenty grand. - Twenty grand? Fuck. 426 00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:09,958 One week? 427 00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:12,666 We c-- we can do that, right? 428 00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:15,790 Uh, we could try OnlyFans. 429 00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:17,415 No, I'm banned, dammit. 430 00:18:17,416 --> 00:18:19,249 I'm banned from Facebook. 431 00:18:19,250 --> 00:18:20,958 I don't even wanna ask about that. 432 00:18:21,708 --> 00:18:22,707 It was bad. 433 00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:27,124 Look, book me on any house calls and I'll work overtime. 434 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,124 I mean, there's gotta be a way to bring in the money, right? 435 00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:32,291 (DJ Don) Please welcome the dish you cannot resist, 436 00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:33,749 Betty Spaghetti. 437 00:18:33,750 --> 00:18:35,666 Well, we need a miracle. 438 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,583 But luckily, I'm surrounded by angels. 439 00:18:39,708 --> 00:18:41,000 (Music thumping in distance) 440 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,249 - (Door opens) - (Patrons cheering) 441 00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,666 I mean, there's gotta be some rich freak who will pay for my time, right? 442 00:18:48,958 --> 00:18:50,540 Who will be the lucky guy? 443 00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,957 (Cheering continues) 444 00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:54,040 - (Video game character) Horse guts! - (Horse neighing, grunts) 445 00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,208 (Abby) All right, let me take some comments here. 446 00:18:56,458 --> 00:19:00,915 Uh, Brainsbrainsbrains says, "Hi, Abby-Cadaver, huge fan." 447 00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:02,374 Thank you. 448 00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:05,790 "Heard there was a secret room in Wyatt's Saloon?" 449 00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:09,874 - (Spooky music plays on game) - Yes. If you go up the staircase, 450 00:19:09,875 --> 00:19:12,207 locate the pregnant saloon girl zombie... 451 00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:13,957 There she is. 452 00:19:13,958 --> 00:19:15,249 ...rip out her fetus. 453 00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:17,457 - (Character growls) - (Indistinct chatter on game) 454 00:19:17,458 --> 00:19:20,374 ...lasso the umbilical cord around the chandelier, 455 00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:22,957 swing, and you're in. 456 00:19:22,958 --> 00:19:24,916 (Cash register dinging) 457 00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:28,082 (Chuckles) Okay, I'm signing off for now. 458 00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,040 Thank you so much for subscribing. 459 00:19:30,041 --> 00:19:31,707 I'm so grateful for the tips. 460 00:19:31,708 --> 00:19:34,833 So, until tomorrow, good-die. 461 00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:36,583 (Key clacks) 462 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:39,500 Whew. 463 00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:42,874 (Key clacks) 464 00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,000 - Honey, we're about to leave. - (Knock on door) 465 00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:48,249 Are you sure you don't wanna spend your birthday with us? 466 00:19:48,250 --> 00:19:50,082 Moving my grandma into a home? 467 00:19:50,083 --> 00:19:52,832 - Pass. - Okay, okay. 468 00:19:52,833 --> 00:19:55,332 Well, happy early birthday. 469 00:19:55,333 --> 00:20:00,207 - ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - Oh, awesome! Thanks. 470 00:20:00,208 --> 00:20:02,957 Now this doesn't mean you should spend your whole birthday on Glitch. 471 00:20:02,958 --> 00:20:04,166 There's some more at the bottom. 472 00:20:05,083 --> 00:20:06,083 Huh. 473 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,415 - (Chuckles) Yeah. - I know it's not a car, 474 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,332 but we're very proud of you for working so hard 475 00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,665 to save up for one on your own. 476 00:20:11,666 --> 00:20:12,749 Thanks, Dad. 477 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,750 Until then, Mom's Volvo has a full tank. 478 00:20:15,041 --> 00:20:16,832 No, I should just take your car. 479 00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:18,499 Absolutely not. 480 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:21,582 Oh, and Abby, don't be mad, but I asked the Cruz's daughter Lily Rose 481 00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:22,874 to stop by at some point. 482 00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:25,207 She's been helping me in my CPR class. 483 00:20:25,208 --> 00:20:27,499 Just try. Maybe you'll make a friend. 484 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,624 - Lyft's leaving, hon. - (Margaret) We'll miss you. 485 00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:30,707 Have fun. 486 00:20:30,708 --> 00:20:32,874 You're still young, throw a party. 487 00:20:32,875 --> 00:20:34,749 But don't forget to put away Lola's china. 488 00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:36,165 She's had that since the war. 489 00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:37,832 (Ron Flores) Margaret, she's not throwing a party. 490 00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:39,749 Be nice to Lily Rose. 491 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,124 Love you. 492 00:20:41,125 --> 00:20:42,208 Ingat. 493 00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,249 Now, be careful, do not answer this door. 494 00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,290 - Whatever-- Stranger danger. - Okay, okay. Bye, kiddo. 495 00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:48,333 (Margaret) Oh, I'm gonna cry in the Lyft. 496 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:51,499 (Sighs deeply) 497 00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:54,916 Operation 69 Max, commence. 498 00:20:55,333 --> 00:20:57,332 (Line ringing) 499 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,332 - (Telephone rings) - (Coughs) 500 00:21:01,333 --> 00:21:03,624 (Coughing, wheezing over phone) 501 00:21:03,625 --> 00:21:07,207 Diamond Dolls, where the girls are... 502 00:21:07,208 --> 00:21:08,582 I dunno. I can't remember. 503 00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:11,250 (In deep voice) Hello. I am a guy. 504 00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:13,374 Obviously. 505 00:21:13,375 --> 00:21:15,832 (Over phone) Looking for a dancer named Santa Monica 506 00:21:15,833 --> 00:21:19,207 to come to my home this evening 507 00:21:19,208 --> 00:21:21,624 for a respectful dance. 508 00:21:21,625 --> 00:21:23,707 - (Quietly) Jesus. - (Abby) Is eight o'clock sharp okay? 509 00:21:23,708 --> 00:21:25,666 (Loud rustling over phone) 510 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,457 Okay, so it's cash only, 511 00:21:27,458 --> 00:21:29,707 and it's a hundred an hour, three hours minimum. 512 00:21:29,708 --> 00:21:33,000 That's about five hundred, I think. 513 00:21:33,666 --> 00:21:34,915 And you better tip 'em. 514 00:21:34,916 --> 00:21:36,165 Not an issue. 515 00:21:36,166 --> 00:21:39,249 I, uh... work in bonds. 516 00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:41,457 And I sell Jet Skis. 517 00:21:41,458 --> 00:21:43,499 Oh, fancy, okay. 518 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:45,458 What's your address, big shot? 519 00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:46,832 (Quietly) Yes! 520 00:21:46,833 --> 00:21:48,165 (Over phone) Write this down, babe. 521 00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:49,290 - 402... - Yeah. 522 00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,624 ...Berry Avenue. 523 00:21:50,625 --> 00:21:51,999 That's A-V-- 524 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,750 Yeah, I know how to spell "avenue." 525 00:21:54,708 --> 00:21:56,957 Alexi, play "sexy-time" songs. 526 00:21:56,958 --> 00:22:00,040 - (Alexi) Now playing Taxi theme song. - ("Taxi" theme song playing) 527 00:22:00,041 --> 00:22:01,915 No, Alexi, play... 528 00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,500 (Keypad beeping) 529 00:22:34,166 --> 00:22:36,583 ("Taxi" theme continues playing) 530 00:22:38,750 --> 00:22:40,750 (Crickets chirping) 531 00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:49,916 (Fire crackling sound) 532 00:22:58,500 --> 00:23:00,083 (Knock on door) 533 00:23:01,875 --> 00:23:03,666 (Sing-songy) ♪ Hello? ♪ 534 00:23:05,458 --> 00:23:07,499 Is anybody home? 535 00:23:07,500 --> 00:23:09,874 (Music continues softly playing) 536 00:23:09,875 --> 00:23:11,541 And horny? 537 00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,791 (Sing-songy) ♪ Yoo-hoo ♪ 538 00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:17,291 Is anybody home? 539 00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:21,457 Ooh. Well, well, well, 540 00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:24,499 What do we have here? 541 00:23:24,500 --> 00:23:27,291 Ooh, a little shy guy. 542 00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:29,791 Naughty, naughty. 543 00:23:31,625 --> 00:23:34,207 Would it have killed you to meet me at the door? 544 00:23:34,208 --> 00:23:35,333 (Gasps) 545 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,124 (Screams) Oh, my God! 546 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,207 Oh, my God! 547 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:39,374 Oh, my God, he's dead. 548 00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:41,040 - Truffle almond? - (Screaming) 549 00:23:41,041 --> 00:23:42,749 - (Spraying) - (Screaming) 550 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,833 (Water running) 551 00:23:46,375 --> 00:23:48,791 (Winces) 552 00:23:50,041 --> 00:23:51,041 Talk. 553 00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:54,374 Oh, um, th-- there's this guy Max 554 00:23:54,375 --> 00:23:56,082 and he's always been with this girl Mercedes-- 555 00:23:56,083 --> 00:23:57,165 Shorter version. 556 00:23:57,166 --> 00:24:00,082 I love Max. He's finally single. 557 00:24:00,083 --> 00:24:01,665 Okay, where am I in the story? 558 00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:03,915 Why am I in a basic-ass kitchen? 559 00:24:03,916 --> 00:24:06,708 I want to pay you to teach me how to 69 Max. 560 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,957 Okay, slightly more details? 561 00:24:09,958 --> 00:24:12,207 Last night I saw you at Diamond Dolls 562 00:24:12,208 --> 00:24:14,500 and you were dancing and you lit up the room. 563 00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:16,790 Okay, go on. 564 00:24:16,791 --> 00:24:18,040 I've never seen anything like it. 565 00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:21,083 You literally owned every guy in there. 566 00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:24,583 Uh, I've never even remotely had what you have. 567 00:24:26,083 --> 00:24:27,790 Well, this I buy. (Sniffing) 568 00:24:27,791 --> 00:24:30,332 (Abby) So, I figured 569 00:24:30,333 --> 00:24:32,750 if I could get you to be my coach, teach me things, 570 00:24:33,458 --> 00:24:35,583 then I'd get what I have always wanted. 571 00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:37,916 Max. 572 00:24:38,791 --> 00:24:41,290 Okay. Um, I'll coach you right now. 573 00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,999 That speech was boring, weird, and also boring. 574 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:46,540 You don't have enough money to pay me to listen to more of them. 575 00:24:46,541 --> 00:24:50,082 So, I will take my payment, plus tip, 576 00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:52,874 and if you're selling any of those, like, chocolate bars 577 00:24:52,875 --> 00:24:54,666 for your high school, I'll take one of those. 578 00:24:55,166 --> 00:24:56,582 (Abby) I'm not selling chocolate bars. 579 00:24:56,583 --> 00:24:58,750 Aren't you little shits always selling chocolate bars? 580 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:01,165 It's a common misconception. 581 00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,999 - Ugh. - I'm-- I'm telling you I need your help. 582 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,874 (Santa Monica) Don't you have, like, a sister or a girlfriend or something? 583 00:25:06,875 --> 00:25:10,165 Ask her. Not some hot stripper you catfished. 584 00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:11,875 No, I don't have someone. I... 585 00:25:12,666 --> 00:25:13,999 One week, that's all I need. 586 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,082 I can pay you. 587 00:25:15,083 --> 00:25:17,915 In What? Pez dispensers? I'm good. 588 00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,749 I mean, I have $5,000 right here. 589 00:25:20,750 --> 00:25:22,332 I'm telling you I'm rich. 590 00:25:31,375 --> 00:25:32,750 Holy shit, you are. 591 00:25:33,791 --> 00:25:36,415 What, do you have like a lemonade stand chain? 592 00:25:36,416 --> 00:25:39,040 People pay to watch me play games on Glitch. 593 00:25:39,041 --> 00:25:40,624 I'm like really good at it. 594 00:25:40,625 --> 00:25:42,999 Oh, cool. Where the fuck are your parents? 595 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:44,500 Out of town for the week. 596 00:25:45,375 --> 00:25:46,457 (Sighs) 597 00:25:46,458 --> 00:25:48,833 Come on, name your price. 598 00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:50,624 I'm telling you, I'm rich. 599 00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:52,290 Twenty thousand dollars. 600 00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:54,582 (Chuckles awkwardly) What? 601 00:25:54,583 --> 00:25:56,332 I'll do it for 20,000. 602 00:25:56,333 --> 00:25:57,582 A week with me 603 00:25:57,583 --> 00:25:59,499 and I'll teach you everything you need to know 604 00:25:59,500 --> 00:26:02,540 to pull off a facade of confidence. 605 00:26:02,541 --> 00:26:04,124 I'd rather it not be a facade. 606 00:26:04,125 --> 00:26:07,207 Five thousand dollars is the deposit and the rest by Saturday 607 00:26:07,208 --> 00:26:10,624 and you've got yourself a little sex coach. 608 00:26:10,625 --> 00:26:13,374 Can you please stop thrusting your crotch? 609 00:26:13,375 --> 00:26:15,500 What, you don't like a little sex coach? 610 00:26:16,083 --> 00:26:17,415 (Abby) I had to think fast. 611 00:26:17,416 --> 00:26:22,166 Spend every dime I had getting with Max or get my dream car. Uh... 612 00:26:27,041 --> 00:26:28,332 Ah, fuck it. 613 00:26:28,333 --> 00:26:29,458 Let's do it. 614 00:26:31,666 --> 00:26:33,249 Oh, I thought I said that out loud. 615 00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:34,874 Let's do it. 616 00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:37,708 - (Electronic music playing) - (Patrons whooping and chattering) 617 00:26:44,333 --> 00:26:45,458 (Bald man) Santa Monica. 618 00:26:46,250 --> 00:26:48,707 Treat your number one fan to a lap dance, will you? 619 00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:51,540 Oh, how'd you know I charge 10 bucks for an ass pinch, perv? 620 00:26:52,875 --> 00:26:53,957 (Destiny) Santi? 621 00:26:53,958 --> 00:26:56,040 - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. - Baby, wait. What are you doing? 622 00:26:56,041 --> 00:26:58,416 Uh-uh-uh-uh. What are you doing here? You don't work today. 623 00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:01,040 - Oh, shit going down. - (Angel) Uh-huh. 624 00:27:01,041 --> 00:27:02,207 - Shit-- Go, go, go. - We're coming. 625 00:27:02,208 --> 00:27:03,291 - On the way. - But not too fast. 626 00:27:07,458 --> 00:27:08,457 What's that, Santi? 627 00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:11,291 Five thousand dollars plus a sweaty 10. 628 00:27:11,875 --> 00:27:14,749 I think I can make you enough money to save the club in time. 629 00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:16,499 If I got you the 20 grand, 630 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:19,290 would you consider letting me co-own Diamond Dolls? 631 00:27:19,291 --> 00:27:22,250 - (Muffled music playing) - (Patrons chattering) 632 00:27:24,208 --> 00:27:27,332 Baby... I can't keep running this show. 633 00:27:27,333 --> 00:27:28,583 You can have the whole thing. 634 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:30,749 As long as I can still hang around 635 00:27:30,750 --> 00:27:34,291 and shake my bra biscuits for another 60 years. 636 00:27:35,041 --> 00:27:36,957 Wait, you wanna be a stripper at 110? 637 00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:38,791 I told ya I'm not good with math. 638 00:27:40,458 --> 00:27:41,499 We got a deal? 639 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:42,791 It's a deal. 640 00:27:44,458 --> 00:27:46,207 Now quit smoking in my office. 641 00:27:46,208 --> 00:27:48,083 Ha-ha! Thattagirl. 642 00:27:48,916 --> 00:27:51,124 - (All screaming) - (Feet stomping) 643 00:27:51,125 --> 00:27:53,083 (Abby snoring) 644 00:28:00,125 --> 00:28:02,791 (Car horn honking) 645 00:28:03,375 --> 00:28:04,458 (Softly) What? 646 00:28:04,833 --> 00:28:06,500 (Honking continues) 647 00:28:06,958 --> 00:28:08,665 (Loud honking) 648 00:28:13,250 --> 00:28:14,832 Do you wanna come in? Or... 649 00:28:14,833 --> 00:28:16,749 (Horn blares) 650 00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:17,833 Okay. 651 00:28:19,875 --> 00:28:21,125 (Slurping) 652 00:28:21,916 --> 00:28:23,207 (Bird cawing) 653 00:28:23,208 --> 00:28:25,165 - Cool car. - It's a piece of shit. 654 00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,375 Totally. 655 00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,165 How'd you sleep? 656 00:28:29,166 --> 00:28:30,832 All right, rule number one, 657 00:28:30,833 --> 00:28:31,999 no small talk. 658 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,832 You say something interesting or nothing at all. 659 00:28:34,833 --> 00:28:37,041 - (Bird cawing) - (Slurping) 660 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:40,833 Did you know worms are the only animals that 69? 661 00:28:41,916 --> 00:28:44,457 What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? 662 00:28:44,458 --> 00:28:46,790 All right, rule number two, we stick to the lessons. 663 00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,207 Everything we discuss will be a lesson. 664 00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,457 There's no, like, "hanging out" 665 00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:53,082 because you've hired me to teach you. 666 00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:54,790 And teachers don't hang out with their students 667 00:28:54,791 --> 00:28:57,207 unless they're fucking, which we're not. (Slurping) 668 00:28:57,208 --> 00:28:59,165 I'm sorry, I didn't know what time we were starting today. 669 00:28:59,166 --> 00:29:01,041 I forgot to brush my teeth. 670 00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,082 (Santa Monica) Rule number three, 671 00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:06,833 I get my payment of $20,000 by Saturday. 672 00:29:08,166 --> 00:29:09,290 Happy to be in business with you. 673 00:29:09,291 --> 00:29:10,833 Oh, my God, that breath isn't. 674 00:29:11,333 --> 00:29:14,291 - Did you like eat a poo for dinner? - (Abby) No. 675 00:29:14,708 --> 00:29:17,541 All right, lesson one, get out. 676 00:29:21,291 --> 00:29:24,125 Hey, you're going for a walk. 677 00:29:25,416 --> 00:29:28,500 (Funky upbeat music playing) 678 00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:33,875 I don't hear you. 679 00:29:34,708 --> 00:29:36,457 How is this supposed to help me get with Max? 680 00:29:36,458 --> 00:29:37,625 We're building your confidence. 681 00:29:38,625 --> 00:29:41,124 - Ahh! - Jesus. Are your ankles drunk? 682 00:29:41,125 --> 00:29:44,499 Did you have a piña colada while you ate shit for dinner? 683 00:29:44,500 --> 00:29:46,165 Come on. I have never worn heels before. 684 00:29:46,166 --> 00:29:48,165 All right, now come on! Let's hear it. 685 00:29:48,166 --> 00:29:50,208 Are you saying it? 'Cause I can't hear you. 686 00:29:51,708 --> 00:29:53,458 I am a s-sex machine. 687 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:56,124 What, you think you're a sex machine? 688 00:29:56,125 --> 00:29:57,500 (Scoffs) I don't think so. 689 00:29:58,958 --> 00:30:01,040 I am a-- a sex machine. 690 00:30:01,041 --> 00:30:03,333 No, let's hear it. Who are you? 691 00:30:03,916 --> 00:30:05,540 I am a sex machine. 692 00:30:05,541 --> 00:30:07,416 Don't tell me, tell Max. 693 00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:10,875 (Breathes deeply) 694 00:30:11,625 --> 00:30:13,624 (Shouting) I am a sex machine! 695 00:30:13,625 --> 00:30:15,624 Yes, bitch, there she is! 696 00:30:15,625 --> 00:30:16,707 There she is. 697 00:30:16,708 --> 00:30:18,375 Now Tell Max what you do. 698 00:30:18,833 --> 00:30:22,958 I am a machine that gives you sex. 699 00:30:23,666 --> 00:30:24,999 (Santa Monica) Okay, what else? 700 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,707 Uh, I was made in a horny lab 701 00:30:28,708 --> 00:30:31,790 by dirty scientists. 702 00:30:31,791 --> 00:30:35,499 They all got so turned on they started kissing each other. 703 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,415 And you made it weird. 704 00:30:37,416 --> 00:30:38,624 Coffee break. 705 00:30:38,625 --> 00:30:40,666 - (Tires screeching) - Oh, there's a really great spot... 706 00:30:42,583 --> 00:30:44,582 All right, lesson two. 707 00:30:44,583 --> 00:30:46,124 We're gonna assess your knowledge. 708 00:30:46,125 --> 00:30:48,499 So, let's start with what you know. 709 00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:52,499 Okay, well, I know about hand jobs and blow jobs. 710 00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:55,207 I've heard of rim jobs. 711 00:30:55,208 --> 00:30:57,832 I'm-- I think I can guess what those are though. 712 00:30:57,833 --> 00:30:59,165 Oh, cool. 713 00:30:59,166 --> 00:31:01,790 I'm dying to know what you think a rim job is. 714 00:31:01,791 --> 00:31:05,165 Is it when a guy puts his hands on the rim of your boobs 715 00:31:05,166 --> 00:31:07,290 and goes "e-ooh-e-ooh"? 716 00:31:07,291 --> 00:31:08,665 So we're starting at zero. 717 00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:09,958 Correct. 718 00:31:10,208 --> 00:31:12,375 I mean, have you ever watched porn? 719 00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:14,541 ...ography? 720 00:31:15,041 --> 00:31:16,832 All right, that's a no. 721 00:31:16,833 --> 00:31:18,749 What about a sexy movie? 722 00:31:18,750 --> 00:31:21,707 (Abby) Oh, yeah, I've seen like a ton of romantic movies, 723 00:31:21,708 --> 00:31:24,082 but they always cut away before they get to the 69. 724 00:31:24,083 --> 00:31:25,290 Okay. 725 00:31:25,291 --> 00:31:27,332 Although, I do know what a... 726 00:31:27,333 --> 00:31:28,790 (Whispering) uh, penis 727 00:31:28,791 --> 00:31:29,874 (Normal) feels like. 728 00:31:29,875 --> 00:31:31,083 (Softly) Penis? 729 00:31:31,750 --> 00:31:33,249 (Softly) Penis. 730 00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:34,624 Why are you afraid to say penis? 731 00:31:34,625 --> 00:31:36,166 No one is home. 732 00:31:36,958 --> 00:31:38,624 - Okay. - Penis. 733 00:31:38,625 --> 00:31:39,833 Penis. 734 00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:41,957 (Both chuckle) 735 00:31:41,958 --> 00:31:43,874 How have you felt a penis? 736 00:31:43,875 --> 00:31:45,582 Someone told me that if you put your finger 737 00:31:45,583 --> 00:31:48,500 on your eyelid, it feels like a penis. 738 00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,624 Yeah, like, go like this and then you... 739 00:31:52,625 --> 00:31:54,082 Huh. 740 00:31:54,083 --> 00:31:55,291 Wait, it does actually. 741 00:31:55,958 --> 00:31:57,165 - Not no. - Right? 742 00:31:57,166 --> 00:31:58,250 (Santa Monica) Yeah. 743 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,375 Okay, one point for Griffindork. 744 00:32:01,958 --> 00:32:03,499 Okay, you don't have to jerk it off. 745 00:32:03,500 --> 00:32:04,625 Oh, sorry. 746 00:32:05,958 --> 00:32:08,124 So, you're doing all this for some guy? 747 00:32:08,125 --> 00:32:11,499 Not that I'm complaining, but, like, why this guy? 748 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:14,583 - What do you mean? - Like, why is he the one? 749 00:32:15,333 --> 00:32:16,874 I mean, a million reasons. 750 00:32:16,875 --> 00:32:19,249 Um, he's Max Warren. 751 00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,874 He's super hot and he, like, he plays soccer. 752 00:32:22,875 --> 00:32:25,000 Oh, and he has such great hair. 753 00:32:25,958 --> 00:32:28,457 You're spending $20,000 to get with a guy 754 00:32:28,458 --> 00:32:30,250 because his hair is good? 755 00:32:31,041 --> 00:32:32,666 Did you have a crush when you were my age? 756 00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:35,332 Jean-Paul Giordano. 757 00:32:35,333 --> 00:32:37,375 Hmm. What did you know about him? 758 00:32:37,916 --> 00:32:39,582 He was obsessed with Disney World 759 00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,499 and his brother drowned in a pool. 760 00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:42,582 (Abby) Jesus. 761 00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:43,874 (Santa Monica) All right, homework. 762 00:32:43,875 --> 00:32:46,333 Deep dive Max's Instagram. Find out more about him. 763 00:32:47,458 --> 00:32:48,875 - (Car engine starts) - Okay. 764 00:32:49,833 --> 00:32:51,082 (Abby) Thanks for the day. 765 00:32:51,083 --> 00:32:52,957 - When am I gonna see you again? - (Tires screeching) 766 00:32:52,958 --> 00:32:54,083 She's gone. 767 00:32:59,625 --> 00:33:00,625 (Sighs) 768 00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:07,500 I am a sex machine. 769 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,000 Eh... 770 00:33:10,250 --> 00:33:11,458 (Cell phone chimes) 771 00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:30,750 (Screenshot clicks) 772 00:33:42,583 --> 00:33:43,749 Hey, y'all, I just wanted to thank 773 00:33:43,750 --> 00:33:46,665 the Syracuse Police Department for finding my Uncle Frank. 774 00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:49,875 They say cold cases stay cold, but not in New York, right, Mom? 775 00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:52,500 Bye, y'all. 776 00:33:57,750 --> 00:33:58,750 (Sighs) 777 00:34:05,583 --> 00:34:06,666 Oh. 778 00:34:10,083 --> 00:34:11,125 (Scoffs) 779 00:34:11,750 --> 00:34:12,916 Come on. 780 00:34:14,958 --> 00:34:16,875 Just-- (Sighs) Forget it. 781 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:19,708 I'll just think about it. 782 00:34:20,211 --> 00:34:22,000 (Upbeat music playing) 783 00:34:22,958 --> 00:34:24,166 - Hey. - Hey. 784 00:34:25,041 --> 00:34:26,915 (People chattering) 785 00:34:26,916 --> 00:34:29,208 (Rick Richards) Listen. Betty, you'd be making a huge mistake. 786 00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,374 Diamond Dolls is gonna go under. 787 00:34:31,375 --> 00:34:34,416 Now, look, if-- if you give the club to me, 788 00:34:35,041 --> 00:34:37,041 your legacy, it gets to go on. 789 00:34:37,500 --> 00:34:39,374 I just don't know why you're not saying yes. 790 00:34:39,375 --> 00:34:40,582 Are you on your period? 791 00:34:40,583 --> 00:34:44,457 - What the hell? - Hola. Rick Richards. 792 00:34:44,458 --> 00:34:47,332 Yeah, a name so nice, your folks named you Dickhead twice. 793 00:34:47,333 --> 00:34:48,749 (Laughing) 794 00:34:48,750 --> 00:34:50,124 Well, two Dicks are better than one. 795 00:34:50,125 --> 00:34:51,540 I'm sure you'd agree. 796 00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:52,791 Uh, wait a second. 797 00:34:53,583 --> 00:34:54,583 Santa Monica, right? 798 00:34:55,541 --> 00:34:57,790 Oh, my God. I almost didn't recognize you. 799 00:34:57,791 --> 00:35:00,290 It has been years since you auditioned for me. 800 00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,833 You've... really aged. 801 00:35:03,375 --> 00:35:04,665 Yeah, I remember you. 802 00:35:04,666 --> 00:35:07,624 I was 18 and you asked me to audition without my underpants. 803 00:35:07,625 --> 00:35:11,083 Well, only a sucker buys a used car without looking under the hood. 804 00:35:11,791 --> 00:35:13,665 And by used car, I mean stripper, 805 00:35:13,666 --> 00:35:17,124 and looking under the hood, I mean looking at your vagina. 806 00:35:17,125 --> 00:35:18,749 - (Santa Monica) Yeah, I-- we got it. - (Rick) Okay. 807 00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:20,165 - Just for clarity. - (Santa Monica) Mm-hmm. 808 00:35:20,166 --> 00:35:21,833 I like to check the slits. 809 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:25,540 Okay, what is this shit-slime doing here? 810 00:35:25,541 --> 00:35:28,791 Well, The Old Spaghetti Factory over here owes me some dinero. 811 00:35:31,208 --> 00:35:33,665 What? Betty! I thought you owed the bank. 812 00:35:33,666 --> 00:35:36,165 Sorry, doll. They couldn't help me, okay? 813 00:35:36,166 --> 00:35:38,249 (Rick) Yeah, it's a shame. 814 00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,207 And if she can't pay, I'll be your new boss. 815 00:35:40,208 --> 00:35:41,957 Although we might have to lose some of the uglies. 816 00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:43,832 You know which ones I'm talking about. 817 00:35:43,833 --> 00:35:45,250 But don't worry, I'm a great boss. 818 00:35:45,791 --> 00:35:47,332 I have a very hands-on approach. 819 00:35:47,333 --> 00:35:49,790 So if anyone's taking over this establishment, 820 00:35:49,791 --> 00:35:51,749 it should be someone who knows how to run a club. 821 00:35:51,750 --> 00:35:52,832 Wouldn't you agree? 822 00:35:52,833 --> 00:35:54,624 Someone who knows how to work the girls. 823 00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:58,250 Someone with a college education, comprende? 824 00:35:58,875 --> 00:35:59,957 What's with the Spanish? 825 00:35:59,958 --> 00:36:01,915 Trying to learn a new language every week. 826 00:36:01,916 --> 00:36:04,041 My little girl got me Duolingo for my birthday. 827 00:36:04,708 --> 00:36:05,958 You have a daughter? 828 00:36:06,666 --> 00:36:08,749 No, I'm talking about my bitch. 829 00:36:08,750 --> 00:36:10,790 Listen, I'm taking over the club 830 00:36:10,791 --> 00:36:13,082 so you can hasta la vista, baby. 831 00:36:13,083 --> 00:36:14,499 I'll have your money next week. 832 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,874 I don't know what you said. 833 00:36:15,875 --> 00:36:18,582 I haven't gotten that far in the course, but I will tell you this. 834 00:36:18,583 --> 00:36:19,832 If you don't have the money, 835 00:36:19,833 --> 00:36:22,540 if, uh, Santa Monica should be washed away 836 00:36:22,541 --> 00:36:25,750 by a tidal wave of El Niño. 837 00:36:26,208 --> 00:36:28,665 Then you have my card, Betty. 838 00:36:28,666 --> 00:36:31,374 And I'll be back next weekend to collect the keys. 839 00:36:31,375 --> 00:36:33,041 Talk then, Spaghettio. 840 00:36:34,166 --> 00:36:36,416 Oh, and, uh... 841 00:36:38,041 --> 00:36:40,749 when I do take over, I am gonna need to see you audition again, 842 00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:43,500 but no costume this time. 843 00:36:44,166 --> 00:36:45,500 Capiche? 844 00:36:46,625 --> 00:36:47,707 That's Italian. 845 00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:48,790 Nah-uh. 846 00:36:48,791 --> 00:36:50,333 (Santa Monica) Yeah-huh, look it up. 847 00:36:52,458 --> 00:36:53,458 Whatever. 848 00:36:54,333 --> 00:36:56,332 Duolingo has over 40 language courses. 849 00:36:56,333 --> 00:36:57,790 Duolin-go fuck yourself. 850 00:36:57,791 --> 00:36:59,457 Oh, nice mouth on this one, Betty. 851 00:36:59,458 --> 00:37:01,374 What the hell, Betty?! 852 00:37:01,375 --> 00:37:02,540 Rick Richards? 853 00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:04,249 He can't take over Diamond Dolls, he can't! 854 00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:05,540 I don't want him to, honey. 855 00:37:05,541 --> 00:37:07,874 But if you can't raise that money by next weekend, 856 00:37:07,875 --> 00:37:09,000 we are fucked. 857 00:37:09,541 --> 00:37:10,625 I'll get you the money. 858 00:37:12,916 --> 00:37:15,332 - (School bell ringing) - (Students chattering) 859 00:37:15,333 --> 00:37:18,707 ("Good Enough for Me" by Bea Parks, Jake Lake, and Oli Charles playing) 860 00:37:18,708 --> 00:37:21,165 ♪ I'm in rainbows ♪ 861 00:37:21,166 --> 00:37:23,250 ♪ Ridin' my scout ♪ 862 00:37:23,916 --> 00:37:25,375 ♪ Behind my leather ♪ 863 00:37:26,541 --> 00:37:28,541 ♪ And hammer down... ♪ 864 00:37:29,333 --> 00:37:30,458 Oh, shit. 865 00:37:31,041 --> 00:37:33,624 Oh. Abby dear. Yoo-hoo! 866 00:37:33,625 --> 00:37:35,957 Mommy's here to pick you up. 867 00:37:35,958 --> 00:37:39,582 ♪ You'll find us all downtown ♪ 868 00:37:39,583 --> 00:37:42,791 (Students murmuring) 869 00:37:45,583 --> 00:37:47,582 - Come on. - What are you doing here? 870 00:37:47,583 --> 00:37:49,957 We gotta get moving on the plan. Come on. 871 00:37:49,958 --> 00:37:51,415 No time to waste. 872 00:37:51,416 --> 00:37:53,083 Get in the car. Here we go. 873 00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,540 ♪ Good enough for me ♪ 874 00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:58,208 Mm. I love a man in uniform. 875 00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:02,041 (Students) Oh! 876 00:38:02,291 --> 00:38:04,291 (Students giggling) 877 00:38:05,458 --> 00:38:08,915 Uh, why couldn't this wait until after I got home? 878 00:38:08,916 --> 00:38:11,207 Oh, God. 879 00:38:11,208 --> 00:38:13,541 Principal Morris is staring at me like I just joined a sex cult. 880 00:38:15,291 --> 00:38:16,999 Oh, my God, ew. 881 00:38:17,000 --> 00:38:19,457 I can't believe he still works here. (Laughs) 882 00:38:19,458 --> 00:38:21,582 Wait, when I was a senior, 883 00:38:21,583 --> 00:38:23,582 he used to do this like disgusting eye trick 884 00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:26,165 where he'd use one eye to look at your chest. 885 00:38:26,166 --> 00:38:28,958 (Laughing) So gross. I tried to get the perv fired. 886 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:31,791 You know he has a glass eye, right? 887 00:38:33,291 --> 00:38:34,375 Uh-huh. 888 00:38:34,875 --> 00:38:35,875 Totally. 889 00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,416 Sad. 890 00:38:38,583 --> 00:38:39,832 - Oh, shit, duck! - (Heads thud) 891 00:38:39,833 --> 00:38:41,665 - (Groans) - Ow! Oh, my God. 892 00:38:41,666 --> 00:38:43,999 Dude, I just got filler. 893 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,082 (Abby) Okay, who are we hiding from? 894 00:38:46,083 --> 00:38:47,249 (Santa Monica) Robin Goode. 895 00:38:47,250 --> 00:38:48,999 She thinks she's better than everyone else. 896 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,249 She's in charge of our class reunion. 897 00:38:51,250 --> 00:38:54,957 Of course she is. Look at her in her fuckin' little business lady suit. 898 00:38:54,958 --> 00:38:57,500 Nice camel-toe, Ann Taylor Loft. 899 00:38:58,041 --> 00:39:00,457 Oh, cool, you don't show cleavage in your suit. 900 00:39:00,458 --> 00:39:02,207 (Fake laughs) How professional. 901 00:39:02,208 --> 00:39:04,583 Oh... Oh, okay, she's gone. 902 00:39:06,916 --> 00:39:07,916 She's gone. 903 00:39:09,791 --> 00:39:12,625 - Are you okay? - Yeah, obviously. Duh. 904 00:39:13,125 --> 00:39:14,832 Are you gonna go to the reunion? 905 00:39:14,833 --> 00:39:17,249 Oh, my God, what did I say about small talk? 906 00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:21,082 Now, let's begin your next lesson. 907 00:39:21,083 --> 00:39:23,165 Oh, God, I really don't wanna wear that. 908 00:39:23,166 --> 00:39:24,707 You aren't. Okay. 909 00:39:24,708 --> 00:39:27,332 Most guys don't know your clitter from your shitter. 910 00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:30,207 So, in order to really enjoy your first sexual experience, 911 00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:31,791 you have to be good at giving direction. 912 00:39:32,541 --> 00:39:33,541 Any questions? 913 00:39:34,541 --> 00:39:35,541 (Abby) Uh... 914 00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:38,333 You can't be serious. 915 00:39:38,833 --> 00:39:39,832 Right? 916 00:39:39,833 --> 00:39:41,290 - (Tires screeching) - No, no, no, no, no, no. 917 00:39:41,291 --> 00:39:43,457 No! Oh! Jesus! 918 00:39:43,458 --> 00:39:44,749 Turn left, turn left, left. 919 00:39:44,750 --> 00:39:46,540 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 920 00:39:46,541 --> 00:39:47,749 (Screaming) Oh, my God! 921 00:39:47,750 --> 00:39:48,916 Um, uh, slight left. 922 00:39:50,083 --> 00:39:52,332 - Just-- just stop it! Oh no! - (Tires screeching) 923 00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:53,499 Oh, Jesus. 924 00:39:53,500 --> 00:39:54,582 What? 925 00:39:54,583 --> 00:39:57,124 (Overlapping shouting) 926 00:39:57,125 --> 00:40:00,207 - (Engine revving, tires screeching) - (People screaming) 927 00:40:00,208 --> 00:40:02,957 - Left! Left! (Screaming) - (Raucously laughing) 928 00:40:02,958 --> 00:40:04,582 Tell me what to do! 929 00:40:04,583 --> 00:40:06,499 - Use your words. - (Shouting) Right! 930 00:40:06,500 --> 00:40:07,958 Right! 931 00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,457 - (Car horn blaring) - (Abby screaming) 932 00:40:11,458 --> 00:40:13,000 (Tires screeching) 933 00:40:14,625 --> 00:40:16,040 ♪ Because it's great ♪ 934 00:40:16,041 --> 00:40:18,375 ♪ Great for me to sing ♪ 935 00:40:18,875 --> 00:40:20,958 (Abby screaming) 936 00:40:21,083 --> 00:40:23,082 (Abby) Okay, stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! 937 00:40:23,083 --> 00:40:24,166 (Tires screech) 938 00:40:25,375 --> 00:40:26,540 Oh, God. 939 00:40:26,541 --> 00:40:27,958 ♪ Good enough for me ♪ 940 00:40:28,750 --> 00:40:31,666 Oh, fuck. Now it looks like I’m making fun of him. (Chuckles) 941 00:40:32,500 --> 00:40:33,999 Go, go! 942 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,666 (Tires screeching) 943 00:40:40,166 --> 00:40:41,165 Stop! 944 00:40:41,166 --> 00:40:42,500 (Brakes squealing) 945 00:40:43,958 --> 00:40:44,957 - You did it. - (Screams) 946 00:40:44,958 --> 00:40:46,040 You did it! We're here! 947 00:40:46,041 --> 00:40:47,707 - Oh, my God, we made it! - Holy shit! 948 00:40:47,708 --> 00:40:50,499 - (Abby laughs) - I got scared for a second. 949 00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:51,582 You got scared? 950 00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:53,207 I had to see all that, I thought I was gonna die. 951 00:40:53,208 --> 00:40:54,750 (Car thuds) 952 00:40:58,833 --> 00:41:00,458 I didn't put it in park. 953 00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,291 - (Clicks tongue) - Right. 954 00:41:02,958 --> 00:41:05,250 ♪ Good enough for me ♪ 955 00:41:05,625 --> 00:41:07,082 - (Sighs) - Should we leave a note? 956 00:41:07,083 --> 00:41:08,874 What did I say about small talk? 957 00:41:08,875 --> 00:41:09,957 (Door bell chimes) 958 00:41:09,958 --> 00:41:13,290 ("Heart of Stone" by Brian Wade and Oswin John Falquero plays in store) 959 00:41:13,291 --> 00:41:16,165 ♪ Heart of stone ♪ 960 00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:17,540 Oh, hi. 961 00:41:17,541 --> 00:41:18,999 ♪ I'm on my own ♪ 962 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,750 Let me know if you need any... 963 00:41:22,708 --> 00:41:23,874 thing. 964 00:41:23,875 --> 00:41:25,832 ♪ Since you've gone... ♪ 965 00:41:25,833 --> 00:41:28,374 (Abby) It was like kink Disneyland. 966 00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:30,624 - But all the rides vibrated more. - (Cell phone chimes) 967 00:41:30,625 --> 00:41:33,124 (Santa Monica) "Everybody wants a German to ride." 968 00:41:33,125 --> 00:41:34,207 Ew. 969 00:41:34,208 --> 00:41:37,665 "Powerful as a BMW, eco as a Prius." 970 00:41:37,666 --> 00:41:40,165 It's crazy, everything has, like, handles now. 971 00:41:40,166 --> 00:41:41,250 (Laughs) 972 00:41:41,791 --> 00:41:42,790 Hmm. 973 00:41:42,791 --> 00:41:44,082 Next lesson. 974 00:41:44,083 --> 00:41:46,415 You have to be comfortable in your own body 975 00:41:46,416 --> 00:41:48,582 before you lay on someone else's, right? 976 00:41:48,583 --> 00:41:51,374 I mean, 69-ing is like specifically meant for dual pleasure. 977 00:41:51,375 --> 00:41:52,707 I mean, when I was your age, 978 00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:55,499 I thought the more the guy got off, the better the sex was. 979 00:41:55,500 --> 00:41:58,624 You know, I was just chugging dick after dick after di-- 980 00:41:58,625 --> 00:41:59,915 Yeah, I didn't feel anything. 981 00:41:59,916 --> 00:42:02,665 I was just faking orgasm after orgasm, 982 00:42:02,666 --> 00:42:03,999 just lying on my back. 983 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,707 Just like a little songbird, like... 984 00:42:05,708 --> 00:42:08,290 (Santa Monica squawking) 985 00:42:08,291 --> 00:42:09,540 You know? It sucked. 986 00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:11,415 And I blew out my vocal chords. 987 00:42:11,416 --> 00:42:13,457 But, you know, it's actually the opposite. 988 00:42:13,458 --> 00:42:15,957 Turns out the more I got off, the better the sex was. 989 00:42:15,958 --> 00:42:19,582 So, you gotta figure out what turns you on. 990 00:42:19,583 --> 00:42:22,125 Like, for me, it's choking, but I have trauma. 991 00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:23,957 Maybe you pick something 992 00:42:23,958 --> 00:42:25,707 and I'll go die of embarrassment in the car. 993 00:42:25,708 --> 00:42:29,457 Hey, a vibrator is a window to your soul. 994 00:42:29,458 --> 00:42:32,290 Isn't that, like, stitched on a pillow in your house somewhere? 995 00:42:32,291 --> 00:42:33,375 Live, love, cum? 996 00:42:34,333 --> 00:42:36,082 Haven't you ever been like nervous 997 00:42:36,083 --> 00:42:37,833 and excited about something at the same time? 998 00:42:39,416 --> 00:42:40,875 I guess. Uh... 999 00:42:41,416 --> 00:42:44,040 when I go into haunted houses at Halloween. 1000 00:42:44,041 --> 00:42:45,291 Oh, my God, you really are a dork. 1001 00:42:46,375 --> 00:42:48,790 Okay, think about this like that. 1002 00:42:48,791 --> 00:42:52,165 You can be scared and excited about this next step. 1003 00:42:52,166 --> 00:42:53,624 And I'm gonna help. 1004 00:42:53,625 --> 00:42:56,374 Best stuff for female pleasure is behind the curtain. 1005 00:42:56,375 --> 00:43:00,208 (Santa Monica, in spooky voice) Ooh. Female pleasure. 1006 00:43:00,333 --> 00:43:02,749 (High-pitched ringing) 1007 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:04,583 (Santa Monica laughs menacingly) 1008 00:43:06,458 --> 00:43:09,582 (Ghostly echoing voice) Welcome, Abby. 1009 00:43:09,583 --> 00:43:11,625 Enter, if you dare. 1010 00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,083 We've been waiting for you to cum. 1011 00:43:14,750 --> 00:43:15,957 (Spooky laughter) 1012 00:43:15,958 --> 00:43:18,166 - Okay, I'm actually scared. - (Chuckles) 1013 00:43:18,625 --> 00:43:19,790 No, we got this. 1014 00:43:19,791 --> 00:43:21,832 - ♪ Heart of stone ♪ - ♪ Stone ♪ 1015 00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:23,833 - ♪ I feel... ♪ - (Both shudder) 1016 00:43:24,500 --> 00:43:28,082 (Music distorting) 1017 00:43:28,083 --> 00:43:30,458 (Chainsaws whirring sound) 1018 00:43:33,291 --> 00:43:35,874 - (Screaming) - Oh, my God! 1019 00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:39,041 - (Both screaming) - (Vibrators revving loudly) 1020 00:43:40,166 --> 00:43:42,165 Oh, Jesus Christ. 1021 00:43:42,166 --> 00:43:43,416 Oh, my God. 1022 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:45,250 (Both panting) 1023 00:43:46,625 --> 00:43:48,540 Wait. We're in my house. 1024 00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:50,041 Yeah, no shit. 1025 00:43:55,583 --> 00:43:58,583 (Person shrieking) 1026 00:43:59,458 --> 00:44:01,082 (Shrieking, moaning) 1027 00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:02,833 Cute vibe. 1028 00:44:03,333 --> 00:44:05,000 (Ghostly moaning) 1029 00:44:09,166 --> 00:44:10,707 - (Chimes) - (Both gasp) 1030 00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:12,999 Oh, not Lola's china! 1031 00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:15,082 Come on, just pick one and let's go. 1032 00:44:15,083 --> 00:44:16,166 Um... 1033 00:44:18,958 --> 00:44:20,083 Hmm? 1034 00:44:21,125 --> 00:44:22,249 - That's good. - Okay. 1035 00:44:22,250 --> 00:44:23,665 I prefer the rabbit. 1036 00:44:23,666 --> 00:44:25,082 - (Both screaming) - Oh, my God! 1037 00:44:25,083 --> 00:44:26,625 No! Go, go, go. 1038 00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:31,457 Abigail, what have you done?! 1039 00:44:31,458 --> 00:44:33,290 My walls! 1040 00:44:33,291 --> 00:44:35,958 - (Thunder crashing) - My beautiful walls! 1041 00:44:36,625 --> 00:44:38,333 Mom? What is she talking about? 1042 00:44:41,541 --> 00:44:44,125 Female ejaculation! 1043 00:44:45,208 --> 00:44:48,999 (Distorted ominously) Everywhere! 1044 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,333 (Wailing) 1045 00:44:51,125 --> 00:44:52,499 (Abby) I swear I didn't do it! 1046 00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:55,749 I didn't! I-- I didn't even know that females could do that! 1047 00:44:55,750 --> 00:44:56,832 Oh, Abby. 1048 00:44:56,833 --> 00:44:58,541 Go to your room! 1049 00:44:59,041 --> 00:45:00,165 This is my room. 1050 00:45:00,166 --> 00:45:02,040 (Both screaming) Now! 1051 00:45:02,041 --> 00:45:03,915 (Abby and Santa Monica screaming) 1052 00:45:03,916 --> 00:45:06,332 (Yelling) You jizzed on your dad! 1053 00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:08,957 Okay, I'm done, I don't wanna do this anymore. 1054 00:45:08,958 --> 00:45:10,666 - It's not fun scary. - Go, go. 1055 00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:13,791 (Groaning) 1056 00:45:15,250 --> 00:45:16,500 (Chains rattling) 1057 00:45:17,125 --> 00:45:18,374 (Santa Monica) Help! 1058 00:45:18,375 --> 00:45:20,125 Help! I'm caught! 1059 00:45:21,375 --> 00:45:22,374 Ah! 1060 00:45:22,375 --> 00:45:23,457 - Come on! - Okay! 1061 00:45:23,458 --> 00:45:25,250 (Both grunting) 1062 00:45:26,541 --> 00:45:28,375 (Zombies snarling) 1063 00:45:28,833 --> 00:45:30,457 (Abby) What the fuck? 1064 00:45:30,458 --> 00:45:31,832 (Low growling) 1065 00:45:31,833 --> 00:45:34,166 - (Abby and Santa Monica screaming) - Oh, God! 1066 00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:38,165 - Sixty-four dollars! - What?! 1067 00:45:38,166 --> 00:45:39,500 (Calmly) Sixty-four dollars. 1068 00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,415 - (Card reader dings) - Fun, right? 1069 00:45:42,416 --> 00:45:44,915 (Printer whirring) 1070 00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:47,041 ("Heart of Stone" continues softly playing) 1071 00:45:47,958 --> 00:45:50,124 - (Paper ripping) - (Register beeping) 1072 00:45:50,125 --> 00:45:51,625 (Softly) Goddammit. 1073 00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:54,457 - Okay, barf. - (Cell phone chimes) 1074 00:45:54,458 --> 00:45:57,291 This looks like a toilet became a sweater. 1075 00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,000 Ew. 1076 00:46:00,708 --> 00:46:02,749 (Sighs) Oh, my God. 1077 00:46:02,750 --> 00:46:05,999 This is, like, covered in dog hair, 1078 00:46:06,000 --> 00:46:07,791 so that's not gonna work. 1079 00:46:08,666 --> 00:46:09,875 Jesus. 1080 00:46:11,083 --> 00:46:13,082 How do you have zero fuck-me clothes? 1081 00:46:13,083 --> 00:46:14,832 What? No, this one's nice. 1082 00:46:14,833 --> 00:46:16,040 I got it from the Gap. 1083 00:46:16,041 --> 00:46:18,958 Okay, well no one's gonna wanna touch your gap wearing that. 1084 00:46:19,583 --> 00:46:21,665 (Sighs) All right, I can't believe I'm saying this, 1085 00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:24,000 but I think we have to raid your mom's closet. 1086 00:46:26,791 --> 00:46:30,290 Question, where did you go in the Love Hut? 1087 00:46:30,291 --> 00:46:31,415 What do you mean? 1088 00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,832 (Santa Monica) You were, like, checked out as shit. 1089 00:46:33,833 --> 00:46:36,082 Um... I mean... 1090 00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,832 sometimes I have fantasies. 1091 00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:40,207 Ooh, kinky. I love it. 1092 00:46:40,208 --> 00:46:42,207 (Scoffs) Not, like, sexual. 1093 00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:44,083 More like, um... 1094 00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:47,790 I get nervous and my brain goes places 1095 00:46:47,791 --> 00:46:51,833 that make everything seem wonderful and perfect. 1096 00:46:52,375 --> 00:46:55,290 Except for this one. This one was off the rails. 1097 00:46:55,291 --> 00:46:56,707 (Santa Monica) I'm no therapist, 1098 00:46:56,708 --> 00:46:59,374 but I do, like, listen to bald guys with boners 1099 00:46:59,375 --> 00:47:01,291 talk about their wives for a living. 1100 00:47:02,041 --> 00:47:06,083 But it sounds to me like maybe you're protecting yourself. 1101 00:47:07,166 --> 00:47:08,291 (Abby) I guess. 1102 00:47:08,875 --> 00:47:09,915 It kinda sucks though 1103 00:47:09,916 --> 00:47:12,666 'cause then I miss what's actually happening. 1104 00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:15,665 Well, maybe if you were more confident in your reality, 1105 00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,166 you'd stop fantasizing, right? 1106 00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:21,040 In the meantime, I don't know, pinch your thigh 1107 00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:23,333 when you go to "too good to be true" land. 1108 00:47:25,083 --> 00:47:26,582 That's a good tip. 1109 00:47:26,583 --> 00:47:30,333 Ooh! Okay, suit. 1110 00:47:33,041 --> 00:47:34,583 Okay, wait, this is kinda chic. 1111 00:47:35,208 --> 00:47:37,457 You look like someone named Judy. 1112 00:47:37,458 --> 00:47:40,040 (Hoarsely) Hi, I'm Judy, and I'm taking away your kids 1113 00:47:40,041 --> 00:47:41,540 'cause you have a pill problem. 1114 00:47:41,541 --> 00:47:42,790 (Both chuckle) 1115 00:47:42,791 --> 00:47:44,207 Oh, you should wear that to your reunion. 1116 00:47:44,208 --> 00:47:46,249 Yeah, I'm not going to that. 1117 00:47:46,250 --> 00:47:48,165 How come? You should. 1118 00:47:48,166 --> 00:47:50,416 If I were as cool as you, I'd totally go. 1119 00:47:51,250 --> 00:47:52,416 Dork. 1120 00:47:52,916 --> 00:47:55,832 Okay, there's no way around this. 1121 00:47:55,833 --> 00:47:58,749 These clothes are ass and mine are amazing. 1122 00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:02,124 So I think you need to borrow some of mine for that party on Saturday. 1123 00:48:02,125 --> 00:48:05,083 There was definitely a nicer way of saying that. 1124 00:48:05,666 --> 00:48:06,750 Bye. 1125 00:48:07,583 --> 00:48:08,583 Hey. 1126 00:48:08,833 --> 00:48:09,999 (Vibrator buzzing) 1127 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,166 Buzz off. 1128 00:48:11,833 --> 00:48:12,874 Stupid. 1129 00:48:12,875 --> 00:48:14,250 (Abby chuckles) 1130 00:48:19,708 --> 00:48:21,000 (Knock on door) 1131 00:48:21,333 --> 00:48:23,457 You're really killing my vi... 1132 00:48:23,458 --> 00:48:25,291 (Buzzing continues) 1133 00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:28,415 - (Buzzing stops) - Hi. 1134 00:48:28,416 --> 00:48:30,374 Uh, I'm Lily Rose. 1135 00:48:30,375 --> 00:48:32,333 Your mom told me to drop by. 1136 00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,125 Of course you are. 1137 00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:36,749 Do come in. 1138 00:48:36,750 --> 00:48:38,082 (Birds chirping) 1139 00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:39,250 I'm okay. 1140 00:48:41,333 --> 00:48:43,125 (Puzzle pieces rattling) 1141 00:48:43,833 --> 00:48:44,832 (Chuckles) 1142 00:48:44,833 --> 00:48:47,207 ♪ So I heard the bad news ♪ 1143 00:48:47,208 --> 00:48:48,707 ("Number One Fan" by MUNA playing) 1144 00:48:48,708 --> 00:48:50,749 - ♪ Nobody likes me ♪ - (Cheering) 1145 00:48:50,750 --> 00:48:55,249 ♪ And I'm gonna die alone in my bedroom ♪ 1146 00:48:55,250 --> 00:48:56,707 - Word! - Yes, bitch. 1147 00:48:56,708 --> 00:49:00,832 ♪ Lookin' at strangers on my telephone ♪ 1148 00:49:00,833 --> 00:49:02,707 - ♪ Well, what do you know ♪ - (Laughing) 1149 00:49:02,708 --> 00:49:03,916 What's happening? 1150 00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:08,874 ♪ Wouldn't you like if I believed those words? ♪ 1151 00:49:08,875 --> 00:49:10,374 ♪ If I'm born to lose ♪ 1152 00:49:10,375 --> 00:49:12,249 You know we're not supposed to be in here after hours? 1153 00:49:12,250 --> 00:49:13,540 (Gasps) Oh, my God. 1154 00:49:13,541 --> 00:49:14,749 ♪ Myself in the mirror ♪ 1155 00:49:14,750 --> 00:49:17,000 - ♪ Saying don't leave me now... ♪ - (Whistle blows) 1156 00:49:17,333 --> 00:49:18,374 Do guys fake it? 1157 00:49:18,375 --> 00:49:21,332 Not with me-- or ever, probably. 1158 00:49:21,333 --> 00:49:22,832 What do you do with the balls? 1159 00:49:22,833 --> 00:49:24,415 Treat 'em like a bug bite. 1160 00:49:24,416 --> 00:49:26,374 You know it's there but you try and ignore it. 1161 00:49:26,375 --> 00:49:27,624 Is the G-spot real? 1162 00:49:27,625 --> 00:49:28,957 Oh, yeah. 1163 00:49:28,958 --> 00:49:31,082 Hook in and you'll find it. 1164 00:49:31,083 --> 00:49:32,790 (Chuckling) Nice. Is the H-spot real? 1165 00:49:32,791 --> 00:49:34,707 Absolutely not, you made that up. 1166 00:49:34,708 --> 00:49:36,625 How do you eat with the mask on? 1167 00:49:37,250 --> 00:49:39,541 - (Music stops) - (Bernie) There's a hole under the snout. 1168 00:49:40,125 --> 00:49:43,540 - ("Number One Fan" resumes playing) - (Onlookers cheering) 1169 00:49:45,791 --> 00:49:46,833 (Abby laughing) 1170 00:49:47,666 --> 00:49:49,790 (Santa Monica) DJ Don! DJ Don! 1171 00:49:49,791 --> 00:49:51,500 ♪ So, here's the bad news ♪ 1172 00:49:52,708 --> 00:49:55,124 ♪ I'm coming for everyone ♪ 1173 00:49:55,125 --> 00:49:57,124 ♪ And coming on strong... ♪ 1174 00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:58,208 Hi, Max. 1175 00:49:59,750 --> 00:50:00,750 (Grunting) 1176 00:50:01,625 --> 00:50:02,625 Any questions? 1177 00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:05,124 - No, I think I got it. - Okay. 1178 00:50:05,125 --> 00:50:06,624 Now be careful. 1179 00:50:06,625 --> 00:50:08,208 He's rock hard. 1180 00:50:09,125 --> 00:50:11,040 - (Both) Ohh! - (Head clattering) 1181 00:50:11,041 --> 00:50:13,624 Yeah, don't do that to Max. 1182 00:50:15,166 --> 00:50:17,041 Hey, does this feel like the right spot? 1183 00:50:17,541 --> 00:50:21,000 (Abby) Uh, lower. A little to the left. 1184 00:50:22,458 --> 00:50:24,333 - Yeah, it feels good. - (Max Warren) Cool. 1185 00:50:26,208 --> 00:50:27,249 Wait, are we watching a movie? 1186 00:50:27,250 --> 00:50:29,249 No, I don't have time to watch a whole movie with you. 1187 00:50:29,250 --> 00:50:30,499 But I have to watch it? 1188 00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:33,249 Risky Business was my sexual awakening. 1189 00:50:33,250 --> 00:50:35,624 I mean, come on, Tom Cruise and the men's button-down 1190 00:50:35,625 --> 00:50:37,290 and the tighty-whities and socks? 1191 00:50:37,291 --> 00:50:38,374 Wait, where were his pants? 1192 00:50:38,375 --> 00:50:39,458 Who gives a shit? 1193 00:50:40,416 --> 00:50:41,665 "Who gives a shit." 1194 00:50:41,666 --> 00:50:43,833 (Teacher) Hey, you can't be in here! 1195 00:50:44,875 --> 00:50:48,832 All right, rule of thumb, if you're a good dancer, 1196 00:50:48,833 --> 00:50:50,749 - you're good in bed. - (All) Amen. 1197 00:50:50,750 --> 00:50:52,625 Trust me, I'm a great dancer. 1198 00:50:54,458 --> 00:50:56,457 I-I'm just not into dancing in public. 1199 00:50:56,458 --> 00:50:58,332 - Do the "Macarena." - It's a safe space. 1200 00:50:58,333 --> 00:50:59,415 - (Destiny) Yeah. - Come on, 1201 00:50:59,416 --> 00:51:00,749 who made up that stupid rule anyway? 1202 00:51:00,750 --> 00:51:01,999 The same person that said, 1203 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:03,624 "You know what a woman's bush looks like 1204 00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:05,582 by the way she takes care of her nails." 1205 00:51:05,583 --> 00:51:06,832 - (Angel) That is true. - (DJ Don) Preach. 1206 00:51:06,833 --> 00:51:07,915 - (Destiny) Ooh. - Oh, you got... 1207 00:51:07,916 --> 00:51:09,624 - You got a little girl... - Let me see that. 1208 00:51:09,625 --> 00:51:12,249 Oh, no! Get away from me. Get away from me! 1209 00:51:12,250 --> 00:51:15,624 Abby, just to be clear, pubes friggin' rule, girl. 1210 00:51:15,625 --> 00:51:17,457 - No. No, no, no! - Let me see those nails! 1211 00:51:17,458 --> 00:51:18,916 - (Overlapping yelling) - My girls. 1212 00:51:19,500 --> 00:51:21,500 ("Number One Fan" continues playing) 1213 00:51:21,708 --> 00:51:23,624 - (Wax ripping) - Ow! 1214 00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,665 What the fuck?! 1215 00:51:25,666 --> 00:51:29,499 ♪ So iconic, like big, like stan, like ♪ 1216 00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:32,832 ♪ I would give my life just to hold your hand ♪ 1217 00:51:32,833 --> 00:51:34,749 ♪ I'm your number one fan ♪ 1218 00:51:34,750 --> 00:51:37,665 ♪ I'm your number one, number one fan ♪ 1219 00:51:37,666 --> 00:51:40,165 ♪ Oh, my God, like, I'm your number one fan ♪ 1220 00:51:40,166 --> 00:51:41,374 - Hi. - Hey. 1221 00:51:41,375 --> 00:51:44,874 ♪ So iconic, like big, like stan, like ♪ 1222 00:51:44,875 --> 00:51:46,332 ♪ I would give my life ♪ 1223 00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:48,374 - ♪ Just to hold your hand ♪ - (High-pitched ringing) 1224 00:51:48,375 --> 00:51:50,374 (Music tempo slowing) ♪ I'm your number one fan ♪ 1225 00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:53,457 (Song distorting) ♪ I'm your number one, number one fan ♪ 1226 00:51:53,458 --> 00:51:58,624 ♪ Oh, my God, like, I'm your number one ♪ 1227 00:51:58,625 --> 00:52:00,499 (Music tempo speeds up) ♪ Number one fan ♪ 1228 00:52:00,500 --> 00:52:01,749 Hmm. 1229 00:52:01,750 --> 00:52:03,207 (Song playing at normal tempo) 1230 00:52:05,458 --> 00:52:07,499 ♪ Number one, number one ♪ 1231 00:52:07,500 --> 00:52:09,958 - (School bell ringing) - (Students chattering) 1232 00:52:10,541 --> 00:52:12,957 1-800-Damn! 1233 00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:15,999 - Okay, little skirt moment. - (Abby chuckles) 1234 00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:17,915 Is that why you called me over here? 1235 00:52:17,916 --> 00:52:20,832 Um, I just thought we should celebrate. 1236 00:52:20,833 --> 00:52:22,541 - (Garage door whirring) - What? 1237 00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:32,333 You've had this the whole time?! 1238 00:52:32,916 --> 00:52:34,540 (Abby) Um, well, yeah. 1239 00:52:34,541 --> 00:52:36,791 Girl, let's fuckin' party. 1240 00:52:37,375 --> 00:52:39,832 Oh, I thought we could just drive the car. 1241 00:52:39,833 --> 00:52:42,541 Yeah, that's... that's what I meant. 1242 00:52:43,416 --> 00:52:44,666 Oh, cool. 1243 00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,749 ("Santa Ana" by Pop Noir playing) 1244 00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,374 (Santa Monica) Hey, check this out. 1245 00:52:49,375 --> 00:52:51,124 Sixty-nine! 1246 00:52:51,125 --> 00:52:54,208 (Both screaming) 1247 00:52:55,166 --> 00:52:57,708 - (Abby screaming) - (Santa Monica laughs) 1248 00:52:58,625 --> 00:53:01,791 (Song continues) 1249 00:53:03,041 --> 00:53:05,041 (Inaudible) 1250 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:14,999 - No! - (Engine shuts off) 1251 00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:18,332 You were cool for, like, 15 whole seconds. 1252 00:53:18,333 --> 00:53:20,082 Wild Wild Dead is coming out today. 1253 00:53:20,083 --> 00:53:22,541 They're doing a physical release before it comes out online. 1254 00:53:23,375 --> 00:53:24,374 (Abby groans) 1255 00:53:24,375 --> 00:53:26,458 (People chattering) 1256 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:28,040 Come on. 1257 00:53:28,041 --> 00:53:29,832 - (Unenthusiastically) No. - (Abby) Yes, come on. 1258 00:53:29,833 --> 00:53:31,250 No. 1259 00:53:31,625 --> 00:53:32,791 Come on. 1260 00:53:33,458 --> 00:53:34,791 - Ugh. - Oh, my God. 1261 00:53:35,291 --> 00:53:39,415 - Two hours for a fucking video game? - (Abby) Come on, we're almost there. 1262 00:53:39,416 --> 00:53:40,500 (Cashier) Next zombie. 1263 00:53:42,333 --> 00:53:44,665 No wonder you didn't know anything about sex. 1264 00:53:44,666 --> 00:53:46,957 Look at the crowd you run in. 1265 00:53:46,958 --> 00:53:48,958 What were you like in high school? 1266 00:53:49,500 --> 00:53:50,666 Pretty. 1267 00:53:51,125 --> 00:53:52,415 And? 1268 00:53:52,416 --> 00:53:54,083 And really pretty. 1269 00:53:54,958 --> 00:53:57,750 Super attractive, gorgeous, hot. 1270 00:53:58,666 --> 00:54:00,665 Girls hated me, guys jacked off to me. 1271 00:54:00,666 --> 00:54:02,708 So, I didn't really hang out with anyone. 1272 00:54:03,291 --> 00:54:04,707 You were a loner? 1273 00:54:04,708 --> 00:54:05,832 Like me. 1274 00:54:05,833 --> 00:54:08,707 Well, a little different. 1275 00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:10,125 - How so? - (Cashier) Next zombie. 1276 00:54:14,416 --> 00:54:16,624 Would you like a free Wild Wild Dead zombie costume? 1277 00:54:16,625 --> 00:54:18,791 - Yes, please. - Fuck, no. (Sarcastic chuckle) 1278 00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:20,499 Okay, I can only give one per customer. 1279 00:54:20,500 --> 00:54:22,958 - Oh, I'm good, thanks. - Okay. 1280 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:25,415 (Cell phone buzzing) 1281 00:54:25,416 --> 00:54:28,415 Oh, shit. Ugh. I totally forgot. 1282 00:54:28,416 --> 00:54:29,707 - Thank you. - (Santa Monica sighs) 1283 00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,000 - Thanks. - Bye. 1284 00:54:31,708 --> 00:54:32,916 Next zombie. 1285 00:54:33,458 --> 00:54:35,624 (Indistinct chatter) 1286 00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:37,000 Hey, what's wrong? 1287 00:54:37,291 --> 00:54:39,332 I had Betty book me on any house calls that came in. 1288 00:54:39,333 --> 00:54:40,875 I forgot I had one tonight. 1289 00:54:41,958 --> 00:54:43,374 Fuck, I'm screwed. 1290 00:54:43,375 --> 00:54:45,000 - I can drive you. I can take you. - (Cell phone chimes) 1291 00:54:45,625 --> 00:54:47,250 No, no. 1292 00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:50,624 (Cell phone chimes) 1293 00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:51,958 You sure? 1294 00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:55,790 (Cell phone beeps) 1295 00:54:55,791 --> 00:54:57,083 I got you. Get in. 1296 00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:04,749 - Is this it? - (Santa Monica) Yeah. 1297 00:55:04,750 --> 00:55:05,833 (Dog barking) 1298 00:55:07,083 --> 00:55:08,957 I don't think you should go in there. 1299 00:55:08,958 --> 00:55:11,125 Okay. Well, I don't really have a choice. 1300 00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:13,915 Okay, look, it's clearly shady, 1301 00:55:13,916 --> 00:55:16,208 so just don't get outta the car, okay? 1302 00:55:16,958 --> 00:55:18,875 - It's, it's real creep-- - Don't worry. 1303 00:55:20,458 --> 00:55:21,583 I'll be fine. 1304 00:55:23,166 --> 00:55:24,333 I'll be fine. 1305 00:55:24,625 --> 00:55:25,625 (Dog barking) 1306 00:55:29,500 --> 00:55:32,916 ("Too Fast Too Soon" by Guilhem Hatt playing) 1307 00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,582 ♪ We may love too soon ♪ 1308 00:55:38,583 --> 00:55:40,375 This shit is kicking in. 1309 00:55:43,333 --> 00:55:46,249 - ♪ We may love too soon ♪ - Fuck it. 1310 00:55:46,250 --> 00:55:48,333 (Crickets chirping) 1311 00:55:49,166 --> 00:55:51,124 (Abby) I had never had this feeling before. 1312 00:55:51,125 --> 00:55:52,207 (Exhales sharply) 1313 00:55:52,208 --> 00:55:54,290 I was nervous, like I always am, 1314 00:55:54,291 --> 00:55:56,665 but this time, for Santa Monica. 1315 00:55:56,666 --> 00:55:58,290 (Snorting) 1316 00:55:58,291 --> 00:56:00,541 ("Too Fast Too Soon" continues playing) 1317 00:56:01,125 --> 00:56:02,208 (Exhales) 1318 00:56:03,958 --> 00:56:05,707 Okay, don't touch me. 1319 00:56:05,708 --> 00:56:07,333 ♪ Kinda shame ♪ 1320 00:56:08,250 --> 00:56:09,250 (Dog barking outside) 1321 00:56:09,916 --> 00:56:11,250 - You want some? - No. 1322 00:56:11,541 --> 00:56:12,999 (Druggie 1) Don't give the hooker our blow. 1323 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:14,583 I'm not a fucking hooker. 1324 00:56:15,416 --> 00:56:16,999 You're whatever we say you are. 1325 00:56:17,000 --> 00:56:20,000 (Song continues playing) 1326 00:56:21,125 --> 00:56:22,125 (Santa Monica sighing) 1327 00:56:23,291 --> 00:56:24,374 Come see my room. 1328 00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,749 - Okay. All right. - Come on. 1329 00:56:25,750 --> 00:56:27,540 - (Santa Monica) Fuck this! - (Druggie 2) Aw, come on. 1330 00:56:27,541 --> 00:56:28,749 Come back. 1331 00:56:28,750 --> 00:56:30,458 We're just fuckin' around. 1332 00:56:31,041 --> 00:56:32,708 (Panting) 1333 00:56:33,250 --> 00:56:34,458 (Dog barking) 1334 00:56:35,375 --> 00:56:36,916 (Santa Monica) All right, go! Go, go. 1335 00:56:38,041 --> 00:56:40,208 Fuck! Fuck. 1336 00:56:40,958 --> 00:56:41,958 Shit. 1337 00:56:42,416 --> 00:56:43,832 (Dog continues barking) 1338 00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:44,916 (Whispering) Abby? 1339 00:56:45,833 --> 00:56:47,082 Abby? 1340 00:56:47,083 --> 00:56:49,291 (Muffled indistinct chatter) 1341 00:56:49,958 --> 00:56:51,958 ("Perfect Day" by Lou Reed playing) 1342 00:56:52,541 --> 00:56:54,415 (Druggie 1) We need more fucking coke. 1343 00:56:54,416 --> 00:56:56,500 ♪ Problems are left to know ♪ 1344 00:56:59,125 --> 00:57:02,249 ♪ Weekenders all night long ♪ 1345 00:57:02,250 --> 00:57:03,332 (Whispering) Fuck! 1346 00:57:03,333 --> 00:57:05,416 ♪ It's such fun ♪ 1347 00:57:08,416 --> 00:57:09,499 (Door slams open) 1348 00:57:09,500 --> 00:57:11,040 (High-pitched screaming) 1349 00:57:11,041 --> 00:57:12,165 (Santa Monica) Abby! 1350 00:57:12,166 --> 00:57:13,665 (Abby snarling, growling) 1351 00:57:13,666 --> 00:57:15,165 (Screaming continues) 1352 00:57:15,166 --> 00:57:16,374 (Growling) 1353 00:57:16,375 --> 00:57:17,457 (Druggie 3) Oh, shit! 1354 00:57:17,458 --> 00:57:19,000 I shouldn't have taken that second pill. 1355 00:57:19,291 --> 00:57:22,083 - (Abby growls) Run! - Oh. 1356 00:57:22,500 --> 00:57:24,124 - (Abby) Okay, let's go. - (Santa Monica) Go, go! 1357 00:57:24,125 --> 00:57:25,207 That fuckin' bitch! 1358 00:57:25,208 --> 00:57:27,290 (Song continues playing) 1359 00:57:27,291 --> 00:57:32,540 ♪ Oh, it's such a perfect day ♪ 1360 00:57:32,541 --> 00:57:37,625 ♪ I'm glad I spent it with you ♪ 1361 00:57:38,208 --> 00:57:41,332 ♪ Oh, such a perfect day ♪ 1362 00:57:41,333 --> 00:57:46,332 ♪ You just keep me hangin' on ♪ 1363 00:57:46,333 --> 00:57:51,874 ♪ You just keep me hangin' on ♪ 1364 00:57:59,958 --> 00:58:01,665 (Inaudible) 1365 00:58:01,666 --> 00:58:03,125 (Tires screeching) 1366 00:58:04,250 --> 00:58:07,291 (Santa Monica) Fuck you! 1367 00:58:08,375 --> 00:58:10,291 (Laughing) 1368 00:58:11,291 --> 00:58:13,124 I can't believe you did that for me. 1369 00:58:13,125 --> 00:58:15,332 - (Abby chuckles) - I mean, no one have ever-- 1370 00:58:15,333 --> 00:58:16,707 Dressed like a zombie for you? 1371 00:58:16,708 --> 00:58:18,457 Don't deflect. 1372 00:58:18,458 --> 00:58:20,583 That was very badass what you did back there. 1373 00:58:22,750 --> 00:58:23,957 Thanks. 1374 00:58:23,958 --> 00:58:25,665 Hey, earlier you said we were celebrating. 1375 00:58:25,666 --> 00:58:26,790 What are we celebrating? 1376 00:58:26,791 --> 00:58:28,290 The loss of half of your pubic hair? 1377 00:58:28,291 --> 00:58:31,707 Uh, no. Um, it's my birthday. 1378 00:58:31,708 --> 00:58:32,791 No shit. 1379 00:58:33,833 --> 00:58:35,165 Dude, happy birthday. 1380 00:58:35,166 --> 00:58:36,249 Thanks. 1381 00:58:36,250 --> 00:58:37,457 - I have to pee. - It was a weird-- 1382 00:58:37,458 --> 00:58:39,333 Oh, okay. Yeah. 1383 00:58:41,666 --> 00:58:44,041 (People chattering) 1384 00:58:45,750 --> 00:58:47,749 (Abby) Maybe it was because of Santa Monica, 1385 00:58:47,750 --> 00:58:50,207 but people started looking at me differently. 1386 00:58:50,208 --> 00:58:51,583 It felt kinda cool. 1387 00:58:52,125 --> 00:58:53,125 (Gasps) 1388 00:58:57,125 --> 00:59:01,500 (Group singing) ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1389 00:59:02,083 --> 00:59:06,166 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1390 00:59:06,791 --> 00:59:12,333 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Abby ♪ 1391 00:59:12,791 --> 00:59:16,665 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 1392 00:59:16,666 --> 00:59:20,208 - (Santa Monica) Yay! - (Cheering and applause) 1393 00:59:21,541 --> 00:59:24,375 Make a wish! I wonder what it is. 1394 00:59:29,666 --> 00:59:31,125 (Santa Monica chuckles) 1395 00:59:33,333 --> 00:59:35,000 Happy birthday, Abby. 1396 00:59:50,166 --> 00:59:52,790 Well, that was kind of fun, in, like, a weird way. 1397 00:59:52,791 --> 00:59:53,875 (Abby) Mm. 1398 00:59:54,833 --> 00:59:55,833 Oh, hey, Santi? 1399 00:59:56,791 --> 00:59:59,332 Um, I-- I don't wanna overstep. 1400 00:59:59,333 --> 01:00:01,208 I know it's your job but... 1401 01:00:02,041 --> 01:00:03,999 I don't know, those guys tonight were really scary. 1402 01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,166 I just don't think you should be doing that anymore. 1403 01:00:07,458 --> 01:00:10,083 Okay, well, thanks to you that was my last one. 1404 01:00:11,083 --> 01:00:12,458 Me? Why me? 1405 01:00:13,208 --> 01:00:17,041 I'm using the 20,000 you're paying me to buy Diamond Dolls. 1406 01:00:18,541 --> 01:00:21,290 Betty was gonna lose the club if we didn't raise money in time. 1407 01:00:21,291 --> 01:00:25,375 And... honestly it's always been my dream to own it. 1408 01:00:26,625 --> 01:00:28,790 Anyway, this jerk was gonna take it over. 1409 01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:30,832 But because if you, I get to save the club 1410 01:00:30,833 --> 01:00:32,500 and my work family. 1411 01:00:35,125 --> 01:00:38,165 You know, I wasn't gonna go to my high school reunion 1412 01:00:38,166 --> 01:00:41,332 'cause I hadn't done anything with my life. 1413 01:00:41,333 --> 01:00:44,040 But now I get to go back as a business owner. 1414 01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,750 And I'm sorry, like a fuckin' hot one at that. 1415 01:00:49,083 --> 01:00:50,332 What? 1416 01:00:50,333 --> 01:00:52,124 Sorry. Um... 1417 01:00:52,125 --> 01:00:55,290 You've just... never talked about your personal life. 1418 01:00:55,291 --> 01:00:58,125 Well, money talks. And I'm getting mine on Saturday. 1419 01:01:02,083 --> 01:01:05,083 Hey, tomorrow's your last day of high school. 1420 01:01:05,875 --> 01:01:08,083 I think it's okay to flirt a little with Max. 1421 01:01:08,875 --> 01:01:10,750 - Max. - Go for it. 1422 01:01:11,375 --> 01:01:12,375 Call me. 1423 01:01:20,208 --> 01:01:22,749 (Abby) That night I didn't sleep at all. 1424 01:01:22,750 --> 01:01:26,082 I had finally started to get close to Santa Monica. 1425 01:01:26,083 --> 01:01:27,583 There was only one problem. 1426 01:01:28,750 --> 01:01:29,749 (Door squeaking) 1427 01:01:29,750 --> 01:01:31,208 I didn't have the money. 1428 01:01:33,125 --> 01:01:34,124 (Door slams) 1429 01:01:34,125 --> 01:01:35,499 I was selfish and stupid 1430 01:01:35,500 --> 01:01:38,499 and shouldn't have been canceling games all week. 1431 01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:40,832 I really thought I had more time. 1432 01:01:40,833 --> 01:01:44,249 I needed to focus on getting the money, and fast. 1433 01:01:44,250 --> 01:01:46,540 Nothing would break my concentration. 1434 01:01:46,541 --> 01:01:48,666 - Hey, Cherry Worms. - Hey, Max. 1435 01:01:49,375 --> 01:01:52,083 Oh. Hi, Max. 1436 01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:55,165 Uh, so I'm having some people over to my place tomorrow night. 1437 01:01:55,166 --> 01:01:56,250 You gonna make it? 1438 01:01:56,875 --> 01:01:57,958 Uh, I... 1439 01:01:59,291 --> 01:02:00,665 Ye-- Yes. Yes. 1440 01:02:00,666 --> 01:02:02,665 I am physically able to make a party. 1441 01:02:02,666 --> 01:02:04,291 I think I can make it. 1442 01:02:04,916 --> 01:02:06,333 Nice. Well, I hope you come. 1443 01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:09,041 Uh, great, I hope you come, too. 1444 01:02:09,875 --> 01:02:11,707 Yeah, yeah, I'll be there. I live there, so... 1445 01:02:11,708 --> 01:02:13,750 - Oh. Convenient. - (Max) Yeah, yeah. 1446 01:02:14,375 --> 01:02:15,750 - (Abby) Okay. - (Chuckles) 1447 01:02:17,500 --> 01:02:19,875 - Bye. - Bye. (Laughs) 1448 01:02:22,833 --> 01:02:26,250 (School bell ringing) 1449 01:02:26,375 --> 01:02:28,250 (Students chattering) 1450 01:02:36,083 --> 01:02:38,000 (Line ringing) 1451 01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:42,999 (Margaret, on FaceTime) Hi, anak. How was your birthday? 1452 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:44,540 Did Lily Rose stop by? 1453 01:02:44,541 --> 01:02:46,457 I really want you to make a friend, mahal. 1454 01:02:46,458 --> 01:02:48,207 Uh, I-- I don't really have time to talk right now. 1455 01:02:48,208 --> 01:02:50,958 I just wanted to, uh, throw an idea your way. 1456 01:02:51,666 --> 01:02:52,874 Oh, okay. 1457 01:02:52,875 --> 01:02:56,540 Um, what if no college? 1458 01:02:56,541 --> 01:02:58,374 (Margaret) Oh, here comes your father. 1459 01:02:58,375 --> 01:02:59,665 Abigail, I don't get the joke. 1460 01:02:59,666 --> 01:03:00,999 And we're unboxing a Squatty Potty. 1461 01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:02,374 Are you in some sort of trouble? 1462 01:03:02,375 --> 01:03:03,582 No, no, not at all. 1463 01:03:03,583 --> 01:03:08,583 I just, um... I wanted to, uh... 1464 01:03:09,625 --> 01:03:13,790 ask if there was any extra cash lying around the house for pizza. 1465 01:03:13,791 --> 01:03:16,415 (Margaret) Oh, there's frozen pizza in the freezer. 1466 01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:17,999 Eat now, okay? 1467 01:03:18,000 --> 01:03:19,333 Before you get hungry. 1468 01:03:19,750 --> 01:03:20,999 (Ron) Wave to Grandma. 1469 01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:22,624 - (Grandma) I'm tired. - (Margaret) Okay, okay. 1470 01:03:22,625 --> 01:03:24,375 - Call you back. - (Call ends) 1471 01:03:26,791 --> 01:03:28,790 (Bernie) Ooh... Yeah, no. 1472 01:03:28,791 --> 01:03:31,207 My dad taught me not to loan money to anyone. 1473 01:03:31,208 --> 01:03:34,833 What's crazy is my dad just lost his job and now he needs a loan from me. 1474 01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:36,666 The irony. 1475 01:03:37,333 --> 01:03:38,666 Thanks anyway. 1476 01:03:40,416 --> 01:03:42,249 Again? I didn't even get any info. 1477 01:03:42,250 --> 01:03:44,666 (Bernie) Girl, I charge by appointment. 1478 01:03:45,166 --> 01:03:46,375 - (Abby sighs) - Come on. 1479 01:03:47,125 --> 01:03:48,166 (Cash register dings) 1480 01:03:50,083 --> 01:03:53,915 (Abby) Oh, wow, uh, it looks like I lost 1481 01:03:53,916 --> 01:03:56,333 quite a few subscribers. 1482 01:03:56,916 --> 01:04:01,332 Okay, well, coming on to Glitch to give all... 38 of you 1483 01:04:01,333 --> 01:04:02,832 an exclusive offer. 1484 01:04:02,833 --> 01:04:04,499 If you donate a hundred bucks, 1485 01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:10,041 I'll give away private game sessions to the first 150 people. 1486 01:04:11,375 --> 01:04:13,582 (Dinging) 1487 01:04:13,583 --> 01:04:15,749 Okay, I am not thirsty. 1488 01:04:15,750 --> 01:04:17,082 - I am just... - (Computer chimes) 1489 01:04:17,083 --> 01:04:18,458 And they're gone. 1490 01:04:35,958 --> 01:04:37,666 Fuck you, wall art. 1491 01:04:58,000 --> 01:05:00,208 (Neighbors chattering loudly) 1492 01:05:02,041 --> 01:05:03,041 Hello? 1493 01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:06,541 Santi? 1494 01:05:09,625 --> 01:05:10,915 Hello. 1495 01:05:10,916 --> 01:05:13,541 ("Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger playing) 1496 01:05:16,875 --> 01:05:18,374 ♪ Just take those old records ♪ 1497 01:05:18,375 --> 01:05:19,791 - (Singing along) - ♪ Off the shelf ♪ 1498 01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:21,915 What are you doing? 1499 01:05:21,916 --> 01:05:23,624 You mean what are we doing? 1500 01:05:23,625 --> 01:05:26,041 We're watching Risky Business. 1501 01:05:27,041 --> 01:05:29,957 Is this part of Risky Business? 1502 01:05:29,958 --> 01:05:32,457 It's the most iconic part. 1503 01:05:32,458 --> 01:05:34,500 - (Song stops) - Okay. 1504 01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:36,666 It's official, we're watching it. 1505 01:05:37,375 --> 01:05:39,582 You have no idea how long I was waiting back there. 1506 01:05:39,583 --> 01:05:41,458 (Panting) Hours. 1507 01:05:42,208 --> 01:05:44,624 Okay, now these are the opening credits. 1508 01:05:44,625 --> 01:05:46,290 These are the actors, 1509 01:05:46,291 --> 01:05:48,082 but they're not gonna be playing themselves. 1510 01:05:48,083 --> 01:05:50,415 Just, you know... They're in the movie. 1511 01:05:50,416 --> 01:05:52,958 Are you just explaining what a movie is to me? 1512 01:05:53,791 --> 01:05:54,790 (Santa Monica) No. 1513 01:05:54,791 --> 01:05:56,540 (Abby) Are you gonna be talking the whole time? 1514 01:05:56,541 --> 01:05:58,249 Here comes the dance I was doing. (Crunching) 1515 01:05:58,250 --> 01:05:59,582 That one. 1516 01:05:59,583 --> 01:06:01,832 I still don't get why he doesn't have pants on. 1517 01:06:01,833 --> 01:06:03,290 'Cause it's cool. 1518 01:06:03,291 --> 01:06:05,540 It's cool to not wear pants. 1519 01:06:05,541 --> 01:06:07,665 (Abby) What, so like, Winnie-the-Pooh is cool now? 1520 01:06:07,666 --> 01:06:09,540 (Santa Monica) Wait, I have to pause 'cause I have to pee. 1521 01:06:09,541 --> 01:06:11,000 - Okay. - Just kidding. (Chuckles) 1522 01:06:12,000 --> 01:06:13,000 Oh. (Chuckles) 1523 01:06:13,875 --> 01:06:15,082 I think it's really messed up 1524 01:06:15,083 --> 01:06:17,249 when your people are watching movies and then it's like, 1525 01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:19,291 "Oh, pause, let me go to the bathroom." 1526 01:06:19,625 --> 01:06:21,415 It's like, "Oh, so you just like rule the movie?" 1527 01:06:21,416 --> 01:06:24,125 - (Shushing) - (Santa Monica chuckles) 1528 01:06:31,000 --> 01:06:32,000 (Crunching) 1529 01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:37,000 What'd you think? 1530 01:06:37,458 --> 01:06:39,457 (Yawning) Pretty good movie, right? 1531 01:06:39,458 --> 01:06:41,832 In terms of teenage brothel movies, 1532 01:06:41,833 --> 01:06:43,250 I'll give it two thumbs up. 1533 01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:44,916 Okay. 1534 01:06:45,375 --> 01:06:46,708 I have something to show you. 1535 01:06:48,041 --> 01:06:50,124 (Sing-songy) ♪ Come over here ♪ 1536 01:06:50,125 --> 01:06:51,249 Come on. 1537 01:06:51,250 --> 01:06:53,082 - Oh, I'm following you. - Yeah. 1538 01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:54,750 Check this out. 1539 01:06:57,541 --> 01:06:58,541 (Light clicks) 1540 01:06:59,416 --> 01:07:00,832 I'm renaming the club. 1541 01:07:00,833 --> 01:07:02,916 (Neon light humming) 1542 01:07:03,666 --> 01:07:05,207 - (Softly) Cool. - Oh. 1543 01:07:05,208 --> 01:07:06,833 And I bought you a little something. 1544 01:07:07,833 --> 01:07:08,833 (Wheezing chuckle) 1545 01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:12,332 I don't deserve it. 1546 01:07:12,333 --> 01:07:14,291 I thought it would be great for tomorrow night. 1547 01:07:17,208 --> 01:07:19,207 - It's perfect. - (Santa Monica) Really? 1548 01:07:19,208 --> 01:07:21,291 - Yeah. - Okay. 1549 01:07:23,625 --> 01:07:26,333 Oh, um, I got you something too, but I didn't buy it. 1550 01:07:26,916 --> 01:07:29,625 Okay, well, it better not be like a friendship bracelet or some shit. 1551 01:07:30,958 --> 01:07:32,207 Don't open it yet. 1552 01:07:32,208 --> 01:07:33,458 Okay. 1553 01:07:35,166 --> 01:07:36,958 (Sighs) Um... 1554 01:07:39,000 --> 01:07:41,124 I actually have to talk to you about something. 1555 01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:42,957 Wait, it's Friday. 1556 01:07:42,958 --> 01:07:44,291 Today was your last day of school. 1557 01:07:44,708 --> 01:07:45,915 - Yeah. - (Santa Monica) Uh... 1558 01:07:45,916 --> 01:07:47,540 Shouldn't you be out getting wasted 1559 01:07:47,541 --> 01:07:50,250 instead of watching '80s movies with an older-- 1560 01:07:50,833 --> 01:07:54,291 but still younger... girl? 1561 01:07:58,083 --> 01:08:01,333 Um, can I ask you something? 1562 01:08:02,625 --> 01:08:03,749 (Abby) Yeah. 1563 01:08:03,750 --> 01:08:06,165 What do you think is actually gonna happen 1564 01:08:06,166 --> 01:08:08,041 if you get to 69 Max? 1565 01:08:08,708 --> 01:08:10,291 - Like after? - (Santa Monica) Yeah. 1566 01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:13,082 I don't know, I guess 1567 01:08:13,083 --> 01:08:15,375 it'd be great if he became my boyfriend. 1568 01:08:15,875 --> 01:08:19,665 Like... it'd be nice to have someone 1569 01:08:19,666 --> 01:08:21,582 to hang out with me. 1570 01:08:21,583 --> 01:08:23,457 Like, we'd have inside jokes 1571 01:08:23,458 --> 01:08:28,165 and watch movies, braid each other's hair 1572 01:08:28,166 --> 01:08:30,540 and we could tell each other secrets 1573 01:08:30,541 --> 01:08:32,207 and it wouldn't be embarrassing or anything 1574 01:08:32,208 --> 01:08:35,166 because we love each other unconditionally, you know? 1575 01:08:35,833 --> 01:08:37,499 Um... 1576 01:08:37,500 --> 01:08:42,166 That sounds like you want a friend. 1577 01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:44,541 (Scoffs) What? What do you mean? 1578 01:08:45,458 --> 01:08:48,791 Abby, I hate to do this before your big night... 1579 01:08:50,333 --> 01:08:52,375 but you're not ready. 1580 01:08:53,708 --> 01:08:55,333 I don't understand. 1581 01:08:56,458 --> 01:08:59,875 I don't think you're ready to 69 Max. 1582 01:09:01,250 --> 01:09:03,665 I promise you, I promise you, you have time, 1583 01:09:03,666 --> 01:09:07,165 but for now, you're still a kid. 1584 01:09:07,166 --> 01:09:08,541 I am not. 1585 01:09:09,416 --> 01:09:11,832 (Sighs) Come on, you thought rim jobs 1586 01:09:11,833 --> 01:09:13,832 were like boob-related foreplay. 1587 01:09:13,833 --> 01:09:15,749 Okay, so I didn't know some things. 1588 01:09:15,750 --> 01:09:17,790 I-- I didn't realize that you'd hold that against me. 1589 01:09:17,791 --> 01:09:20,291 I'm not. I'm-- I'm sorry, I... 1590 01:09:21,541 --> 01:09:23,250 I'm just trying to be honest with you. 1591 01:09:23,833 --> 01:09:25,041 You don't care. 1592 01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:28,458 All you've ever cared about was the money. 1593 01:09:28,875 --> 01:09:31,416 I'm never gonna hear from you again the second that you get your hands on it. 1594 01:09:32,375 --> 01:09:33,457 That is not true. 1595 01:09:33,458 --> 01:09:35,291 Let's find out, shall we? 1596 01:09:36,791 --> 01:09:38,791 - Wait, what do you mean? - I don't have your money! 1597 01:09:45,083 --> 01:09:46,166 Uh... 1598 01:09:47,333 --> 01:09:48,625 I-- I don't. 1599 01:09:49,416 --> 01:09:50,957 I-- I have what I gave you already. 1600 01:09:50,958 --> 01:09:53,916 I don't have your $20,000. 1601 01:09:56,500 --> 01:09:57,750 I'm so sorry. 1602 01:10:00,208 --> 01:10:01,416 You're sorry? 1603 01:10:06,500 --> 01:10:09,833 I have to tell Betty I don't have the money. 1604 01:10:11,291 --> 01:10:15,165 I have to then tell the women I work with they're out of a job, 1605 01:10:15,166 --> 01:10:18,166 or worse, working for a fucking psycho-pervert. 1606 01:10:18,583 --> 01:10:21,540 This isn't like a video game, okay? 1607 01:10:21,541 --> 01:10:23,750 This is my real fucking life. 1608 01:10:25,750 --> 01:10:26,749 I'm s-- 1609 01:10:26,750 --> 01:10:27,916 I feel awful. 1610 01:10:28,916 --> 01:10:31,083 Geez. What was the plan, Abby? 1611 01:10:31,541 --> 01:10:34,833 I-I-I-I figured that I could get it to you over time. 1612 01:10:35,291 --> 01:10:37,457 I mean, do you know how much of my time you've wasted 1613 01:10:37,458 --> 01:10:40,041 pretending to be something you're never gonna be? 1614 01:10:43,583 --> 01:10:45,708 - Abby... - Well, you're one to talk. 1615 01:10:46,791 --> 01:10:47,790 (Scoffs) 1616 01:10:47,791 --> 01:10:51,082 You spend all this time teaching me about confidence-- 1617 01:10:51,083 --> 01:10:53,791 confidence that you don't even have yourself! 1618 01:10:54,916 --> 01:10:57,708 Hiding from your own classmate, really? 1619 01:10:58,416 --> 01:11:01,915 I bet-- I bet you anything that you're gonna use this 1620 01:11:01,916 --> 01:11:03,833 to not go to your own reunion. 1621 01:11:05,583 --> 01:11:07,540 You wanna bet 20-fucking-grand? 1622 01:11:07,541 --> 01:11:10,125 - (Abby scoffs) - 'Cause I could really use that about now. 1623 01:11:10,875 --> 01:11:13,582 Good luck pretending you know anything about sex tomorrow. 1624 01:11:13,583 --> 01:11:15,040 Oh, I'm gonna be just fine. 1625 01:11:15,041 --> 01:11:16,875 I'm a goddamn sex machine. 1626 01:11:20,125 --> 01:11:21,124 (Door slams shut) 1627 01:11:21,125 --> 01:11:23,124 ("Crocodile Tears" by Zara Elizabeth Kershaw playing) 1628 01:11:23,125 --> 01:11:25,124 ♪ For the nights with the words in my mouth ♪ 1629 01:11:25,125 --> 01:11:28,999 ♪ Something’s underwater, moving into color ♪ 1630 01:11:29,000 --> 01:11:30,499 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 1631 01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,791 (Cell phone chimes) 1632 01:11:47,666 --> 01:11:48,666 (Abby) What? 1633 01:11:49,375 --> 01:11:50,374 No! 1634 01:11:50,375 --> 01:11:51,750 Ugh! 1635 01:11:53,083 --> 01:11:54,374 - (Sighing) - (Thuds) 1636 01:11:54,375 --> 01:11:55,790 ♪ Oh... ♪ 1637 01:11:55,791 --> 01:11:58,583 Ow! Damn it! 1638 01:11:59,125 --> 01:12:03,040 ♪ Think that was the medicine and I felt better ♪ 1639 01:12:03,041 --> 01:12:07,583 ♪ Oh, now you're floating in my breakfast cereal... ♪ 1640 01:12:09,041 --> 01:12:10,749 ♪ So, hi ♪ 1641 01:12:10,750 --> 01:12:13,125 ♪ Hey, hello, yeah, that was a nice try ♪ 1642 01:12:14,666 --> 01:12:17,457 ♪ Coming up slowly before you bite ♪ 1643 01:12:17,458 --> 01:12:19,374 ♪ And you know ♪ 1644 01:12:19,375 --> 01:12:23,916 ♪ I forgive and forget it then you cry crocodile tears ♪ 1645 01:12:24,500 --> 01:12:26,833 - ♪ Crocodile tears ♪ - (Text pings) 1646 01:12:27,208 --> 01:12:28,249 Yes! 1647 01:12:28,250 --> 01:12:31,957 ♪ Pull the blinds, when we felt like a ghost ♪ 1648 01:12:31,958 --> 01:12:35,915 ♪ Back down to the bottom, gravity gets heavy ♪ 1649 01:12:35,916 --> 01:12:40,790 ♪ Oh you, held too tight, when I needed you most ♪ 1650 01:12:40,791 --> 01:12:44,791 ♪ There's something we hold, there's something we carry ♪ 1651 01:12:45,416 --> 01:12:49,500 ♪ So hi, hey, hello, yeah. that was a nice try ♪ 1652 01:12:51,625 --> 01:12:55,749 ♪ Been coming up slowly before you bite, and you know ♪ 1653 01:12:55,750 --> 01:12:59,957 ♪ I forgive and forget it then you cry crocodile tears ♪ 1654 01:12:59,958 --> 01:13:01,915 (People chattering) 1655 01:13:01,916 --> 01:13:04,165 ("Party Song" by Alina Eremia and Ilkan Gunuc playing) 1656 01:13:04,166 --> 01:13:06,790 ♪ Saturday night getting lost in slow motion ♪ 1657 01:13:06,791 --> 01:13:08,124 ♪ Under the lights ♪ 1658 01:13:08,125 --> 01:13:10,415 ♪ Where we dance to let go ♪ 1659 01:13:10,416 --> 01:13:11,874 ♪ Have one of those nights ♪ 1660 01:13:11,875 --> 01:13:14,415 ♪ Where hearts don't get broken ♪ 1661 01:13:14,416 --> 01:13:15,874 ♪ Singing party songs ♪ 1662 01:13:15,875 --> 01:13:16,999 ♪ Don't know the words ♪ 1663 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:18,374 ♪ But we sing a long like ♪ 1664 01:13:18,375 --> 01:13:20,290 - ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ - (People chattering, whooping) 1665 01:13:20,291 --> 01:13:21,874 ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ 1666 01:13:21,875 --> 01:13:23,749 ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ 1667 01:13:23,750 --> 01:13:26,165 ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ 1668 01:13:26,166 --> 01:13:28,749 ♪ Free yourself tonight ♪ 1669 01:13:28,750 --> 01:13:30,124 (Banging on piano keys) 1670 01:13:30,125 --> 01:13:31,457 ♪ Singing party songs ♪ 1671 01:13:31,458 --> 01:13:32,790 - (Laughter) - ♪ Don't know the words ♪ 1672 01:13:32,791 --> 01:13:33,874 ♪ But we sing along ♪ 1673 01:13:33,875 --> 01:13:36,332 ♪ Free your self tonight ♪ 1674 01:13:36,333 --> 01:13:37,749 (Cheering) 1675 01:13:37,750 --> 01:13:39,165 ♪ Singing party songs ♪ 1676 01:13:39,166 --> 01:13:41,291 ♪ Don't know the words but we sing along ♪ 1677 01:13:42,458 --> 01:13:44,457 (People chanting) Go Bernie, go! Drink! Drink! Drink! 1678 01:13:44,458 --> 01:13:47,957 ♪ Where you wanna go tonight ♪ 1679 01:13:47,958 --> 01:13:50,458 ♪ Where the people never sleep ♪ 1680 01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:52,707 - (Group cheering) - ♪ Saturday night ♪ 1681 01:13:52,708 --> 01:13:55,249 ♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪ 1682 01:13:55,250 --> 01:13:56,582 ♪ Under the lights ♪ 1683 01:13:56,583 --> 01:13:58,124 ♪ Where we dance to let go ♪ 1684 01:13:58,125 --> 01:14:00,457 (People chanting) Go Bernie! Go Bernie! Go Bernie! 1685 01:14:00,458 --> 01:14:02,957 ♪ Where hearts don't get broken ♪ 1686 01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:04,415 ♪ Singing party songs ♪ 1687 01:14:04,416 --> 01:14:06,457 ♪ Don't know the words but we sing a long like ♪ 1688 01:14:06,458 --> 01:14:08,665 - ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ - (Air horn blowing) 1689 01:14:08,666 --> 01:14:10,415 ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ 1690 01:14:10,416 --> 01:14:12,207 ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ 1691 01:14:12,208 --> 01:14:14,083 - ♪ La-da-di, la-da-da ♪ - Hey! 1692 01:14:14,750 --> 01:14:15,749 ♪ Saturday night ♪ 1693 01:14:15,750 --> 01:14:18,416 ♪ Getting lost in slow motion ♪ 1694 01:14:19,416 --> 01:14:20,915 Uh, whiskey neat. 1695 01:14:20,916 --> 01:14:22,749 (People chattering) 1696 01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,874 (Slow pop music playing softly over speakers) 1697 01:14:24,875 --> 01:14:27,082 Hey, Monica, you came. 1698 01:14:27,083 --> 01:14:28,333 Robin. 1699 01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:31,415 You look great. 1700 01:14:31,416 --> 01:14:32,666 Thank you. 1701 01:14:32,875 --> 01:14:33,957 As usual. (Chuckles) 1702 01:14:33,958 --> 01:14:35,083 So do you. 1703 01:14:35,500 --> 01:14:37,582 Your hair is really long. 1704 01:14:37,583 --> 01:14:39,791 Oh, thanks, it's extensions. 1705 01:14:40,291 --> 01:14:43,290 Well, some of it's mine, the rest is, like... horse. 1706 01:14:45,541 --> 01:14:46,916 (Sighs) Never mind. 1707 01:14:49,458 --> 01:14:53,041 Weren't you like vice president of our class or some shit? 1708 01:14:53,666 --> 01:14:54,958 How dare you? 1709 01:14:56,083 --> 01:14:58,707 - I was president, obviously, God. - Oh. Sorry. 1710 01:14:58,708 --> 01:15:00,791 - Sorry, Madam President. - (Chuckles) Thank you. 1711 01:15:03,750 --> 01:15:05,707 - (Sighs) Oh, my God. - What did you order? 1712 01:15:05,708 --> 01:15:07,291 Literally a whiskey. 1713 01:15:07,791 --> 01:15:09,957 The brown-- the brown one. 1714 01:15:09,958 --> 01:15:11,915 I'm sorry, I shouldn't have hired him. 1715 01:15:11,916 --> 01:15:13,832 He's my neighbor's son. He's down on his luck. 1716 01:15:13,833 --> 01:15:15,208 I was trying to help him out. 1717 01:15:16,958 --> 01:15:19,040 - You know what's the saddest part? - Hm? 1718 01:15:19,041 --> 01:15:21,291 He still wants to be an astronaut. 1719 01:15:22,166 --> 01:15:23,541 So, what do you do? 1720 01:15:24,541 --> 01:15:25,666 I'm... 1721 01:15:27,666 --> 01:15:29,791 I'm a stripper at Diamond Dolls. 1722 01:15:30,750 --> 01:15:31,875 Oh. 1723 01:15:32,875 --> 01:15:34,041 Huh. 1724 01:15:35,500 --> 01:15:37,165 I think I might actually head out, 1725 01:15:37,166 --> 01:15:38,582 but it was good to see you, Robin. 1726 01:15:38,583 --> 01:15:41,625 Wait, you-- you didn't ask me what I do. 1727 01:15:42,541 --> 01:15:43,791 Okay. What do you do? 1728 01:15:44,166 --> 01:15:45,166 I'm a realtor... 1729 01:15:46,750 --> 01:15:49,000 who hasn't sold a house in three years, so... 1730 01:15:50,541 --> 01:15:53,249 I guess I plan high school reunions now, 1731 01:15:53,250 --> 01:15:54,749 which is super lame. 1732 01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:55,833 (Chuckles) 1733 01:15:56,250 --> 01:15:58,958 Also, my husband's cheating on me, so that's fun. 1734 01:16:00,583 --> 01:16:02,250 I'm sorry, I needed that. 1735 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:04,165 - Two more. - Great. 1736 01:16:04,166 --> 01:16:05,957 - Just-- I'll watch you while-- - And another glass. 1737 01:16:05,958 --> 01:16:08,125 Another. Yep. 1738 01:16:08,625 --> 01:16:09,624 That's what two is. 1739 01:16:09,625 --> 01:16:12,540 - (People whooping) - Wait, so how'd he find out? 1740 01:16:12,541 --> 01:16:14,540 Well, I mean, he-- he knew that something was up 1741 01:16:14,541 --> 01:16:16,915 when he found me measuring the levels of the liquor bottle, so... 1742 01:16:16,916 --> 01:16:19,249 - Oh, no. - Yeah. 1743 01:16:19,250 --> 01:16:21,958 (Pop music playing on speakers) 1744 01:16:23,041 --> 01:16:25,832 (Loud indistinct chatter) 1745 01:16:25,833 --> 01:16:27,583 Uh, you look really pretty. 1746 01:16:28,500 --> 01:16:29,707 Thrifty? 1747 01:16:29,708 --> 01:16:30,915 (Laughing) Yeah. 1748 01:16:30,916 --> 01:16:33,540 Yeah, you look like you-- really careful with your spending habits. 1749 01:16:33,541 --> 01:16:35,040 (Shouting) It's really hard to hear you. 1750 01:16:35,041 --> 01:16:36,875 - Do you wanna go somewhere where we-- - Yeah. 1751 01:16:38,041 --> 01:16:39,790 Oh. Okay. 1752 01:16:39,791 --> 01:16:42,250 - (Pop music continues) - (Loud chatter continues) 1753 01:16:44,833 --> 01:16:47,290 It wasn't supposed to be like this. 1754 01:16:47,291 --> 01:16:49,458 At least in my head, it wasn't. Like... 1755 01:16:50,041 --> 01:16:52,832 I was supposed to be better than you. 1756 01:16:52,833 --> 01:16:55,540 - (Chuckles) No offense. - Please. 1757 01:16:55,541 --> 01:16:58,082 I had this fantasy that I was gonna show up here 1758 01:16:58,083 --> 01:17:00,665 and like, buy everybody a round of drinks. 1759 01:17:00,666 --> 01:17:03,499 Like-- like, people were gonna be impressed by that or something. 1760 01:17:03,500 --> 01:17:06,124 Well, you should do it. Dude, I'd be impressed. 1761 01:17:06,125 --> 01:17:08,332 I've only seen that, what, in, like, the movies. 1762 01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:09,957 Well, it's an open bar, so... 1763 01:17:09,958 --> 01:17:11,750 And besides, he would take forever. 1764 01:17:12,250 --> 01:17:13,750 Well, he's got the moon on his brain. 1765 01:17:14,250 --> 01:17:15,500 That's true. (Chuckles) 1766 01:17:16,583 --> 01:17:18,082 Anyway, it's not even really my money. 1767 01:17:18,083 --> 01:17:21,541 It's my stupid, cheating, rich husband's money. 1768 01:17:22,291 --> 01:17:23,666 How do you know he's cheating? 1769 01:17:25,000 --> 01:17:27,958 He comes home late, like almost every night. 1770 01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,499 And he smells like vanilla. 1771 01:17:29,500 --> 01:17:31,082 - Mm. - And I fucking hate vanilla. 1772 01:17:31,083 --> 01:17:32,707 And then I ask him and he says he was working. 1773 01:17:32,708 --> 01:17:34,790 Like, where are you working, fucking Cinnabon? 1774 01:17:34,791 --> 01:17:35,915 (Chuckles) 1775 01:17:35,916 --> 01:17:38,124 Anyway, all I'm saying is that none of us 1776 01:17:38,125 --> 01:17:40,000 are where we thought we would be. 1777 01:17:41,666 --> 01:17:43,832 Do you wanna know the weirdest part? 1778 01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,582 I'm a loser at my own reunion. 1779 01:17:45,583 --> 01:17:46,707 I'm not getting the club. 1780 01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,833 I'm, like, fucking broke. 1781 01:17:50,125 --> 01:17:53,124 (Sighs) And the thing I can't stop thinking about is Abby. 1782 01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:55,082 Well, that's because you can still do something 1783 01:17:55,083 --> 01:17:56,416 about that situation. 1784 01:17:57,041 --> 01:17:58,207 Okay, what do you mean? 1785 01:17:58,208 --> 01:18:00,915 You told her that she was not ready for sex? 1786 01:18:00,916 --> 01:18:04,457 Sixty-nine, actually. Different. 1787 01:18:04,458 --> 01:18:07,790 It's not technically sex, although it's... wet. 1788 01:18:07,791 --> 01:18:10,332 Look, every girl has the right 1789 01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:12,625 to choose for themselves when they're ready. 1790 01:18:13,625 --> 01:18:14,749 It's their choice. 1791 01:18:14,750 --> 01:18:17,125 - (Dance music softly playing) - (People chattering) 1792 01:18:18,333 --> 01:18:19,790 I messed up, huh? 1793 01:18:19,791 --> 01:18:21,499 You may not be able to get everything right, 1794 01:18:21,500 --> 01:18:24,750 but you can tell a good friend when you're wrong. 1795 01:18:25,875 --> 01:18:29,708 Wow. Robin, you're a genius. 1796 01:18:30,375 --> 01:18:33,082 I can't be that smart, I married that fuckin' idiot. 1797 01:18:33,083 --> 01:18:34,624 Whoo! 1798 01:18:34,625 --> 01:18:37,166 (Dance music playing) 1799 01:18:40,833 --> 01:18:41,916 Bye. (Kisses) 1800 01:18:42,416 --> 01:18:43,583 Bye. 1801 01:18:47,208 --> 01:18:49,207 (Max) Holy shit, what a setup. 1802 01:18:49,208 --> 01:18:51,082 Oh, yeah, it's nothing. 1803 01:18:51,083 --> 01:18:53,332 - (Distant pop music playing) - (Distant party chatter) 1804 01:18:53,333 --> 01:18:54,874 You play Dead? 1805 01:18:54,875 --> 01:18:56,124 It's like my favorite game. 1806 01:18:56,125 --> 01:18:58,000 Really? Me too. 1807 01:18:58,666 --> 01:18:59,957 Sick. 1808 01:18:59,958 --> 01:19:02,666 (Muffled pop music playing) 1809 01:19:27,291 --> 01:19:29,582 - So this is your room, huh? - (Abby laughs) 1810 01:19:29,583 --> 01:19:31,165 Yep. 1811 01:19:31,166 --> 01:19:32,833 (Laughing) Oh, geez. 1812 01:19:34,500 --> 01:19:36,582 God, these are so stupid. 1813 01:19:52,583 --> 01:19:53,915 Wait. I can't do this. 1814 01:19:53,916 --> 01:19:55,583 Oh, okay, yeah. 1815 01:19:56,375 --> 01:19:58,500 Um, I'm-- I'm sorry, I can't. 1816 01:19:59,083 --> 01:20:00,083 (Sighs) 1817 01:20:00,791 --> 01:20:02,458 I can't 69 you. 1818 01:20:03,000 --> 01:20:05,665 I'm sorry, I-- I want to, I do. 1819 01:20:05,666 --> 01:20:07,749 I just, I c-- I can't. 1820 01:20:07,750 --> 01:20:09,332 Sorry, did you say 69? 1821 01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:11,249 Yeah, I know it's your favorite position. 1822 01:20:11,250 --> 01:20:13,999 I just, I... I'm not ready. 1823 01:20:14,000 --> 01:20:18,374 I am physically ready because I studied so, so, so hard for it. 1824 01:20:18,375 --> 01:20:24,250 But I-- Oh, I'm just not emotionally or mentally ready. 1825 01:20:24,666 --> 01:20:26,499 Abby... (Stammering) what are you talking about? 1826 01:20:26,500 --> 01:20:28,625 I've never 69'd before. 1827 01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:30,958 Huh? 1828 01:20:32,083 --> 01:20:34,250 But Bernie said you love to 69. 1829 01:20:35,458 --> 01:20:36,583 Bernie said? 1830 01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:39,041 The mascot. 1831 01:20:40,166 --> 01:20:41,166 Why would... 1832 01:20:42,541 --> 01:20:46,041 Oh, no. No, I love number 69. Jared Allen. 1833 01:20:46,541 --> 01:20:48,082 He played for the Minnesota Vikings. 1834 01:20:48,083 --> 01:20:49,499 My dad went to Idaho State with him, 1835 01:20:49,500 --> 01:20:51,250 so we got to go to his house once. 1836 01:20:51,583 --> 01:20:53,790 It was actually really dope. He has two pools. Why does-- 1837 01:20:53,791 --> 01:20:56,125 Are you fucking kidding me? I hired a stripper to... 1838 01:20:59,333 --> 01:21:00,625 Never mind. 1839 01:21:01,750 --> 01:21:04,499 Wait, but you've been with Mercedes for like your whole life. 1840 01:21:04,500 --> 01:21:08,083 Yeah, Mercedes is like super into J-dawg. 1841 01:21:09,041 --> 01:21:10,041 Jesus. 1842 01:21:10,833 --> 01:21:12,875 She's saving herself for marriage. 1843 01:21:16,708 --> 01:21:18,207 (Abby) How could I have missed it? 1844 01:21:18,208 --> 01:21:20,875 I'm Mercedes, I'm your girlfriend. 1845 01:21:22,791 --> 01:21:25,249 I guess... Abby. 1846 01:21:27,708 --> 01:21:28,958 (Sobbing) 1847 01:21:31,083 --> 01:21:34,499 (Abby) Mercedes was a virgin, which meant that Max... 1848 01:21:34,500 --> 01:21:36,124 - (Music stops abruptly) - You're a... 1849 01:21:36,125 --> 01:21:38,208 - (Muffled pop music playing) - (Muffled party chatter) 1850 01:21:39,666 --> 01:21:40,833 Me too. 1851 01:21:42,791 --> 01:21:44,332 - Really? - (Abby chuckles) 1852 01:21:44,333 --> 01:21:45,833 You think I've had sex? 1853 01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,083 I don't know, I mean, 1854 01:21:48,666 --> 01:21:50,500 I didn't even know if you'd be into me. 1855 01:21:51,250 --> 01:21:52,250 (Abby scoffs) 1856 01:21:54,708 --> 01:21:56,915 (Mouths) Oh, my God! 1857 01:21:56,916 --> 01:21:59,082 Wait, what were you saying about hiring a stripper? 1858 01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:02,124 Oh, well, she's-- she's actually my friend. 1859 01:22:02,125 --> 01:22:04,332 Well, she was my friend. 1860 01:22:04,333 --> 01:22:05,750 What happened? 1861 01:22:06,750 --> 01:22:07,916 I screwed up. 1862 01:22:08,625 --> 01:22:12,500 I owe her big and I don't really know how to repay her. 1863 01:22:12,750 --> 01:22:13,999 I'm sure you'll think of something. 1864 01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:15,665 No, I-- I don't know. 1865 01:22:15,666 --> 01:22:18,165 I don't know what I can do to fix this. 1866 01:22:18,166 --> 01:22:19,500 I lied to her. 1867 01:22:21,625 --> 01:22:23,250 I mean, I kinda lied to you. 1868 01:22:23,791 --> 01:22:26,040 (Scoffs) What? What do you mean? 1869 01:22:26,041 --> 01:22:27,916 I knew you played Wild Wild Dead. 1870 01:22:28,708 --> 01:22:30,041 I follow you on Glitch. (Chuckles) 1871 01:22:31,375 --> 01:22:33,374 What? How-- 1872 01:22:33,375 --> 01:22:35,790 Wait, how'd you know it was me? 1873 01:22:35,791 --> 01:22:38,207 Well, between your username Abby-Cadaver 1874 01:22:38,208 --> 01:22:42,290 and this beautiful head of curls you have... (Chuckles) 1875 01:22:42,291 --> 01:22:43,957 ...it was pretty easy. 1876 01:22:43,958 --> 01:22:45,625 Wow. 1877 01:22:46,708 --> 01:22:50,540 Wow. Max Warren follows me on Glitch. 1878 01:22:50,541 --> 01:22:52,790 Max Guilford Warren sure does. 1879 01:22:52,791 --> 01:22:54,207 - Guilford? - Guilford. 1880 01:22:54,208 --> 01:22:57,041 But you know, I guess you could say that I'm a follower. 1881 01:22:59,000 --> 01:23:00,874 But like-- like, not in a way it would be weird 1882 01:23:00,875 --> 01:23:03,415 if we, like, kissed or anything. 1883 01:23:03,416 --> 01:23:06,458 (Both chuckle) 1884 01:23:11,541 --> 01:23:13,208 - Oh, my God, that's it. - What? 1885 01:23:13,875 --> 01:23:15,665 I'm so sorry, I have to go. 1886 01:23:15,666 --> 01:23:17,374 (Kiss smacks) Thank you. 1887 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:23,916 (People chattering loudly) 1888 01:23:27,166 --> 01:23:28,499 (Shouting) Listen up! 1889 01:23:28,500 --> 01:23:30,833 - (Chatter stops) - Who here is 18? 1890 01:23:31,750 --> 01:23:33,416 (Air horn blows) 1891 01:23:34,875 --> 01:23:36,875 (People chattering) 1892 01:23:38,958 --> 01:23:40,041 Ugh. 1893 01:23:44,666 --> 01:23:46,499 Bro, I've never done LSD. 1894 01:23:46,500 --> 01:23:49,165 Yeah, you're sure this is good quality? 1895 01:23:49,166 --> 01:23:51,000 (Nurse Appleman) This shit is vintage. 1896 01:23:51,833 --> 01:23:53,750 Have a good trip, fellow travelers. 1897 01:23:55,708 --> 01:23:56,833 (Santa Monica) Hello? 1898 01:23:58,458 --> 01:23:59,458 Abby? 1899 01:24:00,250 --> 01:24:01,832 (Student) I feel like it's kicking in already. 1900 01:24:01,833 --> 01:24:03,082 Hey, Abby. 1901 01:24:03,083 --> 01:24:05,000 (Nurse Appleman) Man, it doesn't work like that. 1902 01:24:07,083 --> 01:24:09,040 Hey, you're Max, right? 1903 01:24:09,041 --> 01:24:10,499 Oh, crap, you're a cop, aren't you? 1904 01:24:10,500 --> 01:24:13,165 What? Wait. Do I look like a cop? 1905 01:24:13,166 --> 01:24:15,749 Uh, yeah, I mean, you look professional and crap, so... 1906 01:24:15,750 --> 01:24:17,749 Okay. (Sighs) Where's Abby? 1907 01:24:17,750 --> 01:24:20,790 She said she had to do something to get her stripper friend back or something. 1908 01:24:20,791 --> 01:24:22,166 She took most of the party with her. 1909 01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:23,915 Why didn't you go? 1910 01:24:23,916 --> 01:24:25,499 Uh, she only took people who are 18. 1911 01:24:25,500 --> 01:24:26,791 I'm 17, ma'am. 1912 01:24:27,916 --> 01:24:29,415 - Okay, thanks. - (Max) Yeah. 1913 01:24:29,416 --> 01:24:31,291 Wait, did you and her... 1914 01:24:31,750 --> 01:24:33,125 like... (Mumbling) 1915 01:24:33,833 --> 01:24:35,040 Sixty-nine. Did you sixty-nine? 1916 01:24:35,041 --> 01:24:36,749 Oh, uh, no, no. No, ma'am. 1917 01:24:36,750 --> 01:24:38,707 Uh, we-- we didn't even kiss. 1918 01:24:38,708 --> 01:24:41,749 (Sighs) Why? You're too good for her, Abercrombie & bitch? 1919 01:24:41,750 --> 01:24:42,832 What's wrong with you? 1920 01:24:42,833 --> 01:24:46,665 She's like fuckin' pretty and you're like Tanathee Chalamet. 1921 01:24:46,666 --> 01:24:50,374 Uh, ma'am, I promise you I am very into her, s-so, yeah... 1922 01:24:50,375 --> 01:24:51,457 Good boy. 1923 01:24:51,458 --> 01:24:53,000 She also said she wasn't ready yet. 1924 01:24:54,500 --> 01:24:55,583 Good girl. 1925 01:24:56,291 --> 01:24:57,582 And you gotta stop calling me ma'am. 1926 01:24:57,583 --> 01:24:59,541 I, like, just got health insurance. 1927 01:25:00,083 --> 01:25:01,291 (Max) Oh. (Clears throat) 1928 01:25:01,916 --> 01:25:02,958 (Sighs) 1929 01:25:08,083 --> 01:25:11,749 I always knew how I wanted my first sexual experience to play out. 1930 01:25:11,750 --> 01:25:12,915 (Person clearing throat) 1931 01:25:12,916 --> 01:25:16,916 I'd be effortlessly cool, irresistible. 1932 01:25:18,333 --> 01:25:20,665 I'd have all the right moves. 1933 01:25:20,666 --> 01:25:23,540 And no matter how or where it happened, it would be-- 1934 01:25:23,541 --> 01:25:25,500 I'm so bored! 1935 01:25:25,958 --> 01:25:27,958 (Engine revving) 1936 01:25:34,875 --> 01:25:36,832 All this to say, 1937 01:25:36,833 --> 01:25:39,000 I screwed over my friends to get a guy. 1938 01:25:39,625 --> 01:25:41,207 A great, great guy. 1939 01:25:41,208 --> 01:25:45,041 But a guy, who turns out already likes me. 1940 01:25:46,291 --> 01:25:49,874 The point is, I shouldn't have lied to Santa Monica. 1941 01:25:49,875 --> 01:25:52,665 - Show us your boobs! - Shut the fuck up, asshole. 1942 01:25:52,666 --> 01:25:54,665 (DJ Don) Yeah, show us your dick, meathead. 1943 01:25:54,666 --> 01:25:56,082 How do you like it? 1944 01:25:56,083 --> 01:25:57,832 I'm a minor, so... 1945 01:25:57,833 --> 01:25:59,375 Then don't show us your dick. 1946 01:26:00,916 --> 01:26:02,540 Okay, everybody, I need your help. 1947 01:26:02,541 --> 01:26:03,958 I owe her a lot of money. 1948 01:26:04,791 --> 01:26:06,041 Twenty grand, actually. 1949 01:26:06,583 --> 01:26:08,916 Yeah, I know, it's a lot-- it's a lot of money. 1950 01:26:09,875 --> 01:26:11,665 And I just told you a lot about myself 1951 01:26:11,666 --> 01:26:16,125 and that was terrifying, but also weirdly liberating. 1952 01:26:16,625 --> 01:26:20,250 Anyway, I want to make things right. 1953 01:26:21,333 --> 01:26:22,708 We're still live, right? 1954 01:26:23,208 --> 01:26:24,333 Oh, yeah. 1955 01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:29,707 Um, I would like to thank, uh, Destiny, Angel, and Betty 1956 01:26:29,708 --> 01:26:31,832 - for helping me pull this off. - (Betty) Aw. 1957 01:26:31,833 --> 01:26:33,457 - (Abby) I couldn't have done this... - What? 1958 01:26:33,458 --> 01:26:34,915 - (Abby) ...without you, and... - Nothing. 1959 01:26:34,916 --> 01:26:36,499 - I don't give a shit. - Okay. 1960 01:26:36,500 --> 01:26:39,665 So, to all my subscribers online, 1961 01:26:39,666 --> 01:26:44,415 the class of 2025, and all you Diamond Dolls regulars, 1962 01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:51,166 I invite you to open your hearts and your wallets. 1963 01:26:52,875 --> 01:26:55,665 Ladies and gentlemen and high school children, 1964 01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:57,999 please give a warm Diamond Dolls welcome 1965 01:26:58,000 --> 01:27:01,874 to a young lady who is a diamond in her own right. 1966 01:27:01,875 --> 01:27:04,665 Someone who has blossomed in the time that we've known her-- 1967 01:27:04,666 --> 01:27:05,916 Don, wrap it up. 1968 01:27:06,416 --> 01:27:07,416 Welcome Abby Flores! 1969 01:27:08,333 --> 01:27:11,790 (Cheering and whooping) 1970 01:27:11,791 --> 01:27:13,749 ("Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger playing) 1971 01:27:13,750 --> 01:27:15,208 (Cheering grows louder) 1972 01:27:17,333 --> 01:27:20,708 ♪ Just take those old records off the shelf ♪ 1973 01:27:21,333 --> 01:27:22,790 ♪ I'll sit and listen to 'em by myself ♪ 1974 01:27:22,791 --> 01:27:24,750 Oh my God, those legs! 1975 01:27:25,416 --> 01:27:29,207 - ♪ Today's music ain't got the same soul ♪ - (DJ Don) Come on, Abby! 1976 01:27:29,208 --> 01:27:32,375 ♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1977 01:27:32,916 --> 01:27:35,958 ♪ Don't try to take me to a disco ♪ 1978 01:27:36,791 --> 01:27:40,041 ♪ You'll never even get me out on the floor ♪ 1979 01:27:41,041 --> 01:27:43,875 ♪ In ten minutes I'll be late for the door ♪ 1980 01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,249 ♪ I like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1981 01:27:46,250 --> 01:27:47,624 - Oh, no. - Oh, she's stuck. She's stuck. 1982 01:27:47,625 --> 01:27:49,124 She looks like a rotisserie chicken. 1983 01:27:49,125 --> 01:27:51,457 ♪ That old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1984 01:27:51,458 --> 01:27:52,832 - (Metal clangs) - (Crowd) Oh! 1985 01:27:52,833 --> 01:27:55,666 ♪ That kind of music just soothes the soul ♪ 1986 01:27:56,083 --> 01:27:59,124 ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪ 1987 01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:00,415 Get the fuck outta my way. 1988 01:28:00,416 --> 01:28:03,374 ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1989 01:28:03,375 --> 01:28:06,750 ♪ Oh! Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1990 01:28:07,333 --> 01:28:08,499 (Microphone squeals) 1991 01:28:08,500 --> 01:28:10,750 ♪ That kind of music just soothes the soul ♪ 1992 01:28:11,416 --> 01:28:14,916 ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪ 1993 01:28:15,416 --> 01:28:18,250 - Is she shooting her own titties? - ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1994 01:28:20,833 --> 01:28:23,290 Yeah, girl! Dance, you freak! 1995 01:28:23,291 --> 01:28:25,749 (Crowd cheering) 1996 01:28:31,375 --> 01:28:35,249 Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! 1997 01:28:35,250 --> 01:28:38,415 ♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 1998 01:28:38,416 --> 01:28:41,665 ♪ That kind of music just soothes the soul ♪ 1999 01:28:41,666 --> 01:28:45,125 - (Crowd cheering) - ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪ 2000 01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:48,082 ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 2001 01:28:48,083 --> 01:28:49,832 That's bad dancing. 2002 01:28:49,833 --> 01:28:53,125 ♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 2003 01:28:53,791 --> 01:28:56,457 ♪ That kind of music just soothes the soul ♪ 2004 01:28:56,458 --> 01:28:58,374 - You weird little freak! - Get 'em! 2005 01:28:58,375 --> 01:29:00,833 ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪ 2006 01:29:01,625 --> 01:29:05,290 - ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ - (Crowd cheering) 2007 01:29:05,291 --> 01:29:08,833 ♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 2008 01:29:09,458 --> 01:29:11,040 - ♪ That kind of music ♪ - She won the night! 2009 01:29:11,041 --> 01:29:13,082 - ♪ Just soothes the soul ♪ - That's my girl! 2010 01:29:13,083 --> 01:29:16,458 ♪ I reminisce about the days of old ♪ 2011 01:29:17,333 --> 01:29:19,666 - ♪ With that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ - Whoo! 2012 01:29:20,875 --> 01:29:24,083 ♪ Still like that old time rock 'n' roll ♪ 2013 01:29:25,750 --> 01:29:27,125 That's my girl. 2014 01:29:28,000 --> 01:29:29,290 I think I'm mad at her. 2015 01:29:29,291 --> 01:29:31,082 (Song fades out) 2016 01:29:31,083 --> 01:29:32,166 Sorry. 2017 01:29:33,250 --> 01:29:34,958 (People chattering) 2018 01:29:36,791 --> 01:29:38,540 Samuel Moros. 2019 01:29:38,541 --> 01:29:40,583 It's nice to meet you, Samuel. 2020 01:29:42,500 --> 01:29:45,207 - (Samuel Moros) Let me help you. (Laughs) - (Abby) Please do. 2021 01:29:45,208 --> 01:29:47,624 What a sweet kid to do that for ya. 2022 01:29:47,625 --> 01:29:50,457 Yeah, she's pretty great. 2023 01:29:50,458 --> 01:29:52,874 Just between us, if she wants a summer job, shut it down. 2024 01:29:52,875 --> 01:29:55,082 Yeah, she can't dance for shit. 2025 01:29:55,083 --> 01:29:59,207 (Scoffs) Oui, oui. That's French for "I agree." 2026 01:29:59,208 --> 01:30:01,374 She was atrocious. 2027 01:30:01,375 --> 01:30:04,166 Oh look, an uncircumcised Dick. 2028 01:30:04,708 --> 01:30:05,833 It's Rick! 2029 01:30:07,708 --> 01:30:09,790 And judging by that sad excuse of a talent show, 2030 01:30:09,791 --> 01:30:13,624 I'm guessing that you don't have the cash. 2031 01:30:13,625 --> 01:30:16,500 Well, don't worry, I am a good boss. 2032 01:30:17,583 --> 01:30:19,999 I really like to... 2033 01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:21,457 (Smacking) ...take care of my girls. 2034 01:30:21,458 --> 01:30:22,541 (Rick chuckling) 2035 01:30:23,375 --> 01:30:25,790 - (Patron) Oh, damn. - So do I. 2036 01:30:25,791 --> 01:30:27,999 You're gonna regret that, you stupid bitch. 2037 01:30:28,000 --> 01:30:32,833 The second I sign this paperwork, I'm gonna throw you out on your ass. 2038 01:30:33,208 --> 01:30:34,957 (Santa Monica) If we raised the 20 grand, 2039 01:30:34,958 --> 01:30:37,875 you're never stepping foot in this club again. 2040 01:30:39,333 --> 01:30:40,333 All right, Abby, where are we at? 2041 01:30:40,916 --> 01:30:42,124 Samuel? 2042 01:30:42,125 --> 01:30:45,915 In-person donations, $3,187. 2043 01:30:45,916 --> 01:30:48,458 (Crowd cheering) 2044 01:30:49,958 --> 01:30:51,707 Oh, and what's the number on Glitch? 2045 01:30:51,708 --> 01:30:54,582 Six thousand, seven hundred and twelve. 2046 01:30:54,583 --> 01:30:55,665 - Dude. - Yes! 2047 01:30:55,666 --> 01:30:57,291 (Cheering continues) 2048 01:30:58,000 --> 01:31:00,290 - (All exclaiming) - Yes! Yes! 2049 01:31:00,291 --> 01:31:02,790 Oh, and, uh, 3,000 yen. 2050 01:31:02,791 --> 01:31:03,874 Oh! 2051 01:31:03,875 --> 01:31:05,374 (Cheering and applause) 2052 01:31:05,375 --> 01:31:08,207 - Wait. No, no. That's like 20 bucks. - Oh. 2053 01:31:08,208 --> 01:31:10,290 - (Crowd) Ohh. - (Samuel) Yeah. 2054 01:31:10,291 --> 01:31:12,999 Oh, wait, what about that $5,000 deposit you gave Betty? 2055 01:31:13,000 --> 01:31:14,374 Oh, yeah. 2056 01:31:14,375 --> 01:31:16,082 (Crowd cheering) 2057 01:31:16,083 --> 01:31:18,375 Oh, and how much did we raise at the door? 2058 01:31:19,458 --> 01:31:21,915 I have a fear of public speaking. 2059 01:31:21,916 --> 01:31:22,999 Come on, Dave. Dave. 2060 01:31:23,000 --> 01:31:24,124 - Dave! - Dave! 2061 01:31:24,125 --> 01:31:25,540 Around 800 at the door. 2062 01:31:25,541 --> 01:31:28,082 - (People clapping) - (Betty) That's pretty good. 2063 01:31:28,083 --> 01:31:30,290 So, how much is that then? 2064 01:31:30,291 --> 01:31:33,749 Siri, find calculator app. 2065 01:31:33,750 --> 01:31:36,415 (People murmuring) 2066 01:31:36,416 --> 01:31:39,583 Anybody know what the first one she said was? 2067 01:31:40,291 --> 01:31:41,707 It's not enough. 2068 01:31:41,708 --> 01:31:44,082 If you carry-- if you car-- if you carry the four... 2069 01:31:44,083 --> 01:31:45,332 Not enough. 2070 01:31:45,333 --> 01:31:46,915 (Angel) Shut up. If you carry the four... 2071 01:31:46,916 --> 01:31:48,290 Still counting? It's not enough. 2072 01:31:48,291 --> 01:31:49,624 (Murmuring continues) 2073 01:31:49,625 --> 01:31:52,125 (Laughing) They did it! 2074 01:31:53,500 --> 01:31:55,540 Twenty thousand dollars! 2075 01:31:55,541 --> 01:31:56,665 - (Crowd cheering) - Yes! 2076 01:31:56,666 --> 01:31:58,457 (Upbeat music playing) 2077 01:31:58,458 --> 01:31:59,999 What? 2078 01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:02,832 - (Cheering continues) - Really? 2079 01:32:02,833 --> 01:32:05,082 - What? Yes! - What? What? 2080 01:32:05,083 --> 01:32:07,374 - Wait, wait. - (Music stops) 2081 01:32:07,375 --> 01:32:09,332 No, they're 4,300 short. 2082 01:32:09,333 --> 01:32:11,082 - (Patron) Oh, man. - (Crowd) Aw! 2083 01:32:11,083 --> 01:32:12,540 For fuck's sake. 2084 01:32:12,541 --> 01:32:13,832 (DJ Don) What the fuck, Gary? 2085 01:32:13,833 --> 01:32:14,916 (Crowd chattering) 2086 01:32:15,833 --> 01:32:17,708 - (Rick laughing) - Don't worry, Abby. 2087 01:32:18,583 --> 01:32:19,582 It's okay. 2088 01:32:19,583 --> 01:32:24,166 Well, Betty, let's go sign the paperwork in my new office. 2089 01:32:25,083 --> 01:32:27,541 Ladies. Arigatou. 2090 01:32:31,541 --> 01:32:33,208 Girls, I'm so sorry. 2091 01:32:34,541 --> 01:32:37,291 - I wish I could do somethin'. (Whimpers) - (Rick) Chop, chop, Spaghetti. 2092 01:32:39,333 --> 01:32:40,332 (Sighs) 2093 01:32:40,333 --> 01:32:42,083 - (Speaker) Maybe I can help. - Oh. 2094 01:32:43,125 --> 01:32:44,416 Oh, where did it come from? 2095 01:32:46,333 --> 01:32:47,957 Robin, what are you doing here? 2096 01:32:47,958 --> 01:32:52,332 Well, apparently my husband frequents this place. 2097 01:32:52,333 --> 01:32:53,875 Isn't that right? 2098 01:32:55,416 --> 01:32:57,457 So, I thought he could invest in a place 2099 01:32:57,458 --> 01:32:59,249 he cares about so much, don't you think? 2100 01:32:59,250 --> 01:33:02,665 And if it helps a friend out of a bind 2101 01:33:02,666 --> 01:33:04,916 while spending some of his money, then it's a win-win. 2102 01:33:05,833 --> 01:33:08,249 - Are you serious? - Yeah, he sucks. 2103 01:33:08,250 --> 01:33:11,291 Plus, don't question a presidential decision. 2104 01:33:12,625 --> 01:33:13,874 - (Robin chuckles) - We got it! 2105 01:33:13,875 --> 01:33:15,124 (Crowd cheering) 2106 01:33:15,125 --> 01:33:17,290 - (Whooping) - (Upbeat music playing) 2107 01:33:17,291 --> 01:33:19,415 No, stop! Stop! Shut up! 2108 01:33:19,416 --> 01:33:20,915 - Shut the hell up! - (Music stops) 2109 01:33:20,916 --> 01:33:22,000 I'm done with this! 2110 01:33:23,125 --> 01:33:26,540 Okay, I am done with Magic Mike's awkward niece. 2111 01:33:26,541 --> 01:33:27,750 You're a terrible dancer! 2112 01:33:28,833 --> 01:33:30,790 I'm done with the Witches of Eastwick. 2113 01:33:30,791 --> 01:33:33,624 I'm done with... whoever the hell you are. 2114 01:33:33,625 --> 01:33:36,290 - I'm Robin. - (Rick, mockingly) You're Robin? 2115 01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:38,124 - Yeah. - All right, it's over! 2116 01:33:38,125 --> 01:33:39,582 The club is mine! 2117 01:33:39,583 --> 01:33:44,290 Betty, it is time to hand the club over to me, right now! 2118 01:33:44,291 --> 01:33:46,832 You decaying excuse of a dancer. 2119 01:33:46,833 --> 01:33:49,666 Don't you ever... 2120 01:33:50,375 --> 01:33:52,791 ever call me a dancer! 2121 01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:58,124 I am Betty Spaghetti, and I'm a goddamned stripper. 2122 01:33:58,125 --> 01:33:59,624 - (Fist thumps) - (Crowd) Ohh! 2123 01:33:59,625 --> 01:34:01,332 - Spaghetti! - Ooh! 2124 01:34:01,333 --> 01:34:02,625 - (Cheering and applause) - Yes! 2125 01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:06,583 Yes! 2126 01:34:09,166 --> 01:34:11,332 Should I have the bouncer throw him out on his ass? 2127 01:34:11,333 --> 01:34:12,416 Your call, boss. 2128 01:34:13,416 --> 01:34:15,125 (In unison) Boss lady. 2129 01:34:16,708 --> 01:34:19,165 - Let's go, numb nuts. - (Crowd) Oh! 2130 01:34:19,166 --> 01:34:20,540 (Upbeat music playing) 2131 01:34:20,541 --> 01:34:23,290 Hey! Watch the suit, danke schoen! 2132 01:34:23,291 --> 01:34:24,375 (Santa Monica) Hey, Rick. 2133 01:34:25,000 --> 01:34:27,499 That's sign language for fuck you. 2134 01:34:27,500 --> 01:34:29,415 - Yeah! - (Cheering and applause) 2135 01:34:29,416 --> 01:34:32,040 Oh, hey, hey! Next round's on me! 2136 01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:34,291 (Crowd cheering) 2137 01:34:35,708 --> 01:34:37,540 If you're over 21. 2138 01:34:37,541 --> 01:34:38,624 (Students) Oh. 2139 01:34:38,625 --> 01:34:41,290 (Amplified) Bu-bu-bu-bummer. 2140 01:34:41,291 --> 01:34:43,790 - That works out in my favor. - 'Kay, just you guys, then. 2141 01:34:43,791 --> 01:34:45,916 (Betty) More for us. More for us. 2142 01:34:46,666 --> 01:34:48,874 - (Santa Monica) I'm sorry. - No, I'm sorry. 2143 01:34:48,875 --> 01:34:50,500 No, I'm sorry, Abs. I... 2144 01:34:51,625 --> 01:34:53,415 I shouldn't have said you weren't ready. 2145 01:34:53,416 --> 01:34:56,250 Thanks, but you're right, I'm not. 2146 01:34:57,583 --> 01:35:00,540 I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about the money. 2147 01:35:00,541 --> 01:35:02,124 Come on, you're a teenager, 2148 01:35:02,125 --> 01:35:04,041 and you're supposed to do stupid shit. 2149 01:35:04,916 --> 01:35:07,208 - I guess. - And speaking of, 2150 01:35:08,125 --> 01:35:09,374 how far did you get with Max? 2151 01:35:09,375 --> 01:35:11,415 Yeah, I think he likes me. 2152 01:35:11,416 --> 01:35:12,540 Well, he better. 2153 01:35:12,541 --> 01:35:14,916 But, uh, we kinda got interrupted before anything monumental. 2154 01:35:15,666 --> 01:35:19,874 You, my dear, deserve monumental. 2155 01:35:19,875 --> 01:35:21,999 ♪ We will find you ♪ 2156 01:35:22,000 --> 01:35:26,249 ♪ Acting on your best behavior ♪ 2157 01:35:26,250 --> 01:35:31,083 Well, I have a shitload of paperwork to do, thanks to you. 2158 01:35:32,375 --> 01:35:33,665 Have fun, Abby. 2159 01:35:33,666 --> 01:35:35,958 ♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪ 2160 01:35:43,333 --> 01:35:46,083 So, word on the street is you got some killer moves there. 2161 01:35:46,958 --> 01:35:50,832 I do. I'm so glad you didn't see any of it. 2162 01:35:50,833 --> 01:35:53,165 (Max) Oh. I guess I'll just have to use my imagination. 2163 01:35:53,166 --> 01:35:54,750 Mm-hmm. 2164 01:35:55,625 --> 01:35:59,166 Oh, no. No, no. How? 2165 01:35:59,750 --> 01:36:01,374 Like I said, I'm a follower. 2166 01:36:01,375 --> 01:36:04,915 - God. (Chuckles) - ♪ Most of freedom and of pleasure ♪ 2167 01:36:04,916 --> 01:36:08,332 ♪ Nothing ever lasts forever ♪ 2168 01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:10,124 I'm gonna kiss you, Cherry Worms. 2169 01:36:10,125 --> 01:36:13,207 ♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪ 2170 01:36:13,208 --> 01:36:14,332 'Kay. 2171 01:36:14,333 --> 01:36:18,290 ♪ There's a room where the light won't find you ♪ 2172 01:36:18,291 --> 01:36:20,332 - ♪ Holding hands while-- ♪ - (Max) Ow. 2173 01:36:20,333 --> 01:36:21,415 Did you just pinch my leg? 2174 01:36:21,416 --> 01:36:23,000 Sorry, I thought it was mine. 2175 01:36:23,416 --> 01:36:25,375 Yeah, no, that's-- (Laughing) That's fine. 2176 01:36:26,791 --> 01:36:30,999 ♪ So glad we've almost made it ♪ 2177 01:36:31,000 --> 01:36:34,957 ♪ So sad they had to fade it ♪ 2178 01:36:34,958 --> 01:36:40,957 ♪ Everybody wants to rule the world ♪ 2179 01:36:43,500 --> 01:36:47,249 Then, add the, uh, uh, 3800, 2180 01:36:47,250 --> 01:36:50,750 plus, uh, the 6200, 2181 01:36:51,333 --> 01:36:54,333 and that equals $20,000. 2182 01:36:55,791 --> 01:36:56,915 (Abby) Bye. 2183 01:36:56,916 --> 01:36:58,041 (Guests) Bye. 2184 01:36:58,791 --> 01:37:00,374 (Abby) You guys drive home safe, okay? 2185 01:37:00,375 --> 01:37:01,457 - 'Kay. - (Abby) 'Kay. Bye. 2186 01:37:01,458 --> 01:37:02,624 (Santa Monica) Okay, responsible. 2187 01:37:02,625 --> 01:37:03,791 - (Abby) Yeah. - (Both laughing) 2188 01:37:04,750 --> 01:37:06,540 Thanks for getting me my first kiss. 2189 01:37:06,541 --> 01:37:08,416 - Thanks for saving the club. - Yeah. 2190 01:37:09,041 --> 01:37:12,332 Hey, we hooked each other up with exactly what we desired. 2191 01:37:12,333 --> 01:37:13,540 Yeah. 2192 01:37:13,541 --> 01:37:15,915 So, in a non-sexual way, 2193 01:37:15,916 --> 01:37:18,082 we kind of metaphorically 69'd. 2194 01:37:18,083 --> 01:37:19,915 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 2195 01:37:19,916 --> 01:37:22,250 Honestly, best 69 I've ever had. 2196 01:37:22,875 --> 01:37:24,374 - Really? - No. 2197 01:37:24,375 --> 01:37:27,207 Real thing's actually really hot. Or is it? 2198 01:37:27,208 --> 01:37:29,582 I don't know, there's a lot of stuff in your face. 2199 01:37:29,583 --> 01:37:31,249 (Yelling) What in the hell?! 2200 01:37:31,250 --> 01:37:33,415 - (Music stops playing) - Oh, shit. 2201 01:37:33,416 --> 01:37:36,083 - I'm assuming those are your parents. - (Margaret, gasping) Oh! 2202 01:37:36,583 --> 01:37:37,750 Who are you?! 2203 01:37:38,708 --> 01:37:40,040 S-- Santa Monica, ma'am. 2204 01:37:40,041 --> 01:37:42,208 Hey, Mrs. Flores! 2205 01:37:42,708 --> 01:37:43,750 Lily Rose? 2206 01:37:44,916 --> 01:37:46,040 (Gags and retches) 2207 01:37:46,041 --> 01:37:47,290 (Both) Ohh! 2208 01:37:47,291 --> 01:37:49,125 Oh, dear God. 2209 01:37:49,833 --> 01:37:51,332 (Laughing) 2210 01:37:51,333 --> 01:37:52,625 You just puked. 2211 01:37:54,041 --> 01:37:55,832 (Ron) What have you done, Abigail? 2212 01:37:55,833 --> 01:37:58,083 What do you have to say for yourself?! 2213 01:37:59,541 --> 01:38:01,541 (Birds chirping) 2214 01:38:02,875 --> 01:38:04,125 I made a friend. 2215 01:38:05,250 --> 01:38:07,416 ("Seaside" by Pop Noir playing) 2216 01:38:20,333 --> 01:38:26,333 ♪ I look out on horizons ♪ 2217 01:38:27,708 --> 01:38:32,541 ♪ Always outward from the beach ♪ 2218 01:38:35,083 --> 01:38:41,083 ♪ And you bury me in mounds of sand ♪ 2219 01:38:42,416 --> 01:38:48,125 ♪ Well does the moon rise in the East ♪ 2220 01:38:50,375 --> 01:38:53,707 ♪ So, take it quiet and take it quick ♪ 2221 01:38:53,708 --> 01:38:57,915 ♪ Or just hide amongst the sheets ♪ 2222 01:38:57,916 --> 01:39:01,207 ♪ You make me nervous, I must admit ♪ 2223 01:39:01,208 --> 01:39:04,916 ♪ That emotion is just beyond our reach ♪ 2224 01:39:05,875 --> 01:39:10,875 ♪ I visit the seaside ♪ 2225 01:39:12,916 --> 01:39:17,332 ♪ I'm standing on the beach ♪ 2226 01:39:17,333 --> 01:39:20,332 ♪ The beach, the beach, the beach ♪ 2227 01:39:20,333 --> 01:39:26,041 ♪ I'm coasting in the shallows ♪ 2228 01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:33,416 ♪ I sing when things get deep ♪ 2229 01:39:35,708 --> 01:39:39,124 ♪ So, take it quiet and take it quick ♪ 2230 01:39:39,125 --> 01:39:42,208 ♪ Or just hide amongst the sheets ♪ 2231 01:39:43,416 --> 01:39:46,624 ♪ You make me nervous, I must admit ♪ 2232 01:39:46,625 --> 01:39:50,333 ♪ That emotion is just beyond our reach ♪ 2233 01:39:58,708 --> 01:40:02,332 ♪ Undertow ♪ 2234 01:40:02,333 --> 01:40:05,750 ♪ Pulls me down and drags me deeper ♪ 2235 01:40:06,291 --> 01:40:09,291 ♪ I don't know ♪ 2236 01:40:09,833 --> 01:40:13,582 ♪ Is drownin' hard or is it peaceful? ♪ 2237 01:40:13,583 --> 01:40:16,874 ♪ So, take it quiet and take it quick ♪ 2238 01:40:16,875 --> 01:40:20,166 ♪ Or just hide amongst the sheets ♪ 2239 01:40:21,208 --> 01:40:24,457 ♪ You make me nervous, I must admit ♪ 2240 01:40:24,458 --> 01:40:28,707 ♪ That emotion is just beyond our reach ♪ 2241 01:40:28,708 --> 01:40:32,374 ♪ No, I can't stand it, I can't stand it ♪ 2242 01:40:32,375 --> 01:40:35,458 ♪ Just hide amongst the sheets ♪ 2243 01:40:36,291 --> 01:40:39,499 ♪ You make me nervous, I must admit ♪ 2244 01:40:39,500 --> 01:40:41,624 ♪ That I'll never really know why ♪ 2245 01:40:41,625 --> 01:40:44,791 ♪ I had to move so slow you're out of reach ♪170369

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