Original subtitles

Hey. Hey.

Hey. Jeff, guess what I just bought.

Something overpriced that we don't need.

Two tickets to Bon Jovi.

(SIGHS)

Why would you buy those?

Come on, you know I've always liked Bon J.

Let's go out, get a little crazy.

I don't know, it's crowded and loud

and when you get there it's Bon Jovi.

All right, grandpa.

Plus beers are like $11, so there's another 88 bucks.

Well, I've heard Bon Jovi's great live.

You see?

Yeah, my mom sees him all the time.

Except for last year when she had hip surger.

I think that's the first time in a while that

Bon Jovi and hip were mentioned together.

Wait, so... So what are you saying?

I'm like your mom?

Oh, no, I didn't mean that.

I mean, I do think you'll be a great mom.

What does that mean?

It's just that I think u have a lot of experience

and that you always know what to say.

You don't.

So... So what, I'm like some wise old woman?

Yeah, yeah, I think that's what she meant.

I think it's pretty cler what's going on here.

Jen is dying to see Bon Jovi.

As a gentleman, I'm goig to let her buy my ticke.

Face value.

What?

Jump on it. It's a great deal.

Fine, I'll have a much better time with her. What do you say?

Um, sure, yeah, sounds like fun.

No, fun is not the word to describe a Bon Jovi concert.

Oh, on this we agree.

Hey.

Timmy, I see you had your boss reupholstered.

Look, it's not in the normal rotaish,

but to shake up me recent funk,

pulled this out of the closet.

I think it pulled you out of the closet.

Yeah.

I wonder how long this stuff's been in here.

Let me see.

A ticket stub to Sisterd of the Traveling Pants?

Hey, spoiler alert.

The pants never travel south of the waist.

Well, here's a phone number.

That's weird.

That you scored a number wrapped in pleather?

That is weird.

No, there's no name.

Well, I don't recognizet as one of your clinics or escort services.

Yeah, that would be programmed in.

No, this has got to be some chick's number.

Call it up, see who answers.

I don't know.

Isn't it kind of disresl to call after all this ?

Plus, she might be a ho.

Here, find out who this chick is.

Oh, let her go, sir. She got away fair and square.

True, but she made the miste of leaving a paper trai.

(CHUCKLES) (SIGHS)

Now, go.

And as a reward you get a, uh, invite to a Y2K party.

♪ How many ways to say I love you?

♪ How many ways to say that I'm not sc?

♪ With you by my side There is no denying

♪ I can't wait for me and you ♪

So, now that Jen and Audrey are gone,

we can do whatever we want.

Oh, they left you two?

That's good. They were both kinda lame, dude.

Honestly, you're better.

They just went to a concert together.

Oh, well, they're great gals.

You guys are lucky.

All right, so what's the plan for tonight?

Barbecue on the roof. I've got a 36-ounce sir.

Mmm-hmm. ...a couple of baked ta.

Yes. 12 pack of brewskies.

That sounds fantastic.

It will be. What are you gonna do?

(STAMMERING) Oh, I thought that I was included in your thing.

Now that you know you're no, what are you gonna do?

Come on, deal me in.

I can rock a mean salad.

I will never find out if that's true.

Hey.

Sir, I've found your mystery woman.

Oh, nice detective work, Angela Lamesbury.

Spill the beans.

The number once belonged to a Meredith Carroll, now.

She's a podiatrist.

Oh, I love kids.

You, uh, you're thinking of a pediatrician.

Swing and a miss, mind reader.

Hey, how's she looking?

Hot enough to take a rie in the old Russ Bus?

(MIMICS BUS)

Yes, with stops at Regret-ville, Shame-town, and STD Cit.

But, no, I don't know what she looks like.

Her website didn't have a photo.

Aw, always doing half the job.

Let's be clear. None of this is my job.

All right, make an appointment to see her.

See if she's hot enough for me to pursue.

Okay, first off, there's nothing wrong with my feet.

(STOMPS TIMMY'S FOOT)

(STIFLES CRY) Yeah. That sounded painful.

You might want to get that looked at.

(HIGH-PITCHED) Uh-huh.

Go, go, go, hop out on the good one.

There you go.

All right, let me take a look at this. Does this hurt?

(HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLE)

I'll take that as a no.

Um, you know, Dr. Carro.

I told you, call me Meredith.

Of course, um, you know, Meredith,

it is rather impressive that you have

your own practice at such a young age.

Oh, well, this is my father's practice,

and I took it over when he passed away.

(GIGGLES)

I'm so sorry, that's the tickle talki.

Yeah, I assumed.

So what do you do?

Isn't it obvious?

I'm a foot model.

Although I do have grand ambitions of

transitioning into being a foot actor.

All right, well, you can put your shoes back on.

Actually, I, uh, work in real estate development for a, uh...

You know, it's not important who I work fo.

Well, there doesn't seem toe any problem with your f.

Except that they'll be carrying me out of here.

(LAUGHS)

Well, you can always mae a follow-up appointment with my receptionist.

Ah, perhaps, uh, we could do a follow-up over dinner tonight.

(LAUGHS)

Well, I... I am tempted, but I generally don't date patients.

Ah.

Well, in that case, you're fired.

Well, in that case, pick me up at 7:00.

(KNOCKS AT DOOR)

Hey.

Uh, Audrey is still getting ready.

Oh, okay. Yeah, but come on in and wa.

I gotta go take care of my meat.

Do you really have to announce that?

I'm marinating my steak.

But now that you mentio, I should wash my hands.

Oh, hey. Hey, Jeff, have you seen my red leather jacket?

Wow, look at that outfi.

I remember this party g.

Mmm-hmm.

She was up for it a lote than the one I've got n.

Yeah, that was before you formally announced

your decision to let yourself go.

Have you seen my butter spray?

It's on your nightstand.

Gross.

It's not what you think. I was eating an ear of corn in there.

All right, whatever you wanna call it.

Look, for some reason Adam looks up to you.

It would have been nice if you had included him in your barbecue.

Well, 20/20 hindsight.

You realize you still can invite him.

20/20 foresight.

WOMAN ON AUDIO TAPE: And from cobra transitn into downward dog.

I appreciate the offer, but no thanks.

What the hell are you doing?

Well, it's such a nice night,

I thought I'd do a little sunset yoga.

You knew I was using the roof to grill.

Oh, was that tonight?

I get it, you feel left out.

You made your point.

Let me have the roof to myself,

and tomorrow, I'll let you make me that salad.

Sorry, buddy, but I'm here to stay.

So, I guess you're just gona have to make other plan.

Actually, I don't think I will.

And your mating dance isn't gonna bother me.

Well...

Good, 'cause your grillg isn't gonna bother me.

WOMAN ON AUDIO TAPE: Now, let's stand into a forward bend.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Yeah!

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!

Whoo!

Yeah!

(WHISTLING)

Uh, watch the dancing, chief.

We don't need it raining in here.

Yes, we wouldn't want your n running all over the fl.

(LAUGHS)

Joke's on you, dummy.

I sprung for the clear-coat sealant.

Water just beads off.

I don't even use a towel anymore.

You're a very impressive man, sir.

So what's the deal with foot girl?

Oh, you wouldn't be interested, sir.

She's beneath you.

Oh, I'd be very interesd in her beneath me, actu.

Sir, what I meant was

she's far below your standards.

You needn't give her another moment's though.

Oh, yeah, that bad, huh?

Mmm. What is she, a dog?

A hog? A cow?

All of the above, sir.

Sounds like a mess. Might be good for you, thou.

Hmm.

I'll take that under advisement, shall I?

Now, if you've no more degrading errands for m,

I have some plans. I was hoping to cut out early.

Whoa, after I gave you half a day off for the foot thing?

God, give a guy an inch, huh?

WOMAN ON AUDIO TAPE: Now, push into the mat with your hips

and take a deep breath.

(COUGHS)

Okay.

Okay, Jeff, that's enough.

Look, it's fine, you know,

if you want to, uh, just lie there, grinding away at that mt

like it's Justin Timber.

But I'm gonna keep grilling.

I already turned the music off for you.

No, you didn't.

The boombox ate your tape.

Look, I was here first.

(MOCKING) I was here first. What are you, nine?

Besides, I had dibs.

Sorry, I'm staying.

Look, we both know how this is gonna end.

I'm the big dog.

So let's just cut to the part where I get my way.

Fine.

Great.

I'll even give you a beverage for the walk down.

I think I accidentally threw one of Aud's wine coolers in here.

Here we go.

How you like me now, big dog?

One false move and you can say goodbye to your sirloin.

Hey, look, this is between you and me.

Don't take it out on the meat.

I mean, let's just talk this out.

No, I'm done talking.

Okay, we're supposed to be friends,

but you don't invite me to hang out.

It's like...

It's like you don't respect me.

You are wearing those tiny pants.

They're yoga pants.

And they're Jen's.

All right, fine.

From now on, I do respect you.

How do I know you're not just saying that?

You do know that I'm just saying that.

Okay one more step...

One more step, and you can say goodbye to your meat.

All right, fine.

Just know that two can play this game. (UNZIPPING)

What are you doing?

Taking a hostage of my own.

You return my steak to safety,

or I'm gonna whiz all over your yoga mat.

You're bluffing.

I've had three beers and a wine cooler.

I couldn't bluff if I wanted to.

(ALL CHEER)

Yes! Ah, I never sit this close!

When Jeff buys tickets he calls the back row the front row to saving.

They certainly play a lot of songs that sound similar.

(SIGHS)

What are you doing?

You can't rock sitting down.

Come on, Audrey, don't your feet hurt?

No way.

Your straps are digging in.

I can see you bleeding.

Jen, this is Bon Jovi, okay?

He has seen a million faces, and he has rocked them .

Yours is not gonna be the first face he doesn't rock.

Come on.

Okay, you're right.

Just let me go check in with Adam,

then I'll let him rock my face.

All right, hurry back.

Oh, my God.

Ah!

Hey, honey, I'm gonna be home a lite later than I thought.

What's up with you?

Actually, I'm up on the roof.

Oh, good, so you're hanging out with Jeff?

Well, he's doing most of the hanging out.

I love this restaurant. Have you been here before?

Yes, I come here all the time.

Mmm, I really like the decor.

Mmm-hmm.

I really do think the library motif gives it...

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

What on earth are you doing here?

Oh, I put the pieces together.

Timmy, what's going on?

RUSSELL: I'll tell you what's going on.

I sent him to see if you were hot enough for me.

Congratulations, you are.

But then he lied and grabbed you for himself.

Do you know this person?

Yes. Um, Mr. Dunbar, can we please discuss this in private?

There's nothing to discuss. She's my date.

We have a long history together

and I'd like to try to remember it.

I don't know who you are.

Quiet. This doesn't concern you!

Sir, why would I facilie you dating this lovely woman

when all you do is try to score with her

and then spend the next few weeks dodging her calls?

(LAUGHING) Okay.

He doesn't know what he's talking about.

When we do it, I'll take your call.

Now scooch.

I will not.

Unlike you, I have an al connection with Meredit.

Oh, is that why you refer to her as a dog, hog, and a cow?

TIMMY: What... No, no.

Those were your words.

I merely agreed to throw him off your scen.

I'm an animal with a scent?

Ooh, yeah, you are.

Listen, I think you should leave.

You're making Maryanne very uncomfortable.

Meredith.

Of course it is.

So where are you from, Meredith?

Can we get some bread?

MAN: Thank you. Good night!

Oh, what a show!

Wow, band's aged a lot better than some of their fans.

(YAWNING)

You tired? No. Mmm-mmm.

'Cause you were yawning. No, I...

That wasn't a yawn. I was cheering.

(YAWNING CHEER) Bon Jovi!

Well, tired or not, show's over.

We get to go home!

Get to? What... Maybe you wanna go home.

Not maybe. I do.

Well, sorry, this night is far from over.

Oh, God, tell me the bas not coming back on.

No, grandma.

We are gonna go backstage and party with them.

Why are you calling everyone your grandparent?

Come on, come on, let's go.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

You know there's a clock on this.

And with each beer, I'm losing my ability to negotiate.

We'll just see what gives out first. My arm or your bladder.

And I don't need medican to control my arm.

You know, you're really showing me some stones tonight.

Yeah.

I'm getting a pretty good look at yours, too.

I admire how you're standing up to me.

You've earned my respec.

Seriously? Yep.

How do I know you're not just saying that?

Because I'm not.

And I mean it. And if yu still want it, a quarter of that steak is yours.

Thanks, man.

I do.

Ah! Oh!

No!

(SIGHS)

Well, I guess we both know what this means.

Go ahead.

(SIGHS)

I knew it was fate that you and I would end up together.

You couldn't let me have just one small victory, could you?

You're right, Timmy. This is for the best.

If she didn't want either one of us, then who needs her?

Actually, she did want one of us.

Me, she wanted me.

Yeah, who needs her?

Hmm?

All right, just leave it to me, okay?

I know how to sweet talk my way into the VIP.

I believe you, Audrey.

Please, just let me go home.

Hey, great show, huh?

Whoa, did you get to lin or were you at the gym?

(GRUNTS)

Nobody gets backstage without a pass.

Yeah, I've been a lifelong Bon Jovi fan.

I've seen him, like, 10 times.

I've always really wanted to meet him. You think...

Sorry.

Okay, look, I'm about to be a mom, okay?

I see how kids affect my friends' lives.

How many more chances am I gonna have to get crazy?

Come on, let me have this, please? Please?

You know, I wish I could.

And I can.

Hmm, I still got it.

Wow, so you guys got to party with Bon Jovi backstage?

Well, if you call watching them quietly playing backgammon

so as not to wake their kids "partying"...

What did I say, huh?

What happens backstage stays backstage.

Got it.

I mean, why did that bouncer keep thanking you?

Uh, I don't know.

That's so weird.

So did you guys have fun together?

Yeah, yeah.

Some yoga, a little grilling.

Good times.

JENNIFER: Oh. Oh, so that's where the yoga mat is.

We need to return it to Audrey.

That, uh, the... The, uh, yoga mat is, uh, Audrey's?

How about that?

Oh, you didn't sweat all over it, did you?

I did not.