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1
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:04,254
Oh. Wow,
look at this place.
2
00:00:04,254 --> 00:00:06,173
It's like being
in Paris.
3
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,091
So we agree, it sucks.
4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,385
God forbid we eat anywhere
without a pie carousel.
5
00:00:10,385 --> 00:00:13,388
Look at how the tables
are all smashed together.
6
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:14,931
As an American,
it's my right to eat
7
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:17,392
without touching knees
with some dude.
8
00:00:17,392 --> 00:00:19,352
What about your right
to remain silent?
9
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:21,354
Why don't you
exercise that one?
10
00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:23,022
Bonsoir.
11
00:00:23,022 --> 00:00:25,275
Oh. Here we go.
12
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,985
Please follow me.
13
00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:31,531
Ugh.
Oh, would you stop it?
14
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,283
You are
so not adventurous.
15
00:00:33,283 --> 00:00:33,950
Not adventurous?
16
00:00:33,950 --> 00:00:38,746
Who's dangling their junk two
inches over an open flame, uh?
17
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:45,002
Oh, look at that.
18
00:00:45,002 --> 00:00:46,254
Steve?
19
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:47,880
Hey.
Jeff, Audrey!
20
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:48,381
Oh, hey!
21
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,049
Hey, haven't seen you
since you moved
22
00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:51,801
to the midtown office.
Oh, I know.
23
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,136
Hey, is Holly
meeting you here?
24
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:54,096
No, she's not.
AUDREY: Ah.
25
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:57,515
Too bad. You know, you guys
are my one fix-up that worked.
26
00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,185
Holly and I are
getting divorced.
27
00:01:00,185 --> 00:01:01,686
Oh, I'm so sorry.
28
00:01:01,686 --> 00:01:04,021
It's not your fault.
You had no way of knowing
29
00:01:04,021 --> 00:01:05,273
Holly was a soul sucking demon
30
00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:08,276
who was gonna completely
destroy my life.
31
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:09,527
Well, what looks good?
32
00:01:09,527 --> 00:01:11,321
I just--
I can't believe it.
33
00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:13,865
I thought you two
were such a good match.
34
00:01:13,865 --> 00:01:14,366
No.
35
00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:16,951
But you know, it's...
It's not so bad, you know.
36
00:01:16,951 --> 00:01:19,121
Of course, I did have
to move out of the city.
37
00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,456
And I sold
at the exact wrong time.
38
00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:24,876
Really took it
in the shorts.
39
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,294
I'm in Jersey now.
40
00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:29,046
Hey, the Garden State!
41
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:31,633
Well, enjoy your meal.
42
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:37,430
[INHALES AND EXHALES
DEEPLY]
43
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,018
Steve,
please join us for dinner.
44
00:01:42,018 --> 00:01:45,563
Oh. But you-- You're having such
a nice meal, the two of you.
45
00:01:45,563 --> 00:01:47,482
All right, then.
46
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,401
Steve, please join us.
47
00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:52,112
Okay, well,
if you really don't mind.
48
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:53,946
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]
49
00:01:53,946 --> 00:01:58,493
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you"? ♪♪
50
00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:03,581
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪
51
00:02:03,581 --> 00:02:06,126
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪
52
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,420
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪
53
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:12,840
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪
54
00:02:15,927 --> 00:02:18,513
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
55
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,015
I can't believe you.
You're really not surprised
56
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,934
Holly and Steve
are getting divorced?
57
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:24,018
No.
Guys never are.
58
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:26,188
Russell, are you surprised?
59
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:27,314
I am not.
60
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,981
You do not even know them.
61
00:02:28,981 --> 00:02:29,649
But I know physics.
62
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,444
For every action, marriage,
there is a reaction,
63
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:33,653
rich divorce lawyer.
64
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:37,031
I guess I just prefer to look
at the glass as half full.
65
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:40,618
Well, thanks to you,
Steve's glass is half full.
66
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:43,120
Of tears.
67
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,081
What's up, Einstein?
68
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:45,748
Oh, hey, guys.
69
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:48,585
Oh, our coffee maker broke,
so I gotta get Jen a cup.
70
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,378
Aw.
That's nice of you.
71
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,713
Yeah, well, it's more
for me than her.
72
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,716
Jen gets a little cranky when
she doesn't get her caffeine.
73
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,008
Did she scratch you?
ADAM: Yeah.
74
00:02:56,008 --> 00:03:00,347
But in fairness, I was smiling
at her with my stupid face.
75
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:02,307
So what are you guys
up to today?
76
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,352
We're going to a party at our
friend Steve's in New Jersey.
77
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,103
He's having a hard time
with his divorce.
78
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:10,440
Yeah. Like us going to a party
at his sad singles complex
79
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,649
is gonna help.
RUSSELL: Hold on.
80
00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:16,571
"Sad singles complex" or
"hotbed for desperate chicks"?
81
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,072
Tell me more.
AUDREY: No.
82
00:03:18,072 --> 00:03:21,243
We're going to his party,
it's the right thing to do.
83
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,869
Now,
I have a hair appointment.
84
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,538
Look, I am the man of the house
and I, and only I,
85
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:27,999
will dictate what we do--
She's gone.
86
00:03:27,999 --> 00:03:30,167
I know.
I like to pretend.
87
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:31,753
All right. I gotta
get Jen that cup of--
88
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,631
Seriously, you're sitting
there talking?
89
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,549
Where is my coffee?
90
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:40,845
Do you think if you don't move,
she can't see you?
91
00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:44,849
It works with dinosaurs.
92
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:49,186
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
93
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,814
You know, when you told me
this was a singles party
94
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,108
I didn't know it meant
the number of people
95
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,318
that'd actually be here.
96
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,653
No one made you
come with us.
97
00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:01,783
Yeah. What's that like,
being here voluntarily?
98
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:03,910
Hey, guys. Hey!
99
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:07,247
Throw your laundry in, and
spend a cycle partying with us.
100
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,080
[CHUCKLES]
101
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,583
Oh, this'll be like
shooting fish in a barrel.
102
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,502
Lonely women
and the only competition
103
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:14,504
is pale,
doughy losers.
104
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,214
None taken.
105
00:04:17,882 --> 00:04:21,052
Hey. Okeydoke. Hi.
106
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:22,053
Who's that?
107
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:25,139
I don't know, but she dresses
kind of like a whore.
108
00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:27,975
Sold.
109
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,395
[WATER RUNNING]
110
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,400
May I buy my lady
some detergent?
111
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,234
It's a free country.
112
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:38,403
Let me guess,
you go liquid,
113
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:40,655
straight up with
a twist of softener.
114
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:41,614
How did you know?
115
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:42,907
Please,
you look like a woman
116
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:47,495
who likes her whites bright and
her colors springtime fresh.
117
00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,247
I also know my way around
a stain stick.
118
00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:54,586
Oh. I love a woman
who talks dirty laundry.
119
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,170
[METAL CLANGING]
120
00:04:58,423 --> 00:05:03,052
So... This place
is really something.
121
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:03,761
Mm-hm.
122
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,931
These aren't as good
as I remember.
123
00:05:06,931 --> 00:05:09,559
Yeah, it's pretty sweet.
124
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:10,059
[CHUCKLES]
125
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:13,480
Although I do need somewhere
to stay the next few nights.
126
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:13,980
Why?
127
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,107
Oh, my fish tank exploded
and they're checking
128
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:18,401
my apartment for mold,
you know.
129
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,944
Oh, no,
did your fish die?
130
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:21,529
They did. Yeah.
131
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,781
Well, they're
in a better place now.
132
00:05:23,781 --> 00:05:25,742
Yeah.
Literally.
133
00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:30,079
I really need a place to stay
the next few nights.
134
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,914
Well, we--
I mean, I'd go to a hotel,
135
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:32,874
but I don't have any money.
136
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,460
And you know,
with the divorce and all.
137
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,419
You know.
138
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:40,382
The, uh, cheese to a cracker
ratio is way off.
139
00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:41,508
Oh.
140
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:42,842
Steve,
come stay with us.
141
00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:44,260
Oh!
You're more than welcome.
142
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:47,764
Oh, that would be
perfect, thank you.
143
00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:50,349
Wow, I-I'll be there
tomorrow night, okay?
144
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,518
Let me just go grab
some things
145
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:55,354
before the Hazmat team
seals off my apartment.
146
00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:58,775
Wow.
147
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:02,236
You really want to bring some
of this magic into our home?
148
00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,362
I feel bad.
149
00:06:03,362 --> 00:06:04,822
If I hadn't set up
Steve with Holly
150
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:08,576
he would not be living here
in Hitler's bunker.
151
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,413
Sure, Tina,
I'd love to see your unit.
152
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:15,332
And then I'll return
the favor.
153
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,003
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
154
00:06:19,462 --> 00:06:22,757
Hi.
Oh, hey. Where you been?
155
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,550
I got waylaid in Jersey.
156
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:26,385
And that's two words:
way laid.
157
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,387
[CHUCKLES]
158
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:30,807
So the trip to Jersey
panned out for you?
159
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:31,433
Oh, totally.
160
00:06:31,433 --> 00:06:32,934
Jersey's an untapped market.
161
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:35,269
And the best part is,
I skedoodle,
162
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,771
she's an entire state away.
163
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,732
Dirty night, clean break.
Ha-ha-ha.
164
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,735
Excuse us.
165
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:48,616
You had a rendezvous with
our sister Tina last night.
166
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,452
No, I didn't.
167
00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:52,078
Are you not Russell Dunbar?
168
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:56,958
No, he is.
169
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,418
[SIGHS]
170
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:02,880
Jesus, Tina.
171
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,383
If you'll be so kind
as just to give us
172
00:07:06,383 --> 00:07:07,469
a moment of privacy,
please?
173
00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:11,013
He can stay, he's cool.
See you, buddy.
174
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,727
It seems that after your
encounter with our sister,
175
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,938
you promised to phone her
first thing this morning.
176
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,482
That did not occur.
177
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,274
Oh, my God.
Is it morning already?
178
00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:25,737
It's just, with this daylight
savings time, it's crazy.
179
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:26,904
Who can keep up with it?
180
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:31,784
Irregardless,
it is now 2 p.m.
181
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,953
Which could lead one to believe
that maybe you have
182
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,581
no intentions of making
good on your promise.
183
00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,208
Which would make
our sister very unhappy.
184
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,418
And we are very
protective of our sister.
185
00:07:41,418 --> 00:07:45,214
Yes. Tina is...
She's a great girl.
186
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,549
She's really--
187
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,217
How can I make this right?
188
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:48,718
[SNAPS]
189
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:51,387
We're having a family gathering
at this address tonight.
190
00:07:51,387 --> 00:07:54,098
You are invited to come
and apologize to Tina
191
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,976
for your earlier
transgressions.
192
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,061
That does sound
like a dynamite plan,
193
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:02,565
and lots of fun, uh, it's tricky
though, because I got a thing--
194
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,316
Look, look,
Tina likes you.
195
00:08:04,316 --> 00:08:08,821
She likes you for reasons
that are not abundantly clear.
196
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:13,785
And she will be treated with
respect as this goes forward.
197
00:08:14,451 --> 00:08:16,120
And it will go forward.
198
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,165
Yeah, doy, that's--
that's what it's doing.
199
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,333
Yeah.
200
00:08:22,459 --> 00:08:24,378
Nice to meet you.
201
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,840
You sure
you're not Russell?
202
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,050
Sorry.
203
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:31,678
Us too.
204
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,556
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
205
00:08:37,224 --> 00:08:40,477
Guys, thanks so much
for taking me in.
206
00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:42,104
Oh. It's the least
we can do.
207
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:42,897
And that dinner, Audrey.
208
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,399
I do not eat that well
at my place.
209
00:08:45,399 --> 00:08:47,484
Although they are doing
some great stuff
210
00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:48,485
with Ramen these days.
211
00:08:48,485 --> 00:08:50,530
I'd love to hear more
about that.
212
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,740
Oh! Well,
those flavor packets are--
213
00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:54,742
Tomorrow.
Okay, great.
214
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:55,952
I-I'm beat.
215
00:08:55,952 --> 00:08:58,663
I'm gonna, uh,
I'm gonna hit the hay.
216
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:01,332
You know what? I really
appreciate this, man.
217
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,711
Oh. We're good, bro.
Oh! Okay.
218
00:09:05,252 --> 00:09:08,881
You see that? He's in
better spirits already.
219
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:09,674
Oh. Why wouldn't he be?
220
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:13,177
He's not sleeping in a moldy
apartment with dead fish.
221
00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:14,220
[CHUCKLES]
222
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:17,056
Steve is
the perfect house guest.
223
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:17,765
Are you kidding me?
224
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:20,184
He took the crusty part
of the scalloped potatoes.
225
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:23,605
The whole underneath part
is garbage.
226
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,982
It didn't stop you
from eating the rest of it.
227
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,484
I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
228
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:29,401
[STEVE SIGHS LOUDLY]
229
00:09:29,401 --> 00:09:30,903
Steve,
everything okay?
230
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:31,779
Oh, yeah.
I'm fine.
231
00:09:31,779 --> 00:09:34,281
I'm just gonna sleep out
here on the couch.
232
00:09:34,281 --> 00:09:35,742
But you have your own room--
233
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,326
Yeah, just being
in that big bed
234
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:39,286
just reminds me
of how alone I am, you know.
235
00:09:39,286 --> 00:09:40,747
Plus, towards the end
of our marriage,
236
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,833
I got kind of used of being
the mayor of Sofa City.
237
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,084
[LAUGHS AND SIGHS]
238
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:46,919
But Jeff and I
are gonna watch TV,
239
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,462
w-we don't want
to keep you up.
240
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:50,047
Oh, you won't. You won't.
241
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:51,841
Ooh!
242
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:55,595
[MOANS]
243
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:07,481
I'll bet those fish
killed themselves.
244
00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,860
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
245
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,282
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
246
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,951
Why are you so mad?
I did what you said.
247
00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,494
No, I sent you out
for a coffee maker
248
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,789
and you come back
with a stupid French Press.
249
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,874
It's too much work.
It's not.
250
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:28,127
You just put your hand on top
and push down.
251
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:32,882
Least you get to be on the other
side of that move for a change.
252
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,091
Oh.
253
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:34,926
Whoa.
254
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:35,968
Good,
thank God you're okay.
255
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,220
Thought those guys
were gonna break your legs.
256
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,305
Oh, really?
So running down here
257
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:43,309
for a bear claw and cocoa
was the right response.
258
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,644
I heard about
the goombah twins.
259
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:48,272
I guess your, uh,
Jersey plan backfired.
260
00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:49,315
Uh. No, it did not.
261
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,275
Although I was
a little bit scared.
262
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:52,985
Not so scared
I ran down to the diner
263
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,654
and had
a continental breakfast.
264
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:55,738
All right.
But...
265
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,949
I actually
had a good time.
266
00:10:57,949 --> 00:11:01,368
Met the family,
they loved me.
267
00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:03,788
They even gave me
a nickname.
268
00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,915
Oh, let me guess,
"Baby Hands."
269
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,584
No.
No, wait, "Seventies Hair."
270
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:09,293
No.
Oh! Wait.
271
00:11:09,293 --> 00:11:12,379
Wait, d-did someone
already say "Baby Hands"?
272
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:15,341
My cell phone rang twice
during dinner,
273
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:18,970
so they call me
"Russell Two Calls."
274
00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:21,680
So what are you--?
Are you all mobbed up now?
275
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:22,473
RUSSELL:
Mobbed up.
276
00:11:22,473 --> 00:11:25,852
See? That is such
an offensive stereotype.
277
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:26,936
Can I get you something?
278
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,480
Yeah. Can I get some
nice roasted peppers
279
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,941
and a little gob of goo?
280
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,193
I have no idea
what that is.
281
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,778
I know, me neither.
282
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:39,240
Just a grilled cheese
and a pickle.
283
00:11:39,949 --> 00:11:43,410
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
284
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,580
[CACKLING]
285
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,666
That is a good one.
I'm so glad you called.
286
00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:51,335
You made my afternoon.
287
00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:52,336
Oh, she's here.
288
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:53,921
Yeah, I should probably go.
289
00:11:53,921 --> 00:11:56,883
Okay. It's for you.
290
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,593
Hello?
291
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:00,970
Uh, no.
292
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:05,182
I-I'm happy
with my long distance service.
293
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:06,851
Okay, goodbye.
294
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,978
Oh! Bye, Sean!
295
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,856
So you're home
from work early.
296
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:12,439
All jammied up.
297
00:12:12,439 --> 00:12:14,817
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't--
I didn't go to work.
298
00:12:14,817 --> 00:12:17,278
I took a personal day.
I was kind of, you know,
299
00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,864
mourning the loss
of Mr. Bubbles and Goldie.
300
00:12:19,864 --> 00:12:22,158
Oh. Your fish?
301
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,617
Please?
302
00:12:23,617 --> 00:12:24,869
You know, it's funny.
303
00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,662
One minute
you're at the carnival
304
00:12:26,662 --> 00:12:27,579
throwing darts at balloons,
305
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:31,292
and the next you're bringing
home a baggie full of friends.
306
00:12:31,292 --> 00:12:33,460
And then they're dead.
307
00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:35,421
Hey, you want to play
some gin rummy?
308
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,172
Wow, I'd love to,
309
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:38,174
but, um, Jeff's going
to be home any minute.
310
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,717
So I should-- I should
really get dinner started.
311
00:12:40,717 --> 00:12:42,678
Okay.
[PHONE RINGS]
312
00:12:42,678 --> 00:12:44,806
Oh, hey.
Is that Sean?
313
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:46,682
No.
314
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:49,435
Come home.
315
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,937
JEFF [OVER PHONE]:
What's going on there?
316
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,440
Steve's had a bad day. Just--
Just tell me you're close.
317
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,234
Oh. I feel terrible,
but I'm stuck at work.
318
00:12:57,234 --> 00:13:01,405
Oh, God, babe. Just get here
as fast as you can, okay?
319
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:03,449
Will do.
320
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,917
Oh, God!
321
00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:15,837
You're hiding
in the kitchen, huh?
322
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,004
I don't blame you.
323
00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,548
I'd avoid me too,
if I could.
324
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:26,638
No. I was not
avoiding you.
325
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,100
Steve, you're a great guy.
326
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:31,102
Thanks.
327
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,562
How so?
328
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,982
Well, you...
329
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,025
have your health and...
330
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:41,695
you gave us that great
shortcut to your place.
331
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:43,322
But even with all that,
332
00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,950
I couldn't make
my marriage work.
333
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:47,493
Well,
that wasn't your fault.
334
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:51,038
I'm so sorry I ever even
introduced you to Holly.
335
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:54,833
You are way,
way out of her league.
336
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,419
Thanks, Audrey.
337
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,630
You really know how
to make me feel good.
338
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:00,589
Oh, I'm so glad.
339
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:04,468
No, truly, you-- You're one of
the nicest people that I know.
340
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:08,347
Oh, I'm just being who I am.
341
00:14:08,347 --> 00:14:09,348
[BOTH LAUGH]
342
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,309
Come here. Uh.
343
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:13,936
Oh...
344
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:20,860
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
345
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,617
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
346
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:29,785
Hey, are you busy?
347
00:14:29,785 --> 00:14:32,496
No, I'm just having
my morning coffee. Join me.
348
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:35,541
Would you like your dish rag
with cream or sugar?
349
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,293
Something weird
happened last night.
350
00:14:37,293 --> 00:14:40,504
You know Jeff's friend Steve
who's been staying with us?
351
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:42,006
The sad pajama guy?
352
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,591
Well, Jeff was working late,
Steve was feeling down,
353
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:45,551
so I gave him
a little pep talk.
354
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:48,179
Next thing I know,
he's making a pass at me.
355
00:14:48,179 --> 00:14:49,763
Oh! Really?
Well, what do I do?
356
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:50,597
I mean,
I can't tell Jeff.
357
00:14:50,597 --> 00:14:53,850
I'm the one who insisted
Steve stay with us.
358
00:14:53,850 --> 00:14:55,519
I can't believe this.
359
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,020
Oh, I can.
360
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:59,440
He's sad, Jeff's gone,
you're hot.
361
00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,818
Well, that's true.
362
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,488
And I was wearing
my skinny skirt.
363
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,575
Oh, and my best boob sweater.
364
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,118
Oh, God!
Those two together?
365
00:15:11,118 --> 00:15:14,663
I must have been torturing
the poor guy.
366
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,416
It must have been
so uncomfortable for you.
367
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,375
What exactly did he do?
368
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,252
Well, I just went to give him
a little hug
369
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,753
and he kind
of turned his head--
370
00:15:21,753 --> 00:15:23,380
It's kind of hard
to describe.
371
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:24,881
Oh, here. Show me.
372
00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:26,508
I'm you, you're Steve.
373
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:28,719
All right.
374
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:33,682
Ha-ha-ha. I knew it.
375
00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:37,769
You owe me five bucks.
Oh, damn it.
376
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,981
Calm down,
Audrey was just showing me
377
00:15:39,981 --> 00:15:41,648
how Steve
made a pass at her.
378
00:15:41,648 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh. The pajama guy?
379
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,402
He's awesome.
380
00:15:45,902 --> 00:15:47,613
You should really
tell Jeff.
381
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:52,076
Or I make
the whole thing go away.
382
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:53,160
All right?
383
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,661
I know people.
384
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:59,083
All right. Take it easy,
Two Calls.
385
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:03,504
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
386
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:07,216
Hey, where were you?
387
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:07,883
Talking to Steve.
388
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:12,096
I gotta admit, he seems
like a new man today.
389
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:16,976
As much as it pains me
to say you were right.
390
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,728
Hey, maybe I just
won't say it.
391
00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,648
Okay, I don't know exactly
how to tell you this,
392
00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:27,278
and I don't want you
to overreact or freak out,
393
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,071
but last night...
394
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:30,406
Steve made a pass at me.
395
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,908
Oh.
Okay, calm down.
396
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:34,951
I may have brought this
on myself.
397
00:16:34,951 --> 00:16:37,538
I mean, we were in the living
room, I was consoling him,
398
00:16:37,538 --> 00:16:40,207
I went to give him a little hug,
and then he...
399
00:16:40,207 --> 00:16:42,126
kind of did this thing
with his head--
400
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,211
He buried his face
in your neck.
401
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,212
Yes.
How did you know?
402
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:46,547
Yeah,
he does that to everyone.
403
00:16:46,547 --> 00:16:49,841
At work we used
to call him "The Nuzzler."
404
00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:50,342
[LAUGHS]
405
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,303
Yeah, well, maybe,
but this was different.
406
00:16:52,303 --> 00:16:57,266
I mean, I was rocking my skinny
skirt and my best boob sweater.
407
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,018
He's been doing it
for years.
408
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,894
You know the sweater
I mean, right?
409
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:06,150
[LAUGHING]
I mean, I looked like
a freaking Barbie doll.
410
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:09,236
It had nothing to do
with the sweater.
411
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,654
He nuzzles everyone.
412
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:12,948
So it wasn't--
No.
413
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:16,410
Or the--
No.
414
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,828
No.
415
00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,415
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
416
00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,874
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
417
00:17:22,874 --> 00:17:24,710
It's open,
come in!
418
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:27,963
How long have you
lived in New York?
419
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,716
Guys, in the kitchen.
420
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,801
I'm on my way to evening Mass
with the family,
421
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,679
and I understand
you need a coffee machine.
422
00:17:36,972 --> 00:17:37,848
How do you know that?
423
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:40,976
Around the neighborhood,
I hear things.
424
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,937
Oh, my God. It's amazing!
Where'd you get it?
425
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,982
A friend of mine
came into a truckload.
426
00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:50,819
Sal the Ant.
Good guy, big earner.
427
00:17:51,528 --> 00:17:55,157
You've done good.
You've done good.
428
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:57,993
Hey, wait. Why's the serial
number scratched off?
429
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,079
Don't ask
so many questions.
430
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:03,999
But you need the serial number
for the warranty.
431
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,000
Ha-ha.
432
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,002
You break it,
I get you another one.
433
00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,879
There's your warranty, huh?
434
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,090
Ow!
[LAUGHS]
435
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,134
This guy.
436
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,427
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
437
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:17,971
I am so sorry
for the misunderstanding.
438
00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:20,599
I would never
make a pass at you.
439
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,058
Yeah. Thanks.
440
00:18:22,058 --> 00:18:25,020
I mean,
you are so not my type.
441
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:28,149
I could name like a hundred
women that I'd so much--
442
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,609
Yeah, I got it.
Okay.
443
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:32,278
I'll get the elevator.
444
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,570
Good.
445
00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:36,282
[LAUGHS]
446
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,451
Rocking her skinny skirt.
447
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:42,204
Okay, Steve,
I guess this is goodbye.
448
00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,580
Oh, okay.
Gosh, I just...
449
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:45,207
I don't know
how to thank you, Audrey.
450
00:18:45,207 --> 00:18:48,377
You shown me compassion,
kindness, friendship.
451
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,504
And the fact that you thought
I made a pass at you
452
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,214
and you still didn't
blow me off...
453
00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:54,800
that gives me hope that
there's another woman out there
454
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,386
who's gonna, you know,
take me seriously.
455
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:58,220
Oh, Steve.
456
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:01,640
Of course there's another woman
out there for you.
457
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:02,516
Thanks.
458
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:06,187
Of course not like you,
you're not my type.
459
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,313
[LAUGHS]
460
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,855
JEFF:
Elevator's here!
461
00:19:08,855 --> 00:19:09,856
Oh. Okay.
462
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:14,653
All right. No nuzzle
this time, okay?
463
00:19:14,653 --> 00:19:16,071
[SIGHS]
464
00:19:16,071 --> 00:19:16,780
All right. Hey!
465
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:18,282
Hey, we're good, bro.
That's cool.
466
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,534
Okay. All right.
Don't be a stranger.
467
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,661
Take care, buddy.
468
00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:23,204
Hmm.
469
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:26,582
By any chance did they
also call Steve
470
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:28,041
"The Boob Grazer?"
471
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,668
No. Why?
472
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:32,003
Just curious.
473
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,924
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
474
00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:44,516
Hey,paisan!
It's good to see you.
475
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:49,145
Oh, how's your mother?
You give her my regards, okay?
476
00:19:49,145 --> 00:19:53,275
Oh, this two,
always with this two.
477
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:56,945
Ah. Good people.
Good.
478
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,780
Can I get you
something to drink?
479
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,908
Yeah. Chianti for me
and the little lady.
480
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:03,994
We don't have that.
481
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:06,162
Oh!
482
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,165
Coffee, thanks.
483
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,586
Okay, enough, huh?
Stop acting like that.
484
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:17,216
Acting like what? She's busting
my balls over here.
485
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,593
Like that!
486
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:20,386
Look, I went out with you
487
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,012
because I thought
you were different
488
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,223
from all the other goons
I've dated.
489
00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:27,100
The mouth on this one.
490
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,353
Russell, if I wanted
a guy like this,
491
00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,480
I'd go for the real thing,
okay?
492
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,358
Not some pathetic
tracksuit wannabe.
493
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:35,734
Hey, show some respect.
494
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:37,444
The name is "Two Calls."
495
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:40,155
Should've been
"Dropped Call."
496
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,326
I'll see ya, loser.
497
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,912
Oh!
498
00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:51,708
Oh.
499
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:57,423
Grilled cheese
and a pickle.
500
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:01,134
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
35176
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