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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:03,211
Hey.
2
00:00:03,211 --> 00:00:03,836
Hey.
3
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:06,005
Remember on your birthday
how you asked me
4
00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:07,340
for something special?
5
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:11,136
Oh, my God,
you're taking me to Cancun?
6
00:00:11,136 --> 00:00:11,928
Not that birthday.
7
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:15,015
You bought those diamond
earrings from Tiffany's?
8
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,683
Not that special.
9
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,351
How many birthdays
are we going back, Jeff?
10
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:21,646
I'm no longer interested
in seeing the Go-Go's.
11
00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,606
That was never gonna happen.
12
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:26,734
Well, whatever it is,
I'm sure I will love it.
13
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:28,736
Or whatever
I exchange it for.
14
00:00:28,736 --> 00:00:31,489
You're not gonna wanna
exchange this, my friend.
15
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,242
Fifth row center
for a little Broadway offering
16
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,118
called Wicked.
17
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:39,456
You're kidding.
I can't believe you remembered.
18
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,874
It's been like four years.
19
00:00:41,874 --> 00:00:46,045
Great, they've probably worked
out the kinks by now.
20
00:00:46,045 --> 00:00:47,339
What made you think of this?
21
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:50,383
I was in that neighborhood where
there's theater after theater,
22
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:54,221
all the theaters.
What's it called down there?
23
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,931
The theater district?
24
00:00:56,931 --> 00:00:59,434
No, it'll come to me.
25
00:00:59,434 --> 00:01:02,145
Anyway, I looked up,
saw the poster,
26
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,020
thought of you.
27
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,940
The poster
has two witches on it.
28
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:09,194
You're right,
it is the theater district.
29
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:09,694
[CHUCKLES]
30
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:12,072
Well, thank you honey,
this was very sweet...
31
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,907
wait, Jeff, there's only
one ticket in here.
32
00:01:14,907 --> 00:01:16,909
Yeah!
33
00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:19,079
I am not gonna cause
a distraction
34
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,998
while you sneak
in the side door.
35
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:25,793
I'm not going.
That's part of your gift.
36
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:28,796
I don't want to go alone.
Yes, you do.
37
00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:30,423
I want you to go with me.
No, you don't.
38
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,843
It's more fun to share
the experience with someone.
39
00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,553
Is it?
Well, let's examine
40
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:39,349
the last time we shared
the theater-going experience.
41
00:01:39,349 --> 00:01:40,933
We got to our seats...
42
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,395
You mimed killing yourself.
43
00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,104
Curtain went up...
44
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:47,315
You mimed killing yourself.
45
00:01:47,315 --> 00:01:52,445
Three townspeople on stage
started to sing...
46
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:53,155
You mimed killing them,
47
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:56,199
and then turned the gun
on yourself.
48
00:01:56,699 --> 00:02:00,662
That was before the boiler
went on the fritz.
49
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:04,707
This is the most
thoughtful gift ever.
50
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,419
[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]
51
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:12,006
♪♪ How many ways
To say, "I love you"? ♪♪
52
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:17,179
♪♪ How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? ♪♪
53
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:19,847
♪♪ With you by my side ♪♪
54
00:02:19,847 --> 00:02:22,142
♪♪ There is no denyin' ♪♪
55
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:25,812
♪♪ I can't wait
For me and you ♪♪
56
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:30,107
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
57
00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:32,777
[LAUGHING]
Shut up, Russell.
58
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:33,570
Ow.
59
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,905
Hey, guys,
what's going on?
60
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,157
Well,
Russell's making fun of us
61
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,326
because I mentioned
that Adam and I are taking
62
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,993
dance lessons
for our wedding.
63
00:02:40,993 --> 00:02:42,078
Not you, just Adam.
64
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:45,540
Or should I say
"Mr. Mo-jangles."
65
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:47,250
There's nothing gay
66
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,044
about taking dance lessons
for your wedding.
67
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:50,712
Yeah, we did it.
68
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:55,717
Oh, did you, "Fred Astaire
at some guys ass?"
69
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,051
[LAUGHING]
70
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:58,928
[LAUGHING]
71
00:02:59,679 --> 00:03:03,266
What, it's funny
when it's not me.
72
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,017
Well,
we're starting early,
73
00:03:05,017 --> 00:03:09,772
because "we" need
all the help "we" can get.
74
00:03:09,772 --> 00:03:12,609
Good thing
you're holding your hand up
75
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,776
so I don't get
my feelings hurt.
76
00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:17,614
I'm sorry. It doesn't matter
that you're a bad dancer,
77
00:03:17,614 --> 00:03:19,866
it's just another thing
we get to do together,
78
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,909
and I love doing things
with you.
79
00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:22,827
Me too.
80
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,748
Don't you mean "me tutu"?
81
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,458
Ballerina? No?
82
00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:31,919
All right, I'm out.
Pay for me.
83
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,297
You know, Adam,
you don't have to pretend
84
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:35,215
to love everything she does.
85
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,676
Do you get a commission every
time a couple breaks up?
86
00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,137
I'm just saying,
there's such a thing
87
00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,597
as too much togetherness.
88
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,724
You seeThe Shining?
89
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,560
You're old.
90
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:50,021
I'm wise.
When you've been together
91
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,147
as long as Audrey
and I have,
92
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,524
it's okay to have
separate interests.
93
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:57,069
For instance, she loves going
to the theater and I hate it.
94
00:03:57,069 --> 00:04:00,365
Hating the theater
is not an interest.
95
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:02,575
An interest is something
you enjoy.
96
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,661
I enjoy
hating the theater.
97
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:08,456
Well, there's gotta be stuff
you guys like doing together.
98
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:12,544
Yeah. There's gotta be.
99
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,796
There is.
Like the boat show.
100
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,673
Which, by the way,
is in town this week.
101
00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:20,427
Again? Didn't we just go
to that thing?
102
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,011
A year ago.
Really?
103
00:04:22,011 --> 00:04:24,389
God, feels like
just yesterday I was thinking
104
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,140
"Boy, I'm glad
I don't have to suffer
105
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:27,975
through this
for another year."
106
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:29,769
Come on,
you love the boat show.
107
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:32,814
No, I tolerate it. I only do it
'cause you like it.
108
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:38,736
Huh, first time I've heard that
outside the bedroom.
109
00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,865
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
110
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,454
I hear the new lead
is great.
111
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:49,372
Who's the original girl
in this?
112
00:04:49,372 --> 00:04:50,707
Kristen Chenoweth.
113
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:51,874
Oh.
[CHUCKLES]
114
00:04:51,874 --> 00:04:56,212
My husband would not have known
that in a million years.
115
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:56,921
[LAUGHS]
116
00:04:56,921 --> 00:05:00,342
So where do you wanna go
get dinner after?
117
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,343
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
118
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,679
INSTRUCTOR:
And one, two, three,
back, two, three.
119
00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:08,975
Down, two, three,
one, two, three.
120
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,936
Come on, count.
121
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,230
Oh. One, two, three, and back--
Not out loud.
122
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:17,734
Can't you think something
without actually saying it?
123
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,444
Yeah,
I'm doing it right now.
124
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,405
No, no, no, no, no. You see,
it's forward, two, three--
125
00:05:22,405 --> 00:05:25,783
He's trying, Mr. Vargas,
he just has no sense of rhythm.
126
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,785
You see, he was raised
on a commune, and--
127
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:32,707
I don't need a bio, chica.
He's not the problem.
128
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,126
I'm not?
He's not?
129
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:36,836
No, you are.
130
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:40,339
Tough break, chica.
131
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:43,718
And one, two,
three, down...
132
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:46,178
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
133
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,142
RUSSELL:Bravo!
134
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,894
Bravo!
135
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:55,522
Bravo!
136
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,566
You got me.
137
00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:00,443
You're so good.
138
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,781
You know,
the first time I saw this
139
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,198
Kristen blew me away,
140
00:06:06,198 --> 00:06:09,827
but this girl
she might be better.
141
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:13,498
I mean, she really
made Glinda her own.
142
00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,792
Well, hello, Russell.
143
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,712
Oh, my God.
This isn't a strip club.
144
00:06:19,712 --> 00:06:21,297
I want my money back!
145
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,007
Hey, Audrey!
146
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:25,384
Oh, my God.
I thought this was a strip club,
147
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:26,218
I got all turned around--
148
00:06:26,218 --> 00:06:28,638
I saw you inside.
No, you didn't.
149
00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:31,641
You were crying.
No, I wasn't.
150
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,976
I took a picture.
151
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,478
That's good quality.
152
00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:38,440
Now, delete it!
Delete it!
153
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,941
[SHOUTS]
154
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,776
Fine.
155
00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:42,902
Fine, I was in there.
156
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,738
I like musicals.
Don't tell anyone.
157
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:49,492
Mm, that you were here?
That you were sobbing?
158
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:54,288
Or that "she really made
Glinda her own?"
159
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,457
Okay, okay.
160
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,959
What's it gonna take
to keep you quiet?
161
00:06:57,959 --> 00:06:59,168
What do you got?
162
00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:02,129
I can get you great seats
to any show, any time.
163
00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:03,923
Come on.
What's your connection?
164
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:06,926
Well, I may or may not be
the editor
165
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:11,806
of Bernadette Peters'
fanzine.
166
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,224
Deal.
Okay.
167
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:14,976
But you do not want
to cross me on this.
168
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,353
Because I swear to you
if anyone finds out,
169
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,356
you will rue the day that you--
[BELL RINGS]
170
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,817
Ooh, second act!
171
00:07:22,817 --> 00:07:25,778
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
172
00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:29,907
That's all you're having?
173
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,576
Oh, we have
a dance lesson today
174
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,911
and Mr. Vargas
doesn't like us to practice
175
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,997
on a full stomach.
176
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:39,083
Screw Mr. Vargas.
177
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,543
Trouble in Danceland?
178
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:43,921
Oh, well, it seems
that "we're" not as good
179
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,924
as "we" thought
"we" were.
180
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:47,842
[CHUCKLES]
181
00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,845
That joke stopped
being funny like four days ago.
182
00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:51,971
Oh, has it been four days?
183
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:57,018
Because, you'd think that
"we'd" be better by now.
184
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:57,769
[LAUGHS]
185
00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,646
Don't get mad, honey.
It's just a dance class.
186
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:03,608
It's like you said, it's
something we can do together.
187
00:08:05,317 --> 00:08:07,111
So you snuck in late
last night.
188
00:08:07,111 --> 00:08:09,196
Oh, yeah. The show was over
three hours long.
189
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:10,490
I didn't get home
till after midnight.
190
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,951
Mr. Vargas says it's important
to get a good night's sleep.
191
00:08:13,951 --> 00:08:15,202
Oh, my God.
192
00:08:15,202 --> 00:08:18,956
It was so good, Jeff.
You would've hated it.
193
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:21,333
See how that works?
194
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:22,669
She goes to the theater,
195
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,921
I stay home where I don't have
to hear anyone
196
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:27,339
express themself through song.
197
00:08:27,339 --> 00:08:29,759
Unless, of course,
Adam breaks out
198
00:08:29,759 --> 00:08:33,220
in a love ballad
to Mr. Vargas.
199
00:08:33,220 --> 00:08:35,973
Jealous.
200
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:37,433
You almost finished there?
201
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,561
I don't want to be late
for the boat show.
202
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,436
Only the first 500 customers
203
00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:43,189
get the commemorative
refrigerator magnet.
204
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,983
Oh, that's today? I have
a ticket to the matinee.
205
00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:46,818
I'm going to the theater.
206
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:50,530
Again? You're turning
into a, uh...
207
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:53,825
what do you call those people
who always go to the theater?
208
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,910
Theater-goers.
209
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:59,539
You wouldn't believe how often
we have this exact conversation.
210
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,791
You always have
fun when we go.
211
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:04,376
We eat boat show junk,
use boat lingo,
212
00:09:04,376 --> 00:09:07,463
I make a funny
"seaman" pun.
213
00:09:07,463 --> 00:09:11,133
I quietly question
all my life choices...
214
00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,845
You know, I've never been
to a boat show.
215
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:17,056
What do you do there?
216
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,976
You look at boats.
217
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,979
You really
didn't see that coming?
218
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,438
How can you skip
the boat show?
219
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:25,940
You'll miss
all the celebrities.
220
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,569
Captain Crunch
is not a celebrity.
221
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,988
Oh, I'm sorry,
222
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,742
what cereal box
is your face on?
223
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,578
Come on, Audrey,
you gotta go.
224
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,329
No! Fair is fair,
Jeff.
225
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,706
You didn't go
to the theater with me,
226
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,332
I shouldn't go
to the boat show with you.
227
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,918
It's not the same thing.
It's exactly the same thing.
228
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:48,212
Boat shows are fun.
Musicals are fun.
229
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:51,674
They would be,
if they were boat shows.
230
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:52,925
I can't believe
I'm saying this,
231
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:55,177
but let's get to dance class
a little early today.
232
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,389
Oh, good. Mr. Vargas
likes punctuality.
233
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,057
Oh, my God!
234
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,518
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
235
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:07,940
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
236
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:12,278
Where you been?
Three minutes till curtain.
237
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,363
I know, I'm sorry.
I had to blow Jeff off.
238
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:15,364
It took longer
than I expected.
239
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:19,576
Well, what do you think,
the guy's not 18 anymore.
240
00:10:22,872 --> 00:10:26,458
Blow him off. As in not go
to the boat show with him.
241
00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,795
Oh. You know, I thought--
Yeah, I know.
242
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,047
Yeah, okay.
243
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,507
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
244
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,718
It's a great show, huh?
245
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:40,139
Best so far. Are you in
the market for something today?
246
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:43,392
No, I'm, uh, just looking.
247
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:47,730
So, does this thing hold
a lot of seamen?
248
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:52,443
Yes, 'cause that's
how you'd say it, sir.
249
00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:56,072
It's a classic.
250
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:57,824
I know you're at your show.
251
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:58,783
Call me at intermission.
252
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:01,869
Something terrific
just happened.
253
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,080
Jeff!
Oh. Hey, Mike!
254
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,915
Hey, man.
It's good to see you.
255
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,874
I was hoping you'd be here.
256
00:11:06,874 --> 00:11:08,876
Wouldn't miss it. Gotta check
out the new models.
257
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:12,671
Me too. And, uh, in my
spare time I look at the boats.
258
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:14,340
[CHUCKLING]
259
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,176
So, uh, is Ginny here?
260
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:19,345
Oh, no. Turns out
she never liked it,
261
00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:20,637
she only came because
I made her.
262
00:11:20,637 --> 00:11:23,474
Finally she just said,
"Mike, I'm done."
263
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,893
Yeah, I think Audrey's boat
show days are behind her too.
264
00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:28,479
Yeah, well, Ginny wasn't just
talking about the boat show.
265
00:11:28,479 --> 00:11:31,774
She was talking about
the Mike show. She's out.
266
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:36,028
Oh. Sorry. Wow, you guys
were married awhile.
267
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:36,904
Twelve years.
268
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,364
Same as me and Audrey.
269
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,616
Yeah? Well, then you know
what I'm talking about.
270
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:43,202
Right? You know, you--
You start to grow apart.
271
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:45,662
You don't like
the same things anymore.
272
00:11:45,662 --> 00:11:47,706
Including each other.
273
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:48,791
[LAUGHS]
274
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,210
I don't know
why I'm laughing.
275
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,838
She took all my stuff.
276
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:58,342
Hey, you know this is the first
theater I was ever in?
277
00:11:58,342 --> 00:11:59,093
Really? When was that?
278
00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:03,514
Oh, ha, I must've been
seven years old.
279
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,306
Oh, your parents took you?
280
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:08,060
No, God, no. They were too busy
screaming at each other.
281
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,311
No, I had a nanny
named Helga,
282
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,815
who was a bigger woman.
Arms like a longshoreman.
283
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:17,153
She, uh, bundled me up,
the next thing I know we're here
284
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,154
in this whole other world
285
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,865
where people are singing
and dancing and happy.
286
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,324
and I just loved it.
287
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:24,076
Oh, Russell.
288
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:26,871
Yeah, oldest story
in the book though, right?
289
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,665
Except usually the guy
telling it wants to be Evita
290
00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:30,875
not bang Evita.
291
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:31,876
[CHUCKLES]
292
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:32,668
It's pretty lame, right?
293
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:36,297
No, not at all. You have
nothing to be embarrassed about.
294
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:39,801
You know, Jeff cried his eyes
out at Mr. Holland's Opus.
295
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,676
Really?
Yes.
296
00:12:40,676 --> 00:12:43,805
There's nothing unmanly
about showing your emotions.
297
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,640
I mean, it's actually
very attractive to women
298
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,684
when men are sensitive.
299
00:12:49,643 --> 00:12:50,937
Yeah, maybe you're right.
300
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:53,355
I once got a happy ending
for pretending to cry
301
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,942
at my grandmother's funeral.
302
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:58,610
Oh, here we go.
303
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,155
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
304
00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:03,574
[SIGHS]
305
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,742
She and I
just drifted apart.
306
00:13:05,742 --> 00:13:07,954
We navigated
into some stormy waters,
307
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,164
and set sail
for different horizons.
308
00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:15,127
Then, uh, my accountant started
dropping anchor in her harbor.
309
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:20,174
Painful, but kudos for sticking
with the nautical theme.
310
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,968
Yeah, but it's better now.
311
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:26,138
You know. Nobody yapping in
my ear about the antique show
312
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,432
or some dumb cooking class.
313
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,976
Although cooking
would come in handy.
314
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,979
The pizza delivery guy's
starting to make comments.
315
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,772
Like he's got a life.
316
00:13:35,772 --> 00:13:37,441
So you're doing okay.
317
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:39,235
Oh, man. I'm having a ball.
318
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:40,987
I play golf all I want,
319
00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,905
I play video poker till 4 a.m.,
320
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,032
I got a two-day pass
for the boat show.
321
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,534
Isn't that sweet?
Are you coming tomorrow?
322
00:13:47,534 --> 00:13:48,285
No--
How about bowling,
323
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:51,247
you like bowling?
I'm pretty much free any night.
324
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:54,375
Or Atlantic City.
I know this great bus.
325
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,127
It doesn't have
air conditioning,
326
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:57,544
but you get $10 in quarters.
327
00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:00,172
Last time I went,
the old woman next to me
328
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,884
got heat stroke
and I got her quarters.
329
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:06,428
I can't promise that that will
happen when you and I go--
330
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,805
Uh-oh. Phone call.
I didn't even hear it ring.
331
00:14:08,805 --> 00:14:11,558
It's on vibrate.
But I didn't hear it go:
332
00:14:11,558 --> 00:14:13,602
[BUZZING]
333
00:14:14,896 --> 00:14:16,313
[BUZZING]
334
00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:18,774
Which is--
Yeah. Hello?
335
00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:21,944
Emergency? I'll be right there.
336
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,655
I, uh, gotta go.
It's an emergency.
337
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:25,697
What kind of emergency?
338
00:14:25,697 --> 00:14:29,952
Very bad. Lot of blood.
Real horror show.
339
00:14:29,952 --> 00:14:31,745
Can I come with?
340
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,665
Stay in the boat, Mike.
341
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,126
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
342
00:14:37,584 --> 00:14:41,297
Wow,
that was our best show so far.
343
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,674
Oh, I know. I'm gonna have
to totally rethink
344
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:45,592
my Tony predictions.
[CHUCKLES]
345
00:14:45,592 --> 00:14:47,887
Should we, uh,
go get some coffee?
346
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,555
Uh, yeah,
let me hit the restroom.
347
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,391
Damn that Sondheim
and his no intermissions.
348
00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:55,144
[CHUCKLES]
349
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,312
Oh, great. You're here.
350
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,939
What are you doing here?
Everything okay?
351
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,066
Yeah, it's fine.
What's going on?
352
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,858
I just thought I'd take you
to dinner
353
00:15:01,858 --> 00:15:03,777
and you could tell me
about the singing
354
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:06,405
and dancing you saw. And...
355
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,574
you know, what makes
them do all that.
356
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:11,743
All right, w-why aren't you
at the boat show?
357
00:15:11,743 --> 00:15:15,289
The truth is it wasn't
that much fun without you.
358
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:18,667
Oh, really?
That's so sweet.
359
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,171
Plus I realized that if you do
too many things separately,
360
00:15:22,171 --> 00:15:24,006
you could wind up on a bus
to Atlantic City
361
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:27,843
stealing quarters off
an old lady with heat stroke.
362
00:15:28,885 --> 00:15:31,138
Th-That makes no sense.
363
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,224
Oh. See...
364
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,684
the bus
isn't air conditioned.
365
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,853
So, if you weren't having
a good time
366
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:38,938
why did I get a message
that says
367
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,690
something terrific happened?
Yeah, that was early on.
368
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:45,527
I, uh, scored big
with a seaman pun.
369
00:15:46,653 --> 00:15:49,240
Anyway, from now I think
that we should make an effort
370
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,076
to like the things the other
person likes.
371
00:15:52,076 --> 00:15:54,411
Okay. And, uh, who knows,
372
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:57,581
maybe we can, uh, find something
we like doing together.
373
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,042
I can think of
one or two things.
374
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,962
Two?
What's the other one?
375
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:03,837
[CHUCKLES]
376
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:04,880
Hey, Audrey,
I got us T-shirts.
377
00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:08,842
All they had was extra large,
but I can make it work.
378
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,220
This isn't a strip club.
379
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:12,638
What's going on here?
380
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,222
Russell, stop.
381
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,850
You knew he was--?
Did you guys come together?
382
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:20,479
No, no, no.
383
00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:22,773
The truth is...
384
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,733
I'm nailing your wife--
385
00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:26,443
Oh, Russell!
386
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:27,444
RUSSELL:
Don't get mad.
387
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:31,740
Here's the deal.
Russell and I have been coming
388
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,034
to the theater
all week together.
389
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:36,287
And it's been really wonderful
sharing that with him.
390
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:37,413
Him?
Yes.
391
00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,999
He has this whole
other side
392
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,210
that is cultured and kind
and sensitive,
393
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,171
but he won't show it to you,
'cause he's afraid
394
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:48,007
you'll make fun of him.
Thank you. I'm a dead man.
395
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,634
No. No, you are not.
396
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:53,095
Jeff, please tell him you're
not gonna tease him.
397
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:57,808
I'd only do that so he'd see it
coming a little bit less.
398
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:02,438
Russell's a theater queen.
399
00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:04,106
I may have to quit my job
400
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,317
to focus on this full time.
401
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:08,694
Oh, you might want to
take a break
402
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:12,614
so you can pop in
Mr. Holland's Opus
403
00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:15,409
and cry like Betsy Wetsy.
404
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,411
I only told him to show
him that--
405
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:22,083
Just like a woman. Can't keep
anything from her girlfriends.
406
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,500
Oh, boo-hoo, poor Mr. Holland,
407
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,711
had to give up his dreams
and teach high school.
408
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,505
Wah!
He changed those kids' lives!
409
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:30,132
He gave them
the gift of music.
410
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:31,050
So did Professor Harold Hill
411
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,385
inThe Music Man.
He changed a whole town!
412
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:36,138
By what, prancing around
and singing a bunch of stuff
413
00:17:36,138 --> 00:17:37,306
he could've just said?
414
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,932
Robert Preston did not prance.
415
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:42,103
He marched proudly,
as he led the big parade.
416
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,314
I bet I know what kind
of parade that was.
417
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,940
[IMITATES CRYING]
418
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:51,737
Oh, I'm Mr. Holland,
I gave up all my dreams!
419
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,491
Good.
420
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:57,909
Excellent.
421
00:17:57,909 --> 00:18:00,371
Ah, no, no, no.
422
00:18:00,371 --> 00:18:01,747
What? What? Okay!
423
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:02,748
It's just a stupid dance!
424
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:06,377
What is it
that I'm doing so wrong?
425
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:09,463
Sh-She ate like 80 fries
at lunch today.
426
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,758
All right,
let's try it again.
427
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:13,842
Jennifer?
428
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,636
[SIGHS]
429
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:17,304
You just watch.
430
00:18:18,722 --> 00:18:20,474
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
431
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:23,894
RUSSELL:
Wah!
432
00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:26,855
I need another hankie,
I'm Mr. Holland's Doofus.
433
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:30,442
Hi, I'd like one
on the aisle for Oklahomo.
434
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:34,613
Shut up! You guys have been
doing this for, like, 11 blocks.
435
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:38,909
For one brief shining moment,
I had theater buddy Russell
436
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:39,910
and sweet husband Jeff.
437
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,578
And then just like that,
it's back to
438
00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:43,914
"You have feelings,"
"You like things,"
439
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,624
"You're gay,"
"No, you're gay."
440
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,501
What are you guys, eight?
441
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:51,463
He is.
You are.
442
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,549
Shut up! Why are
all male friendships
443
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,217
based on insulting
each other? Huh?
444
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,636
I think it's very sad
that you go through life
445
00:18:57,636 --> 00:19:02,098
just looking for ways
to cut each other down.
446
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,726
Well,
maybe she's right.
447
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,020
We do waste a lot of time
ragging on each other.
448
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:10,274
I guess it wouldn't kill us
to grow up a little.
449
00:19:10,274 --> 00:19:12,108
I guess not.
450
00:19:12,108 --> 00:19:14,110
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
451
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,532
That's Adam.
452
00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,493
Dancing with a dude.
453
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:24,746
RUSSELL:
No way!
454
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,373
[RUSSELL LAUGHS]
455
00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:27,624
Oh, this is too good.
456
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:30,586
Let's get him.
Yeah.
457
00:19:42,889 --> 00:19:44,891
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
458
00:19:44,891 --> 00:19:47,060
Very impressive choice
for your comeback.
459
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:48,937
This musical is three
and a half hours long.
460
00:19:48,937 --> 00:19:51,940
Just more time I get to spend
with the woman I love.
461
00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:53,775
MIKE:
Jeff?
462
00:19:53,775 --> 00:19:57,153
Holy smokes,
what are the odds?
463
00:19:57,153 --> 00:19:58,364
Hey, are you a single?
464
00:19:58,364 --> 00:19:59,698
Yes.
I'm third row center.
465
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:01,825
Can we swap so I can sit next
to my friend?
466
00:20:01,825 --> 00:20:04,370
Sure.
Thank you, heh, heh.
467
00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,623
Hey, there!
This is great.
468
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:08,123
[LAUGHS]
469
00:20:08,039 --> 00:20:12,211
Well, pretty lady. So you guys
are still together, huh?
470
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,587
All right.
471
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,256
Hey, you wanna grab
a bite after?
472
00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:18,842
It's on me, I cleaned up
in Atlantic City.
473
00:20:18,842 --> 00:20:20,677
[COINS JINGLING]
474
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,970
Is your weekend booked?
475
00:20:21,970 --> 00:20:24,681
Because we have got
a sweet foosball table
476
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:25,932
at the rec room
at my complex.
477
00:20:25,932 --> 00:20:30,020
The teenagers usually hog it,
but sometimes you get lucky.
478
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,898
If not,
we can hit the jacooz,
479
00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:33,690
get our soak on!
480
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,609
You're not supposed
to go in naked,
481
00:20:35,609 --> 00:20:36,610
but I probably will. Heh.
482
00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:40,239
I don't like to get urine
on my shorts.
483
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,074
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
484
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:49,080
[♪♪♪♪♪♪]
35111
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