All language subtitles for Rules.Of.Engagement.S02E14.Buyers.Remorse.1080p.AMZN.WEBRip.DDP5.1.x264-DAWN_track3_[eng]

[**]

I'm telling you, Greta.
Your husband should not let you

out of the house with legs
like that. Whoa.

[CHUCKLES]
Your assistant's hot.

She's 63, dude.

Hah.

Think my German nanny
really screwed me up.

So, what's with all
this stuff in your office?

Oh, it's that stupid
time of year

when my stupid coworkers'
stupid kids sell crap

to support
their stupid activities.

And stupid people
buy it all.

I can't say no. People around
here are still giving me

the stink eye
'cause I didn't chip in

for Marlene's get-well gift.

Like...

flowers were gonna
uncollapse her lung.

[SCOFFS]

Yeah, I know
how you feel.

People are always asking me
to donate money

to cure some disease
I'm never even gonna get.

What about diseases
they get from you?

I'm not on trial here.

Let's go to lunch.

Or-- Or...

we can stay here and
feast on saltwater taffy

and...assorted popcorn.

The cheddar quadrant's
pretty solid.

Oh, Bingham,
you're here.

Let me go grab the raffle
tickets for my son's band trip.

Oh, that's great. Maybe when
you come back, you can buy

some assorted popcorn from
my son, Jeff Jr., over here.

Ah, that'd be swell, mister.

[SEÑOR HAPPY'S "HOW MANY WAYS"
PLAYING]

* How many ways
To say, "I love you?" *

* How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? *

* With you by my side

* There is no denyin' *

* I can't wait
For me and you *

[**]

So every parent in your office
is pushing their kids' stuff?

Yeah, they're
relentless.

Feel like a tourist
in the streets of Calcutta.

You did a good thing
supporting those kids.

Stop complaining.

I'll stop complaining when
they start selling Scotch.

Hey, guys.
Hey.

Hi, honey.
Oh, hey.

Guess what? The old lady
in apartment 9A just died.

Great news. Alone.
No surviving relatives.

But, see, when I laugh
at the bike messenger

flipping over his handlebars,
I'm the jerk.

It's great news because now
the apartment's for sale.

You guys should
buy it.

Well, they've got that lady
out of there, right?

We've always planned on buying,
but after the wedding.

Apartments in our building
do not come up for sale often,

and this one is
a really good deal.

Well, it would be nice
not to have to ask every time

I want to paint a wall,
or put a stripper pole

in the bedroom.

Real estate's
a sound investment.

Yeah, and we are just throwing
money away on rent.

But isn't it tough to get
approval from the co-op board?

You see, that's
the beauty of this.

Jeff and I have
lived there for 10 years.

If we recommend you,
it's done.

Wow, thanks. That'd be great.
Yeah.

Yeah. We'll be living
in the same building forever.

Our kids will
grow up together.

[QUIETLY]
Our daughter is not allowed
on the stripper pole.

I think we should
go for it.

Okay, let's give it a shot.
Yes. An apartment.

I could kiss that dead old lady
right on the mouth.

Ooh-la-la.

Did you guys see
that hot new waitress?

Smoking hot.
ADAM: Oh, yeah.
She's amazing.

Which one?

Look at her. I'd like to
give her a big tip.

And then the rest
of it.

You know that's
a bad idea.

Yeah, listen, I know better
than to hook up with someone

I see on a regular basis.

Made that mistake
with my stepsister.

Is that you,
Russell?

Well, yeah.

Is that you, you?

Kerry.

Heh, remember?

Yeah, Kerry. From the...

[MUMBLES]

We had sex.

Yes. Kerry from sex.

[LAUGHS]

And you promised me
a recording contract.

Oh, my God. Did I not
drop that in the mail?

I'm a space cadet.

Yeah, I never
got that.

Yeah, it's just that
whole music-biz mix-up,

with the Tupac and the rapping
and all that, you know?

It's all a Suge thing.
It usually funnels through him.

Oh, well.

Yeah, uh, no problem.
So do you want to order?

Oh, yeah. I've been jonesing
for that meatloaf sandwich.

All right.
One meatloaf sandwich.

Oh, and just so you know,
I'm gonna hock a loogie in it.

You know what? I'd love it
without the loogie.

Sorry. No substitutions.

[**]

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Hi. I'm selling gift items

to raise money for
our new school playground.

Sorry, kid, but they already
squeezed me dry at the office,

so, good luck.

There's lots of
good stuff here.

Have you seen
the Sweets-and-Treats section?

Seen it? I own it.

You can't say no.

Let me tell you
about supply and demand.

You are supplying.

I am demanding that
you leave me alone.

You have to buy
at least one thing.

I'll buy one thing from you
if you buy one from me.

How about some running shoes?
Worn only once,

mostly sitting on a park bench
eating a pretzel.

You're not raising money
for anything.

Yeah. I am.

To buy a boat...
take me to an island

where there are no kids
trying to sell me crap.

[SIGHS]

I'm not leaving.

[CHUCKLES]

All right, you win.

Oh, yeah.

Let me drop this stuff off
in my apartment.

[**]

[WAGNER'S "RIDE OF
THE VALKYRIES" PLAYING]

What's with
the music?

Check this out.

Whoo!

[LAUGHING]
Awesome. Right?

Did you just buy that?
Uh-huh.

Oh, it's
gonna get you.

Whoa.

[LAUGHS]

[SHUTS MUSIC OFF]

Hey. It's not so much fun
without the music.

We just agreed to try
to buy the apartment,

and now you run out
and waste money

on a toy meant
for a 7 year old?

Shows what you know.

"Ages 8 and up."
Hm?

Adam, if we're really
gonna try to do this,

you've got to be
more responsible with money.

Hey, honey, I am
responsible as hell.

Last week you bought $200 worth
of illegal fireworks.

For Cinco de Mayo.

And you blew them off
in our kitchen.

Yes.

In the "sink-o."

I'm just saying,
buying this apartment

will change how much
you can spend.

You can't eat out
every night,

and you're gonna have to
use the subway.

I will happily
take the subway...

when they get rid of
the mole people.

Be serious, all right?
You can be late with the rent.

You can't be late
with a mortgage.

You know, you're
gonna have to budget.

Well, you will too.

I watch my spending.

Every day I risk my life
with the mole people.

Fine, I can live on a budget.
I don't have to buy fireworks

or a little helicopter
or a new lamp.

A new lamp?

The helicopter has
a mind of its own.

[**]

Ooh. Look at you
with the mood lighting.

I like it.

It's very romantic.

Why invest in electricity when
I'm already highly leveraged

in scented gift candles?
Hm.

Hm, well, they're working.
It smells nice in here.

Trust me, it shouldn't.

So much for romantic.

All right. Let's
write that

letter of recommendation
for Adam and Jen.

Why do you always get us
involved in stuff like that?

Because I like
to help people.

You knew that
when you married me.

Yeah, but I was hoping life
would beat it out of you.

Well, it hasn't.

Now, come on.
What are we gonna say?

You write it, I'll sign it.

That's our system.

Oh, come on.
This is important.

Why? What's in it
for us?

Knowing that we helped
our good friends take a big step

in their life
and their relationship.

What else
you got?

All right. Now, we need
to say something nice

about Adam and Jen that will
impress the co-op board.

All right.
Adam's a good hang.

And Jen can eat a lot
for a girl.

At my funeral, you are to be
mournful and silent.

[**]

So why are you eating here?
Isn't it kind of risky?

I'm not gonna let
some girl scare me off.

At least till 5,
when she starts her shift.

That's it?

Soup is very filling.

Oh, could I have, like,
10 packets of crackers, please?

All right.

What's going on?
It's obvious.

He's trying to fit
into his prom dress.

Well, now that we may buy
the apartment,

I want to try to be more
responsible with my finances,

because, get this...

Jen thinks I can't
budget my money.

I'm sorry. I started
laughing after "Jen thinks."

[JEFF LAUGHS]

Anyway, I want to show her
that I can do this,

so I got a $60 budget,

and I'm gonna use
this notebook

to account for
every cent.

Cup of soup,
$1.75.

Lost pen, $2.

[RUSSELL
LAUGHS]

Whoa. Kerry's here early.

Let's scram.

Guys. Did you
hear me?

Let's hit the bricks.

Why is there
no skedaddling?

We're staying.
Yeah, I just got my soup.

Seriously. You're gonna
pick the diner over me?

It's kind of a no-brainer.
Yeah.

Fine. You've made
your choice. But just--

Russell?
[SQUEALS]

[**]

Why couldn't we send
the recommendation in the mail?

Because the fact that we're
delivering it in person

shows how much we care.

The fact that I paused
Deadliest Catch

to come down here
should show how much I care.

I don't get what you like
about that show.

It's men doing men's work.

And there's suspense.

Will they catch crabs?
Will they not catch crabs?

Hm.

Sounds like
Russell's dating life.

All right. We're just gonna
hand her the letter

and then say a few nice things
about Adam and Jen.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hi. Mrs. Westlin?

Yes?
Hm. Audrey and Jeff Bingham.

Oh. Yes, of course.

Our dear friends,
Adam and Jennifer in 9A,

are considering buying
that open apartment.

And we wanted to give you
this recommendation.

Certainly.

And we're doing it in person
'cause we really care.

Yeah. Loads.

Well, thank you. We'll
certainly take this seriously.

Mom. That's the guy
who was mean to me.

MRS. WESTLIN:
It is?

Yeah. He tried to
make me buy his shoes.

Worn only once.

[**]

[**]

Excuse me.

Is Kerry
here today?

No, she's not.

Ha-ha. Great.

Um, I'd like
a meatloaf sandwich.

Oh, excellent.

One meatloaf sandwich...

with a loogie.

She got to you too.

Uh...excuse me, sir.

You're the owner,
right?

Yes. What do you need?

My name's
Russell Dunbar.

I'm a long-time customer,
first-time complainer.

I'm gonna need you to fire
two waitresses for me:

uh, Kerry, and--

Ah, might as well get rid
of the whole bunch of 'em.

And I'd like
a meatloaf sandwich.

No.

Not for a snake like you.

Goes all the way
to the top.

Kerry tell me

you promise to send
her demo to Quincy Jones.

You no send demo.

I was going to.

And what you ask her
to do on first date?

Unspeakable.

It was just a suggestion.

[**]

Hi. Is
Mrs. Westlin in?

It's all right, Delia.
I've got it.

Hi. I baked this cake
for you and your son.

It's just my way of apologizing
for my husband's behavior.

Oh. A cake. Uh...

Here. Here.

And-- And I really hope
you won't punish

Adam and Jennifer for
being friends with Jeff.

They're young. They don't
know any better.

[CHUCKLES]
I appreciate the gesture.

And I was very young
when I married him, also.

Let's consider it
water under the bridge.

Thank you.
Uh, enjoy the cake.

It's my grandmother's
top-secret recipe.

Oh, which I can totally give you
if you want, 'cause she's dead.

No. Okay. Okay.

Oh, my keys.

Oh...

my...

God.

[**]

Mm. Pretty good
food, huh?

[SIGHS]

I don't know.
I miss the diner.

Hey, but you gotta admit,
I mean, this is a bargain.

Two baskets of wings, two beers,
all for 4 bucks.

Thank you for keeping me
on budget Wild Wednesdays.

Twenty-one dollars?

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, this should
be $4.

It's...Wild Wednesday.

Today's Tuesday.

[CHUCKLES]
How did we not know that?

[CHUCKLING]

I did know that.

But your reaction was
just the pick-me-up I needed.

Oh. This is great.

Five dollars
for the rest of the week.

Uh, you're gonna need
to lend me some money.

I'll lend you a calendar.

Oh, come on, man.

I can't. I'm
a little light this week.

[**]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

I'm sorry, did you
lose this?

Oh, uh-- I-- I--

Yeah, you got some nerve,
pretending to accept my apology.

You know what? My husband is
a much better person than you.

At least he's honest.

You-- You--
You aren't worthy

of my grammy's
chocolate orgasm cake.

Is there flour in that cake?

What? Yes, of course.

Well, my son is allergic
to gluten.

If he eats that,
he could die.

Well, then he'd go with
a big smile on his face,

'cause this...
cake is...

delicious.

I'm just gonna
get my keys and go.

[**]

How's budgeting
going?

It's great.

Still got
plenty of money.

Good. Because if
we tighten our belts,

I really think we could
afford this place.

Oh, don't worry
about this guy.

He can tighten his belt
any day of the week.

What day of the week
is it again?

Oh, my God.

Exclusive birthday photos
of baby Shiloh.

Ah. I left my wallet at home.

Oh, don't worry.
Adam will buy it for you.

You know what? If Adam
can tighten his belt,

I can tighten mine.
Forget the magazine.

Yeah. Forget the mag--
Are you kidding me?

Come on, be a man.

Step up for your lady.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Can't you just,
like, look at--?

Oh, keep the change.

Uh, no. Um, I--
Thanks, baby.

Mwah. See
you later.

Heh. Bye.

What was that?
A lot more fun than expected.

Yeah, I have,
like, 6 cents left.

Don't worry, Daddy No-Bucks.
I got a paying gig for you.

I called the diner and
ordered a meatloaf sandwich.

It's paid for
under an assumed name.

So all you got to do
is go get it,

and I'll give you 2 bucks.
Two bucks?

Ah, you're right.
No, okay, I'll do it.

[SNICKERS]

What's the name?
Ty Neeweiner.

Come on, if I'm paying.

I want to get my money's
worth. Now...

[WHISTLES]
...go. Scoot.

[CACKLES]

[**]

I, uh--

Takeout for
Ty Neeweiner.

[RUSSELL CACKLES]

You're priceless.

Ah. Yeah. Bring me
my sandwich, you $2 whore.

Don't
touch it.

No. No. No.

You suck, Neeweiner!

[SQUEALS]

[**]

Thanks for making up
for my social faux pas.

I would've, uh, never thought
to show up at that woman's door

with a plateful
of poison.

Adam and Jennifer are not
benefiting from knowing us.

Few people have.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Hey, guys.

Just wanted to tell you
that Adam and I

are going to the bank tomorrow
to talk about a loan.

I am so psyched
about our chances.

You know, maybe now's not a good
time to buy. You guys are young.

You should be...burning
through your money

like a coked-up
rock star.

Yeah, you should
listen to him.

He's a financial
adviser.

But we know it's
not gonna be easy.

But it's worth it
just to own an apartment

in the same building
as you guys.

[**]

And we'll take three tins
of assorted popcorn.

I think you'll
take six.

Woman, I just bought
a Hannah Montana lunch box.

And now it's eight.

Good one, Mom.

Eight it is.

And I'll take those shoes
you tried to sell me.

But I only
wore those once.

And that's all you're
ever gonna wear 'em.

[**]

Hey, you want to
see a movie?

Yeah, sure.
My treat.

[ANGRILY]
Why?

[COINS JINGLE]

[FOOTSTEPS
APPROACH]

All right,
let's go.

Ow!

What are you doing
in my purse?

Stabbing myself
with your tweezers.

And what are they doing
in there?

I mean, wh--? What are you
tweezing outside the home?

What were you looking for?

I was looking for money
because I spent all of mine,

and I lost my receipt book.
And Tuesday is not Wednesday.

You told me you were
doing well with your budget.

Lies. They're all lies.

Look, honey, I'm not
good at saving money,

and I don't want to be
responsible right now.

I want to be late with the rent
and I want to blow things up.

You know what?

We don't have to be
responsible.

Why? Are you secretly rich?

No.

You know, I've been thinking
about it, and--

And I'm fine with
the way our life is.

We can take cabs
and go out to eat,

and blow through our money
like coked-up rock stars.

You're not just saying this
because I blew through

my seven-day budget
in 36 hours?

No. It's actually
30 hours longer

than I thought
you'd last.

And for the record,

I'm not
perfect myself.

You know all those entries
in my checkbook

that say Dr. Janette?

Mm-hm.
It's Janet, my manicurist.

[SIGHS]

I thought you were dying.

[**]

This has gone too far.

Kerry, get out here.

Hey, hey.

Take it easy.

Shouldn't you be in a balcony
insulting Muppets?

Yeah.

You know, I've only had
two loves in my life:

this place and
a wet nurse from Berlin.

I lost Fraulein Schneider,

but I'm not gonna
lose the diner.

What's it gonna take
to make this right?

[**]

Okay, I foot the bill
for all this,

then we're good?

Yes.
Loogie-free for life?

Absolutely.
From the top.

[JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING]

* On the first date

* He asked me to do

* Something

* Unspeakable

* The tiny liar

* Wanted me to do

* Something

* Unspeakable

* The miniature dirtbag

* Wanted me to do--

It was just
a suggestion.

[**]

So we talked it over
and we decided

not to buy the apartment
after all.

You did, did you?

It's just too hard
financially,

especially since we're already
saving for the wedding.

Yeah, so we're gonna have
an awesome fireworks show.

But to thank you
for writing that letter,

we brought you
a little something.

Huh?

Four different kinds
of popcorn.

Get out.

[**]

[**]