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校稿：hahanjia、zetaxedc、mohiwa

同志亦凡人 Queer As Folk S03E01

他倒下了 And he's down for the count.

觀眾們幾近瘋狂 The crowd is going wild.

強力邁克·瓦特尼被瘋狗肯尼 Mighty Mike Novotny has taken it on the chin

擊中下顎 from mad dog Kinney.

七 八 九 起來 你這廢物 Seven, eight, nine. Get up, you bum.

新的冠軍就是.. The winner and new champion is...

等等 冠軍加冕前 Hold it. Before we crown the champ,

讓我們先給大家一個詳細回顧 Let's give all you sports fans a blow-by-blow recap,

讓大家了解一下到底發生什麼事 so can see for yourselves what the fuck just happened.

說實話 我自己都不知道 Tell you the truth, I wouldn't mind knowing

剛剛到底是怎麼回事 what the fuck happened myself.

上週 那個瘋狗 It was a week ago, the night that mad dog...

我指布萊恩 為《狂怒俠》辦派對的晚上 I mean, Brian, threw the party for "Rage".

回我那吧 Let's go back to my place.

我得說《狂怒俠》真是火爆啊 I would say that "Rage" is all the rage.

是啊 Yeah.

待會見 See you later.

是很長 很長的一會兒 Much, much later.

-天啊 他們真的要.. -做嗎 - God. Do you think they're actually going to... - Do it?

你覺得我們回家 Hey, what do you say that we go home

繼續慶祝如何？ and continue the celebration, huh?

-等一下 我得去找布萊恩 -好吧 - In a minute. I have to find brian. - Okay.

我上次見到他的時候 Last time I saw him,

他好像若無其事一般 he was feeling no pain.

對呀 他正在和第4689號 Yeah, getting it on

裸體小嫩弟親熱呢 with shirtless wonder 4,689.

他剛和賈斯汀分手 He and Justin just broke up.

什麼 What?

你在說什麼 What are you talking about?

賈斯汀有別人了 Justin's been seeing someone else.

他們不是一直都有別人嗎 Aren't they always seeing somebody else?

這次不一樣 This time, it's different.

我待會回來 I'll be back.

我都快煩死了 It just bugs me,

他看上去一點都不.. 'cause he doesn't even seem to...

布萊恩 Brian!

布萊恩 Brian!

我說過會拉小夜曲叫你起床的 I promised I'd serenade you awake, didn't I?

你還答應要準備床上早餐給我 You also promised me breakfast in bed.

黑巧克力 Dark chocolate.

還能有別的嗎 Is there any other kind?

我真不敢相信你終於來了 I can't believe you're finally here,

整晚都跟我在一起 that we actually spent the entire night together.

我是來了 I'm here...

但我不能待很久 But I can't stay.

我得去上課 I have to go to class,

然後去上班 then to work.

還得去拿回東西 I also have to pick up my stuff.

如果他在那怎麼辦 What if he's there?

那又怎樣 What if he is?

我不在乎 I don't care.

我現在和你在一起 I'm with you now.

布萊恩 Brian...

你他媽去哪了 你沒事吧 Where the fuck are you? Are you all right?

回我電話 Call me.

一共5.25美元含稅 That'll be 5.25, with tax.

我還要一件狂怒俠T恤 I'll take a rage t-shirt too.

這件是非賣品 Oh, this is not for sale.

這漫畫還有嗎？ Do you have any more copies?

好像剛剛賣完 Looks like I just sold my last one.

第二期什麼時候會出 When is issue two coming out?

不會出了 It's not.

那狂怒俠和J.T.接下來會怎麼樣 But what's going to happen to Rage and J.T.?

-他們會在一起嗎 -是啊 - Are they going to get together? - Yeah,

如果他們在一起了 西風會不會崩潰啊? and will Zephyr have a cosmic meltdown if they do?

我想我們永遠都不會知道結果 I guess we'll never know, so

好好收藏你的漫畫吧 hang on to your comic books, guys.

它可會成為收藏家的逸品 It's about to become a true collector's item.

布萊恩? Brian?

布萊恩 Brian

好了 把書拿走 Okay, time to put that away

享用你的粉紅特餐 and eat your pink-plate specials

別等到飯菜都涼了 你的 寶貝 Before they get cold. There you go, baby.

-謝謝 -謝謝 - Thank you. - Thanks.

你知道那本書是誰寫的嗎 You know you wrote that, don't you?

我兒子 My son,

邁克·瓦特尼 Michael Novotny.

別偷吃檸檬蛋糕 No snatching the lemon bars,

就算你是個天才 even if you are a genius.

你們做了 對不對 You did it, didn't you?

我們知道你們做了 We know you did it.

爽不爽？ 嗨不嗨？ Was it heaven? Was it bliss?

讓我做個交互詰問 Permit me to do the cross-examining.

誰是1號？ 誰是0號？ Who was top? Who was bottom?

天啊 這話像我會問的 Christ, you sound like me.

等等 我是不是錯過什麼了 Hold on. Did I miss something?

你們不會真的 You guys didn't actually...

注意法庭上秩序！ Order in the court.

快回答問題 Answer the question.

我們不如說 Well, let's just say

那是 it was

與眾不同的一夜 a night like no other.

我會記得的 And I'll remember it

永遠 Always.

記得什麼 Remember what?

我們沒告訴你嗎 Didn't we tell you?

快點說啦 Tell me!

真替你們高興 Oh, we're so thrilled for you!

不久後你們就會慶祝週年紀念了 就像我們 Soon you'll be celebrating your anniversary, just like us.

週年紀念 Anniversary?

你們才剛結婚 You just got married.

我們總是在慶祝 We've always celebrate the day

在一起的那一天 we first got together.

我的朋友阿尼和愛德華 My friends Arnie and Edward,

他們慶祝第一次做愛的日子 they celebrate the day they first fucked.

同一回事 Same thing.

給你的 And one for you...

希望你們那天都到場 We expect you all to be there.

這次別指望什麼禮物了 Well, don't expect any gifts this time.

除了 Except...

這張怎麼辦 What do we do with this?

我猜他們不會來了 Guess they won't be coming.

起碼不是一起來 At least, not together.

可憐的陽光小子 Poor sunshine.

他真的很愛他 He really loved him.

布萊恩也很愛他 And brian really loved him.

他應該表現出來 Yeah well, he should've showed it.

他有 用他自己的方式 He did, in his way.

可憐的布萊恩一定躲起來了 Poor Brian must be sequestered away,

傷心得要死 devastated,

丟臉得要死 disgraced,

崩潰得要死 broken,

羞愧得要死 humiliated...

或許他現在正打算 Or maybe now he's, you know,

重新出發 開始新生活 planning to pack his bags and move on,

現在他再也不是匹茲堡的頭號同志 Now that he's no longer Pittsburgh's numero uno homo.

我的死亡報告 Well, reports of my death have been...

還真是誇張啊 greatly exaggerated.

你在那多久了 How long have you been there?

久到足夠我.... Long enough...

認清誰才是真正的朋友 to know who my real friends are.

布萊恩 Brian

你還好嗎 You okay?

極好啊 還是一樣光彩耀人 I'm brilliant, dazzling.

你是打算就在那裏站著 You gonna just stand there,

還是要去幹活 Or you gonna get to work?

你想幹嘛 What do you want?

天氣這麼好 Well, it's such a lovely day,

我想出來散散步 I thought I'd go for a stroll,

看看風景 You know, take in the sights.

看我丟垃圾嗎 Me, throwing out garbage?

是啊 你對丟東西可在行了 Yeah well, you're so good at dumping things.

你大可不必 You didn't have to walk out on him like that

當所有人的面前離開他 In front of everyone, you know.

我本來想對他說「操你自己去吧」 I would've told him to go fuck himself,

但他已經在暗房 but he was already doing that

用力操著狂怒俠 in the back room with rage.

在他為你做了這麼多之後 How can you be such a shit,

你怎麼可以這樣呢 after all he's done for you?

我知道他為我做了什麼 I know what he's done for me.

你從一開始就知道的 And you knew who he was,

他就是這種人 right from the beginning. Yeah.

當初可還是你告訴我的 You're the one who told me.

你覺得你能改變他 And did you think that you could change him?

讓他為你而改變 That he would change for you?

我不想再談這件事了 I don't want to talk about it.

當然不 一切都結束了 Of course not. It's over.

換下一個去！ 你已經得到你要的了 On to the next. You got what you wanted.

你也是 So did you.

從我們見面的第一晚 From the first night that we met,

從他帶我回家幹我那一刻開始 and he took me home and fucked me,

你就希望我消失 you have wanted me gone.

小邁 你的願望終於實現了 Well, Mikey, you finally got your wish.

再也沒什麼阻礙你了 There's nothing standing in your way any more.

他是你的了 He's all yours. You know,

既然你和布萊恩不在一起了 Since you're no longer with Brian,

那你也不必留在這了 對吧 there's really no reason for you to be here, is there?

所以不如幫大家 So why don't you just do us all a favour,

還有你自己一個忙 消失吧 including yourself, and disappear?

再靠緊一點 Now huddle in just a little closer together.

好了 學「舔穴」 Okay now. Say "Cunnilingus".

-他們真可愛 -很可愛 - Oh, aren't they adorable. - Precious.

-待會見 你們這對鴛鴦 -再見 - Okay, we'll see you two lovebirds later. - Bye.

再見 Bye-bye.

待會見 Later.

再見 Bye.

他們覺得我們做了 They think we did it.

每個人都這麼覺得 Everybody thinks we did it.

他們這麼瞎猜我們也沒辦法啊 Well, can we help it if they make certain assumptions?

他們這麼瞎猜 Didn't they make certain assumptions

還不是我們造成的 because we let them make certain assumptions?

我們又不是存心騙他們 It's not as if we lied to them...

也不是我們不想做 Or didn't want to do it.

我們是很想做的 We so wanted to do it.

但那天太晚了 But it was late.

我喝了太多狂怒馬丁尼 I, for one, had far too many rage-tinis.

我都睜不開眼睛了 I could barely keep my eyes open.

然後 我們就睡著了 Next thing you know, we were asleep.

至少我們是睡在同一張床上的 Well, at least, we were in the same bed together.

對 理論上來說 Yeah, which means, technically,

-我們的確一起睡過了 -理論上 - We did sleep together. - Technically.

反正 等我們真的 Anyway, when we finally do...

-做 -做的時候 - It. - It...

我們就好好做吧 We want it to be just right.

對吧 Right?

沒錯 Right.

絕對正確 超級正確 Absolutely right. Incredibly right.

極為正確 Beautifully right.

是 我了解 我了解 當然 No, I know, I know. Of course.

我完全了解 只是 I completely understand. It's just that,

既然我決定不去西藏了 Since I decided not to go to tibet after all,

我想你也許可以 I thought that maybe you would...

那好吧 Oh. Okay then.

祝你一切順利 Um, I hope all goes well.

是啊 你也是 Yeah, right. You too.

再見 Bye.

賤貨 Bitch.

不好嗎 No luck?

她說她那麼有誠意地承租 Oh, she said she signed the lease in good faith,

就打算要住下去 and she intends to stay.

我幹嘛把房子租給一個法學教授? Why did I have to sublet my place to a law professor?

只能繼續找了 Guess I'd better start searching.

看看校內住宿吧 Check out campus housing.

何必呢？ Why do that?

我得有地方住 I've got to find some place to live.

住這吧 Live here.

那 是在這住幾天 Well, live here for a couple of days,

還是一直住下去 Or live here... for good?

一直住下去 For good.

為什麼不呢 Why not?

只是 It's just that,

我們準備好同居了嗎 Are we ready for this?

我們從來沒討論過這件事 I mean, we've... we've never discussed it.

討論什麼 What's to discuss?

這是一種承諾 It's a commitment.

難道我們承諾的還不夠嗎 Aren't we committed?

-當然夠啦 -那還有什麼問題 - Of course we are. - So what's the problem?

你擔心我們合不來 You afraid we're not going to be compatible?

世事難料 You never know.

好吧 布魯克納教授 All right, professor Bruckner,

你會開狂野派對嗎 Do you throw wild parties?

你會整晚大聲的放音樂嗎 Do you play loud music all night?

你會霸占洗手間嗎 Do you spend hours in the bathroom?

我想想 我還忘了什麼 Let's see. What else am I forgetting?

就差這個 Just this.

我覺得我們會相處得很好 I say we're going to get along just fine.

各位好啊 Hi, boys.

希望沒有打擾到你們 Hope I'm interrupting something.

小艾 你對 Em, what would you say to...

班搬到這裡住有意見嗎 Ben moving in here?

這麼多人住 地方有點小 It's kind of a lot of people in a small space.

不過我就喜歡大家擠在一塊 But hey, I like a lot of people in a small space.

你和泰德怎麼樣了 What about you and... Ted?

對 你和泰德怎麼樣了 Yeah, what about you and ted?

我以為你硬著頭皮 I-I thought you were going to bite the bullet

拒絕他了 and tell him no.

我只能說 硬的是其他地方 Let's just say I decided to bite something else.

你們決定在一起 It's great

真是太棒了 you guys decided to get together.

因為他三不五時就出現在我面前 To think he's been right in front of my nose all along.

但我還是無法想象 Still, I can't imagine having sex

和好友上床 With your best friend.

真的嗎 Really?

那又怎樣 不好意思 So... so what? I'm sorry,

就因為你無法想象這樣 Because you can't imagine it,

怎麼 泰德和我就不能像 What? Teddy and I don't deserve to be

你和班一樣快樂 as happy as you and ben?

我不是這個意思 I didn't mean that.

我希望你們什麼都好 I want you to have everything in the world,

包括完美的性愛 including the hottest sex.

我只是不想聽到這個 I just don't want to hear about it.

你怎麼能就這麼讓他走了 How could you just let him walk out like that?

那你要我怎麼做 What would you have had me do?

跪下來求他別走 Throw myself down on my knees and beg him not to go?

他離開我一點也不意外 Well, I'm not surprised he left.

其實我早就知道會這樣 In fact, I saw it coming.

聽到了嗎 陽光小子 Did you hear that, sunny boy?

你媽可真是個有先見的破麻啊 What a perceptive puss your momma is.

不只是我 大家都這麼認為 Well, it wasn't just me. It was everyone.

你那麼對待他 連一點點浪漫 The way you treated him, refusing to make

都不願意表現出來 even the slightest romantic gesture.

他會投向別人懷抱 也不奇怪 It's no wonder he found someone else.

但是 However...

一切還不算晚 it's not too late.

-什麼？ -把他追回來 - For what? - To get him back.

媽的 少給我擺出 Oh, don't give me that...

那樣高傲的賤笑 fucking superior sneer.

你只要告訴他你愛他就好 All you have to do is tell him you love him.

這要求不過分 一點小犧牲而已 It's not too much to ask, a small sacrifice.

然後我們就會成為幸福的一對 And then we could be a happy couple,

就像你和茉蕾妮 like you and Melanie,

或者小邁和他的教授 or... or Mikey and the professor.

還有...我的老天啊 泰德和艾美特 God help us, Ted and Emmett.

那有什麼不好的 And what is so terrible with that?

沒什麼 只是 Nothing. It's just that...

我不是拉子 I'm not a dyke.

也不是與日俱增的歪種小屁精 Or one of the growing legions of dickless fags

以為裝裝樣子 who think that by imitating them,

就能找到真正的幸福 they're going to find true happiness.

所以你寧可隻身一人 So you'd rather be alone,

也不要和一個愛著你 than be with the one person who loved you enough

願意包容你的人在一起 to almost put up with all your bullshit...

我從沒愛過他 I never loved him.

就算愛過 也從沒要求他 And even if I did, I'd never ask him

把我看得比他自己還重要 也不要他 to put my needs above his or

為了討好我而改變自己 be something he's not to make me happy.

我告訴過他如果得不到自己想要的 I'd tell him if he's not getting what he wants,

就離開我去別處找 Then go find it someplace else.

好吧 這堂課他肯定學會了 Well, he certainly learned his lesson.

恭喜 Congratulations.

琪琪 以前叫肯尼的 Kiki, the new waitress,

那個新來的服務生 formerly Kenny the waiter,

告訴我 賈斯汀今天辭職了 told me that Justin quit today,

就那樣 Just like that.

該死的起司刨絲器又跑哪去了 Where in the fuck is the cheese grater?

聽聽看 Oh, and get this.

他臨走前 還留了句話 On his way out the door, he says,

「記得跟黛比說我走了」 "Be sure and tell Debbie I said goodbye."

說的就像他只是去逛街一樣 Like he was going around the goddamn corner.

怎麼了 What's the matter?

這裡面一點肉都沒有 There's no meat in this.

女孩們說要吃素 The girls wanted vegetarian.

拉子千層麵 Lesbian lasagna.

看在老天爺的份上 邁克 For christ's sake, Michael,

又沒要你去舔女人的鮑魚 It's not like you have to eat pussy.

-媽 -我為了他做了那麼多 - Mother! - And after all I did for that kid.

我們為他做了這麼多 After what we all did.

我可是明確的告訴過他了 I told him, loud and clear...

告訴他什麼 Told him what?

說他是個自私又不知感恩的混蛋 That he's a selfish, ungrateful little prick,

他早就該滾蛋了 and he should get the fuck out of our lives.

你這麼跟他說了 You told him that?

當然 I sure did.

拿來 Give me that.

你怎麼了 What's the matter with you?

不管他們倆之間怎麼了 Whatever happened between those two boys

都跟你他媽的毫無關係 is none of your goddamn business.

布萊恩剛好是我最好的朋友 Brian happens to be my best friend.

我最了解你所謂的好朋友 Yeah, I know all about your best friend.

如果你問我 And if you ask me,

賈斯汀做的很對 希望.. Justin did the right thing. Hopefully, this...

這個叫伊森的孩子會珍惜他 Ethan kid will appreciate him.

布萊恩珍惜他 什麼都為他做 Brian appreciated him. He did everything for him.

什麼都做 除了愛他 Everything but love him.

但他不會愛任何人 But then he can't love anybody.

即使是你 Not even you.

「時光飛逝」 "Time passed,

「看來美女一去不復返了」 and it looked as if beauty would never return.

「於是野獸又開始了與世隔絕的生活」 And so the beast shut himself away from the world,

「沉浸在孤獨與絕望中」 in loneliness and despair."

這只是個童話 It's only a fairy tale.

我知道 I know.

看我找到了什麼 Look what I found.

我們剛在一起時的照片 A photo, right after we got together.

八年了 Eight years.

-轉眼之間就過去了 -一個眨眼 - Goes by in a blink. -A flash.

一個微笑之間 A smile.

你一點也沒變 You haven't changed a bit.

你也是 Neither have you.

-騙人 -騙人 - Liar. - Liar!

親愛的 琳賽 Cutie! Linz,

看誰來了 Look who's here.

親愛的 進來 Sweetie. Come on in.

希望我不會太晚到 I hope it's not too late.

不會 我們正準備派對呢 No. We were just setting up for the party.

你會參加 對吧 You'll be here, won't you?

事實上我還有其他事 Actually I have other plans.

我過來把這個給你們 I-I came by now to give you guys this.

-你不必送我們禮物 -祝你們週年紀念快樂 - Oh, you didn't have to bring us... - Happy anniversary.

等等 你才剛到 Uh, wait. You just got here.

伊森在等我 Ethan's waiting for me.

可以的話就帶他一起來 Well, you can bring him too, if you want.

如果你怕撞見布萊恩的話 And if you're worried about running into Brian,

別擔心 forget it.

他不會出現的 This is the last place he'd be.

不只那個 It wasn't just that.

我只是覺得沒有我 你們可能會自在些 I figured it would be easier for you guys if I wasn't around.

你怎麼會這麼想？ Why the hell would you think that?

你們本來是他朋友 You were his friends first.

但你也是我們的朋友 But you're our friend too.

我們像愛他一樣愛你 We love you the same as him...

可能還多一點 If not more.

所以這個你先拿著 So why don't you hold on to that,

等派對舉行時再給我們吧 And give it to us at the party?

我還在想你會不會過來呢 I was hoping you'd make your way over here.

你剛看到了嗎 Would you look at that.

老天爺 我以為死了也見不到這天呢 My god, I never thought I'd live to see the day.

布萊恩·肯尼 被打槍！ Brian Kinney, rejected.

他的行情暴跌 His stock has plummeted.

同志圈的納斯達克指數 The NASDAQ of fags.

我早告訴過你要小心 I'm telling you, you've got to be so careful

這年頭可不能到處亂插 What you put it into these days.

你聽到他們說的了嗎？ Did you hear what they were saying?

真是兩個卑鄙 惡毒的臭婊子 Mean, vicious cunts.

又愛嫌棄自已的陳腔濫調 Self-loathing stereotypes.

有意思 我倒覺得他們和我們很像呢 Funny, I thought they sounded an awful lot like us.

我們可以那麼批評啊 We're allowed to talk that way.

我們是他的朋友 We're his friends.

咱倆過去讓他虧一虧 What do you say we go over

你覺得怎麼樣 And let him insult us for a little while.

好主意 或許讓他感覺好受些 Oh, good idea. Might make him feel better.

我以為你們倆回家滾床單去了 I thought you two'd be home staining the sheets.

誰啊 這位一定是 Why, it must be...

黛比 Debbie.

還有維克 Oh, and Vic.

城裡的一對新人 The new twosome in town.

我覺得你們不錯啊 I think it's great.

不要聽別人說什麼 And don't let anyone tell you

你們的未來不樂觀 The odds are stacked against you.

不樂觀？ What odds?

天哪 維克 For Christ's sake, Vic,

你不會又要扯上卡洛斯的事吧 You're not gonna bring up Carlos, are you?

你會把他們嚇壞的 Scare the fucking shit out of them.

我沒打算要說啊 I wasn't planning to.

誰是卡洛斯啊 Who, um... who's Carlos?

沒事 我姐就是多嘴 Forget it. My sister's got a big mouth.

我倒沒注意 Never noticed.

他和維克曾是好朋友 像你倆現在一樣 He and Vic were best friends. Like you two.

曾是形影不離好多年的朋友 I mean, for years they were inseparable.

然後某一天 卡洛斯對維克說 And then one day, Carlos says to Vic,

「我愛上了一個人」 "I'm in love with somebody."

維克問「是誰」 卡洛斯說「是你」 Vic says, "Who?" Carlos says, "You."

我想警告他們 別有一天連朋友也做不成 I tried to warn them not to mess with a good thing,

但他們還是在一起了 But they went ahead with it anyway.

三個月後 And three months later,

卡洛斯不告而別 Carlos vanishes without a trace,

然後這位就發瘋了 And this one's around the bend.

你漏了一些細節 You're leaving out a few details.

關鍵是 The point is...

關鍵是 The point is,

這跟他們倆沒有關係 It has nothing to do with them.

玩得愉快 Have a nice night, guys.

玩開心點 Have a nice night, guys.

我從沒想過你有 I never realized you had...

這麼多衣服 So many clothes.

我真沒想到你的衣櫃那麼小 Well, I never realized your closet was so small.

要怎樣才能全塞進去呢 Well, how are we supposed to cram it all in?

我們可從沒遇過這種問題 You know, we never had problems before.

原本應該是 We're supposed to...

把你「搬進來」 Be moving you in.

那好吧 All right. Ah-h.

就在那邊怎樣 How about right there?

好吧 這邊有點硬 All right now, these are hard.

你...好了 You have... okay.

我讓你們倆獨處 I leave the two of you alone

五分鐘 For five minutes...

天啊 布萊恩 Christ, Brian.

你是怎麼進來的 How'd you get in here?

彆尿專用救急鑰匙 My widdle key.

-那是救急用的 -沒錯 - That's for emergencies. - Exactly.

如果不找個人陪我去巴比倫 If I don't find someone to go to Babylon with me,

我會死的 I'll die.

你發什麼神經啊 What is the matter with you?

-你們繼續 -滾 - Go on. - Get out.

班才剛住進來 Ben's just moving in.

受苦的莎孚啊 (女同志詩人) Suffering Sappho.

你也一樣 You too.

等一會兒打給你 Look, I'll call you later.

邁克 Michael.

跟他去吧 Why don't you go with him?

現在 Now?

來 看看他 Come on, look... look at him.

這可憐蟲要有人陪 The poor guy needs a friend.

如果沒了你 我也一樣 I would too, if I ever lost you.

那我們呢 這是你在這的第一晚 But what about us? This is your first night here.

還有很多機會 And there'll be others.

我現在住這 I live here now,

記得嗎 Remember?

現在我能進來了嗎 Can I coming now?

再等會兒 Hold on.

進來吧 OK

天啊 Jesus.

好像施瓦茲玩具商店 Looks like Fao Schwartz

要開成人玩具部門了 decided to open an adult toys department.

少廢話 快上床 Shut up and get in bed.

好吧 Okay.

閉上眼睛 Well, close your eyes.

為什麼 What for?

-我害羞 -害什麼羞? - I'm modest. - Modest?

我在網站上看你打手槍都不下100次了 I've seen you whack off on the website 100 times.

情況不同 Well, that was different.

那是工作 That was work.

現在是你和我的第一次 This is you and me. It's our first time.

我想純潔一點 I want it to be innocent,

知道嗎 充滿著 You know, filled with...

期待 Anticipation, and...

探索 And discovery...

愉悅 Joy.

快點 閉上 Now, go on.

好了 可以睜眼了 Okay, you can open them.

就這樣了 Well... here we are.

你會覺得我的心激動如小鹿亂撞 You'd think my heart was running in the Preakness.

我雙手冷得像冰一樣 你摸摸 My hands are cold as ice. Feel.

抱歉 Sorry.

沒事 It's all right.

我們只要 We just need to...

平靜下來就好 放輕鬆 Calm down. Take it easy.

慢慢來 Go slow.

別期待太多 And don't expect too much.

以防萬一 So in case there's no...

你知道 You know...

沒有激情 沒有火花 Fireworks or fanfare or...

沒有匹茲堡管弦樂團演奏的 The Pittsburgh pops playing

《1812序曲》 the "1812 overture",

我們也不會像維克和卡洛斯那樣結束的 We won't end up like Vic and Carlos.

你猜是怎麼回事 What do you suppose happened?

最好別知道 It's best not to know.

說不定會讓我們變得 It might incapacitate us

充滿自我懷疑和恐懼 With self-doubt and fear.

小泰 Teddy?

什麼 Yeah?

你明白我是愛你的 對吧 You know I love you. Right?

我也愛你 You too.

在這個世界上所有的人中 Out of all the people in the world,

我只覺得和你最親近 There's no one I feel closer to than you.

那如果這一切搞砸了 So what if this doesn't work out?

我們還能做普通朋友嗎 Can we still go back to being just friends?

布萊恩 Brian.

布萊恩 Brian!

布萊恩 我得走了 Brian, I've got to go.

班在等我 Ben's waiting.

我肯定你家教授已經蓋好被子 I'm sure the professor's all tucked in

進入夢鄉了 And in dreamland by now.

要維他命嗎 Vitamins?

不用 謝了 No, thanks.

一切如往昔 不是嗎 It's just like old times, isn't it?

是啊 你醉了 我載你回家 Yeah, you get loaded, and I get to take you home.

我是說 I mean...

只有我們倆 Just you and me.

跟我來 Come on.

不知道是因為音樂 Whether it was the music,

還是布萊恩的秘製11味「香料」 Or Brian's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices,

或者正如他所說的 Or because it was, like he said,

一切如往昔 The way it used to be,

其它的一切都消失了 Everything seemed to vanish,

只有我們兩人站在舞臺 Until it was just the two of us up there...

獨自起舞 Alone.

大家都到這邊來 Can you just gather in the group?

這就對了 來 說「機掰」 That's it. Okay now, say, "Pussy!"

機掰 Pussy!

這幾乎也能算是我們的周年紀念 This nearly was ours. Hmm.

一個無麵粉的周年紀念蛋糕 A flourless anniversary cake.

還有幾根檀香蠟燭 Sandalwood candles.

「八周年快樂 愛你們的朵莉與蘿賓」 "HAPPY 8th. LOVE, DORY AND ROBYN."

機掰 Pussy!

還要照照相 And our latest photo

要收錄在我們的紀念冊裡 For our keep-sake album,

提醒我們比去年更老一些了 Showing us a little bit older than the year before.

青春一去不回 And the year before that.

相互撒謊 Lying to each other...

-「你好帥」 -「不 沒你帥」 - "You look great!" - "No, you look great."

-「不不 你才帥呢」 -「你帥你帥」 - "No, you look great." - "You..."

小倆口 Hey! Lovebirds.

你們好漂亮 You look great!

小情侶 Lovebirds.

-周年快樂 -周年快樂 - Happy anniversary. - Happy anniversary.

明年就該你們倆了 Next year it'll be you two.

對 就像我們這樣 Yeah, just like us.

再見 玩開心點 Bye! Have fun.

你見過這麼多對情侶嗎 Have you ever seen so many couples?

世道不同了 Ah, it's the new world order.

對異性戀好的 對同性戀也好 What's good for the heteros is good for the homos.

你的口氣和你的舞伴一樣呢 You sound suspiciously like your dancing partner.

昨晚你什麼時候回來的 What time did you get in last night?

沒有很晚 不過你已經睡了 Not too late. Y... you were already asleep.

那你玩得爽嗎 Hm. Did you have fun?

老樣子 老樣子 Same old, same old. Yeah,

還是那些正點音樂和半裸男人 Same old hot music, same old half-naked men.

他來這幹嘛 What's he doing here?

拉拉們有邀請他 The girls invited him.

他還真有膽子出現 Yeah, and he has the fucking nerve

把新男朋友也帶來了 to bring his new boyfriend.

我們很高興你能來 Hi. We're so glad to have you,

我們的院子裡 in our... in our yard.

我說 選愛德華國王 I say we go for the King Edward.

我選瑪麗女王 I say the Queen Mary.

你們不如各弄個 Why don't you each get

艾伯特親王 (陰莖穿環) a Prince Albert

問題不就解決了 and be done with it?

我們不是在討論穿環 We're not discussing piercings.

是在選鍍銀餐具 They're silver patterns. And he's being

他就是一如既往地固執 his usual goddamned stubborn self.

我固執？ 是我固執 I'm stubborn? I'm stubborn.

我們終於決定碗盤要選藍色矢車菊圖案 We finally decide on blue cornflower for plates.

我們也列好禮品清單了 We registered and everything.

然後他又反悔了 And then he changes his mind.

我有反悔的自由 I'm allowed to change my mind.

好啊 那我是不是也該反悔一下 Well then, maybe then I should change mine

連儀式也別要了 about even having the ceremony.

你竟然對我說出這種話 How dare you say that to me

我們都在一起9個月了 after being together for nine months?

上帝啊 難道老派同志都死光了嗎 Christ, aren't there any good old-fashioned queers left?

不是我在意 不過 You know, not that I give a fuck, but...

我認識一對拉拉 能給你們這對熊爸一點建議 I know a couple of bulls who could advise you bears.

給你 寶貝 There you go, honey.

幫我把這些端到外面去 Wanna take these outside for me?

大家都等著呢 謝謝 There are people waiting for it. Thank you. Mm-hmm.

嘿 站住 Hey. Hold it.

給我老老實實過來 Get your perky little butt back here.

你從什麼時候開始看到我 Since when do you walk by me

擦身而過不打招呼？ and not say hello?

黛比 拜託 這已經很不容易了 Deb, please. This is hard enough.

如果你能表現得有禮貌點 Yeah well, you'd make it easier on yourself

就會容易多了 if you showed some manners.

這他媽是誰 Who the fuck's he?

這是伊森 This is Ethan. Hmm.

新男友啊 我是黛比 嗨 The new boyfriend. I'm Debbie. Hi.

從小陽光離家以後 I've been keeping an eye on Sunshine

是我一直在照顧他 ever since he left home.

小陽光 Sunshine?

有問題嗎 You got a problem with that?

不 沒問題 No. No problem.

不管我兒子跟你說了什麼 Whatever my son said to you,

他都不代表我和其他人的意見 he does not speak for me, or anyone else.

我們仍然愛你 We all still love you,

你始終是這個家庭的一員 and you're still a member of this family.

我把話說清楚了嗎 Do I make myself clear?

清楚了 Yeah.

明天一早就回餐館來 I expect you back at the diner first thing tomorrow.

不准遲到 Don't be late.

至於你 As for you...

你還真是他媽的可愛啊 You're fucking adorable is what you are.

不好意思 Ah, excuse me?

抱歉 我能... Excuse me? Um, can I...

不好意思 Oh, sorry.

你來這裡幹什麼 What the hell are you doing here?

你們有邀請我吧 I believe I was invited.

-你說過你不來的 -本來是 - You said you weren't coming. - I wasn't.

不過呢 我的兩個新朋友 However, uh, my two new best friends...

-奈德 -巴特 - Ned. - Bart.

他們拿不定主意 They can't make up their minds:

是該選瑪麗女王還是愛德華國王 The Queen Mary or King Edward?

我想你們能幫上忙 And I thought maybe you could settle it for them.

我得撒個尿 Gotta piss.

天啊 布萊恩 Christ. Brian...

專心點尿 Watch where you're aiming.

你就不能等我尿完嗎 Can't you wait till I'm finished?

有什麼關係？ 我都看過了 What's the big deal? I've seen it.

別忘了洗手 Don't forget to wash your hands.

順便說一句 By the way...

希望你得到了你想要的 I hope you get what you want.

愛德華國王很棒 The King Edward is stunning.

瑪麗女王很經典 And the Queen Mary's a classic.

不過我們最後選了亞歷珊卓皇后 But we went with the Empress Alexandra.

對晚宴來說夠高雅 It's elegant enough for dinner...

日常使用也夠耐用 But sturdy enough for every day. Yeah.

很漂亮 It's lovely.

你覺得怎麼樣 親愛的 Don't you think so, honey?

很漂亮 Lovely.

你們倆在一起多久了 So how long have you two been together?

目前為止八年了 Uh, eight years and still counting.

-百毒不侵 -百毒不侵 (意第緒語) - Kain ein horeh! - Kain ein horeh!

那個小賤屌倒真是有膽子 Do you believe the nerve of that little twat,

居然帶著新男朋友在這出現 showing up here with his new boyfriend?

我已經叫他滾蛋了 I told him to stay the fuck out of our lives.

你幹嘛那麼說 Why'd you do that?

瞧他幹了什麼好事 After what he did?

他什麼也沒做 He didn't do anything.

我們又沒結婚 We were never happily married.

他想分手就可以分手 我也是 He was always free to go. So was I.

你說的倒好聽 他就是一個自私鬼 You're just saying that. He's a selfish shit.

-別說了 邁克 -他利用了你 - Be quiet, Michael. - He used you,

他拿了你的好處 and he took from you

卻不回報 and he never gave back a thing.

我說 別說了 I said be quiet.

你救了他一命 And this is the thanks you

他卻這樣報答你 get for saving his life.

叫我說 根本就不值 If you ask me, it wasn't worth it.

你不如當時把他丟在那裡不管 You might as well have just left him lying there...

觀眾們 你們現在看到的畫面 And there you have it, folks,

就是打倒強人邁克·瓦特尼 the instant recap leading to the surprise punch

驚天動地的那一拳 that landed Mighty Mike Novotny on his keister.

邁克 Michael!

靠 Shit!

靠 Shit!

有醫生或護士嗎 Is there... is there a nurse or a doctor?

布萊恩 他發什麼瘋？ Brian! What's his problem?

你這個畜牲 You fucking animal,

竟敢打我兒子 hitting my kid.

天啊 你還好吧 Jesus. Are you all right?

你這個賤人 You son of a bitch!

別 不要 No, don't!

男人都這樣嗎 Do men always do that?

-我沒事 -我看看 親愛的 - I'm all right. - Lemme see, sweetheart. Lemme see.

布萊恩 我想你最好離開 Brian, I think you better leave.

馬上 Now!

混帳 Asshole.

看都別看他 Don't even look at him...

走吧 混蛋 出去 Go, asshole. Get out.

我覺得該走了 I figure it's time to leave.

沒有彩球燈嗎 No color wheel?

-沒有 -那 - No. - No...

沒有假屌嗎 Dildos?

沒有 No.

沒有睡袍嗎 No robe?

只有我 光溜溜的 Just me, in the flesh.

你想清楚了 百分之百肯定 Now, are we absolutely, 100% positive

我們要做了嗎 we want to go through with this?

百分百肯定嗎 Absolutely 100%?

沒有 No.

難道你不覺得值得冒這個險嗎 But don't you think it's worth the risk?

十分鐘內見真章 I guess we'll know in about 10 minutes.

十分鐘嗎 10 minutes? Huh.

至少也要半小時吧 Let's, uh... let's give it at least half an hour.

好的 Huh. Right.

開始吧 Here goes.

等等 Uh, wait.

我只是想說 I... I just want to say,

不管發生了什麼 no matter what happens,

我答應你絕對不會不告而別 I promise not to vanish without a trace.

那我答應你不會發瘋 And I promise not to go around the bend.

等等 Uh, wait.

祝好運 小泰 Good luck, Teddy.

祝成功 小艾 Break a leg, Em.

我在工作 你想幹什麼 I'm working. What do you want?

給你這個 To give you this.

和好的禮物嗎 A make-up gift?

拿去吧 Go on. Take it.

天哪 Oh my god...

這在滴血啊 It's dripping blood!

裡面是什麼 What's in here?

你老媽的心臟 It's your mother's heart.

堪薩斯的牛排 It's a Kansas city steak.

一磅要23美金 It's $23 a pound.

拿來敷眼睛 然後吃掉 Stick it on your eye, then eat it.

真是謝謝你了 Thanks a fucking lot.

疼嗎 Does it hurt?

算了吧 Cut it out.

你從來沒打過我 You never hit me before.

但既然我說了那些話 But I guess after what I said,

挨揍也活該 I deserved it.

你真的很愛他 You must really love him.

我從一開始就跟他說了 I-I told him from day one,

我不信愛情 I don't believe in love.

-我只信 -性愛 - I believe in... - Fucking. Yeah.

我知道 I... I know.

當然 你是例外 Except for you, of course.

我真榮幸 I'm honoured.

我希望你跟他和好 I want you to make up with him.

絕對不可能 No fucking way.

但你有工作要做 But you have work to do.

《狂怒俠》 "Rage,"

第一卷 第二期 Volume one, issue number two.

別想了 Forget it.

那小邁的夢想呢 Well, what about Mikey's big dream?

他可以找一個新夢想 He'll just have to get himself a new one.

你想不想 Hey, you want to, um...

你想不想去餐館 Do you want to go to the diner,

吃點東西 get something to eat?

我還有事 I got plans.

-我叫做... -那不重要... - My name's... - Doesn't matter.

我是你要找的那型嗎 So am I what you're looking for?

差不多 Close enough.

300塊 That'll be 300 then.

先付錢後享受 Up front.

臥室在那邊 The bedroom's that way.

轉身 Roll over.