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P { margin-left:8pt; margin-right:8pt; margin-bottom:2pt; margin-top:2pt; text-align:center; font-size:20pt; font-family:arial, sans-serif; font-weight:normal; color:white; } .ENCC { Name:English; lang:en-US; SAMIType:CC;} #STDPrn { Name:Standard Print;} #LargePrn { Name:Large Print; font-size:25pt;} #SmallPrn { Name:Small Print; font-size:15pt;} ONE, TWO, THREE,FOUR, FIVE, SIX.   SHAKE IT, DUDE.  
  [ Mixed chatter/laughter ]   [ Murmurs of surprise ]   [ Clanging of bell ]   [ Cheering of crowd at boxing match ]   Michael: AND HE'S DOWN FOR THE COUNT.   THE CROWD IS GOING WILD.   MIGHTY MIKE NOVOTNY HAS TAKEN IT ON THE CHIN   FROM MAD DOG KINNEY.   SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE. GET UP, YOU BUM.   THE WINNER AND NEW CHAMPION IS...   HOLD IT. BEFORE WE CROWN THE CHAMP,   LET'S GIVE ALL YOU SPORTS FANS A BLOW- BY-BLOW RECAP,   SO CAN SEE FOR YOURSELVES WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.   TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I WOULDN'TMIND KNOWING   WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED MYSELF.   IT WAS A WEEK AGO, THE NIGHT THAT MAD DOG...   I MEAN, BRIAN; THREW THE PARTY FOR "RAGE".  
  WHOO!   [ Shouts of merriment ]   LET'S GO BACKTO MY PLACE.   ♪ ...I STILL LOVE YOU ♪   ♪ SO SHOW ME ♪   ♪ THAT YOU LOVE ME TOO ♪  
  Ben:WELL, I WOULD SAY THAT"RAGE" IS ALL THE RAGE.   YEAH.  
  Melanie:AW-W-W...   SEE YOULATER.   YEAH, MUCH, MUCH LATER.   Melanie:GOD. DOYOU THINK   THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOING TO...DO IT?   HEY, WHATDO YOU SAY   THAT WE GO HOME   AND CONTINUETHE CELEBRA-TION, HUH?   IN A MINUTE.I HAVE TOFIND BRIAN. OKAY.   LAST TIME I SAW HIM,   HE WAS FEELING NO PAIN.   YEAH, GET-TING IT ON   WITH SHIRTLESSWONDER 4,689.   HE AND JUSTINJUST BROKE UP.   WHAT?   WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?   JUSTIN'S BEENSEEING SOME-ONE ELSE.   OH, AREN'T THEY ALWAYS SEEING SOMEBODY ELSE?   THIS TIME,IT'S DIFFERENT.  
  I'LL BE BACK.  
  [ Muffled club ♪♪♪ ] Man: TAXI!   [ Mixed chatter ]   AH-H.IT JUSTBUGS ME,   'CAUSE HEDOESN'T EVENSEEM TO...   BRIAN!   [ Revving of engine ]BRIAN!   [ Mixed chatter/whistling ]   [ Violin ♪♪♪ ]   HMMMM.  
  I PROMISED I'D SERENADEYOU AWAKE, DIDN'T I?   YOU ALSOPROMISED MEBREAKFASTIN BED.   AH-HA.   [ Chuckle ]   DARKCHOCOLATE.   IS THERE ANYOTHER KIND?   HMM.   I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE FINALLY HERE,   THAT WE ACTUALLYSPENT THE ENTIRENIGHT TOGETHER.   I'M HERE...   BUT ICAN'T STAY.   OH-H...I HAVE TOGO TO CLASS,   AH. THEN TO WORK.   OH, I ALSOHAVE TO PICKUP MY STUFF.   WHAT IF HE'S THERE?   WHAT IF HE IS?   I DON'T CARE.   [ Zipping of fly ]   I'M WITH YOU NOW.   Michael:BRIAN...   WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?   CALL ME.   THAT'LL BE 5.25, WITH TAX.   I'LL TAKE A RAGET-SHIRT TOO.   OH, THIS ISNOT FOR SALE.   DO YOU HAVEANY MORE COPIES?   LOOKS LIKEI JUST SOLDMY LAST ONE.   WHEN IS ISSUE TWO COMING OUT?   IT'S NOT.   BUT WHAT'S GOINGTO HAPPEN TORAGE AND J.T.?   ARE THEY GOINGTO GET TOGETHER? YEAH,   AND WILL ZEPHYR HAVE A COSMIC MELTDOWN IF THEY DO?   I GUESSWE'LL NEVERKNOW, SO...   HANG ON TOYOUR COMICBOOKS, GUYS.   IT'S ABOUT TO BECOME A TRUE COLLECTOR'S ITEM.   [ Knocking on door ]   BRIAN?   BRIAN...   Men: [ Laughing ]   [ Moans of pleasure ]   AHH.   Both: [ Panting/moaning ]   [ Splashing of shower ]  
  [ Moans of pleasure ]  
  [ Gasping/panting ]  
  OKAY, TIME TO PUT THAT AWAY   AND EAT YOURPINK-PLATESPECIALS   BEFORE THEY GET COLD. THERE YOU GO, BABY.   Men:THANK YOU.THANKS.   YOU KNOW YOU WROTE THAT, DON'T YOU?   MY SON,   MICHAEL NOVOTNY.   HEY, NOSNATCHING THELEMON BARS,   EVEN IF YOUARE A GENIUS.   Lindsay: YOU DID IT, DIDN'T YOU?   WE KNOW YOU DID IT.   WAS IT HEAVEN? WAS IT BLISS?   Melanie: PERMIT ME TO DO THE CROSS- EXAMINING.   WHO WAS TOP? WHO WAS BOTTOM?HMM?   CHRIST, YOU SOUND LIKE ME.   HOLD ON.DID I MISSSOMETHING?   YOU GUYS DIDN'TACTUALLY...   Debbie: ORDER IN THE COURT.   ANSWER THE QUESTION.   [ Mixed chatterof staff ]   [ Gulping ]WELL, LET'SJUST SAY   IT WAS, UM...   A NIGHT LIKENO OTHER.   Emmett:AND I'LLREMEMBER IT...   ALWAYS. [ Chuckling ]   REMEMBER WHAT?   AW, DIDN'T WE TELL YOU?   TELL ME!   OH, WE'RE SO THRILLED FOR YOU!   SOON YOU'LLBE CELEBRATINGYOUR ANNIVERSARY,JUST LIKE US.   Debbie:ANNIVERSARY?   YOU JUST GOT MARRIED.   WE'VE ALWAYS CELEBRATE THE DAY   WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER. ONE FOR YOU...   Emmett:MY FRIENDSARNIE ANDEDWARD,   THEY CELEBRATETHE DAY THEYFIRST FUCKED.   SAME THING.   Melanie: AND ONE FOR YOU...   WE EXPECT YOUALL TO BE THERE.   WELL, DON'T EXPECT ANY GIFTS THIS TIME.   LindsayEXCEPT...   WHAT DO WE DO WITH THIS?   GUESS THEYWON'T BECOMING.   AT LEAST, NOT TOGETHER.   Debbie: POOR SUNSHINE.   HE REALLY LOVED HIM.   AND BRIAN REALLY LOVED HIM.   YEAH WELL, HE SHOULD'VE SHOWED IT.   HE DID,IN HIS WAY.   POOR BRIAN MUST BE SEQUESTERED AWAY,   DEVASTATED,   DISGRACED,   BROKEN,   HUMILIATED...   [ Chuckling ]   Emmett:OR MAYBE NOWHE'S, YOU KNOW,   PLANNING TOPACK HIS BAGSAND MOVE ON,   NOW THAT HE'S NO LONGER PITTSBURGH'S NUMERO UNO HOMO.   Brian:WELL, REPORTSOF MY DEATHHAVE BEEN...   GREATLY EXAGGERATED.   HOW LONG HAVEYOU BEEN THERE?   LONG ENOUGH...   TO KNOW WHO MY REAL FRIENDS ARE.   BRIAN...   YOU OKAY?   I'M BRILLIANT,DAZZLING.   [ Closing of door ]   YOU GONNA JUST STAND THERE,   OR YOU GONNAGET TO WORK?   [ Sighing ]   WHAT DO YOU WANT?   WELL, IT'S SUCHA LOVELY DAY,   I THOUGHT I'DGO FOR A STROLL,   YOU KNOW, TAKEIN THE SIGHTS.   [ Groan of effort ]   ME, THROWINGOUT GARBAGE?   YEAH WELL,YOU'RE SO GOOD ATDUMPING THINGS.   YOU DIDN'T HAVETO WALK OUT ONHIM LIKE THAT   IN FRONTOF EVERYONE,YOU KNOW.   I WOULD'VE TOLD HIM TO GO FUCK HIMSELF,   BUT HE WAS ALREADY DOING THAT   IN THE BACK ROOM WITH RAGE.   HOW CAN YOU BESUCH A SHIT,   AFTER ALL HE'SDONE FOR YOU?   I KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE FOR ME.   AND YOU KNEWWHO HE WAS,   RIGHT FROMTHE BEGINNING. YEAH.   YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD ME.   AND DID YOUTHINK THAT YOUCOULD CHANGE HIM?   THAT HE WOULDCHANGE FOR YOU?   I DON'T WANT TOTALK ABOUT IT.   OF COURSE NOT.IT'S OVER.   ON TO THE NEXT. YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED.   SO DID YOU.   FROM THEFIRST NIGHTTHAT WE MET,   AND HE TOOK ME HOME AND FUCKED ME,   YOU HAVE WANTED ME GONE.   WELL, MIKEY, YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR WISH.   THERE'S NOTHINGSTANDING IN YOURWAY ANY MORE.   HE'S ALL YOURS.YOU KNOW,   SINCE YOU'RENO LONGERWITH BRIAN,   THERE'S REALLYNO REASON FORYOU TO BE HERE,IS THERE?   SO WHY DON'TYOU JUST DO USALL A FAVOUR,   INCLUDINGYOURSELF,AND DISAPPEAR?   Lindsay:NOW HUDDLE INJUST A LITTLECLOSER TOGETHER.   Melanie: OKAY NOW. SAY "CUNNILINGUS".   [ Gagging ]   All: [ Laughing ]   OH, AREN'TTHEY ADORABLE. PRECIOUS.   OKAY, WE'LLSEE YOU TWOLOVEBIRDS LATER.BYE.   BYE-BYE.   LATER.SEE YA.   BYE.   THEY THINKWE DID IT.   EVERYBODY THINKS WE DID IT.   WELL, CAN WEHELP IT IF THEYMAKE CERTAINASSUMPTIONS?   DIDN'T THEYMAKE CERTAINASSUMPTIONS   BECAUSE WE LET THEM MAKE CERTAIN ASSUMPTIONS?   IT'S NOT ASIF WE LIEDTO THEM...   OR DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT.   WE SO WANTEDTO DO IT. BUT IT WAS LATE.   I, FOR ONE,HAD FAR TOOMANY RAGE-TINIS.   I COULD BARELY KEEP MY EYES OPEN.   NEXT THINGYOU KNOW, WEWERE ASLEEP.   WELL, AT LEAST, WE WERE IN THE SAME BED TOGETHER.   YEAH,WHICH MEANS,TECHNICALLY,   WE DID SLEEPTOGETHER.TECHNICALLY.   ANYWAY, WHEN WE FINALLY DO...   IT. IT...   [ Chuckle ]   WE WANT IT TO BE JUST RIGHT.   RIGHT?   RIGHT.   ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.INCREDIBLY RIGHT.   BEAUTIFULLYRIGHT.   Ben: NO, I KNOW, I KNOW. OF COURSE. UH,   I COMPLETELYUNDERSTAND. IT'SJUST THAT, UH,   SINCE I DECIDEDNOT TO GO TOTIBET AFTER ALL,   I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WOULD...   OH. OKAY THEN.   UM, I HOPE ALL GOES WELL.   YEAH, RIGHT. YOU TOO. HUH.   BYE.   BITCH.   NO LUCK?   OH, SHE SAID SHESIGNED THE LEASEIN GOOD FAITH,   AND SHE INTENDSTO STAY.   WHY DID IHAVE TO SUBLETMY PLACE TO ALAW PROFESSOR?   HUH.WELL,   GUESS I'D BETTERSTART SEARCHING.   CHECK OUTCAMPUS HOUSING.   WHY DO THAT?   I'VE GOT TO FIND SOME PLACE TO LIVE.   LIVE HERE.   WELL, LIVE HERE FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS,   OR LIVE HERE...FOR GOOD?   FOR GOOD.   WHY NOT?OH...   IT'S JUSTTHAT, UH...   ARE WE READYFOR THIS?   I MEAN, WE'VE... WE'VE NEVER DISCUSSED IT.   WHAT'S TO DISCUSS?   IT'S ACOMMITMENT.   AREN'T WE COMMITTED?   OF COURSEWE ARE.SO WHAT'STHE PROBLEM?   YOU AFRAID WE'RENOT GOING TOBE COMPATIBLE?   HUH, WELL,YOU NEVER KNOW.   ALL RIGHT, PROFESSOR BRUCKNER,   DO YOU THROW WILD PARTIES?   DO YOU PLAY LOUD MUSIC ALL NIGHT?   DO YOU SPEND HOURS IN THE BATHROOM?   LET'S SEE. WHAT ELSE AM I FORGETTING?   JUST THIS.   HMM.   I SAY WE'REGOING TO GETALONG JUST FINE.   MM-HMM.   HI, BOYS.   HOPE I'MINTERRUPTINGSOMETHING.   EM, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO...   BEN MOVING IN HERE?   UM, WELL, IT'S...   KIND OF A LOT OF PEOPLEIN A SMALL SPACE.   BUT HEY, I LIKE A LOT OFPEOPLE IN A SMALL SPACE.   [ Chuckling ]   WHAT ABOUTYOU AND... TED?   YEAH, WHAT ABOUT YOU AND TED?   I-I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BITE THE BULLET   AND TELLHIM NO.WELL, LET'S...   JUST SAY I DECIDED TO BITE SOMETHING ELSE.   Ben: IT'S GREAT   YOU GUYSDECIDED TOGET TOGETHER.   TO THINK HE'S BEEN RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY NOSE ALL ALONG.   STILL, I CAN'T IMAGINE HAVING SEX   WITH YOURBEST FRIEND.   REALLY?   SO... SO WHAT? I'M SORRY,   BECAUSE YOU CAN'T IMAGINE IT,   WHAT? TEDDY AND I DON'TDESERVE TO BE AS HAPPY   AS YOUAND BEN?   I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.   I WANT YOU TO HAVE   EVERYTHINGIN THE WORLD,   INCLUDING THE HOTTEST SEX.   I JUST DON'TWANT TO HEARABOUT IT.   Lindsay:HOW COULD YOUJUST LET HIM WALKOUT LIKE THAT?   Brian: WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE HAD ME DO?   THROW MYSELF DOWN ON MY KNEES AND BEG HIM NOT TO GO?   WELL, I'MNOT SURPRISEDHE LEFT.   IN FACT, ISAW IT COMING.   DID YOU HEAR THAT, SONNY BOY?   WHAT A PERCEP- TIVE PUSS YOUR MOMMA IS.   WELL, IT WASN'TJUST ME. ITWAS EVERYONE.   THE WAY YOUTREATED HIM,REFUSINGTO MAKE   EVEN THESLIGHTESTROMANTICGESTURE.   IT'S NO WONDERHE FOUNDSOMEONE ELSE.   HOWEVER...   MMM.   IT'S NOTTOO LATE.   FOR WHAT?TO GETHIM BACK.   OH, DON'T GIVEME THAT...   FUCKING SUPERIOR SNEER.   ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM.   IT'S NOT TOO MUCH TOASK, A SMALL SACRIFICE.   AND THEN WE COULD BE A HAPPY COUPLE,   LIKE YOU AND MELANIE,   OR... ORMIKEY ANDTHE PROFESSOR.   GOD HELP US,TED AND EMMETT.   AND WHAT IS SO TERRIBLE WITH THAT?   NOTHING. IT'S JUST THAT...   I'M NOTA DYKE.   OR ONE OF THEGROWING LEGIONSOF DICKLESS FAGS   WHO THINK THAT BY IMIT- ATING THEM,   THEY'RE GOING TO FIND TRUE HAPPINESS.   SO YOU'DRATHER BE ALONE,   THAN BE WITH THEONE PERSON WHOLOVED YOU ENOUGH   TO ALMOST PUTUP WITH ALLYOUR BULLSHIT...   I NEVERLOVED HIM.   AND EVEN IFI DID, I'DNEVER ASK HIM   TO PUT MY NEEDSABOVE HIS OR...   BE SOMETHING HE'SNOT TO MAKE ME HAPPY.   I'D TELL HIM IFHE'S NOT GETTINGWHAT HE WANTS,   THEN GO FIND ITSOMEPLACE ELSE.   WELL, HE CERTAINLY LEARNED HIS LESSON.   CONGRATULATIONS.   Debbie:KIKI, THENEW WAITRESS,   FORMERLY KENNYTHE WAITER,[ Slapping of counter ]   TOLD METHAT JUSTINQUIT TODAY,   JUST LIKE THAT.   WHERE IN THEFUCK IS THECHEESE GRATER?   OH.   OH, AND GET THIS.   ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR, HE SAYS,   "BE SURE AND TELL DEBBIEI SAID GOODBYE."   LIKE HE WAS GOING AROUNDTHE GODDAMN CORNER.   [ Groan of disgust ] WHAT'S THE MATTER?   THERE'S NO MEAT IN THIS.   THE GIRLS WANTEDVEGETARIAN.   LESBIAN LASAGNA.   FOR CHRIST'SSAKE, MICHAEL,   IT'S NOTLIKE YOU HAVETO EAT PUSSY.   MOTHER!AND AFTERALL I DID   FOR THAT KID.   AFTER WHAT WE ALL DID.   I TOLD HIM, LOUDAND CLEAR...   TOLD HIM WHAT?   THAT HE'S A SELFISH,UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PRICK,   AND HE SHOULD GET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR LIVES.   YOU TOLD HIM THAT?   I SURE DID.   GIVE ME THAT.   WHAT'S THEMATTER WITH YOU?   WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN THOSE TWO BOYS   IS NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS.   BRIAN HAPPENS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.   YEAH, I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIEND.   AND IF YOUASK ME,   JUSTIN DID THERIGHT THING.HOPEFULLY,THIS...   ETHAN KID WILLAPPRECIATE HIM.   BRIAN APPRECIATED HIM. HE DID EVERY- THING FOR HIM.   EVERYTHING BUT LOVE HIM.   BUT THEN HE CAN'T LOVE ANYBODY.   NOT EVEN YOU.   [ Clatter of pots ]   Lindsay:[ Reading ]"TIME PASSED,   AND IT LOOKEDAS IF BEAUTYWOULD NEVER RETURN.   AND SO THE BEASTSHUT HIMSELF AWAYFROM THE WORLD,   IN LONELINESSAND DESPAIR."   HEY. HEY-HEY,   IT'S ONLY A FAIRY TALE.   [ Sigh ] I KNOW. HMM.   LOOK WHAT I FOUND.   A PHOTO, RIGHT AFTER WE GOT TOGETHER.   EIGHTYEARS. HMMM.   GOES BYIN A BLINK.A FLASH.   A SMILE.   YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.   NEITHERHAVE YOU.   Both: [ Giggling ]   LIAR. LIAR!   [ Ringing of doorbell ]   [ Stereo ♪♪♪ ]   Melanie:CUTIE!LINZ,   LOOK WHO'S HERE.   OH HI, SWEETIE.COME ON IN.   I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO LATE.   NO. WE WERE JUST SET- TING UP FOR THE PARTY.   YOU'LL BE HERE,WON'T YOU?   ACTUALLY I HAVE OTHER PLANS.   I-I CAME BY NOW TO GIVE YOU GUYS THIS.   OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BRING US... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.   UH, WAIT.   YOU JUSTGOT HERE.   ETHAN'S WAITING FOR ME.   WELL, YOU CAN BRING HIM TOO, IF YOU WANT.   Melanie:AND IF YOU'REWORRIED   ABOUT RUNNINGINTO BRIAN,   FORGET IT.   THIS IS THE LASTPLACE HE'D BE.   IT WASN'T JUST THAT. I...   FIGURED IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR YOU GUYS   IF I WASN'T AROUND.   WHY THE HELLWOULD YOUTHINK THAT?   YOU WERE HIS FRIENDS FIRST.   BUT YOU'RE OUR FRIEND TOO.   WE LOVE YOU THESAME AS HIM...   IF NOT MORE.   SO WHY DON'TYOU HOLDON TO THAT,   AND GIVE IT TOUS AT THE PARTY?   Gus:[ Babbling ]  
  Man:HI.   HI.   I WAS HOPINGYOU'D MAKE YOURWAY OVER HERE.   [ Mixed chatter ]   HUH! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.   MY GOD, I NEVERTHOUGHT I'D LIVETO SEE THE DAY.   BRIAN KINNEY,REJECTED.   HIS STOCK HAS PLUMMETED.   THE NASDAQOF FAGS.   I'M TELLING YOU,YOU'VE GOT TOBE SO CAREFUL   WHAT YOU PUT ITINTO THESE DAYS.   Both: [ Snickering ]   DID YOU HEARWHAT THEYWERE SAYING?   MEAN,VICIOUS CUNTS.   SELF-LOATHINGSTEREOTYPES.   FUNNY, I THOUGHT THEY SOUNDED AN AWFUL LOT LIKE US.   WE'RE ALLOWEDTO TALK THAT WAY.   WE'RE HISFRIENDS.   WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO OVER   AND LET HIM INSULT US FOR A LITTLE WHILE.   OH, GOOD IDEA.MIGHT MAKE HIMFEEL BETTER.   Debbie: I THOUGHT YOU TWO'D BE HOME   STAINING THE SHEETS. [ Chuckling ]   WHY, ITMUST BE...   MMM...DEBBIE.   [ Chuckling ]OH, AND VIC.   THE NEW TWO- SOME IN TOWN.   Vic: I THINK IT'S GREAT.   AND DON'T LETANYONE TELL YOU   THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST YOU.   WHAT ODDS?   FOR CHRIST'SSAKE, VIC,   YOU'RE NOT GONNA BRING UP CARLOS, ARE YOU?   SCARE THEFUCKING SHITOUT OF THEM.   I WASN'T PLANNING TO.   WHO, UM... WHO'S CARLOS?   Vic: FORGET IT.   MY SISTER'SGOT A BIG MOUTH.   NEVER NOTICED.   HE AND VIC WERE BEST FRIENDS. LIKE YOU TWO.   I MEAN, FOR YEARS THEY WERE INSEPARABLE.   AND THEN ONEDAY, CARLOSSAYS TO VIC,   "I'M IN LOVE WITH SOMEBODY."   VIC SAYS, "WHO?" CARLOS SAYS, "YOU."   I TRIED TO WARN THEM NOT TO MESS WITH A GOOD THING,   BUT THEY WENT AHEAD WITH IT ANYWAY.   AND THREE MONTHS LATER,   CARLOS VANISHESWITHOUT A TRACE,   AND THISONE'S AROUNDTHE BEND.   YOU'RE LEAVINGOUT A FEWDETAILS.   Debbie: THE POINT IS...   Vic: THE POINT IS,   IT HAS NOTHINGTO DO WITH THEM.   HAVE A NICE NIGHT, GUYS.   HAVE A NICENIGHT, GUYS.  
  I NEVER REALIZED YOU HAD...   SO MANYCLOTHES.   WELL, I NEVERREALIZED YOURCLOSET WASSO SMALL.   WELL, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CRAM IT ALL IN?   YOU KNOW,WE NEVER HADPROBLEMS BEFORE.   [ Chuckle/playful growl ]   Michael: MM-MM-MMM.   WE'RE SUP-POSED TO...   BE MOVINGYOU IN.   Both: [ Chuckling ]   ALL RIGHT. AH-H.   HOW ABOUTRIGHT THERE?   ALL RIGHT NOW, THESE ARE HARD.   YOU HAVE...OKAY.   [ Indistinct comments ]   Brian: I LEAVE THE TWO OF YOU ALONE   FOR FIVE MINUTES...   CHRIST,BRIAN.   HOW'D YOUGET IN HERE?   MY WIDDLE KEY.   THAT'S FOREMERGENCIES.EXACTLY.   IF I DON'T FINDSOMEONE TO GO TOBABYLON WITH ME,   I'LL DIE.   Michael: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?   GO ON,GET OUT.   BEN'S JUSTMOVING IN.   SUFFERING SAPPHO.   YOU TOO.   LOOK, I'LL CALLYOU LATER.   MICHAEL.   WHY DON'T YOU GO WITH HIM?   NOW?   COME ON,LOOK...LOOK AT HIM.   Ben: THE POOR GUY NEEDS A FRIEND.   I WOULD TOO, IFI EVER LOST YOU.   BUT WHAT ABOUTUS? THIS IS YOURFIRST NIGHT HERE.   AND THERE'LLBE OTHERS.   I LIVE HERE NOW,   REMEMBER?[ Chuckling ]   MMM.   ♪ YOU'VE GOT THE MAGIC TOUCH ♪   ♪ OOH-OOH ♪ [ Whirring ]   ♪ IT MAKES ME GLOW SO MUCH ♪   ♪ OOH-OOH-OOH... ♪   Emmett: CAN I COME IN NOW?   HOLD ON. HOLD ON.   ♪ ...IT RINGS A BELL ♪   ♪ THE MAGIC TOUCH ♪   ♪ OOH, OOH, OOH ♪ OKAY.   ♪ THE MAGIC TOUCH ♪   JESUS. [ Chuckling ]   LOOKS LIKE FAO SCHWARTZDECIDED TO OPEN ANADULT TOYS DEPARTMENT.   SHUT UP AND GET IN BED.   OKAY.   WELL, CLOSE YOUR EYES.   WHAT FOR?   I'M MODEST.MODEST?   I'VE SEEN YOU WHACK OFF ON THE WEBSITE 100 TIMES.   WELL, THAT WAS DIFFERENT.   THAT WAS WORK.   THIS IS YOU AND ME. IT'S OUR FIRST TIME.   I WANT IT TO BE INNOCENT,   YOU KNOW, FILLED WITH...   ANTICIPATION, AND...   AND DISCOVERY...   JOY.   [ Scoff ]   NOW, GO ON.   [ Sighing/chuckling ]   [ Giggle ]   OKAY, YOU CAN OPEN THEM.   [ Sigh ]   WELL...HERE WE ARE.   YOU'D THINK MY HEART WAS RUNNING IN THE PREAKNESS.   MY HANDSARE COLD ASICE. FEEL.   [ Screaming ]   SORRY. [ Panting ]   IT'S ALL RIGHT.   WE JUST NEED TO...   CALM DOWN. TAKE IT EASY.   GO SLOW.   AND DON'T EXPECT TOO MUCH.   SO IN CASETHERE'S NO...   YOU KNOW...   FIREWORKS ORFANFARE OR...   THE PITTSBURGH POPSPLAYING THE"1812 OVERTURE",   WE WON'T ENDUP LIKE VICAND CARLOS.   WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE HAPPENED?   [ Sigh ]IT'S BESTNOT TO KNOW.   [ Chuckling ]IT MIGHT INCA-PACITATE US   WITH SELF-DOUBT AND FEAR.   TEDDY?   YEAH?   YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. RIGHT?   YOU TOO.   OUT OF ALLTHE PEOPLEIN THE WORLD,   THERE'S NO ONEI FEEL CLOSERTO THAN YOU.   SO WHAT IFTHIS DOESN'TWORK OUT?   CAN WE STILL GO BACK TO BEING JUST FRIENDS?   [ Deep sigh ]   [ Sigh of defeat ]  
  ♪ BRIGHTER THAN A LIGHTNING STRIKE ♪   ♪ SHOCKS ME WITH ELECTRIC HEAT ♪   ♪ STING ME AS A LOVER'S TOUCH ♪   ♪ HOTTER THAN THE MUSIC'S BEAT ♪   ♪ I LIGHT UP WHEN YOU WALK BY... ♪   BRIAN.   BRIAN!   BRIAN, I'VE GOT TO GO.   BEN'S WAITING.   I'M SURE THE PROFESSOR'S ALL TUCKED IN   AND IN DREAM- LAND BY NOW.   VITAMINS?   NO, THANKS.   [ Sniffing ] MMMM.   IT'S JUST LIKEOLD TIMES,ISN'T IT?   YEAH, YOUGET LOADED,AND I GET TOTAKE YOU HOME.   I MEAN...   JUST YOUAND ME.  
  [ Sniffing ]  
  OO-OOH!   COME ON.  
  Michael: [ Narrating ] WHETHER IT WAS THE MUSIC,   OR BRIAN'S SECRET BLEND OF 11HERBS AND SPICES,   OR BECAUSE IT WAS, LIKE HESAID,   THE WAY IT USED TO BE,   EVERYTHING SEEMED TO VANISH,   UNTIL IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF USUP THERE...   ALONE.  
  Woman: ...CAN YOU JUST GATHER IN THE GROUP?   THAT'S IT. OKAY NOW, SAY, "PUSSY!"   Various: PUSSY!   [ Mixed chatter/ laughter ]  
  THIS NEARLY WAS OURS. HMM.   A FLOUR-LESSANNIVERSARY CAKE.   SANDALWOOD CANDLES.   "HAPPY 8th. LOVE, DORY AND ROBYN."HMMM.   All: PUSSY!   [ Laughter ]   AND OURLATEST PHOTO   FOR OUR KEEP-SAKE ALBUM,   SHOWING USA LITTLE BITOLDER THAN THEYEAR BEFORE.   AND THE YEARBEFORE THAT.   HMM. LYING TOEACH OTHER...   "YOU LOOK GREAT!""NO, YOULOOK GREAT."   "NO, YOULOOK GREAT.""YOU..."   HEY! LOVEBIRDS.   YOU LOOKGREAT!   [ Laughter ]LOVEBIRDS.   HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.   NEXT YEAR IT'LLBE YOU TWO.   YEAH, JUST LIKE US.   BYE! HAVE FUN.   [ Chuckling ]   [ Mixed chatter ]  
  Michael: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SO MANY COUPLES?   AH, IT'S THENEW WORLD ORDER.   WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE HETEROS IS GOOD FOR THE HOMOS.   YOU SOUNDSUSPICIOUSLYLIKE YOURDANCING PARTNER.   WHAT TIME DIDYOU GET INLAST NIGHT?   NOT TOO LATE. Y... YOU WERE ALREADY ASLEEP.   HM. DID YOUHAVE FUN?   SAME OLD, SAME OLD.YEAH,   SAME OLD HOTMUSIC, SAME OLDHALF-NAKED MEN.   Michael:WHAT'S HEDOING HERE?   THE GIRLSINVITED HIM.   YEAH, AND HE HAS THE FUCKING NERVE   TO BRING HIS NEW BOYFRIEND.   Melanie: HI. WE'RE SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU,   IN OUR...IN OUR YARD.   [ Laughter ]   Bart:I SAY WE GO FORTHE KING EDWARD.   Ned: I SAY THE QUEEN MARY.   WHY DON'T YOUEACH GET APRINCE ALBERT   AND BE DONEWITH IT?   WE'RE NOT DISCUSS- ING PIERCINGS.   THEY'RE SILVER PATTERNS. AND HE'S BEING   HIS USUAL GODDAMNED STUBBORN SELF.   I'M STUBBORN? I'M STUBBORN.   WE FINALLY DECIDE ON BLUE CORNFLOWER FOR PLATES.   WE REGISTERED AND EVERYTHING.   AND THENHE CHANGESHIS MIND.   I'M ALLOWED TO CHANGE MY MIND.   Ned:WELL THEN, MAYBETHEN I SHOULDCHANGE MINE   ABOUT EVEN HAVING THE CEREMONY.   Bart: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME   AFTER BEINGTOGETHER FORNINE MONTHS?   CHRIST, AREN'T THERE ANY GOOD OLD-FASHIONED QUEERS LEFT?   YOU KNOW, NOTTHAT I GIVEA FUCK, BUT...   I KNOW A COUPLE OF BULLS WHO COULD ADVISE YOU BEARS.  
  [ Mixed chatter ]   Debbie:THERE YOUGO, HONEY.   WANNA TAKETHESE OUTSIDEFOR ME?   THERE ARE PEOPLEWAITING FOR IT.THANK YOU. MM-HMM.   HEY!   Debbie:HOLD IT.   GET YOUR PERKY LITTLE BUTT BACK HERE.   SINCE WHEN DO YOU WALK BY ME   AND NOT SAY HELLO?   DEB, PLEASE. THIS IS HARD ENOUGH.   YEAH WELL, YOU'DMAKE IT EASIERON YOURSELF   IF YOU SHOWED SOME MANNERS.   WHO THE FUCK'S HE?   THIS IS ETHAN.HMM.   THE NEW BOYFRIEND. I'M DEBBIE. HI.   I'VE BEEN KEEPING AN EYE ON SUNSHINE   EVER SINCE HE LEFT HOME.   SUNSHINE?   YOU GOT A PROB-LEM WITH THAT?   NO. NOPROBLEM.   WHATEVER MY SONSAID TO YOU,   HE DOES NOT SPEAK FOR ME, OR ANYONE ELSE.   WE ALL STILL LOVE YOU,   AND YOU'RESTILL A MEMBEROF THIS FAMILY.   DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?   YEAH.   I EXPECT YOU BACK AT THE DINER   FIRST THING TOMORROW.   DON'T BE LATE.   AS FOR YOU...   MM-HM?   YOU'RE FUCKING ADORABLE IS WHAT YOU ARE.   [ Chuckling ]   Woman: AH, EXCUSE ME?   EXCUSE ME?UM, CAN I...   OH, SORRY.   [ Mixed chatter ]   WHAT THEHELL ARE YOUDOING HERE?   I BELIEVE I WAS INVITED.   YOU SAID YOUWEREN'T COMING. I WASN'T.   HOWEVER, UH, MY TWO NEW BEST FRIENDS...   NED. BART.   THEY CAN'T MAKE UP THEIR MINDS:   THE QUEEN MARY OR KING EDWARD?   AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD SETTLE IT FOR THEM.   GOTTA PISS.   CHRIST.BRIAN...   WATCH WHEREYOU'RE AIMING.   CAN'T YOU WAIT TILL I'M FINISHED?   [ Unzipping of fly ]   WHAT'S THEBIG DEAL?I'VE SEEN IT.   [ Sigh ]   [ Zipping of fly ]   DON'T FORGET TOWASH YOUR HANDS.   BY THE WAY...   I HOPE YOU GET WHAT YOU WANT.   THE KING EDWARDIS STUNNING.   AND THE QUEEN MARY'S A CLASSIC.   BUT WE WENT WITH THEEMPRESS ALEXANDRA.   IT'S ELEGANT ENOUGH FOR DINNER...   BUT STURDY ENOUGHFOR EVERY DAY. YEAH.   IT'S LOVELY.   DON'T YOU THINK SO, HONEY?   Bart: LOVELY.   SO HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN TOGETHER?   UH, EIGHTYEARS ANDSTILL COUNTING.   Lindsay & Melanie: KAYNA HORA! [ Chuckling ]   [ Mixed chatter ]  
  DO YOU BELIEVETHE NERVE OFTHAT LITTLE TWAT,   SHOWING UPHERE WITH HISNEW BOYFRIEND?   I TOLD HIM TOSTAY THE FUCKOUT OF OUR LIVES.   WHY'D YOU DO THAT?AFTER WHATHE DID?   HE DIDN'TDO ANYTHING.   WE WERE NEVER HAPPILY MARRIED.   HE WAS ALWAYS FREE TO GO. SO WAS I.   YOU'RE JUST SAY-ING THAT. HE'SA SELFISH SHIT.   BE QUIET, MICHAEL.HE USED YOU,   AND HE TOOKFROM YOU   AND HE NEVERGAVE BACKA THING.   I SAID BE QUIET.   AND THIS IS THETHANKS YOU GET   FOR SAVINGHIS LIFE.   IF YOU ASK ME, ITWASN'T WORTH IT.   YOU MIGHT AS WELLHAVE JUST LEFTHIM LYING THERE...   [ Clanging of bell ]   [ Shouting of crowd at boxing match ]   Michael: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS,   THE INSTANT RECAP LEADING TO THE SURPRISE PUNCH   THAT LANDED MIGHTY MIKE NOVOTNY ON HIS KEISTER.   MICHAEL!   [ Mixed reactions ]   SHIT!   Debbie:SHIT!   Various: IS THERE... IS THERE A NURSE OR A DOCTOR?   BRIAN! WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM?   Debbie:YOU FUCKINGANIMAL,   HITTINGMY KID.   Lindsay: JESUS. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?   YOU SON OF A BITCH!   NO, DON'T!   [ Breaking of glass ]   Woman: DO MEN ALWAYS DO THAT?   I'M ALL RIGHT.LEMME SEE,SWEETHEART.LEMME SEE.   BRIAN, I THINK YOU BETTER LEAVE.   NOW!   Debbie:ASSHOLE.   DON'T EVENLOOK AT HIM...   Various: GO, ASSHOLE. GET OUT.   [ Mixed murmurs ]   [ Grunting in pain ]   Woman: I FIGURE IT'S TIME TO LEAVE.   [ Murmurs of agreement ]   [ Opening of door ]   Emmett: NO COLOUR WHEEL?   NO. NO...   DILDOS?   NO.   NO ROBE?   JUST ME, IN THE FLESH.   NOW, ARE WEABSOLUTELY,100% POSITIVE   WE WANT TOGO THROUGHWITH THIS?   ABSOLUTELY 100%?   NO.   BUT DON'T YOU THINK IT'S WORTH THE RISK?   I GUESS WE'LLKNOW IN ABOUT10 MINUTES.   10 MINUTES? HUH.   LET'S, UH... LET'S GIVE IT AT LEAST HALF AN HOUR.   HUH. RIGHT.   WELL...   HERE GOES.   UH, WAIT.   I... I JUSTWANT TO SAY,   NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS,   I PROMISENOT TO VANISHWITHOUT A TRACE.   AND I PROMISENOT TO GOAROUND THE BEND.   UH, WAIT.   [ Whispering ] GOOD LUCK, TEDDY.   BREAK ALEG, EM.   HMM.   [ Knocking on door ]   I'M WORKING.WHAT DOYOU WANT?   TO GIVE YOU THIS.   A MAKE-UP GIFT?   GO ON. TAKE IT.   OH MY GOD...   IT'S DRIPPING BLOOD!   WHAT'S IN HERE?   IT'S YOURMOTHER'S HEART.   [ Chuckling ]   IT'S A KANSAS CITY STEAK.   IT'S $23A POUND.   STICK IT ONYOUR EYE,THEN EAT IT.   THANKS AFUCKING LOT.   DOES IT HURT?   CUT IT OUT.   YOU NEVER HIT ME BEFORE.   BUT I GUESS AFTER WHAT I SAID,   I DESERVED IT.   YOU MUST REALLY LOVE HIM.[ Scoffing ]   I-I TOLD HIM FROM DAY ONE, I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE.   I BELIEVE IN... FUCKING. YEAH.   I... I KNOW.   EXCEPT FOR YOU,OF COURSE.   I'M HONOURED.   I WANT YOU TO MAKE UP WITH HIM.   NO FUCKING WAY.   BUT YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.   "RAGE,"   VOLUME ONE, ISSUE NUMBER TWO.   FORGET IT.   WELL, WHAT ABOUT MIKEY'S BIG DREAM?   HE'LL JUST HAVE TO GET HIMSELF A NEW ONE.   HEY, YOU WANT TO, UM...   DO YOU WANT TOGO TO THE DINER,   GET SOMETHING TO EAT?   I GOT PLANS.   [ Opening of door ] [ Jingling of bells ]  
  [ Knocking on door ]  
  HI.   MY NAME'S... DOESN'T MATTER.   SO AM IWHAT YOU'RELOOKING FOR?   CLOSE ENOUGH.  
  THAT'LL BE300 THEN.   UP FRONT.   [ Rustling of money ]   THE BEDROOM'S THAT WAY.  
  ROLL OVER.  
 
  MOO!  
 
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