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1
00:00:00,768 --> 00:00:03,768
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
2
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,709
AH HA HA HA HA!
3
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,101
"I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD."
4
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:35,104
UH... THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
5
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,206
"I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!"
6
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,175
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
7
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:42,178
"I WANT TO SUCK..."
OH, HELLO, KIDDIES.
8
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:45,181
YOU CAUGHT ME IN THE
MIDDLE OF MY HOMEWORK.
9
00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:47,684
YOUR OLD PAL THE CRYPT KEEPER'S
10
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:51,187
A REAL BELIEVER IN
CONTINUING DEAD-UCATION...
11
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,189
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!
12
00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:56,192
WHICH BRINGS US TO
TONIGHT'S MURDEROUS MORSEL.
13
00:01:56,216 --> 00:01:59,696
IT'S A JUICY LITTLE TALE
ABOUT A REAL BLOODSUCKER
14
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,333
WHO NEVER LEARNED
TO GO FOR THE JUGULAR.
15
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:08,293
I CALL THIS PLASMA PLAY
THE RELUCTANT VAMPIRE.
16
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:07,563
AH...
17
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,565
AHH!
18
00:03:09,589 --> 00:03:10,900
OH.
19
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:15,571
OH... GOD...
20
00:03:15,595 --> 00:03:20,665
OH, HOW I HATE MONDAYS.
21
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,696
LEOPOLD? COME ON, LEOPOLD.
22
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,220
LEOPOLD?
23
00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:46,235
Woman: NOW, WHILE
MOST OF US MAKE A POINT
24
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:47,871
OF NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE,
25
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,540
MY NEXT GUEST HAS
MADE A CAREER OF IT.
26
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,075
HE HAS A JOB
27
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,910
THAT'S DEFINITELY NOT
FOR THE SQUEAMISH.
28
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,146
FOR THE PAST 5O YEARS,
RUPERT VAN HELSING
29
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,948
HAS BEEN HUNTING VAMPIRES.
30
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:03,787
HUNTING VAMPIRES? MR. VAN
HELSING, IS THAT FOR REAL?
31
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:06,289
Rupert Van Helsing: OF COURSE
IT'S FOR REAL, MISS JONES.
32
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:10,393
I ASSURE YOU, VAMPIRES
ARE QUITE REAL.
33
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,996
AND THEY REALLY TURN
INTO BATS AND FLY AROUND?
34
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,031
NO, NO. THAT'S
JUST IN THE MOVIES,
35
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:18,001
BUT THEY MUST DRINK
BLOOD TO STAY ALIVE,
36
00:04:18,025 --> 00:04:20,603
AND IT MUST BE HUMAN BLOOD.
37
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:22,205
IT IS FOR THEM AN ADDICTION,
38
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:25,909
AN ADDICTION FOR WHICH
THEY HAVE TO KILL NIGHTLY.
39
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,911
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
40
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,914
BUT I'M WEARING AN EXTRA
SCARF TO BED TONIGHT.
41
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:34,084
HA HA HA. HILARIOUS.
42
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,319
COME ON, LEOPOLD. COME ON.
43
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:38,822
WE'VE GOT TO GO TO WORK.
44
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,011
COME ON.
45
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,811
I DON'T WANT EXCUSES.
46
00:05:01,835 --> 00:05:03,313
I WANT ANSWERS!
47
00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,281
OUR BLOOD SUPPLY
IS AT A RECORD LOW.
48
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,317
WE ARE TOTTERING ON
THE BRINK OF BANKRUPTCY,
49
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:08,418
AND YOU CAN SAY IS,
50
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,420
"THERE ARE IRREGULARITIES
IN THE BOOKKEEPING."
51
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,322
WE'VE BEEN MEETING ALL OUR
DONATION QUOTAS, MR. CROSSWHITE.
52
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,824
WHAT'S HAPPENING, SALLY?
IS BLOOD EVAPORATING?
53
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,892
I WANT TO KNOW WHY
THERE NEVER SEEMS TO BE
54
00:05:16,916 --> 00:05:18,528
AS MUCH BLOOD AVAILABLE
AS WE'RE TAKING IN.
55
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:20,262
I... I DON'T KNOW WHY.
56
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,664
WELL, YOU BETTER FIND
OUT WHY, SWEETHEART,
57
00:05:21,688 --> 00:05:23,165
OR YOUR LITTLE BUTT'S GONNA
BE OUT ON THE SIDEWALK.
58
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,402
OH, NO. MR. CROSSWHITE,
I NEED THIS JOB.
59
00:05:26,426 --> 00:05:28,338
HONEY, YOU'RE DEAD
WEIGHT ON A SINKING SHIP.
60
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,341
PLEASE, MR. CROSSWHITE,
I'LL GET TO THE BOTTOM OF IT.
61
00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,344
IT'S INTERESTING THAT
YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, SALLY,
62
00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:37,347
BECAUSE I'D LIKE TO
KEEP YOU ON HERE.
63
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,849
YOU SEE, I LIKE YOU, SALLY...
64
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:41,351
A LOT,
65
00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:45,855
AND PERHAPS WE COULD GET
TO THE BOTTOM OF THAT, HMM?
66
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,357
MR. CROSSWHITE...
67
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,880
LEAVE HER ALONE...
68
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:52,317
SIR.
69
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,798
NICE TRY, HERO,
70
00:05:55,822 --> 00:05:58,434
BUT BEFORE YOU GO STICKING
YOUR NOSE IN ANYWHERE,
71
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,570
REMEMBER YOU'RE
JUST A NIGHT WATCHMAN.
72
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,137
IF YOU WANT TO STAY
NIGHT WATCHMAN...
73
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:05,808
YES... YES... Y-YES, SIR.
74
00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,310
THINK ABOUT WHAT
I SAID, SWEETHEART.
75
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:11,313
IT'S AN AWFULLY CRUEL
WORLD OUT THERE
76
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,337
IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE.
77
00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:17,842
MAYBE YOU BOTH
BETTER THINK ABOUT IT.
78
00:06:33,359 --> 00:06:36,338
WELL, I'LL BE GOING NOW.
79
00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:39,341
OH, YES. GOOD-BYE, THEN.
80
00:06:39,365 --> 00:06:40,843
DON'T WORRY.
81
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,846
I'M SURE EVERYTHING
WILL TURN OUT JUST FINE.
82
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:47,984
THANKS FOR STANDING UP
FOR ME TODAY, MR. LONGTOOTH.
83
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,352
IT WAS NOTHING.
84
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:53,356
NO. I MEAN IT. IT WAS
A BRAVE THING TO DO.
85
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:56,792
NOBODY'S EVER
CALLED ME THAT BEFORE.
86
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:57,793
WHAT?
87
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:58,795
BRAVE.
88
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:02,132
WHEN MY FAMILY USED
TO GO OUT HUNTING,
89
00:07:02,156 --> 00:07:04,167
I USED TO STAY IN THE HOUSE.
90
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:06,302
I COULDN'T KILL ANYONE.
91
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:09,205
UH-UH-UH... ANYTHING.
92
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,707
HEH HEH.
93
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:14,043
THAT DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE A COWARD.
94
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:17,046
YOU'RE SENSITIVE, THAT'S ALL.
95
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,649
I AM?
96
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,684
YEAH...
97
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:25,688
AND I THINK SENSITIVE IS...
98
00:07:25,712 --> 00:07:27,512
SEXY.
99
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:32,550
YOU DO?
100
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:46,208
UH, WELL, SALLY,
I'VE GOT TO GO NOW
101
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:49,712
BECAUSE I'M SUPPOSED
TO BE WATCHING THINGS.
102
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:53,215
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
COMPANY FOR A WHILE?
103
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,217
UH, MMM...
104
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,720
IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
105
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,221
YES...
106
00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:01,746
JUST GOT A LITTLE TOOTHACHE.
107
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,227
WELL...
108
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:08,252
I GUESS I'D BETTER LET YOU GO.
109
00:08:10,757 --> 00:08:12,757
GOOD NIGHT, MR. LONGTOOTH.
110
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:16,761
GOOD NIGHT.
111
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,663
EEH YA HA HA!
112
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,665
HA HA HA HA!
113
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,667
OOH! HA HA HA!
114
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,769
LOVELY. LOVELY. LOVELY.
115
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,271
OVER THE LIPS, OVER THE FANGS,
116
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:51,774
SAY GOOD-BYE TO HUNGER PANGS!
117
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,275
HA HA HA!
118
00:08:53,299 --> 00:08:55,544
OH, YES! LOVELY! LOVELY! LOVELY!
119
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:58,470
HA HA HA! HEE HEE HEE!
120
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,885
OH, YES.
121
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:04,120
AH, LEOPOLD, MY DEAR FRIEND,
122
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:05,889
UP YOU GO.
123
00:09:05,913 --> 00:09:09,915
YES. OH, GOOD. YES.
124
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:15,731
♪ A LITTLE AB OR
A LITTLE TYPE O ♪
125
00:09:15,755 --> 00:09:19,735
♪ TWIST OF LIME AND AWAY WE GO ♪
126
00:09:19,759 --> 00:09:20,736
YES.
127
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,760
OH!
128
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:24,763
YEAH.
129
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,744
OH, NECTAR OF THE GODS.
130
00:09:28,768 --> 00:09:32,247
OH, HERE'S BLOOD IN
YOUR EYE, LEOPOLD.
131
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,275
MMM!
132
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:46,261
OH...
133
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:48,197
OH, I THINK WE'D BETTER GO
134
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:52,267
AND ALTER THAT
RECORD BOOK, DON'T YOU?
135
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:54,291
HEH HEH YEE...
136
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,283
CROSSWHITE...
137
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,784
GODDAMN SON OF A...
138
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,386
HE'S TAKEN IT HOME WITH HIM.
139
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,720
I SHOULD GO AROUND TO HIS HOUSE
140
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:15,791
AND RIP HIS GODDAMN THROAT OUT!
141
00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:18,794
I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM,
142
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:22,231
EVEN IF I HATE MYSELF
IN THE MORNING.
143
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,601
I WISH YOU COULD WAIT
UNTIL THE MORNING, CUDDLES.
144
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,402
I MEAN, IT'S NOT SAFE HERE.
145
00:10:27,426 --> 00:10:29,171
OH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SCARE YOU.
146
00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:32,130
YOU ARE SHAKING ALL
OVER, SWEETHEART.
147
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,712
YOU LOOK, DARLING.
148
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,147
YOU LOOK JUST DARLING.
149
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,615
IF YOU COULD JUST PIDDLE
AND GET IT OVER WITH,
150
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,718
WE'LL GO HOME. ALL RIGHT?
151
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:45,087
I CAN'T DO IT.
152
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:48,291
I JUST CAN'T DO IT.
153
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,426
OK, GRANNY, HAND
OVER YOUR PURSE.
154
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,995
I SAID, HAND...
155
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,396
OOH!
156
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,540
A BODY ISN'T SAFE TO WALK
THE STREETS ANYMORE.
157
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,368
GRRR!
158
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,370
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
159
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:03,272
HELLO. HAVE YOU EVER HAD
ANY BLOOD-BORNE DISEASES?
160
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,707
NO, MAN.
161
00:11:04,731 --> 00:11:06,943
ARE YOU CURRENTLY TAKING
DRUGS OR ANY OTHER MEDICATION?
162
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:09,712
HAVE YOU HAD DENTAL
SURGERY IN THE LAST 72 HOURS?
163
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,113
HAVE YOU?!
164
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,215
NO! AAH, GOD! YOU'RE KILLIN' ME.
165
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:16,385
THAT IS MUSIC TO MY EARS.
166
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:19,521
HEH HEH HEH!
167
00:11:19,545 --> 00:11:21,591
COME ON, MY LITTLE BEAUTY.
168
00:11:21,615 --> 00:11:24,660
THIS IS GOOD. THIS IS VERY GOOD.
169
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:28,486
UH! OH, HO HO!
170
00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:32,134
UH! UH!
171
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:33,558
HEH HEH HEH!
172
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,254
YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME.
173
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,278
HEE HEE HEE!
174
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,114
THANKS FOR YOUR BUSINESS.
175
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,721
AH!
176
00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:28,246
SALLY, HELLO. HOW ARE YOU?
177
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,196
YOU'RE EARLY.
178
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,231
IT'S NOT EVEN LIGHT OUTSIDE YET.
179
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:39,702
I... I WAS WORRIED
ABOUT THE BLOOD.
180
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,204
OH.
181
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,706
OH, WELL, THAT'S
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
182
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:47,744
I'M SURE THERE'S MORE
THAN ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE.
183
00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,768
MR. LONGTOOTH...
184
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,877
IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH ME?
185
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,760
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
186
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:06,963
DO YOU THINK I'M UNATTRACTIVE?
187
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:09,198
OH, NO.
188
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,101
NO. NO, NOT AT ALL.
189
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,158
QUITE THE CONTRARY. I...
190
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:19,964
I THINK YOU'RE VERY BEAUTIFUL.
191
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:26,181
THEN IS THERE SOMETHING
WRONG WITH YOU?
192
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:30,019
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
193
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,678
DON'T YOU KNOW?
194
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:39,317
OH!
195
00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:50,373
UM, SALLY, I, UM...
196
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,264
OH, UH, I HAVE TO...
197
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,746
I... I HAVE TO GO.
198
00:13:56,770 --> 00:13:59,336
I-I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
199
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,724
Detective: THIS IS A
WEIRD ONE ALL RIGHT.
200
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:11,894
I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF A SICKO
WOULD DRAIN ALL THE BLOOD
201
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:14,296
OUT OF SOME NICKEL
AND DIME CROOK?
202
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,698
HOW COME I GOT
NOTHIN' TO GO ON HERE?
203
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,200
I GOT NO FINGERPRINTS, I
GOT NO MURDER WEAPON.
204
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:22,438
THE ONLY EYEWITNESS TO THE
WHOLE THING IS SOME LITTLE OLD LADY
205
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,873
WHO SAYS SHE KICKED
HIM IN THE BALLS.
206
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:27,576
PERHAPS I CAN HELP YOU.
207
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,679
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
208
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,781
RUPERT VAN HELSING.
209
00:14:31,805 --> 00:14:34,250
WHAT DO YOU WANT, RUPERT?
210
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,884
I WANT TO HELP YOU, LIEUTENANT,
211
00:14:35,908 --> 00:14:38,254
THOUGH, AT FIRST, YOU'RE
NOT GOING TO BELIEVE
212
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:39,589
ANYTHING I TELL YOU.
213
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,891
YOU'RE GOING TO
THINK I'M STRANGE,
214
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,859
BIZARRE!
215
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:48,297
BUT IN 3 OR 4 DAYS, WHEN
THE CITY IS AWASH IN BLOOD,
216
00:14:48,321 --> 00:14:51,466
YOU'RE GOING TO BEG ME FOR HELP.
217
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,802
WELL, SO FAR, YOU'RE
RIGHT ON THE MONEY, RUPERT.
218
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,437
YOU ARE STRANGE,
219
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,673
AND, UH, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU,
220
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,074
BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.
221
00:14:59,098 --> 00:15:00,743
GOOD-BYE.
222
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,700
Rupert: MANY SIMILARITIES.
223
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,654
WAIT A MINUTE NOW.
YOU'RE THE GUY...
224
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,421
YOU'RE THE GUY ON
THE RADIO, RIGHT?
225
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,757
THE DRACULA CHASER?
226
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:16,725
LIEUTENANT, I ASSURE YOU
227
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,895
I CAN PROVE EVERYTHING
I'M TELLING YOU.
228
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:21,097
WELL, HOW ARE YOU
GONNA DO THAT, RUPERT?
229
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:25,934
PERHAPS, IF I MIGHT
SEE THE BODY?
230
00:15:25,958 --> 00:15:28,137
JUST AS I THOUGHT.
231
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:30,940
A PUNCTURE MARK
DIRECTLY ABOVE THE JUGULAR.
232
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,908
YEAH, BUT THERE'S ONLY
ONE OF THEM THERE, RUPERT.
233
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,910
SHOULDN'T THERE BE TWO?
234
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,913
PERHAPS ONE OF
HIS TEETH IS DECAYED.
235
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,915
OH, OF COURSE.
236
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,418
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
237
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,420
NOW, LET ME ASK
YOU SOMETHING ELSE.
238
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,489
THIS GUY WAS EMPTY, NOT
A DROP OF BLOOD IN HIM.
239
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:51,927
THAT'S 9 WHOLE PINTS.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
240
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,929
DO VAMPIRES USUALLY
DRINK THAT MUCH?
241
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,931
PERHAPS, IF THEY'RE QUITE LARGE.
242
00:15:55,955 --> 00:16:00,936
AHA! SO WE'RE LOOKING FOR A
300-POUND REFUGEE FROM CASTLE DRACULA
243
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,939
WITH BAD TEETH AND
A TASTE FOR MUGGERS.
244
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,941
IS THAT IT?
245
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:08,444
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
LOOKING FOR, LIEUTENANT.
246
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,447
GOOD. OK. YOU LET ME KNOW
WHEN YOU FIND IT, SHERLOCK,
247
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,972
AND MEANTIME, I'M DUE
BACK IN THE 2Oth CENTURY.
248
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,728
I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.
249
00:16:25,752 --> 00:16:27,429
DUE TO THE PROBLEMS
WE'RE BEEN HAVING
250
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,231
IN MAINTAINING OUR BLOOD SUPPLY,
251
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,733
I'VE DECIDED TO SCALE BACK.
252
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,400
NOW, WHAT THIS MEANS IS
253
00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,236
MOST OF YOU WILL
NO LONGER BE WITH US
254
00:16:34,260 --> 00:16:35,304
AT THE END OF THE MONTH.
255
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,972
SORRY.
256
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:39,308
I KNOW HOW YOU ALL MUST FEEL.
257
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,277
BUT FOR US TO CONTINUE
CURRENT OPERATIONS,
258
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,879
THERE WOULD HAVE TO BE
A STUNNING IMPROVEMENT
259
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:45,981
IN OUR BUSINESS.
260
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:48,551
I TALKING AT LEAST TWICE
OUR CURRENT DAILY INTAKE.
261
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:49,818
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYONE.
262
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,942
WE'LL SEE YOU ALL
IN THE MORNING.
263
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:56,158
MR. CROSSWHITE?
264
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,027
YES, SALLY?
265
00:16:58,051 --> 00:16:59,228
PLEASE, MR. CROSSWHITE,
266
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,196
DON'T DO THIS TO US.
267
00:17:01,220 --> 00:17:02,832
WE NEED OUR JOBS.
268
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,155
YOU DO?
269
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:08,237
SALLY, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THE OTHERS,
270
00:17:08,261 --> 00:17:11,373
BUT PERHAPS YOU AND
I COULD COME TO, UH...
271
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,364
SOME SORT OF ARRANGEMENT?
272
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:18,001
HMM? SALLY?
273
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:23,119
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
274
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,303
THOUGHT MUCH ABOUT
YOUR JOB PROSPECTS LATELY?
275
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,360
MY WHOLE LIFE, LEO,
HAS BEEN KILLING,
276
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,362
KILLING, MORE KILLING,
277
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:38,734
HUNDREDS OF YEARS
OF SUCKING BLOOD.
278
00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:43,672
UNTIL, OF COURSE, I GOT A
JOB IN THIS MARVELOUS PLACE.
279
00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:52,347
I KNOW, LEO. I
KNOW. I AM WHAT I AM.
280
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:57,152
I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO
BACK TO THE STALKING LIFE.
281
00:17:57,176 --> 00:18:02,213
I DON'T WANT TO END UP
SUCKING ON THE STREETS AGAIN.
282
00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:09,398
MAYBE... I COULD GO OUT TONIGHT.
283
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,270
JUST ONE MORE LITTLE KILL?
284
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,372
COME ON, LEO.
285
00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:19,374
WE'RE NOT TALKING
ORPHANS AND NUNS HERE.
286
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,932
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
THE DREGS OF SOCIETY.
287
00:18:26,872 --> 00:18:29,985
I COULD REALLY MAKE A
DIFFERENCE IN THIS TOWN.
288
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,221
I COULD SAVE THE BLOOD BANK
289
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:34,044
AND TAKE A BITE OUT OF CRIME!
290
00:18:59,338 --> 00:19:01,038
HA HA...
291
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,968
AHH!
292
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,172
SWEET AND PURE,
293
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:26,496
JUST LIKE NATURE INTENDED.
294
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:44,760
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE...
500 PINTS IN 2 DAYS.
295
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,829
WE ARE BACK IN BUSINESS!
296
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,286
YAY! YAY! YAY!
297
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,470
AHEM.
298
00:19:55,494 --> 00:19:56,705
MMM, MMM!
299
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,407
THIS IS A BILL OF LADING
300
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,342
FROM AN INTERNATIONAL
TRANSPORT COMPANY.
301
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,877
I BEEN UP ALL NIGHT,
302
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,147
14 STRAIGHT HOURS ON THIS
GODDAMN MURDER SPREE.
303
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:06,315
NOW, I'M GONNA GO HOME.
304
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,383
I GONNA HAVE A LITTLE
BREAKFAST, ALL RIGHT?
305
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:08,805
READ IT!
306
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:15,290
"LOAM... EXTRA
THICK, 100 CUBIC FEET.
307
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,192
CARPATHIAN LANDFILL COMPANY."
308
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:21,763
CARPATHIA IS IN
TRANSYLVANIA, LIEUTENANT.
309
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,700
TRANSYLVANIAN SOIL IS ESSENTIAL
310
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,835
TO THE SURVIVAL OF A VAMPIRE.
311
00:20:26,859 --> 00:20:28,670
IT ALSO SAYS IN
THIS BILL OF LADING
312
00:20:28,694 --> 00:20:31,974
THAT IT WAS DELIVERED
TO AN ADDRESS IN THIS CITY,
313
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,609
MERE BLOCKS AWAY FROM THE SITES
314
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,645
OF YOUR MOST RECENT HOMICIDES.
315
00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,448
HMM.
316
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:42,106
CARE TO GO FOR A DRIVE?
317
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:00,769
HELLO?
318
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,538
IMAGINE... A VAMPIRE
RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES.
319
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:03,538
WHO IS IT?!
320
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:05,007
THOSE BAFFLING SHORTAGES,
321
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,542
THE CROSS OUTS IN
THE RECORD BOOKS.
322
00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,377
HOW LONG DID YOU EXPECT
TO GET AWAY WITH IT?
323
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:09,911
HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?
324
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:12,414
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE GOT SOME
LOVELY ANTIQUES IN HERE, LONGTOOTH,
325
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,850
RIGHT DOWN TO THE
LOCKS ON THE DOORS.
326
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,886
SIR, I PUT BACK ALL THE BLOOD.
327
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,723
IN FACT, I PUT BACK
MORE THAN I TOOK.
328
00:21:20,747 --> 00:21:22,658
YEAH, I KNOW... A LOT MORE.
329
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,227
YOUR FREELANCE
NECK-NIPPING PAID OFF IN SPADES.
330
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,062
WE WERE NEVER IN
DANGER OF GOING BANKRUPT.
331
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,664
THAT WAS JUST A RUSE.
332
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,233
I WANTED TO SEE JUST HOW
PRODUCTIVE YOU COULD BE IF YOU HAD TO,
333
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,502
AND YOU DID NOT DISAPPOINT ME.
334
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,537
I'VE GOT PLANS FOR
YOU, LONGTOOTH.
335
00:21:35,561 --> 00:21:36,972
BIG PLANS!
336
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:38,974
HEH HEH HEH!
337
00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:41,477
BULLETS ARE NO GOOD AGAINST ME,
338
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:44,046
FOOLISH MORTAL.
339
00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:45,314
AAH!
340
00:21:45,338 --> 00:21:46,949
STOPPED BY THE OLD
CHURCH YESTERDAY.
341
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:49,718
MANAGED TO FILL UP A COUPLE
OF SQUIRT GUNS WITH HOLY WATER.
342
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:50,719
AAH!
343
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:52,254
STINGS LIKE A BITCH, DOESN'T IT?
344
00:21:52,278 --> 00:21:54,056
AAH!
345
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,924
WHAT DO YOU WANT, PLEASE?
346
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:57,092
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
347
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,427
TO PROVIDE LIFE-GIVING BLOOD
348
00:21:58,451 --> 00:22:00,062
TO THOSE WHO NEED IT MOST...
349
00:22:00,086 --> 00:22:02,298
FOR A FEE, OF COURSE.
350
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,766
YOU'RE GONNA PUMP
THAT OLD PLASMA
351
00:22:03,790 --> 00:22:06,702
LIKE A GUSHER FULL OF TEXAS
CRUDE, AREN'T YOU, LONGTOOTH?
352
00:22:06,726 --> 00:22:08,137
AAH!
353
00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:10,406
AAH! AAH! AAH!
354
00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:12,841
AAH!
355
00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:14,777
I'M RUNNING OUT OF CRIMINALS.
356
00:22:14,801 --> 00:22:17,246
I THINK THEY MUST
BE HIDING INSIDE.
357
00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:18,380
LOWER YOUR STANDARDS.
358
00:22:18,404 --> 00:22:19,648
I'LL TAKE SOMEBODY WHO'S RUDE
359
00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:20,749
OR CHEATS ON THEIR TAXES.
360
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:21,783
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO,
361
00:22:21,807 --> 00:22:22,785
PICK PEOPLE AT RANDOM?
362
00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,286
WORKS FOR ME.
363
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:25,720
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
THE BLOOD'S ALREADY OURS.
364
00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:26,921
THEY'RE JUST KEEPING
IT WARM FOR US.
365
00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:28,991
I WON'T DO IT! I
WON'T KILL AGAIN!
366
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:31,427
AAH! AAH! AAH!
367
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,429
THEN I'LL TELL THE WHOLE
WORLD ABOUT YOUR LITTLE HOBBY.
368
00:22:33,453 --> 00:22:34,630
HOW LONG YOU FIGURE
BEFORE SOMEONE
369
00:22:34,654 --> 00:22:36,965
STROLLS IN WHILE YOU'RE
DOZING THE DAY AWAY
370
00:22:36,989 --> 00:22:38,867
AND PRODS YOUR TICKER
WITH A GRAPE STAKE?
371
00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,602
TIME'S UP, LUGOSI.
372
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,304
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
373
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:43,605
AAH!
374
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:46,564
OH! AAH! AAH!
375
00:22:50,403 --> 00:22:52,803
I-I'LL DO IT.
376
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:56,018
NO, YOU WON'T.
377
00:22:56,042 --> 00:22:57,820
Longtooth: SALLY, WHAT ON
EARTH ARE YOU DOING HERE?
378
00:22:57,844 --> 00:22:59,822
WHEN MR. CROSSWHITE
FOLLOWED YOU,
379
00:22:59,846 --> 00:23:01,323
I FOLLOWED HIM.
380
00:23:01,347 --> 00:23:03,625
I WAS AFRAID FOR YOU.
381
00:23:03,649 --> 00:23:06,661
THEN YOU KNOW THAT...
382
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,263
I AM A VAMPIRE.
383
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:11,266
OF COURSE. I'VE KNOWN FOR YEARS.
384
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:14,269
IT MAKES YOU KIND OF...
385
00:23:14,293 --> 00:23:15,771
SEXY.
386
00:23:15,795 --> 00:23:17,895
AW...
387
00:23:19,565 --> 00:23:20,876
REALLY?
388
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,878
VERY TOUCHING,
BUT VERY POINTLESS,
389
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:26,482
SINCE SALLY AND I ARE GONNA
HAVE A SCORCHING LOVE AFFAIR,
390
00:23:26,506 --> 00:23:29,485
UNLESS YOU WANT FANGS HERE
TO GET HIS RIBCAGE PIERCED.
391
00:23:29,509 --> 00:23:30,486
PLEASE, MR. CROSSWHITE.
392
00:23:30,510 --> 00:23:32,254
THINK OF IT AS A
CAREER MOVE, SALLY.
393
00:23:32,278 --> 00:23:35,558
I'LL EVEN THROW IN THAT LITTLE
RAISE YOU ALWAYS WANTED, HMM?
394
00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:43,866
OK, BUT PROMISE YOU
WON'T HURT MR. LONGTOOTH.
395
00:23:43,890 --> 00:23:45,400
RIGHT. YEAH.
WHATEVER. YEAH. SURE.
396
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:46,534
HOW ABOUT YOU, COUNT?
397
00:23:46,558 --> 00:23:47,635
DO YOU WANT TO
SURVIVE THE WEEKEND?
398
00:23:47,659 --> 00:23:49,171
WHATEVER YOU SAY.
399
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:50,172
SMART MOVE.
400
00:23:50,196 --> 00:23:52,074
NOW GO SNORE IN YOUR COFFIN.
401
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:53,942
WHERE IS YOUR COFFIN, ANYWAY?
402
00:23:53,966 --> 00:23:56,945
I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED ONE
OF THOSE TO GO BEDDY-BYE.
403
00:23:56,969 --> 00:24:00,149
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SHOW YOU?
404
00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:02,493
YEAH, AS A MATTER
OF FACT, I WOULD.
405
00:24:24,430 --> 00:24:25,896
OHH!
406
00:24:28,134 --> 00:24:29,344
SUCKER.
407
00:24:29,368 --> 00:24:31,869
SPEAKING OF WHICH...
408
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:38,220
ARE YOU GOING TO...
409
00:24:38,244 --> 00:24:40,911
OH, YES. YES.
410
00:24:42,748 --> 00:24:44,748
IT'S HAPPY HOUR.
411
00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:53,235
THERE'S SOMEBODY
COMING DOWNSTAIRS.
412
00:24:53,259 --> 00:24:55,737
WE MUST GET RID OF HIM.
413
00:24:55,761 --> 00:24:57,761
OPEN THE COFFIN.
414
00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,601
YOU'RE STRONG!
415
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:16,412
SALLY. SALLY,
QUICK. QUICK. HIDE.
416
00:25:22,822 --> 00:25:25,789
HOLY SHIT. LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
417
00:25:27,292 --> 00:25:30,794
I KNOW WHERE YOUR
BLOODSUCKING DEMON IS, LIEUTENANT.
418
00:25:43,308 --> 00:25:46,287
YOU SEE, LIEUTENANT,
I KNOW MY ENEMY.
419
00:25:46,311 --> 00:25:49,813
I KNOW HIS TRICKS. I
KNOW HIS METHODS.
420
00:25:53,152 --> 00:25:55,886
THERE'S YOUR VAMPIRE.
421
00:25:57,590 --> 00:25:58,833
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
422
00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:00,001
WHERE AM I?
423
00:26:00,025 --> 00:26:01,737
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT!
424
00:26:01,761 --> 00:26:02,971
THIS MAN'S ALIVE!
425
00:26:02,995 --> 00:26:04,039
NO!
426
00:26:06,632 --> 00:26:10,245
WHAT IN HELL DID YOU DO?
427
00:26:10,269 --> 00:26:12,969
IT HAD TO BE DONE, LIEUTENANT.
428
00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,872
IT HAD TO BE DONE.
429
00:26:47,239 --> 00:26:49,739
IT'S SO HORRIBLE.
430
00:26:51,243 --> 00:26:53,221
YES.
431
00:26:53,245 --> 00:26:55,245
AND SO EXCITING.
432
00:26:59,251 --> 00:27:02,230
CAN I ASK YOU A
FAVOR, MR. LONGTOOTH?
433
00:27:02,254 --> 00:27:05,233
PLEASE, CALL ME DONALD.
434
00:27:05,257 --> 00:27:09,237
DONALD, WOULD YOU CONSIDER...
435
00:27:09,261 --> 00:27:12,240
WHAT I MEAN IS, COULD YOU...
436
00:27:12,264 --> 00:27:16,244
I MEAN, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
437
00:27:16,268 --> 00:27:19,247
A CREATURE OF THE DARKNESS.
438
00:27:19,271 --> 00:27:20,770
YOU HAVE?
439
00:27:22,274 --> 00:27:26,254
SALLY AND DONALD FOREVER.
440
00:27:26,278 --> 00:27:28,278
OH, SAL.
441
00:27:33,785 --> 00:27:39,267
UH, HAVE YOU HAD DENTAL
SURGERY IN THE LAST 72 HOURS?
442
00:27:39,291 --> 00:27:40,768
UH-UH.
443
00:27:40,792 --> 00:27:42,292
GOOD.
444
00:27:45,797 --> 00:27:47,175
OH!
445
00:27:47,199 --> 00:27:51,746
THIS IS SO... SEXY!
446
00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:54,004
OH! OH!
447
00:28:12,724 --> 00:28:18,073
AH! IT'S GOOD TO SEE TWO LOVERS
SO BATTY ABOUT EACH OTHER.
448
00:28:18,097 --> 00:28:22,110
NOW, THAT'S A RELATIONSHIP
THEY CAN SINK THEIR TEETH INTO!
449
00:28:22,134 --> 00:28:25,580
HA HA HA HA HA!
450
00:28:25,604 --> 00:28:29,584
AS FOR ME. I'VE GOT
TO GET BACK TO WORK.
451
00:28:29,608 --> 00:28:31,152
EXAMS, YOU KNOW.
452
00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:34,022
I HEAR THE FINAL'S A
REAL PAIN IN THE NECK,
453
00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:35,991
NOT THAT I'M
WORRIED OR ANYTHING.
454
00:28:36,015 --> 00:28:39,527
SO FAR ALL MY MARKS
HAVE BEEN PERFECT!
455
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:42,930
AH HA HA HA HA!
456
00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:45,022
MMM!
457
00:28:49,194 --> 00:28:52,195
CAPTIONING MADE
POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS.
458
00:28:59,138 --> 00:29:02,258
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE... www.ncicap.org...
31049
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