Original subtitles

Kiss me.

No. Kiss me now.

She must be some girl.

Tell her she's lucky, whoever she is.

The lucky girl's name was Hattie, only she didn't know that she was all that

lucky. Because, you see, to Hattie, we were just friends. But to me, she was,

well, she was more, much more.

And if I had my way, someday she would be mine.

Say you're sorry.

Say you're sorry.

He's killing him. What'd he say?

He said he's sorry.

Wonderful.

Now that that's all over with, breakfast is on the house. You listen to me.

I'm a good patron of this place. Never have I been treated like this.

You can expect to hear from my lawyer.

Yeah, well, you can tell him from me that pinching my ass isn't on the menu.

Did you pinch her ass? Why? Did you pinch her ass? No. You pinched her ass!

Howard! You pinched her ass! You're crazy! I know!

Please.

You need to be in therapy.

You're a kid.

Something's wrong with you.

Hey!

Hey, mister!

Miss! Mister!

Hey!

Don't get afraid, lady. I'm not going to hurt you. What do you want?

Here, you dropped your wallet back over there.

Count it, Howard. These people are thieves. They're thieves.

Count it!

Count the money!

Vicki, shut up!

Thanks.

Maddie, something else, isn't she?

She's got a real flair for the way she feels.

Yeah, she's got a flair, all right. A real flair. Stop talking to him.

Let's get out of here.

You gotta remember not to let her grab you by the collar, because if you slip

her, you can get her. But if she gets you by the collar, she's got you, and

gotta give.

I'm gonna marry her. Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, let me give you a little advice.

Don't wear a tie to the wedding.

All right.

Close the window. Okay.

See ya.

He'll be right there.

Mr. Linzer, I'm going to go now. Anything you need?

No. Go, go.

How come you don't come to our house for dinner anymore, Satchel? You met at us?

I'll come.

You say you'll come, but you don't come.

I will.

You say you will, but you don't come.

He's the boy I know.

Looks the look on his face.

Cupid dances on his eyelids.

I'll come.

I will.

Do you remember being in love like that?

Man, oh man, have I got a story of what happened to me last night.

I was just mopping, mop, mop, mop, when this beautiful woman comes into the

store and she's dressed rich but nice.

And I say, look, we're closed. But she doesn't move. She just stays right

Are you sure you weren't dreaming?

Yeah, you know, I thought about that, so I bit myself and it hurt.

You're lucky, Sergio. Things happen to you.

Nothing ever happens to me.

But I'm going to change all that.

Oh, yeah? What are you going to do?

I'm going to go and see the world.

Oh, you're going to go see the world? Yeah.

Where are you going to go?

I don't know, France maybe, or Italy, or Africa.

Don't you want to see different places for a change?

I don't know. I like it here.

See, that's the difference between me and you.

I have aspirations.

I'm saving my money to see the world, and you don't even have a dime.

But I'm going to be manager of Linzer someday, you know, and I want to have

plenty of money then. Yeah, someday.

Well, who needs money anyway?

Everybody needs money.

You got to have money to go places, to see different new things.

I can't. I'm sorry. No.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Hattie.

What if... What if I save my money? Could I go with you?

You want to see the world with me?

Yeah. Could I go?

Yeah.

Yeah, if you want to.

That's it. That's it. That does it. That does it.

Tomorrow, I'm marching down to Mr. Linzer, and I'm demanding to be made

You see?

That's aspiration.

But you better hurry, because I'm not waiting forever.

Sir. Come on. Give me a break. Get out of my car.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

So, um, what do you plan to do first? I mean, you got a lot of dreams, don't

you? Yeah.

Mr. Linzer?

Can I have a word with you?

Mr. Linzer?

Is something wrong?

Troubles.

Mr. Linzer, we're like family. You can tell me anything.

You know something?

You're a good boy. You care for other people like your father.

God rest his soul.

Times are bad.

This place is doing very bad. I'm afraid I'm going to lose this place to the

bill collectors.

No.

I don't mind having nothing. I'm a man but Mrs. Linzer.

I can't watch her live like a duck.

No, I love her more than the air I breathe. I would rather die than to tell

I could not provide for her. But you do provide. You provide her with

everything.

Do you know what it's like?

To love someone so much, you would do anything

for them.

I do.

Burn the place.

Burn? If there were a fire, a small fire, the insurance would save me.

You want me to burn this place?

Not a big fire, a small fire, a strong fire, a good fire, just enough to burn

everything to the ground.

I'm simply desperate.

There's no other way.

But this is your life, Mr. Linzer.

Everything that you work for is built around you right now. You can't just

it down. It's like a member of your family, Mr. Linzer.

Look at the ovens in the kitchen, huh? And how about these walls?

What about the windows and these beaten up wooden floors, Mr. Linzer?

Look, it's like a part of you. If you burn this down, it's going to be gone.

I do love this place, yes.

And you'll find a way of paying the bills. You've had hard times before.

No, Sergio.

Sergio, you're right.

And you don't have to pay me right away.

Oh, no, no, no.

I won't. You have not paid me.

And

you're

not going to burn this place down.

Okay. Okay.

Sergio, I pray it will never happen to you, but it happens to every man.

You really have to choose between two things you love.

All I love is Hattie.

You said you'd ask.

She doesn't have the money right now.

I said I'd wait, but not forever.

She drives me crazy.

You know, I'm saving every penny I got, but at this pace, I'm gonna be at least

110 by the time I have enough money.

And my then -Hattie's gonna be in France with some French guy.

You know, to tell you the truth, I like you, Sergio.

You know Richie Rich, but you got a good heart.

For up to me, I've got no problem with two of you getting together.

But she's got this idea.

without seeing the world.

So I tell her, Hattie, watch National Geographic.

Save your money.

I would not give up. I worked and I saved and I thought about Hattie.

Every day my love for her just grew more and more and more until sometimes I

would forget to breathe.

Got to breathe again.

I know this may sound strange, but I pictured us and the places we would go.

It didn't matter to me if it were London or Paris or France or some hot, sweaty

jungle somewhere.

You see, the feeling was always the same because I was with Hattie and she was

with me.

Well, looking back now, it was all so simple, and that's when it all went

Sergio. Sergio.

Thank God.

Thank God you're okay.

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine.

I'm okay. Sergio.

Something wrong with you?

Please, Hattie.

Right now, I got a lot of thoughts flying through my head, okay?

Mr. Lindler is watching his life go up in flames. What could be worse than

Things.

Things that you'll never know.

Things? Yes, things.

Like what could be so special?

Like... I don't have a job.

How can you be so selfish?

Selfish? Everybody else is around here. Nobody's thinking of Sergio Cucho and

where Sergio's gonna sleep tomorrow, how Sergio's gonna eat tomorrow.

And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not Richie Rich. That place was everything

I had, Hattie.

But you know what?

From now on, I'm just gonna think of me.

Sergio Cucho. Me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to surprise you.

Fires make people jumpy, huh?

You the owner?

No, I just work here.

I mean, I used to work here.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Who are you?

I'm just a guy who likes fire. That's all.

Yeah, well, you're late. You should have been here yesterday.

I'm Jerry Fitzpatrick.

Nice meeting you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, boy.

Are you with the fire department?

Uh, no.

No, I'm not.

What's your name?

Sergio. And I don't know who started the fire.

I didn't say you knew who started the fire. Yeah, but you were thinking it. I

was thinking no such thing. Just the opposite.

What I was thinking was, that kid looks like an honest kid.

Yeah. Yeah.

Got that right.

Good. Good, because that's exactly what I was thinking.

Yeah.

Want to go for a ride?

Huh?

Feel like taking a ride somewhere?

This air we're breathing, it's not very good for you.

It's hurting my lungs.

I used to have asthma as a kid.

Who knows what the hell we're breathing in here, huh?

So what exactly is it that you do for a living?

I work for Mr. Lumpkin.

Drugs?

Mr.

Lumpkin makes wigs.

What, wigs like in hair?

Hair for women, toupee for men.

See this hair I have on top of my head?

Yeah. One of the finest toupees made today.

That's not your hair?

Amazing, isn't it?

You can actually make a living doing that.

Very good living.

Hairlessness is a scourge that must be stopped.

Jerry seemed like a nice enough man, so I told him about me and Hattie.

That now since I had no job, I had no chance of going away with her.

Jerry said he knew about a job.

Sorry for making you wait, but Mr. Lumpkin is very, very eager to meet you.

on, come on.

Sergio, Tom Lumpkin.

Very nice to meet you.

Same. I hope we're not inconveniencing you.

No, no, okay.

Well, Jerry, you can sometimes seem imposing.

I'm a terror.

Sit down, sit down, please. Make yourself comfortable for pizza.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Well, Jerry tells me that you worked at a store where they had that terrible

fire. Yeah.

Was anyone hurt?

No. Good.

That's very good.

Relieved here.

I'm sure you're wondering why Jerry brought you here.

Yeah, well, he said there was something about a job. Yes, well, a job, yeah, a

job of sorts.

Let me explain.

Would you like something to drink?

Jerry. No, no, no.

What's the job?

I have a son your age, and he's... not as good a boy as you.

But he's the only family I've got. I love him very much.

But sometimes he can be difficult.

He can be very, very difficult.

You see, my son... My son...

My boy...

Set that awful fire.

Your son started the Linzer fire?

Yes. And he will go to jail.

You see, he's been in trouble before, so he will go to jail.

And that's not where he belongs, because down inside, he's a good boy.

A boy with talent.

Every day I ask myself, why couldn't he be an ordinary kid, you know? But it's

always something. It is always something.

Why would he burn down Mr. Linzer's door?

Believe me, I don't know.

But he did it.

He did it.

And it's killing me.

It's killing me, Sergio.

What do you want from me?

If someone were to take the blame for that fire... Somebody who's never been

trouble before.

They would receive a minimal sentence.

Very minimal.

Probation at most. Then I would give them a reward for saving my son.

Sergio.

I will pay you to take the blame for this fire.

$25 ,000, Sergio.

$25 ,000.

I don't believe you're saying what you're saying. Sergio, before you say

just think about it. No.

No way. No.

Sergio, please.

I beg you. It's not for me. It's for my boy. It's for my son.

I can't.

I'm sorry. I can't do it.

I just, I can't.

I understand.

I apologize for insulting you.

Was the guy who owned the restaurant insured?

Yeah.

Then he wins.

How do you mean?

He gets his money.

And if you decide to take this offer, I'm not saying you will, but if you do,

then you win too.

Well, how's that?

Get out of here with your girl.

What would Hattie say if she thought that I burned down Mr. Lindsay's place?

She would be blown away.

Girls love gestures.

You bring them flowers. You open up a door for them.

Burn down a place, whatever.

If she found out that you torched that place for her, she would fall into your

arms like a sack of rose petals.

Sergio.

Sergio, stop for one second, please.

All I'm saying is that this is a situation that's difficult to look at

angle. Because nobody's right, but everybody wins.

The guy who owns the store, he gets his insurance money.

Mr. Lumpkin's son stays out of jail.

And you get the money, don't you get the girl, and everybody's happy.

Sergio, Sergio, look at me.

Look at me.

Looking back now at my life.

I wish I had the same chance you have now, kid.

Take the money, and you and Hattie, you're gonna live happily ever after.

And if I don't?

If you don't, if you don't, maybe somebody's gonna build a store here in a

couple years. Maybe.

And maybe they'll need a helper.

And maybe you'll get to wait on Hattie and her husband when they come to visit.

Take it. Take the money, kid.

Terrible has happened.

Yeah, I know.

How do you know?

How do I know what?

They took Mr. Lindgren for questioning.

What? Why?

They think he started the fire.

Yeah, but Mr. Lindgren didn't start the fire.

Hey, where are you going?

Do you remember when you said you would wait for me to get the money to see the

world? Yeah, so?

Would you?

It won't be long, I swear.

Yeah, yeah, I'll wait.

You swear?

Swear. Okay, okay, I swear.

Swear?

So I took him out of public school, and I sent him to military school. Make a

man out of him, you know.

Well, that worked for a while.

And then his mother died, and

something happened to him. It was just...

I'm sorry.

Oh, don't, don't. The monkey flees.

Awful.

Please don't do that.

Could you make him stop, please?

I can't.

You're like a saint to this man. You're saving my son's life. Do you understand

that?

I would do anything for this boy, Jerry.

We'll get him a toupee.

No cost.

You're a very brave young man.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

You're willing to sacrifice and get what you want out of life.

Tomorrow, we're going to go downtown. We're going to set up an account in his

name with the money that only you can touch.

Yeah, okay.

Of course, if you don't think it'd be safe, I could give you the money in

No, no, no.

It's not that. I just... I just want you to know something.

I'm not the kind of guy who does this thing on a regular basis. No, no, I

understand. We understand.

Please, Sergio, please.

Of course. I'm not.

We understand that.

Look, please.

Sergio, I want you to understand.

As far as anybody's concerned, you started this fire, and no one could ever

what we've said here today.

Huh?

Nobody.

Okay.

I'm on my way, Mr. Lumpkin.

And when I say that I... I'm not going to tell anybody.

I'm not going to tell.

I know that good boy.

He's a good boy. He's a great boy.

And that's a great wine.

Something happened to me at that moment.

The first time in my life, I hated someone.

Someone that I didn't even know.

I began to hate the guy who started the fire.

And the more I thought of him far, far away from all this, I hated him more.

And for the first time, my mind wasn't on Hattie, but it was on what Hattie

believed, that the rich could do whatever they want.

That guy.

Wherever he was was free, and I wasn't.

I spent that night just thinking of his face, imagining him laughing and

laughing, having a good time, while I just sat in my room hating him more.

So I tried not to think of this, and instead I thought of Hattie, and I tried

go to sleep.

Sergio, how's it going?

Good morning, Sergio.

There's something I've got to talk to you about.

Have a seat.

You feeling okay?

You know the Linzer fire?

Yeah.

Mr. Linzer didn't do it.

What?

It was me!

Sergio,

what gave you today?

Thursday. Good, good, good.

Who was the 16th president of the United States?

I didn't know that before I knocked myself out.

I got just one question.

Why?

Why? Why would you have any reason to start that fire?

It just came over me.

Just came over you?

Just came over you?

All right.

Then answer me this.

How'd you start the fire?

What do you mean?

Well, this fire was started in a very interesting way.

How'd you start the fire?

I don't have to tell anything.

What is it, some kind of secret?

When does a guy have to prove that he's guilty nowadays?

Sergio, I do not know why you're saying you did this.

But I can tell you one thing.

This is forever. This will go on your record forever.

And the truth is, you're probably going to do some time.

Good

morning, Mrs.

Alden. Oh, good morning, good morning.

How are you today?

Much better.

They catch you. The bastard who burned the Lindsay's place.

Yeah? Yeah, and she would never believe it who did it. Who?

Our Sergio.

What did you just say? I said the surgeon burned in the linden's place.

Now, you're making some kind of mistake.

Oh, it's no mistake.

It's him.

He turned himself in.

It's not as bad as it looks.

What's going on?

I can't go into it right now.

But between you and me... You're going to be very happy.

You're in jail.

Yeah, I know.

Why?

You know, the fire.

I know the fire, but you didn't set that fire.

Oh, Jesus, Hattie. What are you trying to do, huh? You tell me what's going on.

I can't right now. I can't right now, but remember... Remember?

Remember you said you would wait for me?

You've got 20 seconds to tell me what's going on, or I'm going to bust your face

in. You better pray they never let you out.

Trust me. Trust me. Look, I've got this under control. This is the best thing

for everyone.

Excuse me.

Well, this is it, Hattie. This is it.

I'm going up the river, the big house, the clink.

Where are you taking him?

I'm not taking him anywhere.

Free to go.

Flame. I can't. Who burned down Lindsworth?

Me. I started the fire. You didn't start the fire. I did. You didn't. I know you

didn't. Well, how would you know? I know you'd never do something like that.

Well, I got reasons.

Give me one.

Look, I know this is really hard to understand, but that fire made us a lot

money.

Someone paid you to burn down Linzer's? Look, I... Look, how do you take my word

for it? Everybody's going to be a winner for this. And how's that?

Well, for one thing, Mr. Linzer gets his insurance. Yeah?

Yeah. And how did he do that from jail?

What do you mean?

When Mr. Linzer found out what you say you did, he turned himself in.

He's taking the blame for your fire!

Hattie, please, I'm sorry.

Go away.

Hattie.

Hattie, I didn't know. Leave me alone, okay?

You don't look good. Are you okay?

Oh, I'm better than okay. I'm just fine.

Good.

Then tell me, what are you doing here?

I'm taking my place where I belong.

Yeah, among the criminals.

You're not a criminal, Mr. Lindsay. I'm the criminal. Look, you've got to tell

him that I did this.

Please, Mr. Lindsay, please. This is my fire.

I'm begging you, please, please.

But you did this for me. I am to blame.

Stop running from my problems.

If I have to lose everything, then so be it.

Great, great.

Does Mrs. Linsen know about this?

When I learned of what you had done, I confessed to her what I had told you.

About... about running the place?

About everything.

Everything?

Oh, no, don't do that.

Don't do that. Mr. Linzer, please don't cry.

Don't do that, please.

Okay, that's it. That's it. I'm not going to let you take the blame for

Mr. Linzer.

Mr. Linzer, I'm going to get you out. Don't get me out.

This is the place where I belong among the unloved. I'm going to get you out.

No, I don't want out. I want in. Mr. Linzer, this is crazy talk. I'm going to

get you out. If you get me out, I'll break back in. I don't care if you break

back in. I'm going to break you right back out. I want in. I'm getting you

All that night I walked the street thinking.

The shop was burned to the ground.

Mr. Linder was in jail. Patty hated my guts.

Things couldn't get any worse, or so I thought.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for someone named Sergio. Do you know him?

Who are you?

I've come to deliver a message. Where can I find him?

I'm him.

How much did he pay you, huh? Who? My father.

How much did he pay you to take the claim for my fire?

Don't answer that.

Want to know why?

Because I don't even want to know.

Shitface. You?

You're the one who started the fire?

Ah.

Now, that's some quick thinking.

With brains like yours, I'd be a fool to waste them.

I'm a menace to society.

I don't belong in the streets.

So don't get any funny ideas. What did I ever do to you?

What did you do? What did I do? What did you do? Yes, what did I do?

You're a thief.

You stole my fire.

You think starting a fire is easy? No, no, no, no, no.

It's not just about lighting a match.

Any jagoff can light a match.

But to be a pyromaniac with love in his heart?

Well, what's to say they don't give mad classes in that?

Where are we going?

Just shut up and keep moving, you.

Before you're so full of holes, you'll piss out your shoulder blades.

Come on.

Okay, fine.

Fine. You know what?

I deserve to die.

I just want you to kill me. Go ahead. Just pull me out of my misery. Go ahead.

Kill me.

Kill you?

Yeah, go ahead. Just shoot. Go ahead. Pull the trigger.

Just shut up and get off the tracks, asshole.

Don't move.

All right.

Waiting for a train.

You mean for you?

Yes.

Then what am I doing?

You're here as my witness.

I want you to tell Stephanie that my love for her was too great to live with.

It's your ticket.

It's her address.

I want you to tell her that you took the credit for my fire.

You left me here with this last desperate poem to her.

Because she could never be mine.

Let me get this straight.

You want to die because I took the blame for your fire.

I wanted to go to jail for that fire.

But you ruined that.

Now all I want is for my death to rest on the conscience of Stephanie.

Because you wanted to go to jail.

What, am I talking to a wall here?

Listen. I think I got an idea. Come on, get off the tracks.

This is my train. You get off the tracks. You're going to have to shoot

Wait a second.

Wait a second.

Stay away.

Just stay away.

Who the hell do you think you are anyway?

I'm sorry. I just wanted to... You don't get it, do you?

You're in the middle of a love story here.

I'm trying to give it a good ending, and you keep screwing it up. Listen, this

is my love story, and if you just had one shred of a heart, you'd at least

me out.

Did you have your love story?

Yeah.

Say, you know a guy can get a drink around here?

See, Mr. Limzer thought that I'd burn the place down, so he turned himself in.

And now I gotta get him out of jail somehow, but I can't because I gave your

father my word that I wouldn't turn you in. This is your love story?

Right, right. And when your father offered me the money, I thought, wow,

my only chance to see the world with Hattie. And I thought that she'd be

but she wasn't. No, no. Do you know what she says to me? What? She says that she

hates my guts and she never wants to see me again.

Despicable love.

Unconstant womankind. A tiger's heart wrapped in a woman's hide.

Come again? When it comes to love, my friend, women cannot be trusted.

They say one thing, they mean another.

They're evil.

They're the most evil of all creatures.

Stephanie was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.

I fell in love with her the first moment I ever set eyes on her perfect,

beautiful face.

But how can anyone ever love me?

You want something? I want love!

It's a love story.

The story of the unlovable.

About a man too horrible, too grotesque with a woman he loves.

Why?

Because women don't want a man who loves them.

They want Prince Charming, who has two good legs.

Finally, one day, my Stephanie comes to me.

She tells me she's in love with another man.

Better she should have ripped out my heart and shoved it down the garbage

disposal.

In just one night, this thief stole my Stephanie's heart, smothering her.

helpless lips with kisses, telling her he would not let her go until

she swore that she would love him forever.

Just one night, Sergio.

One night, this Romeo stole from me the only hope I ever had of happiness.

Now I'm nothing.

Hey, tell me where the son of a bitch is and I'll bring you his eyes.

Thank you, my good man.

But all she told me is that he works at a little pastry shop.

Pastry shop?

Yes. Well, you don't know him, do you? No, no, no, no. I don't know anybody.

Oh, rage built inside me.

My rage slowly boiled and I was overcome with the urge to burn something.

Anything, Sergio.

Don't you understand? It was love.

Love turned me into a pyromaniac.

That's original. I wanted to be caught. I wanted to go to jail.

To give up my freedom for Stephanie.

Because I wanted her to see.

I wanted her to see what her love had done to me.

Now... Now I live among the unloved.

I belong in a maximum security prison for men!

I got an idea about some of the interesting things you just said inside.

Oh, Sergio, Sergio, Sergio.

You are the one shining light in this hellish hole, this stinking swamp of

whatever.

You have saved my sorry, despicable life.

For this, I am forever in your debt.

I know how we can square things with me, Garrett. Just say it, my friend. Say

it.

And it's yours.

You've got to turn.

You've got to turn yourself in for the fire.

Turn myself in? Yes.

For my own fire?

Yes. Yes.

Of course.

I'll turn myself in for my own fire.

That's a great idea.

But surely that's not enough to repay you. Oh, no, no. Believe me. Believe me.

That's plenty.

Oh, Sergio.

You were a prince among putzes.

I am going to do you a favor that years from now you'll thank me for. But I

don't want to have to thank you. I don't want you to do me any favors. I don't

want you to do anything for me. I'm very happy with everything you've done.

Thank you.

I want you to show up at the police station tomorrow. That's all. Tonight

saved my life, Sergio.

A life of torment and suffering.

Tomorrow, I'm going to save yours.

Don't save my life. Just show up at the police station tomorrow.

What would you like?

I'm looking for Hattie.

That's me.

For you.

Do I know you?

Look, if you decide what you want, I'll be back.

There you go.

This is best for everyone!

Don't worry, kid. You'll be okay.

You just took a shot to the head.

This

is

bad.

This is bad.

You nearly killed a man.

This is going too far.

He was kissing me.

This man could sue me for everything I have.

I'll have nothing.

Would one kiss have killed you?

Why don't you let him kiss you?

I only wish I had that option.

You know what I would do if he kissed me?

Pucker up.

Look, Pop.

I'm sorry.

I don't mean to get you in trouble.

What are you doing to these boys?

What do you mean?

You do something to make them fall in love.

I didn't do anything. I've never seen this guy in my life.

I'm warning you.

There's a father who loves his daughter. You stop whatever it is you're doing.

I don't do anything. Are you crazy?

I'm not crazy.

I'm a man.

Every man I know is crazy.

I'm leaving.

Good. Leave me here to suffer.

No, I mean the neighborhood.

I'm going away.

What are you talking about?

You got no money. Where are you going to go? What are you going to do?

I saved enough money to get a ticket someplace.

No.

No?

You go.

I was going to meet my waitress.

Oh.

Is that all I am?

Your waitress?

Sergio. Did you hear?

What? Some guy attacked Hattie.

What a mess. Sent the poor bastard to the hospital.

The guy.

Did he have two good legs?

Mr. Lito, what happened?

My little girl has grown up.

Is Hattie okay?

But she's not here.

Well, thank you for coming, Sergio.

Mr. Vito, what happened to the guy she popped?

I'll be okay.

Gary? Sergio!

Come here, come here.

Oh, my God, look at that. What happened to you? She tagged me pretty good, huh?

Nearly knocked out my front teeth.

Knocked me right out like a light. Bam!

Hey,

they think the shot to the head is starting to make me act a little weird.

But I feel superhuman.

Like I can fly.

Who are you today?

You were supposed to turn yourself in. I was going to, but first I wanted to do

you that favor. What favor?

I wanted to save you from heartache, so I threw myself at your Hattie girl.

What?

I wanted to prove to you a simple kiss could turn a woman's heart.

Just like it did my Stephanie.

But where am I?

Kiss my Hattie.

So she is the most amazing woman I've ever been punched by in my life.

Yeah, well, she certainly has a flair, doesn't she? A flair?

A flair like a nuclear bomb.

Not only did she not fall in love with me, she nearly killed me.

I was going to go to jail with the belief that in this whole world there's

one complete, you know, total complete woman.

And now I've met Addie.

What about that girl that you're in love with?

Bethany Potts.

She is without a peck.

Hey. Sweetener, I'm overflowing with love.

Kiss me.

Shut up, you. Back to your room and you out.

Hey, Garrett, we got a deal, right? You're going to turn yourself in

right? Of course we got a deal, Sergio.

We got a deal.

Who's in charge here?

Who is in charge here?

What do you need, Mrs. Lenzer?

I want to turn myself in.

I am a criminal.

And what have you done?

I burned my husband's shop down.

That night, I decided to save my husband by setting the shop on

fire.

Mr. Linzer is only trying to save me by taking the blame for this terrible fire.

He knew nothing about it.

Mrs. Linzer, please. You did not start the fire.

Oh, yes, I did.

No, you did not.

Well, I'm old enough.

I knew your mother.

Mrs. Linzer, it's late.

I want to go home.

Now, Mrs. Linzer, you know you didn't start the fire. I know you didn't start

the fire. There is nothing, absolutely nothing you can say to convince me you

started it.

It's me, Garrett.

Oh, no, not you again.

Please don't hurt me.

What do you want?

I'm going away tomorrow.

I may never see you again.

Yeah, so?

I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

I meant no harm kissing you.

It was an accident.

Yeah, well, if that was an accident, you should get some insurance for the next

time.

I know I'm nothing to you.

No one is...

Horribly repulsive as me deserves to be kissed by someone as beautiful as you.

That's all I wanted to say.

I'll go now.

Suffering.

Alone.

Into the dark.

Unwelcoming.

You okay?

Please leave me here.

Yeah, I should leave you here.

Come on, let's go.

Get up. Where are you taking me?

Look, if you don't shut up, I'm going to throw you back into the street.

Your words are like poetry to my ears.

Shut up.

Okay.

Quit staring at me.

Sorry.

You live here alone?

No. Me and my dad.

But we've been fighting, so he stays away till I fall off.

Ah, it's very authentic. I like it, yes.

I like it. I like it.

What's with the cane?

It's my curse.

It's for my deformity.

It's the reason no woman will ever love me.

Oh, if you don't mind me asking.

You look like such a mess.

I am the way I am because... I've been driven insane by love.

Love can't drive you insane.

Oh, yes, it can. No, it can't. Oh, yes, it can.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You haven't heard my love story.

It may be too much for you. Too much for me? Ah.

Yes.

It's the story of the unlovable.

And how the unlovable must watch the one he loves fall in love with someone

else.

Is that any way to talk to your wife?

What are you doing?

Starting things on fire. Acting like.

There is no place for you.

Is it a place for you?

A man is stronger than a woman. Oh, for heaven's sake.

I heard enough. I called a guard to have you removed.

What's come over you?

You can't go to jail for this.

And who's going to stop me?

All my life you have been a good man.

A good husband.

And you've taken care of me.

And you treat me like I'm an idiot.

What are you talking about?

Do you think I don't know they have no money?

First, I thought I didn't know you for doing such a thing.

Burning down everything we've worked for.

And then I realized what you are.

Proud.

Too proud.

What did you think?

That I would not love you anymore?

I will always love you.

And for once in my life.

I will do something to show you how much.

And this David guy, with nothing but savage lust in his heart,

pulls his lips away from hers and says,

I will not let you go until you promise to love me.

Forever.

What an asshole.

I mean, what match am I for a guy like that?

Oh, give me a break.

Any girl would take you over a guy like that any day.

If only I could believe that. Believe it.

I'm a woman. I know.

Why?

Why would any woman love a freak of nature like me?

I don't know.

You're different.

You've got feelings.

Yes, I've got feelings.

We have so much in common.

We go with our emotions, our passions.

That's why you punched me.

Don't you understand? That's why I kissed you.

What are you getting at?

I'm in love with you.

You're not in love with me. I am.

got through telling me you're in love with Stephanie.

She's weak.

Don't you understand?

That guy stole her heart with a kiss.

But with a kiss, you broke my faith.

Every man I know has laughed at mine. I know it sounds crazy, but right now I'm

more sane than I've ever been.

I will happily go to jail for the rest of my life just knowing there's a woman

out there as passionate as you.

What do you mean go to jail?

I must be honest with you.

In your presence, I can be nothing but totally honest.

I started the fire at the pastry place a few days ago.

You? It was for love.

I did it for love.

You started the fire? I couldn't help myself.

She was in love with that... that doughboy.

What doughboy? That doughboy Stephanie fell in love with. There is no doughboy

at Lindner's.

Just Sergio.

Mr. Linzer, you're not in jail.

Curse you.

Curse you.

Curse you. Something incredible has happened.

Something remarkable.

Again? Mrs. Linzer has turned herself in for the fire.

Oh, my God, no. That's terrible.

Terrible. Wonderful.

Marvelous. Magnificent. It's a nice jail, Mr. Linzer, but it's not

You know, she turned herself in because she loves me. She loves me. She loves

me. I have no money, no job. My wife is in jail. And I feel, I feel.

Singing, dancing, singing, dancing.

Like singing, like singing.

Mr. Linzer, Mr. Linzer, we can't leave Mrs. Linzer in jail.

Of course, yeah, of course.

Right.

Of course.

Listen to me.

Listen to me, Sasha. You're a good boy, but you did a bad thing. A very bad

thing. And I have done a very bad thing, too. No, no, Mr. Linser, you haven't

done anything. I did, I did, I did. I put this very bad thing inside your

If I hadn't done this, Miss Linser wouldn't be in jail.

Out of all this tragedy, only one thing can save us all from doom.

The truth.

You must turn yourself in for the fire.

You start it.

Mr. Linser, Mr. Linser, I swear to you.

Tomorrow, Mrs. Linzer's going to be back in your arms again, and her time in

jail is just going to be a fading memory, I promise you.

Thank you.

Thank you, Sergio. Thank you.

Thank you.

So, I think I'll go.

Thank the good Lord for sending me, Mrs.

Linzer.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Sergio!

She loves me. She loves me.

Wonderful.

Wonderful. It's wonderful.

Hattie, what are you doing here?

Go away.

I can't. I live here.

You were paid to take the blame for this fire.

Who told you that? Garrett. He also told me that you stole his girl.

What? The one you've been kissing.

Is that who you did all this for, so you could be with his girl? No, I... You

know, I almost... felt sorry for you, but to think that all this time you've

been kissing her. You've been kissing her, Sergio, and thinking of her.

You don't understand. Yeah, I understand, all right. I understand.

Patty, if you would just stop and listen.

There is no girl.

It was late. I was mopping and she just came in and she starts kissing all over

me.

She just starts kissing you?

Yeah. You didn't do anything to make her kiss you. Say anything.

Go on. Say it. Say what you said.

I didn't say anything.

That is the most disgusting lie I've ever heard.

You lied about the fire. You lied about the girl. You lie about everything.

Everything.

You know, I hope she's beautiful.

And a good kisser. You kiss her, she kiss you. Take care.

Just their two good legs?

Just like my Stephanie?

Making her fall in love?

No, that's not it. That's not what happened at all. Sure, it's not.

No, look, I wanted to explain it to you, but I was just afraid you wouldn't

understand. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. Don't worry, Sergio.

I was mad.

But now I realize you did me a favor.

My pyromania?

It's gone.

Want to know something even better than that? What?

I don't want to go to jail anymore.

What? Sorry.

Yeah, but...

But we had a deal together. Deal's a big deal. I said I would turn myself in.

But you never told me you were going to make somebody fall in love with you.

Would you stop saying that? I didn't make anybody fall in love with me. Look,

never saw her before and I never saw her again. She just comes into the shop.

She jumps all over me. What am I supposed to do? Excuse me. I don't know.

look like I want to be hearing this right now? No.

Listen, you. Mrs. Lizard just turned herself in for your fire.

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

This is becoming the most popular fire in history, huh?

Yes, and if you don't turn yourself in, Mrs. Linzer's going to go to jail. I

can't do it.

What do you mean you can't do it? I can't. People, Mrs. Linzer can't go to

She's a little older. Hey, I got an idea.

What? Why don't you turn yourself in? What, me?

Why not?

Because I already turned myself in. They don't believe me.

I'll be a witness for you.

Yeah. I'll tell the police that I saw you start the fire. Only one person

how the fire started, right?

Right, right, right. Well, I'll tell you and you tell them.

There's no way they won't believe you.

You know, it's the most incredible thing.

I mean, Stephanie has been totally erased from my memory.

Right now, right now, I'm trying to imagine what Stephanie looks like. And

know what?

I can't even picture her face.

I close my eyes and all I see is Hattie.

Hattie?

My Hattie?

Tomorrow after you tune yourself in, Hattie and I are going to go through the

world. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?

I may be smiling, but I'm not laughing.

But you can't be in love with Hattie. You don't even know her.

Love is not based on time, Sergio. Love is endless and instantaneous.

But you're in love with Stephanie, remember?

Uh -uh.

It wasn't love.

Past tense.

Look at us.

I'm in love with Hattie, and you're the pyromaniac.

Who'd ever thought we'd switch places?

Ciao.

Yes? I need to talk to Stephanie.

Do you have an invitation?

No.

Yes?

It's me.

Look, we gotta talk.

Yes, it is you.

How are you?

It's me.

The guy from the pastry shop.

The guy that you're in love with?

Oh, yes.

Well, I guess you better come in.

Okay, thanks.

Where are we going? Oh, you must be Daddy. I've spoken so much of you, it's

if he already knows you. Daddy, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Look at

her, my daughter. Yes, Daddy. I want to introduce you to someone.

Oh, so be it.

Well, who is he? Don't keep me in suspense.

He is the man I love.

He is the man whom I've forgotten Garrett for. What's your name?

Sergio Cucho. Turn in.

No, I'm Puerto Rican.

Oh, well.

How are your legs?

Fine. It's a love that cannot be broken, Daddy.

Far be it for me to understand the clockworks of love.

You're Puerto Rican.

Got two good legs.

Life is give and take.

Look, look, we gotta talk.

Yes, I know.

So, Sergio, where would you like to propose to me?

Propose? Did I hear propose as in marriage?

Perhaps the happiest day of my life.

Lady, I don't even know you. I came here because I need your help. Anything, my

love. Just say the word.

Stop being in love with me.

Hello, heartbreak.

Oh, don't do that. No, it's fine. I mean, I'm getting used to it by now

This man got in trouble, Steph.

Only if you call tearing my heart out trouble.

Stop. Please.

Stop. Just give me five minutes of your time. Just five minutes.

I don't get it. How could you be in love with me?

Do you remember the night we met?

Yeah, I remember. But that kiss doesn't mean you're in love with me.

It's not the kiss.

It's what you said.

It's those words, those beautiful, magical words. What if I were to tell

that Garrett came to me and told me how in love he was with you? Garrett?

Garrett Lumpkin?

Yes. Well, I'd say there's something wrong with his leg. That is the only

he could love. He's the first man in history to fall in love with his own

You want to know how much that guy loves you? He burned down my work because he

thought you were in love with me.

He was jealous?

Out of his mind.

Like a grease fire quickly extinguished? The whole building. And he even wanted

to go to jail because you're in love with me and he thought you could never

his. He said this?

He said it.

Well, I only told him about you because I didn't want him to think I was

unlovable. He is in love with me?

Definitely. And from what I know, you two are just perfect together.

Really? Really.

He thinks he's suffered. Does he know I've suffered?

Huh? I suppose he thought my love could be won so cheaply.

Cheap?

That night I kissed you, I had a feeling of power. For once, I did what I felt.

That night I felt like it, so I kissed you.

That's where you're from, a good fire makes for a love story. Well, I have

standards. And to win my love, he must at least blow something up. Please, he's

running off with my Hattie.

Be gone with you, cupcake boy.

I'm not going to leave you until you say you're not in love with me. Well, say

it. Say it. Say you're not in love with me. Just say it. Say it. Make him say

it. Make him say he's not in love with me.

And as far as you're concerned, Giuseppe. Sergio.

Whatever. As far as you're concerned, I will love you till the day I die.

Please don't be in love with me anymore. You're ruining my life.

Ladies and gentlemen, there goes Pinocchio, the man I love.

We could fly.

Flying's much faster, you know.

Look, I don't want fast.

I like to think about where I'm going.

Besides, trains don't go down. They let off the trains, okay?

Okay, okay, trains are good.

Trains are great. I like trains.

We'll work our way up. We'll get nothing but time, right?

So what do you think?

Where to?

I don't know.

I don't have a whole lot of cash.

No problem, no problem.

I've got major credit cards.

The finest hotels, the best food.

The most beautiful clothes.

First class all the way, Hattie.

And I'll be there to wait on your hand and foot.

So what do you think?

Pick a play.

Home.

Home?

When I thought of seeing the world, I always imagined the places with Sergio.

Now that he isn't here, I can't think of where I want to go.

I don't think I even want to go anymore.

I'm really sorry, Garrett.

No, no, no, no.

It's all right. It's okay.

I understand.

No good for life would be unlovable, right?

Will you let me take you home?

It's okay. I'll take a taxi.

If you go, you see the world.

Sergio, Sergio, Sergio.

I don't even know what to say.

Don't say anything.

A couple of days ago, this was a nice, quiet little neighborhood.

Now I got you in one cell and Mrs. Linzer in another.

Something has gone very, very wrong.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for a girl named Hattie.

That's me. Who are you?

My name is Stephanie Potts, but perhaps I am better known as the girl who was in

love with Sergio.

Yeah, well, it's a free country.

Please, spare me the heroics.

This is a story that's been confused long enough.

I really don't want to hear about it.

Well, I'm sure you don't, but you're going to.

It's really quite a simple one.

Listen, I'm going home now, so you'll have to leave. I don't think so.

I'm telling you to leave. For God's sakes, will you please sit down and shut

You're starting to act like me, and it's really giving me a headache.

Well, then.

As I was saying, the story really is quite a simple one.

See, I spent an evening at a party, a very boring party, watching a very

handsome young man avoid me.

Garrett is simply the most beautiful man I have ever known.

Anyway, that night I was so desperately sad, thinking about Garrett and how he

will never love anyone.

And so you go kissing some guy you never met?

I am not through.

Now shut up.

As I was saying, at times of melancholy, I walk.

I hate to walk.

And walking in high heels is punishment all the more. So I walked all the more.

I walked and I walked. Are you getting the picture? I got it, I got it. Good.

All I could do was think about how I will never find a man in this entire

with anything, one ounce of anything to offer but self -pity.

And by the time I looked up, I was in this godforsaken little neighborhood.

And it was dark.

Nothing was open.

Nothing but this little pastry shop.

I'm sorry we closed.

The door was open.

I know, I know, but the sign says closed.

The door was unlocked, so the door is not closed, literally speaking.

Yeah, but the sign, the sign says closed. What are you, king of sign

No. Listen, unless I am disturbing some cosmic balance, then please allow me to

collect myself and perhaps call a cab.

have to hum that song?

I don't know.

Patty's, it's her favorite.

Oh.

Let me guess.

The two of you are in love and it's a beautiful endearing love and that's your

song, Boo Hoo.

Not exactly.

And how's that?

Well, she doesn't know she loves me.

Let me ask you something.

Why would you be in love with someone who isn't in love with you?

I don't know.

Don't you think that's insanity?

Does a man go to the airport to pick up his brother if he has no brother?

Well then.

Please tell me why the human animal falls in love with somebody who doesn't

them, who might not ever love them, who probably won't ever love anyone.

It makes no sense. Why? Answer me, why?

I'm sorry.

I can see your brain's about to explode from overload.

Because... Because you gotta love somebody.

And if a miracle happens and they fall in love with you, well, then the sky

opens up and stars come pouring down.

But sometimes life isn't so simple. Sometimes you got to scratch and you got

fight all you got to get them.

You got to be willing to die for them. And if they don't love you and you gave

it all you got, then when you die, when it's all over, you'll never wonder.

You'll never say.

What if?

He said that?

In so many words?

Yes. About me?

About you.

Then why'd you have to fall in love with him?

Me fall in love with Sergio?

Yeah. Uh, dear one, a poor pastry boy makes for a quaint character in a story.

But out there is a gorgeous man willing to burn for me.

Let me explain something to you about the world.

I've seen it.

And if you think that once you leave, men get smarter, they don't.

Oh, which reminds me, you wouldn't happen to know where I might find

would you?

He was at the train station.

Well, Hattie, I guess the likelihood of our meeting again is rather slim, so

allow me to be a little bit more brash than my usual self.

Get off your ass and go find your Sergio.

Stephanie.

What?

What is that for? I am tired of waiting for you. And whether you know it or not,

we are in love with each other.

You're in love with me? Is there an echo in here?

Yes, I am in love with you. And it's an aching, torturous love which wrenches

the lower extremities.

Now get up before I throw you onto the tracks.

So rumor has it you started that terrible fire for me.

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Well, I don't believe in vandalism.

But I do have to admit that was a very powerful thing you did.

Well, it was a poem for you, Stephanie.

A poem written in flames. I knew it.

I knew it.

A poem devoted to the forfeiture of my freedom.

My freedom from Europe. Blah, blah, blah.

You see, Garrett, the point is when I found out it was you, I was overcome.

Nobody's ever done anything for me like that before.

You liked what I did? No, of course not.

But I love what you meant by it.

What you doing?

Nothing.

I was just, you know.

I thought you left.

No.

There's something I'd like to know.

You took the blame for the money, right?

Yeah.

What were you going to do with the money?

I was going to see the world with you.

How stupid is that?

Well, I was afraid that you were going to go away and fall in love with

So I thought going to jail wasn't that big a deal if I could be with you.

Why didn't you tell me how you felt?

Because, Hattie, you've got big goals. You know, you want to be rich. You want

to see the world. You want to know my goal?

You.

Oh, I know you think that's stupid.

No.

That's not stupid.

You've still been convincing that you set the fire.

Yeah.

Well, then I guess my travel plans are on hold for a while.

I mean...

Hey, now don't go getting all mushy on me.

So Garrett finally turned himself in.

It wasn't hard to prove he started the fire since he was the only one who knew

how it really started anyway.

Even the police, the judge, the jury, they all offered to reduce the charges

since what Garrett did, he did for love and the fact that it made him crazy.

But Garrett refused to settle for anything less than the full force of the

So they threw the book at him.

To Garrett, it was the perfect end to a beautiful story.

A love story.

Of course, Mrs. Lindsay was released from jail.

And what's more, Mr. Lindsay got his fire insurance.

And now that they had their money, they thought about retiring and taking life

easy. But then they decided the best thing, the thing that brought them the

happiness, was to start a new store.

Naturally, there would come a time when they needed a manager.

Unfortunately, I'm unavailable due to the world and my need to see it.

I was thinking, as far as the world goes, you know, I'd like to see that

and peas that leans because they say someday it's just going to fall, blam,

like that.

Well, we could skip that and we could just concentrate on things that are

standing straight.

What?

What?

You got other ideas?

Yeah.

Nerds, y 'all.