Original subtitles

I'm really at a pivotal point right now.

Start working around the base.

I want to make sure that my shelter is

protected from the elements.

Oof! Done it.

I'm just going to sit here and wait.

Every day when I wake up, I'm going to plan that day

based on my calorie needs.

Nice.

I'm hungry.

And it just sucks to know that I'm at starvation time,

where I just sit around

and I don't have anything to eat.

What do you want from me, universe?

Perhaps my purpose here is not to win.

I accept my fate.

Hello. This is Baha.

I am officially tapping out.

Being alone here felt like

connecting deeper with my family.

Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war.

They call this place the land of great thirst.

The Great Karoo Desert, South Africa.

We are in one of the most inhospitable places on Earth.

Ten participants.

Whoever can stay the longest wins.

It's pretty simple.

I found the baboons.

There's ten of them, but I only have five arrows.

This place is dry, dry, dry.

The sun's beating down on you every day.

I'm so tired. And I'm so thirsty.

Oh, man.

I really don't feel safe drinking this water.

This is a place to be, if not feared,

treated with a lot of respect.

I changed my mind!

Oh. Look at the size of that thing.

There's a big herd of wildebeest right there.

Rhino tracks.

Meat's back on the menu, boys.

They call Cape Buffalo the Black Death for a reason.

It'll just straight up kill you.

We don't control the game.

Here we go. Flooding.

This is nothing compared to what's coming.

It hurts so much, man.

It's freaking ice.

So the question is, how strong of a mind

do you need to have to win this?

Whoo!

What the did I get myself into?

A long, cold night.

The last one to tap walks out of here with 500 grand.

This is one of the hardest things

that a person can do in their life.

Oh, my gosh.

It's another great day in Africa.

We're going to rig up another line here.

Eat a piece of jerky.

Good old warthog jerky.

I don't know what I'm going to do when this is gone.

Starve, I guess. Try to catch more fish.

Nice breakfast.

I'll do the dishes.

You sit down. I'll do dishes.

I'm feeling very tired.

I can tell I'm getting weaker.

And I need to make sure that I can pull my bow back.

OK, we're going to get some water boiled today.

So I'm going to take a few days off of hunting

and not burn too much energy.

Slow and easy going, guys.

I don't know what to do, guys, for hunting.

It's hard.

A lot of people thought it was going to be easy.

"There's so much game. It's going to be so easy.

We're going to last forever."

I heard that so many times from half the contestants.

Yeah, there's game, but it's challenging.

Back home, I'm a hunting guide.

I take clients on elk hunts and white-tailed deer hunts.

And we have liftoff.

We're going to put this right into our water cache.

And then we're going to do one more to drink for the day.

I'm a great hunting guide.

I've gotten everybody tagged out

that has hunted with me so far.

I'm super happy.

I got a warthog on day two, guys.

I can say I came to South Africa

and shot a warthog with a recurve.

And I've only been shooting for eight weeks.

I think everybody was underestimating...

I think, my shooting.

There are people that have looked at me,

and they're like, you're a woman guide?

You're the one going to take me in the mountains?

It's like, yes, absolutely.

Let's go. I'll take you hunting.

I get especially excited when I get to take a woman hunter

and just let them be independent

without any guys around and know that they can do it.

That's super rewarding.

Last pot of water for the day.

I want to show that women are stronger

than they think they are.

You know, we can keep up in a man's industry.

We are strong enough mentally, physically, emotionally.

So if I were to win, I could prove that.

I can show that.

We're done with water. Yay.

Getting kind of chilly.

I think we're going to bundle up and work

on some dreamcatchers.

Just going to find some bluebush twigs.

The night before I flew out, my cousin called me.

Him and his wife had a baby named Eleanora.

And they asked if I wanted to be her godmother.

How cool is that?

And I'm going to make her a dreamcatcher.

And hopefully, that'll give her courage

to strive to do whatever she wants in life.

Hopefully, they can hang it up in her bedroom.

Let's go make some dreamcatchers.

I was talking to my aunt and uncle before I came out here,

and my aunt goes, your grandma would be proud.

My grandma passed away.

And she was,

like, the ultimate homesteading hunter-gatherer.

She hunted her own deer, bear.

Just one tough woman, so tough.

Coyote hunting well into her old age.

Never gave up.

She'd be like, you got food, water, shelter, you're fine.

That's what she would say. And I agree with her.

I have food, water, and shelter, so I'm fine.

She'd be proud that I made it here

and that I'm doing, so far, as well as can be.

Oh, I can't wait to give this to Eleanora.

Here we go. This is for my godchild.

You guys, I super hope she likes it.

And I hope that this represents that her dreams are endless,

nobody hold her back,

and she can be a strong, independent woman.

And I hope that I can inspire her.

I want to get hunting today.

But I need to eat.

So I'm just eating...

What I can.

I'm losing faith in the fishing, to be honest.

So in the absence of meat protein,

I'm trying to have enough food every day to keep going.

So I might have to go really slow today

so I don't crash my energy.

But I know that there's an expiration date

on being on a survival trip and only eating plant food.

So hopefully, something will shift.

OK.

Phew!

I'm off with my bow to see what's possible today.

So this will be interesting, my hunting strategy today.

I'm just going to see if I can evade

being seen by these amazing animals.

God, they're so cluey.

But I'm starting to be able to really see

the waterbuck on the hill.

They've always got the upper hand

because they're on the hillside.

So the focus is sit and wait and hope that I can get

an opportunity to take a shot.

Fingers crossed the strategy works.

So basically, waterbuck,

they come across the mountain from east to west.

The wind is coming along like this.

That's good.

So I'm just going to sit here in a little hidey-hole,

see what happens.

That's tough, man.

We're headed home.

Come on. Where are you guys?

There is something going on with those baboons over there.

Can you hear them?

Whoa.

There's a bunch of them. There's, like, at least 20.

It's like they're a gang ready to come beat me up.

They better stay on their side.

"West Side Story."

Whoa.

I don't have my bow.

I have bear spray. That's all I have.

Holy smokes. There's even more coming.

.

There's a crap ton.

There's probably, like, 35, 40 now.

Holy smokes. They keep coming across.

They're getting ballsy, and they need to stay away.

Hey! Hey!

Get! Get out of here!

Go!

I don't need 60 of them coming, bombarding my camp.

No thank you.

Calm down.

I just need to walk.

It's getting warm out.

Sitting in the sun on my lookout rock

puts me in a great mood.

It gives me mental clarity.

And I just feel so much better being in the open space,

rather than being cooped up at my shelter.

I wonder how everybody else is doing with the baboons.

What is that?

You guys, look.

Rhino. Right there.

So cool.

Wow.

Oh, my gosh, guys.

Look. There's two more.

It looks like a mom and a baby.

Oh, that's amazing.

You guys, it's a three rhino kind of day.

Sweet. Super sweet.

This makes me feel strong, you know?

Rhino strong.

'Cause of the rhinos.

These rhinos have me jacked up, guys.

There they go.

Bye, rhinos.

Come back again.

Head back to camp,

make sure the baboons are not messing with our stuff.

That would be devastating.

The good news, guys, I still see my stuff,

so baboons have not came and taken it.

So let's go fishing.

So I found this weird beetle.

And we're going to try to use him as a topwater bait.

I don't know.

It's a whole beetle in there. We'll find out.

Either it works or it doesn't.

I am a little disappointed in the fishing.

I can't catch anything.

It's like the fish have just stopped biting.

Emotionally, it's been a roller-coaster.

And I know I'm hard on myself.

I'm very competitive.

There we go.

I'll judge myself first over anybody.

Be a great day to be horseback riding.

Packing the little burro in the mountains.

He'd love it here.

Oh, fish are swirled right over there.

He needs to come over here.

I remember a time

I did the trainer incentive challenge.

Everybody gets a burro, wild, untouched.

You have 90 days to train it.

And then you go and compete with it.

I got a burro, Badger.

I had him doing everything in three days,

leading, crossing bridges,

loading in and out of trailers,

where everybody else could barely get a halter on them.

Fish just swirled right there.

Come over here.

Why aren't you guys swirling here?

We get to competition day one, and I bombed.

Badger laid down. He reared up.

He refused to get in the trailer.

He refused to do anything.

He was just having an off day.

And I'm like, there's no winning it now.

I thought something would nail this bug sooner.

Well, we came back.

And then we blew it out of the water.

We won grand champion, me and that burro.

And I have adopted him, and he's the best.

I'm shocked that nothing's wanting to come bite this.

But you got to stay strong, stay positive.

And so the lesson is to think about what's in front of me

and not what's behind me.

All right. Well, I think we're done.

You tried, little bug.

I'm not giving up.

We'll get there.

Remember, rhino strong.

You got this.

Oh, gosh. Baboon tracks.

.

Those bloody baboons.

When I was out hunting, they were cruising through.

And my lovely wallaby hat has gone.

Taking things like that, you get cranky with them.

Little buggers.

All right. I need to go forage.

So I'm just going to shut my shelter up,

make sure that doesn't happen again.

Down this comes.

Here we go.

Locked safe.

Away from those maniac baboons.

Where would they have taken my hat?

Back to their lair?

God.

Anyway, that's as locked up as it gets right now.

Alrighty.

Heading out.

Out here, the calories in, calories out

is a very real factor.

So even if I'm not eating protein,

I want to eat every day.

And so plants are really critical for me.

Look, I've got lots of foraged greens.

Wormwood, cabbage, and mint.

And this is also where the grass seeds were.

I can process a little bit of grains.

Plant food, particularly wild plants,

have a very, very high nutritional content,

much higher than, say,

a lettuce that you buy from the shops.

And it just feels good.

I've got enough for tonight, but I'll have a look

and see if there's anything else around here.

This is a very, very arid environment

and there's not a lot of plant food.

But one of the things I like to look for in environments

is all the spaces in between, things that most people miss.

Very weird.

Good, they're in the clay.

So I'm using its potential as much as I can.

Come on. Out you get. God.

There we go.

Bizarre that they're growing right there.

But I won't reject it.

Oh. I'm going to make a dinner.

Back we go.

This looks yummy.

This could be a rocking, rocking veggie thing.

I think when we're talking about hunger

and the potential for starvation on the show,

we're really talking about food security.

I'm fascinated to see what these little seeds taste like.

And I've dealt with the psychology

of poor food security quite a few times,

particularly in Arnhem Land,

where Indigenous people just don't anymore have access

to enough traditional bush foods because

their environment's been destroyed by feral animals.

And their health is suffering

because they're eating Western food.

Mmm. Yum.

Like roasted sesame seeds or something.

It's a threat to your whole nervous system

and your sense of safety on country

when you don't have enough food.

And then probably the best thing to do with it is

put water in it,

soak overnight, and eat in the morning

like a mealy porridge.

And ultimately, I feel like the real edge on this show

is about understanding how to feed yourself consistently.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, it's early.

I've been out fishing for a couple hours already.

And I had success.

First off,

there's this guy.

It's a lot of meat.

That is super exciting for a hungry person.

Love it.

Look at this.

I caught that on a small catfish.

Still on the hook right there.

Two for one, a little catfish

ate that scorpion, got on the hook,

big catfish came to eat the little catfish

and luckily also got on the hook.

With that, I've got quite a bit of meat.

Seems like the fishing here is on again, off again.

But I feel like the momentum's back.

I've been successful really early in the mornings

and then at night, so I feel like I'm unlocking the code

to catching these fish.

This fish is dead. That's just the nerves.

And I thought I couldn't use catfish meat

to fish for other catfish.

But apparently, I can.

I'm going to go get this one in the pot

and then come back and finish up.

Catching these fish really makes me feel

optimistic about moving forward with my shelter.

And hopefully, I can keep the momentum

and continue to bring in those catfish.

The game plan right now is to go eat.

Let's see how this fish is coming along.

When you're not getting food

and you're concerned about getting food,

that weighs on you pretty significantly.

Full pot of catfish.

That's a beautiful sight.

And then when you do get food, it feels so good.

And you feel so confident that you're going to be able

to make this and it's going to work.

Mmm. Time to eat.

This is a pattern that our ancestors lived through

on a regular basis,

the feast and famine mode of living.

And it's not just physical.

It's also mental.

And I can really see that.

I can't describe how delicious it is.

While I'm out here,

I think about the writings of the Stoics all the time,

which was taught to me really clearly by my mother.

I need to slow down a little bit.

That was hot.

Specifically the concept that when we face a challenge,

rather than focusing on how terrible that might be,

recognising within that obstacle is a pathway forward.

That obstacle becomes the path.

The easiest example to point to is the catfish.

They were breaking my lines, stealing my hooks.

It was a big obstacle.

But it also became the way.

Those big fish are my main food source.

I'm full.

I got lunch in there still.

In the moment, it doesn't always seem that way.

But when you look back, you realise

that those obstacles in your life

brought about important things for you

and often led to solutions

that had much better outcomes than if that obstacle

wasn't there in the first place.

You guys, if you're having a bad hair day,

I don't want to hear about it.

Seriously, stop complaining about your hair,

because look at this mess.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. I know it's a mess.

Thank you for letting me know. Geese.

The geese think they're so funny.

All right, now I'm going to put it back in a ponytail.

OK.

Hair's done for the day.

Let's get ready. We're going hunting.

We have to get a warthog, guys.

Wish us luck.

Fishing is not working.

I'm not catching anything.

So today, I'm going hunting.

It is super important to hunt as many days

as I can before there's the day

where I can't pull my bow back.

I'm giving it my all.

I'm finding the grit inside and pushing.

The sun feels good.

People don't look at women the same way they look at men.

And I want to break down barriers for female hunters

and female guides.

I do like I can inspire more women by being here.

No freaking way.

I see a warthog way the eff down there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, [bleep].

Oh, shoot.

I'm going to lose them for a little bit.

.

I shot low.

He ran off.

I missed my shot.

I can't draw my bow back

all the way to my anchor point.

My arrow.

This might be our last day hunting.

It's not really ethical to keep hunting

if I can't pull it back.

Oh, man.

I can't pull it back all the way.

I get to about, like, here,

and I need, like, another inch or two.

It's devastating.

I'm trying not to break down, but I'm gonna.

Because there's just no way around it.

No sense in holding it in. It just makes things worse.

I am here to push my limits.

I'm not here to just give up when it gets hard.

I'm going to push.

So I know that I gave it everything I had.

And there's nothing left to give.

I ask myself, do you have food?

Do you water? Do you have shelter?

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Then you're fine. Get over it.

Whoo!

Finished.

I'm going to go hunting.

I think those grass seeds

really had a bit of extra oomph in them

because I don't feel quite so taxed today.

Oh, God.

.

It would have been, like, a 50-yard shot.

There's no way I could have made it.

But I think I missed a great opportunity to get--

to get a piggy.

But it's a great encouragement.

It feels like it's possible after today.

I just need to trust it's all going to be OK.

That this whole thing is like a life parallel.

This adventure in South Africa, at its core,

there's a sense of a spiritual quest.

I mean, I did a lot of vision quests in my life.

Head back to the shelter.

And I've learned that transformation

often involves loss,

losing part of yourself in order to grow.

And those lessons really helped me when I gave birth.

That experience really taught me

that women are just heroes.

Plant food soup again tonight.

I mean, what we endure in childbirth is quite something.

It does literally feel at one point

like you will die.

We've got these little sedge--

little sedge plant today.

And then you pick them apart,

you kind of just get this little--

it's not much.

It's just, like, a little white bit.

But I realised what died in me was my young woman.

And that death was critical

so that I could become a mother.

And even though I've struggled here,

the energy of the quest

keeps me on track with my purpose.

Ooh, yeah.

Survival stew.

And while I'm experiencing the loss

of a long 20-year relationship,

I'm initiating a new phase of independence as a woman.

And so I know to trust in the challenges, the grief,

the pain as unlocking your power.

That's been one of the most profound threads

in all of this journey.

It's crazy.

I don't have enough food, but I'm all right.

I'm eating a big breakfast today.

I only have one meal left after this one,

and I'll be out of fish again.

Oh, that was a good breakfast.

I'm full.

I'll go get started on the rock shelter.

I've got two fishing lines out this morning already.

I can keep an eye on both of them

while I'm working on the shelter.

For now, I'm going to stick around camp.

I don't think I'm going to hunt for a while now,

just focus on catching more fish,

getting it out to dry,

and getting this shelter built.

I do want to be able to stand up in the shelter,

so I'm going to go on up a little higher.

But I'm going to switch to a different kind of stone.

There is another source of stone.

It's a metamorphic rock.

It looks like it's slate that's been under

a lot of heat and pressure.

It's further away, but it's flatter,

more sheer surfaces,

which make it a little easier to stack.

Today, I'm going to work on finishing the stone work.

See if I can get that done.

I admit, just from a calorie perspective,

this shelter is overkill for this game.

But it's something I want to do.

Certainly, getting food is the priority.

But I think I can do this

without threatening my length of stay.

This season might go really long.

And so to spend energy to make this shelter

I think will pay off over time.

I'm going to sleep really comfortable and warm,

so I won't burn calories as much.

If I can continue to catch fish,

I don't see any reason

why I can't stay here indefinitely.

.

.

.

.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Damn it.

One weak spot, that's all it took.

Not good.

I know exactly where that weak spot was too.

And I was ignoring it.

Paid the price. I should have--

I should have gone back, back when I saw it starting.

When I built that section of that corner,

I used stone that I shouldn't have.

Little footage of the devastation from this side.

Missing that corner, it's in a very fragile state.

And more of this wall can easily collapse.

I feel like I can't recover from this.

It's lost its integrity.

It's over and done.

I need to reassess.

And in the calorie game, is it worth it at this point?

Burning a lot of calories. Can't keep that up.

I need to get fish again.

So I'm going to go check on my fishing poles.

If you're not getting enough calories,

that affects not just your energy level,

but it affects your mental health

and your mental game.

If you're not taking care of that calorie need,

a lot of other issues are going to come up.

So I just checked my fishing lines,

and I've got snags.

Two snagged hooks.

I can't afford to lose those, so I'm going to dive for them.

I've learned through experience

that the things I value the most,

the times I've had the most growth,

are usually connected to some form of struggle.

One of the greatest gifts that our parents gave to us

was the opportunity to do difficult things.

To not rescue us from them.

Got it.

Difficult times were seen as an opportunity for growth

rather than as a negative thing.

OK. Time to get hook number two.

Going on a 50-mile hike with the Boy Scouts

and having blisters on my feet, feeling the pain,

but then arriving at our final destination

and having accomplished that was deeply satisfying.

I don't think you can be truly happy

and feel the depth of happiness

unless you've also suffered.

Those two things, they coexist.

Ugh.

Dang it.

Lost one of the hooks.

And certainly, it's been a struggle for me.

I have deep admiration for everybody

who's ever been on the "Alone" show.

I think they're courageous.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage

to go and do this.

To put yourself out there in the public eye.

To go through an experience where you're going

to burn yourself down, you know, psychologically

and physically, and let the whole world

see you go through that process,

that takes a lot of courage.

And there's a high risk of failure with that.

But struggle is important.

And success is possible.

Sometimes it just takes time, but you persist, keep trying.

So that's what I'm going to do, just keep trying.