Original subtitles

I've been involved with a man who has a wife.

Probably was never her baby anyway.

Who's Sean?

The one that ended the four-year dry spell.

I'm with my daughter.

Have a good night.

This is feckin' gas.

Hi, everybody, it's Samara here.

I am in the countryside this week and, as you can see,

we're having great fun playing a really difficult game -

paintball!

Seriously?

Woohoo!

I am here, I am peace, I am calm. Fuck her.

How good was that? Waste of time and money.

I'd rather have a pay rise. I loved it.

I might take it up as a full-time hobby, if you can do that.

OK, can I have everyone's attention there? Thank you.

Look, as well as having a great time out there,

hopefully we learned the value of working as a team

and how our decisions and choices can affect others.

Excuse me!

I just want to say, I absolutely loved that.

I mean, it was the best fun I've had since I was small.

OK. And you were on whose team again?

Mine.

You know, just being lost in the moment.

I mean, it was great! Thank you.

OK, that leads us nicely onto the next part of the day -

giving and receiving constructive feedback in the workplace.

Now, Samara, you're going to be critiquing...

Oh! Um...

Be brave.

Oh, Katie.

Over to you.

Hi, everybody.

So I haven't been part of the team that long,

but Katie is a very talented photographer.

But...

..she can seem hard to approach, but she's really smart.

OK, thank you.

Katie, do you want to feedback on that feedback?

Yep, that's me. 100% accurate.

Anything else?

No.

OK, excellent.

Well, this is working really well.

OK, Kieran...

You will be critiquing...

Laura.

Laura is a very hard worker.

She cares deeply about stories, but...

WHISPERS: He's going to say I care too much.

She doesn't respond very well to criticism.

But, you know...

..hard worker.

OK, thank you.

Laura, do you want to feedback on that feedback?

It's fine, that's fine.

I mean, if that's what he thinks, it's fine.

Now, usually, we get the most out of these exercises

if we are just completely honest.

I am being completely honest.

Can we just move on?

OK, OK, fine!

You think I don't respond well to criticism?

Well, you're wrong.

I do.

I actually love criticism,

when it's positive and constructive

and meaningful.

Do you respond well to criticism?

Will we give it a try, huh?

See how well that goes?

Wow.

BOTH: Hi!

All right? Yeah.

Do you...know each other? Yes. Yeah.

We were together.

Seana, Alison. Alison, Seana.

Sinead.

Shit. What a dick. Sorry. It's fine.

You can call me whatever you want, Martin.

How are you?

Yeah, good.

What are you guys here for?

Just a preliminary check - fertility MOT, I think it's called.

A bit premature if you ask me but, Ali... We...

I was joking, Martin.

I didn't think you were here for a new lawnmower.

Martin Dempsey?

If you can get us a nice big sample.

There's some bits and pieces to help.

So, how long were you two,

you know...

..with each other?

We went to Crete in July...

Crete!

..split up in August. So a couple of months.

Wow.

It was good. Umm...

Good.

So, umm, any intel?

What?

Any morning-after-pill situations,

if you weren't being careful, that is?

Sorry.

It's probably a bit inappropriate.

Jesus, Martin! That was a bit quick.

I forgot my reading glasses.

"Don't respond well to criticism" - yes, I fucking well do!

I can take the criticism.

I just can't stand the twat it's coming from.

I'm quitting this shit job.

Going to do something meaningful with my life,

work with the disenfranchised.

Or the lepers.

Now, now, now. They have standards.

I'm not slaving away for this paper 24/7 any more.

Those days are done.

And to show them I mean business, I'm going to pull a sickie.

Yeah, that'll show the bastards.

Who's that? Champagne John?

How's it going with him?

Ah, give me some good news, please!

I need to believe there's some good men in the world.

He thinks he's this smooth operator. I think he's a dick.

He turned up at my door the other night uninvited, can you believe it?

What?!

Give him my address, will you? That's romantic.

I've got enough on my plate with my exhibition tomorrow

and the sponsors are being a complete nightmare,

threatening to pull out.

Which means no free drink, which means - let's be honest,

that's the only reason anyone turns up to these things.

They let you down.

I'll get out my gin cocktail kit, be the waitress.

It'll be a couple of days for your results, Alison,

but we have the semen analysis.

There are three components - count, motility and morphology.

The first two are fine.

But morphology was 2%, which is below normal.

Sorry...

Did you just say 2%?

As in one, two?

2%, as in 98% are abnormal or deformed?

Yes. Is 2% bad, doctor?

4% is considered normal, so it's not the end of the world.

Do you hear that, honey?

Sorry, what?

All I can hear is 2%.

And who gets 2%? In anything?

Even in Latin, which I was really bad at, I got 15%.

Various lifestyle modifications have been shown to improve results.

There's more information here.

It's a lot to take on. How are you feeling?

I mean, a bit grim, to be honest.

Kieran? Hi.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to manage to get into work today.

I think I've got that virus which is doing the rounds.

This hasn't got anything to do with the awayday, does it?

No, of course not. I'm not that childish.

I've actually forgotten all about that.

Well, then, take it easy.

Yeah, thanks. I will. You too.

Oh, by the way, Claire's been on my case again

about this bloody therapy piece.

Where are you with it?

Ah... It's nearly done.

I mean, I'll see if I can fight through this. Excellent.

I'll tell her it's on its way.

All right, bye-bye. SHE COUGHS

Thanks for the four-minute warning.

Your wine tastes like piss, anyway.

Ah, you must be kidding. This isn't a coincidence, is it?

No, I don't have the patience for those. I wanted to see you.

Look, when I turned up the other night,

I thought it was a nice gesture,

but I realise you saw it differently, so if you are offended,

that wasn't my intention.

I wasn't offended. But I told you I would call you.

You just ignored that. It was a bit much.

Well, can we finish dinner sometime?

We didn't get to dessert.

It was a really nice evening, but I'm not sure,

and I'm not looking for anything else,

plus I'm super super-stressed at the moment. I have to go.

The phone call?

It's my exhibition tonight.

The sponsors have generously pulled out at the last minute,

so catering looks like it's boxed wine and oven chips.

I could speak to a few people.

No, it's fine. You don't have to.

It honestly wouldn't be a problem.

Why don't you just let me help?

A favour for a friend.

Of course I can take criticism.

Kieran, he doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.

In front of everyone, as well!

I mean, what I could tell them about him, do you know what I mean?

I've taken criticism in here, haven't I?

Do you think I handle it well? I think I do.

But just be honest, if you disagree. I can take it.

Well, it's not really my job to tell you

if I think you can handle criticism or not.

It's my job to listen to what's going on underneath all this.

Oh, yeah, and Samara, she was loving it.

Have I mentioned...?

Yeah, you've mentio... Yeah, a couple times.

Do you know what? Let's just leave this.

Move on.

I won't give her the satisfaction of talking about her in therapy.

Or him.

Do you think that it's what was said or who was saying it

that's causing such a strong reaction?

I hate when you do that question with a question thing.

OK, right, is Kieran the man, the married man,

that that you were involved with for the one night?

LAURA SIGHS

What a mess.

What a fucking mess!

Yeah, it is.

And of course it wasn't once. It was a lot more.

And I thought I was fine about it until Samara.

Do you want to tell me how you feel about it all?

Embarrassed, ashamed, stupid.

I knew it was wrong, but a bit of me loved him.

It!

It, I mean - not him.

A double life, the intensity, recklessness.

Maybe we should explore the reasons you got into that situation.

Yeah! Maybe we should.

I thought I was a good person, a nice person.

I was raised to be a good girl.

To follow the rules and treat other people well,

and then I did this and I'm like,

"OK, I'm not the person I thought I was."

So who the fuck am I?

This is the Prosecco garden.

Flowers, flowers, flowers.

And, finally, the steps.

Hugely popular for photos.

Elderly people are better at the bottom and young people at the top,

and maybe a father-in-law down the side there.

How come the other couple cancelled?

I'm not at liberty to say.

But I can tell you, is that it had nothing to do

with the service we provide, which is one of the most

sought-after wedding experiences in the country.

Ah, I don't know if we can book without knowing the truth.

Come on, Al, just make something up in your head,

like one of them died in their sleep or during intercourse or something.

As I was saying, because it's a cancellation,

and we have lots of other very nice normal couples interested,

we'll have to move quickly.

You'll have to go with the standard Platinum package.

There is room for some leeway on the menu,

but we will need the deposit today.

No problem.

My ma's already transferred the money. We can just use that.

Don't discuss...

Just... You know... The food menu options.

You weren't worried about the menu options last week.

Yeah, well, I am now.

We need to move, my ma's sent out the save-the-dates. What?!

You know what she's like. Can we not discuss..?

Can we not pull the trigger? What if there's no chicken, Martin?

Sorry, I mean can we have 24 hours...?

Tomorrow morning. Latest!

Fine. OK, come on.

Yeah, I'm coming! She's well pissed-off.

HEADPHONES: OK, I'm not the person I thought I was.

So, who the fuck am I?

Why aren't you at work?

I pulled a sickie.

Don't worry, it's not contagious.

Hi, my little baby boy! Give your auntie...

BABY CRIES

Jesus, you look rough.

We're co-sleeping, but Joseph takes up most of the bed.

My side of the bed.

Even though I've been doing 12-hours days lately

so, he and he sleep like a dream, but I don't.

I didn't sleep great myself, Jen.

Every time I looked at you you were asleep, Patrick.

Do you want me to take him for a bit?

You could have a bit of me time, us time, power nap, whatever.

He's actually a bit funny at the moment.

He's got this sort of separation anxiety thing

when he's not attached to me, doesn't he? No.

She can take him. I've had two hours' sleep, Patrick,

and I haven't had a full day off in weeks.

I'll take him for a couple of hours, just to the park. Come on.

Look, you won't... What? Drop him down a drain?

No, Patrick. I love the child more than life itself.

I'm also a grown woman.

God's sake.

God! Do you have his lead?

What's that? Who's my lovely, clever, funny boy?

We're going to spend more time together

because you're the only person who understands me, aren't you?

How old's your boy? Huh?

Oh, no, he's not...

Umm, 14 months. He's cute, isn't he?

Aww, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Do you want to go play on the train? Look, he's trying to hit me!

Nice to meet you.

People are so nice, friendly and uncritical around here, aren't they?

What's this craic, huh?

PHONE RINGS

Hey, Claire!

Hi. It's about your piece.

It's very good.

It's the sort of thing our readers love.

Oh, wow!

Oh, fantastic, thank you.

Could you pop in this afternoon?

I want to talk to you about something.

Oh, and you sound much better.

Around four will be great.

Um, OK, yeah.

OK, thanks!

Hey! My very happy editor!

Ha! I mean, I'm a journalist, you know?

Dublin Standard?

As well as, you know, being a full-time mam to little Jose...

Where is he? Joseph?

Joseph?

Where'd he go? King Joe?

Joe! Have you seen a little boy? Little Joseph?

Oh, Joe! Joseph!

King Joe!

King Joe! Oh, sweet Jesus!

Oh, my God!

I... I lost Joseph.

I took my eyes off him for three seconds, he was there.

It's OK. He'll be here. We'll find him.

I'll just look over this way. You look over there, OK? OK.

Don't worry. Joseph? Joseph?

Joseph? Did you see Joseph? Little Joseph? King Jose...?

Joseph!

What are you doing?

Oh, my God, Joseph.

What are you doing hiding under here?

Oh, my God! Good little boy!

Whatever you do, just don't tell your daddy.

That was the worst, longest...well it felt three hours of my life.

Were you playing hide and seek, eh?

Trying to give your Auntie Laura a myocardial infarction?

It's James.

Yeah, I know.

The show-off paediatrician,

but you lost your mojo there a bit, zooming off in the wrong direction.

I'm between shifts.

Do you come here on your days off on the off-chance

of an accident, or an emergency or...

..an incompetent auntie?

Yeah, selling drugs mostly.

Plus, I was at Jen and Patrick's and Patrick was

very, very insistent - "Please, please, look after Laura.

"Make sure she hasn't mislaid my first-born."

He would think that. Prick.

No, I was joking.

He said you're here, so I thought I'd come say hello.

Well, hello! But I have to go.

Oh, right. OK.

No, I really do.

I'd love to stay and chat about, you know,

you're better at kids than me, and my brother being a dick,

but I have to go back to the office.

Well, nice to see you, briefly.

I mean, are you free tonight?

No plans.

Do you remember my friend Katie?

She's having this exhibition launch tonight at the Riverside Gallery.

You could come, if you're free.

Yeah, I'd love to. Cool.

Do you want to just... Here, put your number in my phone.

Hey, don't be gawking at my messages!

I'm more of an online stalker.

Here, actually, you wouldn't mind taking him home, would you?

I wouldn't mind, but Patrick... No, you're right.

He'd hold it against me for the rest of my life.

Go on, then, see you soon!

Your favourite auntie in the world will take you home.

So, as we suspected, Martin's 2% normal, 98% deformed.

I was going to say it could be worse, but sorry...

They're so much they can do.

I know.

I think he just jizzed away all the good stuff, all over Dublin.

So, what now for you guys? I don't know.

I have until tomorrow morning to decide if I want to say "I do",

you know, to the venue and all that goes with it.

Even if there is no baby.

Is there a Katie Wilkinson?

They are for you.

Thank you.

And the boxes? By the bar.

Urgh! What's so awful about getting flowers and free drink?

It's who they're from!

"Your nontoxic knight in shining armour,"

otherwise known as Champagne Sean.

Oh, wow!

He's keen!

No, he did me a big favour,

you know, arranging a new sponsor at the last minute.

I really appreciate it, but just watch him milk it!

Thank you.

Oh, there's 12 more cases.

OK, Laura, let's cut to the chase.

I know this is you, that there is no Orla.

It's a great piece,

but it's be even better if you put your name on it.

I can't, no. I'm sorry.

It'd be like taking all my clothes off.

There'll be plenty of readers who can relate to this.

This could really boost your profile, make your name.

Has anyone else read it? Not yet, just me.

The plan would be to run this piece first,

then a weekly weekend column.

Promotion, advertising...

We'd bump Samara's to Mondays to make space for this.

No, I can't. I'm sorry.

Who are you afraid of?

Everyone!

My family, for starters.

I mean, they don't know any of this.

They think I'm happy and successful and...normal.

Plus, everyone out there.

I mean, the flak and disapproval. I couldn't cope.

You might surprise yourself.

Most of all, the guy.

Well, you haven't named him.

Plus, he's a man. He'll be fine.

Yeah, but if I put my name to it, he'll never talk to me again.

Would that be such a bad thing?

Just look at him!

He thinks he owns the place.

Well, I'm very much enjoying his contribution to the evening.

Don't get too pissed before the paediatrician arrives.

Shouldn't we lay off the booze just to increase our chances?

Dr Colin said...

It's not gonna give me pickled eggs.

I need to have a few drinks, just for Katie.

I'm toasting her success.

OK.

I'll stick to this, just in case.

We need to make a call on the venue.

Have you made a decision yet?

I did.

I decided to put it off until tomorrow.

Now, get yourself a fucking prosecco.

I really like this. Just me, Ella, my work, you guys.

It might be weird and against the norm, but it works for me.

I don't want or need anything else in my life.

Especially not that.

I've had an epiphany.

Where's Martin?

How are you feeling?

Moved.

Oh, I meant about...

I meant about your day off.

Your sickness thing?

Oh, yeah, that got better. Oh.

I made a full and speedy recovery.

Glad to hear it.

Did you get that piece to Claire?

Oh, yeah.

Good.

PHONE RINGS

It's James, my date.

He's a paediatrician. He should be here, actually.

He's probably looking for directions. Hang on.

Hey, James? Are you lost?

How's the paediatric business going?

Laura, I'm really sorry,

I got called into work - an emergency.

Oh...

Great, yeah. Yeah, no problem.

I'm sure these things happen a lot...with you.

Can we rearrange? Yeah, yeah. Sure, whatever.

OK, bye, Laura.

Yeah, a... A paediatric emergency.

Lame excuse.

I'm never asking out anyone else ever again.

Come here.

Stop looking at me like that.

God, you know, there's so many... Katie? Your champagne...

Oh, no, thanks very much. No, it's really good.

OK.

No, it was really interesting because I actually started...

I don't wanna book the venue.

You're messin'.

No, I'm not.

I just don't like being pushed for a sale.

Well, what's wrong with it?

It's got the view, the space, the tradition.

I don't want a ticking clock put on me, Martin.

I'm not a fucking poached egg.

But where else?

We've got such short notice. How can we hit that date?

Yeah, well, the rush was when we thought there was a baby.

I mean, what if there's never a baby?

I'd still want to marry you.

Same for you, yeah?

GLASS CLINKS

Hello. I just wanted to say a few words.

You know, in this day and age, when everyone with a smartphone

thinks they are a photographer, Katie shows us the difference

between taking a photograph and making a photograph.

I'm sure you, like me, are blown away by her work here today.

Her passion for her subjects, her composition, her style,

her form.

Move over, Sebastiao Salgado.

Katie Wilkinson! APPLAUSE

Katie, get your arse up here.

Thanks for that, thanks.

Erm, hopefully, the pictures speak for themselves. Come on.

There's a story behind them all.

A variation on the same thing. Toxic masculinity is killing us.

Here, here!

It's what happens when boys have the vulnerability and empathy

and tenderness shamed out of them.

Absolutely.

And it is wonderful to be able to share this evening

with my daughter, who I know is pushing for a few sales.

That's Ella.

That's it! Thanks.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That was amazing.

Thanks for arranging this. I really appreciate it.

But that's it.

What do you mean, "that's it"?

I mean, that's it.

I appreciate the favour as a friend, but I'm not looking for anything

else right now, so I'll see you around.

How are you? So glad you came.

Kieran, I think I might... That's it! What? What?

I miss when we were friends. What?

When we hung out, and talked about journalism and...

Uhhh...

I think my feelings are...

I'm gonna come! What? I'm gonna come!

Aaah!

God! Ahhh...

OK, I've got to shoot.

Huh? Early start.

Oh.. Oh, is it tomorrow? Yeah.

Barcelona?

Yeah, I've got to be at the airport at 5am.

Hey...

Did you hear what I was saying? What I was trying to say there?

Yeah, of course I did. I miss it too.

I miss talking about journalism too, but I've got to go, OK?

Claire, hi. It's Laura.

Um, I'll put my name in the article, own my story.

Yeah...

I think it might be the only way to get myself

out of this fucked-up situation.

# My analyst told me that I was right out of my head

# The way he described it, he said I'd be better dead than live

# I didn't listen to his jive

# I knew all along he was all wrong

# And I knew that he thought I was crazy, but I'm not

# Oh, no! #

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0