Original subtitles

I'm thinking of writing about therapy. That's a really bad idea.

I'll be fine. I know what I'm doing.

Oh, thank Jesus. I have to tell someone.

I'm pregnant.

I do not have a man-shaped hole in my life.

Do you ever drink any of that champagne you dole out?

With the right company.

Don't have sex with Kieran.

Mwah! You remember Laura? Oh, of course, yeah. Hi, Laura.

Ow!

CHANTING: Save the bees!

LAURA: A small gathering of seven protesters.

BUZZING Bug off.

Fucking little bastards.

Sorry. I just... (I actually hate bees.)

I got stung when I was five, under the arm. I never got over it.

You're sure it wasn't a wasp?

I think it was, actually.

Same thing.

You don't have to walk me to work every day.

It's barely there. A smudge. But don't you feel different? My father sense is tingling.

Don't forget to pick up a present for your mum. I was thinking.

If we tell them our news, it would be the best birthday present ever.

Are you kidding me? No.

We can't tell anyone. It's too early. Especially your mum. It's bad luck.

We could tell them, and then, when they're on cloud nine, we can ask them to help pay for the wedding.

That's a bit mercenary. I don't want to use a foetus to squeeze money out of your folks.

It's a dream come true for them, us giving them a grandchild.

It's like having their pin code. No way. We're not asking them to pay for any part of the wedding.

Your mum would just take over.

She'd want to invite a busload of your mad cousins up from Dungarvan, for starters. Well, minibus.

Anyway, I want all the mad cousins there. I thought you did too.

You want a big wedding. We can't afford it on our own. Biggish - that we can afford on our own.

Two minutes. What's "biggish"?

Just that. Big-ish.

What's the difference?

Biggish is a day we can still call our own but not get lost in a fucking Where's Wally? picture.

All right, but biggish is still more than we can afford, so just think about it.

Maybe. I need to go. Bye, little smudge.

See how many bee puns you can get into your copy.

A hive of activity. Give bees a chance.

Bee-lieve in yourself.

I need to go get some supplies.

For Ella. We're making a Worry Monster.

What's a Worry Monster? What it says on the tin. A monster that eats your worries.

Can you make ME one? You'd die from overfeeding. I'd pace myself.

Laura?

It's me. It's Daniel.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! I didn't recognise you!

Your hair, it's all short and... Yeah.

SHE CHUCKLES The suit and... Yeah.

Wow! You look grown-up.

You look...exactly the same.

What? No way. Yes, yes.

Is that a compliment or an insult? HE CHUCKLES

I see you're at the Dublin Standard.

It's great your dream worked out. I'm... I'm really proud of you.

Thank you!

That means a lot.

At least someone's noticed what I'm doing. Yeah.

It's really good to bump into you. I've been thinking about getting in touch recently.

Is the band getting back together? I could do a piece for the paper. No, it's not that.

Erm...no. I wonder if you fancy... catching up sometime.

Yeah, sure. Yeah? Yeah.

What about tonight, after work? Are you doing anything?

I am now! OK, great.

Erm... Conlan's? Oh, perfect! Their nachos are so good. Right.

So, six OK? Perfect.

I mean, unless World War III starts and I have to cover it from an Irish angle.

SHE STARTS TO LAUGH Yeah, no, I shouldn't joke about that, with the world being so...

I mean, we're all fucked.

But...yeah, great.

I'll see you later, then.

Cool. Right, lads, come on.

See you later. Love you.

Laura! Laura.

How is the piece with your friend's therapy thing coming along?

Oh, yeah. Erm... It's nearly written. Oh.

It's not started.

But when it is, I think it'll pour out of her really quickly.

Claire's really looking forward to seeing it, so...

Oh, I love Barcelona! Yeah.

The Gothic Quarter, canalone, calamari,

those long onion things... Yeah, all the foods. All of 'em.

Are you going? Mm-hm. Long weekend.

Ah! Nice one.

You're not taking Samara? Of course I'm not taking Samara. Yeah, sorry. I know.

I'm taking my wife. I know. Of course.

It's good that you're aware.

Making better choices, being better people.

Learning from our mistakes. Right.

I'm moving on myself too.

With an ex.

First love, actually. Yeah.

We're going on a date, tonight.

He's got a briefcase now. Is that a good thing? Bad thing?

I'd say that's a bad thing. I know. I kind of thought that too.

I dunno. Maybe I need a grown-up in my life. What do you think?

Sorry, Laura. If I don't book this, it's gonna time out. Do you mind? Oh. Yeah. Sorry.

I'm actually going on a date tonight with my first love.

He was a singer in a band. He used to write songs about me.

I bet this is the first time you've had someone in here who can say that.

I could sing you one of their songs if you like, just so you can get a feel for the lyrics.

Just checking you hadn't fallen asleep there.

How do you think I'm doing in here, by the way?

I'd love a bit of feedback on my... not performance as such but... how do you think I'm doing?

How do YOU think you're doing? I think I'm doing really well.

Well, there's... I'm not sure about mentioning it

because I'd have to tell you something about me that I was hoping not to.

'Cause it's all over now, and 'cause I don't even think it's that relevant anyway.

OK. Would you like to say more about...

..what it is you're trying to say?

LAURA SIGHS OK.

Don't judge me but...

..I've been involved in a situation.

Not drugs or trafficking or anything like that.

Although it's probably worse as far as the Catholic Church is concerned,

and everyone else - apart from maybe the French.

Do you want to tell me what it is, Laura, instead of...

I've been involved with a man who has a wife.

Do you want to tell me a bit more about that relationship, how long it went on?

No, it was just one time.

One drunken time.

Mistake. Oh. It's just you said you were involved, so it made it sound like it was more...

Oh. No, no. God, no. Nothing like that.

Anyway, I saw his wife this morning for the first time.

I often wondered what she looked like.

She's not all that, actually. She's a bit mumsy.

But I've always preferred to pretend that she didn't exist, and I can't do that now.

She's imprinted in my brain. I can't get rid of her.

It's driving me a bit...

It's making me think about doing something a bit...crazy.

What kind of crazy are we talking about here?

I have this urge to tell her - the truth about her husband.

And maybe she deserves to know.

What do you think? Do you think it's a good idea?

You're really into truth and honesty and all that.

Yeah, I'm very into truth and honesty with yourself.

In this situation, it would be more helpful for you - for us -

to explore why you want to tell her, what you think that would achieve.

It would be better to talk through some of THOSE feelings instead of dumping them all on someone else.

Maybe you're right. You're good at this.

In fact, I was thinking,

could be quite interesting to maybe interview you

and maybe some of your clients, patients, whatever you call them.

Could maybe even write about my own experience in here.

I think the readers would find it really interesting, and you might get some new clients.

That would be highly inappropriate, Laura.

Thank God Daniel swept in at just the right time.

It's almost like he knew.

You haven't told Laura yet about the baby?

She hasn't been happy-drunk enough to break it.

You'll never guess who I bumped into after the protest.

Slender Man? Daniel Thomas!

What, the rock god? What's going on with him?

Is he still trying to get his talent spotted? What he's up to is asking me out.

Is this THE Daniel Thomas?

First love. Love of my life.

My reason for being for eight years, eight amazing... Wasted years.

You were buried alive by that band.

Come on! It was first love. It was intense.

Yeah. I met the aftermath. Do you really want to go there again? I wouldn't go near him.

Jesus! Are you two allergic to good news or something?

Going back seems to be working out pretty well for you.

If this moves at the same rate, we could be looking at a double wedding later this year.

Joking! Although you never know.

I wish I'd started seeing Dr F 10 years ago.

I'd probably be married, kids, beautiful home,

and be a really successful author.

Feels like everything's falling into place.

RINGTONE

Falling into place for all of us.

Who's Sean? Just a guy I met at the awards.

He was not "just a guy" at the awards. He was THE guy at the press awards.

The rainmaker. Huh? The one that ended the four-year dry spell.

ALISON GASPS And?

I was, you know, quenched. Ooh!

Why don't the six of us get together and go for drinks?

Or for dinner. We could have a proper dinner party, discuss our rich and varied lives.

Steady on, Laura. You've only just met him. Right. I need a tea now, to celebrate.

Just skip that other thing. Her fuckin' head'll explode.

# I love everything about you

# The things that you say

# And the things that you do. #

Right. I'm off.

Wish me luck on my hot date.

I'm gonna go. I'm not stopping you. Yeah, I know. I'm just saying.

See you. See you.

SHE GIGGLES

Hi! Hi.

Oh. Sorry. Erm...

Take a seat. Thanks.

Oh! A large Sauvignon blanc, please.

Nothing for me, thanks.

So, are you still writing songs? Oh, no. There's no money in it.

I'm an actuary now.

Aw! But you were so talented!

D'you know my all-time favourite song that you wrote?

It was just when we first got together.

# I love everything about you

# The things that you say Yeah.

# And the things that you do. #

SHE GIGGLES I absolutely love that.

I'd never have kept to the music so long if you hadn't kept telling me how brilliant I was.

But you WERE brilliant. I wasn't really.

Yes, you really bloody well were!

# Your eyes are telling me we're fine

# Fi-ine # Fi-ine

Thanks.

# And your lips were always on my mi-i-ind. #

Oh! You remember that?

SHE GIGGLES Gorgeous!

Still drinking, then. Mm.

SHE GIGGLES

SHE SIGHS

Good to see you again. Yeah.

To be honest, it's a bit of a novelty for me - a date.

You'd think these things would get easier with age, but they don't.

Oh. Are you very old? I was, but then I got divorced.

HE LAUGHS

You mentioned you had an exhibition coming up.

Yeah, at the Riverside Gallery.

If you need any help with anything,

sponsors, promotion, just getting people through the door...

Thanks, but it's all arranged. By me.

Of course.

Just trying to help.

What's the theme? Toxic masculinity.

Big subject.

Are we any closer to a cure?

SHE CHUCKLES

No.

HE CHUCKLES

Do you think you'd have got into journalism if we hadn't broken up?

No, probably not.

I was too busy helping you follow your dream.

It's easier than following my own, you know? Less to lose.

Hey, I don't regret a second of it. They were great times.

Do you remember the first gig the band ever played? Yeah. THEY CHUCKLE

Apart from my family and friends, it was literally two men and a dog.

I was so proud.

It was as if it was the main stage at Electric Picnic,

as if it was me up there. SHE GIGGLES

Yeah, you give everything to that first big relationship. You don't hold anything back. Totally.

I gave 200% of myself to you.

I've only given 50% since.

Approx.

Yeah, I think part of you always loves your first love.

Do you know what I mean?

Do you fancy something stronger?

We could carpe the shit out of what's left of this diem and...

see what happens.

Oh. No. I...

can't.

I've erm...

I've got twins.

Twin...twin babies? Twin babies, yeah. Baby twins.

W...

Oh, my God! That's amazing!

I love twins!

Er, what... So, boys? Girls?

Gender-neutral? One of each, actually.

That's...the most... beautiful thing ever!

So are you married, then?

Next month.

That's...

This is all such great news!

What about you? Are you married? Kids? Anyone?

Yeah, no, early... Everything's brilliant with me.

I've got the fantastic career, as you know,

fantastic friends

and a fantastic love life.

Oh, God, it's great. You know?

We're both so happy.

Yeah.

Look, erm, the reason I wanted to meet up...

I've been in recovery recently,

and since becoming a dad,

I've been thinking about the past, who I was, and...

I wanted to say sorry for being such a dick when we broke up.

No. No, you weren't a dick.

Our relationship, it was amazing.

And, to be honest, Laura,

I sometimes wish you hadn't encouraged me so much

with the music and stuff.

What? I think you arrested my development.

And I think it was more about you than me.

And I think you needed me to be someone.

No, I didn't.

No. And if I did, why the feck didn't you say something?

I didn't really see it back then. You know?

It's like you said about the dream stuff. I think you were pushing me to fulfil both of our dreams.

That's absolute bullshit, Daniel.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Own your own fuck-ups. That's what I do.

I could have been out tonight with my actual real boyfriend.

I could...should be at home with the twins.

Oh, Jesus. You're not still going on about them?

Twin this, twin that. No-one cares.

It doesn't make you George Clooney.

I'm not saying... What?

Hey! Can I have the bill?

OK. Thank you. No! I'm getting my own.

And I'm putting it on expenses.

No, actually, YOU can get it.

You always were a very...

very weak man, Daniel.

Enjoy your briefcase and your twins.

Why don't you put 'em in it, take 'em for a walk?

So, have you thought about a dress yet?

I wouldn't go for one of those strapless ones.

I don't think it would do you any favours.

And that's not being personal.

I don't think they're very flattering on anyone.

And you run a high risk of them falling down at night,

and you wouldn't want that, would you?

I would. We'll all be falling down at night.

THEY LAUGH

And what about a venue?

Now, Martin's cousin Donna, she got married in a barn up in Armagh,

and once she got used to the smell of stale dung, it was all right.

Though I'm not sure about those quirky venues.

We've just started to look, Ma. We're thinking a castle, and staying in Dublin.

Or abroad. No. What? You wouldn't want to do that.

It's too expensive for all the family to get there.

What about the flower girls?

Martin's cousin Marie, her children are very photogenic - well, except for the youngest one.

Excuse me a sec. Just need to pop to the loo. Of course. I'm bursting.

You're fuckin' joking me.

RECORDING: Hey. You've reached Katie. Leave a message. (For fuck's sake.)

So, I was just telling Ma and Da that the birthday prosecco isn't her only present.

We've got you something else. Some news.

Shall we have a dessert?

I saw there was Arctic roll on the menu earlier

and I thought, oh, that sounds fun.

We could do sharesies.

Going anywhere on holiday next year? Erm, I've nothing planned.

A colleague of mine is just back from Croatia. She said it was lovely.

You should go.

OK. Alison is obviously in denial about this, but...

But nothing.

There is no news.

No news at all. It is nothing.

There's no...thing.

But what about... There is no... But you said we'd tell. .. There is no news!...Martin.

Erm, I'll have the Arctic roll, please.

And...four spoons. SHE FORCES LAUGHTER

Anyway...

Dessert? I'm a sucker for sugar, but you don't get off that easy.

What's your story?

Did you manage to pull off the perfect caper, a blameless divorce?

It certainly wasn't blameless. I blame me.

I'd just come out of a very messy relationship and I was a bit lost.

I met Rory.

He seemed very...stable, and he wanted a family,

and I thought for the first time, yeah, maybe I do too,

so we married at a gallop.

Then I had Ella. And it all came into focus.

Like a light came on.

I couldn't stay married to someone I didn't love.

He wanted to stay together for Ella, but I think that's way more damaging for a kid.

To pretend? Yeah.

Children pick up on those things. They know more than Alexa. THEY CHUCKLE

RINGTONE As if by magic. I'd better take this.

Is Ella OK?

Those poisonous little witches.

Tell her I'm coming.

I'm gonna have to go. Anything I can do to help? No! I don't need...

Thank you. I owe you some sugar.

I mean dessert, obviously.

I'll call you, OK? Sure. No problem.

What are you looking for? Have you got a craving?

My ma's were chalk and petrol. No, I haven't got a c... SHE SIGHS

Have you seen the pregnancy tests? Over here with the other stuff for the memory box.

(Memory.)

I got my period in the restaurant.

That's what I was trying to tell you.

(Oh, shit.)

2014.

Out of date.

Probably was never a baby anyway.

Right.

So much for my father sense, eh?

Are you all right?

HE SIGHS

I was thinking of names.

I was thinking Morag, after my old granny.

Baby...Morag?

Mm. Do you like it?

No, Martin, I hate it.

MUSIC: Dirty Old Town by The Pogues

# I'll chop you down

# Like an old dead tree

# Dirty old town

# Dirty old town. #

You know what I'd like to do right now?

I'd like to punch Chloe Norris's lying face in.

Unfortunately I can't, even if they are lying little witches.

What if they don't stop?

Honey...

I wish I could make sure no-one ever calls you names, but I can't.

They're not your friends.

They're just this nest of trolls who want to make everybody else as unhappy as they are. Yeah.

You sure you're not hungry? I'm actually starving. Great.

Do you know what else happened today? What?

After Chloe and Nora said horrible things to me... KNOCK AT DOOR

Just a minute, Ellapops.

What are you doing here? I was taking the scenic route home and I thought I'd pop in.

Thought this might help.

How do you know where I live?

A good journalist never reveals his sources.

Who is it? It's fine. It's no-one.

It's fine. Just go back in.

I said I'd call you. I'm with my daughter.

Have a good night. But...

So, how'd it go with the rock god?

Awful.

He's become very bitter.

Probably 'cause he failed to make it.

This dinner party might just be the three of us and Martin.

Maybe the three of us should go out tonight, get completely trashed.

Are you OK? What's up? I'm not pregnant.

Oh, no! What happened?

They were out-of-date tests - that we've actually been selling.

Hang on. Am I missing something? Just that.

I thought I was pregnant, but I'm not.

How come she knew and I didn't? I'm sorry. I was gonna tell you but I thought it might upset you.

I know. It's just, for some reason, I find it easier to tell you bad news than good news.

Right.

Hey, hey, hey.

So? How was the date?

SHE SIGHS I wish everyone would just stop going on about that.

It was... He's too immature for me.

Anyway, how was your night? Good. Fine. Usual. Nothing much.

They've got croissants over there. Oh.

Hey. Hi. Hi.

So was it a late one last night, you dirty stop-outs?

Yeah.

A few of us went on to 16. Legends! Who was there?

Us two, Paul, Niaill, Kieran, and Samara the influencer.

I think there's something going on there. No comment.

I think Kieran's under the influencer.

THEY CHUCKLE

Hey. What the fuck are you playing at? What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm talking about what everyone in the fucking office is talking about - you and Samara.

For fuck's sake, it's an office. Let them talk.

Gossip is part of the furniture. Yeah?

How do you think it makes me feel? I'm sorry, what?

How do you think it makes me feel?

Everyone talking about you and Samara shagging.

Are you?

You do realise that whether we are or aren't, it isn't any of your business?

You do realise that, right?

Fuckin' hell!

Laura Donegan!

Long time no see! How the hell are you?

Rona Kelly. We sat beside each other in chemistry in second year.

You blamed me when you were caught pretending a test tube was a cock.

SHE CHUCKLES Are you sure that was me?

It doesn't sound like me. Oh! You're still trying to wriggle out of it all these years later.

Bloody typical. SHE CHUCKLES

Have you moved into the area for the school?

Everybody does that. It's a great school.

What class are yours in? Huh?

No, I don't have kids.

I'm picking up my niece.

Niece and nephew. Twins.

Twin...niece and nephew. Oh, cute. Yeah.

What class are they in? Er, baby infants.

Junior infants?

I dunno. I can never remember.

You're up to something. I'm not.

I'd better go, you know, in case someone snatches them or...

Let's go, then.

Rona! SCHOOL BELL Sorry.

I'm not gonna be able to help out at the cake sale fundraiser. Oh!

Yeah. My husband's whisking me off to Barcelona for his birthday.

Sorry.

Hey. Oh! Er, sorry.

Erm... It's great to see you. I-I'd better shoot.

Hey, what about the twins? Huh?

Er, they'll be grand. They're very mature five-year-olds.

CAR HORN / TYRES SCREECH

SHE PANTS

Oh...fuck!

# When you've loved so long

# That the thrill is gone

# And your kisses at night

# Are replaced with tears

# And when your dreams are on

# A train to train-wreck town

# Then I ask you now

# What's a girl to do? #

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0