Original subtitles

Come on, kids! Go for it! The future’s yours!

This isn’t my story. Let’s get that straight, okay?

Stories are always about the good guys. Guys like Dani Horváth.

1998. Flamingo Restaurant. School prom. 4C.

There! See?

That was me behind the shaggable girl.

And my trouser zip touched her perfect arse for a split second, I swear!

So don’t look for me in the picture. I had urgent business!

Couldn’t let something like that go to waste!

Tímea Hajnal. I’m gonna shag you one day!

That was 15 years ago.

Tímea Hajnal has turned into a house wall since then.

She’s been all over the world, but now she’s come back to let that TV wanker fuck with her head

She knows.

Wow! Look at those thighs! I hate anyone who ever got between them!

This is what Dani Horváth turned into. A little prat!

I’ll get it!

Hello.

Hi!

Hi!

She’s my fiancée.

And he’s my dog!

Next.

Okay. What do you think?

Do I have to try them all?

I had 4 Nutella pancakes for lunch. No, 5!

Yes! If you don’t, we won’t be able to decide which cake to order.

And if we don’t decide, we won’t get the 20% discount I bargained.

And if we don’t get the discount, we’ll have to cut down on guests.

Do you want to upset your friends when we don’t invite them to our wedding?

Fair enough.

You’re a dictator, did you know that?

Ich liebe der tiramisu... cake.

Das tiramisu.

Tiramisu then? You sure?

Ja wohl, meine liebling.

I love you, too. Super. Come here!

You know I don’t eat sugar.

Go for it, kids! You’re not pensioners yet

Now for the chorus!

2013, Still 4C, and still the fucking Flamingo Restaurant.

Hello!

But I’d have those curtains in my house.

Who’s that?

Anett Kolovics.

That? That’s Anett Kolovics?

That’s Anett Kolovics.

Not Rita Veiszberger? No.

That’s Rita Veiszberger by the buffet.

Hello!

And which one did I screw?

Both of them.

That’s what I was worried about.

Hello! Hi!

Don’t worry, Bögöcs isn’t coming!

He “accidentally” got left off the email.

You left me off the email?

Then why did you post the school reunion in big letters on Facebook?

Arseholes!

It’s a miracle you ever graduated!

You fucked up there!

What?

You’re thinking that you fucked up!

Another Jägermeister, please!

You had your chance, but you fucked it!

Get over it.

Didn’t you order a Jäger?

It’s okay. I’ll drink it.

Hey! My mate ordered a Jäger!

That’s your problem! What is?

You’ll drink vodka when you ordered Jäger.

I can’t see the problem. I’ll drink the vodka and then get a Jäger.

An apple juice, please.

Hello! Who’s the fit chick?

Excuse me! I asked for an apple juice.

Should I order for you? He’s a bit deaf.

No thanks, I’m a big girl. I can do it.

An apple juice, please.

Hey! Give the girl an apple juice!

Thanks!

Are you happy now?

You must have a dull life.

Are you a psychologist now?

No!

Not even close!

Virág Szentesi looks really fucking good!

Why didn’t I screw her back then?

Why? Didn’t you screw her?

No.

No, I don't think so!

Hang on, who’s that?

It’s not me,

it’s our old teacher looking half dead.

This is me...

What’s up, gay boys? Is the party this shit?

Hello!

Don’t bother.

How’s life, four eyes?

Should I show you the engagement photos?

Hi, Bögöcs.

Your girlfriend? I’d shag her!

Wait a minute!

Yes, I’d definitely shag her.

But I’d prefer to shag her!

I’d shag her as long as she kept moving!

As long as she kept moving!

Unbelievable!

You haven’t changed a bit.

Can I help?

A man at last!

Were you in the class, too... or do you just work here?

Now I remember why I liked you so much.

So?

To the past.

Shouldn’t we drink to the future?

You’re right. To the future!

- How are you? - How are you?

Like shit! Don’t you read the papers?

Yes.

“The top model and the star reporter!”

If you say “dream couple”, I’ll kill you!

And you? Family? Kids? Golden Retriever?

Can’t we drink something stronger?

Go for it! We only live once!

Who knows where your fingers have been!

To good old Dezső! To Dezső!

You have to give me an autograph

You’re my only famous friend.

Don’t! I’m everyone’s famous friend. Can’t we just be mates?

Can a mate have an autograph?

Give me your arm!

And now your turn.

What shall I sign?

You kept this?

Did we ever have a slow dance?

You always wanted to talk.

That says a lot about my youth.

I liked talking to you.

Why... were we friends?

Mmm... more like girlfriends.

Even better.

Does a girlfriend do this?

I’m sorry.

Do you never finish what you started?

What do you mean?

You didn’t sign your rabbit.

What are we doing?

Just having fun.

Hi.

How was the reunion?

Nothing special.

I put something together last night...

while you were at the party.

We can show it on a big screen. What do you say?

A super idea. Super!

When we swam in Lake Balaton.

1 hour 42 minutes.

This is when Mum and Dad beat us at charades. Remember?

I guessed “transcendental meditation” in 20 seconds.

Grossglockner. 3798 metres...

What?

What what?

Nothing.

I like it.

Really?

Really.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I did a stupid thing last night. A fucking stupid thing!

I reckon you did the right thing.

What?

You screwed Tímea. It was about time.

How do you know?

Your dick was hanging out of your zip when you left the cloakroom, idiot!

I’ve ruined everything!

What everything? Tell me.

Can we get out? I’m not feeling well.

What have you ruined?

My wedding. My life. Everything.

Sorry, but I can’t follow you.

I thought I wasn’t like that. Understand?

I’ll tell you what to do.

Number 1: feel proud that you screwed the fittest girl in the class.

Congratulations! I couldn’t have done it.

Number 2: marry Réka, give her at least 8 babies, buy a dog,

and never ever tell her what happened last night!

Hi, good morning!

But, Livi... Okay, okay!

Dani, come and see me for a minute!

Dani, I’ve got a good friend.

Yes?

He’s a professor of gynaecology.

He’s the best in the country. The best!

They’re running a trial at the clinic. You go in and say that you want a boy,

and they’ll guarantee you a boy... 98%!

It’s not cheap,

but we’ve agreed with Livi that...

What do you mean?

The perfect wedding present.

Better than a musical coffee-maker, hey?

That bloke’s Réka’s old man. So the idiots understand.

My dad never had an office

And it wasn’t the heart attack that killed him, it was the electric saw! God rest his soul!

But anyone who puts kissing chickens on a wedding invitation is capable of anything.

They could at least be shagging or something!

Other women lose weight when they’re upset. I eat like a pig...

- Is it okay that I invited you out? - Sure!

Don’t you want any? No, thanks, I’ve just eaten.

These are the best hamburgers in the world. It must be the pickle!

I wanted to call you, too.

Why?

To say sorry about the...

About the sex?

Why should you be sorry?

We had a really good time! I haven’t laughed that much in 15 years.

We could carry on. I had a great time.

I never thought that I missed it so much.

I’ve realised that I've turned into what I dreaded the most. A…

A top model?

No. A stereotype. I’ve become a stupid stereotype.

With a burger with pickle?

That’s how I rebel, okay? With hamburgers and cloakrooms.

Do you remember Dezső's favourite scarf? The red and black one.

He wears it all the time. He even wore it to the reunion.

- Sure. What about it? - I found it in my trousers when I got home.

What are you doing here?

They gave me coffee.

No, no, no!

Everyone makes mistakes, Bögöcs, don’t they?

"A man can only see clearly with his heart. The significant things are invisible to the eye.”

I think it’s significant that you shagged Tímea Hajnal, don’t you?

I saw it really well even though it was fucking dark in there!

What do you want? Are you trying to ruin my life?

I don’t give a shit about your life!

So how much money do you want?

Don’t insult me. Do I look like a penniless prick?

Then what do you want? To be the big boss? Okay, Bögöcs, you’re the boss! Is that what you want?

To play the big boy even though you’re a complete dickhead?

Should I bow to your greatness, admit that I’m at your mercy? Is that it? What do you want?

I want to shag Tímea Hajnal!

I want you to organise it for me.

You’re out of your mind.

I’m not sure about that. But I do know that if I don’t get to shag Tímea Hajnal,

you’ll have no wedding in a month from now.

Are you blackmailing me?

Of course I fucking am! What did you think?

Get out of here!

Okay. I hate weddings anyway.

Okay, okay, okay!

And how should I do it? Ask her to be a good girl and sleep with you?

You’re mates, you’ll think of something.

And why are you blackmailing me? Why not her?

Why should she be forced to open her legs?

Are you a complete idiot? Where’s the pleasure in that?

Is this your scarf, sweetie?

- That? - This.

No, it’s Dezső’s... I need to give it back to him.

Who’s Dezső?

Our old teacher... Dezső.

I borrowed it from him because it was... cold and...

Your neck was cold so you borrowed a scarf from your elderly teacher?

That smells like... a dead cat. How much did you drink?

Sorry, it’s Gábor.

Hi! What’s up?

We’ve got trouble. I called Bögöcs

"told him he could have a high-class hooker" he said he’d already had the one from Big Brother,

and he doesn’t give a shit about high-class hookers.

So?

So, I couldn’t convince him. He wants Tímea.

Did you tell him the big news? Tell him we’re posting the invites.

Réka says we’re sending your invitation.

You can tell her not to worry about the wedding, we’ll sort it,

and she’ll never see the video of you screwing your ex-classmate in the cloakroom.

Thanks, I’ll pass that on.

He sends his kisses.

Me, too.

I want to say sorry.

Flowers, wine, supper. It must be important.

It’s the most important thing.

No, the most important thing is that you screwed that whore on the car bonnet!

Buddha teaches us that the secret of spiritual development is the eternal fight between darkness and light.

Without darkness, there can be no light.

Just look at that candle. How would it look in the sunlight?

Was that a rhetorical question?

I had to do battle with my dark demons.

But on the bonnet of a car?

I defeated them, Tímea.

It’s odd that I needed darkness to find the light.

And you are my eternal light, Tímea

I’ve slept with someone.

Sorry?

You heard. I’ve slept with someone.

Oh no!

With someone else.

You’re lying, because you want to hurt me.

I had to do battle with my demons, too...

How could you?

Yin. Yang. Something like that.

Who was it?

Tímea!

You can’t do this to me! Tímea!

Do you see that window?

It’s always open at night.

You’ve done your research.

I like to be certain.

So we go in through there.

But why does he leave it open?

Perhaps he likes fresh air.

Hey!

I’ve got no idea what that means.

To be quiet... and follow me... to the window. And cover me.

Hey?

What do you mean by “cover me”?

Fresh air? Bollocks! I’m just too lazy to walk to the loo.

Not so much laziness. More... practicality.

Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! He’s closed the window.

- Could we be this lucky? - How lucky?

For Bögöcs to piss on us when we could walk in?

You look around here, I’ll check upstairs.

Bloody hell!

Put your hand up if you haven’t photoed your dick with your mobile!

Wait!

I’ll sort it out.

Thanks for everything.

If you happen to screw another women in the next 3 weeks,

and someone films it... you’ve got my number.

Are you at home?

What are you doing at 3 in the morning?

I was at work. I came home, felt thirsty.

You should ask Dad for overtime rates. Or a pay rise.

Should I talk to him?

You’re funny.

I think of myself as a quality bloke, who hates cheap jokes.

I’m sure you've realised that!

So, watch this!

Look out! Dog shit!

I’m gonna kill the joke. He won’t find the phone. It’s me calling.

And you ask with big cow eyes “how is that possible?”

Because I’ve got two phones, arseholes!

An extra copy? Who would have thought it?

Was he pissed off?

Not really.

And what did he want?

What do you mean? To screw Tímea Hajnal, that’s what,

and to get his phone back.

Then give it him back.

That won’t work.

You’ve destroyed it? Good.

What should we do now?

What if we killed him?

He said we shouldn’t try. He’s given his lawyer a copy of the video.

I was joking, idiot!

Really?

We only live once. You should buy both.

They suited you. Hello?

You hate me for some reason.

Why do you think that is?

I don’t know. I really don’t know.

Oh... the sandwich? Because I ate your cheese sandwich in year 4?

Yes! The cheese sandwich! I still hate you for eating my sandwich at school!

I could kill you for doing that!

Virág, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry... I was really hungry.

But I’ll make up for it, I promise.

Let me take you out to dinner!

We only live once, hey?

Some people don’t even live once.

Do you think I can’t see through you?

40-year-olds cry on my sofa:

“Doctor, there’s no meaning to my life!”

You’ve still got 7 years left, so pull yourself together.

Hang on a minute! Did you say “my couch”?

Then I guessed right! You are a psychologist!

Would you tell me what Virág Szentesi is doing here?

She’s going to help us.

But what the hell with?

What do you mean? For Bögöcs to screw Timea Hajnal,

and for you to happily marry the love of your life.

Do we really want to get her... screwed?

What are you stressing yourself for? We’ll get them together for a night.

Timea with Bögöcs?

Yeah. And everything’s sorted.

Timea with Bögöcs?

I don’t see the problem.

Virág did it all through school. She got anyone together with anyone.

What’s the problem? Can you see Tímea voluntarily touching Bögöcs?

Do you know anyone in the world who would voluntarily touch Bögöcs?

Without a baseball bat?

Virág Szentesi? The psychologist?

Hello.

What exactly do you want from me?

For you to help an ex-classmate.

I can help an ex-classmate by convincing a second ex-classmate

to sleep with a third ex-classmate?

That’s about right... but it’s simpler than that.

Simpler?

This is Tímea Hajnal.

And this is Bögöcs.

That simple.

I wanted to eat that.

You don’t pick up your mobile, you don’t pick up your land line, okay.

You’ve got the right to shut me out of your life. I’m not even asking you to forgive me,

I just want you to know that I love you, Tímea.

I love you more than anything, understand?

No one has ever loved you this much. Understand? No one.

No one! Please don’t do this.

Please pick the phone up.

I’m begging you! Pick it up!

Don’t do this to me! I’d do anything…

I’d die for you, Tímea.

Understand?

I’d die...

Thanks.

You upset again?

We’ve split up. It’s over.

Oh... with that guy?

The star reporter.

I’m glad you called, it’s as if you sensed it.

I wanted to tell you something.

What?

When did you turn into such a cute guy?

You’re joking.

I’m serious. I swear.

Okay, well schnitzel suits you, too.

I’d like to see you with a bowl of tripe!

Are you inviting me to supper?

- You okay? - Sorry.

So here we are. The good guy’s greatest fear.

“I didn’t tell the truth, so I lied.

I’m scum, and not the good guy I thought I was,

and I’m going to burn in hell..."

“Oh fuck! I’m a slut!”

So...?

Ask me whose autograph I got.

Tímea Hajnal? Does the name mean anything to you? She’s sitting outside.

I went over... and said: “Hello, sorry to disturb you, bla-bla-bla.”

I asked for an autograph.

"The guys at the tennis club will be green with envy."

I looked down and, well,

Dani, those breasts!

Sorry... My lunch...

Everything okay?

Sure. I just remembered that... I’ve got to go back to work... a meeting...

I’ll pay the...

Leave it. You can pay for supper, okay?

Did you want to say something?

It’s not important.

Bye!

Yes?

You’d like another autograph?

Dani, why didn’t you say that you know each other?

You know each other?

He’s my boss... But we have to go.

Nice to meet you!

She wants a house. She found me.

I didn’t say anything because I was going to surprise you.

I hope I never have a worse surprise.

And Karcsi Freimann, Dani?

Where are the Freimanns?

Who are the Freimanns? I’ve never...

Mum, you play bridge with the Freimanns twice a year. I’m not sure that...

Twice a year?

Karcsi Freimann is always here.

Isn’t it a super picture, Dani? You appreciate art.

Yes, it’s fabulous.

Very... very... vibrant.

A...woman’s breast?

Or two?

“The Merciful Madonna”

Oh, yes…

Woman’s breast?

Freimann is overrated.

But we still need to invite them. It’s not a question.

Dani, are you really drawing a hanged hamster on the seating plan?

No.

It’s a rabbit.

Why should I help you? I still hate you.

I don’t know. Perhaps you wanted to sit on this bench.

That was our classroom...

No, ours was one floor up.

No it wasn’t.

Yes it was. I used to smoke in that window.

It would be hard to admit that you’re wrong, hey?

Your ego and everything. I understand.

- Let’s go inside! - No!

We’ve still got an hour.

We’ll get caught.

And what can happen? The headmaster tells us off?

We’re on the wrong floor.

So I was right.

Nothing’s changed

Only us.

See? This is what happens when you live once.

But, just so you know, I still hate you.

Why?

Hello!

At last! What’s she doing here?

Hi, Bögöcs.

You’re sweet for trying,

but I didn’t tell you to bring someone for me to shag.

It’s Tímea Hajnal I want. On her back? On her knees?

And how are you? Still in the motor trade?

Yeah. And I’ve dabbled in porn, too.

I’ve made porn version of the classics. “Gentlemen Prefer Anal”, “Bend Her”...

It was my idea to do porn remakes. I looked at the bestsellers.

There was that bloke Pablo Coelho, or what the fuck. I thought it was a western.

But it was some gay shit!

Haven’t you seen “Veronika Decides to do Dick”?

Or “The Alchemist’s Prick”?

No.

Culture. It means nothing to you, hey?

Here’s Mr. Shag-omatic!

Hi.

Will you tell me why you dragged her here?

I still don’t know what she wants.

Point again and I’ll break your arm!

We asked Virág to...

The boys asked me to help. I’m a psychologist.

Congratulations!

I knew a psychologist. She cried when I shagged her.

It was fucking annoying. The water dripped up my nose.

Does this one cry when you shag her?

- I warned you! - No, Gábor!

Don’t you be so strong! I recorded "Rambo 3" for you, remember?

Everything’s going to be fine! Relax.

He’s my man! Little Horváth. I knew I could depend on you.

Bögöcs. You do realise that Tímea won’t sleep with you of her own accord?

But you’ll convince her.

What should we say? Here’s the alchemist’s prick, don’t miss out?

I wasn’t the alchemist’s prick, you dick! I was the producer!

We’re going to help you with 2 things. Firstly, you have to smarten yourself up.

What do mean? Well... with clothes... and stuff.

I get it. A bit of optical tuning?

Why didn’t you say that? What else?

Tímea is like a little clam.

A hard shell on the outside, but if you break the shell, she’s all softness and love on the inside.

Deep down, Tímea has always had a little of Mother Teresa in her.

Mother Teresa? You want me to go off her, don’t you?

No. I’m saying if you manage to touch her emotionally... open her up…

So she opens her legs, I push my trousers down... ...grab her arse,

and shove my...

Fucking hell, little Horváth! You've got balls, too!

Building something.. . is the most sacred thing in the world.

The infinite beauty of creation. To create perfection.

Understand, Dani?

Whether it’s a stadium...

... or a family.

Yes. The most sacred thing.

Hasn’t Tímea Hajnal been in touch since?

I’ve brought you somet

Do you know why I like being with you?

Because when I’m with you, I feel like you want to be with me. And...

I felt it in the cloakroom that it’s me you want, and not...

The stereotype.

Exactly.

You’ve always been honest with me. Then and now.

It’s exactly that... I wanted to talk about.

The truth is that... I...

I... haven’t been all that...honest with you.

Really?

I didn’t really mention it, but...

I’ve got a fiancée... and we’re getting married... and...

You really didn’t mention it?

Have you made your choice?

It looks like it.

Yes? Okay. It was Dani.

Everything’s okay. The clam has opened.

Why wasn’t it good as it was?

We’ve dressed you up, and you’re moaning.

The underpants you bought are dead good. 100% cotton, hey? Nice and soft on my dick!

Enough room. Understand?

Do you know what to do, or should I explain for the twentieth time?

Of course I know. It’s not my first time with a woman.

This will be different, believe me.

- You won’t have to pay. - That’s her. Do you remember everything?

My sister... with 2 kids, Parkinson’s and everything. Left alone.

How will they survive? I’m not a complete dickhead.

Do you know what? I’m going to shag this woman to shreds in half an hour.

I think I got it wrong.

The story with the sister with Parkinson’s won’t be enough.

- What the shit should I do now? - Nothing.

You’ve just killed Bögöcs!

I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.

It’s okay... I’m just a bit dizzy.

- I’ll call a doctor. - No need.

I’ll be fine.

I’ll be right back.

Does it hurt?

It’s nothing compared to my soul.

Could I have something to drink?

Sure.

So... Parkinson’s. And she’s alone with the 2 kids.

After she called, I went out... in the rain. I didn’t even know where I was.

All I could think about was how to help them.

That’s terrible. And then I came along and...

What are the kids called?

Erm… Tímea.

Tímea? Really? And the other one?

Pál. Erm... Yeah

Didn’t you say they were both girls?

Did I say that?

I don’t remember.

Oh, my head hurts! Oh, my head!

I thought you’d never kiss me!

Okay, so that’s not exactly what happened.

But it could have.

I was a hair’s breadth away... A fucking hair!

One minute. Sorry.

That normally means “we’re going to shag in a minute”!

Yes!

Where’s the bedroom?

Tímea Hajnal! I’ve waited an eternity for this moment.

Let’s do this right...

Fuck me!

Róbert! Róbert!

Wake up! What have you done?

Wake up!

So aren't we going to shag now?

Hi!

At last! Here’s my old mate!

Hi there!

- Hi! - Hi!

You’ve made me fucking angry, little Horváth. I’m gonna kill you!

- Why didn’t you tell me? - What?

About Feri.

That’s me, you idiot!

Do you know how long I’ve been looking for the perfect best man?

And you asked your friend.

Why didn’t you tell me?

He’s a scream. I love him? Why haven’t you introduced him before?

You never mentioned me to Réka? That hurts. I bet he never said anything about the reunion either.

He’s all emotional.

A glass of wine, darling?

Sure.

- I love you! - I love you, too.

To the bride and groom!

Now I want to hear what happened at the reunion.

Nothing. We just talked.

What a guy! He’s got such enormous... stories!

Did you tell him about the tennis tournament?

He told me everything. We stood in the cloakroom, and he kept going, and going!

Oh, I nearly forgot!

I found this at the newsagent’s.

Tímea Hajnal. She’s 33. Doesn’t she look good?

Yeah.

She was in our class.

You went to school with Tímea Hajnal? You never said!

But they were such good friends.

That’s mine. Sorry.

The band for the wedding.

Yes, that’s me. Yes.

You see that I’ve got you by the balls, little Horváth?

You’re enjoying this, hey? What the shit do you want now?

The same as before. To shag Tímea Hajnal.

And your woman, too. I’m raising the stakes!

Just fuck off!

Only pulling your dick, idiot! Don’t shit your pants! If you could see your face!

I want Tímea Hajnal. You’ve got a week, arsehole!

I don’t like losing.

Why say that now? Have we been playing a match for the last 90 minutes?

I didn’t even notice, but I won?

No.

I was just thinking about Bögöcs.

Don’t bring Bögöcs into my bed, hey? Now I’ve let you back into it...

after 15 years.

What do you mean?

What?

You said “back”, after 15 years.

What do you mean what do I mean?

I mean that... we didn’t... sleep together before...

Or did we?

After the prom?

So you weren’t angry with me because I ate your sandwich?

Are you really such an idiot?

You thought I hated you because of the sandwich?

And not because you screwed me after the prom,

and only spoke to me 15 years later?

"Who’s the fit chick?”

Do you know how long it took me to get over you, you bastard?!

I’m sorry.

I remember being drunk after the prom and...

I should go now, hey?

I’m sorry.

We only live once!

Because of a sandwich, you prick?! Because of a fucking sandwich?

Is everything all right, sweetheart?

- Mr. Kaposi? - Yes.

- Sure. Everything’s absolutely fine. - That’s okay then.

I’ll come back tomorrow.

You haven’t forgotten Friday, have you?

Friday?

Yeah. Florida Granny’s coming.

Of course. Florida Granny. On Friday. I know.

She’s really looking forward to meeting you in person.

Do you know how hard it to find a prom bouquet at this hour?

“We’ll remember you forever!”

Well... we only live once.

Remind me to tell you something, okay?

I’ve got a good idea!

First she was crying her eyes out, and now she’s opening her legs! Congratulations!

- How come you invited me out? - We never got a chance to chat at the reunion.

- I’m glad you came. - Of course, it’s Friday.

I’m sorry about the thing with... your boyfriend.

Oh! Men!

By the time they realise what they want, it’s too late.

What the shit took so long?

Bögöcs, you’ve waited 15 years. Can’t you wait another 20 minutes?

Okay. But what are they doing?

Virág’s sorting things out. Because it seems you can’t organise it yourself.

Can I help it if that arse threw up all over the room?

And do you know the interesting thing?

They say that puke always has carrots in it.

But his only had fucking carrots! Just carrots!

The room was covered in carrots!

Can you fucking believe it? Is the bloke a guinea pig or what the fuck?

Let’s drink instead.

- Listen, Niki. - It’s Nikki, with two “k”s.

I didn’t call you...

What’s your name?

Gábor.

See what I mean?

It means you’re looking down on me, when I’m a person, too.

Just like a real person, get it?

In fact, I bet I give a lot more pleasure to people than you do.

I’m sure you do.

See? So who can look down on who now? See what I mean?

- You getting me? - Sure.

- Nikki. There’s the girl you have to... - Fuck? Me?

- Impersonate. - Right! Impersonate, cool!

That’s fucking cool! No problem. Easy! But there are a couple of things I definitely don’t do.

No poo-poo sex! No pee-pee sex! Okay...

...pee-pee sex is okay. If I have to. But only I do the peeing. Okay? Only me!

I got pissed on once, and threw up. No one likes that, hey?

Though there were 5 of them, perhaps that was the problem.

So, she’s the girl...

Isn’t that Hajnal? It’s Tímea Hajnal!

- Hide me! - What?

Thanks.

Sorry.

I thought I’d swallowed it!

Where’s the dress?

I can see you’ve tried her out. Will she be good enough for Bögöcs?

What? Don’t want to buy a dud, hey?

What’s wrong with you? She solved an awkward problem.

Right! She’s a first-class hooker and a top spy in one. Good choice!

You’re jealous. Give me the car keys.

Me? Jealous? Of that woman?

It’s Christmas Eve, 1988.

We’re sitting around the table with Dad, Mum and Gran.

I’m so excited, I can’t eat.

I was going crazy because I knew I’d been given a Nintendo.

We just had to get through the cabbage, “Silent Night”, and all the other shit. Understand, little Horváth?

I know that the Nintendo is under the tree. It even spoke to me:

“I’m only yours”, “pick me up”. But the fucking time wouldn’t pass.

The only thing in that moment was the Nintendo.

Time ceased to exist, understand?

You understand me?

Do you know what the big question is?

After the big thing has happened,

after I have shagged Tímea Hajnal... will the sun still come up the next day?

Did the sun come up after you got the Nintendo?

That’s just fucking it! It did! The fucking thing! It came up just the same the next morning.

We’ve had a good chat. Should we go home? I’ll call a taxi.

You want to go so soon? Aren’t we going to dance?

Come on!

What do you think?

What’s that?

What? It’s a tattoo. What did you think?

Why didn’t you mention it?

Don’t you like it?

Who is it? Jack Sparrow?

Are you stupid? It’s Jesus. He’s wearing a crown of thorns. And if I move like this...

...he winks. Good or what?

- Jesus Christ! - See, she recognised him!

Has Tímea gone home?

No. Someone asked her to dance. What should we do now?

Do you always panic?

Jesus is going to sleep.

- Just like two peas in a pod. - Come on.

You’ve got a good eye.

Hi, guys!

- Hi, Tímea! - You look great, Tímea!

Hi!

I’m Tímea.

I know.

He knows. You were in the same class.

Sure. I’m getting it. You sat in front of me. I could hardly see the blackboard.

I can remember that time in maths when...

Tímea, won’t you sit down?

Come on, Bögöcs. What are you waiting for?

Just hang on a minute.

I’ve wanted to shag you since the first time I saw you.

Now I can shag you, will the sun come up tomorrow morning?

- I need to piss. - Pee-pee sex. I knew it!

Hey, Bögöcs, listen. We’ve organised Tímea Hajnal for you. That’s what you wanted isn’t it?

Screw her quick and then leave me in peace!

Yes, fuck Tímea! That’s me. I’m Tímea.

Quickly.

Okay... Let’s do this properly.

Tímea!

Tímea!

Tímea!

Sorry.

I might have had a lot to drink,

but I saw Bögöcs in the ladies’ loos, screwing a girl who looked just like me.

I really think we should go home now. I’ll call a taxi

Ooops!

- I know you. - Of course. We where classmates.

- That’s not it. You were in “The Alchemist’s Prick”. - Yeah, I guess that’s true.

- I knew it. 11 minutes of anal... - That’s true, too.

- Then you’re not Tímea. - What should I say?

Well, better make the most of it.

Well? Is everything okay?

I’m a bit pissed at the minute,

but I know you’ve got 4 days left to get me together with Tímea Hajnal. Gay boys!

WHERE ARE YOU?

How come we didn’t meet in the cloakroom?

Hi, Tímea.

Are you letting your hair down before the wedding?

That’s great. I’m happy to have been a part of your happy married life.

Are you driving home?

I hope you’ll patch things up with Tímea Hajnal.

She’s a cute girl.

And you’re a cute guy. You look good together.

But we’re not together. I’m getting married next week.

Oh, sorry. Now I understand the tears.

What tears?

When Tímea left you, she was crying.

But I’m getting it now.

She’s in love with you.

You’re out of your mind!

Yeah. Because all prostitutes are idiots, right?

Okay, sorry. That’s not what I meant.

You’re in love with her, too. Do you think it isn’t written all over your face?

I’ll say it again: next week is...

Your wedding. I get it. And?

Do you live far from here?

I had this client. He was okay.

He came a couple of times a month.

He always wanted the same thing: I strapped a plastic penis on, and fucked him up the arse.

A couple of years passed. I thought I would ask him.

I said: “Listen, Béla.”

That’s not his real name. I can’t say his real name because he’s an MP... get it?

What would his party say if they found out? You getting me on this?

I thought I would ask him, because it was really needling me.

“Hey, Béla, aren’t you gay?”

He went mad and said that he’d got a wife and 3 kids,

and how dare I ask him such a thing.

“Fuck it, Béla, I’ve got no problem with gays,

but who are you kidding on this?”

He started shouting, got dressed, and left.

I see him on the TV talking about agriculture, or some shit like that,

and the sadness is still in his eyes.

Are you getting me on this?

Is this your building?

Yeah.

Thanks for the lift. It was a good night.

Thanks for the story. I’ll try to remember it.

You can do what you like with it, I don’t care.

Just don’t come back to me in a year and ask me to dress as Tímea Hajnal and suck you off. Bye!

Where have you been? We’ve been waiting for hours with Granny.

I had to organise a few things.

Organise a few things?

I gave you a list of things to organise... for our wedding.

When will you do them?

Dani, have you sent the invite to Karcsi Freimann?

Did you get an appointment at the clinic?

The clock’s ticking!

Granny, he’s my fiancé.

I’m not sure. I expected better.

Oh, Mum!

I must have eaten something on the plane.

I’ll be right back.

Sándor!

I want to tell you something you might not understand.

Sorry?

I don’t care if I have a son or a daughter.

It makes no difference.

Lívia, please tell Karcsi Freimann to kiss my arse!

Along with his “The Merciful Madonna”.

I can paint better with my eyes closed.

And, Réka,

I’m not going to organise anything for the wedding...

...because the wedding is off!

I want to tell you something, too!

We all expect something better!

All of us!

With Bögöcs, you bastard?

You wanted to get me screwed by Bögöcs to save your fucking wedding?

Why didn’t you get me drunk and let him mount me?

Or why didn’t you tie me to a bed so I couldn’t defend myself? Was that next?

How could you have agreed to do this?

How do you know?

How do I know? Bögöcs called me.

But he isn’t blackmailing you anymore.

But?

Me. He’s blackmailing me!

And now I’m going to see him to get it over with.

Tímea Hajnal, I hope it’s you, and you’ve come for a shag!

Hello! Yes, it’s me, and yes, I have.

Shit!

This place has seen some action.

I won’t get changed for such a short time.

You’re not in a hurry, are you?

Because I don’t want to rush this. It would destroy the illusion.

That was inevitable.

What was?

This moment. You and me. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to shag you?

Look, I won’t kid myself. I know this whole thing is about me.

But if you enjoy it... and I wouldn’t be surprised... then let yourself go...

Enjoy it... make noise... whatever... like you do. Let yourself go.

Don’t give a shit about the neighbours. So? A drink?

You got a tissue?

A hardly used one?

Let me see if I’ve got one.

Are you that stupid?

Did you really think I would sleep with you?

I feel sick just looking at you!

And if... if... you closed your eyes and sucked me off?

Where’s the video?

There isn’t one.

Dani Horváth took the only copy.

Then I pretended that there was a copy.

Seriously, why would I have a copy?

Tímea? Why do you have this effect on me? Why can’t I lie to you?

Okay. I lied.

Want a coffee?

Toast? Jam?

- I love you! - I love you!

Should I make you an omelette?

With onions and bacon?

Why don’t you tell her you love her?

Because he’s a cowardly dickhead, that’s why!

- Take that back. - I will not.

You’re a cowardly dickhead!

- I’m not a dickhead! - Yes, you are.

You’re a cowardly dickhead.

- Hello. - What?

I found this downstairs.

And? It’s not mine.

I just wanted to see what games it had.

Isn’t that the man who lives here?

They’re kissing.

Hi!

Can I come in?

So?

Don’t hate me...

I didn’t think it through... I’m really ashamed of the whole thing.

Of what? The cloakroom?

No, no, no! What happened after that.

Can you forgive me? Ever?

I don’t know.

Because if you could, I swear I only want to talk to you. I only want...

...to help you open wine in the cloakroom, or somewhere, or another drink.

If we drank a toast, we could do it with beer, if you prefer,

or something stronger, if you drink it. We’ve never discussed it.

I really like whisky, because I like the taste

and it awakes a fire inside me... in my stomach.

Can’t you feel it? I got really cold on the way here.

Could I have a cup of tea?

Good God!

A spicy video clip was uploaded onto a popular website last night,

and it’s already had 250 thousand views.

It shows the top model with an unknown man.

Who was that?

What is it...

star reporter? You want to fight?

There!

He looked so sweet a couple of months ago, didn’t he? Look at him now!

Is it worth it? I ask you, man to man, is it worth it?

And now more proof that true love can overcome everything.

First a list of scandals, and now a wedding.

The beautiful Tímea Hajnal, and our channel’s favourite face, Róbert Bordás,

are going to marry at a delightful country church,

where the locals are looking forward to the extraordinary event.

How did you get in here?

The door was open.

It all started when Tímea Hajnal sprayed me in the face.

But don’t worry, I’m fine now.

And after she sprayed me in the face, she beat me around the head with a book.

Do you know what Pablo Coelho says?

That it’s shit to tell lies.

Lying to your friends is a really shit thing....

But lying to yourself...

that’s a total shit hurricane Fucking shitmageddon! Get it?

No. But I don’t really care.

Listen, I was lying there. Understand?

My tears were flowing because of the gas and Coelho.

It was a total moment of grace. Then I realised that

I'm never... going to fucking shag Tímea Hajnal.

And do you think that made me sad?

I don’t know. Did it?

No, man! I felt liberated from my own fucking crap that

I was determined to... shag Tímea Hajnal.

And that felt good. It would have been good to shag her, but then the next day...

The sun would still come up?

Exactly! Get it? That’s what I mean! Like you and your stupid wedding.

You marry your girlfriend, because you thought that crap up yourself, hey?

Then you get up the next day

and realise there was no point to it all, because nothing changed.

Totally the same.

Then why don’t we do something different? Something to make the sun come up differently?

- Will someone tell me the plan? - The plan...

The plan is to stop the wedding, and for me to get Tímea Hajnal.

We’ve only got an hour left. We’d better get moving!

Hey! What happened to Bögöcs?

What do you mean?

He saw the light.

Will we get there?

- Sure. - We would if he hadn’t turned right.

Do we need this stress?

We should have gone left.

Do you think I haven’t got a video to blackmail you with? Hey?

School trip in year 4? Darth Vader costume? Hey?

You’re stupid. I didn’t film it.

I did!

Tímea, do you take Róbert to be your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Here we are!

Told you!

Timea! Take this ring as a sign of my love and devotion.

- Church, church, church, church... - Do you know how fucking irritating that is?

Gran used to do that.

She opened the fridge and everyone knew what she wanted. “Eggs, eggs, eggs.”

Brake, brake, brake!

We’re too late!

Shit!

I’ve gone off the whole idea now.

I’d planned it all. We rush in at the last minute, and the Warrior of the Light does his stuff!

That was the plan?

Exactly. I was going to restore world order.

Do you know what?

I don’t give a shit about world order! I don’t give a shit about anything!

What are you doing here?

Tímea, I know you hate me, but I don’t care.

You have just sworn eternal loyalty to someone, but I don’t care.

And I don’t care that the whole world will laugh at me tomorrow.

They can point at me and say: “There goes that loser!”

Hello, Piroska. Hello, Laci.

This is it.

Your husband wants to kill me but I don’t care. And do you know why not?

Because I only care about one thing in life,

Tímea! One thing!

Ladies and gents, now for a dramatic announcement!

Father, do you agree with me that marriage cannot be built on a lie?

- Especially if it’s a massive shagging session... - What?

...behind the bar at the stag party! No, no, no!

- The woman might be familiar..... - Tímea, I don’t know what he’ talking about.

- ...because we saw her was on the bonnet of a car.... - It’s a sick joke.

- ...and now she’s on a beer barrel. - Disgusting! I don’t believe it.

Will someone take these two idiots away?!

Drop dead! And you! And you!

Tímea, Tímea, Tímea!

You don’t think that I...

Who the hell are you?

Just the Warrior of the Light.

Hi, Tímea! I’ve called you before... You didn’t pick up...

I can understand that you’re angry... And you’re right.

If I promise never to try and fix you up with anyone?

Would you pick up then?

Okay... I’ll sit on the park bench every night at sunset.

Every night...

On the bench... And I’ll wait for you here.

Do you hear? This is because of you...

But I’ll come again tomorrow.... Until you’re willing to meet me...

Tímea! If you want to escape stereotypes,

the best thing is to come here and get soaked with me...

You hear me, Tímea?

You should be more careful with phones.

So should you.

You ruined my wedding.

And you ruined mine. 1:1.

And you really messed me up.

And you me.

Now what?

I don’t know. What do you think?

- I’d like it if... - If?

I’d like it if... we could be friends.

Wait! I’ve wanted to do this for a long time!

- Please get up. - What are you doing?

No!

Tímea Hajnal, I would like you to accept...

...Dezső’s scarf.

It gets cold at night.

At the start, I said that the story’s not my story.

Because those stories are always about the good guy.

Guy’s like Dani Horváth.

So the story’s so not my story! But who gives a shit? The next one will be.

Anything’s possible.

Tell me who you are again.

The Warrior of the Light!