Original subtitles

Come on, Riz. All right.

Oh, watch it.

You know, this basement's a pretty scary place, Clifford.

It reminds me of the reform school.

Come on, Riz. We're just changing the fuse.

All right.

Now hold that flashlight up so we can find the fuse box. Okay, let's see. See

where it... Ow! Ow! What's wrong with you? Ow! Ow! Oh, I think my head found

fuse box. Wait a minute. Hold the phone. I see something. Huh?

Right over here. Bring that flashlight. Oh, yeah.

Careful, Clifford.

It's high voltage. I got it. I got it. Be careful.

Hey. Hey.

That's more like it. Come over here. Let's go. All right. Oh, hey, Clifford.

Hmm? What do you think's in this old trunk here? It says, uh, Coanga.

Hmm. I don't know.

Well, I guess I'll just have to, uh, pick the lock.

Ha!

How about this right here?

What is that?

Okay, Chick, I think this is what we're going to do. We'll start with a Sputnik

routine because that's so topical.

And then we'll be off to the races.

Yo, yo, yo. Chick, what? Yo, who are you?

Who am I? Don't you watch TV?

I'm Gary Coinga.

And my partner Chick and I are performing on the Ed Sullivan show

Wait, wait, wait. Slow down, little fella.

This is the Muppets.

I don't think so.

You know what?

Mr. Sullivan has us on right after the harmonica. Now, what time is it? I don't

want to be late. I think you're 40 years too late. Yeah, Sullivan hasn't been on

the air in years.

Wait a minute. This is in 1956?

Not unless you go by my paychecks.

Then I've been in this box for more than 40 years?

That means I haven't been to the bathroom in... Whoa!

Get out of my way!

Whoa!

Take a load off your feet.

Got a lot to do. And we do it for you.

Everybody take your place. We got

a show for you.

Hi, James.

Hey,

welcome to Muppets Tonight.

This week's show has tons of singers and bands and dancers. It brings new

meaning to the term music heavy.

Nobody told me they were going to drop a piano.

Clifford, excuse me, but it was in the script.

Nobody told me that was a script.

As Clifford was saying, there's a lot of music on the show this week. And to

start, let's go live via satellite to the great Gonzo at the Lollapalooza

Festival.

Hello, I'm the great Gonzo here, live from Lollapalooza, all the way across

country. In fact, I'm so far away that... Gonzo, you are not all the way

the country. You are right here on our stage.

I know. My mom wouldn't let me go. What? She said there were too many weirdos.

Might be a bad influence on me. Gee, I would have thought it was the other way

around. Well, don't worry about it. I've got something that's just as good.

They're called Lollapaloozers.

Lollapaloozers? Yeah, all the acts that weren't good enough to make it to the

Lollapalooza. Oh, brother.

And the first one is the Benedictine Boogie!

A lot like skiing.

How's that?

Because it's going downhill fast.

And basically that's what's happened in the last 40 years.

So you're telling me that human beings have walked on the moon.

Right. And that the Soviet Union has crumbled. Oh, yeah. And bears have been

discovered to be the smartest creatures in the galaxy.

Oh, and the sexiest.

I may be a dummy, but I'm not stupid. I know this is 1956.

This must be one of Chick's practical jokes.

Oh, who's Chick?

Oh, Chick is my ventriloquist. I mean, the guy's a real goofball. Oh, yeah.

But you know what I always say? You buy the donut, you buy the hole.

Oh, how true, how true.

All right, a big smoking gig tonight. We're debuting our Sputnik routine, and

Chick doesn't even show.

Whoa!

It's not 1956 anymore. The girls are walking around there with skirts up to

and tattoos all over their bodies.

Oh, my goodness. And the guys are wearing earrings in their noses. I need

out for this. The world's gone mad.

I wonder who gets a load of Dennis Rodman.

Clifford, I've got another... Law of the Losers act all ready to go. No, no, no

thanks, Gonzo. I think we got the idea.

But these guys are great. It's the Smashing Pumpkins.

The Smashing Pumpkins? I love them.

Oh, are you going to marry them?

Just put them on, man.

Cue the Smashing Pumpkins.

Ha, ha, ha.

Hot diggity, dog diggity. Bow, just do it with me. Ow.

Don't hit me. I'm not a pumpkin. Well, what are you?

Squash. Don't mind if I do.

Gonzo, you and these cheap musical acts are working my last nerve.

All right, then. Forget about the music. How about an act like Penn and Teller?

Oh, yeah, right. Let me guess. You got a ballpoint pen and a guy who works in

the bank.

Wow, that would have been great, but all I have is a guy named Penn and a guy

named Teller.

Whoa, whoa.

Penn and Teller really are here.

I didn't even see them standing there.

Well, you didn't see the piano drop either.

You really got to start reading the script here, Clifford.

Gonzo, hands Clifford's script.

And he begins to read as Penn and Teller do their act.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Baby, hold on to me.

Escape velocity.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Lift off for love.

Do you really think we'd break an age -old, time -honored magician's code of

secrecy just for a couple of stupid pigs?

Yes.

Okay, let's do it.

Yes!

Hey, Siegfried Roy, this is for you.

away from me.

Next game, you're not where you should be.

Now,

now, now.

Backdoor. Backdoor. Hopped in for a while.

Backdoor. Backdoor.

Missed you by a mile.

on this.

But how did you do it? Yeah.

Yeah, ask Teller. He'll explain it to you.

Clifford, Clifford, you're going to love this next act. Yeah, what's up? We

found a guy who will allow himself to be driven into a railroad tie by two

sledgehammer -wielding American gladiators, Thap and Ice, all to the

can -can.

What kind of crazy psycho idiot would you get to do a thing like that? Hold it

there. Let's see.

Let me check the rundown. That particular idiot would be, uh, me.

Hey,

why didn't you tell me you got an NEA grant?

All right, ready?

Come on,

Gary. Come out of your box. It's not that bad.

Yeah, Gary. Things will work out fine, you know? I mean... there's a place for

you here with the Muppets. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's too scary out there. The world is too different.

I'm just gonna sit tight and wait for Chick.

Um, uh, Gary, I don't know how to break this to you, but there is no Chick. At

least not here.

What? I'm a ventriloquist dummy without a ventriloquist? If I don't have a

partner, I don't have an act.

Oh, listen, Gary, there are plenty of guys around here who'd love to work with

you. Really?

Sure, sure. We'll hold auditions and we'll find you a new partner in no time.

Hey, you guys are fantabulous.

Okay. You guys are fantabulous.

I see what you did there. That was very good. Listen, if people are still

laughing at stuff like that, I got a whole tonk load of material that'll

their socks off.

Hide me! Hide me! What are you?

Squashy. Don't mind if I do!

girls put a little muscle into it.

Now that's what I call art.

Coming up next, everyone's favorite mythological mischief maker, Thor, God

Thunder.

This week, Thor visits the DMV.

All right, Nick.

Name, please.

Thor, God of Thunder.

Have all these forms been filled out properly for your vehicle registration,

sir? Yes, yes, I believe so. I've filled in the release of liability form. I've

given you all the information for the REG -135 form in triplicate. I went all

the way home to get my certificate of ownership because the troll in line

said that I needed it. All right, sir. What did you say your name was again?

sorry.

I am Thor, god of thunder!

Okay.

Chill out, sir.

Now, exactly how long have you owned this car?

This is not a car. It's a fiery chariot.

Uh -oh.

It's a chariot. You're going to want Line J, sir. You got your minivan, your

four -wheel drives, your antique vehicles.

Line J?

Have you seen the sides of Line J?

I may be immortal, but I don't have that much time, for I am Thor.

God of thunder, I know. And I am Estelle. God of thunder. I'm out of

right? And if you don't mind, sir, it's almost lunchtime.

Oh, how clever.

Mind your tongue or I shall smite thee mightily.

Well, you can smite me till you're blue in the face, sir, but you're going to

have to do it from line... Uh -oh.

You filled out the REG -256 form in pencil. What? It's got to be in pen.

you're going to have to take this back, fill it out properly, and then get back

in line and start over again, all right? Next.

I've warned thee. Now feel the wrath of the God of Thunder.

I will get my

supervisors.

Gods,

we get in here.

All right, everybody, listen up, people. Listen up here. We're holding auditions

to find a new partner for Gary Kawanga.

Voiced up?

Bobo. Hey.

So, Bobo. Oh, yes, Gary. Who was that lady I saw you with last night?

Oh, I didn't go out last night. I stayed home and watched wrestling.

No, no, no, no, no. It's a joke, you dummy.

I'm the dummy?

I'm confused.

You said you were the dummy.

Next.

I'm Seymour. I'm Peppy.

We're two of a kind.

We want to work with Gary. A chick he cannot find.

Ta -da!

You see what we did there? We put in Chick's name because that's who you're

looking for. Yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Okay. Hey, Seymour. Yes, Pepe? Who was that lady I saw you with last night?

No, no, no. Don't you remember, Pepe? Last night we went to Bobo's to watch

wrestling. All right, all right, all right.

First of all, that is not the punchline to the joke.

Second, I happen to know that wrestling was not on last night because I checked.

And third, what part do I play in this act?

Oh, well, we haven't worked that out yet, okay? Yeah.

Next. So, who was that lady I saw you with last night?

Again with the wrestling? Read my lips. Wrestling was not on last night.

Next. Get off of me. You're breaking my legs. Get off. Get off.

Next. Okay.

Now, you ask me, who was that lady I saw you with last night?

Are you talking to me?

Yes, sunshine.

You ask me, who was that lady I saw you with last night?

But I wasn't with a lady. I was watching wrestling with the boys.

All right, that's it, that's it. I'm getting out of here. I'm never going to

find a new partner in this madhouse. Whoa, whoa, Gary, I think you're being a

little unfair here. I mean, this place has a lot of things, but it is not a

madhouse.

Now we join the Johnny Fiamma show already in progress.

And I tell you, I can't believe the hits I'm taking in the newspapers these

days. I mean, the critics are accusing me of ripping off David Letterman. Well,

what kind of garbage is that?

Yeah, whatever. Anyway, look, before we get to the stupid Muppet tricks, let's

do a little thing we call... Sal on the street. Sal, can you hear me?

Yeah, yeah, Johnny.

That's working real good.

Now, Sal, go into the laundromat behind you there.

Oh, oh. Yeah. Oh, okay, Johnny. I'm going. All right. Now, the idea this

folks, is that Sal walks up to a stranger and says whatever I tell him to

Okay. Oh, Sal, Sal. The guy behind you is perfect.

Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay.

All right, okay. Now, slip the bikini into his laundry. Oh, that's good,

It's good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good. Okay, now say, hey, pretty boy, you wear that to

the beach or just around the house?

Hey, pretty boy, you wear that to the beach or just around the house?

Just like Mars.

What do I say? What do I say? Okay, now say, yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.

You look more like the frilly, lacy type.

I guess you're right.

so hard, I'm going to wet my pants.

All right, Sal, look, you tell this guy that that was a lucky shot, and I bet

you couldn't do it again. Go ahead.

I don't think I should say that, Johnny. Sal, you're killing the bit.

Oh, okay, Johnny, I wouldn't want to kill the bit.

That was a lucky shot.

I bet you couldn't do it again.

I bet you couldn't do that again.

Hey, Sal!

In a minute, Sal.

Oh, Johnny.

I think something's busted.

Look, I want you to tell him for me.

With your face, you look like you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Really? Say it. Go on.

Please,

please, sir.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but... Yeah? With your face, you look

you went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Actually, I stopped him in the living room.

Huh? I'm Evander Holyfield.

Evander Holyfield?

Okay, okay, bit's over, Sal.

Uh, but Johnny... Run!

Who are you talking to? Don't say anything!

Oh, all right, Johnny.

Johnny who?

Uh, Johnny Fiamma. He made me say all that stuff.

He did?

Yeah. I think I'd like to meet Johnny Fiamma. Okay, hey, hey, hey, good night,

everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Why don't you come back to the station with me?

Ma, lock the front door. I'm coming through the back.

Oh, I can show you Johnny's house.

I like that.

Boy,

I'm sure glad we're up here.

Why is that?

Because after seeing that, I really need a lift.

We're going to go out on that joke?

No, we're going out on this one.

That looks like fun.

Good evening, ma 'am. I was told that Gianni Fiamo lives here.

Oh, no,

Gianni don't live here no more.

He find a nice Italian girl and he move to China.

If he come back, tell me Evander Holyfield is looking for him. Oh, okay,

Evander, but I don't think I ever gonna see him again.

Bye -bye, my child. Who's that at the door, Gianni?

What are you doing in my dress?

Ma, not now. You dress like a girl.

We could work in a department store.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Ooh,

that felt good.

Next.

What, have you got a carburetor problem?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0