Original subtitles

Now, baby, you don't understand.

No, no, I can't come home early.

No, no, we got Rick Moranis on the show.

Not now. Will you stop bugging me?

Oh, no, no, no, not you, baby.

But you haven't even heard our idea, sweetie.

I'm not talking to you, shrimp.

No, no, no, I wasn't calling you a shrimp, baby.

Then why are you calling me baby?

Well, maybe he's calling me baby.

Oh. Pipe down, Dumbo.

No, no, no, not you, honey.

Oh, man.

I'm going to really pay for that later. Hey, Clifford, are you finished?

Now, what do you two want? Oh, well, we got a new act, Clifford. Yeah, yeah.

Seymour and Pepe. The amazing whippersnappers.

Yeah. Okay, okay. So how does it work? Oh, well, well, I hold up the big, melly

cigar in my mouth. Yeah, and then I whip it away with my boo whip.

One inch at a time. No more, no less.

Yeah. Okay, fellas, whip it.

Pepe Quills.

Get in that whipper crack.

Whoops. I think I whipped the wrong end.

Pepe! Pepe!

I think we got a few things to fix, okay?

It's Muppets Tonight with our very special guest star, Rick Moranis!

If you're a human being, take a break from the race. Take a load off your

wipe the look off your face. Got a lot to do, and we do it for you.

Everybody take your place.

Muppets tonight.

Tonight,

tonight.

We got a show for you, guaranteed brand new.

Okay, in five, four, three, two, one.

Welcome to Muppets Tonight with our special guest, Rick Moranis.

That's right, give it up. You know, Rick is known and loved for his family films

like Parenthood and Honey, I Strunk the Kids.

Oh, and don't forget Little Shop of Horrors. It's not a family film. You

know your movies.

You don't know my family.

Most folks don't know that Rick got his big break on a TV show he did with the

Muppets in the early 70s. Let's watch, shall we?

One purple, one green, one full -figured, the Muppet Oddwad.

Starring special guest star Little Ricky Moranis as Little Ricky Cool.

Man, we really stuck it to the establishment this time, huh?

That little student protest I organized left the bank wide open.

Come on, let's keep counting this bread.

One loaf, two loaves.

Are you dudes messing with my head?

Yeah, if you want us to mess, mess, mess.

Hey, just iron this hair. Cut it out.

Okay,

you psychedelic sicko.

Revolution called on account of the Muppet Odd Squad. Yeah, looks like the

went out of your flower, man.

Oh, man, this is turning into a bad trip.

You think this is a bad trip? Try driving to Yosemite with a car full of

Shut up!

You really sold out, Lint. You used to be one of us, and now you're part of the

establishment.

Now I'm going to make this short, because this oversized afro is killing

neck. But yes, I am a part of the establishment and proud of it. Proud to

of the working men, frogs, and full -figured pigs who live their lives in

daylight. Yeah, not in the blacklight.

Blacklight? Hey, let's groove!

All right,

enough grooving. Let's fight.

You don't get it, do you? You pigs will never catch up with Little Ricky Cool.

Oh, yes, we will.

Not you, pig. Those pig.

Well, so much for Little Ricky Cool. Let's go.

Don't you mean let Gugger? Right on.

Yeah.

There'll be plenty of time to shake your groove thing later.

What are you guys doing in the guest star's dressing room?

Oh, Clifford, we were just looking for Mr. Rick Moranis. Well, last time I saw

him, he was walking his dog.

He has a dog? What kind?

I think it's a whippet.

It's a whippet.

Whippet girl.

Now, what do you need Rick for?

We need his advice. You see, Clifford, we're having a bit of a problem with our

latest invention, the micro -shrinkomatic machine.

Well, what's wrong with it?

Well, its effects are just a trifle inconsistent.

Hmm, watch.

Uh -oh.

Oh, man,

Dr. Dew!

Well, look on the bright side, Beaky Poo. At least one bottle of shampoo will

last you a very long time.

Yeah, Beaky, you can use pinhead and shoulders.

Everyone, team, get ready to cue the cow announcer in 3, 2, 1, cue!

And now, the makers of Movelteen, the brown -flavored drink you'll swear is

almost chocolate -like, are proud to bring you another exciting adventure of

Lash Holstein, Space Cow Dead!

Episode 26, How Now, Space Cow.

Excellent. Now on... All I need to do is get the deed to your plutonium ranch,

and I, Mu -Ing the Merciless, evil emperor of the planet Lactosia, will

the world!

You evil tyrant!

Stand back, boss. We're going to blow this safe to kingdom come.

What happened?

I just remembered. I left the dynamite in the car.

Idiot!

There, boss.

That ought to blow it sky high.

Well, it's about time.

Do it!

Where's the safe?

What's become of it?

It's on your head, boss.

Beautiful single ranch on a Dorothy bovine.

Now that I have the deed to your ranch, this plutonium ore mine of yours is

mine. What?

Your ore mine is my ore mine.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Look, you have a mine, correct?

Yes. And it contains plutonium ore.

Plutonium ore what?

Ah!

Eat that, Lash Holstein Space Gaudette. What are you doing here?

I'm here to take back that deed, Mewing. Ha! Over my boiled brisket, you will?

Get him, Bart!

You're dead meat, Holstein. Actually, I'm red meat.

Well, better dead than red. Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah?

Tune in next time, same cow time, same cow channel, for another recurring

episode of Less Holstein Space Cow Death!

You know what's sad?

What's that? I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch this dumb show.

Neither can I.

Hi, guys. Mind if we join you?

I just thought of something.

Here, sit down. Please, make yourself comfortable. How nice you look today.

Hey, guys.

Hello, Rick Marana. Hey, can I ask you something?

You know the medley I'm doing later in the show, the salute to late 50s

crooners, obscure British bands, and Bill Withers? I was wondering, which

sweater do you think would work better? The pullover or the cardigan? Well,

let's see. The cardigan has a pericomo feel, but the pullover screams Johnny

Mathis. Johnny Mathis! Johnny Mathis!

I'll go with the cardigan. Oh, Rick Moranis.

You are such a humorful man.

We will never be big stars like you.

going to give a show to a couple of cooks like, uh... Well, wait a second,

There's an idea right there.

Why don't you do a cooking show?

In fact, I'd be honored to be the first celebrity guest.

But what if we don't have what it takes?

See? Well, all you need is a positive attitude and high hopes.

Let me tell you a little story.

You have to? I'm afraid so.

Once there was a little old ant and thought he'd move.

Ah! What'd you do that for?

There was an ant on the table. I smashed it. It was a musical ant. He was there

for the song.

Oh.

Sorry.

Where was it?

That ant had high hopes. That dead ant had high hopes. Before you smashed him,

he had high apple pie in the sky. I get it. High hopes. Anytime we're feeling

low. Instead of letting go. Just remember that ant. Yeah.

Whoops, there goes another ambulance.

Whoops, there goes another ambulance. Whoops, there goes another ambulance.

Ambulance, Ant.

You know, Pepe, Rick is right. If we do this cooking show, we can finally get

out of this humdrum, meaningless existence and be somebody.

Yes, Seymour. From now on, it's you and me calling the shots. And as God is my

witness, we'll never have to cook again.

Well, except on the cooking show.

What? Why's that?

Oh, skip it.

Oh, this is a weird place.

Thank you.

July 2nd, they arrive.

July 3rd, they attack.

July 4th, they begin therapy.

Well, tell me, Meepzorp, why did you want to blow up Earth? Because you

humans never listened to our needs.

Now, now, now.

Let's try to talk this through.

How do you feel about what MeepSorps just said, Mr. President?

Well, first of all, ask him why the aliens never told us what they wanted.

just came and blew up the White House. Hey, people cheered. Just the

Republicans. And the Perot people.

Leave Perot out of this. He's one of us.

And then ask him why they blew up New York, Los Angeles, Moscow, London. Well,

think blowing up those cities was really just MeepSorps' way of acting out his

inner anger.

Oh, fine, fine.

Make me... Me the bad guy.

Oh, gotta go. My ride's here.

Always gotta go. My ride's here. Always. Just when we're getting somewhere.

Ask him why that is.

Coming soon.

Codependence Day.

This time, it's interpersonal.

That's right, baby.

Yeah, the show's half over. I'll be home soon. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, man.

Good job.

Hey, thanks. You know, I turned down Third Rock for this.

Well, we all make mistakes.

Good point.

What was that?

No, honey.

No, I can't tell you what's happening on Space Cow Dats. No, baby.

No, no, you got to watch the show.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. You got to watch... Hey!

Hey, knock it off, you two. Who do you think you are? A band of holy cow?

Oh, come on, baby.

It wasn't that bad a joke.

I guess it was.

Hey, Kermit. Oh, hi, Rick. I gotta tell you, I've done a lot of TV shows and

movies, but I've never seen a fruit basket the likes of which you guys got

Oh, really? Yeah. Look at that thing.

It's beautiful.

Of course, I think, you know, it might clog up my Juice Buddy 2000, but it's

thought. Thanks.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Ooh.

Well.

I think we need to make a few minor adjustments to the micro -shrink -o

machine, Vicky.

Oh, don't worry, Vicky.

We'll get around to fixing your head.

Eventually.

Okay, stand by the announcer for the conclusion of Space Scout. That's

Could you get me an apple?

Oh, Eugene.

Thank you!

And now, another exciting episode of Lash Holstein Space Scout.

They'll never hear you. They've got at least another hour left in that fight.

Now, get in that ship. I'm taking you back to Lactosia, where you will become

my bride.

Mother!

Move along!

Flooded it. Violence!

Where are those intergalactic jumper cables?

Dorothy,

which one of these is positive?

I'll never tell you. Never!

Oh, good grief.

Hey, farm person!

Would you give me a jump start?

Forget that. I don't give junk duck cows.

Especially ones wearing sissy capes.

This cape belonged to my father, Hazel, the well -accessorized.

Hazel?

Hazel.

I'm about to kick your sweet acidophilus right out of this galaxy, buddy.

Look out, Lash. He's got a ray gun.

Look out.

We're going to crash.

Next week, join Lash Holstein and his dairy devils for another pasteurized

adventure of Lash Holstein.

How dare!

Boy, that show was bad.

I wonder whatever happened to those cows.

Hear your states?

No. It couldn't be. Why not?

Because these are well done.

Muppet Classic Theater presents Howard Tubman in Boar's Head Revisited.

Apple butter and apple butter ability.

Oh! Oh, Carter, I eat entirely too much apple butter. I'll go fetch another jar,

sir. Oh!

I've just noticed I'm entirely too fat.

Carter, I want you to take this last jar of apple butter and hide it. And no

matter how much I beg, don't tell me where it is.

Promise? Promise indeed, sir. Oh, thank you. All righty. Go ahead.

Hide away.

Jimmy crack corn and I don't care.

Jimmy crack corn.

Is it hidden?

Yes, sir.

Good.

All right, where is it?

You made me promise not to tell you, sir.

Well, I changed my mind. Tell me. Come on. I'm afraid I can't tell you, sir.

Then I'll just tear this place apart if I have to.

Carter, tear this place apart.

Very good, sir.

Okay.

Say, you're a...

You're not avoiding the place where you hid the apple butter, are you, Carter?

It hadn't occurred to me, sir.

Okay.

Okay,

okay, okay, okay.

You win, Carter.

You don't have to tell me where the apple butter is.

Shame, though.

I was going to give you your first day off in 40 years.

I taped it to the small of your back, sir.

Really?

Isn't that clever?

Okay, okay, grab it, would you, Carter?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I have the rest of the day off.

What? Good night, sir.

No, no, the, uh, just grab the apple butter here.

Carter.

Carter, did... I'll get it myself tonight.

No.

Okay.

Samba.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Rick? Yeah, Kerm. I wanted to thank you personally for

allowing me to do my salute to the late 50s crooners, obscure British bands, and

Bill Withers. Yeah, but Rick, we canceled that number.

What? I hear you're guesting on Seymour and Pepe's cooking show instead.

But I thought I could do both.

But we don't have enough time for both.

The only reason I'm on this show is because of that medley.

Okay, I'll see what I can do, Rick. Well, I'm going to call my agent.

Te amo.

Te amonenes.

William Morris is creative artist.

Morty, how could you let this happen? Can I be honest with you, Rick? Between

you and me, all things being equal, I wasn't listening.

I'm on a conference call right now. What's the problem? They cut the medley.

what medley? The medley I was supposed to do in the show.

I didn't make the deal. I was on a conference call like I am now. I had to

in your lawyer.

Ha, ha, ha. What's the matter with you, baby?

Phil, you gotta help me out here.

Oh, ha, ha, ha. Just leave that little frog to me.

Mm -hmm. Hi, all.

Oh, little one.

We hear you canceled Rick's number.

Oh, yeah, we had to. There's not enough time left in the show.

He's playing hardball with us, Rick. We'll play hardball back.

Oh, right.

Permit. Either our client performs his number or we'll make it rain frogs for

seven days and seven nights.

Oh, good.

A family reunion. That'll be fun.

Okay, okay, all right. How about this? How about this? A plague of locusts upon

your people.

Locusts? Yummy.

This guy's tough, Rick. He's very shrewd. Forget it. I'll handle it

We've still got our ten percent.

Yeah, you're second born. Whichever comes first.

Thank you.

Thank you so much. Thank you. Hello.

Hello, and welcome to our very own cooking show.

Yeah. Richard.

Hi.

I'm Seymour. I'm Pepe. Our guest is Rick Moranis. We hope you like our cooking

show. So Kermit does not can us. Ta -da.

Tonight, we are going to make a delicacy enjoyed in many of the finest

restaurants in the world. That gourmet treat, bread.

And to show us how to make bread, here's our guest celebrity cook, Rick Morales.

Hey,

it's so fab to be here on Hey, What Smells.

What kind of a name is that?

Oh, no, no, no, no. It's Hey, What Smells So Good.

It's time to cook with Seymour and Pepe.

But the letters were too big, so that's all we can fit on the sign, okay? Well,

what the heck. You know, the real way to make boss bread is with plenty of

yeast. And while we're waiting for the dough to rise, I'd like to say that...

Through the years, there have been a lot of great singers.

Here's a little tribute to the golden throats of days gone by.

Is this enough yeast?

No, no, Rick said plenty of yeast.

I'm leaning on the lamppost on the corner of the street in case a certain

lady goes away, little girl.

Goes away, little girl.

You're hurting me more each minute.

That you delay.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

Here we come again.

Catch us if you can.

Time to get a move on. We're going out of our way, little girl.

Comb your hair, fix your makeup.

I saw the light shine from a window.

And I know, I know, I know, I know.

Don't worry, we'll help you. Beaker, power on.

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

No, no, no. You ruined the recipe.

Hold on, honey. You're not going to believe what just happened to Pepe.

Let's pray.

work a shrinking machine, Bunsen?

You gotta set it to maximum Banfield width.

What does that mean?

Turn this sucker up.

Oh.

Well,

I guess I might as well sing the medley again.

I'm leaning on the lamppost on the corner of the street in case a certain

lady goes away, little girl.

Goes away a little girl.

Hey, Clifford. Yeah, Rick. I had a swell time. I got you a little something.

And if you don't mind, I'm going to keep the cardigan. Gary, I'll call you next

week about the roast.

Beautiful, Ricky.

Yeah, thanks, Rick. And thanks for the present.

Hey, baby, Rick Moranis just left me with a present.

All in all, Clifford, I think the cooking show is a success, don't you

I got a small problem here, baby. But it's a big small problem.

That's always the way. Just when we're getting somewhere, he has to leave.

I seem to have melded to the knocker hide.

Oh, God, yes.

Now all I have to do is get the deed to your plutonium ranch.

And I, Mu -Ing, evil emperor of the world, Lactosia...

What the... Okay, okay, okay.

And I, Mu -Ing, the merciless, evil... It's okay, we'll get

it. Evil emperor of the vast black... What the...

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