Original subtitles

(dramatic acoustic guitar music)

- We started our affair

as strangers with parameters.

The rules were we would always meet in a hotel room.

There would be no invited guests.

We would act out one of my fantasies.

We would not speak in-between.

We would last forever.

I'm married, you know.

I have a son.

- [Mark] That's okay.

- I don't have money, if that's what you want.

- [Mark] No.

- You don't carry guns, do you?

- [Mark] No.

- What kind of drugs do you like?

- Vodka and Percodan.

- Any sexually transmitted diseases

or mental insanity in your family?

- No.

- Do you have a record?

Any incarcerations?

- No.

- What sign are you?

- Gemini.

You?

- Libra, eternal imbalance.

When's the last time you had sex?

- Probably last week, and you?

- Probably right before I left home.

- Let's order something.

- Do you love your mother?

- What's with all the shit about

love already, Jesus Christ.

My mom's dead.

Steak, medium rare please.

And some french fries.

- Are you serious about having this affair?

- Absolutely.

We'll have hedonistic sex during

the genesis of sexual recession in the '90s.

- No struggle for power, just pleasure?

- You afraid?

'Cause you're free to leave.

- I'm nervous.

- Tell me a fantasy.

- A secret fantasy?

I don't think so.

- Come on.

Just one fantasy.

- I guess I've...

Always wanted to be overpowered.

Dominated.

- Take off your sweater.

Come here.

Come here.

(upbeat Latin dance music)

There you go, how's that?

- Stop it, stop it!

- Say cock-a-doodle-doo.

- Let me go.

- Say cock-a-doodle-doo.

- Let me go!

- Say cock-a-doodle-doo!

- Let me go!

- Say cock-a-doodle-doo!

(laughs)

- No!

- Wow.

- You prick, you testosterone-infested,

animalistic pig prick punk!

I'm a lady, you hear what I say?

I'm a lady, you prick!

(moaning)

- Deeper, deeper.

Oh god.

Deeper, good!

You like it!

(laughs)

(sensual bass guitar music)

- How dare you know what I like.

- Thank you very much.

(knocking)

- [Diane] Room service!

- Would you like some dinner?

- [Diane] Room service!

Good evening, I'm Diane.

I'll be your server tonight.

- Well hello there, Diane.

- Thank you very much.

Goodnight.

- I've changed my mind.

I don't wanna be dominated by you.

- Sure you do, baby.

Come eat.

Tell me a story.

- What am I, Entertainment Tonight?

(dramatic piano music)

When I was a little girl,

I was riding down a really steep hill and I hit

some soft sand and it twisted the front wheel

and I flipped over the handlebars.

I still have the scar.

- Show me.

Awww.

- Anyway, it began to bleed profusely.

So I left the bike, went back to the picnic.

When my daddy saw me, and he picked me

up and he carried me in his arms.

He laid me down on the kitchen table.

The blood had soaked through to my panties,

so he pulled those down and my shorts down.

And I looked up.

And I saw all the boys in the neighborhood watching me.

Their faces were very, very serious.

One of them reached out to touch.

My dad saw them and yelled at them and they all ran away!

So anyway, I had to go to the hospital.

I had to get stitches, tetanus shot.

Everything.

Those boys tormented me for a long time after that.

- Think of how they felt seeing their first pussy.

I'm sure you loved it.

- Cock-a-doodle-do!

(bluesy harmonica music)

- The controversial art installation

The Dinner Party, by Judy Chicago, was called

weird and pornographic sexual art today by Congress.

The Dinner Party, first premiered in

San Francisco in 1979, was received by

audiences both vehemently for it and against it.

- [Mark] You look great.

- No, wait.

Let's talk a minute.

- No.

No religion, no politics.

- And wage the Senate war on men.

- Tonight.

- Wait!

What the hell are you on?

- Whore!

- Hey, back off.

Nice weather we're having.

How about those Rockies?

Fading away?

- [Mark] Why are you here if you're not a whore?

Whore!

- Whore is getting paid for work you don't wanna do.

- Whore!

Say it.

Say you are my whore.

- No, I am not a whore.

Certainly not your whore!

- You nasty, nasty, beautiful whore.

(moaning)

You are here for my hate.

Tell me how hot you are for me.

(moaning)

(laughs)

- Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- You are my whore.

- You can't do this to me.

It's such a violation of...

Men are pigs and they deserve to die!

My stakes are way too high, baby!

I'm not coming here for this!

- You like the rough stuff, don't you?

- No I don't!

You do!

- No I don't, you do!

- No you do!

- No you do!

- You do!

- You do.

- You!

- You.

- You got some twisted ideas there, Johnny.

It's hard enough to prove ourselves to women.

But not half as hard as trying to prove ourselves to men.

- Proving.

Why do you women always have to be proving something?

You all suffer from constant identity crisis.

- You got a lot of nerve there, Johnny.

Considering you just screwed me upside down.

I'd say you have something to prove.

- Don't get me wrong, women are

fantastic creatures, they're cunning,

they're smart, they're beautiful.

They should go fight our wars for us,

the enemy wouldn't stand a chance.

- I wouldn't go that far.

Find a way for babies to be born from

penises, we'll create a whole new world order.

- What, are you leaving again?

- Yes.

- Shall I take the room next time?

- Do you wanna see me again?

- Yes.

- Then have some manners.

And don't ever call me a whore.

(rock music)

- Went over to his desk to get the Coke, looked at

the can and asked who has put pubic hair on my Coke.

And he also spoke on some occasions of the

pleasures he had given to women with oral sex.

- Have you ever been with a woman?

- I once had a girlfriend, Michelle, in New York.

She liked me to call her Mickey.

One day she asked me to be monogamous.

It was like I was stun gunned,

I stood in front of her frozen.

I mean although we were lovers, I had

never considered monogamy for one millisecond.

I like men, I like their predictability.

Anyway, gay marriage has contributed to

the socio-breakdown of the American family,

I mean how can anybody be a life partner?

Why should the insurance companies decide?

I knew I wanted a child, but I couldn't

rationalize not getting him or her a father.

- Women do it all the time, men too.

- How absolutely liberal of you.

Are you advocating gay parenting?

(coughing)

- No, no I'm not.

- Would Matthew be gay if he were raised

by Mickey and I, is that the very gay

point, to densify the gay population by

rearing gay young, I mean is it a conspiracy?

Gay's a sexual preference, not a gender.

I liked it all better when we were

in the closet, it makes more sense.

Sexuality belongs in the bedroom.

Not on the ballot.

- I think homosexuality is a learned behavior, a choice.

- Homo meaning man is genetic and

therefore repairable by science.

- Then why did you leave Mickey?

- I grew intolerant.

Women are too high maintenance.

- So where is she now?

- Thompson Square Park.

I left town.

I got married again and had a baby.

Very reactionary.

- Oh like a good Catholic girl, marriage number two.

(coughs)

- Hello, yes, I'd like a small

submissive Asian girl that goes both ways.

I have cash.

Bugger all, they hung up.

Here, you go ahead, try.

- Hello?

How you doing?

It's Mark.

Can I get a big, fat, fun black girl?

No, it's the same credit card.

Putting me through.

- Hang up the phone.

- Say please.

- Hang up the dang phone!

- Say please.

- You hang up the phone!

- Say please cock-a-doodle-doo!

- Hang up the phone.

(laughter)

- Very funny, Miss I had A Girlfriend in New York.

- Was Long Dong Silver.

(dramatic jazzy music)

- Freedom for the lower class.

LA, rioting, racism, liberalism.

How do you people live in this city?

Look at this.

- We exist.

Rodney King was drunk and resisted arrest.

- Oh please, the LAPD stinks of racism.

I mean don't tell me that you advocate police brutality.

- Please, $1 billion and fires and looting,

what is their political statement?

What is their point?

- Life has become expendable.

I mean they can't see a future.

I mean it's like, it's pretty sad.

Blunt, blow, break, beat.

Live large.

Fresh flag flew by, fat five Freddy.

- I hope you are pro choice.

- No!

My sister is an organizer for Operation Rescue on Buffalo.

I mean no death penalty either.

You still on the pill?

- (mumbles) 7-7-7, my preventative

estrogen stabilizer and anti-ovulation pill.

She's gotta have have it.

- Well let me get some of that triple 7 to work.

Cock-a-doodle-do!

- Cock-a-doodle-do!

Woo!

- [Mark] Get in the tub.

Take it all over you.

(urinating)

- [Petra] It really feels good.

I like it.

I like it.

- Slick Willy!

He won't last one term in Congress with those experience.

Come on, roll on your jeans.

- No, I can't go out.

We don't go out, you and I.

That's the deal.

- Come on, I'm restless.

I wanna go out.

- We're making a mistake.

We'll turn to stone or something.

- Trust me.

- About as far as I could throw you maybe.

- We trust each other don't we?

- Now you're lying.

Men don't trust women that cheat on their husbands.

- It's you and me, babe.

Come on.

- This shoots the hell out of the

romantic existential novel that I had in my head.

Let's stay here.

You get all possessive out there.

It'll change it.

- Let's go, Buckwheat!

- Oh I'm telling you, we don't exist out there!

This is our reality, these walls here!

- Come on, we'll have some fun.

- I think we're making a mistake, I don't have any cash.

- You don't need any cash.

- I can't find my lipstick.

- Well I got chap stick.

- And my name is Suzy!

We're making a mistake.

(loud rumbling)

You call this going out?

Did you see that hooker on the street?

I thought this was gonna be fun.

- [Cat Lady] Oh!

Oh!

(dramatic ethereal music)

Oh!

Oh!

(electropop beat)

(electrical buzzing)

(meowing)

- I love this ecstasy.

(meows)

- No.

Come on.

Thank you.

- You angry?

You are.

- About you being a muff diver?

Of course not.

- You're jealous.

Should I be sorry?

- Don't ever be sorry.

I can handle it.

(door closes)

That girl needed to be fucked.

- That girl needed some tenderness.

- She needed to be fucked!

(laughs)

- Have you ever been in love before?

- Yeah, I have.

- Ha, you don't know anything about it, do you?

- I know Venus, Diana, Aphrodite.

What do you know about it?

- You know Greek mythology.

Good boy.

- I love my brother.

- Masculine love, it's so generic.

- Cynic.

All the time, cynic!

(chuckles)

Let's try and keep things in perspective here.

We are having an affair.

Sex, adultery, fantasy.

You want to fantasize about love?

Well go ahead, but don't hurt yourself.

- We are having a string of one night stands, Johnny.

An affair has a romantic air to it.

One night stands, baby.

- Leaving again?

- It's 4 AM.

I have to work tomorrow.

- Good luck.

- One night stands, Johnny.

- You know, I bought a townhouse in the presidio.

- Oooh.

- You should come visit.

- Sure thing.

Call me at the office.

- [Mark] No, you call me.

- No, you call me.

- No you!

- No you!

- You!

- You!

(laughs)

I went to his place.

We took it out of the box.

Burst the bubble.

I don't recommend it.

Keep it existential, keep the bubble.

Make it your religion.

(dramatic acoustic guitar music)

I feel so distorted here.

I love that bridge.

- So what fate brings you to me this weekend?

- It's against canon law to believe

in the predetermination of life.

- Ah, rhetoric.

I live alone as you can see.

- Hairdryers and sex toys all tucked away.

- Are you happy?

- What are we, in a goofy movie?

Goofy goofy, happy happy!

Hyuck!

- Don't be so cynical.

- Content, I am content.

I have a beautiful son.

Just beautiful.

A job that only gets better.

And you.

I have you a few times a year.

Content, not happy.

- It's always semantics with you huh?

- Happiness is too abstract for me, Johnny.

I'm feeling terribly guilty being here.

But I'm not comfortable here in reality

with you, it's too artificially real.

Those dishes are your Italian dishes,

they have blue flowers on them.

These etchings, these are your etchings.

Your choice.

Your window, this is your window.

You've looked out this window a thousand times alone.

With a thousand other women.

It's your window, your view.

Your bed.

I don't wanna sleep in your bed.

- Now come on, you're talking like a scared little girl.

Tell me something.

Tell me what you believe in.

- In knowledge and freedom!

And you?

- I believe in money, and the power it creates.

I believe in beauty and the cock and the cunt.

And in family.

I believe in family. (phone rings)

Excuse me.

Hello?

Oooh, hi there.

No I can't tonight.

No, not tomorrow either.

I can't.

Okay, sweetie.

All right, okay, bye.

- You exist by your own rules.

I can't imagine what that's like.

- You're romanticizing my solitude.

Don't.

It's lonely.

(dramatic piano music)

Let's make tonight all about...

Petra.

Just Petra.

Let's pretend that we are in love.

That's our fantasy tonight.

(glass shatters)

I'm here for you, sweetie.

Come on.

Let's get this off of you.

I'm all yours tonight.

Isn't that what you want?

- My fantasy of being the best among many is shattered!

Here tonight.

(laughter)

- I'll give you everything you want tonight.

- Liar.

Don't screw with my head.

- Pretend you love me.

(moans)

- You don't wanna love me.

- Just say you love me.

- No, I'm a cock-a-doodle-do (mumbles).

- Say it.

(dramatic acoustic guitar and piano music)

Look me in the eye and say it.

Will you?

Say you love me.

- I love you.

10 times to Jupiter.

And back again.

I'm divorced, Mark.

I got divorced.

- Insanity or disillusionment?

- I can't make love to him.

I can't even kiss him.

- Can't you fake it?

What the hell happened?

I thought you didn't want things to change.

- I didn't want things to change.

I didn't wanna say goodbye to you, so I said goodbye to him.

Very selfish.

Really gotta stop thinking with my crotch.

(vomits)

- [Mark] You seeing anyone?

- My shrink.

- Come on, on your knees, you'll feel better.

- You're such a pig.

- Oh come on, you haven't even kissed me.

Snap out of it.

- I don't feel sexy.

- You're single now.

Petra and the single women.

- What a repulsive thought.

- Single in the 90s, would you like

safe sex with one glove or with two?

- Or between rounds.

You know what I like about us.

- My plumbing.

- Our kinetic fusion, no past,

no future, no identity, oblivion.

But not tonight.

- Hey, you're only supposed to like me a little.

I'm your Johnny.

How's the weather, remember?

- I'm going.

- Hey hey hey hey, not so fast.

Come on, what can I do to make you feel better?

- Tell me a story.

- Ugh.

Look at that, I paid $75 for this fight.

Okay, okay.

When I was a kid, I hitched up from Texas.

I was leaving home, leaving town.

I went to this bar and I met this guy named Ricky.

And Ricky said that he could get me a job

in San Francisco and I could live with him.

I was pretty proud of myself,

as you know, I was leaving home.

I was 17 and I was leaving my girl, my mom, my room.

So I hitched for days and days.

Finally I got a ride to California Street.

When I got there, I got on the phone and I called Ricky.

Well damn, Ricky had left town.

No address, no number.

No job.

So I didn't have enough money for a hotel room.

I walked up to Golden Gate Park, way up that hill.

And I saw the breathless, majestic beauty

of the San Francisco bay, the city.

I felt like I was part of a painting.

I felt a cosmic connection.

Then I was thinking of bright ideas about my future.

These three guys...

Attacked me.

They sodomized me.

Never had a stronger desire for my body.

(dramatic piano music)

- I'm so sorry.

- Forget it.

I didn't mean to get emotional.

Can we watch the fight?

Eight months, Petra.

Eight months.

I mean what's with all the small talk?

If you didn't wanna see me, why didn't you just say so?

- You look successful.

- Actually I'm engaged.

I gave this girl a ring and I guess we're gonna get married.

- Very nice.

She pregnant?

- She's not pregnant.

- My how things change.

You know, I'm heavy aren't I?

I can't stop eating.

- You look great.

- He lied.

- Petra, don't give me guilt.

Come on, I can't be single and

living in San Francisco all my life.

- Maybe you're latently homosexual.

Have you ever looked into other

cities that embrace single men?

- Come on, let's be nice.

Hey, any kinky sex lately?

- No.

No.

- I'm only getting married.

- You know, the institution of marriage is highly overrated.

- You know, hey.

- Born alone, die alone.

Mark, I want you to be happy.

Everybody deserves that.

(knocking)

Pet, Pet, are you there?

Pet!

Pet!

- Are you gonna hide?

- Hell no.

- I'm answering the door.

Finally!

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Sorry, sorry I can't stay.

I just need the Bolex.

- How you doing man, I'm Mark.

- Nice, nice.

- Thanks.

- Okay, goodnight.

Nice meeting you.

Hey, my mom's in town if you wanna see her.

- All right, sure, call me.

- You look good today.

- Thanks.

(chuckles)

You just met ex-husband number two.

- You...

To him?

- You don't approve?

- Should I, ex number two?

- You would definitely not approve of ex number one.

He's a very wealthy, very reclusive megalomaniac.

- Ex number one, ex number two,

will there be an ex number three, pick a door.

- Are you looking for the grand prize?

- Is that a twisted proposal?

- No darling, just making sure

you're not in line with a number.

(baby crying)

- What was that?

- That?

You mean she.

That's Mary.

Come here.

(gentle acoustic guitar music)

I had a baby.

Her name's Mary.

(baby cooing)

Do you hate me for not telling you?

- Yeah I do.

She's beautiful.

I'm gonna get going.

How the hell did that happen?

Am I understanding you right that the

last time I saw you, you were pregnant?

- Actually yes.

- Oh actually yes.

That's what I fucking hate about

women, they are never actual.

"Actually yes."

Actually yes you were pregnant the last time I saw you?

You coward.

I'm leaving.

Oh.

Here's the...

Aw forget it.

- Please don't, I rented some sexy movies.

- Damn!

Damn Dow Corning!

I had my money on silicon breasts for the past two years?

Beautiful thing, those silicon titties.

Now Dow Corning goes bankrupt.

- [Mark] Put your money in

(mumbles) Communications, trust me.

- No no no, if I'm gambling, I'm gambling in Vegas.

I like a calculated loss.

- Get the hell outta here.

No seriously, would you get the hell outta here?

- Hello Johnny.

Who's this?

(mumbles) up early?

- Hi baby.

Or go to the (mumbles) or something,

see if Kato's holding court on the Unabomber.

Get outta here.

- No no no, who is this?

- Petra.

Should I know you?

- Probably not, I'm Chris.

Would you like a drink?

- No no no.

Would you like a drink?

- Thank you.

Straight up.

Hey Mark?

I didn't know you lined up ladies

when you came down, eh pal.

- I don't.

Petra meet Chris, Chris, Petra.

She's a very good friend.

- I'm sure she is.

(chuckles)

I'm sure she is.

I'd like to have a very good friend like her.

But I'm married, so that makes me safe.

Why don't you come over here, Petra.

- [Mark] Hey Chris, get dressed.

- How you know Mark, or "Johnny" as you like to call him?

- We met at a Halloween party actually.

- Would you like to make me another drink?

- [Mark] You wanna kiss him?

- Oh yeah.

- [Mark] Go ahead.

- You're exquisite.

Open your mouth again.

- Okay stop, stop kissing.

It's over.

- It's okay, it's okay, I'll pay man.

You'll pay for half, she's fine.

- She is not a whore!

- Are you crazy man, I said I'll pay.

- Sorry man, but I asked you to leave.

- [Chris] You imbibe much?

- Yeah I did.

Still got the lock of downtown.

- Had a fight last summer, you

should've come, I beat Garcia.

Remember him?

Used to date his sister?

Knocked him out in the fourth

round, the best spot I ever had.

- Yeah, well sorry I missed it.

You're a good fighter, but it's gonna kill you.

Go home to your wife.

Get out of here, Chris.

- Maybe we can get in a ring together someday, huh?

- Yeah, maybe someday.

Sorry man, I don't know what came over me.

Say hi to dad and Gino all right?

- Yeah.

- You all right man?

- Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it.

- Well that was some display of permissiveness.

I'm telling him you're not a whore

and you're acting like one!

- "Dad?"

You let me kiss your brother!

I knew you wanted to push our sexual

limits, but it's practically incest.

- Don't be absurd!

Do you realize that I haven't been with

another woman in six months besides Wendy and you?

- Congratulations, records being broken

as we speak, do you feel some sort of guilt

for just having sex with only two women?

- You got two ex-husbands, a child.

That's big baggage, and now you're

over here screwing around with my brother?

- Time out, you tricked me!

I did that for you.

For us.

- I rest my case.

You were married and you cheated.

You got a girlfriend in New York

waiting for you to be monogamous.

You're a super freak.

You know that don't you, super freak?

I need somebody to be my own.

- "My own," did you hear what you said?

"My own?"

Your own what?

- I'm not getting caught up in semantics with you again.

- Have a drink, "my own?"

Why don't you just start pounding

your chest and have a banana?

(monkey noises)

Your brother is a great kisser.

(monkey noises) (upbeat acoustic guitar music)

- That feels so good.

- [Petra Voiceover] Sometimes the world just melted away.

I love that state of not existing in the real world.

Only right here, only right now.

We continued to experiment.

My personal favorite was chocolate creams.

(moaning)

That's good chocolate.

So when is your wedding day?

- Don't be like that!

Don't be that matter-of-fact with me!

- What's wrong, Mark?

Please tell me.

What's wrong?

- I can't love you!

And you can't understand that about me!

- I want to understand.

- My mother was a whore!

And she loved me so much.

And I never told her that I loved her.

So you tell me!

You tell me how I can love you if I never loved her!

- You can baby, you can love me.

It's all right.

You can love me like your brother.

(sobbing)

- I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

(Spanish radio broadcast)

- For opening your mail?

You broke your engagement because she opened your mail?

Now that's cold.

- Well yeah, she opened my mail.

Is that allowed in marriage?

I could never do that.

- Mmmhm.

- Isn't it against the law?

Now she won't give me back the diamond I gave her.

- Good for her.

Emily Post would say the same thing.

You've been engaged for what, a year now?

Guess you're back on the singles market again.

- Yeah, but I want the ring back.

I mean I paid 20 grand for it.

Remind me never to give you anything.

- I don't want anything except your blood.

Has she moved out?

- Yeah, she's gone.

Your move.

- I mean don't feel bad.

Shane's new girlfriend's 19 years old.

That's 10 years younger than he and 20 years younger than I.

Your move.

- Are you 39?

You're 39?

Bad move.

- I thought it would be.

You'll be 39 too someday.

If you live that long.

But you'll lie about your age.

How you like my tattooed eyeliner?

- Tattooed?

Don't be tattooing your eye.

Nah, I mean they look good though.

You know, I suppose I will turn 39.

Someday.

How depressing.

- Woo, doubles, yeah!

I'm winning now.

One roll of my dice and your world tilts.

Your move.

You need to get lucky!

- I got lucky when I met you, Buckwheat.

- Yes you did.

Good move.

Two lost souls (mumbles).

- Year after year.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Zombies!

(doorbell rings)

("We Wish You A Merry Christmas" melody)

- Mark?

Matthew, was someone at the door?

- [Matthew] Si, mama.

(laughs)

Hello, darling.

Come in.

(coughs)

You okay?

Matthew, come and shake hands with mama's friend Mark.

- Whenever I'm mad at something, (mumbles).

- Very good.

I mean I didn't mean like...

- Mom has her period (mumbles).

- Matthew, that's personal.

Have a seat, Matthew.

Have a seat.

Mickey will be here in a minute.

(doorbell rings)

- Merry Christmas!

How are you, baby?

- Merry Christmas.

- Ah.

- Mickey, Mark.

Mark, Mickey.

- My pleasure.

- Are you sure?

Here for a quickie?

- Yeah, you interested?

- No, sorry, wrong plumbing.

- Oh sorry, I thought you had a sex change.

- Cold.

- I think you shave your dick.

(laughs)

(speaks Spanish)

Okay, gotta put you down for a second.

Okay, adios!

- Okay.

All right.

- Let's see, he's had his medicine, he gets it again at 8.

- All right.

- His temperature's normal, they've had dinner.

I'm gonna pick them up at 1 o'clock tomorrow.

Gonna take Matthew to see Candeed at the Almond Center.

- Bye bye, Mark!

Handsome, let's go!

Gonna watch mutant ninjas!

Thank you for holding the door.

You're such a gentleman.

♪ Are you in love with me

♪ Are you in love with me

♪ Are you in love

♪ You watch me all the time

♪ All the time

♪ Do you think I'm pretty

♪ Are you in love

(dramatic piano music)

(rock music)

- You're supposed to hit me.

Now!

No, look me in the eye and hit me!

- Well you know that I always oblige you.

- Hit me in the face.

I deserve it.

- Baby, I'm not hitting you in the face, come on.

- Do it!

- There you go, you crazy freak.

- Do it again!

And mean it.

In the face, I said!

In the face!

- No.

- Suddenly your have a conscience.

- No.

- Why don't you just admit you hate women?

- I love women.

- Let me down, I need to talk to you.

- No!

- Timothy McVeigh.

Timothy McVeigh!

- No.

- I need to get down!

Let me go, Timothy McVeigh!

- What just happened?

- Mary's our daughter.

Your daughter.

I got pregnant that night in San Francisco.

I didn't lie--

- You never told the truth!

Now I want my daughter.

- Could you have even handled it?

Before I could've gotten the words out

of my mouth, you would have bellowed (mumbles).

- Well was it?

Is it, you liar?

- Of course not.

You think I'm crazy or something?

- You have some dirty sleeves, lady,

you deserve what you get and

you better have a good lawyer!

- Stop calling me lady.

- You better get your act together, lady.

You poor, selfish woman.

- Out.

Do you wanna get married to me?

- No.

(loud bang)

- [Petra Voiceover] Well we did it.

We got married.

But it was more like a funeral.

I thought it was the right thing to do.

So did Johnny.

Guess what?

Oh, ow!

Ow!

- What?

What?

- A piece of glass!

- Hold on.

- I'm bleeding.

- Yes, hi.

Could you send up a doctor and a chef please?

- I was on my way to ER, I got this emergency call.

Good evening.

What happened?

- There's glass in my soup.

- He bit his ear!

He bit his ear!

Did you see that?

- He did what?

You bit what?

- Impossible!

- He bit it?

- They stopped the fight.

- What an animal.

- You are the animal.

- This is my wedding day, for crying out loud.

- Oh it's not like you never had one

before, let me watch the fight.

Please, baby, please.

- Mark, show the chef the glass.

- Show me the glass.

- I thought you bit her.

(laughter)

- Please shut up.

- Where the hell is it?

I don't know.

- You had it.

- Perhaps you chipped a tooth.

- Are you calling me crazy?

- Look, you're under a great deal of stress.

- Mark!

- Just relax.

- Am I under stress?

- Yes.

Bite on this.

I don't see anything.

- You all see I'm bleeding from my mouth here?

- Yes, we do baby, now would you please calm down?

- Get out!

Get out!

- If you need further assistance, please call me.

- Any further assistance?

- I'll send up another steak on the house.

- Thank you, I won't eat it.

- Thank you for coming.

- Thank you.

(speaking foreign language)

- To you too.

- Thank you for coming.

Thank you for coming.

- "Thank you for coming?"

What are they, your guests?

- That was the most incredible

thing I've ever seen in boxing.

- Did I really just see you tip them?

- It's just money, Petra.

- Just money?

- Relax.

- Your so perfectly new money.

- I tipped the guys.

Now don't get personal.

- We're married, for Heaven's sake,

but nothing personal going on here.

- Don't tell me how to spend my money.

I suppose you wanna have sex now.

- I suppose you don't.

I cut my mouth.

I really did.

I'm sorry.

I hate weddings.

I hate weddings.

(sneezes)

- You want me to get you something?

- I need to eat.

I need to drink.

I need drugs.

- Well do you want a drink?

I mean they say have whiskey or something.

Shall I go to the store?

- No, no thank you.

I need a transfusion.

A lobotomy.

Codeine and panties please.

- Here, let me take your temperature.

- Don't you dare!

(laughter)

- I made you laugh.

- Get outta here.

- All right, I gotta get out for a while,

I'm gonna get the weekly (mumbles) for mama.

You want me to get you anything?

- Yes actually, OBs.

- OBs?

- Yeah.

- Actually, I don't think so.

- Aw man, I've got the curse.

What do you want me to do?

Hi honey.

Dig a hole and sit over it?

Don't worry, they'll come all clean and white in the box.

- On the shelf?

- Yes, on the shelf.

I use Super.

Can you handle it?

- Oh man.

This is sad.

Really sad.

(sneezes)

- [Perta Voiceover] We became annoyingly normal.

Like Erica Jong said, men and women, women and men.

It will never work.

I never wanted to believe that.

- I'll say one thing to the American people.

I want you to listen to me.

I did not have sexual relations

with that woman, Miss Lewinsky.

- Monica, Monica, Monica.

You know there was a time when

you'd pretty much do me anywhere.

Remember that stool I used to have for you?

Whatever happened to pressing the

sexual envelope during our genesis

of sexual recession in the 90s?

- (mumbles) an intern, would you

please not put that wet towel on the couch?

- What are you doing today?

- I'm doing it.

I downloaded The Star Report.

- My God, that's it!

(phone rings)

Hello?

Yes she is.

And you are?

Hang on.

Honey, it's Lars.

He called yesterday too.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- I'm telling you now.

(speaking German)

Monkey business?

- Don't be cynical.

- Well can't you get a message service or something?

I mean where's your cell phone, it is Sunday.

- I left it on the plane.

I knew it was only a matter of

time before you got time possessive.

- You should've brought Mary this weekend.

- I will not let her be our catalyst.

Look, she's having a sleepover at Mickey's okay?

I won't be here for dinner.

No.

- Whatever.

I'm hungry now!

I want to eat now!

- Whatever.

German consulate please.

(farts)

(coughs)

(burps)

Men are pigs and they deserve to die.

(dramatic piano music)

It's a tragedy to forget the passion.

Married with children.

Just what I ran from in the beginning.

Contained contempt.

There has to be more.

- No, cancel it.

Be there at 5:30, Terminal B?

Yeah, bring the leases.

Thanks.

Hi, baby.

- Hi.

- We now have an office in New York

at the World Trade Towers.

One floor beneath the secret service.

- Well dolce vita.

- Hi, can I get an iced latte, and a double

espresso for me, and egg white omelet.

Thanks a lot.

Damn Turks.

They've been fighting for 600 years.

Missiles aren't gonna stop them.

They're turning exile into genocide.

Goddamn press.

- Mark, I need a personal favor.

- Sure baby, anything.

- You know I love you right?

- In your own bombastic style.

- You're the only guy I try to understand.

- I'm not totally sure about that.

- I'm hoping you can help me out here and give me a divorce.

I'm dying on the vine.

- No you're not.

You're beautiful.

We have a beautiful child.

The answer's no.

I told you that in the beginning.

- I can't.

I just don't want to see you every

day, don't take it personally.

It spoils it, I don't wanna see anybody every day.

Can't we just call it off?

Mary's in grade school now and...

- Like a fight or a game.

Weather permit.

Call it off.

What, are you kidding me?

The answer's no, Petra.

- I was kidding, yeah.

No I wasn't.

I really wanna be on my own.

I've never really been on my own.

- Well that's a damn shame.

It's called desertion.

The answer's no, Petra.

- When's the last time you told a story?

- Ah, discovering each other.

Insatiable lust.

- I feel confined!

- Well you aren't.

- I itch all the time, my skin actually itches.

- Well then scratch it.

The answer is no.

Now don't ask me again.

You want some lunch?

- Don't you miss what we had during our tryst?

Didn't it feel right then?

- Yes.

It's different now.

Have some lunch.

- You're tired of me.

- No.

(dramatic piano music)

No I'm not.

You're my wife.

- I hate when you say that.

- Well you better like the way it sounds.

Grow up, Petra.

I'm not letting you off the hook.

- I'm not having anymore children.

- Fine, but you're gonna stay my wife.

- What is this, some sort of punishment?

I want out.

I want things the way they were.

- My God, we're married.

We got married in Las Vegas!

For God's sakes.

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

- I hate the slow burn.

I want combustion.

Fusion.

Remember?

- Yeah, well find it in your work.

(phone rings)

This is Mark.

(whistles)

(exotic dance music)

- Hello.

(moaning)

Thank you, thank you very much.

(gentle acoustic guitar music)

♪ Twinkle twinkle little star

♪ How I wonder where you are

♪ Up above the world so high

♪ You're the diamond in my sky

♪ Against a world that makes one cry ♪

♪ London Bridge may be falling down ♪

♪ But your smile lights up the town ♪

♪ Sailing on the bounding main

♪ My hand in your hand, no need to explain ♪

♪ Singing fills the air

♪ Us without a care

♪ Ride a pony across the sky

♪ Eagles flying by me

♪ Us way up high

♪ A kingdom of magical, mystical charm ♪

♪ Ours is a mystery, ours is a fantasy ♪

♪ Ours is a struggle from day to day ♪

♪ But ours is forever, yes ours is eternal ♪

♪ Because merrily, merrily, life's but a dream ♪

♪ Twinkle twinkle little star

♪ How I love you, near or far