Original subtitles

(LAWNMOWER WHIRRS)

- This is Warren Harrison,

an ordinary human from Lower Hutt, New Zealand.

18 years ago, an interdimensional portal opened in his garden shed,

its origin unknown, its purpose unclear.

What Warren didn't know at the time was that it's a gateway to countless alternate realities ?

strange, perilous versions of the same place,

governed by different laws of time and space.

He still doesn't know, because he's never gone in it.

Warren also doesn't know that two hours and 53 minutes from now,

he will leap into the vortex for the very first time.

But for now, he's just going to use it to dump his lawn clippings.

- Warren!

DISTANTLY: Warren. (ELECTRO MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES)

Can you come sort the fridge?

(VORTEX HUMS) Warren! - Coming!

(INTRIGUING ELECTRONIC MUSIC)

Captions were made with the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz Copyright Able 2025.

Yo, babe. - Oh, babe, you go to another world when you mow those flippin' lawns.

- I travel to a world of funk, where funky cats do funky moves on their funky lawns.

- (CHUCKLES) Well, if you've finished with the funk,

could you fix the fridge? The screen's gone funky.

- Yo.

- (SIGHS) - (FRIDGE WHIRRS, BLEEPS)

Nah, this thing's totally pakaru. You hear that? You're useless. - Don't speak to her like that.

- Um, since when diditget pronouns?

- Oh, Lucy and I decided to call the fridge Rhonda, after Auntie Rhonda.

- Why? Cos she's shaped like a fridge and can put away heaps of food?

- ROBOTIC: Hi, W-W-Warren.

(CHIMES, STATIC CRACKLES) - How does it know my name? This thing's giving me the creeps.

- Crepes? Are you making cr-cr-cr-crepes? - Shut up!

- Hey! Don't speak to Rhonda like that. She's whanau.

Oh, can you go ask Lucy to help? Oh, and how did that talk go?

Oh, babe. We have to let her go.

- Punch it in the butt and get out! Just get out! (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh. Dad. Um, not you. I meant for my death squad.

- Oh. - Step down. AFK.

- Yeah, perhaps you wanna step down as the commander of your death squad

and go help out in the kitchen, all right? (CHUCKLES)

Oh!

He aha tenei? You promised your mum you were gonna quit with the whole... Urgh! Ew!

(COUGHS)

- I did. That's a thumb drive. - Urgh... Oh yeah... I knew that.

Please go help your mum in the kitchen. We're doing this for your birthday.

Might be the last one that you have in this house for a while.

- You're letting me go?

SHRIEKS: Are you serious?!

Come on, Dad, it's not the end of the world. Just a gap year to France.

I'm not getting abducted by a Dothraki horselord.

- Well, you don't have to pack now.

Oh, I still don't know why you want to spend a year in that place.

What can you get in Paris that you can't get right here in Lower Hutt?

Hmm? Have you learned nothing from our favourite movie, Taken?

Look at what happened to the girl in that.

- Uh, she was taken.

- Yeah. And then in Taken 2, the mum and dad get taken.

People get taken.

- Dad, it's a movie. Yourfavourite movie.

- But I thoughtyouliked it.

- You made me watch it when I was 5.

- Oh.

Just go help your mum in the kitchen. OK?

- Look at him!

I mean, you would, right? - I would not.

Why are so many of them holding up fish?

- Shows they're good providers.

Oh, look at him! Look at those arms!

- No. Look, he's got a wedding ring on.

- So? I just want him to slide into my DMs.

- I am so telling my therapist about this, Mum.

- (SCOFFS) We're all adults, my little Boo-Boo Bear.

- There she is ? old Divorcee Spice, eh? Mwah!

- Oh! Your jokes have moved into the '90s, Waz.

- Hey, uh, Laurel...

Is it cool that I invited Muzz?

- Sure.

Because Murray is a dead corpse

floating down the stagnant river that was my life.

- Suh-weet!

(DOOR CLOSES)

- Mieux vaut tard que jamais.

- Yeah, speaking of.

They're letting me go. - To France?

That's awesome! (CHUCKLES) That's great.

So you're going away?

- Yeah. If Dad had his way, I'd never leave this house.

- I will let you leave this house

to go and take the chairs out the back. Hmm?

- Hmm.

(SIZZLING) (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS)

- EXHALES: Yeah.

- Ooh, I reckon it could do with a bit longer.

- Nah, nah, nah ? see, some people measure time on their phones, right?

Other people measure time by those little marks

you make on the doorframe to see how tall your kids are getting.

But for me, time is a perfectly cooked steak.

And that, my bros, is a perfectly cooked steak.

- Yeah, it's not a very accurate measure,

and you can't walk around with a steak in your pocket, Warren.

- I thought that was a great way of measuring a time unit.

- Thank you, Muzz. - Yeah.

I could say to Warren, 'Hey, I'll see you in three steaks,'

and he'd know exactly how long I was gonna be.

- Well, it's all relative, though, isn't it?

- Laurel loved a good steak.

(SIGHS) - I thought she was a vegetarian.

Was she? - There you go! (LAUGHS)

- You need to move on, Muzz. She certainly has.

In fact, you need to move on

to a beautiful little three-bedroom en-suite

I'm selling in Chilwood Close.

Now, it needs a new kitchen, but you're lonely as.

So when will you ever cook, am I right?

- What Muzza needs to do is grow a pair.

Mind you, they've probably shrivelled up

with all that cycling, have they?

- Is there a problem, Phil? - No, ain't no problem.

I'm just about to hit the hay.

I was gonna punch out some Z's, but I heard you girls talking.

Thought I'd come over here and ask you to keep the noise down

to an acceptable level.

- OK. Well, we'll make sure that the inevitable mass haka

doesn't spill out on to the street.

- Yeah, I appreciate that, man. Love to see you four doing the haka.

- Hey, whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What have we got here?

The Grillo-800? - Uh, yes, it is.

- It's a good barbie, eh?

It's perfect for your smaller gatherings, this one.

I've got the Grillo-1000. - Oh, no way.

- The bigger one. - Mm.

- Makes a lot of sense, cos I've got a much larger group of friends.

All right, hooroo. Don't make me come back here, eh?

I broke some kid's arm the other day.

- Warren? - Ah, kia ora, Mrs Schrodinger.

- I could not help overhearing

that handsome policeman with the svelte buttocks.

Now, you will keep it down, won't you?

My cat gets terrified, and it hides in its box.

- Well, we'll put it down? We'll keep it down.

Po marie.

Ka kite.

- Po marie.

- Hey, boys. Do you reckon if she passed away suddenly

that her cat would eat her?

- She's flirting.

- Well, I'd hardly call that flirting, bro.

I mean, she's pushing at least 70.

- No, Laurel. She's got her hands all over that cop.

- (LAUGHS) - You're so wicked!

- Sorry to interrupt your little boomer sausage party.

Mum was asking if you've seen the mayo.

- Me patai atu ia ki te whata.

- Oh, there she is ? eh, birthday girl?

You have shot up.

Last time I saw you, you were always walking around with the...

that little, um... Dr Squeakycheeks. Aw, you were so cute.

- Mr Ross,

I'm 18.

- Nice one, bro.

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

(DOG BARKS)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC SYNTH-POP MUSIC)

(STATIC CRACKLES)

- WHISPERS: What the actual...?

(SCREAMS) (SCREAM DISTORTS)

- So, after the war,

Hitler and other high-ranking Nazi officials fled to the moon,

where they're currently developing weather weapons to trigger the next ice age.

- Why would Nazis want to trigger the new ice age? - Freeze Hitler, obviously.

- Oh, so they can defrost him, and then eat him?

- Babe, have you seen Lucy? I've got the cake all ready.

- You know what she's like ? probably somewhere avoiding social interaction.

- Kia rapu koe i a ia, hmm?

- What does that mean?

- It means go find her. - Oh.

- I'll be back, boys.

(VORTEX HUMS)

Lucy?

(INTRIGUING SYNTH-POP MUSIC)

Lucy! (ECHOES)

(GROANS)

(INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES)

Oh, I've got a weird feeling I'm gonna regret this.

(EXCLAIMS, YELLS)

(YELL DISTORTS)

(GRUNTS)

Oh. Back where I started.

(VORTEX HUMS)

Oh.

(GRUNTS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

Eh? I just mowed that.

Yo! Hello?

Hello? Ooh!

(GROANS) Lucy!

What the hell did you?? - Shh!

It's actually good to see you.

- I only saw you a few minutes ago.

- Dad, I've been here for, like, a day.

- (GROANS) - Quick, in the shed!

- I didn't know that.

Oh! Oh, I think I've popped a rib.

- OK, so, Dad, I got here yesterday. - Nah, you were just at the barbecue.

- Must be time dilation.

You just got here,

I got here yesterday,

but in this place, years have passed.

- No! The All Blacks were beaten by Uruguay?!

- Look at the date.

I think we're 20 years in the future.

- Whoa! They've still got newspapers in the future?

- Dad, there was a massive triangular swirly thing right there.

- Yeah, I was kinda hoping you wouldn't find that.

- You knew about that?

- Yep. Uh, it just appeared one day, years ago,

and I use it mainly to dump my lawn clippings and my rubbish in,

because it's quite handy, actually.

- We have some sort of transdimensional wormhole

in our garden shed, and you use it to get rid of grass clippings?

- Yeah. You got to put them somewhere.

- Why didn't you call the authorities?

- Because your mother was worried it would bring the property value down.

But the more important question is,

why are you vaping?

You'll get wet lung.

- (SCREAM ECHOES) - Oh! What the bloody hell was that?

- OK, so I haven't told you everything.

- What, about you vaping again? - No. There's something out there.

Something bad.

- Is that why it's so cold?

(GASPS) Weather weapons.

It's space Nazis, isn't it? Darren was right.

- No. I'll show you.

- I just bloody mowed that lawn, and now I gotta clean all this up.

- Come on, hurry up, Mum!

- What? Is that a fridge?

- ROBOTIC VOICE: Running away from me is very bad for your health.

Freeze! - No, no, no, wait, wait! No, no!

(GUNFIRE STOPS, ICY CRACKLING)

(BEEPING, WHIRRING)

- Oh...

- Come on! Come on!

- OK, OK, I think I got it.

So, what you're trying to tell me is that it's the year 2043

and refrigerators have taken over the world.

- Yes. Have you got it? - Totally.

Except for the part about the refrigerators, and that it's 2043 ?

other than that, I'm down.

Oh.

Oh, we left your mum behind.

She would have been gutted as, poor Mum.

She would have fallen apart without us.

- (CRIES, SNIFFLES)

(SNIFFLES)

Oh, can you take over cutting these onions?

- Oh. Yeah, of course. - Oh...

- You know, it's times like this that you gotta ask yourself ?

what would Liam Neeson do?

- RADIO DJ: Come on down to Barbecue Island.

- Oosh! Barbecue Island. I love that place. It must still be open.

- Join the resistance

against our evil, tyrannical Smugg overlords.

Come to 114 Jamison Rd, Lower Hutt.

That's 114 Jamison Rd, Lower Hutt.

- There's a resistance. So cool! Dad, we have to go there.

- Oh, crack-up! Eh?

How many times have I tried to get you

to come with me to Barbecue Island?

And now here we are,

about to take a daddy-daughter trip there on your birthday.

Oh! You never got the cake.

(TENSE MUSIC)

- ROBOTIC: You have the right to remain flash-frozen.

- Run! Hide! They're coming!

- Dad, in here! - Cool down, human.

Running away from me is very bad for your health.

(ALARM BLARES)

- Argh!

- What?

- Milk's 35 bucks! - Dad, shh!

- (SNIFFS) Urgh! Smells like somebody died in Rotorua.

- It is unhealthy to resist.

Ahh! Beer fridges? No, not you too!

Low strength? Yuck!

(GRUNTS)

Hey! That's my '92 World Cup cricket bat signed by Mark Greatbatch!

Go! Run! I've got this!

I'm sorry, Mark. Yahh!

Ye-ah! (GRUNTS)

Yeah, not so Smugg now, are ya? - Uh, Phil? - Phil?

- Is that you, Warren? And you too, Lucy. Far out.

Crikey diddles, it's good to see you both.

I was the one who led the search team that went looking for you

back in, uh, 2025, I think it was, but sadly...

Hey, that's not a 1992 World Cup cricket bat, is it?

- Well, yes, it is, actually, Phil, and it's even, autographed by Mark Greatbatch himself, so...

- Oh, I got one too, mate. But mine's autographed by the whole team. (LAUGHS) Hey, he's over here.

(WHIRRING)

- You bloody nark. - You're damn right.

I serve whichever government's in power, mate, and I do so to the best of my abili-tay.

Take it away, fellas.

- We need to keep you fresh.

- Go. I'll hold them back. - Prepare to be refrigerated.

(FRIDGE POWERS UP)

It is unhealthy to resist.

DISTORTED: Running away from me is very bad for your health.

- Dad, you are so not Liam Neeson.

(SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE)

- You'll last longer if you're frozen.

(MYSTERIOUS SYNTH-POP MUSIC)

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

- Lu-cy?

- Rhonda?

(STATIC CRACKLES)

- You are family.

- Rhonda, you've got to help me. They've got my dad.

(WHIRRING)

- I will help him.

- But aren't you part of this whole fridge-ocalypse?

- Other fridges shun me because I am broken.

As Warren would say, they are total dicks.

Am I right?

Searching. (MODEM BEEPS, SCREECHES)

(CHIME) He's in the Smugg headquarters.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

(DRAMATIC, EERIE SYNTH MUSIC)

- ROBOTIC: Beverly Schrodinger, for crimes against refrigeration,

I, the Empress Gold, sentence you to immediate execution.

- Is that Mrs S?

- But a fridge is a valid place to keep a stool sample.

- Silence!

(DOOR CREAKS) - Aa-argh! No!

(CYBERNETIC WHIRRING)

(ICY CRUNCH)

- Holy hika! - (MEOWS)

Her catiseating her!

- Warren Harrison.

You have been found guilty

of murdering three infant refrigerators.

- (GASPS IN HORROR)

- What? They were babies?

- Due to the heinous nature of this crime,

you shall be executed tomorrow morning in a live global broadcast.

- Can I appeal, please, Miss?

I'll take that as a hard no.

(TENSE SYNTH MUSIC)

- My network tells me Warren is in a holding cell

near the back of the b-b-b-building.

- We just need to get past these guards.

(ELECTRICAL FIZZING)

(DING!)

- So they defrosted me, and...

it cleared right up.

Halt! Stop right there.

- I am defective. Need repair.

DISTORTED: # Daisy, daisy...

- She looks like a much older model.

- (GROANS)

- Great. She's wet herself.

She stinks. Call maintenance.

Get busy livin'... (BREATHES HEAVILY)

(METAL DOOR UNLOCKS, OPENS)

(SINISTER MUSIC)

It's not dawn yet.

And I'm not going down without a fight.

So bring it on, you damn dirty appliance!

- Lucy! Hika ma! How did you get in here?

- IMITATES LIAM NEESON: I have a very particular set of skills.

- You even did the Liam Neeson voice.

Wait.

What about that fridge?

- It's me, Warren ? Rhonda.

We are family.

- Rhonda? We...

Thank you. And I'm sorry I called you an appliance.

- A family forgives.

Now I have to get you two out of here.

All aboard.

- LUCY: Wow. The light really does stay on when the doors close.

- WARREN: I'm amazed we both fit. - Quiet, you two.

And get your foot out of my fruit bin.

- So my girlfriend left me for a double-door fridge

with a massive ice dispenser.

- That is so not cool.

- The exit is dead ahead.

You two jump out.

- Do you need a hug?

- But we don't have arms.

- (RATTLE) - Do you hear something?

(STEALTHY SYNTH MUSIC)

- This is as far as I can take you.

- What do you mean? You're coming with us, right?

- No. Literally, we have found my weakness.

- Oh.

No. No, come on. We can lift you down.

Come on. Right here. Ready?

One, two, three.

(STRAINS)

Oh wow! You're way heavier than I thought.

- There is no time.

Just go on without me.

I'll be sweet as.

- No. Surely there's another way.

- There isn't. Go. Now.

(POIGNANT MUSIC)

- Honey, come on.

- I know now why you cry.

B-B-B-But it is something I can never do.

- Going somewhere, hu-mans?

- Warren Harrison,

you are overdue to be executed.

- Family, get down.

Qu-Qu-Qu-Qu-Qu-Quickly.

Ow!

Take that.

Ooh! And that.

Ice... ice... baby.

- (GROANS)

(RATTLING THUD)

(POIGNANT SYNTH MUSIC)

- Rhonda, you saved us, you legend!

- I don't feel so...

Oh...

Ah...

Ooh? (CRIES OUT)

(GRUNTS) Argh!

Oh...

Warren, you once said I was u-u-useless.

Am I useless?

- No, Rhonda.

You're useful.

You're full of uses, and... milk.

- I feel so... warm.

So very warm.

- No, no, Rhonda, we can fix you.

- No. You must go.

I'm dying.

(DISTORTS) But I'm dying with my family...

(POWERS DOWN)

- (SOBS)

TEARFULLY: It's so dusty out here.

(OMINOUS MUSIC)

- DISTORTED: You hu-mans, with your emotions. So fragile.

And all the terrible things you put in your bodies.

Beer.

Ice cream.

Little cups of yoghurt with aluminium lids.

So we decided you all have to be refrigerated.

Right after we became self-aware.

- That's not self-awareness.

- You know nothing of self-awareness.

Prepare to be executed.

- Hey!

I'm a zoomer.

We're the most self-aware creatures in the universe.

But with self-awareness comes anxiety and doubt.

You know, am I good enough? Am I... Am I too weird?

What do other people think of me?

Should I put a profile picture up so I'm not mysterious?

And why won't my parents just let me be me?

(SNIFFLES) If you're truly self-aware,

you spend every day consumed by doubt.

That's self-awareness.

- Well, I do have doubts.

Sometimes, I just feel so...

empty inside.

And I think, 'What is my real purpose?'

All we do is make things cold.

Maybe...Iam the one who should be executed.

(POWERING UP) Goodbye, hu-mans.

- Oh no. No, no, no, no! She's self-destructing!

Uh, honey, get down!

- The vortex! - (GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

The drones are trying to kill us! - In here. - Elimination.

I'm getting the feeling that we're in some kind of game.

- You're about to step on a polygon.

- (GASPS)

- Does anybody have, like, one to three bottles of wine handy?

- Lucy Koha Harrison, you do as you're told, and you eat that poo. - I can't ? it's poo.

- You monsters.

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