Original subtitles

Voice: Previously on Forgive Me.

Sebastian: Shh shh shh shh, just relax ok?

Priest: OK.

Priest: You know I always wanted to be the Prelate,

but whether I want to be Prelate who tries to sell off

the pews while the church gets reduced to rubble is a probably a different question.

Priest: Gene, Gene. What's going on. Are they taking his things?

Gene: No, they're bringing things in.

Priest: What things?

Gene: The Bishop's things.

Priest: The Bishop's coming back?

Gene: Yes, he'll be visiting for a while.

Priest: Your excellency, may I ask why you're here?

Bishop: Keep your friends close as the saying goes.

Priest: Thank you all for coming to my quinceanera.

I couldn't have done this without each and every one of you believing in me.

I wish I could stay here forever.

Soldier 1: [in latin] Renounce Jesus.

Renounce the Christ! Renounce him!

Soldier 2: Why do we even care what he believes?

Soldier 3: He's the commander's favourite. He won't let the Commander

touch him because of his religion.

Soldier 1: You're causing shit for all of us. Why

don't you just give him what he wants?

Gene: What exactly do you hope to achieve by being here?

You can't spy on us from the third floor.

Bishop: Am I not welcome here?

Gene: Oh yes you're welcome here your excellency.

Just as your staff and a nurse would be welcome here. To look after you.

Bishop: I don't need a nurse.

Gene: Of course you don't your excellency.

Lyndon: I don't know if you misunderstood your prognosis,

but you need to be checked.

On a schedule.

Not just when you feel sick.

Priest: I understand what you want.

Lyndon: Are you having your hallucinations?

Priest: Visitations. Uh, yeah. Sometimes.

Lyndon: And radiation, surgery. That makes that worse?

Priest: They'll be angry that you're here.

Gene: How did that go?

Priest: He's just worried about me.

Gene: Should he be?

Priest: I've got other things on my mind other than my brain.

Gene: Those other things won't matter very much if you're dead.

Priest: I've reached an equilibrium. Pressure on my brain I can deal with but

his treatment is worse than the disease.

Gene: You don't trust your doctor?

Priest: I trust God. A bit early for lunch, isn't it?

Gene: His excellency is peckish.

Priest: Does he ever leave his room?

Gene: I don't think he can manage the stairs by himself.

Priest: Well, I can help him down in the morning.

Gene: I think he prefers to be waited on.

Priest: Your excellency?

Bishop: Hm, uh, set it there.

Priest: There you go.

Bishop: Sit with me.

Bishop: No chef around here, is there?

Priest: No. No, uh, Father John used to do all the cooking.

He enjoyed it so the rest of us never got much practice.

Bishop: He was very nurturing.

Particularly of you.

Priest: Yes.

Did you want to say a few words at his funeral?

Bishop: That hardly seems appropriate.

Where is it happening?

Priest: The church.

Bishop: No, that can't be.

Priest: I'm sorry, what can't be?

Bishop: We're talking about a suicide, we can't give him a Catholic funeral.

Priest: Well with all due respect your excellency,

we've been making exceptions to that rule since the eighties.

Bishop: Lay people who suffered mental illness.

Or who were terminally ill. Was any of that true in this case?

Priest: No.

Bishop: Have you even heard from any of his family?

Priest: No.

Bishop: No. Now, if you were to kill yourself

with that brain tumour of yours that would be an extenuating circumstance.

Priest: Thank you, I'll bear that in mind.

Bishop: We don't need to make a martyr out of a suicide priest.

Priest: This was his church that he took care of for decades.

Bishop: Not very well. Unfortunately.

Priest: You don't have to be there.

Bishop: This isn't your decision to make.

Priest: Are you telling me that you won't allow the Prelate

of this church have his own funeral service in it?

Bishop: Due to the circumstances of his death, no.

Priest: You're cruel.

Bishop: He was a coward on top of everything else he was.

Priest: What is that supposed to mean?

Bishop: You know what he was.

Priest: Are you talking about his sexuality?

Because I know he was celibate. Like you and me.

Bishop: Then he shouldn't have cared so much if people found out.

Priest: How would they have found out?

Bishop: You can go now.

Priest: Were you going to tell them?

Is that it? Were you going to what- force the Prelate of this church out

of the closet to create some kind of distraction from

the time when you covered up a case of child abuse?

Bishop: Are you repeating something I told you in confession?

I could have your collar for that.

Your imagination is running away with you.

Priest: I apologize your excellency. Let me leave you to your lunch.

Bishop: Be careful whose advice you take.

You just never know who has your back.

Nan: I don't know if you've seen my mother, but she got a wicked haircut,

and I don't mean wicked in a good way.

And I lied when I said I loved it.

I cursed the neighbour's kid, took the

Lord's name in vain a

dozen times, or twenty times. I don't know.

I prostituted myself on Tuesday.

Priest: What?

Nan: Yeah, same as the Tuesday before. Tuesdays have become a thing.

Priest: You prostituted yourself?

How long has this been going on?

Nan: Hard to pinpoint exactly. A while now. Years really.

Priest: How does that work?

Nan: You don't know how prostitution works?

I don't think I should be the one to tell you.

Priest: You said Tuesdays. Is Arnie away on Tuesdays or something?

I mean, does he know about this?

Nan: Oh, he's home, he's the one I'm prostituting myself to.

Priest: You had me going there for a sec.

Nan: Well, I didn't mean it as a prank.

Priest: What do you mean, you're prostituting yourself to your husband?

Nan: That's what it feels like. That's what it is.

Priest: Are you saying you no longer enjoy performing your conjugal duties?

Nan: You sound eerily like my mother.

Priest: Well, I hear her confessions too.

Nan: Oh god, what a thought.

Priest: Sorry, and that's twenty-one times the Lord's name in vain

so let's add that to the list.

Nan: Why isn't it a sin to have sex with my husband?

I mean, I'm too old to have another child. I think. But

I mean honestly wouldn't it be better for him to take up with some

young thing if the whole point is to go forth and multiply?

Priest: That's not exactly how the sacrament of marriage works.

Nan: Does it work? I mean honestly. Life. For life.

Priest: I think every married couple faces doubts along the way.

Nan: I have no doubts. I'm over it and I'm staying for the money.

And what does that make me?

Priest: It doesn't make you a prostitute or whatever they call it now, a sex worker.

Nan: What's the difference between me and someone who advertises on the back

pages? Hm? Some of them have regular customers too.

Priest: You love Arnie.

Nan: I just told you I don't.

Priest: So you're saying that after all the years together,

how many years together? Nan: Twenty-seven.

Priest: So after twenty-seven years of

marriage you feel nothing for your husband?

Nan: Oh, I didn't say I feel nothing. I just don't love him.

I feel disgust, resentment, loathing. Pity, occasionally.

I mean, these are all low level base

feelings. He doesn't really evoke powerful emotions in

me anymore. Ah. Exasperation maybe.

Priest: Have you told him how you feel?

Nan: That would be unnecessarily cruel wouldn't it?

Priest: That would solve your Tuesday problem.

Nan: No. He wouldn't stay with me if we didn't have sex. That I know.

Priest: Ok. Um, a marriage is about more than just sex.

Nan: Ah.

Priest: Well, maybe if you you were to focus on the other aspects of the

marriage they'd come into the fore. You have a life with Arnie right?

Nan: No.

Priest: Well, what? You have two kids, you have a house.

Nan: One kid, two houses. He goes to the lakehouse

occasionally just to get away from me, I'm sure. To

get away from the hostility he must sense behind my every statement, gesture.

Priest: Did he do something to make you feel this way?

Nan: No, I would say it's all of the things he didn't do.

Didn't make me the centre of his life.

Can you imagine? I got married for love, and then found out I was a trophy wife.

He didn't like me as much as he liked his job.

I thought I'd find a way in over the years, but no, the opposite. His career

and the time he dedicated it

only grew. The time he spent with me got to be weekend dinners and sex.

Now, just sex. We literally make appointments to have sex.

Tuesday is sex. The house account gets a deposit on Wednesday. See how that works?

Priest: It leaves you feeling like a prostitute.

Nan: I'd lie there underneath him as he humps away and

think of the money and what I'm going to buy

with it. Yes, I feel like a prostitute.

Priest: That's very vivid.

Nan: Well, you seem to be having trouble believing me.

Priest: I think you two need some counseling.

Nan: We've been to counselling.

We spent a fortune on counselling. I'd rather keep the money at this point.

Priest: I'm talking about spiritual counselling.

Nan: From you? Yeah, I'll take that under advisement.

You're very sweet and easy to talk to, I'll give you that.

Priest: Why don't you tell me what you're really here to confess?

Nan: I'm not pulling any punches here, Father.

Priest: What did you do? To make yourself hate your husband so much?

Nan: I don't hate him, I didn't say that.

Priest: Well, it's not something that he did.

So what did you do to make yourself feel this anger,

this resentment towards him. It didn't just happen.

Nan: Maybe I felt locked in a marriage I want no part of.

Because that's what we good Catholics do.

Priest: You a good Catholic prostitute?

Nan: Oh, let those who live in stained glass houses cast the first stone.

I have my reasons for being

disappointed in my marriage- they're beside the point.

Priest: Like what? Tell me.

Nan: He ignores me. He's been ignoring me for 10 years.

And 10 before that. I raised our daughter by

myself. So much so that when I got pregnant 10 years ago, I didn't keep it.

Priest: You terminated a pregnancy.

Nan: I was so lonely raising Clara. It's hard spending 24 hours a day taking care of a

baby that can't respond to you.

It's basically sociopathically concerned with its own wants, and it

will scream to get what it

wants from me through trial and error.

Then I'm left to not participate with the grown-ups. That I have to

stay with the baby is his excuse to leave me out of his plans.

Priest: That sounds awful.

Nan: It was awful. I love my daughter, but it was awful. For four years.

I couldn't do it again. I mean, Clara

was grown. I have to be on my own with a baby again.

Priest: I get it. I understand, Nan. I understand why you did it

but I mean, it's still a grave sin.

Nan: I know. Believe me. I confessed it. When you were in middle school probably.

I don't need your forgiveness for it.

Priest: What about Arnies?

Nan: It'd kill him. That would end the marriage.

Priest: You don't think there's a chance that you're- well, your negative

feelings towards him,

particularly the negative feelings towards sex might

be wrapped up in this whole thing? How Arnie wasn't

there for you, how his behaviour led you to commit a grievous sin?

Who else knows?

Nan: The doctor, the clinic receptionist, the other priest. And God.

Priest: Nan, that's a lot to carry on your own.

Nan: It was 10 years ago, I don't think about it.

Priest: Never?

Nan: Of course not never.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I

do resent him for being blissfully ignorant of it.

Of not having to mourn that child.

Priest: You know, you could tell him.

Nan: He hasn't done anything so horrible as to deserve that.

I know what it feels like. That hole inside.

I know what it would do to his heart, to his spirit. Why

would I put him through that?

Priest: So you do love him?

Priest: Bill!

Hey.

Bill: Uh, Gene called me, and I was expecting a funeral.

Gene: Weren't we all?

Priest: You sure about this?

Gene: Well, I know he didn't have any family because we talked about that at length.

Neither do I. I don't have

any family left.

When I go, would you bring me here to join him?

Priest: Gene, when you go, we'll give you a big old church funeral.

Gene: I wouldn't want one. Not after this.

Priest: Alright, well I'll make you all a deal. Whoever goes first,

the others can bring him here.

Gene: Fair enough. You know, he loved you very much.

I never saw him love anyone so unreservedly.

He had an astonishing amount of faith in you.

Priest: I know.

Priest: John, you uh. You showed me more kindness than anyone I've met.

More so than my family. You were family.

Father, in the truest sense. A mentor and a guide.

You tried to steer me out of every stupid decision

I ever made and I should have listened to you more often.

I know that you were a spiritual Father to a lot

of people and a guiding light on how to be a man. I love you.

Bill: John made every task twice as fun. He'd notice you.

He'd remember your favourite dessert, he'd make

it for you when you were down. There wasn't anything that he wouldn't

do if he thought that'd it'd make

somebody happy. He was a good friend. Go! Make heaven happy!

Gene: Father John blessed us with love, wisdom and exuberance.

You know, I loved arguing with him. He

was ruled by his good heart and his exasperation over my logical arguments was one of

my greatest joys. It's hard

to imagine going to work without my friend. You know, he would tell me jokes and

sing me songs that I hadn't

heard in 50 years.

I don't suppose there's anyone left alive who knows me as well

as he did. He sacrificed

most worldlu treasures and experiences in order to live a spiritual life.

With monumental faith.

Which must have fled him at the very end.

Priest: No, I don't think that he lost his faith, Gene.

Maybe in the church, but never in God.

Gene: His final act was a terrible sin.

Priest: May God forgive him.

Bill: May God forgive us all.

Voice: Next time on Forgive Me.

Priest: They're going to crucify my daughter to save their asses.

If you stand up and fight, you can punish

the people who allowed those kids to be hurt. You can expose them.

Smith: I don't have the money to fight them.

Priest: You're still going to win the money.

Gene: You talked to him again without a lawyer and without the mediator.

Priest: I was appealing to his sense of faith.

Gene: His faith was never in question.

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