Original subtitles

[Narrator] Previously on Forgive Me.

[soft instrumental music]

This is my friend, Noelle.

That should tell you something

when all your dreams are martyrs.

I don't think that I'm a martyr.

[brooding music]

[upbeat music]

[singing in foreign language]

[brooding music]

[loud bang]

- Forgive me. - How do I know you?

- Forgive me Father. - I've seen you out there.

[Priest] Sorry.

I've sinned.

It's been a few months since my last confession.

Okay.

Maybe a year.

I've...

Been two-faced to my boss.

Got a promotion, got some extra money.

Office politics.

You're staring.

[Sebastian] It's okay.

It's just.

There's not really much else to look at in here.

Duh.

How long have you been coming here?

About three years.

You haven't confessed before.

I've been pretty good.

I'm contemplating divorce.

Well.

I think that married people do.

You know it's part of deciding

whether or not to stay committed.

But you gotta look at it,

you gotta think about what life would be like

to not be married.

I have to counsel you to stay married.

No matter what?

Well, it's a blessed sacrament,

a sacred vow.

It's not as blessed as I thought it would be.

Never is.

A lot of people do it.

You know get a divorce.

Yeah but I mean that doesn't mean that it's right for you.

What the Lord has joined together let men not put us under.

To the church it's not like a breaking of a contract

between two people.

You know it's a threat to your salvation.

When people get married,

God sees them as one person so.

You're not gonna just go back to being two separate people,

you're gonna become one broken person.

It's alright, I know it's a little bit, it's weird,

it's hard to visualize or conceptualize whatever.

Why?

Why do I want a divorce?

[Priest] Yeah.

I think I just married too young.

I haven't lived enough life

to settle down.

That's not really a reason.

Well I thought it was.

My friends seemed to think so.

What do you want, you wanna go out

and get laid by a bunch of different people or something?

You think that's like a more exciting, happy way to live?

Yeah.

I wouldn't know, but God doesn't want you to get a divorce

this we know for sure so.

I mean there's other things.

That's not what God wants for you

and it's not even what you think it is.

It's not a way to be happy.

Maybe I just haven't met the right person yet.

You're not gonna get a do-over.

What's gone so wrong in your marriage?

How long have you been married?

Five years.

What changed between the first four years and now?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

I just, well things change pretty quickly

after the first few months but.

I guess I've just been waiting four years

for it to go back to the way it started.

That's why they call it a honeymoon.

Are there children involved?

[Sebastian] No.

No, no, no.

Do you want children?

I might.

Well yeah.

Well not now.

Jamie doesn't.

You know I think people wait too long these days.

You know it's like you have it at 16

or you have one at 36 and then there's nothing in between.

I know a lot of women they,

they waited too long.

They can't have a child.

They put their career first.

We would probably adopt.

Look.

The church doesn't sanction divorce.

They don't believe in it.

It's a civil matter.

You know you gotta go to a court

for someone to say that your marriage is over.

To the church it's a much more spiritual thing.

Marriage is a sacrament.

Sacraments don't end.

We weren't married in church,

we were married down at city hall.

Well.

Okay well that's not a sacramental marriage.

Right.

I mean the church, they don't recognize marriages

made outside of the church.

I'd say that if you wanted to get married

in a church in the future,

then you'd probably want to disclose the civil union.

Maybe keep a just in case annulment in your back pocket,

you know, but it would be a parish by parish thing.

Okay relax.

You're already on my second marriage.

And your adverse reaction to a second marriage,

it should tell you that you're not ready

to give up on this one.

You have to say that.

No.

I'm pretty sure I just married you off again.

[chuckling]

But,

maybe you think your marriage can be saved?

Have you tried therapy?

Have you tried counseling?

No.

[Priest] This where I tell you to come back here

for counseling.

By you?

It would probably be Father Phil

or Father Gene.

They don't have the experience,

but I really, I don't know what they're

ever gonna tell you about marriage.

They lived together for four years,

but it's not the same thing.

So.

Maybe therapy, maybe a counselor,

I just don't you should give up before you try everything.

Haven't come to this decision lightly.

You said you were contemplating.

So.

Have you told your wife

what your thinking?

My husband.

Jamie's my husband, not my wife.

Dude.

Sorry, sorry to assume.

Are you kidding me?

You really didn't know?

Maybe my gaydar's not so good.

Mine must not be either.

[Priest] I'm a priest.

Dude.

Why do you think I'm gay?

[Sebastian] Seriously?

Yeah what is it?

Why do you think I'm gay?

Well, the way you look at me for one thing.

Even at Mass when you're up there.

You know you're reading.

You're just staring at me.

Look I didn't even know where I saw you.

What?

Well you seemed pretty familiar when I sat down.

It's not.

[Sebastian] Flustered even.

That's not what I meant.

I just meant that I didn't know where I'd seen you.

Before, but you were in a dream.

So you're dreaming about me?

No.

I'm the man of your dreams.

Whoa.

No.

No definitely not.

Nightmares, you know what I mean?

It's not like I was having a dream about you.

It wasn't you.

It was just your face.

It's just a face from my memory banks.

[Sebastian] I just thought you were torn.

Torn about things.

No.

No, no.

You don't think about me?

[Priest] No.

Just dreams.

So your marriage was a same sex marriage.

Yeah.

Otherwise known as a marriage.

Well then I advise you that you were right to end it.

The church doesn't recognize a marriage

made outside the church.

So a gay divorce is a lesser sin

than staying gay married?

The Pope's been pretty clear on it.

Oh, what did Papa have to say?

That gay marriage is an attack on the family.

That it threatens the natural order.

That it's an attack on the essence of the human creature

and a threat to world peace.

So me and my husband are a threat to world peace.

What are we gonna go drop a gay bomb on Europe?

Ridiculous.

How?

Substitute Jews, destroy the essence of human nature.

Your marriage, not your existence.

There's nothing wrong with your feelings.

Love.

Love is great.

You know, but sex between two men,

it's a sin.

So is sex between a man and a woman for the most part.

Yeah in every circumstance, except for marriage.

Look I can forgive you of the acts.

The sex acts if you're genuinely sorry

and you don't want to do it anymore.

I don't want to stop having sex.

I want to have more sex.

That's a big part of why I want a divorce.

I can't forgive you for something

that you're just going to go out and do again.

I didn't come here to confess being married.

I came here to confess thinking about a divorce.

I can forgive you in a general way

to recognize your feeling of contrition.

I come here and I tell you

that my marriage is falling apart

and you can't even talk about it.

You guys are all obsessed with gay sex,

everything else gets lost.

I come in and I tell you that I lied to my boss

and I'm thinking about having a divorce.

Can you focus on that please?

How bad of a sin is it

to have divorce?

In your case not so bad.

Oh in my case,

yeah okay because there are no other sins.

I could pray all day, I could stay married.

I could spend the rest of my life

at ministering to lepers, wouldn't matter.

I'm still going to burn in hell.

I didn't say that.

You don't have to.

You know I was born gay.

And when I was baptized,

that was supposed to be a fresh start.

That original sin got wiped away.

Can you just treat me like a human being?

If I come here to confess a lie.

Just forgive me for it.

If I come in here and confess an infidelity,

forgive me for it.

If I come in here confess

I ate an entire bag of marshmallows in one sitting

just forgive me for it.

Even though I'm gay.

Did you?

Eat the marshmallows?

Yes.

A whole bag?

[Sebastian] Yeah.

Pretty glutenous.

[Sebastian] Thank you.

Seriously that's gonna be like a bunch

of Hail Mary's right there.

[chuckles]

What else you got?

I dropped my nephew on his head.

Not on purpose.

No.

I was juggling him technically.

Oh so you're stupid.

Yeah.

What about the infidelity?

Did you cheat on your husband?

Yeah.

How many times?

[Sebastian] Once.

Are you just afraid of telling him or

you're worried that the relationship can't be healed?

But I...

I think about it a lot, cheating.

Being free.

Being with someone that doesn't just love you.

But gets you, you know?

Maybe you hide too much from him.

He doesn't listen.

Tells me I don't listen.

But really we just have nothing in common to talk about.

Did you before?

I don't know we were always kind of opposite.

And now it makes you feel lonely.

Now it makes me think of other men.

But let me ask you, I mean,

are you sure it's not just your guilt

that's hurting your marriage?

There's someone else.

Not the boss.

In my head.

Constantly.

[Priest] You're in love?

Maybe a little infatuated.

I don't even think I can be with him.

I mean.

I don't even think I can have him.

Necessarily.

But the fact that I think about it.

Doesn't that mean?

Well no, I mean people,

you're gonna have infatuations right your entire life.

Everyone fantasizes it's...

I would say just train yourself

to be less sinful in your thoughts.

You're not going to be able to not have them.

I just don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life.

It scares me too sometimes.

If you didn't want to be alone, why'd you become a priest?

Well.

Because I think with God you're never truly alone.

I mean understand now that God can't fulfill the need

for human contact.

Not intimate contact, but just,

being close, talking,

touching somebody who gets you.

Yeah.

That's exactly it.

Thanks.

I think you should say 20 Hail Mary's.

20?

[Priest] Yeah.

But I'll say half of them for you.

Why would you do that?

Because I was a jerk.

You had a lot of really good sins to confess

and I got caught up in that one.

[Sebastian] Well maybe that should tell you something.

Sorry man I only do pinky holding.

I dreamt about him and then he turned out to be real.

I think Sebastian attends our church.

I mean that's gotta be where I saw him right?

He's a member of the congregation.

That's gotta be where I saw his face.

You know what he looks like,

but I just don't remember seeing him before today.

It's like my brain picked his face out of the crowd

or something.

I've never heard a confession from a gay guy before.

Well you probably have.

They just don't confess that.

He told me he knew some good priests who were gay.

Yep.

But that that's not allowed anymore these days.

Well.

Grandfathered in I guess.

When you're a priest what does it matter

who you're not having sex with?

We're all celibate.

This guy was struggling.

I just was not helpful.

It's just gotta eat you up inside to be gay and Catholic.

Yeah.

Sometimes it does.

You can't be a sin.

You can only commit them.

This,

this is awkward.

No.

Do you wanna watch Homeland?

Yeah.

[Sebastian] Let's all sing.

So the girl stays.

Till you sort yourself out.

Thank you.

I'm talking weeks,

not months, not years.

[heavy sigh]

What's the matter?

You're not sure she's your kid?

[Priest] No I'm sure.

You're having second thoughts about the Priesthood?

When you become a priest,

you sacrifice a lot.

But you get protection.

You don't get to see this.

Watch your kids get sick,

fall, and fail.

Worst feeling in the world.

I love you.

I just want you to know that I'm really grateful

for everything you did for me when I was kid.

And I know I never told you that before.

Well, no one ever did.

I just feel like I was so young you know?

I didn't know what it would mean

to take care of somebody's else's kid until now.

Great granddaughter.

Never thought I'd say that.

Maybe from your brothers, but you never.

Listen I was talking to my boss, the Prelate,

and I was asking him if he'd think about maybe moving me.

You know like a mid-sized parish,

somewhere I'd be the only priest.

Like the living situation might be easier to change.

[Woman] And?

He told me I wasn't ready.

That I need to prove myself.

Are you ready?

I wasn't ready to be a mother.

I fucked that all up.

You did really, really good the second time.

I never got my daughter's forgiveness.

But I did get a second chance.

Listen if she stays here,

there's a chance she might be difficult.

Okay she's bounced around a lot lately

from place to place, I know that she has.

Just figure out what you're doing.

I've got my limits.

And you're this close.

[soft melodic singing]

[brooding instrumental music]

[soft instrumental music]

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