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When I think back on the summer of 2016,
I remember both the absolute best and
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worst of times.
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Kendra invited me to spend the weekend
at a cabin up north.
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I thought it was the time that our
relationship was moving forward. That
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until her parents showed up.
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She'd invited them without telling me.
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I was sharing a bedroom with my
daughter.
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She's a busy.
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I want her to stay that way.
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Just when I thought I might be getting
laid, I was wrong.
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The moment I saw Mrs. Sage, legs spread,
moaning in ecstasy, I knew staying
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still was going to be that much harder.
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Because this was better than fun. This
was real life.
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How was your trip?
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She invited her parents.
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Yeah, it sucked.
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Yeah, but I did get to see them bang, so
there's that.
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No way. Her parents still have sex?
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Yeah, her mom's like super horny or some
shit.
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A fucking virgin with a horny mom.
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Yeah.
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Holy shit, you got the crap end of that
deal, bro.
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No shit, dickhead. How long's it been?
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A year.
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A year?
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Dude, you need to dump this chick, man.
What are you even getting out of this
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relationship? She's a sweet girl, and I
don't know, I've waited this long, so I
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figure she's got to give it up at some
point. No way, man.
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These girls, they hold on to that
virginity forever.
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And even if you did bang her, who's to
say it's even good? You might be waiting
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around a whole year for bad sex.
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It's not gonna be bad.
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You're fucking a virgin.
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Having sex with a virgin is a total
crapshoot, dude. You better off be
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her mom and really get an idea of what
it's like. Like that's gonna happen.
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It happened to me.
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Oh, really? You fucked Kendra's mom?
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I banged Stacey's mom.
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Stacey, your ex?
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Like, while y 'all were still together?
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Yup. I don't believe you. Come on, man.
I dropped off some books that she left
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at my house while she was taking a
midterm and her mom got crazy real
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Does this intimidate you, Tyler?
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What is that?
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You don't know what this is?
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That's like one of those back massager
things, right?
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No.
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This is a guaranteed orgasm.
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A clitoral stimulator, if you will.
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I have been making a killing selling
these to women in the community.
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Now I'm getting death threats from their
husbands.
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Oh, wow.
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The death threats, that's crazy.
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Why would they be doing that?
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Probably because their wives are laying
around the house just enjoying endless
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streams of orgasms that these wonderful
devices are providing them.
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The husbands feel like they're being
replaced.
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Oh. Would you mind if I gave one of
these to Stacy?
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You want to give one of those to my
girlfriend, your daughter?
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No.
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No. Why would I care?
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This is why I love you millennials so
much.
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You're so much more sexually progressive
than Gen Xers.
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Thank you.
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Tyler, did you know that I haven't been
fucked properly in years?
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Oh, um, you know, Ms. Fitzbill, I really
gotta get going because I have an exam
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that I need to study for and that's...
Women's sexuality just
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isn't taken seriously, even though we're
supposed to be equal.
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Well, you know, I believe in equality.
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You know, man and a woman, the same
thing, equal. This is the reality for
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This is the reality that women are
dealing with.
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Right. Well... Why shouldn't a woman be
liberated?
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If a woman can't have an orgasm with a
man, she should be able to
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pursue pleasure and...
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And he means she can.
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Sure. Tyler,
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I want you to pretend for a moment that
my daughter is not your girlfriend.
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Thank you. All right. Yeah. Okay.
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Okay. So now, do you find me attractive?
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Yeah, of course.
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A lot of guys do.
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Really? Like who? Like every guy who
looks at you or sees you.
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Tyler, can I ask you another question?
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What? Would it be alright if I kissed
you?
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Mrs. Foley, I don't think that's... I
have not been kissed in years. It's been
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so long.
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And I could see how that might be, you
know, lonely and stuff. I've forgotten
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what it feels like to have...
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A man's lips pressed against mine.
Right.
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I see how that... You get lonely and
everything, but I don't think I'm the
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person to be doing this. I hardly
disagree.
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Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. That's right.
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Let me untie this.
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Yeah.
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No one's... No, no, no, no, no. She's
gone. Yeah?
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She's not coming back till a lot later.
A lot later tonight.
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She's doing volunteer work.
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Oh, yes. Oh,
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yes.
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Oh, that's so good.
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Oh,
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yes.
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God, you have such a nice body, Tyler.
So do you. You're so handsome.
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I got you.
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Oh, yes.
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Oh, God.
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Oh, my God.
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Oh,
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look at that.
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You're so... You have such a nice body.
You're so muscular.
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Oh,
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my goodness.
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No, what about Stacy?
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We have the house to ourselves.
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Okay, yeah, we could just... Let me see
what you have going on there.
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It does feel pretty good. Yeah.
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Oh my God.
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Oh my God.
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out pretty wild and crazy.
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When I was a lot younger, hence the
tattoos.
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Yeah. I have a lot of experience.
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I think you could really benefit.
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Really? Being with someone older, yeah.
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Oh my god, it feels really good.
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so good oh yeah oh my
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god yeah i bet you don't get blowjobs
like that from girls your age
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but yeah you got her now oh
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my god this one
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feels so good
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Oh, my God, yes.
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Oh, my God, yes.
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Is it okay if I hold your hair like
that? Hold on.
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Yeah.
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Oh, my God.
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Yeah. Oh, wow,
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that feels really, really good.
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I know it does.
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Yeah.
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It feels so good.
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Oh my God.
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Holy shit. That feels really, really
good. Yeah.
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Oh my God.
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Oh my God. You're good at that.
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Lots of experience, Tyler.
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Yeah.
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I feel like my legs are gonna start
shaking.
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That's a good thing.
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00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,780
Oh, I'm just getting a little more
comfortable.
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Oh,
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Tyler.
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Huh?
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You've got to return the favor.
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Come here.
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Here, get down on your knees.
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You're going to feel good now.
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Like that?
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Yes.
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Very important that you
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know how to control that.
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I just love that youthfulness.
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Oh, my goodness.
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Right there.
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Oh,
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my God.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Oh, my God. It's so hot.
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Yeah, it is, isn't it?
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Yeah, right there.
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Go in.
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Right there, yeah.
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Right there. Stay there.
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Stay there.
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Yeah.
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Holy God.
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You're very naturally gifted in that
area.
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You think?
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Yeah, I do.
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Really? Yeah.
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You know what? I shouldn't tell anyone
that, you
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know, as much as I want that to get out
and everything, maybe you should just be
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honest, you know?
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Oh sure, I won't say a word.
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So what do you do now?
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I'm not done with you yet.
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Yeah? Yeah.
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I'll take this off.
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You're so handsome, Tyler.
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Thank you.
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I wish I could go back in time and you
could take me to prom.
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What? Yeah.
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Wouldn't that be hot?
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It would be pretty hot.
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Oh my God.
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Did I get out of here as well? Yeah.
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Oh my God, it takes a while.
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Oh my
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God, yeah.
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Oh, God.
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Oh, my
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God. Oh,
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my God. Oh, my God. Oh,
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my God. Oh, my God.
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00:16:19,850 --> 00:16:20,850
Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God.
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00:16:30,180 --> 00:16:33,420
Oh, my
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God,
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yeah.
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Holy shit, that feels really good.
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Oh, my God.
210
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:18,910
Oh my god, I'm just going to take that.
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Oh my god.
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I can't believe we're doing this. Oh my
god.
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00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:46,550
Oh my
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god.
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00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:06,430
Oh my god. Oh
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00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:11,930
my god, yes.
217
00:18:13,330 --> 00:18:14,390
Oh yeah.
218
00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:17,630
Oh yeah.
219
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Just really enjoy this moment.
220
00:18:41,010 --> 00:18:43,450
Does that feel good?
221
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Oh my god, it's so fucking good.
222
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:08,840
Holy shit.
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00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,460
Oh, there you go, baby.
224
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,200
Oh.
225
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,440
Oh, shit.
226
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:18,660
Oh.
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00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:20,480
Oh, God.
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00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,680
Oh, my God.
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00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:23,040
Oh,
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my God.
231
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Oh,
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shit.
233
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Oh.
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Holy shit. It's so good.
235
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Yeah.
236
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:56,860
Oh,
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God.
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00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,100
Oh,
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00:20:08,660 --> 00:20:10,680
this is so... Oh,
240
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,660
my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
241
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:17,600
Oh,
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00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,040
fuck.
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Oh, my God.
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00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:26,690
Oh,
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00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:30,690
my God. Oh, my God.
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00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:32,090
Oh,
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my God.
248
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That was really good.
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Oh,
250
00:20:42,050 --> 00:20:43,050
God.
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00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:59,080
I don't want you to come just yet.
252
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What are we doing?
253
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I'm turning around.
254
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,640
Do you ever have sex from this position?
255
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,100
What?
256
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:11,020
You know, me and your daughter kind of
do things.
257
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:12,420
Yeah? Yeah.
258
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,850
There you go. Oh, Tyler.
259
00:21:39,530 --> 00:21:40,570
Oh, there you go.
260
00:21:43,530 --> 00:21:44,530
Oh,
261
00:21:47,190 --> 00:21:50,530
that feels so good. Yeah, just like
that?
262
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:51,750
Yeah.
263
00:22:04,810 --> 00:22:05,810
Oh, my.
264
00:22:06,790 --> 00:22:09,310
Like that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
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00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:36,080
Yes, you guys.
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Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
267
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:43,120
Oh, my God.
268
00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:45,340
Oh,
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my God.
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So good.
271
00:23:29,580 --> 00:23:30,740
So good. Do you like this?
272
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,000
Yeah.
273
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,240
Oh, yeah.
274
00:23:38,900 --> 00:23:39,900
Yeah.
275
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:42,500
Yeah. Yeah.
276
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,320
Oh, yeah.
277
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:20,380
You all right?
278
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,020
Yes, I'm fantastic.
279
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:24,200
Yeah? Oh, Tyler.
280
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:25,960
Oh, come here.
281
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,480
Yeah? Come here. What? Excuse me.
282
00:24:38,380 --> 00:24:40,520
You're going to know.
283
00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:08,430
Grab it tight and shrug it.
284
00:25:11,330 --> 00:25:12,710
Oh my god.
285
00:25:17,110 --> 00:25:20,610
Come over here. Yeah? So we can both
kind of lie down.
286
00:25:21,130 --> 00:25:23,670
Here, I want to use this tool.
287
00:25:23,950 --> 00:25:27,490
You know, you can also use it during
sex. I'll show you.
288
00:25:27,710 --> 00:25:30,230
Not on me though, right? No, no, no, on
me. Oh, man.
289
00:25:50,810 --> 00:25:54,670
Let me know if you can feel this a
little bit. Oh, I can, yeah. Does it
290
00:25:54,670 --> 00:25:55,670
good? It does.
291
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:12,880
This is great.
292
00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:17,760
Oh, my God. I feel so good.
293
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,040
Oh,
294
00:26:21,620 --> 00:26:22,620
my God.
295
00:26:24,180 --> 00:26:25,180
Oh,
296
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:27,320
my God.
297
00:26:30,340 --> 00:26:35,620
Holy shit, man. I feel so good.
298
00:26:53,830 --> 00:26:55,450
Oh, my God.
299
00:26:57,390 --> 00:26:58,390
Holy.
300
00:27:00,090 --> 00:27:02,270
Holy shit, I feel so good.
301
00:27:05,590 --> 00:27:06,730
You're so cute.
302
00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:10,590
You're sitting right there staring at
me.
303
00:27:17,500 --> 00:27:19,560
Holy fuck.
304
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,960
Holy
305
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:30,200
fuck
306
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:36,520
me.
307
00:27:37,260 --> 00:27:40,620
Holy fuck.
308
00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:45,010
Holy Oh
309
00:27:45,010 --> 00:27:54,630
Oh
310
00:27:54,630 --> 00:27:55,630
Oh
311
00:28:14,450 --> 00:28:18,550
Oh my god, we don't want to come free,
okay, yes, yes, oh,
312
00:28:19,270 --> 00:28:26,170
oh, oh, oh my god, yes, oh my
313
00:28:26,170 --> 00:28:32,010
god, holy shit, fuck,
314
00:28:32,030 --> 00:28:38,570
I, I, I, I'm getting into my senses, I,
I, you're, uh,
315
00:28:38,730 --> 00:28:43,930
my girlfriend, you're, fuck, what, uh,
my daughter?
316
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:45,280
Your girlfriend, Stacy.
317
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:47,440
Stacy! Oh, no.
318
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:54,120
She's, um... She's not coming home till
later tonight, and I won't say anything.
319
00:28:54,820 --> 00:28:56,600
Yeah? Yeah, of course not.
320
00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:57,840
It's so awkward.
321
00:28:58,120 --> 00:28:58,979
It's really awkward.
322
00:28:58,980 --> 00:29:00,120
We'll keep this between us.
323
00:29:00,340 --> 00:29:04,560
Well, like, this isn't awkward, but what
could come of it could be awkward.
324
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:09,060
Yeah. Yeah. It could potentially be
awkward, but we shouldn't say anything.
325
00:29:09,060 --> 00:29:12,960
should avoid the potential awkwardness.
Right. I'll just let you know when...
326
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,900
I'm home alone, if it ever works out.
327
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:18,000
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
328
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:20,260
Dude, that didn't happen.
329
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:21,800
Swear to God.
330
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:23,480
Stacey ever find out?
331
00:29:23,860 --> 00:29:26,940
No, man, that's the great thing about
these old chicks. They're horny and
332
00:29:26,940 --> 00:29:30,440
they're not talkers, man. I don't care
about talking about how many guys they
333
00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,680
bang. These old bags are just happy that
they're being banged in the first
334
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:34,680
place.
335
00:29:34,780 --> 00:29:39,340
Look, all right, I'm not saying getting
with Kendra's mom is the right thing to
336
00:29:39,340 --> 00:29:40,340
do, okay?
337
00:29:40,620 --> 00:29:44,220
I'm just saying you have to get laid,
bro. It was seriously one of the most
338
00:29:44,220 --> 00:29:47,760
frustrating weeks of my life, until
opportunity knocked.
339
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,220
Lucas, what are you doing here?
340
00:29:58,140 --> 00:30:01,480
My mom said you guys hung out earlier
this afternoon.
341
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:05,780
She asked if you'd want to maybe go back
up to that cabin this weekend.
342
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:09,320
And so, I joined Kendra and her family
up north again.
343
00:30:09,840 --> 00:30:12,780
Half expecting the trip to be as blue
ball inducing as the first.
344
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,440
You ready?
345
00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:15,700
Yeah, let's do this.
346
00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:21,080
It was only the second time I'd ever
been alone with Mrs. H. I was
347
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,120
comfortable. Spent the afternoon
laughing, talking.
348
00:30:24,540 --> 00:30:27,460
It felt easy in the way it never was
with Kendra.
349
00:30:27,820 --> 00:30:30,380
Ramon and Kendra are getting tickets to
Hamilton tonight.
350
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:31,760
Do you want to go?
351
00:30:32,180 --> 00:30:33,440
Not really.
352
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,320
Looks like it's just you and me.
22268
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