Original subtitles

[dramatic music]

- Ow. Bloody *bleep*.

This is really what I was afraid of.

I don't want the end of my story

to be all about the breakdown of my body.

- Holy *bleep*. Fresh grizz tracks.

It made a complete circle around the tent.

That means trouble.

- I wanna be healthy so I can watch my kids grow up.

If I was to die out here,

and then I'd miss out on everything.

- We don't it's safe for you to stay in the field anymore.

We're gonna have to pull you for medical reasons.

- God, I wanted to do this.

This was my "Super Bowl," this was my survival big game,

and I did not have my best performance.

male narrator: In "Alone's" most terrifying location yet,

ten participants face the deadliest predator

in North America.

- There he is right there.

- Grizzly bears. - Hey, bear.

- There are a lot of grizzly here.

I'm gonna have to live with them.

- Go on! Get!

- Every second we're on the land, we're being hunted.

- Holy *bleep*, mountain lion.

- He's circling around my shelter.

narrator: Bone-chilling cold...

- Winter is coming.

- You combine the wind with the rain and the cold,

this place could make the Arctic look easy.

- Oh, *bleep*.

narrator: And complete isolation.

- You cannot hide from yourself

mentally and emotionally.

- Ah!

- There's no place to go.

- I am suffering from loneliness.

narrator: Who will survive?

- Yes! Yes!

- This could be the end.

- I don't want to tap, but I don't want

to die either.

- You have to suffer before you can succeed.

[gagging]

narrator: The last one standing wins.

- At what point do I push the button?

[soft tense music]

- There was something jacking around outside last night,

but I don't know what it was.

It doesn't matter. But I have no more food.

That deer is done.

Let's see about this gill net. First thing.

I gotta get busy and not burn up all my fat.

Judging by the way my belt fits,

I'm dropping weight rapidly.

Let's see if we can catch a fish.

I'm withering away.

Even though I've killed a deer,

I'm still withering away.

Switched the gill net over there the other day.

I haven't caught anything in it.

And now I'm concerned that I might get pulled for weight.

The rocks are treacherous.

*bleep*.

Done! Done with it!

[wind howling]

- [groans]

Oh, boy.

Absolutely no point in getting up early today.

It is snowing.

I can hear it on the tarp outside.

Definitely gonna be a projects in the house kind of day,

I think. [chuckles]

And project-wise,

probably today is the day to make a broom.

I basically have one activity a day at this point

where I really have the energy for it, so yeah.

And this is just beautiful grass, it really is.

You could, of course, do all of this binding

that I'm doing with the girls.

Since I have paracord inner liner

and it's coming out my ears,

don't think I'm going to spend the time.

[soft dramatic music]

Remember now, we're not going all crazy

domestic goddess here.

This is for taking snow off the tarp

and potentially being able to brush off

enough Kinnikinnick to get some more.

[chuckles]

Can you live on Kinnikinnick? Nope.

Oh God, my hands are so weak.

Come on.

I mean, all of me is so weak,

but it's especially notable for me in my hands.

which means my knife work is a little bit scary.

I'm sure there will be a point where I'm just too tired,

I'm too thin,

and it's just gotten to the brink

of what I can handle.

I know that point will come

unless a deer dies in my front yard.

All right. And ta-da.

We have the broom. Perfect.

Okay, so the weather is reasonable.

Let's test it out, eh?

Yup, it works.

A little less snow in the house.

Oh, I'm a little bit dizzy.

I just need to sit for a bit.

*bleep*.

Okay, so the fire has just died.

I really wish I had collected

a whole bunch of firewood yesterday,

which was actually one of my plans and it didn't do it.

Now, I'm gonna have to play the firewood game.

*bleep*.

[soft tense music]

It's so hard to do heavy physical activity,

like collecting firewood.

When I tilt sideways or have to catch myself quickly,

my muscle response time

is much slower.

You feel like you're moving through water.

That's what it feels like.

I want to say I just have a really,

really limited time left.

And I'm so frustrated by that.

*bleep*.

Not a track I expected to see here.

So they're down from the high country then.

How lucky would one have to get

to have just been walking to the loo with their bow?

I hope that deer will be here.

I mean honestly right now, if I shot a deer,

I can win this.

But you know,

I'm not sure I'd be capable of processing one.

[soft dramatic music]

Maybe?

Oof.

Suck it up, buttercup.

Get the firewood in.

- See these cute, little twins.

It's been the main motivation keeping me here.

Look at their little feet and hands.

Their big heads.

They're so much bigger than that now, no doubt.

They're gonna need that money, so let's get to it.

I can't help but wonder who's left

and how much fight they got left in them.

I have more fight in me.

My family's future is on the line.

I gotta go check my gill net.

Try a few casts while I'm down there.

It's a strange thing to be on the cusp.

So close to a fortune, you know,

that would take me decades to make.

So close yet so far.

Things that would push me further, I'm not finding.

It's hard.

No fish, as usual.

It ain't easy getting this far.

You either get here from doing well

or you get here on pure stubbornness

and sheer will like I did.

I'm just gonna keep on going a little longer.

I don't have a whole lot of quit in me, man.

My mindset is still in the game

and there's more foraging I can do.

I can start eating some of the things

I haven't been eating like the under bark.

As long as I stay hydrated,

my body has got plenty left on it to give.

The Sam Rations, as I call them.

It's how Sam won, you know.

He went in heavy and he just out-starved everyone.

I'm just a broke musician construction laborer.

I can't walk away from this.

So food thought of the day has been a random one.

Quite a random one.

Frito pie, which is...

really, just think nachos but made with Fritos.

Very high fat, which I'm pretty sure

is what I'm on about, really, just in general.

Like, I mean, I'm actually planning a trip

to do a little nostalgic food tour.

I don't yet have refrigeration capability in my van.

That'll be something that some of this money

sorts out, actually.

I can finally do the proper remodel of my van

into a working home

so that I can travel and live in it,

and live in it properly, you know?

I want refrigeration. I want the ability to cook.

Right now I have a bed and a cooler,

you know, and I make it work.

All right, so it's done.

Okay, and now I want to just sit for a moment

with my cup of tea.

Wow, I never thought I'd see the day

where washing some underwear, and some socks, a shirt,

and a pair of trousers

in a pot of water

would tire me out.

It is a noticeable daily decrease in energy.

I want desperately to stay out here.

I want desperately to win.

At the moment, I'm tired. Weak and tired.

Broken. I feel broken. [chuckles]

I'm not actually sure I can draw my bow,

to be perfectly honest.

Yeah, I just need a nap.

[electronic chime] Oh, yes, yes.

Message received.

Production is coming a day early.

Well, okay, there we are then.

I wonder why they're coming early.

I know my body's shot. I know.

I know we're gonna have that conversation,

but you never really completely let go of the possibility

that you might be the last one out here.

They might just shove up and say,

"Hey, it's not actually a med check, you won.

Here's your money."

And that would be...

I can say it would be life-altering.

And I would very much like to be the person

who walks home with it.

I can have a home, eclectic and wonderful.

It'd be so fantastic, I'd be so excited.

- Lightheadedness every time I stand up.

- Okay.

- I would be really gutted if I had to go home today.

- Theresa. - Yeah.

- You've lost a tremendous amount of weight.

- Yes, I have.

- And as you might imagine,

we're deeply concerned about your health...

- Yes. - As you may be as well.

I think at this point, if you stay in any longer,

you risk reaching a level that might be hard to recover from.

So at this point,

we're gonna have to pull you for medical reasons.

- Today?

- It's not safe for you to stay out here.

[soft downbeat music]

- [takes deep breath]

Do you guys mind if you just give me a moment?

Can I go inside and just have a minute?

Thank you.

Oh.

[exhales deeply] Suck it up and deal.

[exhales deeply]

Okay, pardon me. I really don't like crying.

And I sure as hell don't like crying in front of people,

so apologies.

And I know, I completely understand that we need to go.

I pushed myself further than I originally intended.

Yeah.

To say I wash, I do a full-body wash every three days.

I know I am a walking bag of bones.

I'm not upset with you.

I'm not upset with anybody. I'm not even upset with myself.

I'm just--I'm...

Just disappointed.

I'm just disappointed. That's all.

I've seen 30-year-old horses look better than me.

[chuckles]

[soft dramatic music]

I got the opportunity to do something

that very few people do,

and it was amazing.

I'd love to have the 500 grand,

but at the same time, I have now spent 69 days

getting firsthand experiences.

This place has become home. This is my home.

And that is actually one of the hardest things.

I was in control of everything.

Everything was mine. I had absolute control.

I've never felt like that anywhere else.

And now I have to hand that over

and that's tough.

However, my motivation for coming on this program

wasn't just to win.

It was to have an experience that I have not had before,

to do things I've not had the opportunity to do before.

And I have done that

and I will continue to do that.

This is just the beginning.

[soft tense music]

Isn't it true?

Plan for the day is to get some food.

I'm running low on energy.

[groans]

I think I might try and harvest some under bark.

It's not something I want to eat,

but I'm running out of stuff to forage.

I just wanna preemptively apologize...

For the skinning you're about to receive.

This is tree meat. There's nutrients in it.

And try to not get the wood if you can avoid it.

I hope that doing this helps me

find a better way to live my life.

My whole life I've done hard labor,

just busting my ass for crap pay.

It's not worth it.

All right, that's enough for now.

[soft dramatic music]

I quit my job to do this and can't go back to it.

Having that money would give me the ability

to work on the things that I enjoy.

Like doing something in the outdoors or working on music.

Calling that done.

I can't tap without playing every last bit I have into it.

Let's try the broth, shall we?

It's red.

Mmm, tastes like trees and fireweed.

Yeah, that's about as rough as I imagined it would taste.

This meal is enough to make me wanna tap, man.

[chuckles]

This is so hard to eat.

Matter of fact, I don't think I can eat anymore at the moment.

I might throw up.

Holy *bleep*, man, what a disaster this meal is.

Ugh. *bleep* terrible.

It's getting really hard out here, man.

Hard to be out here.

[wind whistling]

- When I lay in here like this, there's,

like, recurring thoughts that go through my mind.

One of them is what day is it,

and how many days we have left?

And the other one is, what do I have to eat?

And the answer's always the same.

A lot and nothing.

[soft tense music]

A lot of days left and nothing to eat.

I'm hungry all the time now.

It wasn't like that before but now,

I think about using every scrap

of an animal.

Like eyeballs.

And brains.

That'd be so good.

I guess I'll check the snares.

A few rabbits would be great.

[soft dramatic music]

I've never snared rabbits. It's not legal back home.

Oh, he's been back and forth, back and forth through here.

Rascals all over the place.

I've run a trap line and I've snared lots of other things,

but this is something that's new for me.

Nothing in that one. Damn it.

I can see its tracks going right through the snare.

He hopped right over it or around it

or under it or something.

There is a real risk but at this point,

this is the best chance to find food.

I'm moving slow this morning.

Slow but steady.

Check this one over here.

*bleep*, got one.

Oh, man, I needed this.

It got him around the chest. My loop was a little too big.

Nice. Man, I really needed that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Man, this brings back memories.

I remember, I bet I was probably ten years old,

and I saw a rabbit and I shot him

and he jumped up and then started flopping around.

I said, "I got him. I got him."

I ran up there and grabbed him up

and I was so proud of myself.

All right, one more to go.

And I don't think I'll ever forget that.

Hot dog, I got another one.

I didn't expect this one, this is a pleasant surprise.

Very nice. I love it. I love it.

There is nothing in life worth achieving

that's going to come easy.

Everything that you want to accomplish

that's worth anything at all,

you're gonna have to overcome serious obstacles.

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

Quit worrying about the road ahead.

Quit worrying about the big picture

and look at what is right in front of you.

Thank you, buddy. You are much appreciated.

Overcome that obstacle and move on.

It's one step at a time.

Look at them little teeth right there.

The head.

Begin by removing the lower jaw...

separating the jawbones...

and sucking the meat off.

Mmm.

The world would be a much better place

if at least once in their life,

everybody got to experience the kind of hunger

that'll make you suck the eyeballs

out of a rabbit skull with much pleasure.

[soft tense music]

[rustling]

Something just knocked over.

What the hell?

*bleep*.

*bleep*

[whoops] Hey.

[sighs]

Damn it!

Oh, you son of a *bleep*, don't you--

hey, hey, hey!

Holy *bleep*.

[sighs]

I've never seen a fisher that close before.

He wasn't shy at all. I mean, he came right up.

I thought he was gonna come in the tent.

But I'm gonna have to start closing the door when I leave

'cause he'll come in here and get my rabbit.

A fisher is a mustelid, the same family as wolverines.

Basically, it's a predator. It's not good.

And I have to compete with it

to get my rabbits before he gets them.

- [groans]

My guts are in *bleep* knots, man.

[groans]

The under bark did not help me out.

It hurt me a lot.

Sucks.

Plan for the day is to try

and get my stomach feeling better, man.

'Cause I just do not feel good, man.

I think I ought to go get some foraging done.

I'd like to get something decent in my stomach

so that it's not in knots.

I think I'm gonna go that-a-way

and try to find some wild onions.

There's less and less onions to harvest.

I've harvested a lot of them.

My body is now clinging to the weight I have left on me.

Oh, look at that.

I've found a ton of wild onions.

[soft upbeat music]

Whoo.

Let's get to collecting, huh.

This whole hillside is covered with them, too.

All the way up, which is awesome.

Oh, onion soup, how I can't wait to have you.

Awesome to know that I've got food resources again

and don't have to just starve the rest of the week.

That definitely means it ain't over.

I think I'm ready to head back.

[grunts]

I know I've got more fight in me.

I could be a week away from winning.

I gotta stick it out for my family.

I have lots of reserves to keep me going.

Just try to wait it out.

Oh, yeah.

[slurps]

That's hitting the spot, man, I don't care.

I don't care who you are.

That's hitting the spot right there.

There might be one other person out here

for all I know.

One of us is going home with the win,

and I ain't leaving till they pull me.

[soft dramatic music]

- I like these pants.

I stole these from Fish and Game.

I never thought I'd be this light.

Think I'll take a little, short walk

and let's go check out the snares.

I can't even describe how much I would love

to go home right now.

Difficult thing about this

is you don't know when the end is, so you can't count down.

I heard a quote one time.

Said that "Money is what we trade our lives for."

That's pretty damn true.

*bleep*. That little bastard.

There's tracks right here.

So here's his track.

And there's my snare right there.

His track actually comes up right to the snare

and checks it.

That is not good. *bleep*.

I knew this was gonna happen, I mean, it's inevitable.

There's predators out searching around.

And if I catch a rabbit, he's gonna find it.

I'm wasting my time.

[indistinct]

And there's blood in the snow.

[chuckles]

This is a problem.

[wind howling]

He got a rabbit out of this trap here.

Can't trap him.

I don't know what--I don't know what you're supposed to do

when you can't do your-- your hands are tied.

It's--[chuckles]

He'll be back every night.

Every day, he'll do this.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

That's, uh...

it's not good.

Not good at all.

It's deep into the season

and I'm not eating enough to keep my weight up.

And so I know that I've got

very limited time to find food.

So each one of those animals

just becomes more and more important to me.

That's what I'm depending on.

But that fisher's coming back

on a regular basis to get my rabbits,

and there's nothing to be done about it.

The regulations say that I can't shoot them.

And that fisher may be the reason

that I have to go home.

- Today is day 71.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

I'm here alone.

Away from all that family

and good times.

Sure am thinking about 'em, though.

First thing on the list is to get some water.

This is gonna be icy as *bleep*.

I gotta be really careful.

How in the *bleep* am I gonna do this?

This looks like an ice slide.

Whoa. *bleep*.

[groans]

This is *bleep* great.

I love falling and slipping. Thank you for that.

That was really pleasant.

Getting real sick of this!

Come on.

Oh-ho.

Good enough.

Every day gets tougher to be here,

especially when you've got a good life

back at home to get to, you know?

Holy crap.

Getting risky just to get water.

[sighs]

Over the hill.

Every time I think about quitting

and getting out of here, I'm just like, "No, you can't.

"You don't have a career back home.

"You don't have any way to make money right now.

"We're bringing little ones into the world, man,

and you need to do better for them."

Ooh, heart's racing.

[sighs]

My heart is beating hard right now.

I'm just feeling weird.

It's not good. It's really not good at all.

I think I'm having heart palpitations or something.

Erin said, "If you start worrying about your health

"or anything like that, call it.

It's not worth it."

She said, "I would much rather have you

than any amount of money."

Weakness, hunger, mental battles,

they're all adding up.

[sighs]

I just feel so weak and lethargic.

My body feels like it's falling apart.

I'm sorry, Erin. I'm really sorry.

- I'm sorry, Erin. I'm really sorry.

[sniffles]

You gave it everything I got.

[sniffles]

[soft downbeat music]

I know I can do a few more days.

The person I was before,

I would have quit when it got super hard.

But the hunger, the cold, the weather,

I think it just has hardened me

like quenching a blade after forging it.

But the biggest factor out here is the aloneness.

That's what takes people out more than anything else,

but not me.

I can keep pushing with mental toughness and keep going.

I wish I could be with my family right now.

Sitting down to have a good feast.

Still holding on.

I hope you guys are having a good Thanksgiving

back in America.

I hope that you're not being bombarded

with cold, windy storms.

And, um...

hopefully, I'll be back soon.

[soft dramatic music]

- [sighs] Today...

Already wanna tear up.

Might shed a lot of tears today.

Um...

[blows air] Uh...

[soft dramatic music]

I'm not even gonna try to stop.

That doesn't even do any good. [sniffles]

This is the first Thanksgiving I've been away from Liz

since we've been together, which is 23 years.

23 years, she's been by my side.

Oh, man.

Days like today make me wanna pick up that sat phone

and say, "Come and get me right now."

We'll see.

Liz and I have been together since we were 17.

She's always been there.

She has been a constant in my life.

And when something or someone is a constant in your life,

you take it for granted.

Think about your hand, your right hand--

how often do you look at your right hand

and you say, "You know what?

I am so grateful I have this right hand"?

Never, you don't ever do that.

It's just always been there

and you assume it always will be until it's not.

And then you think how good you had it

when you had that right hand.

It's photo time.

I brought a family photo with me

and I refrained from looking at it.

But at this point, I don't wanna be here.

I want to be with my family

because that is what I am thankful for.

[exhales deeply]

[sniffles]

[exhales deeply]

[sighs and sniffles]

My boy, they ain't never seen me shed a tear.

[soft tense music]

One of the things that the total isolation

has brought into focus for me is...

How incredibly lucky I am

to have her and those two boys.

I would die for any one of them in a heartbeat.

[sighs]

I am so ready to get home and to see all of them.

I'm so ready to hug my kids and to kiss my wife,

and to wake up in the morning with her beside me.

I really...

I really wanna be home.

[soft tense music]

[dramatic music]

- How's it going? [chuckles]

Yep, it's that time.

Just got to the end, man.

The last couple of days,

my heart's been pounding super hard

and breathing has been a little labored,

and I reached the point where

I just felt that I couldn't do it anymore.

[soft dramatic music]

I'm feeling emotional about leaving.

[sniffles] I didn't want to--

I didn't wanna quit.

But I'm proud of the cabin I built.

Proud of the stuff I made, and I'm proud

that I kept fighting through all the failures.

My lady has been going through pregnancy by herself

while I was out here.

I'm definitely ready to go back home,

but it's still hard.

When I set out on this adventure,

I just knew I was gonna come out

and try as hard as I could to stay as long as I could--

[sniffles] And I did that.

It's really hard to make it 73 days.

I'm leaving here with my head high.

I learned a lot about pushing past difficult times here,

mentally and physically.

And I leave here a more fulfilled person,

a more understanding person.

I know my family is gonna be proud of how I did,

even though things didn't work out as I wanted them to.

I've always lived hand to mouth pretty much

and it would have been nice to win.

But I'm just gonna have to work harder.

I'll figure out raising those two girls.

The biggest win I have is waiting back at home for me.

I wanna be a better man than I've ever been.

I can't wait to show Erin.

[energetic dramatic music]

[birds singing]

- [sighs]

Thank you for the sunshine.

Little sun on your face sure does wonders for the soul.

I'd just love to have Liz and the boys here right now.

This would be a wonderful day just to spend fishing

and turning over rocks.

Just exploring.

More days like this. This is exactly what we need.

[soft dramatic music]

They're coming by today for health check

and all that stuff,

so it's a good thing it warmed up

'cause I wasn't looking forward

to stripping down to my skivvies.

Sit in the sun on my half-finished box.

[sighs]

It's just a waiting game.

"Alone," they say, "You should go do that.

Because at the end, there may be a paycheck that's fat."

Surreal at first, reality soon sets in.

You'd best find lots of food before you get too thin.

Day after day, the time grinds by,

and about 50 days in, you begin to wonder why.

You felt it was a good idea to come to this place...

As the time grinds by and the sun sets the pace.

But the sun on your face and a hare in the pot

makes you happy to have filled this spot.

It won't be long now before I'll be headed home...

And it will be quite some time

before I feel the need to be alone.

[suspenseful dramatic music]

- Clay. - Hello.

- And turn, please.

Okay. Thanks.

How are you feeling?

- I mean, it's...

it's...

it's an amazing place. It's--it's--

the scenery is beautiful.

The weather is questionable. Um...

but...

I'm...

closing in on 100 days of being away from my family.

And that's not--that's not fun.

You know, I can handle the hunger.

I can handle the physical challenges, you know,

but the toughest part has always been...

not a word from them.

Nothing.

- How many days do you think you have left in you?

- Depends on how many rabbits and grouse I can catch.

I can make it to 90, for certain.

And then I can make it beyond that, uh...

I just don't know how far.

- Well, as it turns out...

you're not going to have to do any of that.

It's time to go home, mate.

You've outlasted everyone. - Oh, *bleep*.

I'm coming home, baby. Oh, get the coffee ready.

[soft upbeat music]

*bleep*.

Oh, *bleep*.

Oh, boys-- [sniffles]

y'all get ready

'cause we got lots of adventures to go on

when I get back.

[exhales deeply and chuckles]

Oh.

[sniffles]

[chuckles]

[sighs]

I'm thankful for every single animal, every fish,

every mushroom and berry that I found on this place.

I'm thankful for all of that. They got me to this point.

They got me through, but it doesn't matter.

I just wanna go home. I don't care.

I mean, like I said, I'm thankful for all of it,

but I'm ready to go.

I'm ready to see my kids and my wife.

I love you.

More than anything. [sniffles]

[phone line trilling]

Hey, baby.

- Oh, my God. - I love you.

- Oh, I love you so much. I've missed you so much.

- [chuckles]

I--

I'm coming home. I'm the last one here.

- Oh, my God, Clay.

- Do you got the--do you got the boys there with you?

- They're here.

- Guess what? I'm coming home to see you.

I'm the last one. [laughter]

I have missed you.

I've thought about both of you

every single day since I've been out here.

I'm so ready to be home to see you.

Love you.

This is the hardest thing I've ever done,

but for reasons I didn't expect.

I expected it to be a physical challenge,

I expected it to be

a test of

my skills,

but it's a test of will.

It's a test of fortitude,

of resolve.

It was an emotional challenge for me.

[dramatic music]

This experience changed me as a person.

When you grind against the reality of having to be there

with not enough to eat

and in total isolation from your family,

that stuff exposes you.

It grinds away the facade,

the varnish that you put on yourself,

and to have gone through it and come out the other side,

I feel a better person.

That's the real prize,

because that will be with me for the rest of my life.

That will be one of the most valuable things

that I carry away from here--

is knowing in my bones...

A much deeper appreciation for my family.