Original subtitles

1994

was a great time to be young.

MTV still played videos, bowl cuts were

socially acceptable and I was a football player

at Saint Roman High, the best darn sports school in the great state of Illinois.

All I wanted to do was play.

Football in the fall, basketball in the winter, baseball in the spring.

Looking back, if I hadn't found my confidence on those fields of glory,

I never would have made SportsCenter all those years later.

Unfortunately, that's not me...

that's me.

Pete!

Pete Hickey

freshman dick head.

Truth is I did make it to SportsCenter years later,

but not as an athlete

as a sportscaster.

Down goes Hickey.

Sadly, most of my athletic moments growing up looked like this.

Let's take a look at the highlights, shall we?

Wrestle Mania, 1988 - The Hickey family basement

Pete The Pile Driver's afraid of no man.

Those are real tears folks.

Little League, 1989 - You got this

- You got this Bases loaded, bottom of the sixth -

- You... Strike 3!

Soccer, 91

Swimming, 92

Gymnasti... we're not going to talk about that

Driveway basketball with my little sister

Hickey for the win!

My skills never quite lived up to my own imagination.

But I was convinced that would all change in high school.

Like all the greats,

that's when I would make my mark.

I just wasn't sure how yet.

You gotta stop pretending you're Rudy, dude.

You haven't seen it yet, man, You don't know how good it is.

It's got the asthma kid from "The Goonies"

He looks like a hobbit.

He does not look like a hobbit

He looks exactly like a hobbit,

he should be cast as a hobbit.

this is Rocco Cortez - 90% of his predictions about the future will come true.

- You know what your problem is? - What?

You have no respect for the bench.

See, look how great this is.

You can't make varsity by sitting on the bench, Rocco.

Dude, no one from our class is going to make varsity.

Take a look, around how many dudes you see?

A lot.

And how many of them are bigger than you?

- All of them - And how many years has

Saint Roman's been an all-guy's school?

- Every single year except... - for the freshman class this year.

That's right

We're the first co-ed class at a sports powerhouse

we got three grades ahead of us of nothing but football players,

Kate Moss has a better chance of finishing this sandwich

then we do of making varsity.

A little help?

Her name was Alex Campbell

and she was beautiful,

even in shin guards.

The ball...

A little help?

Yeah, sorry.

Nice leg, thanks

Forget her man.

Girls here aren't interested in us.

Every sophomore, junior and senior at this school is a dude.

They get playing time, they drive cars, they got pubes!

Okay, I got pubes, come on.

No, you don't...and neither do I.

I'm the only Puerto Rican on Earth without pubes.

Keep toying with me God, see what happens!

My advice?

Learn to love the bench.

Play by Play

St. Roman's - four floors of Catholic heat.

A boys' club that had finally let in some girls...

and it had no idea what to do with them.

- I'm so excited for the game - Me too!

- Do you have a dress yet? - No, we have to go shopping. - Let's go shopping!

Myself included.

Still?

I did the math, dude.

You have a -7% chance of going to Homecoming with this girl.

If I got on varsity, she'd go with me.

Or you could just grow a golden penis while you're at it.

Shut up

You're the 4th string kicker, man!

Forget football,

just go talk to her.

Hey, frosh!

Oh, crap!

What are you two doing up here?

Oh, I'm an undercover cop, he's a robot. - Huh? We're making a TV show called "Cop-bot". - It's gunna be great.

Rocco's first line of defense was usually to confuse upper-classmen

with enough nonsense that they just go away, it never worked once.

Listen frosh, this is a Junior Hall

- C'mon man, we got class in the west wing.

Don't tell for us, Dweeb. So what's it going to be?

The rip

or the flick?

The rip

The only solace in being a class of guys that was completely screwed

was that we were all completely screwed together.

I'm gunna have to start going with the flick soon, I'm running out of shirts.

You don't what the flick.

Look at Nelson over there.

The flick was a quick hand flick to the...well, you get it.

You gotta protect those babies.

Why?

Never use 'em.

Peter Hickey, please report to the office.

- What are you looking at? - Yeah, what are you looking at?

- You Hickey? - Yeah.

Coach Richie Carfora

A legend - 5 state championships in three different sports.

His entire coaching philosophy could be summed up in four simple words.

Get your ass down.

It was the fix to any problem...in a hitting slump?

Get your ass down!

Not tackling hard enough?

Get your ass down!

Constipated?

Get your ass down.

I've never been so excited to sit in my entire life.

Here's the deal kid -

You're here cuz I have a problem.

You know what my problem is?

You're a hoarder? - Children.

Everyday I deal with children.

I got an All-State kicker who loves to rollerblade

broke his leg last night.

I got two back up kickers - the moron twins -

they got into a fight over who get the job.

I had to break it up thank you very much

now they're both suspended.

That leaves me with you, Mike Hickey's little brother.

Now Mike Hickey, was a tremendous athlete

you...suck at football.

I think I'm gunna need you.

How do you feel about being my varsity kicker?

Two hours later I was home

already clearing space for my varsity letter in the Hickey Hall of Fame.

My family was a family of jocks.

Mom and Dad were college athletes,

my little sister was already playing on boys baseball teams,

and my brother Mike was a former Saint Roman god,

an atlete of considerable grace and prowess.

- Sleeper hold - No

Mike had earned a football scholarship to the University of Illinois

and was slated to start his sophomore year

until he blew out his knee

listening to Hootie and the Blowfish.

My knee!

Sadly, now he spent most of his time

playing NHL 94 and making me guess what he just ate.

God, I dunno... bread, bread?

Guess again

Soup, soup

Guess again

I don't know!

Dinner's ready

It was a trick question

I didn't eat anything, that's just my breath.

Dinner at the Hickey house was a lot like a hurry-up offense

Okay, leftover chicken from last night, cooked carrots

- cooked carrots? - cooked carrots, no salad, milk is in the fridge

You had to move fast, if you wanted to eat.

Take this move by Gracie, for example... - Stop it right there.

Gracie uses mom as a screen

gets past me and Dad - Bam!

Grabs the big piece of chicken

textbook dinner table offense.

So, uh...

I got named varsity kicker today.

Of what?

The varsity football team.

Did someone die?

No!

Dybsky broke his leg and the Muller's got suspended.

Well, you got a good leg Pete, makes sense.

Way to go.

I'm proud of you, honey.

Your brother didn't make varsity until what was it, sophomore year?

All-Conference that year, Mom... so I'm not sweating it.

We're eating, let the answering machine get it.

Ah yes, the answering machine

a staple of 90's suburbia that required your family to act

as obnoxious as humanly possible.

Uh, hi...this fly message is for Peter, this is Alex Campbell,

please give me a call back when you get the chance. 708-555-1910, thanks!

A...A girl just called you Pete

Varsity dude, it's all happening.

Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude

You're never going to believe this.

The two greatest things that could have ever happened to me just happened to me last night.

- You found two pubes? - No!

Alex Campbell called me.

Why?

She just left a message saying to call her back.

So what did she say when you called her back?

I didn't call her back

I can't call her back, are you crazy?

I don't, I don't know what to say.

What am I supposed to do? what would you say? What if I say something wrong when she gets mad at me...

- Get ahold of yourself! - I really like her!

Hey man, this is the Freshman Hall.

We didn't do anything.

Is this kid bothering you, Hickey?

Yeah, you want us to throw him in the girls bathroom?

No, no, no, no, no, he's my friend.

We're just screwing around Yeah, we were just screwing around

Alright, see you at practice

Later, little man.

Yeah...that was the second thing

I kind of made varsity, too.

Wow,

I sure didn't predict that.

Maybe that means I'll be wrong about the Cubs winning the World Series in 2016.

It's happening.

Pete Hickey, varsity phenom

lines up

Checks the wind

Just kick the ball, you jackass!

Some words of encouragement from the bench

The new varsity kicker is ready

he gives the signal

- The kick is up, it's...

That is a nightmare.

Kid's got the distance though

can't argue with that.

Who the hell are you?

Rocco

Sandwich?

So I noticed you're still talking to yourself out there.

Uh huh.

and now you're staring at this girl like a creep.

Uh huh.

Fantastic combo

Hey,

tell me something

in this Rudy movie how does he get the girl?

He doesn't

What?

I mean there's not really a girl in the movie

There's no girl in the movie?

I mean he has a girlfriend, but

he loses her.

So what does he get in the end?

He gets to play for Notre Dame.

What kind of horrible movie is this?

He gets in one play at the end, and he sacks the quarterback.

- to win the game.

No...I mean the games pretty much over by that point but it's more like a moral victory.

Alright, are you listening to me?

- Are you listening? - Yeah.

I forbid you from wasting your life on this horrible movie

I forbid it.

Is she...

Dude, I think she wants to go to Homecoming with you.

You golden penis son of a bitch.

Pete Hickey looks to lock-up his homecoming date tonight

never called a girl before in his life, but he figures how hard could it be?

Pretty freakin hard

Damn it

- Hey Mike, when you were going to Homecoming... - Shut up, shut your damn face.

Why you watching Jordan play baseball?

He's terrible.

What did you just say?

There were only a few rules in the Hickey house but one of them was definitely

"Don't talk bad about Michael Jordan"

"Ever."

Nothing, sorry.

$20 he homers right now.

Fine

- Strike 3 - Pay up

We didn't shake on it.

Dad!

Will you wait 'till commercial for Cripe's sakes,

Michael Jordan is playing baseball!

- Might as well be living on the moon.

Bringing Terry? Just let Dave do it.

Good luck...she's on the phone with Aunt Marine.

My mom and my aunt Marine had once talked an entire Fourth of July weekend,

this was not looking good.

Two words Mo, NordicTrack.

I needed a new plan.

In 1994 there was only one other way to make a phone call in the Hickey house -

the car phone.

A technology so advanced I'd only seen my dad use it once.

It was to remind my mom to tape a double episode of "Coach".

Well, just tape over Mike's first communion then.

It's a double episode, Clare!

That call cost $47

and my dad forbid anyone from ever using the phone, ever again

but desperate times called for desperate measures.

- Hello. - Uh, hi, uh, Mr. Campbell this is P...

- Do you know what time it is?

I was just wondering if I could t... - Don't tell me you're calling for my daughter after 10 on a school night.

- Hello?

- Oh, now I'm mad, now I'm invested now I got a reason to go...

Hey Dad.

Okay, so you got grounded trying to ask a girl to homecoming.

So what?!

You have bigger fish to fry.

- Right? - Right!

- This is your varsity debut, right? - Right!

- Okay! - Yeah! - Good!

- FYI, though... - Yeah?

Alex is here, and she's wondering why you haven't called her back yet.

- She said that? - I have a source who confirms this

- Who's your source? - Pissy Nguyen

Pissy Nguyen? The guy who told us his cousin's in Nirvana.

You don't think he is?

There are three people in Nirvana, Rocco.

Do any of them look like Pissy?

Okay

so maybe my source isn't 100% reliable.

But this is the biggest game of the year

she's got to be here.

So just kick the game-winning field goal and she'll fall in love with you

and I can finally throw someone a bachelor party, right?

Right!

- Right? - Right!

- Are you all ready for this? - I've been ready for this my whole life!

That sounds like a line from "Rudy". It is.

Alright, I'm gunna let it slide this time

Alright, let's go!

Let's go! Let's go, let's go, go, go!

Woah, woah, woah, woah, where do you think you're going?

- To kick off - No, no, no, no, no

Zagorski's handling that, no field goals tonight.

You didn't think I was actually going to play you, did you?

Look kid, your last name's Hickey, it looks good on the depth charts.

You're here because I wanna keep St. Pat's on their toes

you'll be lucky if you get into a game when you're a senior.

Now get your ass down on the bench and, uh, shut up.

Go, go, go, go, go

Hey

Cheer up

you still made varsity.

It's impressive just to ride the bench on varsity.

You're riding it right now and you're not even in pads.

It's the clipboard,

people think I'm important.

Clickboard Guy, we going with the Nickle D again?

Definitely...Nickle all the way.

I...I don't even know what that means.

I can't sit on this thing anymore.

Sometimes it takes a kick in the balls to make you finally use 'em.

A last-minute botched handoff helps, too.

Hey, coach! Coach!

- Put me in - Get back on the bench

Look, you're down two and your QB can't lift his throwing arm. You got one play left,

let me kick.

I said back on the bench.

I am the best chance you have to win.

No.

Put me in...you fat, Italian asshole!

- I'll hit it. - You better.

Field goal unit - On

Right now? Oh.

Holy crap rivers

Go, Pete! - He's in!

Come on, Pete!

This was it...

the play I'd been dreaming about my whole life.

Homecoming '94, what is up?!

I'd just kicked the winning field goal in a varsity football game

nothing could ever take that away from me.

Except a flag.

Holding offense, ten yard penalty, repeat first down.

What!?!

I'd love to tell ya I hit another one right after that

but I didn't.

I missed

by about 30 feet actually.

but that's sports -

swings and misses.

If you're lucky though,

sometimes the misses lead you to the right spot anyway.

Admit it, "Rudy" made you cry.

I didn't cry, I'm just allergic to crappy movies

it's medical.

Can we just walk home, man?

Dude, can I be honest with you?

You're a much better talker than you are a kicker.

Who cares about varsity?

Just go talk to her.

You'll go with me?

I'm your Beavis, Butt-head.

Hey

shouldn't you guys be, uh, inside at the dance.

- It's too hot inside.

Uh, yeah, with all those sweaty old dudes right?

I'm Pete, this is my buddy Rocco.

Ladies. Popcorn?

I'm Alex, you never called me back.

I did, but your dad answered and he was pretty upset.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that

there were all these guys asking me to homecoming, they kept calling after like 9 on a school night.

Idiots.

So...why did you call me?

I wanted to do an article on you for the school paper.

Only freshman to make varsity - that's pretty cool!

Well, I mean for like one game.

so, uh...you're a sports writer.

Well, trying to be.

You should come to one of our meetings sometime maybe we could work on a story together.

Yeah...sports writing...that'd be fun.

Ugh, girls...

That our cue.

These older guys are fun, but who likes Boys to Men anymore?

Yeah, I hate Boys to Men

they suck, those guys inside suck.

OK,

We gotta go.

See you guys.

- She touched my arm, did you see that? - I did.

That must be Alex's date's coat.

That's the guy who ripped your shirt, right?

It's funny,

high school shapes us in ways we'd never expect.

When I was 14 I thought St. Roman's was where I'd become a great athlete.

But really, it was where I'd start to find my voice.

Woaaah, Pete Hickey, nice.

You know what, Rocco?

Sometimes you just got to take life by the... - Hey, that's my coat!

And that, sports fans, is your highlight of the week.