Original subtitles

If you really, really, really, really love me

Then you really, really, really Gotta show me

Don't whine when I put it in your booty

Or if I'm up all night Playin' Call of Duty

Never hassle me because I'm unemployed

If I sleep all day, don't get annoyed...

I know I'm the last person that you wanna hear from

- right now, Chris, and I can't... - [imitates farting]

I can't apologize enough for...

- [blows raspberry] - [laughs]

I know that you're mad, but from the bottom of my heart...

[both blow raspberry]

I really am sorry. I'm just trying to...

What were you gonna say?

- I was saying... - [blows raspberry]

I am just trying to apologize.

And I just thought you were my fucking friend!

Set me up to take the fall and then you try to send me to prison,

and you think "I'm sorry" is gonna cut it?

- Cut it! [blows raspberry] - Dude, we're off it.

We are?

I'm getting so many moral judgments from people who regularly kill people.

I don't kill people for nothing, all right?

- When my brother died, I made a vow. - Right, the vow.

- Anyone I'd kill, I'd kill for peace. - Oh, Jesus.

So unlike Keith, no one would ever die for no reason again.

Well, that's fucking stupid.

So you're gonna make it so that death isn't meaningless anymore?

Go fuck yourself.

I read your file, Chris.

It was an accident. You were a child.

Don't forgive me, that's fine.

But stop letting that shit define who you are.

Are you guys serious right now?

We just had a really sick time murdering Peacemaker's dad.

Then all these hilarious fart jokes.

Just like an all-time classic run with my best friend,

my second best friend, Eagly,

my fifth best friend, Adebayo.

And now you guys are ruining it.

[theme song playing]

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it

- Get it on - Get it on top

Make a move extreme

- Make a pose - Shortcut to your dreams

I float straight to the stars On that flying thing

- Getting high - Getting brave

- Getting snowblind, game - Set, go

Pick a tune, chick harpoon In a world beyond

Got a beat, got a heat On a phony string

Tear your world apart

Once the magic starts

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it

What's going up must come down

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it

Baby you're losing ground

Blind to what you'll soon become

The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong

- But you - Dancing with your blinkers on

Throw your dog the invisible bone

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it

What's going up must come down

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it?

Baby you're losing ground

Blind to what you'll soon become

The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong

- But you - Dancing with your blinkers on

Throw your dog the invisible bone

[Eagly screeching]

Mom, there are way more butterflies than we thought,

and the whole team is injured.

So I was thinking, like, maybe you could call in the Justice League.

No, I'm not kidding.

Can you believe Amanda Waller's her fucking mother?

- Yes. - Do we have time to wait for backup?

No, they're teleporting the creature out of here.

Mom, they're teleporting the creature out of here.

This is our only chance to stop them, then we're back to square fucking one.

Then we're back to square one.

All right.

All right. I will tell her.

Fine. My mom says you're in charge,

and Economos and I should stay back in case anything goes wrong.

Copy, Mom.

Yes, ma'am.

[growling]

How much longer is it going to be?

The teleporter is nearly installed and functional.

As soon as it is, they'll move her to the eastern base.

Quickly, please.

Forces could arrive any minute, and without her we're all dead.

If Waller is your mom, why is your last name Adebayo?

I took my wife's name.

[Vigilante] Doesn't that make you the girl in the relationship?

We're both girls in the relationship, Adrian.

That's what being a lesbian is.

[Leota] Hey, Peacemaker.

What do these do?

This is Underwater World. Allows you to breathe underwater.

Okay. Not sure how we can use that.

This one's Scabies for All.

Upon activation, it gives everybody in one-mile radius scabies,

except, of course, the wearer of the helmet.

This one is Anti-Gravity. Allows you to float.

Aimlessly?

No, I carry a tiny hand fan to guide me.

This is Sonic Boom.

That's the one I used to stop the rocker chick.

How many booms does it produce on one charge?

I don't know. Three. Maybe four.

- This one, we should just throw away. - What is it?

Human Torpedo.

Just aim your head at whatever you wanna destroy and you become a...

- Human torpedo. - Sweet.

Yeah. Only sweet if you wanna risk shattering every bone in your body.

That's just a prototype.

Okay, so let's say I wanna get this Sonic Boom helmet

onto the top of that barn over there without being seen.

Just the helmet itself?

No, I'm gonna put a walkie in it and activate it from here.

And then maybe you can put on Activate Anti-Gravity

and just float it over there.

- Okay, I forgot my tiny hand fan... - Uh, guys...

But, you know, once in the jungles of Cambodia,

I used two oversized palm fronds...

Guys!

Fuck! Deactivate anti-gravity! Deactivate anti-gravity!

- Did you say "activate anti-gravity"? - No.

- Maybe. I don't know. - You can't fucking say that shit.

I didn't know it was that voice sensitive.

Fuck it. No big deal. I didn't just kill the only man who knows how to make it.

You did just kill the only man who knows how to make it.

I know, bro! I was being sarcastic.

Well, if you're gonna be sarcastic,

you should really warn people so there's no confusion.

Okay, so how do we get the Sonic Boom helmet over to the barn?

Well, we can shoot a fishing line over the barn

from one of these trees here and just let the helmet slide down.

- Like Green Arrow? - No, not like Green Arrow.

That dude goes to Brony Conventions

dressed in the back half of Twilight Sparkle

with a four-inch wide butthole drilled in the costume.

Maybe it's so he can breathe properly.

You actually believe that shit?

He has an insane story for every single superhero.

No, I actually heard that's true about Green Arrow,

but that's the first thing he's said that's real.

- And Aquaman fucking fish? - Well, yeah, obviously.

It doesn't even matter. We don't have any bows.

But we do have a team member capable of flight.

[screeches]

Get the fuck out.

That's right. Good. Okay.

I need you to take that helmet

and drop it on top of that barn.

No way can an eagle understand what you're saying.

Oh, Eagly is no ordinary eagle. [chuckles]

No.

Eagly, take it.

No, Eagly, just take the helmet.

Take it. Take it.

[screeches]

I know you don't like her.

The mean blonde woman has nothing to do with this.

- No, no. - No, no.

- Eagly, take the helmet. - No, take the helmet.

- Take the helmet. - Eagly, take the helmet.

Eagly, take the helmet.

Good, Eagly, good. Good boy.

You got it.

Go to the barn. Go the barn.

Shit.

I knew there was no way he knew what you were talking about.

Peacemaker is a great guy in almost every way,

but his biggest flaw is that he commonly overestimates Eagly's abilities.

Okay, they could be teleporting this cow at any minute.

We need to fan out and look for the helmet.

[sighs]

Easy. Easy.

[snarls]

Do you see anything over there?

I saw a squirrel a couple of seconds ago. Ants.

No, dude. I'm talking about the helmet.

Well, then you should be more specific.

We're looking for a helmet. Why do I care if you saw ants?

Because the circle of life, bro.

What do ants have to do with the circle of life?

They're one of the most important parts of it.

How are ants a more important part of the circle of life than, like, fish?

- Is that a serious question? - What?

There are shitloads of ants. How many fish are there?

I don't know, but probably as many as there are ants.

[laughs] Not in one place at the same time, dude.

Okay, I'm as confused as fuck by this conversation.

Yeah, well, welcome to the fucking club.

Oh, fuck.

So... [sighs] Why'd you change your mind and decide to come?

I saw an eagle hug a human, so I thought maybe it was a sign.

- To risk your life? - Yep.

Why wasn't it a sign to, like, run in the opposite direction?

Fuck.

We are never gonna find this dumb fucking hat.

You thought you could lose me by killing me, boy?

I'm in your head.

I'm the reason you kill and the reason you can't sleep at night.

My body may be gone,

but the rest of me is right here,

and I ain't going nowhere.

- What the fuck are you doing? - Getting my poison blowgun, fucko.

Why don't you just go for your piece, cumstain?

You're metaphorical, douchewad. My gun's real.

I don't want the butterflies to hear.

I almost tricked you, fuck nugget!

You didn't trick shit, you ballsack-looking fuck.

I immediately went for my blowgun.

I didn't think for a second of going for my gun.

[blows]

How do you like that, huh?

Thanks for coming back, ghost,

so I can kill you all over again.

Smith... what are you doing?

Nothing.

Holy shit.

Whoa.

I need you to do something else for me.

Are you fucking kidding me?

The only way for us to get the helmet inside of the barn

is by one of us going in undercover.

They're gonna notice Adebayo and me with these injuries.

Cool. I'll do it.

You can't do it, man. Goff knows what we look like.

I'll wear a funny nose.

John, you're the only one.

I don't even wanna be here. And why are these wet?

- I washed them in the creek. - Why?

One of the things us warriors seldom talk about

is how often people shit themselves when they die.

It's a touch of gray in the white cloud of kicking ass.

So now you want me to risk my life while wearing diarrhea pants?

Hey, nobody said anything about diarrhea. I said it was shit.

- Was it diarrhea? - Yes, it was.

John, you can do this.

Just act like they act. Don't show any expression.

- Yeah, like Harcourt. - Eat my dick, Schwarze-never.

They're aliens. Do they even speak English?

They retain the memories of the bodies they've taken over,

so they seem to primarily use English when communicating.

Fuck. Fine.

- Can you look away? - Happily.

- John, you copy? - Yes, copy.

Don't look back.

They're everywhere. This is fucking stupid.

Remain calm.

Head towards the barn like you know what you're doing.

- Relax your face. - Shut up. I know.

Hey.

Fuck.

Where you going?

I'm going inside.

Why?

Fuck.

Because of this bag.

What the fuck does that mean?

Okay. Just wanted to make sure.

[gagging]

How the fuck did that work?

[vomiting]

[retches, coughs]

[retching] Sorry.

I have a real bad gag reflex.

Oh, shit. I'm good.

- I'm good. - Would you shut the fuck up?

[sniffles, sighs]

I can't do this.

I can't do this.

John, you're already inside. You're doing great.

Please. What's there?

[exhales, coughs]

Uh...

Stairs...

and an elevator.

An elevator's noisy. Head down the stairwell.

Yeah, of course. You head down the fucking stairwell.

John, don't creep.

You have to act normal, like you're supposed to be there.

We just need you to place the helmet down as low as possible.

[creature growling]

Oh, no.

John?

John, you copy?

[growling]

Uh-uh.

Fuck it.

No more kaijus. No more kaijus.

- Fuck this. - John, do you copy?

[Economos panting]

Jesus fucking Christ. What the fuck is that?

Cow, my ass. It's a motherfucking caterpillar

the size of the Empire State Building.

Get ready.

- We need to get the fuck out of here. - Hey!

[Economos] Fuck.

The man you've taken over...

why did he do that to his beard?

Do what?

Why did the color his beard all strange like that?

He thought it made him look younger and more handsome.

He never had a girlfriend,

so he thought dyeing his beard might help.

But he was also lazy and busy with his job,

and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly.

And when he did, he uses the cheapest brand

because he was incredibly underpaid.

Mostly, though,

he never thought anybody noticed...

until recently,

when one guy said it to him all the time.

[suspenseful music playing]

Humans can be really pathetic.

Yeah.

Fine, I dye my beard, all right? We all know it.

I guess I learned my lesson.

L'Oréal probably is worth the extra few bucks.

Hey! That guy just put this down here.

- Fuck. Do it now! Do it! - Activate sonic...

What the fuck?

- How'd that even happen? - My hands are sweaty.

No, get the fuck off me!

Activate sonic boom.

No.

Wait.

- Now. - Activate sonic boom.

Fuck. Oh, God, fuck. Fuck.

Activate sonic boom.

No.

[growling]

[grunts]

Activate sonic boom.

Well, that's it for the charges.

No.

[growling continues]

[gun cocking]

- Look, I can help. - We need you to stay here, Ads.

If something happens to us, you're the only hope.

What the fuck am I?

What's the plan, man?

Let's go kill a cow.

[theme song playing]

[snarls]

[grunting]

- [grunting] - [butterfly screeches]

Oh, God!

[grunting]

- [grunts] - [screams]

Chris, go kill the cow! We'll hold them off here!

Don't fuck with my BFF.

[groans softly]

Oh, darn it.

- Oh, my God. - What's happening? I can't see.

Harcourt is down.

What?

What the fuck do we do?

Wait. What are you doing?

No, no, Adebayo, you can't. You'll get hurt.

You can't do this. Hey, what makes you think you can do this?

Because I'm made for this shit.

Dude, God damn it. You're gonna get hurt.

Fuck.

What the fuck? What the fuck?

Oh, my God! Oh, shit!

What the fuck?

[Adebayo screaming]

- [butterfly screeching] - [Harcourt grunts]

[coughs, gasps]

Stay with me.

Help... Chris.

I have to get you out of here.

- Go. - And do what?

[Economos] Leota. [coughs]

[grunts]

Be with me, baby Jesus.

Okay.

Oh...

[breathing heavily]

[machine beeping]

Oh.

[grunts]

[grunts]

- Goff? - Yeah.

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

[Adebayo grunting]

Activate human torpedo!

Adebayo, no!

[screaming]

[grunts]

Ugh, Jesus, I told her not to use that one.

Listen to me. I have no reason to hurt you.

Stop fighting.

Follow me.

[creature growling]

[coughs, whimpers]

[growling]

Holy cow.

It is.

All right, you found him.

I need three sets of hands to teleport her away from here.

Come again?

See that switch?

I need you to flip that while Locke and I work these two stations

to teleport the cow to our cavern in Maine.

Why the fuck would I help you?

Because I know that once I tell you the truth

like I did with Judomaster, you'll join us.

Murn told us the truth already.

You've murdered innocent people all over the country

by taking them over in your dipshit quest for power.

We're not doing this for power.

We're doing it because we took a vow.

[crying]

[groans, coughs]

Our kind traveled here from a planet that had become unlivable.

Your planet had the habitat we needed.

Water to drink and air to breathe.

Your food couldn't sustain us, but...

That's why we brought her.

The cow would help the last of our people

survive for another 100 years.

But not long after we arrived, we realized the people of Earth

were on the exact same trajectory as our people had been.

Ignoring science in favor of populist leaders

who tell you that the floods and the fires and the disease

are unrelated to your own actions.

Valuing profit over survival.

Treating minor inconveniences as assaults on your freedom.

And so we made a vow to do anything we could to change your future.

We made a vow to make the choices for you

that you were incapable of making on your own

to save your people and your world, no matter how many lives it cost us.

Murn disagreed with our methods.

He didn't think we had the right to impose our will.

But you're one of us, Christopher Smith.

Please, God.

[groaning]

I'll do whatever you want me to do...

for peace.

Thank you for feeding me

and talking to me and showing me kindness.

I see who you are and I see your character.

I tried telling you yesterday in the jar.

The peace sign.

Please... fulfill your calling.

Be the Peacemaker.

Join us in saving your planet.

What do you say?

Activate human torpedo.

What?

[Adebayo screaming]

[growling]

Sorry, Goff.

[growls]

What the fuck?

Ugh! Fucking disgusting! Fuck!

[spits, coughs]

[groans]

Oh.

Thank you.

Hey, guys, what's up?

You're late, you fucking dickheads.

Go fuck another fish, asshole.

I'm so fucking sick of that rumor.

It's... not a rumor.

Fuck you, Barry.

[triumphant music playing]

Let's go.

Dude, you're shot. You gotta be admitted.

I'm fine, seriously. All I need is a good nap.

Did you hear all that stuff Goff said?

Yep.

Did I just...

kill the world?

Maybe.

Or maybe you just gave us a chance to make our own choices

instead of our bug overlords.

Why did you choose not to help them?

Because of your proto-fascist libertarian idea of freedom?

Because I knew they'd hurt you and the others if I did.

I'm sorry I betrayed you.

I know.

[breathes sharply]

Where are you going?

To do the right thing.

Ads?

Don't tell V, but...

After Eagly,

you're my BFF.

Well you know my game

Dirty like my name

And you're an angel

You're perfection in every way

Say I'm a bad man...

[microphone feedback]

Yes, that does mean Christopher Smith never wrote any diary.

Both the Peacemaker and the costumed crime fighter Vigilante

were working in a deep cover operation for the US government

called Project Butterfly.

This is all part of a black ops program known as Task Force X,

where convicted criminals are undertaking

dangerous missions for the United States

in exchange for time off their sentences.

It's been running for years out of Belle Reve Prison

under the command of a...

of a woman named Amanda Waller...

What the fuck?

Who happens to be my mother.

Now I'm calling for an immediate investigation into these inhumane...

- Mr. Smith? - ...abuses of power.

...darkness into light

But I want you to know

That no matter how this goes

Are you listening?

Tell me are you listening?

I heard you've been out there for days.

Every time I made you wait

Every time you lied awake

And you swore my name for my bad mistake

Every time I lie to you

I wish I would have told the truth

For all those times

I apologize to you

To you

Oh every time I kiss your lips

It drives me crazy

Beautiful

Beautiful

Yeah

Every time I come home late

Every time I made you wait

Every time you lied awake

And you swore my name For my bad mistake yeah

Every time I lie to you

I wish I would have told the truth

For all those times

I apologize

For all those times

I apologize to you

Fucking... Go, go, go!

Fuck!

- Whoa! - [Vigilante laughs]

Fuck!

- [Vigilante laughs] - Whoa!

[both laughing]

Every time I come home late

Every time I made you wait

Every time you lied awake

And you swore my name For my bad mistake yeah

Every time I lie to you

I wish I would have told the truth

For all those times

I apologize

- For all those times - [Eagly screeches]

I apologize to you

To you

To you

To you yeah yeah

To you

To you

To you yeah

To you

To you

To you, yeah

To you

To you

To you

[Eagly screeches]

Down down that beat to the floor

You can't kill my rock 'n roll

I wanna go out

I wanna go out tonight

Need to see the ones I like

No hard times just pure delight

I call you up, what's on your mind?

Why can't you come? Let's not waste more time

Down down that beat to the floor

What we are living for

Don't be a whiny bore

You can't kill my rock 'n roll

Down down for rock 'n roll

If you're gonna be sarcastic,

you should really warn people so there's no confusion.

What?

For instance, like, I'm about to be sarcastic, okay?

- Okay. - You're not fat at all. See?

Why are you all so obsessed with my physical appearance?

Sarcasm, I haven't noticed you eating way more corn chips

than any one human being should eat,

and I'm not worried that you're gonna die.

- But I am worried that you're gonna die. - Thanks.