Original subtitles

[Peacemaker reading]

[Waller] This is Christopher Smith, known as Peacemaker.

His father was a soldier who trained his son

how to kill from the moment he was born.

You fail to follow my orders

and I detonate the explosive device in the base of your skull.

Your mission is to destroy every trace of Project Starfish.

I cherish peace with all my heart.

[groaning]

I don't care how many men, women and children I need to kill to get it.

- Who are you going to show that to? - Press. People deserve to know.

- [gun cocking] - I can't let you do that, Colonel.

Miss Waller charged me with making sure those records don't leave this building.

[groans]

[straining]

Peacemaker. What a joke.

[grunts]

Project Starfish. It's headed towards the city,

and I think it wants to feed on as many people as it can.

Not our problem.

We've achieved the objective.

[Waller] What are you doing, Task Force X?

Turn around now, god damn it.

This is your last motherfucking warning!

- [grunts] - [body thuds]

Task Force X.

Your clearest path is Calle Agüero.

[female doctor] You're shot and a building falls on you.

And all you have to replace is the clavicle?

You're the luckiest man alive.

- Can I ask you something, Doc? - Sure.

Can you maybe up the contrast of the x-ray a little more

to show the definition of my muscles.

This makes me look like one of those guys

who works out only thinking about bulk.

I put a lot of time in my small muscle groups

and according to this, it was just wasted effort.

It's not for your Tinder profile, Chris.

You've healed well, but you're still gonna have to take it easy.

Try to avoid lifting your right elbow above your shoulder.

Sure.

So, as long as you agree to keep up with the physical therapy,

I'm discharging you.

So I can leave?

Go home. Enjoy life.

Psst.

Jamil?

I don't have any weed on me, man.

- That was a one-time thing. - It's not that, man.

Doctor said I was free to go.

Congratulations?

Jamil, you cool?

What does that mean?

Dude, can I trust you?

- No. - No?

- I don't know you, man. - Dude, I really need some man to trust.

Don't trust me, man.

We smoked weed together, man. I was in a fucking wheelchair.

I can't pretend like that wasn't a nice moment,

but that doesn't make me trustworthy.

- I ain't trustworthy worth shit. - What?

Why do you think I'm mopping floors, bro?

I went to MIT. I don't like the responsibility.

- You went to MIT? - Oh, yeah.

What the fuck you doing here?

That's my fucking point, man. Why aren't you listening to me?

Fine. Fuck it. Don't be trustworthy.

Just let me ask you a question and don't tell anybody about, okay?

I would never betray a secret.

It is the opposite of everything you've been saying.

Truth is, I'm supposed to be in prison.

- For what? - Superhero shit.

[laughing]

- You're a superhero? - Yeah.

You're kind of bulky to be a superhero, right?

- Bulky? what the fuck you mean bulky? - All superheroes have a gymnast body.

They're ready to go.

- I'm ready to go. - What superhero are you?

- Peacemaker. - Get out of here, motherfucker.

- You're a fan? - There's no superhero called Peacemaker.

- Dude, I'm fucking famous. - Not that famous. Aquaman. He's famous.

- Fuck Aquaman. - No, man.

- Don't say that. Why say that? - He bangs chicks. Good for him.

He fucks dudes. Got no problem with that.

He starts fucking fish? That's taking it a step too far.

- Aquaman fucks fish? - Yeah.

I don't believe it.

[scoffs] A guy on Twitter works for the aquarium.

Said for 50 bucks, he brings him in the back

- so he can have his way with a sturgeon. - I refuse to believe that.

And I refuse to believe that @PepeTheFrog89

is lying to me for no reason.

Fine. If you're a superhero, what were you in prison for?

Integrity.

I made a vow to have peace,

no matter how many people I have to kill to get it.

- Oh! Peacemaker. - Yes!

- You're that racist superhero. - No.

You only kill minorities, man.

I killed a fair amount of white people too.

The ratio is suspect is all I have to say.

- If somebody is committing a crime... - Yes.

...am I supposed to control what their ethnicity is?

No. But you need to watch white people as closely as you watch people of color

so you see more of them committing crime.

Fine. That's... That's a good point.

I will trust white people less in the future

and kill a higher percentage of them. Are you satisfied?

Yes, thank you.

- Now, what do you need? - Doctor said, I was free to go.

So technically I should go back to prison.

What I need to know is on the DL,

is there anybody out there looking for me?

Not that I heard of, man.

No cops outside? Nothing?

I ain't seen no cops.

I'm thinking, I can just go?

Why not?

[scoffs] Guy's a total douchebag.

Go. Drive.

Yes! [grunts]

[theme song playing]

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it!

- Get it on - Get it on top

Make a move extreme

- Make a pose - Shortcut to your dreams

Float straight to the stars on that flying thing

- Getting high - Getting brave

- Getting snowblind, game - Set, go

Pick a tune, chick harpoon In a world beyond

Get a beat, got a heat On a phony string

Tear your world apart

Once the magic starts

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it!

What's going up must come down

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it!

Baby, you're losing ground

Blind to what you'll soon become The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong

- But you - Dancing with your blinkers on

Throw your dog the invisible bone

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it!

What's going up must come down

Do ya really wanna Do ya really wanna taste it!

Baby, you're losing ground Blind to what you'll soon become

The mirror lies, the whole world's wrong

- But you - Dancing with your blinkers on

Throw your dog the invisible bone

I thought I was going to be like James Bond now.

- We made it. - [sighs]

Oh, yes.

- Does this look like James Bond to you? - Come on.

Man, I want champagne in a bathtub and some Octopussys and shit.

Okay, girl, you better not be getting any "Octopussys" while we're up here.

What is an octopussy anyway?

Uh, that's who Maud Adams played in the movie.

Okay, so she had eight pussies?

[laughs] As far as I know, she only had one pussy.

- That's just her name. - Okay.

This might be a good time for me to bring up...

I've been thinking if we have a kid, I'd like to name her Octopussy.

- [laughing] Is that so? Really? - That's so.

- And if it's a boy, Sharknado. - Okay,

Well, I hope then that it's a boy,

because I don't think my parents would be too happy

with a granddaughter named Octopussy.

- Really? - Yeah.

'Cause I think Lois and Chuck would love that.

[laughs]

- What's wrong? - Just worried.

This job of yours, it might be dangerous or...

They got me filing papers and making reservations.

Hope it stays that way.

Keeya. This is just a pay check.

It's just for now.

I know that I'm not made for this shit.

I'll save up a little and we'll go back home.

- Okay. - Okay.

- You promise? - I got you.

I got you back.

I gotta go.

- Right now? - Yeah.

- Okay, love you. - Love you too.

[sighs]

- [driver] Here? - Yeah.

[clears throat]

- So... - So what?

And this, uh, it's Corto Maltese money.

I have no idea how much it is.

Come on. You look like a scratch lottery guy.

Make a game with it, take it to the bank.

See how much it's worth. Maybe it's 50 cents,

but maybe it's a million bucks.

It ain't a million bucks.

What's in the bag?

[dogs barking]

[sighs]

[groaning]

[grunts]

Dad.

Fuck.

[beeps]

Yo, man. It's Vigilante. What up?

Uh, I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a team up tonight.

Peacemaker. It's your BFF, Vigilante here. What's going on, man?

Uh, what do you say we go cruise some crimes and bitches?

whichever comes first. BFF stands for best friends for...

P, it's V. Are you watching this game, dude? It is so...

Dude, I realized in the last message,

I called you P and me V

as if you were a penis and I was a vagina, like,

definitely, it was not my intention.

Peacemaker. It's Vigilante.

I just got the scoop on a big heroin shipment coming in tonight.

- Let's go down there... - Don't be saying that shit

- on my phone, man. What the fuck! - ...and blow those

- motherfuckers' head up! - [beeps]

[sighs]

- [gun cocking] - Stay where you are, Smith.

- [gun cocking] - [twigs breaking]

Fuck.

Fuck. I knew it was fucking too good to be true.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

My life fucking sucks.

Ugh, fuck it.

I'm... I'm good. I'm fucking... I'm good.

Fuck!

You only served four years of your 30-year sentence.

I mean, you thought we were just gonna let you go scot-free?

Yeah, I killed Rick Flag for you people.

No one ever told you to kill Flag.

Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure

those Project Starfish files didn't get out.

I made the only choice I could.

Funny for you how often the only choice in killing people coincides.

- What the fuck is he doing? - I have low blood sugar, okay,

so I'm dizzy.

You showed you were loyal.

You're a born killer with expertise

in every weapon known to human kind.

And you've had experience in black ops around the globe,

so I'm giving you the chance to stay out of prison and work for me.

- And you are? - Name's Murn.

Clemson Murn?

That's right.

I report directly to Amanda Waller.

This is Harcourt who you may know from Waller's team at Belle Reve.

She'll be your handler in the field.

John Economos, who you may also know as tech and tactics.

Hey, dude, you're eating four-year-old olives out of my fucking fridge.

[chokes]

And this is our new recruit, Leota Adebayo.

Which means she'll be doing most everything else.

Glad to be here.

Ready to kick some ass, sir.

And really looking forward to getting to know all of you.

Even you, Peacemaker.

[stuttering] Even though you're not the best guy in the world.

And Economos, you seem like, you're very easy to talk to, so.

- I look forward to working with you. - [laughs]

Harcourt, I feel like because we're the only women here,

we have to have each other's back.

Anything you need, I got you.

And Mr. Murn,

I have to say your outfits are really dapper.

I'm really excited to be here.

And I promise, you're not gonna regret this.

I know inside my mind,

I'm not supposed to be giving a speech,

but sometimes my mouth just does what it wants, so...

Close mouth and bite my tongue right now.

Not gonna talk again.

I'm done talking.

What's the op?

Domestic situation, known as Project Butterfly.

As I recall, you guys aren't particularly creative

with case file names.

Project Starfish was a giant walking starfish.

So what, am I fighting a Mothra right now?

[John snickers]

I am?

Fighting a Mothra? What the fuck do I fight a Mothra for?

That's not what it is.

- Can I get a jetpack? - No.

How the fuck am I supposed to fight a Mothra

- without a jetpack? - It's not a Mothra.

Still, my desire for jetpack remains because you got me all excited about it.

We need you to do contract work.

- Kill people. - Bad people.

- Whom we call "Butterfly." - [sighs] What if I say no?

- You'll have to return to Belle Reve. - What's to keep me from splitting?

Still have that bomb in your head to track you with and if that fails,

we'll blow you the hell up.

We'll meet you for dinner tonight. 7:30 at...

- Where is it? - Fennel Fields on Manchester Road

and the mozzarella sticks are dope.

Enjoy my food, Dye-Beard.

- [scoffs] It's not dyed. - Yeah, sure.

Hard-edged two-tone grey magic marker brown.

- That's natural. - [laughing] No.

I'll be there. I just gotta swing by my dad's and get Eagly.

Who's Eagly?

Don't you do your research?

He's my sidekick.

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Welcome to the church of rock and roll

Hey!

- You that Peacemaker guy? - Yeah.

- Evil supervillain? - Not a supervillain.

That's a misconception. I'm superhero.

- [laughs] Batman is a superhero. - Yeah?

Joe Blaggadashiocentro should send for us to do work in his fucking garden.

Joe who?

Point is just 'cause some other dumb motherfuckers out there

with shears clipping roses doesn't mean you aren't. Huh?

If you're gonna make up a person,

why make up a person with such a long name?

I'm so sorry. I don't spend all my fucking time

thinking of realistic sounding last names.

You wriggly old fuck!

Hey, Dad.

Fuck you.

[man on TV]...below their lying, liberal human faces,

lurk extraterrestrial beings who want nothing other

than our civilization to fail!

They are among us.

I got enough tension to got to have you chatting up

- my fruity neighbors. - The guy was talking to me.

He's being a total nad.

Got out of prison.

You don't say.

It's been kind of rough go for me really, Dad. I was...

laid up in the hospital for, like, five months.

Somebody shot me and a building had fell on me.

You let somebody shoot you?

It's not like I invited them to come shoot me, Dad.

Pathetic.

[sighs]

- New lamp? - Huh?

The lamp, is it new?

No, it's three months old.

Been in prison for four years.

Doesn't make it all newer.

You know, I asked you to cancel my phone service. It was still on.

I've been paying for service for years because you forgot.

Oh, it's my fault now you fucked up and went to prison.

- That's not what I'm saying. - Then what are you saying?

It's my service. I got no money.

Jesus Christ, you're a fucking pussy.

- You've been taking Eagly out? - Yeah.

Where is he?

[screeches]

Eagly.

[continues screeching]

Who's a good boy?

Yeah. Who's Daddy's boy?

[laughing] Dad, look how excited he is.

Dad, he's just awesome, right?

Oh, my God. He's... He's hugging me.

He's hugging me.

This is fucking amazing.

Dad, grab my phone. I don't wanna move.

Dad?

Dad?

[metal clanging]

You think it makes this noise all the time?

Yeah. I don't know.

Hey, new girl. Get your shit off there.

Damn.

This is the only desk with sun. Take the one in the middle.

I don't know what you did to piss off Amanda Waller,

but she's definitely fucking me and John with this gig.

What agency did you get transferred from?

Fucking you how?

We helped Task Force X during Project Starfish

and this is her way of getting back at us.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Hey, new girl's an expert over here, John.

Well, she's entitled to her opinion.

- Thank you. - Her stupid fucking opinion.

Oh, sweet. We have a piano. That's useful for black ops.

This is the worst HQ of all time.

[clanging continues]

You guys hear that, right? It's not just me.

- We hear what? - The fucking pipe...

Nice gaslighting.

[chuckles]

You'll get a kick out of this, Dad.

The guy I was working with, Bloodsport...

Big, tough motherfucker.

Mercenary. All this weapons and shit.

We find out he's got a rat phobia,

and not just... Not just any phobia.

I mean, like pure terror, screaming like a little girl.

And this other member of the team, Ratcatcher, she controls rats.

Dad, Dad, you know how he got the phobia?

Of course, I don't fucking know how he got it.

He was tortured.

His own father tortured him by locking him in a crate for 24 hours

with nothing but starving rats.

[both laugh]

Right?

He had these horrible acne scars.

- Scars! - Yeah, but they aren't.

They were rat bites!

For when the rats would gnaw on his flesh when he was a little kid.

It's funny, right?

[coughs]

Dad?

I'll... I'll get water.

[continues coughing]

Here, here, here.

- This fag that was afraid of the rats... - Yeah.

...please, God, don't tell me he was the one who shot you.

[screeches]

You know, a lot of what happened at Corto Maltese is confidential.

How did my fucking sperm...

grow into a nancy boy like you?

Look, I just came by to get Eagly

and see if you had another helmet for me.

This one has full body force field...

and this has Sonic blast capabilities.

You need to breathe underwater, then this is one for you.

And... this one has X-ray vision.

I didn't make these things while you were in prison.

These are all from before.

I know.

I never gave you a second thought while you're in there.

Fine.

Just tell me which one you think is best.

I hesitate giving you any helmet.

As big a simp as you turned out to be.

But what the fuck!

If you can do some good work and maybe take out a couple of commies

and Blacks, a papist or kike or something,

better than sitting in this fucking closet.

Dad, that's not my thing. Um...

I do what I do to stop criminals, not a specific...

[sarcastically] Yeah, sure.

I forgot to close the balcony door and when I came home,

my living room was full of pigeons.

Are you kidding me?

No, there was, like, ten of them and they shit all over my couch.

No, this guy...

[laughs] Did this dipshit really show up in full cosplay mode?

This is the guy Waller's giving us?

I told you she's fucking us.

She's not fucking us.

Is that an eagle in his back seat?

She's fucking us.

Hi, sir, welcome in.

I'm with them. Can I just grab a menu, please?

Thank you.

Hey, scooch.

Why are you in your costume?

Costume? This is a uniform,

and it's brand-new. So, I got to stretch it out,

make it more comfortable before we're go on a mission.

Maybe I'm stupid, but why would you even want to wear that on a mission?

A bright red shirt and white pants

aren't exactly conducive to lurking in the shadows.

People see these uniform, it strikes fear in their hearts.

What people? The other people at the Village People try outs?

- [laughs] - Why's there a bald eagle in your car?

That's Eagly.

You guys ordered without me?

- Eagly is your pet eagle? - Yeah.

Is your dog named Doggy?

- All right. - You have a daughter named Daughtery?

Jealous of a guy's pet eagle much?

[chuckles]

Hey, sweet cheeks.

Can you take my order real quick?

Hi, sure thing. What can I get you?

I'll have mixed green salad and we'll do the garlic zoodles.

- Zoodles. Good choice. - Thank you.

Good choice.

Zoodle are zucchini noodles.

"Sweet cheeks." Seriously, dude?

She had cherubic cheeks. It's a compliment.

Sweet cheeks is your butt.

- No, it's not. - It is.

It's like calling somebody, I don't know, "sugar tits."

It's totally inappropriate.

Her tits are way too big for sugar tits.

Sugar tits are like smaller, perkier tits like... yours.

Technically, I think you may have sugar tits, too,

but, somehow, that also feels inappropriate.

All right, Peacemaker, that's enough.

You don't have to be happy with this detail,

but you do have to treat your fellow soldiers with respect.

Yeah, I heard plenty of stories

about how you treat people with respect, Murn. Plenty.

Why is that busboy staring at you?

I think that's my friend, Gut Chase's younger brother.

He has mental issues.

Thank you. Just the old shell game.

- Take this home and study it. - What is it?

It's the dossier on the first target.

U.S. Senator?

Don't look at it here.

Take our word for it.

The man's a serious threat to the safety of American citizens.

Oh, my God. Could you at least take your helmet off?

You're gonna get dressing all over it.

Dressing is easy to get off this helmet, than a human lip.

That's a fucking fact.

We're in a dressing getting off contest right now, dye-beard.

Okay, I don't dye my beard.

I've always had unusually colored hair.

Smith, just...

Fine. Fuck.

Are you always going to be this difficult?

Yup.

Fuck, yeah! Peacemaker's back, baby.

Twerk it and twerk it Get my little tushy out

It's my famous butt dance My butt dance, my butt dance

It's my famous...

Hey, man. What's up?

What's up, Adrian?

Hey, the reason I'm excited is normal.

I just found out this girl that I'm seeing...

she's pregnant, you know.

You got a girlfriend?

Yeah. Her name is Sharon Osborne.

Not...

Not the one that you may know, she's a different one.

Why are you always trying to get me to set you up with my cousin, then?

Well, I wouldn't... I wouldn't say, like, girlfriend, you know.

And you're happy she's pregnant.

Yeah.

Because we are going to have an abortion.

- Well, yeah, good luck. - Thank you. Yeah.

Hey, you're invited if you...

I don't wanna come to your abortion, man.

That's cool.

[grunts]

Peacemaker, baby.

And this. Hey, boy.

You learned to drive now? You drive us home? Yeah.

He's friendly?

Oh, yeah.

I love animals.

Yeah, Eagly is amazing.

Hey.

Hey, bud.

Shit, man, I thought you said it was friendly.

I thought you meant friendly to me.

Yeah, I know it's friendly to you. I saw you pet it.

You know, he was so happy to see me today,

he wraps his wings around me and hugged me.

- An eagle hugged you? - Yeah.

Yeah, I call bullshit on that.

You don't wanna believe in miracles. That's on you.

You're the new girl?

Yeah, but I know my shit. Don't worry about that.

I've done a lot of, you know, notable things.

That's super vague.

Yeah, 'cause if I told you anymore, I'd have to, you know...

[imitates gunshot]

Kill me?

Yeah.

- [both laugh] - That's...

Oh, you hubbed up?

What?

Married, yeah.

That's cool.

I'm into old fashioned stuff, too, you know.

Hummel figurines and capital punishment,

and Garbage Pail Kids and stuff, you know.

Hey, what you mean when you said you heard stories about Mr. Murn?

I know he's a mercenary.

I know he killed a lot of people, not always for the right side.

I know I don't trust his ass.

Well, good night, Smith.

Good night, Eversmall.

It's Adebayo.

Adebayo.

Although, I do appreciate the confidence with which you said something so wrong.

It's my thing.

That and having a big dick.

Yep, information I had no need for.

No, I'm... I'm serious. It's too big, actually.

- It causes people pain. - Okay.

Kids in junior high, they called me "Chimp Arm."

Good night, sweet cheeks.

Sweet cheeks.

It wasn't inappropriate, was it, Eagly?

[Eagly screeches]

Baby woke me up this morning

She said "Hey man, we are through"

She said "If you ain't gonna go to heaven with me

Then I ain't goin' to hell with you"

That's alright now baby

Just one last thing on my mind

I'm just trying to find a place In a world gone mean and blind

So I say Come on, Come on, come on, fuck yeah!

Come on, come on, come on

Come on, come on, come on Fuck yeah!

Come on, come on, come on

[horns honking, tires screeching]

I said come on, come on, come on Fuck yeah!

Come on, come on, come on!

Oh, yeah!

She's a babe.

Hey, Goldilocks.

Can I ask you a question?

As long as it's a question about how to cure rotting fish breath, sure.

Fuck you, bitch!

I'm in love, yeah, yeah...

At least every minute or two...

Easy, buddy.

Until the next time a girl walks by

I think I love her too

Hey!

I can't help myself

- Crazy coincidence, right? - Oh, yeah.

- Yeah, this is uncanny. - Right?

- What can I get you? - I'll just have the same.

So?

- Harcourt, right? - Yeah.

Thank you.

- What's your first name? - Why?

Just curious. I mean...

You know, you don't have to call me Peacemaker. You can call me Chris.

I'll call you Peacemaker, you call me Harcourt.

How's that?

Okay.

Fuck, you kidding me? She said what?

- Just trying to say... - Hey!

...it doesn't always have to be about work.

- Hold on. - Okay.

What the fuck did you say to my friend, you ugly fucking...

[groans]

Jesus fuckling! [groans]

What was that next word?

- You ugly fucking what? - Oh, God.

[groans]

Any of the rest of you want to finish it for him?

[continues groaning]

Summertime Girls

You make my whole world go around

What were you saying?

That's so fucking hot.

I clocked you driving by

and then making a U-turn to follow me in here.

[chuckling] Come on!

The way you say it, makes it sound all stalkery.

No, the way that you did it made it stalkery.

I just described it.

Look...

I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us.

Just because you're handsome

doesn't mean you're not a piece of shit murderer.

You think I'm handsome?

Oh, my God.

Please, fuck off.

Okay, look, I... I've been in prison the last four years, okay?

I haven't been with anyone.

I haven't been with any woman in a long time.

I'm not asking for emotional connection here. I'm just asking for fun.

Genital-to-genital contact.

No touching above here.

No, fuck, it's got to be here.

I got to touch your boobs, sorry.

Just trying to,

I don't know, relief some of the stress that's been building up over the years.

Cool and I'm just trying to fucking have a beer,

but whether it's those douchebags or you,

I guess that's just something that I can't have in my life

because I don't know, I wear makeup.

You know what?

Go fuck yourself, Chris.

I feel your desire

As the moonlight lingers in the sky

I'm walking through fire

Can't you hear me when I cry

One night of passion One night of hunger

And my attraction is getting stronger

I need to feel you, I need to hold you

I can't deny 'Cause my heart...

Freedom!

...is screaming out your name

[Waller] How's the team?

Okay, I guess.

Murn, I hear, is not such a great guy.

I don't care about the quality of the knife

as long as the blade is sharp.

- John seems okay. - He's pliable.

Harcourt is hard.

Barbie is ambitious. Watch out for her.

Shouldn't we just loop them in on the whole plan?

No.

You're my eyes and ears, Leota, while you're there.

And the only one I trust with the big picture.

Did my forger get you the diary?

This goofy shit? Yeah.

Hide it in his trailer, the first chance you get, somewhere he won't find it.

How's Peacemaker?

[scoffs]

Yeah, he's his own thing.

- Sexist. - Yeah.

Probably racist.

- Oh, you know who his father is. - Oh, yeah.

But there's something else about him that's...

What?

...sad.

Empathy... in this business, Leota, that will get you killed.

Yeah, well, it doesn't really matter, does it?

I appreciate the work, but after this job is done,

Keeya and I will be back on our feet and I'll find a job I actually like.

Sure.

Ignore your God-given natural talent.

Yeah, I don't think so.

I'm not like these people.

All right.

I have an early morning.

- Night, baby girl. - Night, Mom.

Well, they're still trying to pull you in, huh?

Always.

Cool.

Oh, this... This is my jam.

You know, this is back when men were real men

'cause they weren't afraid to be women.

None of this auto-tuned robots dry up in the passes for music bullshit, right?

No way.

Quireboys?

Watched these guys when I was a kid.

God! I go to all the shows when they came through Evergreen.

I went to see herjust this morning

To see how the child might be

She sat there smokin' all my cigarettes

At a table

Set for three

I could've cried I could've cried...

When she said

I don't love you any more

Hey, I gotta thank you for tonight.

I was having a crazy fucked up day,

but when I was in your pussy back there, I felt...

I don't know, fucking hope.

That sounds stupid, I just...

Maybe it's the big man in the sky's way of saying,

"Chris, there's something more for you out there.

You and Eagly.

Other than all this rancid shit life's thrown you so far."

So I went and seen my friends

I tried to turn to them for help

But all that any of them said

You gotta look out for yourself

Fuck them!

I could've cried I could've cried...

When she said

I don't love you anymore

I was slain and shown the door

[screams]

[groans]

Hey!

Please don't look to me for help

All the pain is with yourself

All the blame is with yourself

What the fuck?

[yells]

[grunts]

[groans]

You're all I ever wanted

All I ever needed

- [bones crack] - Every time I see your face

Reminds me baby of what we had

I get so lonely Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah

All our lives I've been down

Always seemed in emptiness

I say my prayers every night

But even God don't care less Oh, yeah

[groans]

I could've cried

Fuck!

When she said

I don't love you anymore

I was slain and shown the door

Ain't no room here anymore

[yells]

[groans]

[sighs] Take it easy, Doc said.

[snarls]

[sniffs]

[suspenseful music playing]

[screeches]

[music intensifies]

[snarls]

Activate sonic boom!

[tires screech]

[pants]

[Eagly screeches]

[chuckles softly]

[screeches]

Thanks, Eagly.

You're not a lady You're a love bomb baby

Love bomb baby, come n' blow me away

Can't get enough of your Sweet, sweet lovin'

[screeches gently]

Keep it coming, oh, baby, fire away

Ah, ha-ah, oh, yeah

[sirens approaching]

Well I've been waiting so long

For a girl like you

A time bomb ready to blow

I know it can't be wrong 'Cause, baby, when I get you home

You're not a lady You're a love bomb baby

Love bomb baby, come n' blow me away

Can't get enough of your Sweet, sweet lovin'

Keep it coming, oh, baby, fire away

Love bomb baby, love bomb baby Ah, ha-ah, oh, yeah

You're everything I need

You're dangerous You're blue eyed dynamite

Sussssister TNT

You got the kinda love I need tonight

You're not a lady You're a love bomb baby

Love bomb baby, come n' blow me away

Can't get enough of your Sweet, sweet lovin'

Keep it coming, oh, baby, fire away

Love bomb baby, love bomb baby Ah, ha-ah, oh, yeah

Direct hit, target destroyed

This one will give you scabies.

Gave me scab... Why would I want scabies?

Challenge yourself?

Every man should have scabies once in his life.

Okay.