Original subtitles

Previously on Family Law.

So walk me through what you think this merger might look like.

It sounds like we might be working together soon too.

I can't believe you got your one night stand pregnant.

If you and I are going to co-parent this child, we need to get along.

I take your point.

Do you want to go out sometime this week?

Get to know each other?

Unromantically?

Of course you felt the need to have that.

Fine, let's hang out.

So I heard this silliest gossip.

Something about a merger between us and Peterson?

But you're nonsense.

Harry wouldn't keep something like that from me.

He would've told me straight away, right?

I can't believe you told her.

I didn't tell her.

Suzette, from Peterson's firm, told Pearl.

From Viserion Roth.

And Pearl told Jerry.

So way to keep the news under wraps.

You were next in line to be told.

I was simply waiting until I knew it was a sure thing.

Cat's out of the bag, Harry.

You need to deal with it, Pronto.

Danny, my office.

It has come to my attention that rumors are starting to circulate.

So we wanted you to hear the news from us first.

We have signed a memorandum of understanding with Marcus Peterson's firm,

which lays the groundwork for a merger.

Did you know about this?

No, thanks to anyone in this office.

This is a good news story.

We will all benefit from our combined strengths, expertise, and resources.

Are there any questions?

How will we fit more people?

Will we have to move?

Will there be layoffs?

Who gets to keep the file if there's a client conflict?

I'll let my partner field these questions.

Will we have to share assistance?

Do we have the same mediations, Max?

Okay, one at a time, please.

When will this take effect?

We'll report you.

A merger, Dad?

Why?

At some point, I'll have to step back.

I want to make sure my legacy survives.

Is that why you made Daniel partner?

Your brother is a good lawyer, but he needs time to grow as a leader.

What about Abby?

She's an excellent lawyer, but she's also impulsive and stubborn.

And she's an alcoholic.

You can't hold out against her forever, Dad.

Her video is still one of the first items that pops up in a Google search.

I'm doing the best I can to protect my children, and that includes you.

So... does that mean I get to keep my office?

I'll make sure of it.

Lucy, goosey.

My heads up would have been nice.

We only found out about the leak this morning.

And someone from your firm leaked it.

I'll make a formal announcement later today.

How'd your people take it?

Not well.

I walked by Rebecca's desk.

She was already on LinkedIn.

We need to find a way to reassure people before the legal recruiters start swarming.

What if we hold a corporate retreat?

Oh, hear me out.

A buddy of mine at MacMillan Russell, Yannick Kroll.

Yannick?

This firm takes everyone to Mexico for an all-inclusive retreat each year.

He says it's a great bonding experience.

And a costly experience.

It doesn't have to be.

You could do something local, but I high end.

I like it.

Give the staff a chance to get to know each other in a stress-free environment.

Exactly.

Hmm.

It appears the odds have it, Harry.

I'll start exploring with any options.

I thought we were soulmates.

Then, on our ten-year anniversary, he announces that his

soulmate is our vacuous, surgically-enhanced dog Walker.

He didn't want an equal.

He wanted a pin-up model.

How am I supposed to face him this afternoon?

Well, that's why we're having this preliminary meeting,

so you can vent all you want.

What's your end goal, Ingrid?

To make Keith's life a living hell.

Every second of every day for the rest of his life.

I understand the sentiment.

But you have children, right?

JC and Jonah.

Seven and five.

Then trust me when I say being vindictive isn't going to help you or your kids.

But he's the one that blew up our marriage.

Adultery means nothing in the eyes of the law.

Keith is still the father of your children.

You can drag this out for months, even years.

And in the end, you are the one who suffers the most.

You, your kids, and your bank account.

So you suggest I just roll over?

Oh, absolutely not.

I suggest taking the high road.

Act like none of this phases you.

Trust me, it'll drive him crazy.

Yeah.

See you this afternoon.

Everybody in the conference area have an announcement.

You might want to book an MRI.

You made the announcement an hour ago.

Different announcement.

This one is entirely his.

I have more exciting news to share.

The merger's off?

Our firms are going on a joint corporate retreat.

This weekend...

We'll play games, do team building exercises, we'll eat well.

I promise it'll be a lot of fun.

This sounds amazing.

Yes.

I can't make it.

Why?

What are you doing?

Absolutely nothing.

Attendance is mandatory.

Where are we going?

As soon as I nail that down, I will send out the particulars.

All right.

Back to work.

This is gonna be so much fun.

Hey.

It's me and you.

Organize a boycott.

Eleanor's blowhard brother and simpering wife are visiting me this weekend.

I can't believe I'm saying this.

But this retreat is a gift from the gods.

Have fun at your retreat.

Shut up.

While you're doing icebreakers and trust falls, I'll be partying at velvet.

Ah, Lucy.

I'd like you to attend the retreat, too.

Me?

Why?

Marcus needs to see that even though you operate

independently, you're an asset to the firm.

Always helps to put a face to a name.

I may or may not catch you.

The trust falls.

Mr. Peterson, wonderful to see you.

Cecil or Cecile, I answer to both.

May I take your coat?

I'll keep it.

Thank you.

Then maybe I can offer you a juice box or perhaps a cheese string.

Marcus, hello.

Abigail, nice to see you.

Feel the heat of everyone's eyes on you?

Oh, we have.

My client is willing to agree to 50-50 parenting time with conditions.

If you go out for the night, the kids stay with me.

Oh, for... you just don't want them to see my girlfriend.

Damn right I don't.

Let's sidebar this, shall we?

We'd like to add a clause stating that Ms. Gunn

can't disparage my client in front of the children.

I don't do that.

Please.

You told him I was the reason we had to sell the house.

Well, it's not bad nothing if it's true.

Okay, you can yell at each other for the entire hour if you want.

We'll bill you for it either way.

Or we can try to make progress.

I'd like to recommend a judicial case conference.

What's that?

It's like a dress rehearsal for court.

The judge listens to both sides and then offers his or her thoughts.

And it's non-binding.

Meaning you don't have to agree to any of it.

But it'll give you a pretty good picture of how

things will go if you do take this to court.

That way, you save time and money.

Tell you what.

We're heading into the weekend.

Why don't we all put our pencils down and take a couple of days to reflect.

Yeah?

I feel like I've just run a marathon.

They're exhausting.

I look forward to getting to know you better over the weekend.

White-sized brownie for the road, sir?

Why not?

And you get his pipe and slippers while you're at it.

He's a smoker.

Ah, another name on the door.

Sucks for you.

Water's down your influence.

I worried about that too, but I think it actually might water down Dad's influence.

Seriously?

He hated the idea of a corporate retreat.

Marcus loved it.

Dad was outvoted.

You headed up to Whistler?

No, everywhere it was booked.

The Fino?

Also fully booked.

So where are you headed?

Certainly well under budget.

You got your wish, Harry.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

It was all those available at the last minute.

Breathe in that fresh country air.

Smells like outhouse in armpit.

Come on, Winston.

We could spend the entire weekend with everyone we work with Monday to Friday.

What could be better?

To the right, you'll see our cozy cabins where all the horny camp counselors were

slaughtered last year by a man in a hockey mask.

This place has bedbugs for sure.

I feel itchy already.

Still beats my in-laws.

At least I don't have to spend the entire weekend with my ex.

At least my ex isn't a kidnapper or a psychopath.

What were you supposed to be doing this weekend?

Shopping for bath towels.

So still more fun than this.

How about you?

I'm supposed to be at Mirage Hamam Spa with Jojo and Sophia.

I know rustic and outdoors are two of your least favorite words.

They are.

But I've decided to make the most of it.

This is full of all the novels I've been meaning to read.

I'm going to ditch the activities, hole up in my cabin, enjoy the peace and quiet.

I see you.

Yeah.

Welcome to Camp Woodshop.

Come closer everyone.

Don't be shy.

That's my cue.

Have fun.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Gathering this way.

That's why I'm going that way.

You must be Abigail.

Come on.

Hey everyone, thanks so much for joining us.

Sophia had a choice.

I'm Samantha, Sam for short, and I'm your facilitator for the weekend.

Now I see the skeptical looks on some of your faces, but I promise you,

if you put in even minimal effort, you'll take away maximum benefits.

Marcus?

This is a chance to get to know each other in a relaxed environment.

I know change can be scary, but I also know that

our two firms share a similar goals and values.

Harry, would you like to say a few words?

Oh, thank you.

But as this retreat was Daniel's idea, I'll let him do the talking.

The motto of this weekend is Stronger Together.

Come on, y'all.

Let's all say it together.

One, two, three.

Stronger Together.

Okay, Sam.

Thank you.

All right.

You have a few minutes to get settled into your cabins before our first event,

orienteering.

Meet back here in 10 and pair up with someone from the other firm.

And we will be doing a head count.

Oh, so sorry to miss out on the fun, important client.

Excuse me.

Yeah, it's me.

Yeah.

Can I help?

Oh, I want to send my wife a photo of these quick cabins.

How do you do a panorama?

Do you mind?

Oh, please.

Okay.

So first you're going to swipe to pano.

Then you're going to press here.

Move your phone like this.

Press again and voila.

Oh, and if you use this filter, it goes from murder cabin to cabin porn.

Wow.

Bless you, young man.

Jerry Rifkin, office manager of Svensson and Svensson.

Troy Batista, office manager at Peterson.

Well, a wellness plan for everyone.

Free gym memberships, wellness apps.

Yes, there's an upfront cost, but I think of the long-term savings.

More productivity if you were sick days.

Yeah, forward thinking.

I like it.

That makes two of us.

Two out of three is all we need.

You're a paralegal too?

No way.

Yes way.

What's your favorite food?

Corn dogs.

Mine too.

Yes, they're savory and sweet.

Favorite ice cream?

Tiger tail.

Okay, here's a trickier one.

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Star Trek.

You could be my twin.

I have a twin.

I have a twin too.

Well, I did.

Until I ate them in utero.

How's the house time going?

Awful.

I keep losing out in bidding wars.

Sorry to hear that.

You and Isabelle settling into your new place?

Yeah, mostly.

It's way too quiet without Sophie and Nico.

If it makes you feel any better, I barely see Sophia.

She's joined every extracurricular so she can pad her college admissions application.

Have you talked to Nico recently?

Not since his classmate fell into the sin.

I've got a video call with him this afternoon though.

Oh, that's great.

Um, say, bonjour for me.

You can join if you like.

You sure?

Yeah, sure.

Checked.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, and I also built our messaging system.

It reduces our staff workload by 10%.

And it's completely unhackable.

Oh, you don't say.

Yeah, it cuts down on a lot of paperwork.

And allows for interfacing on both the macro and micro level.

Oh, macro and micro.

Ah, interesting.

Yeah, what systems do you use?

Oh, emails, interoffice memos.

Oh, I love it.

So retro.

I understand you'll be taking over the floor below us.

Is that right?

Yeah, that's what I've heard.

Oh, will you be subdividing to make room for all your people?

No, Marcus says there's going to be enough

room for everyone once the merger is complete.

Jerome is amazing.

Is what my clone would have been like if I hadn't... you know.

We need to talk.

Can I light Jerome?

No.

Now, I happen to know that between their floor and ours, there are 30 office spaces.

Metroid told me they had no plans to subdivide.

By my count, there are 40 employees.

Is this one of those brain teasers?

Like, what goes around the wood but never into the wood?

No, it means redundancies.

Like, a lot of redundancies.

They'd never do that.

They did to you once already, Cecil.

Dollars to donors, so get rid of the highest earners on the support staff first.

I know how much everyone at our firm makes.

Which means Troy must know how much everyone at Peterson makes.

I'm on it.

Hey.

Oh, hey.

So, do you do lot of these?

I do.

How do you keep up your energy?

I'm like a wind-up doll.

I could keep going until 3 P.M.

tomorrow.

Everyone leaves, then I just... Bwah, bwah, bwah.

It must be exhausting.

No, it's nothing like being a therapist.

I can't imagine having to listen to people's phones all day.

I have a bag of tricks for when I feel myself drifting.

I just caulk my head to the side.

Throw my brows, say, tell me more scribble notes.

Can I get a Margarita with two shots of Tequila?

Thanks.

Don't judge.

I was supposed to have a wild night at Velvet.

It's a spar in the West End.

I know Velvet.

And trust me, you're not missing anything.

The street people have ruined it.

To be clear, no one is asking you to do this.

To be clear, I'm dying to do this.

Go get him, tiger.

Enjoying yourself?

Enjoy would be an overstatement.

Offering up a judicial case conference to our clients was the right call.

Yeah, well, going through your own divorce puts things in perspective.

My divorce did the same for me.

He likes my wellness program idea.

That's so good.

Honestly, Luce, I think this merger could be a good thing for me.

Jude, what's up?

I'm not sure.

Probably nothing.

What's probably nothing?

I'm having cramps.

I'm sure it's just the deep fried pickles I eat.

You eat deep fried pickles?

Oh, I just had another one.

I'm going to order you a cab, okay?

Go to St. Paul's.

I can be there in an hour.

Okay.

What's wrong?

Is Jude okay?

She's cramping.

What?

I have to go.

Can you make an excuse to dad?

I still haven't told her.

I have two competing thoughts.

One is that I'm dying to get out of here.

Two is that I'm starving.

I think I have a solution for both.

I'll steal the sweets you steal with savories.

Teach outside intent.

What are you doing?

Making the best out of a bad situation.

What are you doing?

Making the best out of a bad situation.

Lucy, have you seen your brother?

A close friend of his had a medical emergency.

He said he'll be back as soon as he can.

Okay, everyone.

It's time for Limbo.

Come closer.

Don't be shy.

Open the line.

Come on, dad.

You're going to try.

You're not in your life.

Hello?

Can you go?

How was orienteering?

Daniel pitched me on his wellness plan, just like you said he would.

Daniel has all sorts of creative ways to spend our money.

Let's talk about ways to save money then.

Has a day been informative?

It has.

I think you could lose Nelson from your team.

No one would miss him.

Agreed.

Then there's an obvious cut on your side as well.

But then we need one office manager.

I've been telling her to watch her diet, but she won't listen.

This has nothing to do with diet.

Cramping is very common in early pregnancy.

It's usually caused by hormonal changes.

I knew we were overreacting.

Not at all.

Cramping can also be a sign of something more serious.

You did the right thing, coming in.

But you should not tell your wife what she can and can't eat.

Oh, she's not my wife.

Then you really shouldn't tell her what she can and can't eat.

Okay.

But can we at least agree ketchup chips aren't a vegetable?

Oh, my God.

He looks like a tiny Benjamin Button.

That's her baby.

I've kind of handed it to you.

We held it together with Niko earlier.

Did you think I was going to burst into tears?

No, I thought you were going to burst out laughing.

Did you see that beret?

If he wears that back to Canada, Sophia's going to eat him alive.

Oh, God.

He's having the time of his life.

Was it awful that I kind of wish he was homesick?

I was thinking the same thing.

But this proves we did okay.

We're supposed to give our children wings.

Right now I wish we'd clipped them.

Isabel.

She found the bath towels.

Hallelujah.

Maybe she's going to want children of her own?

Oh, I know she does.

It's a bone of contention at the moment.

I'm not sure I can do it all over again.

It'd be different this time.

She's a lot younger than you.

Thanks for the reminder.

No, I just mean...

She has a lot more energy.

She'd do more than her share of the work.

And bonus, she's not an alcoholic.

You're a good mother, Abby.

I wasn't all the time.

And I really wasn't a good wife.

Hey, I had a glimpse into what it's like to be in

a relationship with an alcoholic and... Oh, wow.

It sucked.

I'll always regret that I didn't listen to you sooner.

But I didn't get help sooner.

You didn't deserve what I put you through.

And I mean it when I say I'm glad you have someone who knows how amazing you are.

See, right there, it looks like a little penis.

Oh, could also be a finger.

I'm just going to say it.

I was grateful for your type A personality tonight.

We type A's have our uses.

Well, I guess I should head back to the retreat.

Can I make you another chamomile tea before I go?

No, I already have to get up and pee twice in the night.

I'll check in in the morning.

Or I could sleep here on the couch just to be safe.

What about your retreat?

It'll be there in the morning.

Well, if you insist, I'll go get you some sheets.

Clean ones, right?

And the rat stays locked in his cage.

No promises.

I have to pee.

Do you have to pee?

No, listen, you put your career on hold so your wife can focus on hers.

You deserve a higher percentage of the assets, Keith.

Why should you be forced to pay an asshole tax

just because you met the woman in your dreams?

A judicial case conference is a waste of time.

You need to get in front of a judge who will make binding decisions, or your

hysterical ex and her ball-busting lawyer are going to drag this thing out forever.

Thanks for agreeing to meet on a Sunday, Ingrid.

I thought we'd agreed to take a cooling -off period this weekend.

Yes, well, I've discovered your ex and his lawyer have violated that agreement.

Seriously?

Is it true Keith put his career on hold for you?

Oh, please.

He was fired from three jobs in a row because he's impossible to work with.

I had to support that prick for years.

Sorry, I really am trying to work on taking the high road.

Actually, Ingrid, I've been having a rethink about all that.

Someone had fun last night.

Someone did.

Does Sam bring the same enthusiasm to the bedroom as she does to her job?

What do you think of him?

I spoke to him for a nanosecond and I was already drunk.

I think he's a wolf in wickable clothing.

Did you go home for the night?

You didn't honestly think I'd spend the night here, did you?

How's your friend?

Is he feeling better?

She is fine.

Her name is Jude.

Ah, more than a friend, perhaps.

It's complicated.

She's pregnant.

And I'm the father.

But you're not in a relationship.

It was short-lived.

Well, if you didn't protect yourself in the obvious

way, please tell me you've protected yourself legally.

I have not.

I want to be a part of my child's life, Dad.

Well then... Congratulations.

Thank you.

Then me and Jerome quizzed each other on Stargate Trivia.

Then we played Battleship to the Wii Hours and we didn't even sink any boats.

Oh, here he comes.

Well...

I did it.

I had my slut face.

But don't you need to sleep with more than one person before it says...

Just let me have this.

Did you find anything useful?

I certainly did.

I hacked into his supposedly unhackable system when he went to the outhouse.

I'm on par with their receptionist salary -wise.

Cecil makes less than Peterson's paralegals, so I'm thinking you're safe.

Yes.

Wait, Jerome makes more than me?

About six grand more.

What about Troy?

You're obviously much more highly valued by Svensson and Svensson.

No way, same breakfast.

Keep it moving, Jerome.

The next activity is always a crowd -pleaser.

Tog of war!

Svensson versus Peterson!

You leaving?

Yeah, my ride is here.

Work emergency.

Plus I draw the line at Mudpits.

Hey, there's something else I've been meaning to tell you.

Um, I've applied to have my surname changed back.

Oh.

Well, I suppose that makes sense.

I love you, Abby.

I love you too.

And if you and Isabel do have a baby, what kid's gonna be spectacular?

Okay, let's go.

Team Peterson, you got this.

Let's go.

Good morning, everyone.

Thank you for making the weekend such a success.

Our t-shirts weren't ready for the retreat, but I have them now.

I think we can all agree they are pretty terrific, huh?

Loose!

Loose!

Here you go.

Thanks.

Here you go.

See you soon, my man.

Here you go.

Oh, polyester blend shirt, just what I always wanted.

Jerry, take an extra for Eleanor.

Here you go!

You want to see me?

Sit.

Marcus enjoyed meeting you this weekend.

Well, that's good.

I barely said two words to the guy.

We want you to come in-house, Lucy.

Put you on salary.

Why?

It's Marcus's condition for you to keep your current office.

Space is going to be at a premium.

Yeah, but it's my office.

Which I pay for.

We want everything to be under the firm's umbrella.

What about my radio segment?

It's great for us.

Free advertising.

We can even feed you topics on occasion.

That's my job.

And I don't know how the station would feel about it.

We'll work out the details.

Picture Lucy, Lucy.

You'll be well-paid.

You'll have great benefits.

You'll work regular office hours, which means more time with Harmony.

You'll be well taken care of.

Abby, good morning.

Marcus.

Sorry to fill you for a loop like this, but there was no reasoning with my client.

I'm impressed.

With what?

With the way the lies just roll off your tongue.

Word of advice, next time you're in the shitter at a corporate retreat,

you might want to keep your voice down.

Now excuse me while I go and bust a few balls.

My client selflessly stepped back from his

own career so his ex-wife could focus on hers.

He lost years of earning potential.

Which is why he's entitled to a larger share of the assets.

I have nothing further.

Ms. Bianchi?

Your Honor, I submit a series of affidavits from four of Mr. Gunn's former employers.

Each one states that he was let go because he was impossible to work with.

He's described as argumentative and obstreperous.

A man who never got his work done on time.

And when he did, it was sloppy.

This man didn't selflessly put his career on hold for his wife.

He was unemployed and unemployable, and my client supported him for years.

Mr. Peterson, these affidavits are damning.

Would you like to reconsider your position?

We would, Your Honor.

We're willing to concede to my colleague's original

offer and split the assets in parenting time 50-50.

That seems reasonable.

Ms. Bianchi?

Actually, we've had a rethink.

We want the children to be with their mother during the week.

Your Honor, this is a blatant attempt by my colleague to push my client beneath the

threshold of 40% parenting time, meaning he would get no child support.

My client is only thinking of the children.

Her daughter suffers from anxiety, which has been exacerbated by the separation.

She feels safest when she gets to sleep in her own bed.

Mr. Gunn has also moved out of the catchment area, which

means a long commute for the children on school days.

Objection.

A long commute is not a reason for the children to be cut off from their father.

They'll still get to spend quality time with him every other weekend.

I'm not trying to impose a... What's the crude slang I'm looking for?

An asshole tax.

We're only thinking of the best interests of the children.

We did it.

You did it.

The look on Keith's face.

That was so much more fun than taking the high road.

Hey, that could be your new motto.

When they go low, we go lower.

And that expression you use?

An asshole tax?

I'm still going to tell that one to my book club.

Oh, my God.

You should come to my book club.

We never talk about the book anyways.

That way, you can give them away.

Is it just me or does morale seem low around here today?

Well, your corporate retreat didn't have the desired effect.

People are scared.

There's no need for that.

Harry, it's me.

Cut the crap.

I know the writing's on the wall.

I can assure you I am going to do everything I can to keep you.

I'm looking for other concessions, other cuts.

I can't imagine a scenario where I don't have you by my side.

Troy is young.

He's tech savvy.

He also gets paid half what I do.

You're a great businessman, Harry.

And this is business.

I'm not your hill to die on.

If that's a resignation letter, I'm not opening it.

I'm not an idiot.

If I resign, I don't get a severance package.

And I expect a great severance package.

How was court today?

You were up against Marcus, were you not?

I was.

Can I speak to you privately?

Of course.

Speak privately about what?

If I told you it wouldn't be private.

Is it about the merger?

It is.

I'm a partner, I should be there too.

So, you're saying he did a sneaky thing behind your back?

A thing that could have meant a big win for his client, if

you hadn't overheard and used that information against him.

For which I commend you, by the way.

Sounds like he took a page straight out of your playbook.

Excellent lawyering on both sides.

He called my client hysterical, and he called me a ballbuster.

It's the not-so-thinly veiled language of a misogynist.

I've never heard him say anything like that.

He's very progressive.

The guy is a chameleon, Daniel.

He says what people want to hear.

And I heard him say it.

Surely that's enough?

Abigail, we appreciate you bringing your concerns to us.

But this merger is going ahead.

And now they're going to live acrimoniously ever after.

All because I stooped to Peterson's level.

He brought out the worst in me.

You really don't like the guy, huh?

I really don't.

I'm also not sure I'm going to like this.

Oh, you're going to love it.

So, Dad told me the only way I can keep my

office is to be the firm's in-house therapist.

Wow.

How do you feel about that?

Security would be nice.

But I don't think the radio station will want me if I'm not independent.

You love doing your show.

Yeah, I do.

Hey, maybe this is the kick in the butt I need to get my own office space.

What if I fall in?

You get what?

The place has great bones.

It needs a facelift, but that's why it's

priced a little lower than some of the others.

So, you could subdivide the space into offices or keep it open concept.

What line of work did you say you were in?

Family law.