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[ applause ]
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>> oh, there's the happy new
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Coup.
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How are things in paradise?
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>> question.
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Have you ever noticed how danny
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Is a little bitch.
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This morning we were in a coffee
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Shop.
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The guy spilled coffee all over
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Me.
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He did not apologize.
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What do you think tommy
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Tugnutts, he did nothing but
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Watch the recent conan
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Appearance on his phone.
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>> it was hilarious, go check it
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Out yourself.
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>> what's this?
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You dropped something over here.
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Oh, it was a tiny detail you
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Left out.
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Oh, yeah, it's says the guy that
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You insulted was a giant that
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Came down on a bean stalk
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Because he wanted a miniature
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Cup of human coffee.
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>> danny, you've got to protect
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Your lady.
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That's the first thing they
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Teach you freshman year at man
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College.
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>> man college, I was actually a
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Professor there.
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I don't remember seeing you.
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You might have missed my
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Class -- why chins are
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Important.
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>> so this man college, what do
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The dorm rooms look like?
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>> ha ha, jokey pants.
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But at least I know -- shut up
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And look at me.
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At least I know how to step up
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For my candy cane when someone
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Pushes her.
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Tell them about yesterday.
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>> I was standing in line for
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Ice cream, someone standed in
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Front of me.
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And next thing you know --
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>> hey!
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Hey!
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You get your ugly ass to the
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Back of the line.
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>> except the kid wasn't
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Cutting, he was just joining his
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Mom in line.
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>> babe, I'm sorry, is this my
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Story or yours?
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>> I'm sorry, babe.
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Go ahead and tell them what the
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Mom did to you.
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>> well, she stuffed me in a
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Trash can, but I made my point.
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>> see, this is what I mean.
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I need a guy who is going to
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Stand up for me.
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Obviously not idiot who gets
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Jammed in a trash can by a
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Soccer mom and says stupid
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Things like jokey pants, but I
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Need someone who's going to
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Stand up for me because I like
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To mouth off.
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>> that's not news, anderson
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Cooper.
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>> ho, ho, ho.
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[ applause ]
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>> great sweater.
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Is that black santa.
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>> I believe you mean real
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Santa.
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Anyway, I got you guys some
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Presents.
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>> sweet.
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You got us christmas swerts?
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Is oh, mine's jewish.
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Dope.This will go nice with my
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Circus-sized pea us in.
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Look mine has a picture of me
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On it.
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>> that's jesus christ the son
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Of god.
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You're a 34-year-old man with a
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Roommate.
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>> everyone says we look alike
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When beget frisked at the
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Airport.
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>> I thought this would help us
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Get into the christmas spirit.
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>> I thought you were going to
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Disneyworld.
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>> he discovered they charge $12
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For churros.
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>> if I get stoned I'm going to
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Lose all my money.
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>> anyway, I thought before you
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Left on christmas eve, maybe we
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Could have a party upstairs in
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My room.
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It could be fun.
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We could spend it all together
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Because you guys are my family.
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>> oh, of course, we'll be
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There.
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>> I will definitely be there.
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I have a longist history of
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Doing anything handsome black
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Men ask me to.
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>> this is exciting.
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We could go carolling.
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We could do that song we were
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Working on.
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Remember that sweet jam.
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One, two, three *
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* on the first day of
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Christmas *
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* my true love gave to me
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*
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>> oh, oh, oh, oh, I hate being
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White now.
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>> if anyone is going to be
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Singing, it's me.
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Remember this gospel kbhier that
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Came -- this is their words not
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Mine -- they said god said I was
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More talented than you.
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>> god also made john travolta's
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Hairpiece so sometimes he gets
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Things wrong.
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But besides it will be a cold
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Day in hell when someone thinks
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You're a better singer than me.
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>> it's good that we have nifty
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New sweaters because it's about
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To get chilly in here.
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Choir!
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* hallelujah
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* hallelujah
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Hallelujah **
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[ applause ]
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* you bet no pout
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You better not cry *
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* you better not shout I'm
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Telling you why
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Santa claus is coming to town *
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* he's making a list
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* checking it twice
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He's goen that find out who's
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Naughty or nice *
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* santa claus is coming to
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Down *
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* he sees you when you're
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Sleeping *
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* he knows when you're aware
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He knows when you've been bad or
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Good *
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* so be good for goodness
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Sakes *
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* you better be good for
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Goodness sakes
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* santa claus is coming to
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Town *
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* santa claus is coming to
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Town *
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* santa claus is coing to
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Town **
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>> so did you two actually make
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Out last week?
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>> whatever, it wasn't a big
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Deal.
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You know how emotional I am.
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I even get choked up when you
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Say when you sing that adele
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Song.
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>> hello.
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>> please don't.
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It wasn't a big deal.
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>> it was just one of those
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Moments between good friends.
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It's not going anywherer and it
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Didn't mean anything and this
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Definitely wasn't a prepared
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Statement I was asked to
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Memorize.
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>> I'm so pissed at you.
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Anyone want to figure out why
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I'm carrying a box full of
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Puppies.
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>> the reason is unimportant.
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But I'm going to lie down and
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You're going to pour those
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Puppies on top of me.
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>> apparently those are mo's
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Children which, you know, I
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Think would be impossible
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Because I always keep them on
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The leash unless I'm in the dog
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Park.
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>> take it from a girl with a
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4-year-old, you can get pregnant
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At the dog park.
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>> that's really gross, the
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Whole thing.
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>> anyway, I think back nine
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Weeks ago, what was happening?
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Oh, yeah, that's right, justin
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Was watching mo for the weekend.
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And now I have grand puppies.
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>> what's brown and sticky?
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This.
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>> I thought you were going to
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Say the dog's poopy.
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>> yeah.
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>> mo is my family.
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How would you like it if your
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Took your mom out and I got her
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Pregnant.
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>> I would really love that
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Actually because I'm really very
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Lonely and I would love to have
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A sibling, okay?
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Still, I remember watching mo.
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I didn't leave him out of my
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Sight.
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Except for that one hour I let
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Danny watch him.
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>> no.
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No, no, no.
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All I did was exactly what you
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Told me.
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I fed him, let him out to do his
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Business and now I realize do
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His business doesn't mean have
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Sex.
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I'm sorry.
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>> well, vince, the baby mama of
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Mo, his owner said I'm
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Financially responsible.
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>> you don't have to give vince
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Anything, all right?
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Who's even saying that they know
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For sure that mo is the real
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Father.
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>> that would be me.
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Yeah yeah, I mean, I agree with
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Vince.
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On to the next investigation.
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>> is the next investigation the
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Curious case of danny's missing
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Balls.
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>> whatever.
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You got pregnant at a dog park.
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**
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>> guys, I cannot believe it's
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Christmas eve.
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It still feels to me like it's
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Exactly december 11th.
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>> vince said I need to pay
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$1,200 in puppy support.
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How am I supposed to support
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That?
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>> I have an idea.
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How does justin feel about
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Sharing you?
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You.
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>> you're the scariest woman
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I've ever met.
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>> look, we have plans to help
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Candace.
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>> does it include terrifying
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Children at the mall?
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>> it's our costumes.
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>> the three of us are in
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Costume, but justin isn't.
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This is the time of year that he
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Returns to his natural form and
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Flies north to make toys for
290
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:56,089
Kids.
291
00:10:56,089 --> 00:11:00,894
>> no, I am not an elf!
292
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:01,895
Elves aren't even real.
293
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,798
>> that's exactly what a real
294
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,701
Elf would tell us to throw us
295
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,236
Off.
296
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:11,104
Now you go make me an egg box.
297
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,840
>> we're going to go to vince's
298
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,007
House as carrollers.
299
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,242
We're going to sing --
300
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,244
Especially justin and I are
301
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,712
Going to be the main singers.
302
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:19,246
>> you can't sing.
303
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,748
>> really?
304
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,750
Okay, fine then, but brett can
305
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,720
And I'm amazing at lip syncing
306
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,088
To watch this.
307
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:30,824
* fall on your knees
308
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:37,865
And the hear the angels voices *
309
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:43,003
* oh night divine
310
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,739
* oh night
311
00:11:45,739 --> 00:11:59,152
When christ was born **
312
00:11:59,152 --> 00:11:59,787
>> so that's obviously going to
313
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:00,087
Work, okay?
314
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,755
When we're busy distracting
315
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,356
Vince, bursky is going to sneak
316
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,892
In and he's going to grab one of
317
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:06,326
The dogs and then he's going to
318
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,128
Test the dog's dna and then
319
00:12:08,128 --> 00:12:09,930
We're going to find out if mo's
320
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:10,798
Real father.
321
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,165
It's the perfect plan, dude.
322
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,267
Yes!
323
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:17,237
>> I think maybe I could have a
324
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,038
Good luck kiss.
325
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,773
I mean, you might as well.
326
00:12:19,773 --> 00:12:21,942
Irch wants us to be a couple.
327
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,877
Everyone is even calling us
328
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:24,344
Lursky.
329
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:26,914
>> what people?
330
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:35,322
>> my parents.
331
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,323
>> and I have no one.
332
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:44,798
Yay!
333
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:45,999
>> he spends christmas eve with
334
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:46,934
His dad.
335
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:47,534
I spend christmas eve drinking
336
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,937
And crying.
337
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:58,211
>> no way, me too.
338
00:12:58,211 --> 00:13:01,148
You know, guys, I feel like this
339
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,316
Silly plan could actually work
340
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,918
With vince and his gang
341
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:05,218
Carrolling.
342
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,354
>> his gang of friends.
343
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:08,822
>> his prison gang.
344
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:09,957
He runs a halfway house for guys
345
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:15,996
Who just got out of jail.
346
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,931
[ laughing ]
347
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:21,368
>> what, you think it could
348
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:24,237
Work.
349
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,372
>> go, go!
350
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:28,375
>> what are you doing?
351
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:33,046
>> save yourselves.
352
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,982
Tell everyone I was brave!
353
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:35,949
>> hey, guys.
354
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:36,583
You want to see how we do things
355
00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,218
In the north pole?
356
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:43,423
Oh no! They're using my head as
357
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,392
A battering ram!
358
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,433
>> doesn't he look like an
359
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,134
Elf,
360
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:54,401
Though?
361
00:13:54,401 --> 00:13:57,004
Justin, hey, do your elf voice.
362
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,006
>> I'm not doing an elf voice.
363
00:13:59,006 --> 00:13:59,873
>> do it.
364
00:13:59,873 --> 00:14:03,010
>> gosh, golly.
365
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,045
In the north pole we're going to
366
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,246
Have cake later.
367
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:07,647
>> turns out vince and his gang
368
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:14,421
Are pretty cool.
369
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:14,988
Hey.
370
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,223
>> oh, my goodness.
371
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:18,091
I am so glad that you're
372
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,092
Defenning your friends.
373
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,260
It kind of makes me want to
374
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,895
Start a street fight so you'll
375
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:22,896
Protect me.
376
00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:24,898
I'm getting turned on just
377
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:27,634
Thinking about it.
378
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,070
>> she's so scary.
379
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,438
>> I know.
380
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:37,010
I love it.
381
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,411
>> vince, did you bring the mama
382
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,046
Dog?
383
00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:41,081
>> oh, my dog.
384
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:41,581
She must have had a nice
385
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:48,055
Personality, hey, mate.
386
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:50,290
>> turns out mo likes dim ugly
387
00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,224
Bitches.
388
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,461
>> okay, everybody stop googling
389
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:58,298
Around.
390
00:14:58,298 --> 00:15:02,002
We're doing a do it yourself dog
391
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:02,369
Paternity test.
392
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:03,436
>> I think you should announce
393
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,273
It like maury povitch.
394
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:08,208
>> okay, what we have here is a
395
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,677
Classic tale of doggy trouble.
396
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:15,682
Now, vince says that -- vince's
397
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:17,317
Dog was knocked up by mo and
398
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:23,390
That vince's puppies are mo's.
399
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,960
>> but candace believes that mo
400
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:27,494
Would never, ever, ever be
401
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:30,030
Around a tramp like this.
402
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:35,735
>> I said it, I said it.
403
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:36,169
>> that's's enough.
404
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,238
That's enough.
405
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:40,974
Now, here are the results in the
406
00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:41,975
Case of mo and the bastard
407
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:47,347
Puppies.
408
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,117
Mo, mo.
409
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:52,019
Mo.
410
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:59,993
You are not the father!
411
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:11,538
**
412
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:12,039
>> guys, guys, come on.
413
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:16,143
It's christmas.
414
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:16,743
Vince, we will help you find a
415
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:17,377
Home.
416
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,279
We'll go to the local shelter
417
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,014
And give these puppies a home.
418
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:22,182
>> hey, ride or die.
419
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,017
>> ride or die, brother.
420
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,185
>> aztecs forever, dude.
421
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:28,055
See you, rooster.
422
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:32,192
, big tiny, raw dog, benji, cop
423
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:38,531
Killer, mom dropper, dad lever,
424
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:42,169
Glenn.
425
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:43,470
>> all right, so we wrapped that
426
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:46,406
Up just in time to get the hell
427
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:47,174
Out of here.
428
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:48,308
On the way to the airport, who
429
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,042
Wants a ride.
430
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,178
>> happy holidays, everyone.
431
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:51,711
I love how things work out
432
00:16:51,711 --> 00:17:00,087
Perfectly on christmas.
433
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:03,556
>> well, it looks like it's just
434
00:17:03,556 --> 00:17:05,525
You and me.
435
00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:12,031
**
436
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,074
>> hey, man.
437
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:22,609
So I just realized we all forgot
438
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:23,343
Your christmas party.
439
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,244
>> it's okay.
440
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,146
It's not like I'm spending
441
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:31,318
Christmas eve alone in a storage
442
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:31,784
Room above a dark bar.
443
00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:35,622
>> I have a couple of hours to
444
00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:39,526
Kill so can I at least buy you a
445
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:40,560
Beer.
446
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:45,398
>> merry christmas!
447
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:49,502
>> you all came!
448
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:52,339
I don't have to damn you all to
449
00:17:52,339 --> 00:17:52,672
Hell anymore.
450
00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:57,177
>> we all changed our plans.
451
00:17:57,177 --> 00:17:59,579
>> my christmas wish came true.
452
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,647
I just want everyone to be
453
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:01,248
Happy.
454
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:03,316
>> that reminds me, though.
455
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:05,218
I want to hear everyone's
456
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:05,585
Christmas wish.
457
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,654
>> my wish is that someone would
458
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:14,294
Stop pretending like that kiss
459
00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:15,428
Didn't mean something when it so
460
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,363
Clearly meant something.
461
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,265
>> I wish ultd understand
462
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,600
Sometimes a woman needs time to
463
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,501
Process something especially
464
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,403
When she's overwhelmed with her
465
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:27,174
Mom, her job, her dad, her went,
466
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:35,482
Her workout schedule, adele.
467
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:38,685
So yeah, you know, maybe that
468
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,220
Something did mean something to
469
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:40,753
Somebody but that somebody
470
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,489
Doesn't know what that is yet.
471
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:47,327
>> all right.
472
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:49,696
Well, after that debacle, I
473
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:51,631
Definitely don't want to hear
474
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,632
Any more christmas wishes.
475
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,301
And that's my christmas wish,
476
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:54,534
Huh?
477
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,803
>> ow, ow, all right.
478
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:58,805
Look, I no ei always joke
479
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,773
Around, but fi'm going to be
480
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,375
Honest with you guys, this has
481
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,009
Been the time of my life hanging
482
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:08,415
Out with you and I love you.
483
00:19:08,415 --> 00:19:10,550
>> yep, I'm with donny.
484
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:13,686
Sometimes it's really hard being
485
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,422
So far away from home, but I
486
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,457
Never thought I would have a job
487
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,591
Where I get to hang out with my
488
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:20,393
Friends every day.
489
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,329
>> wint, spring, summer, fall, I
490
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:23,530
Just hope we get to do this for
491
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:27,834
A few more seasons.
492
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:29,469
But I will have to say 20 years
493
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:31,738
From now when I'm fat, bald and
494
00:19:31,738 --> 00:19:33,540
Divorced I'm going to look back
495
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,140
And realize it was the time of
496
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:47,520
My life.
497
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,223
>> what about you, shel?
498
00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:51,224
>> I'm glad you asked.
499
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:54,327
It just seems like the world is
500
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:54,827
In a dark place lately.
501
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:55,462
Everywhere you look, people are
502
00:19:55,462 --> 00:19:56,529
Kind of scared.
503
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,830
I think I have three christmas
504
00:19:57,830 --> 00:19:59,832
Wishes.
505
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,868
The first is just to hold on to
506
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,537
Hope, no matter what.
507
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:05,438
The second will be just more
508
00:20:05,438 --> 00:20:07,540
Love in this world.
509
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,376
And the third would be for that
510
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:11,578
Star wars not to suck.
511
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,514
You guys are the best, I love
512
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,783
You guys.
513
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:27,827
Come here.
514
00:20:27,827 --> 00:20:29,896
>> oh, my god, you guys are such
515
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:38,638
Bitches.
516
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:42,675
* let earth receive her king
517
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,678
Let every heart *
518
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:50,817
* prepare his room
519
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,287
* and heaven and nature sing
520
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:56,856
* and heaven and heaven and
521
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:57,790
Nature sing *
522
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,759
* he rules the world *
523
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:05,264
**
32309
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