Original subtitles

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>>> guys, honestly, I thought

Bachelor parties were supposed

To be raunchy and all they're

Doing is talking but they did

Give me these cute and delicious

Candies.

Do you think they're hot dogs?

>> sweetie, hot dogs don't have

Testicles.

>> no way, candy pens.

It's my second favorite kind.

>> well, I'm just proud of you

Guys for being over there and

Not hitting on the vulnerable

Girls sad that they're not

Getting married.

Guys like that are so lame.

>> really?

Is it so lame or am I trying to

Make friends?

Yeah, I did say I'd subif the

Stripper didn't show up but

That's the friendly thing to do

When your body moves like this.

>> I'm doo going to tell you the

Same thing I told my mom at the

Pistons game after her second

Beer, I love you but nobody

Wants to see you take your pants

Off.

>> candice and I decided

Something.

>> danny, we're tired of getting

To know whatever dumb as you're

Dating.

>> tear arer not all dumb.

>> the girl you brought to

Thanksgiving thought syria was a

Cool way to say sirius.

>> I love gravy.

Oh, my god I'm being totally

Serious.

>> look, my point is one of my

Closest friends moved back into

The town and I think the two of

You click.

>> oh, you think I need to be

Set up.

Okay.

That's hilarious. P I'm going to

Laugh in each one of your faces.

Ha-ha ha.

A british one for you, ho.

>> that was really funny, mate.

Cheerio.

You know.

>> anyway, dude, I already met

And am vibing with this really

Cool chick at the bachelor

Party.

She's funny and her name is

Charlotte.

>> you guys kind of sound like

The perfect match.

>> what are you talking about?

>> we knew you wouldn't go for

Any girl we set you up with but

You just lucked out because you

Met her.

>> no.

Hold on, charlotte?

>>.

[ applause ]

>> yes.

>> tell me that you aren't

Already friends with justin?

>> you mean this nerdy guy who

Used to do my homework when we

Were 10 because I let him see me

Naked.

>> jokes on her, I love doing

Homework.

>> did he tell you I look like a

Young keano reevs?

>> it might actually work out

This time.

*

* in the driveway you stand in

The window *

* what's inside is burning you

Dance until your head falls

Off *

* and what you want all night

Long is dancing to someone

Else's song *

* dancing to someone else's song

Dancing to someone else's -- *

*

>> hey, you guys see "The wiz"

Last night?

It was awesome.

It was so great seeing that many

Black people outside of the nba

Finals.

>> let me just get a quick pump

On.

How's that?

>> totally fixed it.

>> can I get a black eye.

It's a shot of whiskey with a

Black and tan?

>> how about a shot of whiskey

With a white and chunky?

I'm kidding.

I'm brett and I hate myself.

>> I thought it was cute.

You want to sneak out of here?

[ laughter]

>> so, who's getting married?

>> my new boss, suzy over there.

>> you go, girl.

>> no, you go, girl.

Straight to hel.

I hate her.

She has perfect skin, a great as

And her father gave her a

Fashion line.

>> don't be that mad you have

Some of those things.

>> so, what are you into girl

Wise?

I feel like your sex life is a

Lot like nick cage's movie

Career, you'll do anything.

>> in all fairness, I am trying

To get past that.

I bet when nick cage has sex and

Finishes he says his own name.

Ha, ha, nick cage.

>> ha-ha.

I have a kid.

Sorry, that comes out at random

Times and I knewhat you're going

To say you're too young to have

A kid.

>> that was actually a really

Good impression of me but --

>> hold on, I forgot this part.

>> don't want to show your male

Parts.

Anyway.

Listen --

[ laughter]

>> you're showing your

Personality so I feel like I can

Show my balls.

>> don't get us canceled twice.

[ cheers and laughter]

Anyway.

Anyway.

Boy, you have a kid, that's

Great.

Very cool.

You just like made that with

Your body or --

>> yeah.

That's kind of how it works.

His name is will but he's four,

So my body has had plenty of

Time to bounce back down there,

And -- am I ruining this or?

>> well, I was going to ask you

Out but you've been talking

About your vagina bouncing back.

So, do you want to go out

Tomorrow?

[ laughter]

>> you know what, don't act like

You two knew this was going to

Happen.

>> you're right, if I knew my

Best friend and oldest gal pal

Were going to get together, I

Would have brought the gospel

Choir you and I sing together

With every weekend.

* together forever and ever haul

Lieuia, hallelujah.

Hallelujah *

[ applause ]

.

Pll

*

>>> you know, I haven't seen

Brett in a while.

What happened with him and that

Guy last night?

>> he actually just tested me.

What do you think an emoji of a

Beer keg and a donkey means?

>> it means he tapped that as.

[ applause ]

>> well, you look so cute all

Dressed up.

>> you know I promised I

Wouldn't get too excited

Beutseeing you excited is

Getting me excited.

>> look, could you two quit

Looking at me like I'm a kid

Going to prom.

Come on, man, I hate that, dude.

Stop taking pictures, dude.

Very cool, very cool, very cool.

I mean, this is a grown up move

For you, danny.

Has anybody else here dated a

Woman with a kid?

>> I once dated a guy with a

14-year-old son.

Such a sweet kid.

He was mostly into baseball and

Stealing my underwear.

>> do you have any photoes of

You in the underwear so I know

What to look for?

>> I don't think charlotte

Having a kid is a big deal.

>> it's a huge deal.

My mother was a single mother, I

Latched on to every man she ever

Was with.

When you date somebody with a

Kid, it's immediately more

Serious.

It's real, it's more importante.

>> do you guys all agree?

>> si.

>> you look like a sexy vampire.

I'll call you count lacula.

>> I'm wearing three pairs of

Sex.

They're so tight I had to ride

In my uber like this.

>> I'm sorry but I don't think I

Can be your son's estban.

>> did you scare him away with

The story of escobar and all the

Women your mom slept with.

So, you know the gay guy at your

Boss's bachelorette party?

>> there was no guy, just the

Groom.

>> yeah, right, so I slept with

The groom.

*

>>> so, you think charlotte's

Still mad?

[ laughter]

>> yeah.

I do.

>> of course I am mad, you set

Me up with a guy who immediately

Bailed and mary poppins decided

To open up his umbrella inside

My boss's fiance.

>> don't be pissed at me, as

Soon as I realized it was the

Groom, I had a shower and got

Out of there.

>> be real, were you in that

Shower alone?

>> nope, there were two pens so

No.

>> sounds like some of my

Showers recently.

>> just casually bring it up at

Work in the break room.

You get a yogurt, you walk up

And say you know what I like

About the yogurt?

The fruit at the bottom and you

Know who else loves fruit at the

Bottom?

>> you guys would have been such

A good couple.

You're both loud and edgy and

Really pale.

You're like a female danny.

>> I wish I could find a female

Shelly.

[ applause ]

>> look.

[ laughter]

>> you want to smoke weed?

[ laughter]

*

>> I can't believe you ran out

On charlotte just because she

Has a kid.

>> look, I'm mad at myself too.

You know the scene in

"Footloose" where kevin bacon is

So against the world because he

Just wants to dance?

I've been doing that dance.

[ applause ]

>> hey, taking off was super

Weak.

>> I didn't even know he was in

The car until I pulled into the

Driveway.

>> I have was hiding in the

Backseat.

>> why don't you go out with

Charlotte and see what happens?

>> I had a whole conversation

With her for like an hour and

You know what, I would probably

Do it again and it's like, who

Feels that way?

>> look, I know it's scary when

A relationship already feels

Real and it's not even the

Beginning.

>> yeah, it's terrifying except

Now a kid is involved and

Obviously he's going to think

I'm awesome and what happens if

I ruins things with a kid like I

Normally do.

>> I'm jealous of your

Completely unearned confidence.

>> that's true.

You know how everybody has a

Voice inside them that tells

Them who they are, mine says

You're so awesome and bold and

Beautiful and strong and no

Matter what, you can do

Anything.

>> mine just says wine and

Cheeses are not a meal.

>> that's so sad.

Anyway, look, the problem is

That like charlotte's so cool

That she's twisting me up and

That voice I have is gone.

>> you're the best, danny.

You're so beautiful and bold and

Strong.

>> man, what are you doing?

>> I'm saying I'll be the voice

In your head it you need it,

Man, because you have a chance

At something real here.

Every day I go into that bar and

Hangout with a girl I'm crazy

About in hopes that one day if I

Wait long enough something real

Could happen.

You're so lucky you don't have

To miss your chance, man.

[ cheers and applause]

>> never speak of this moment.

[ laughter]

>> I kissed your sister.

*

*

[ knock at door]

>> thank you again for hosting a

Party at my friend's bar.

Will you go settle up with the

Bar tender and make sure you

Give him a big tip.

>> oh, he already did.

>> oh, good one, shelly.

Ha-ha.

>> justin here has something

He'd like to say to you.

You're up.

>> hello.

>> hi.

>> suzy, when you and doug go

Out for ice cream, you split a

Hot fudge sunday, do you get it

With all the works, the

Sprinkles the whipped cream?

>> no, doug hates nuts.

>> that's where you're wrong.

>> you know that old saying if

You can't say anything nice, let

Your boss marry a gay guy.

>> oh, good, charlotte, you're

Still here, can we talk?

>> sure, let me just say good

Bye to my friends here.

>> good to see you again.

So, cool move bringing the hot

Guy to the party for my friend,

Brett.

You guys old friends or what?

>> excuse me?

>> well, I'm just wondering how

You know brett 's boyfriend.

>> what?

>> no.

No, danny, no boyfriend.

>> oh, gotcha.

Message received.

How long have you known the guy

Who brett is having sex with?

>> what are you talking about?

>> I feel like I'm being very

Clear.

He had sexual intercourse with

Him and I'm wondering how you

Know him.

>> you're gay?

Are you kidding me?

>> whoa, whoa, whoa, lady.

It is 2015.

Okay.

Give me one good reason why he

Can't have hot sex with that man

Over there.

>> because he's my fiance.

>> that's actually a really good

Reason.

[ cheers and applause]

>> buy, suz, love you, mean it.

Good job.

>> wow, guys, you know what, I'm

Glad that this happened because

People should know what they're

Get nothing to before they start

A relationship.

So, yeah, for suzy maybe that

Means she needs to decide if she

Wants to marry a guy who is fine

With kissing other guys.

[ laughter]

>> yes, and for you, danny, it

Means deciding whether or not

You're grown up enough to date

My awesome friend who just so

Happens to have a child.

If it was up to me, I'd ask her

Out again but are you chicken.

>> you're the best, danny.

[ laughter and applause]

>> thanks, voice inside danny's

Head.

Look, I'm sorry I chickened out

The first time and I'd love

Another chance if you're up'd

Love to take you out to

Pizza.

>> sorry, you knew it.

Just kidding, I was pretending I

Had self esteem.

>> yep.

I knew this would all work out.

>> hey, no you didn't, all

Right.

>> choir.

*

* those are the facts of life

That I would know what *

* life looks like from above and

Down below *

* I keep you safe I keep you dry

Don't be afraid to *

* and you're the sky oh oh oh oh

I'm going to amsterdam dinner

Around the world with a

Congressman *

>> all new "Truth be told"

Starts right now.