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♪ Sing, sing a song ♪
2
00:00:30,176 --> 00:00:32,678
♪ Sing a song of songs ♪
3
00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,682
♪ Sing it out ♪
4
00:00:37,683 --> 00:00:39,618
♪ Sing it strong ♪
5
00:00:43,156 --> 00:00:44,390
♪ Yeah ♪
6
00:00:46,592 --> 00:00:48,527
♪ Honey, yeah ♪
7
00:00:52,565 --> 00:00:55,668
♪ Call the sun
in the dead of the night ♪
8
00:00:55,734 --> 00:00:59,738
♪ And the sun's gonna rise
in the sky ♪
9
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:05,711
Neil Diamond,
Hot August Night, 1972.
10
00:01:05,778 --> 00:01:08,547
That concert rocked.
And rolled.
11
00:01:08,614 --> 00:01:10,883
I know, 'cause I was there.
12
00:01:16,189 --> 00:01:17,523
That's me.
13
00:01:20,826 --> 00:01:22,495
My water broke.
14
00:01:22,561 --> 00:01:26,465
Ever since then I've had this
cosmic connection with Neil.
15
00:01:26,532 --> 00:01:28,501
But this story isn't about Neil.
16
00:01:28,567 --> 00:01:32,238
It's about me and my two pals,
Darren and J.D.
17
00:01:32,305 --> 00:01:34,607
Best friends since fifth grade.
18
00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:38,911
That's J.D.
19
00:01:38,977 --> 00:01:40,513
He's lactose intolerant.
20
00:01:43,582 --> 00:01:45,951
And he's not very bright.
21
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:48,154
Uh, that's Darren Silverman.
22
00:01:48,221 --> 00:01:49,988
He's the romantic.
23
00:01:50,055 --> 00:01:53,792
But when it comes to women,
he's incredibly gullible.
24
00:02:00,266 --> 00:02:02,135
That's me, Wayne.
25
00:02:02,901 --> 00:02:04,570
I'm loyal to my friends.
26
00:02:04,637 --> 00:02:06,472
If you weren't a girl,
I'd beat you up.
27
00:02:06,539 --> 00:02:07,673
Me, too!
28
00:02:07,740 --> 00:02:10,075
Ooh!
29
00:02:10,143 --> 00:02:11,844
Don't!
30
00:02:18,117 --> 00:02:20,519
After that, I started working out.
31
00:02:20,586 --> 00:02:22,688
We stayed best friends
throughout high school.
32
00:02:22,755 --> 00:02:26,292
Yep, I was
the third-string quarterback.
33
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:29,628
J.D. became the school mascot.
34
00:02:30,496 --> 00:02:32,365
♪ Hey, what you say? ♪
35
00:02:32,431 --> 00:02:34,700
♪ I don't remember
that I hear you ♪
36
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:38,471
♪ Yeah, yeah, you,
yeah, you, yeah, you, yeah, you ♪
37
00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:41,274
And Darren joined
the cheerleading squad.
38
00:02:45,844 --> 00:02:47,313
Uh, that's Sandy.
39
00:02:47,380 --> 00:02:50,249
Yeah, Darren's always
had a thing for her.
40
00:02:50,316 --> 00:02:52,518
When you're up
against the Warbird,
41
00:02:53,452 --> 00:02:56,289
you're upside down!
42
00:02:56,355 --> 00:02:58,424
Oh, that's Coach Norton.
43
00:02:58,491 --> 00:03:01,660
He was a big influence in our lives.
He taught us many things.
44
00:03:01,727 --> 00:03:04,330
Two things you got
to remember, boys.
45
00:03:04,397 --> 00:03:08,234
Number one,
stay away from women.
46
00:03:08,301 --> 00:03:11,270
All they want from you
is your man juice.
47
00:03:11,337 --> 00:03:16,875
Now, if you get any urges that
you can't suppress with hard liquor,
48
00:03:16,942 --> 00:03:18,043
use this.
49
00:03:19,678 --> 00:03:20,879
Oh, and number two?
50
00:03:20,946 --> 00:03:23,882
Sportsmanship!
Sportsmanship!
51
00:03:23,949 --> 00:03:26,252
Sportsmanship!
52
00:03:28,287 --> 00:03:31,190
Healy!
You fairy wimp fruit bag!
53
00:03:31,257 --> 00:03:32,791
You suck!
54
00:03:35,728 --> 00:03:38,163
Lefessier!
Get out there!
55
00:03:39,232 --> 00:03:41,300
I just gotta get my helmet.
56
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:44,169
Hey, guys! Guys...
Guys, I'm in!
57
00:03:46,339 --> 00:03:48,407
He's in! Wayne!
58
00:03:48,474 --> 00:03:49,975
Go, Wayne!
Go, Wayne!
59
00:03:56,549 --> 00:03:57,583
Hike!
60
00:04:04,323 --> 00:04:05,891
Oh!
61
00:04:05,958 --> 00:04:08,427
But now we're all grown up.
62
00:04:17,503 --> 00:04:21,039
J.D. is rapidly working
his way up the ladder at Subway.
63
00:04:21,106 --> 00:04:27,546
Recently, he was promoted to temporary second
assistant manager in charge of training.
64
00:04:27,613 --> 00:04:29,282
Okay McNugent,
let's see what you got.
65
00:04:29,348 --> 00:04:30,916
Sir.
66
00:04:30,983 --> 00:04:32,827
I've been working with
these guys for eight weeks.
67
00:04:32,851 --> 00:04:35,621
I'm proud to present to you the
future of Subway sandwiches.
68
00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:37,189
Belston.
69
00:04:37,256 --> 00:04:39,592
Three sizes of bevi are
small, medium and what?
70
00:04:39,658 --> 00:04:40,659
Uh...
71
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:42,361
Big?
72
00:04:42,428 --> 00:04:44,397
Come on, like we practiced.
You can do this.
73
00:04:45,097 --> 00:04:46,299
L...
74
00:04:47,466 --> 00:04:49,167
L...
75
00:04:49,668 --> 00:04:50,936
L...
76
00:04:51,003 --> 00:04:52,037
L...
77
00:04:52,104 --> 00:04:53,238
Long!
78
00:04:53,306 --> 00:04:55,608
Hmm. Okay,
we'll come back to you.
79
00:04:55,674 --> 00:04:58,611
Sir, this guy's my
stinkiest student by far.
80
00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:00,346
Trimble, let's see you sub.
81
00:05:02,415 --> 00:05:05,017
No. No. Meat on the inside.
Bread on the outside.
82
00:05:06,652 --> 00:05:07,653
Okay, take it away.
83
00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:08,854
Take it away.
Take it away.
84
00:05:08,921 --> 00:05:10,356
Take it away!
85
00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,625
Uh, don't judge me
on those two guys.
86
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:14,693
This next guy is my protégé.
87
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:15,961
He's top of his class,
88
00:05:16,028 --> 00:05:17,830
and for his thesis,
he made a party sub.
89
00:05:19,565 --> 00:05:20,899
Heston, where's the party sub?
90
00:05:33,879 --> 00:05:37,049
Darren is the social
director at a retirement home.
91
00:05:37,115 --> 00:05:38,551
"D-17."
92
00:05:38,617 --> 00:05:39,618
Bingo.
93
00:05:40,486 --> 00:05:42,388
Bingo.
94
00:05:42,455 --> 00:05:46,592
Abe, pull your pants up
or no more Matlock.
95
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:49,227
Oh!
96
00:05:49,294 --> 00:05:50,896
Yoo-hoo!
97
00:05:50,963 --> 00:05:52,631
Good mornin'.
98
00:05:52,698 --> 00:05:54,338
And, uh, I started
my own business.
99
00:05:56,034 --> 00:05:58,604
Okay, what are
we dealin' with here?
100
00:05:58,671 --> 00:06:01,139
I don't know what it is,
but it sounds big.
101
00:06:02,708 --> 00:06:04,677
Stay back.
I'm goin' in.
102
00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:11,684
Careful, sonny.
103
00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:20,359
Hey, so you're causin'
all this trouble, huh?
104
00:06:20,426 --> 00:06:22,561
Come here.
Hey there.
105
00:06:22,628 --> 00:06:23,996
Hello.
106
00:06:24,062 --> 00:06:27,265
You poor little thing, yeah.
107
00:06:27,332 --> 00:06:29,968
Here's your ferocious beast.
108
00:06:31,904 --> 00:06:33,372
Who is your mommy?
109
00:06:51,256 --> 00:06:53,091
Is it dead?
110
00:06:53,158 --> 00:06:57,362
No, but she is
in one deep coon coma.
111
00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:09,575
Oh!
112
00:07:09,642 --> 00:07:12,377
Don't! Don't!
Stop it!
113
00:07:13,979 --> 00:07:16,314
But we all have
one mystical thing in common,
114
00:07:16,381 --> 00:07:17,916
our love for Neil.
115
00:07:17,983 --> 00:07:20,352
That's our band,
Diamonds in the Rough.
116
00:07:21,954 --> 00:07:24,657
♪ Cherry, baby,
she got the way to groove me ♪
117
00:07:30,429 --> 00:07:34,132
♪ No, we won't tell a soul
where we gone to ♪
118
00:07:35,534 --> 00:07:39,271
♪ Girl, we do
whatever we want to ♪
119
00:07:40,973 --> 00:07:44,943
♪ Ah, I love the way
that you do me ♪
120
00:07:46,244 --> 00:07:50,048
♪ Cherry, babe,
you really get to me ♪
121
00:07:51,684 --> 00:07:54,352
♪ She got the way
to move me, Cherry ♪
122
00:07:54,419 --> 00:07:56,789
♪ She got the way
to groove me ♪
123
00:07:56,855 --> 00:07:58,891
♪ She got the way
to move me ♪
124
00:07:58,957 --> 00:08:01,994
♪ Cherry, baby ♪♪ She got the wayto groove me ♪
125
00:08:15,273 --> 00:08:16,642
Hi.
Hi.
126
00:08:16,709 --> 00:08:18,276
Hey, uh, I'm Darren.
127
00:08:18,343 --> 00:08:20,045
Sophie.
128
00:08:20,112 --> 00:08:22,290
I was wondering, maybe do
you want to grab a drink with me?
129
00:08:22,314 --> 00:08:24,483
I'm sorry, I'm involved.
130
00:08:24,550 --> 00:08:26,952
With a real entertainer.
131
00:08:35,894 --> 00:08:38,631
I can't believe I got
blown off again.
132
00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:40,533
I'm never gonna find
the right girl.
133
00:08:40,599 --> 00:08:43,001
Dude, you don't want a
chick who would fuck a mime.
134
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:46,705
Dude, what does a mime look like
when he's having sex anyway?
135
00:08:46,772 --> 00:08:51,076
It's probably like,
"Oh, oh, I'm a mime.
136
00:08:51,143 --> 00:08:52,611
"I'm a mime."
137
00:08:52,678 --> 00:08:54,547
Hey.
Mimes don't talk.
138
00:08:57,149 --> 00:08:59,785
They do when they're off duty.
139
00:09:01,419 --> 00:09:04,590
It's not her.
It's... It's all women.
140
00:09:04,657 --> 00:09:08,594
I'm really afraid that there's
nobody out there for me.
141
00:09:08,661 --> 00:09:12,698
The only girl I ever loved
walked out of my life years ago.
142
00:09:13,666 --> 00:09:14,933
Sandy Perkus.
143
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,702
Remember her?
144
00:09:16,769 --> 00:09:18,871
Her family was with the circus.
145
00:09:18,937 --> 00:09:20,639
Her dad was the strong man.
146
00:09:20,706 --> 00:09:22,775
Her mom was the bearded lady.
147
00:09:22,841 --> 00:09:24,677
And her brother was
the dogfaced boy.
148
00:09:25,544 --> 00:09:27,412
Bye, Darren!
149
00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:29,323
Before I could muster the
courage to ask her out, she moved away.
150
00:09:29,347 --> 00:09:31,383
Remember?
151
00:09:31,449 --> 00:09:33,485
You know, guys,
I truly believe
152
00:09:33,552 --> 00:09:37,590
that there is a one-and-only
someone for everyone.
153
00:09:38,290 --> 00:09:40,125
And Sandy.
154
00:09:40,192 --> 00:09:41,359
Sandy Perkus...
155
00:09:43,729 --> 00:09:45,530
Was my one and only.
156
00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,200
Man, that is really romantic.
157
00:09:48,266 --> 00:09:51,870
Oh, my God!
Look at that juicy piece of ass.
158
00:09:54,973 --> 00:09:56,942
What do you think of her?
159
00:09:57,009 --> 00:09:58,611
Who?
Right there.
160
00:09:58,677 --> 00:10:01,146
In the red? Oh.
161
00:10:01,213 --> 00:10:03,616
Yeah, she's gorgeous.
Go talk to her.
162
00:10:03,682 --> 00:10:05,818
No.
Okay, I'll do it for you.
163
00:10:05,884 --> 00:10:07,419
What?
Hey, wait!
164
00:10:08,186 --> 00:10:09,622
Wayne!
165
00:10:09,688 --> 00:10:11,056
Hi! I'm Wayne.
166
00:10:11,123 --> 00:10:12,457
No!
167
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,060
No, you don't understand.
I'm not hittin' on ya.
168
00:10:15,127 --> 00:10:16,662
Back off.
169
00:10:16,729 --> 00:10:19,765
I just want to tell you
about my buddy, Darren.
170
00:10:19,832 --> 00:10:22,500
He's smart.
He's sensitive. I don't care.
171
00:10:22,567 --> 00:10:24,813
I think he'd make a wonderful husband.
I don't want to meet him.
172
00:10:24,837 --> 00:10:26,004
Great!
173
00:10:29,407 --> 00:10:33,278
Dude, she wants you.
She thinks you're really cute. Really?
174
00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:36,782
Yeah, she's like, "I'm so excited
to meet him," and everything.
175
00:10:37,449 --> 00:10:38,884
Are you sure?
176
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:41,353
Totally. Get down there
and make your move.
177
00:10:41,987 --> 00:10:43,321
Oh, I don't know.
178
00:10:43,388 --> 00:10:44,823
Come on!
You can do it!
179
00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:46,158
Carpe poon!
180
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:47,559
Really?
181
00:10:48,193 --> 00:10:49,194
Okay.
182
00:10:50,295 --> 00:10:51,329
Okay, I'll do it.
183
00:10:51,396 --> 00:10:52,397
All right!
184
00:10:53,131 --> 00:10:54,399
Yes!
185
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:56,234
Yes.
186
00:10:59,204 --> 00:11:00,238
Hi!
187
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,008
I'm Darren.
188
00:11:04,142 --> 00:11:06,144
Darren.
My, uh...
189
00:11:06,211 --> 00:11:09,147
My friend said you wanted to meet me.
190
00:11:09,214 --> 00:11:10,448
He lied.
191
00:11:10,515 --> 00:11:13,051
That's,
uh, that's a good one.
192
00:11:13,118 --> 00:11:16,188
No, seriously,
I don't want to meet you.
193
00:11:21,359 --> 00:11:26,631
Well, um, my friend
must have been mistaken.
194
00:11:28,701 --> 00:11:30,335
I'm really sorry to bother you.
195
00:11:30,402 --> 00:11:31,603
Mmm-hmm.
196
00:11:35,874 --> 00:11:38,210
Let me guess.
197
00:11:38,276 --> 00:11:41,914
That jerk tried to get in your
pants with some tacky pickup line.
198
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:44,249
I'm not like that.
I use magic.
199
00:11:45,818 --> 00:11:47,085
Beat it, baldy.
200
00:11:47,152 --> 00:11:49,922
Okay, good stuff.
Tough crowd. I like that.
201
00:11:49,988 --> 00:11:54,192
I have here
two ordinary metal rings.
202
00:11:54,793 --> 00:11:56,028
You, me.
203
00:11:58,396 --> 00:12:01,333
Hello. Hello.
I "ruv" you.
204
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,502
Sorry.
I forgot my beer.
205
00:12:04,569 --> 00:12:08,340
This is my boyfriend, Darren,
so hit the bricks, porky.
206
00:12:08,406 --> 00:12:10,943
Okay.
Nice to meet you, Darren.
207
00:12:11,009 --> 00:12:12,010
Satan.
208
00:12:16,281 --> 00:12:19,251
I'm really sorry about
hitting on you before, I...
209
00:12:19,317 --> 00:12:21,253
You should be.
I am. I am.
210
00:12:21,319 --> 00:12:25,190
I just...
I wasn't thinking, and, um...
211
00:12:25,257 --> 00:12:27,760
You're so beautiful,
and I, um...
212
00:12:29,995 --> 00:12:31,930
I'm sorry.
213
00:12:31,997 --> 00:12:34,399
So make up for it.
Buy me a drink.
214
00:12:35,533 --> 00:12:37,770
Yeah, okay.
I'll have a scotch.
215
00:12:37,836 --> 00:12:39,637
Excuse me.
Can you give the lady a scotch,
216
00:12:39,704 --> 00:12:41,173
and I'll have another beer.
217
00:12:41,239 --> 00:12:43,117
Oh, he'll have a gin and tonic.
Make that a gin and tonic.
218
00:12:43,141 --> 00:12:44,509
You got it.
219
00:12:47,645 --> 00:12:51,216
Can you believe he hooked
up with the queen of all hotties?
220
00:12:51,283 --> 00:12:54,019
Hey, they're just
havin' a drink together.
221
00:12:54,086 --> 00:12:56,855
It's not like they're goin'
steady or anything.
222
00:12:56,922 --> 00:12:58,090
Right.
223
00:13:00,692 --> 00:13:03,228
It's midnight.
Know what that means?
224
00:13:03,295 --> 00:13:05,197
No.
What?
225
00:13:05,263 --> 00:13:07,032
It's our six-week anniversary.
226
00:13:07,933 --> 00:13:09,334
Oh.
227
00:13:09,401 --> 00:13:10,602
Did you get me anything?
228
00:13:10,668 --> 00:13:11,804
No.
229
00:13:11,870 --> 00:13:14,873
That's okay.
That's okay. No big deal.
230
00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:17,509
But... I...
231
00:13:18,944 --> 00:13:20,779
Got you a little something.
232
00:13:22,815 --> 00:13:25,183
Thanks.
That's really nice.
233
00:13:30,488 --> 00:13:33,225
You know,
I, I... I've been thinking.
234
00:13:33,291 --> 00:13:35,193
We've been...
235
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:37,896
Well, we've been together
for a while now,
236
00:13:37,963 --> 00:13:41,033
and it seems like
maybe it's time
237
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,270
we get a little...
A little more intimate.
238
00:13:47,272 --> 00:13:48,807
Are you saying
you want to have sex?
239
00:13:50,275 --> 00:13:51,944
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
240
00:13:53,278 --> 00:13:55,047
I don't believe in
premarital sex.
241
00:13:55,113 --> 00:13:57,149
I'd rather not cheapen
what we have together.
242
00:13:57,215 --> 00:14:00,752
Of course. Of course not.
Me neither.
243
00:14:00,819 --> 00:14:02,988
So I think it's best to wait.
I think you're right.
244
00:14:03,055 --> 00:14:05,523
I think...
I mean, you're...
245
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:07,325
It's best.
Yeah.
246
00:14:07,392 --> 00:14:10,829
But that doesn't mean
that we can't
247
00:14:11,830 --> 00:14:14,166
pleasure each other
in other ways.
248
00:14:20,438 --> 00:14:21,907
I got ya!
249
00:14:21,974 --> 00:14:22,975
Ho! I got ya!
250
00:14:23,876 --> 00:14:25,210
Yeah, but... What?
251
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:36,821
That was really great.
252
00:14:38,123 --> 00:14:39,124
Thanks.
253
00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:42,360
So, um...
254
00:14:42,427 --> 00:14:43,728
That got me pretty excited.
255
00:14:45,730 --> 00:14:47,265
That's nice.
256
00:14:47,332 --> 00:14:50,102
I mean, I... I wouldn't
mind if...
257
00:14:50,168 --> 00:14:52,304
Someone did that to me.
258
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:54,539
Oh, I get it.
You want me to go down on you.
259
00:14:55,573 --> 00:14:57,642
Yeah.
260
00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:59,945
Oh, God, I would
love to but I can't.
261
00:15:00,012 --> 00:15:01,947
I have very, very sensitive...
262
00:15:02,014 --> 00:15:03,081
Gums.
263
00:15:03,148 --> 00:15:04,349
Oh!
264
00:15:04,416 --> 00:15:07,085
It's... You have gums?
It's, um...
265
00:15:07,152 --> 00:15:08,820
It's a medical condition?
266
00:15:08,887 --> 00:15:10,655
Mmm-hmm.
No, I wouldn't want to
267
00:15:10,722 --> 00:15:12,424
cause you any pain, baby, no.
268
00:15:14,292 --> 00:15:15,427
You're so sweet.
269
00:15:20,232 --> 00:15:22,367
You know, there are
other ways to...
270
00:15:22,434 --> 00:15:24,136
Give me pleasure
without using your mouth.
271
00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:28,640
Oh, God, I am so inconsiderate.
I'm sorry.
272
00:15:28,706 --> 00:15:31,977
No, that's...
That's fine. That's fine.
273
00:15:37,015 --> 00:15:38,283
Have fun.
274
00:15:42,620 --> 00:15:45,223
Watch your head.
This place is a dump.
275
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,460
I really don't want to do this.
276
00:15:48,526 --> 00:15:51,129
No. No, come on.
It's gonna be great.
277
00:15:51,196 --> 00:15:54,666
It's our Sunday ritual,
and I want you to be part of it.
278
00:15:54,732 --> 00:15:56,301
I want you to get
to know these guys.
279
00:15:56,368 --> 00:15:58,870
You're gonna love 'em, honey.
You're gonna love 'em.
280
00:16:00,072 --> 00:16:03,275
Yeah! Buddy!
What's up, dude?
281
00:16:03,341 --> 00:16:04,509
What's up, J.D.?
282
00:16:04,576 --> 00:16:07,145
Judy, awesome to meet you.
283
00:16:07,745 --> 00:16:09,314
Judith.
284
00:16:09,381 --> 00:16:10,682
Judith.
285
00:16:10,748 --> 00:16:12,550
And a beer bong for the lady?
286
00:16:12,617 --> 00:16:13,718
Uh, no.
287
00:16:13,785 --> 00:16:16,588
Totally cool.
No peer pressure.
288
00:16:22,527 --> 00:16:24,496
Judith rules!
289
00:16:24,562 --> 00:16:26,664
Sorry.
Come on in.
290
00:16:26,731 --> 00:16:28,433
Dude, Darren.
Check it out, chewy.
291
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,435
Yo.
292
00:16:30,502 --> 00:16:32,170
You want a drink?
Hey, man.
293
00:16:32,237 --> 00:16:33,271
Um, scotch on the rocks.
294
00:16:33,338 --> 00:16:34,615
No problem,
you want ice with that?
295
00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:37,209
I'll help him.
I'll help you with that.
296
00:16:37,275 --> 00:16:40,912
Hey, Judith, can I give you
the grand tour? Uh, sure.
297
00:16:40,979 --> 00:16:44,082
Let's start right here
in the Hall O' Neil.
298
00:16:44,149 --> 00:16:48,253
This is Neil, '74.
Uh, check this out.
299
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:52,357
This is a set list from
the millennium concert. Look.
300
00:16:52,424 --> 00:16:55,460
Signed by Neil.
Got that on eBay.
301
00:16:55,527 --> 00:16:57,329
Looks like a Xerox.
302
00:16:57,395 --> 00:17:00,232
No.
This cost a lot of money.
303
00:17:00,298 --> 00:17:02,567
Check this out.
I think you got taken.
304
00:17:02,634 --> 00:17:05,203
Ready?
This shirt... Phew!
305
00:17:05,270 --> 00:17:06,904
Was worn by Neil...
306
00:17:08,573 --> 00:17:10,308
In concert.
307
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:12,744
Check it out.
We snuck backstage,
308
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:16,481
and totally stole it from him
while he was takin' a whiz.
309
00:17:16,548 --> 00:17:19,517
Well, in my profession,
we call your obsession with Neil Diamond
310
00:17:19,584 --> 00:17:22,187
a delusional projection fantasy.
311
00:17:22,254 --> 00:17:23,721
Yeah, sure,
312
00:17:23,788 --> 00:17:27,192
but he's America's greatest songwriter,
and he's our hero.
313
00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:29,994
And he's playin' the
forum in two weeks. Yeah.
314
00:17:30,062 --> 00:17:32,464
Of course, we can't go
'cause of the whole, you know,
315
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:34,766
restraining order thing.
316
00:17:43,075 --> 00:17:44,876
Neil, I love you!
317
00:17:44,942 --> 00:17:46,611
Come here! You again!
318
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,948
Neil! Neil! Neil!
319
00:17:51,015 --> 00:17:52,850
Neil, hey!
Where ya goin'?
320
00:17:52,917 --> 00:17:57,389
I wanna party with you!
I wanna party with you!
321
00:17:57,455 --> 00:17:58,923
Right. Game's on.
Game's on!
322
00:18:02,927 --> 00:18:05,463
What?
I want to leave.
323
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:07,031
Sweetheart, we just got here.
324
00:18:07,099 --> 00:18:09,134
These guys are pigs.
325
00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:11,536
Come on. No, they're...
they're not that...
326
00:18:11,603 --> 00:18:14,606
Hey. Hey!
What are you doin'?
327
00:18:14,672 --> 00:18:18,910
Dude, if you get the nachos
stuck together, that's one nacho.
328
00:18:18,976 --> 00:18:21,713
Uh, okay, look, why don't
we just stay for a little bit?
329
00:18:21,779 --> 00:18:24,349
Just a little while, huh?
330
00:18:24,416 --> 00:18:26,718
Oh, take mine.
Take mine. Take mine.
331
00:18:26,784 --> 00:18:28,686
Give her the old sweep-a-roo.
332
00:18:28,753 --> 00:18:32,124
Yep, old Ethel. We've been
through a lot of games together.
333
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,191
Enjoy.
334
00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:35,727
Let me help you with her.
335
00:18:35,793 --> 00:18:37,762
She's got multiple
reclining positions.
336
00:18:37,829 --> 00:18:39,140
That's okay.
I can just sit forward.
337
00:18:39,164 --> 00:18:40,441
Nah, that's all right.
It's a little stuck.
338
00:18:40,465 --> 00:18:42,334
No, no, it's fine.
Takes a little muscle.
339
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,736
Come on,
you fuckin' piece of shit.
340
00:18:44,802 --> 00:18:47,071
I don't need... I prefer...
I got it. It's no trouble.
341
00:18:50,242 --> 00:18:53,178
I'm sorry.
That hardly ever happens.
342
00:18:53,245 --> 00:18:55,680
You know what?
I think it's... Yep.
343
00:18:55,747 --> 00:18:58,049
It's the lug nut.
Fixed it.
344
00:18:58,116 --> 00:18:59,651
Please, have a seat.
345
00:18:59,717 --> 00:19:00,818
I'll stand.
346
00:19:01,953 --> 00:19:03,054
I'm a...
347
00:19:05,490 --> 00:19:06,558
Sorry.
348
00:19:06,624 --> 00:19:08,493
Get me something.
Yeah.
349
00:19:12,664 --> 00:19:15,567
So Darren tells me
you're a psychologist?
350
00:19:16,268 --> 00:19:17,835
That's right.
351
00:19:17,902 --> 00:19:20,572
It's interesting.
I'm in a related field.
352
00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:21,873
Really?
What's that?
353
00:19:21,939 --> 00:19:23,908
Pest and rodent removal.
354
00:19:23,975 --> 00:19:25,877
How is that related?
355
00:19:26,944 --> 00:19:28,846
We both help people.
356
00:19:28,913 --> 00:19:31,559
While you help them deal with
their emotional and intellectual needs,
357
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:35,487
I protect them from gophers,
coons, roaches, silverfish...
358
00:19:35,553 --> 00:19:38,089
He launched it.
All right, touchdown!
359
00:19:50,168 --> 00:19:53,738
I don't want you to see Wayne
or J.D. ever again, Darren.
360
00:19:53,805 --> 00:19:55,740
What?
But they're my best friends.
361
00:19:55,807 --> 00:19:59,911
You're getting new friends, and
you're quitting that bullshit band.
362
00:19:59,977 --> 00:20:02,514
I know you're upset.
I... I do,
363
00:20:02,580 --> 00:20:04,949
but I'm not dropping
Wayne and J.D.,
364
00:20:05,016 --> 00:20:07,419
and I'm not quitting the band.
365
00:20:07,485 --> 00:20:09,687
Okay, fine, no more sex.
366
00:20:09,754 --> 00:20:11,323
What?
367
00:20:11,389 --> 00:20:13,167
You're not allowed to go
down on me for one month.
368
00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:14,426
No, Judith, please...
369
00:20:14,492 --> 00:20:17,662
Don't make me take away
your masturbation privileges.
370
00:20:22,534 --> 00:20:25,603
♪ My baby is loving me,
yes, yes, she does ♪
371
00:20:25,670 --> 00:20:28,306
♪ Oh, she tells me
all the time, oh, Cherry ♪
372
00:20:28,373 --> 00:20:30,208
♪ All the time ♪
373
00:20:30,275 --> 00:20:31,919
♪ She says she's going to be
showing me tonight ♪
374
00:20:31,943 --> 00:20:34,712
♪ Oh, Cherry, what are you
going to show me? ♪
375
00:20:34,779 --> 00:20:36,180
♪ Oh, baby ♪
376
00:20:36,248 --> 00:20:39,917
♪ You got the way to be moving me,
oh, Cherry, baby ♪
377
00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,519
You go, boys.
You sing this song.
378
00:20:41,586 --> 00:20:42,820
You know it.
Come on, boys.
379
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:45,056
Come on! Sing it!
Sing it!
380
00:20:45,122 --> 00:20:46,724
This blows, man!
381
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:50,595
Judith's out of control.
We gotta do somethin'.
382
00:20:50,662 --> 00:20:53,598
Dude, besides ruining the band,
what else has she done?
383
00:20:53,665 --> 00:20:57,802
What? Ever since she moved in
with him, she's controlled his life.
384
00:20:57,869 --> 00:21:01,739
She didn't like how his ass looked.
Made him get butt cheek implants.
385
00:21:06,511 --> 00:21:09,080
I thought his ass
looked tighter.
386
00:21:09,146 --> 00:21:11,483
Check this out.
Last night,
387
00:21:11,549 --> 00:21:13,785
torched his Neil Diamond albums.
388
00:21:14,452 --> 00:21:15,920
She torched Neil?
389
00:21:15,987 --> 00:21:17,455
Oh!
390
00:21:22,126 --> 00:21:24,061
You're right.
The woman's a monster.
391
00:21:24,128 --> 00:21:25,563
Two, three, four.
392
00:21:25,630 --> 00:21:27,832
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da,
da, ba, da, da, ba, bop, bop ♪
393
00:21:27,899 --> 00:21:30,435
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da,
da, ba, da, da, ba, bop, bop ♪
394
00:21:30,502 --> 00:21:33,805
♪ Bop, bop, ba, da,
da, ba, da, da, ba, op, bop ♪
395
00:21:44,181 --> 00:21:46,083
Hey!
Yes!
396
00:21:46,150 --> 00:21:47,852
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
397
00:21:47,919 --> 00:21:49,487
It's all right.
398
00:21:49,554 --> 00:21:51,599
I only have a minute. I have to
get back and wax Judith's legs.
399
00:21:51,623 --> 00:21:53,725
We miss you.
We never see you anymore.
400
00:21:53,791 --> 00:21:56,093
Yeah, I know.
I'm sorry, I am,
401
00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:58,563
but I've just been so happy
spending time with Judith.
402
00:21:58,630 --> 00:22:02,266
You know? Plus, with my
relationship counseling sessions...
403
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:04,235
Counseling?
Yeah, yeah.
404
00:22:04,302 --> 00:22:06,203
I go two hours,
three times a week.
405
00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:08,039
Oh. Who's your counselor?
406
00:22:08,105 --> 00:22:09,441
Judith.
407
00:22:09,507 --> 00:22:11,909
Look. We don't think
she's right for you.
408
00:22:11,976 --> 00:22:13,511
Break up with her.
409
00:22:13,578 --> 00:22:16,348
She's ruining our lives
and yours.
410
00:22:16,414 --> 00:22:18,650
And this graph should
illustrate our point. Look.
411
00:22:18,716 --> 00:22:23,287
Before Judith, our fun level
was at an all-time high, 93.
412
00:22:23,355 --> 00:22:25,222
It is now an eight.
413
00:22:25,289 --> 00:22:27,359
Band numbers have
plunged dramatically as well.
414
00:22:27,425 --> 00:22:30,061
Girls, never very high, at nine,
415
00:22:30,127 --> 00:22:32,497
but look now.
Two.
416
00:22:32,564 --> 00:22:34,799
This has obviously led
to increased whacking off.
417
00:22:34,866 --> 00:22:36,133
I'm chafing.
418
00:22:37,702 --> 00:22:39,604
Shit. I have to get home
and heat the wax.
419
00:22:39,671 --> 00:22:43,307
Uh, guys, listen.
Thanks for your concern.
420
00:22:43,375 --> 00:22:45,577
Really.
And I miss you, too.
421
00:22:45,643 --> 00:22:48,245
But it was great seein' ya,
all right?
422
00:22:54,251 --> 00:22:57,489
That guy's in serious trouble.
Yeah.
423
00:22:57,555 --> 00:22:59,323
We need to save him.
424
00:23:01,993 --> 00:23:03,327
Sorry to bother ya.
425
00:23:03,395 --> 00:23:05,262
What are you doing here?
426
00:23:05,329 --> 00:23:08,232
Uh, well, first, we want to
apologize for the beer shower.
427
00:23:08,299 --> 00:23:10,267
And the salsa bath.
That was bad.
428
00:23:10,334 --> 00:23:11,536
Get the hell out of here.
429
00:23:11,603 --> 00:23:13,738
Whoa. Wait.
Just give us a minute, okay?
430
00:23:13,805 --> 00:23:15,773
My rate is $200 an hour.
431
00:23:16,708 --> 00:23:18,342
Do you have any money?
432
00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:20,311
I got some of that.
433
00:23:22,847 --> 00:23:24,616
Just give me the big bills.
434
00:23:24,682 --> 00:23:27,251
Six.
Is that all you have?
435
00:23:27,318 --> 00:23:28,953
37, 38.
436
00:23:32,857 --> 00:23:34,759
Two and a half minutes.
437
00:23:34,826 --> 00:23:38,195
Okay, look, we don't want
you seeing Darren anymore.
438
00:23:38,262 --> 00:23:39,540
We don't think
you're right for him.
439
00:23:39,564 --> 00:23:40,798
The band needs him.
440
00:23:40,865 --> 00:23:42,900
But we're prepared
to buy you off.
441
00:23:43,435 --> 00:23:44,769
With what?
442
00:23:45,703 --> 00:23:48,673
My house.
Okay? Look.
443
00:23:50,207 --> 00:23:51,576
My grandma here?
444
00:23:51,643 --> 00:23:54,946
She was born in this house,
is buried in the backyard.
445
00:23:55,012 --> 00:23:58,616
There's my mom.
There's my dad, and there's me.
446
00:23:59,651 --> 00:24:02,153
My dad was droppin' me
on my head.
447
00:24:02,219 --> 00:24:05,389
But we're willing
448
00:24:05,457 --> 00:24:07,391
to sign this over to you,
449
00:24:07,459 --> 00:24:10,094
if you just agree
not to see Darren.
450
00:24:10,161 --> 00:24:12,830
I don't want your shitty old house
or your dead grandmother.
451
00:24:13,598 --> 00:24:14,999
I'll throw J.D. in.
452
00:24:15,066 --> 00:24:17,502
He doesn't look like much,
but he's hung like a horse.
453
00:24:17,569 --> 00:24:19,537
It's true.
454
00:24:19,604 --> 00:24:22,907
Look, Darren's mine.
There's nothing you can do about it.
455
00:24:22,974 --> 00:24:24,942
I own him.
He does whatever I say.
456
00:24:25,009 --> 00:24:26,778
I'm in complete control of him.
457
00:24:26,844 --> 00:24:29,814
He's my puppet,
and I'm his puppet master.
458
00:24:29,881 --> 00:24:31,749
You're not takin'
Darren away from us!
459
00:24:31,816 --> 00:24:33,284
Just try to stop me.
460
00:24:35,319 --> 00:24:37,421
One round.
Winner takes Darren.
461
00:24:37,489 --> 00:24:38,723
You're on.
Kick her ass.
462
00:24:38,790 --> 00:24:39,791
Go.
463
00:24:40,792 --> 00:24:42,660
You've got quite a grip.
464
00:24:42,727 --> 00:24:44,328
You must be a heavy masturbator.
465
00:24:44,395 --> 00:24:47,131
My guess is...
Three times a day?
466
00:24:47,198 --> 00:24:49,266
I bet you're also
a premature ejaculator.
467
00:24:49,333 --> 00:24:51,002
Start off with a big bang.
468
00:24:51,068 --> 00:24:52,904
Before you know it, you're limp.
469
00:24:54,238 --> 00:24:55,807
Hey! I win. You lose.
Now get out.
470
00:24:56,641 --> 00:24:57,709
God!
471
00:24:57,775 --> 00:24:58,843
God!
472
00:25:07,519 --> 00:25:09,120
Hey, check it out.
473
00:25:11,556 --> 00:25:13,825
Hey, baby.
474
00:25:13,891 --> 00:25:16,060
Hello, ladies.
475
00:25:17,495 --> 00:25:19,163
So, uh, how much?
476
00:25:19,230 --> 00:25:22,767
50 bucks for you
and 200 for your friend.
477
00:25:24,936 --> 00:25:26,738
Okay.
All right.
478
00:25:26,804 --> 00:25:29,004
I want you to be laughin'
like he just said somethin'...
479
00:25:31,609 --> 00:25:32,710
Perfect!
480
00:25:33,745 --> 00:25:35,547
Get this one!
Be like this!
481
00:25:35,613 --> 00:25:36,981
Like this!
Like this!
482
00:25:37,048 --> 00:25:38,449
Douche!
Douche!
483
00:25:38,516 --> 00:25:39,884
Yeah you...
Slap his ass!
484
00:25:43,287 --> 00:25:44,488
That's not sexy.
485
00:25:49,193 --> 00:25:50,227
Yeah!
Awesome!
486
00:25:54,498 --> 00:25:55,499
Dude, watch it!
487
00:25:58,536 --> 00:26:00,037
You're movin my guy.
488
00:26:04,976 --> 00:26:06,778
Oh.
489
00:26:06,844 --> 00:26:08,012
Look it.
Look it.
490
00:26:13,685 --> 00:26:14,686
Good.
491
00:26:17,722 --> 00:26:19,190
Ah, dude.
Check this out.
492
00:26:20,692 --> 00:26:21,969
- Hurry up. Let's go.
- Okay.
493
00:26:21,993 --> 00:26:24,028
Okay, mailed.
Check. Let's go.
494
00:26:24,095 --> 00:26:26,030
Don't look back!
495
00:26:26,698 --> 00:26:27,799
Hurry up!
Come on!
496
00:26:29,066 --> 00:26:30,735
Hey, Judith.
How's it goin'?
497
00:26:30,802 --> 00:26:33,437
Not so good.
Look at these.
498
00:26:37,408 --> 00:26:39,276
Oh, my God.
Oh!
499
00:26:40,712 --> 00:26:43,581
He's sick.
He's perverted.
500
00:26:43,648 --> 00:26:44,882
And he's cheatin' on you.
501
00:26:44,949 --> 00:26:46,584
With two chicks.
502
00:26:46,651 --> 00:26:49,020
I don't know.
I guess I'd dump him?
503
00:26:49,086 --> 00:26:50,187
Oh, totally.
504
00:26:50,254 --> 00:26:51,723
Right?
Yeah!
505
00:26:51,789 --> 00:26:55,526
Do you guys think there's anything
weird about these photos, though?
506
00:26:55,593 --> 00:26:58,162
Mmm, no.
No, that's Darren, all right.
507
00:26:58,529 --> 00:27:00,598
Hey!
508
00:27:00,665 --> 00:27:02,800
Darren doesn't have a tattoo.
509
00:27:05,536 --> 00:27:06,904
Nice try, idiots.
510
00:27:06,971 --> 00:27:09,774
If I ever see either one
of you near Darren again,
511
00:27:09,841 --> 00:27:11,108
I'll kill you.
512
00:27:20,718 --> 00:27:21,819
Hey, hey.
513
00:27:21,886 --> 00:27:23,054
Hey!
Hey.
514
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:24,588
Thanks for meeting me here.
515
00:27:24,656 --> 00:27:27,458
I have something really
important to tell you guys.
516
00:27:27,524 --> 00:27:29,627
Aw, man, you broke up.
517
00:27:29,694 --> 00:27:33,965
No, no, no, no.
Out of the blue,
518
00:27:34,031 --> 00:27:36,500
Judith proposed to me.
We're engaged.
519
00:27:36,567 --> 00:27:38,569
What?
Dude, congratulations.
520
00:27:38,636 --> 00:27:40,337
Ow!
521
00:27:40,404 --> 00:27:43,941
Yeah, yeah, starting next week,
I'll be known as Mr. Darren Fessbeggler.
522
00:27:44,008 --> 00:27:46,577
Oh, right, 'cause you're gonna
take her last name, huh?
523
00:27:46,644 --> 00:27:48,412
Yeah.
Wow.
524
00:27:48,479 --> 00:27:52,516
Judith feels, and I think she's
got a really good point here,
525
00:27:52,583 --> 00:27:55,687
that it's sexist for the woman
to take the man's last name.
526
00:27:55,753 --> 00:27:58,322
Huh.
Yeah, and anyway, it's too late
527
00:27:58,389 --> 00:28:01,292
to make any changes because we've
already ordered the monogrammed towels.
528
00:28:01,358 --> 00:28:02,694
Right.
Yeah.
529
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,295
Darren.
530
00:28:04,361 --> 00:28:07,398
Sandy?
Sandy Perkus.
531
00:28:07,464 --> 00:28:09,466
Oh, my God. Darren!
Wow! Hey!
532
00:28:09,533 --> 00:28:12,303
It's been so long.
Yes, it has.
533
00:28:13,637 --> 00:28:14,739
Hey, it's Wayne.
534
00:28:14,806 --> 00:28:17,408
High school, remember?
You remember?
535
00:28:17,474 --> 00:28:19,243
♪ You can dance
if you want to ♪
536
00:28:19,310 --> 00:28:21,412
♪ You can leave
your friends behind ♪
537
00:28:21,478 --> 00:28:23,691
♪ Because if your friends
don't dance and if they don't dance ♪
538
00:28:23,715 --> 00:28:27,484
Oh, right,
the senior talent show.
539
00:28:27,551 --> 00:28:30,755
Yeah, you were booed
off the stage.
540
00:28:31,689 --> 00:28:32,857
That was me.
541
00:28:32,924 --> 00:28:36,327
Yep, Sandy, remember me,
J.D. McNugent?
542
00:28:36,393 --> 00:28:41,498
I was the guy who went to the prom
with the tuxedo painted on my naked body.
543
00:28:41,565 --> 00:28:44,001
Oh, I... I guess I missed it.
544
00:28:44,068 --> 00:28:48,773
I spilled a drink, and the paint ran,
and everyone could see my dong.
545
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,375
It doesn't ring a bell.
546
00:28:51,442 --> 00:28:54,812
Oh, oh, oh!
Remember that time in science class,
547
00:28:54,879 --> 00:28:58,549
I was lighting farts with a Bunsen burner,
and I singed my ball sack?
548
00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:01,685
Oh. No.
549
00:29:01,753 --> 00:29:04,956
Man. I still can't
grow hair on my left nut.
550
00:29:05,757 --> 00:29:07,024
It sucks.
551
00:29:08,726 --> 00:29:10,194
So how are ya?
552
00:29:10,261 --> 00:29:13,630
Oh! Great. Great.
I... I just moved back to town.
553
00:29:13,697 --> 00:29:15,532
Oh, wow, that's great.
554
00:29:15,599 --> 00:29:18,702
Sandy!
Oh, gosh, I have to go, but...
555
00:29:18,770 --> 00:29:20,371
It was... It was great
seeing you.
556
00:29:20,437 --> 00:29:22,506
Yeah, same here.
Me, too.
557
00:29:24,108 --> 00:29:25,376
Bye.
Bye.
558
00:29:25,442 --> 00:29:27,644
Take care.
Yeah. Okay, bye.
559
00:29:27,711 --> 00:29:30,547
Awesome.
Yeah, bye! Bye.
560
00:29:31,482 --> 00:29:32,884
Wow.
561
00:29:32,950 --> 00:29:35,519
Oh, my God!
This is it!
562
00:29:35,586 --> 00:29:37,521
What?
563
00:29:37,588 --> 00:29:41,092
It's your big chance. Sandy Perkus
has just walked back into your life.
564
00:29:41,158 --> 00:29:44,195
You even said so yourself.
She was your one-and-only someone!
565
00:29:44,261 --> 00:29:45,596
She used to be.
566
00:29:45,662 --> 00:29:47,999
Now Judith is
my one-and-only someone.
567
00:29:48,065 --> 00:29:50,768
Okay, I'll... I'll talk
to you guys later, okay?
568
00:29:51,903 --> 00:29:54,571
Isn't one-and-only like one...
569
00:29:55,973 --> 00:29:57,241
And only?
570
00:30:04,816 --> 00:30:07,384
Here's your drink.
Where's the lemon wedge?
571
00:30:07,451 --> 00:30:10,254
Sorry. We were out of lemons,
but I could run to the store.
572
00:30:10,321 --> 00:30:13,690
Forget it. I want you to
meet two exciting people.
573
00:30:13,757 --> 00:30:16,693
Brett is a tax attorney,
and Clayton's a CPA.
574
00:30:16,760 --> 00:30:19,696
Wow. That... That is...
That is exciting.
575
00:30:19,763 --> 00:30:21,532
This is my fiancé, Darren.
576
00:30:21,598 --> 00:30:22,834
Pleased to meet you.
Same here.
577
00:30:22,900 --> 00:30:24,735
Congratulations.
Thank you.
578
00:30:24,802 --> 00:30:27,271
Oh, excuse me. I'll get that.
579
00:30:31,075 --> 00:30:32,143
Hi.
580
00:30:32,209 --> 00:30:34,345
Hi. Is, uh,
Darren here?
581
00:30:34,411 --> 00:30:36,881
I think he left
his Vespa helmet.
582
00:30:36,948 --> 00:30:38,282
What's goin' on?
583
00:30:38,349 --> 00:30:39,951
We're having
our engagement party.
584
00:30:40,017 --> 00:30:45,322
Oh, then I guess our invitations
must have been lost in the mail.
585
00:30:45,389 --> 00:30:48,592
No, I think it's very
possible, Wayne,
586
00:30:48,659 --> 00:30:50,928
that she didn't even
send us invitations.
587
00:30:52,763 --> 00:30:53,965
Thanks for stopping by.
588
00:30:54,031 --> 00:30:55,699
Who's Darren talkin' to?
589
00:30:55,766 --> 00:30:57,234
Those are his new friends.
590
00:30:59,736 --> 00:31:01,138
Oh, hey, guys.
591
00:31:01,205 --> 00:31:03,640
Oh, good. I'll have a merlot.
I'll have a spritzer.
592
00:31:03,707 --> 00:31:05,542
We don't work here.
593
00:31:05,609 --> 00:31:08,645
Fooled me. Okay, my name is Brett,
and this is Clayton.
594
00:31:08,712 --> 00:31:09,813
And this is Darren.
595
00:31:09,881 --> 00:31:12,749
Yeah, we know
who he is, Clayton.
596
00:31:12,816 --> 00:31:15,119
Darren's our friend, Brett.
597
00:31:15,186 --> 00:31:18,489
We knew him first.
Fuck you, replacement friend!
598
00:31:18,555 --> 00:31:20,257
Eat this, fake Wayne!
599
00:31:33,737 --> 00:31:34,738
Get out of here!
600
00:31:35,706 --> 00:31:37,108
Get out!
601
00:31:42,013 --> 00:31:43,514
Hey! This isn't over yet!
602
00:31:43,580 --> 00:31:46,650
We're not givin' up on Darren!
Yeah!
603
00:31:46,717 --> 00:31:48,752
Come on!
Yeah, ha!
604
00:31:53,657 --> 00:31:55,960
She thinks this game is over.
605
00:31:56,027 --> 00:31:58,062
It's not over!
No!
606
00:31:58,129 --> 00:32:00,364
We are taking
this into overtime!
607
00:32:00,431 --> 00:32:02,333
Come on!
Yeah, ha!
608
00:32:02,399 --> 00:32:04,801
Yeah! Okay,
strategy session.
609
00:32:04,868 --> 00:32:06,703
Okay, our enemy is wicked.
610
00:32:06,770 --> 00:32:08,205
Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
611
00:32:08,272 --> 00:32:10,274
Damien.
Dude, she's Vader.
612
00:32:10,341 --> 00:32:12,176
No! She's the Emperor!
613
00:32:12,243 --> 00:32:13,911
Yeah, but with
really great tits.
614
00:32:13,978 --> 00:32:16,580
Okay, now, Sandy,
that girl, she's a nice girl.
615
00:32:16,647 --> 00:32:17,681
Oh, yeah.
616
00:32:17,748 --> 00:32:19,483
She's a sweetheart.
Dude, a saint.
617
00:32:19,550 --> 00:32:21,085
She's a goddess.
A princess.
618
00:32:21,152 --> 00:32:23,854
Know what, she's kind
of like Mother Teresa.
619
00:32:23,921 --> 00:32:25,889
Yeah, but with way better tits.
620
00:32:25,957 --> 00:32:30,261
And Darren loves Sandy,
no matter what he says. Definitely.
621
00:32:30,327 --> 00:32:32,363
That is why we have
to intervene... Yep.
622
00:32:32,429 --> 00:32:34,298
And fix the problem!
Definitely!
623
00:32:34,365 --> 00:32:36,467
All right!
Yeah!
624
00:32:36,533 --> 00:32:39,436
We're gonna kidnap Judith
and set Darren up with Sandy.
625
00:32:39,503 --> 00:32:41,072
Yeah!
626
00:32:42,940 --> 00:32:44,041
What?
627
00:32:49,713 --> 00:32:52,383
The bat is leaving the cave.
628
00:32:53,150 --> 00:32:55,052
Roger that.
629
00:33:04,661 --> 00:33:05,762
Gaw...
630
00:33:06,397 --> 00:33:07,431
Uh?
631
00:33:11,702 --> 00:33:15,339
Alarm system
has been deactivated. Out.
632
00:33:15,406 --> 00:33:18,242
Roger that.
633
00:33:18,309 --> 00:33:19,676
Dude, you don't
have to do the...
634
00:33:19,743 --> 00:33:20,777
Sound.
635
00:33:20,844 --> 00:33:22,846
It already does that. Out.
636
00:33:22,913 --> 00:33:25,416
Copy that. I'm not gonna
make the
637
00:33:25,482 --> 00:33:27,484
sound after I say stuff
from now on.
638
00:33:29,386 --> 00:33:31,755
J.D. McNugent, over and out.
639
00:33:33,157 --> 00:33:34,858
That was the last one.
640
00:33:45,902 --> 00:33:47,804
I'm scared.
What if we get caught?
641
00:33:47,871 --> 00:33:49,040
Not gonna happen.
642
00:33:55,079 --> 00:33:57,281
I'm hungry.
643
00:33:57,348 --> 00:33:58,815
We'll eat later.
644
00:33:58,882 --> 00:34:00,717
Could we go to Happy Burger?
645
00:34:00,784 --> 00:34:02,853
Yes, after the kidnapping.
646
00:34:02,919 --> 00:34:05,656
I'm gonna get a Chubby
Checker with... Shh!
647
00:34:07,124 --> 00:34:08,525
With cheese.
648
00:34:25,476 --> 00:34:26,577
What?
649
00:34:34,585 --> 00:34:37,088
You go downstairs.
I'll check upstairs.
650
00:34:37,154 --> 00:34:39,356
Do the Navy SEALs signals.
Come on.
651
00:34:39,423 --> 00:34:42,559
I only know
the Air Force signals.
652
00:34:42,626 --> 00:34:45,529
I'm gonna be on lookout.
Shh! God.
653
00:34:54,205 --> 00:34:56,140
I haven't located her yet.
654
00:34:56,207 --> 00:34:57,541
Me neither.
655
00:34:57,608 --> 00:34:59,243
Keep checking.
656
00:34:59,310 --> 00:35:03,214
Wait a second, I think I see
something in the back of the refrig...
657
00:35:04,248 --> 00:35:06,283
In the back of the closet.
658
00:35:06,350 --> 00:35:08,018
Check it out.
659
00:35:08,085 --> 00:35:10,421
Nope.
Coast is clear.
660
00:35:10,487 --> 00:35:12,456
I'm gonna keep lookin'
down here, buddy.
661
00:35:12,523 --> 00:35:14,558
You keep an eye peeled up there.
662
00:35:30,707 --> 00:35:33,277
Ow! Oh, shit!
663
00:35:35,312 --> 00:35:36,480
What is it?
664
00:35:36,547 --> 00:35:38,749
I'm hit.
I need backup.
665
00:35:39,850 --> 00:35:41,185
I'm comin'.
666
00:35:44,455 --> 00:35:45,456
What happened?
667
00:36:10,381 --> 00:36:11,448
Ow!
668
00:36:13,116 --> 00:36:14,251
Help!
669
00:36:29,866 --> 00:36:31,735
Dead... Leg.
670
00:36:34,405 --> 00:36:36,139
Help me, Wayne!
671
00:36:43,180 --> 00:36:44,381
Oh, my God!
672
00:36:58,094 --> 00:37:00,731
Get the door.
Get the door.
673
00:37:23,854 --> 00:37:25,055
Judith?
674
00:37:28,292 --> 00:37:29,360
Judith?
675
00:37:31,862 --> 00:37:34,731
"Darren, I'm leaving you.
We're finished. Done.
676
00:37:34,798 --> 00:37:37,200
"Don't call, write,
e-mail or fax.
677
00:37:37,268 --> 00:37:40,036
"I never want to see your face
or your fake butt again."
678
00:38:11,635 --> 00:38:13,404
Okay, get down there.
679
00:38:13,470 --> 00:38:15,672
Dude, wait.
Why me?
680
00:38:15,739 --> 00:38:18,008
Because you're in charge
of guarding Judith.
681
00:38:18,074 --> 00:38:19,610
I'm dealing
with Darren and Sandy.
682
00:38:19,676 --> 00:38:21,177
But when we let her go,
683
00:38:21,244 --> 00:38:22,746
she'll be able to identify me.
684
00:38:22,813 --> 00:38:26,850
No, she, uh, won't be able to,
'cause you'll be wearing this.
685
00:38:26,917 --> 00:38:28,519
But after we let Judith go,
686
00:38:28,585 --> 00:38:30,954
the cops will be looking for
a guy dressed in a bird suit.
687
00:38:31,021 --> 00:38:33,390
So? So what am I
gonna wear to work?
688
00:38:33,457 --> 00:38:34,891
Your work clothes.
689
00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:36,927
But tomorrow's casual Friday.
690
00:38:37,528 --> 00:38:39,195
Get downstairs!
691
00:38:46,537 --> 00:38:47,938
Who the hell are you?
692
00:39:02,185 --> 00:39:04,855
Hi.
Hey, Sandy!
693
00:39:04,921 --> 00:39:07,958
Hi.
Hi, yeah.
694
00:39:08,024 --> 00:39:10,561
Thanks for meeting me.
I know I just called you out of the blue.
695
00:39:10,627 --> 00:39:12,128
That's okay.
696
00:39:12,195 --> 00:39:14,331
I love catching up with
old high school friends.
697
00:39:14,398 --> 00:39:16,132
Yeah.
Are you single?
698
00:39:16,199 --> 00:39:17,734
Yes.
699
00:39:17,801 --> 00:39:21,505
Great. Look, I wanted to talk
to you about Darren Silverman.
700
00:39:21,572 --> 00:39:23,173
He's a really good guy.
Ah.
701
00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:26,276
You know what?
He works with the elderly.
702
00:39:26,343 --> 00:39:27,844
Really!
Yeah.
703
00:39:27,911 --> 00:39:29,245
That is so sweet.
704
00:39:29,312 --> 00:39:31,190
You know, he still talks
about you all the time.
705
00:39:31,214 --> 00:39:32,916
Oh, Wayne,
there's something I need to...
706
00:39:32,983 --> 00:39:34,818
He even writes poems about you.
707
00:39:34,885 --> 00:39:38,389
In fact, I think he loves you.
708
00:39:38,455 --> 00:39:40,891
Wayne, I'm going
to become a nun.
709
00:39:40,957 --> 00:39:42,092
Huh?
710
00:39:42,158 --> 00:39:43,226
Yeah.
711
00:39:43,293 --> 00:39:45,462
In a week I take my final vows.
712
00:39:45,529 --> 00:39:49,065
I didn't even know
that you were religious.
713
00:39:49,132 --> 00:39:51,067
Oh, well, I wasn't
in high school.
714
00:39:51,134 --> 00:39:54,738
But after I graduated, I went and
I joined my parents in the circus.
715
00:39:54,805 --> 00:39:56,707
And I became a trapeze artist.
716
00:39:58,442 --> 00:40:01,344
I fell in love with
my partner, Luigi Panini.
717
00:40:01,412 --> 00:40:05,482
Ladies and gentlemen,
the fabulous Luigi!
718
00:40:05,549 --> 00:40:08,485
Everything was perfect, until...
719
00:40:08,552 --> 00:40:10,854
Well, there were these
talent scouts in the audience.
720
00:40:10,921 --> 00:40:13,323
Luigi wanted to impress them.
721
00:40:13,390 --> 00:40:15,158
He was a great trapeze artist,
722
00:40:15,225 --> 00:40:17,227
but he was completely vain.
723
00:40:17,293 --> 00:40:19,806
And now Luigi will
attempt the most dangerous stunt
724
00:40:19,830 --> 00:40:21,732
in the history of trapeze,
725
00:40:21,798 --> 00:40:23,634
the Quadruple Bierman.
726
00:40:39,450 --> 00:40:41,184
Luigi!
727
00:40:44,354 --> 00:40:45,556
Wow.
728
00:40:45,622 --> 00:40:46,990
Yeah.
729
00:40:47,057 --> 00:40:51,061
After Luigi died, I knew I
would never love again.
730
00:40:51,127 --> 00:40:55,899
That's when I decided to devote my life
to serving the Lord and helping others.
731
00:40:55,966 --> 00:41:00,070
So you haven't taken
your final vows yet, right?
732
00:41:00,136 --> 00:41:01,304
Right.
733
00:41:01,371 --> 00:41:05,175
So, technically,
you're not a nun yet.
734
00:41:05,241 --> 00:41:07,911
Well, no.
I mean, not yet.
735
00:41:07,978 --> 00:41:10,914
So why not just have
lunch with Darren?
736
00:41:12,983 --> 00:41:15,519
I just can't figure out
why Judith left.
737
00:41:15,586 --> 00:41:17,320
It doesn't make any sense.
738
00:41:17,387 --> 00:41:19,189
She didn't even
take her clothes.
739
00:41:19,255 --> 00:41:21,558
Maybe she went someplace
where she didn't need clothes,
740
00:41:21,625 --> 00:41:22,993
like a nudist colony.
741
00:41:23,059 --> 00:41:25,896
I don't think so.
Maybe she got kidnapped.
742
00:41:25,962 --> 00:41:27,197
You think?
743
00:41:27,263 --> 00:41:29,332
No, no.
Definitely not.
744
00:41:29,399 --> 00:41:31,234
That's impossible.
That's like...
745
00:41:31,301 --> 00:41:33,937
Why would that happen
in a world?
746
00:41:34,004 --> 00:41:35,271
Maybe she's a lesbo.
747
00:41:37,407 --> 00:41:38,675
Maybe she's a herm.
748
00:41:40,577 --> 00:41:44,280
Yeah, hermaphrodite. Little dick,
little puss. What?
749
00:41:46,483 --> 00:41:48,652
Hey!
750
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,621
Guess who I bumped into today?
751
00:41:50,687 --> 00:41:54,725
Who? Sandy Perkus,
and she wants to see you.
752
00:41:54,791 --> 00:41:56,660
I'm engaged to Judith, Wayne.
753
00:41:56,727 --> 00:41:58,294
She dumped you, dude.
754
00:41:58,361 --> 00:42:01,397
Just have lunch with Sandy.
What's it gonna hurt?
755
00:42:01,464 --> 00:42:04,300
No way.
Judith's coming back.
756
00:42:04,367 --> 00:42:05,936
Yeah, what if she doesn't?
757
00:42:06,002 --> 00:42:09,239
As long as Judith's alive,
I'll never give up on her.
758
00:42:09,305 --> 00:42:10,674
Okay?
Okay?
759
00:42:16,312 --> 00:42:18,815
I got it. Crowbar me.
760
00:42:22,485 --> 00:42:24,454
Oh, my God.
What is it?
761
00:42:24,521 --> 00:42:26,356
This dead chick
is really stacked.
762
00:42:32,362 --> 00:42:34,998
Okay, go, go, go.
763
00:42:35,065 --> 00:42:37,433
What are you doin'?
Jacket's caught.
764
00:42:37,500 --> 00:42:38,935
Well, take it off.
765
00:42:39,002 --> 00:42:40,771
I love this jacket!
766
00:42:41,271 --> 00:42:42,438
Lose it!
767
00:42:45,976 --> 00:42:48,411
Oh, why, why, why?
768
00:42:59,222 --> 00:43:02,626
Damn.
That was my favorite jacket.
769
00:43:07,263 --> 00:43:10,366
A bizarre incident last night.
Local resident, Judith Fessbeggler,
770
00:43:10,433 --> 00:43:13,169
was incinerated beyond
recognition when her BMW
771
00:43:13,236 --> 00:43:15,538
careened off a cliff
into a rocky gorge.
772
00:43:15,606 --> 00:43:17,340
Investigators have
declared it an accident,
773
00:43:17,407 --> 00:43:19,542
and no foul play is suspected.
774
00:43:22,278 --> 00:43:25,616
And in unrelated news, the body of
deceased local resident Joan Snerd
775
00:43:25,682 --> 00:43:27,951
was dug up in an apparent
grave robbing last night.
776
00:43:28,018 --> 00:43:30,320
Police have arrested
three Cuban nationals.
777
00:43:41,598 --> 00:43:42,999
Why are you doin' this?
778
00:43:43,066 --> 00:43:45,535
So you can eat and
have somethin' to wear.
779
00:43:45,602 --> 00:43:47,738
No, why did you kidnap me?
780
00:43:47,804 --> 00:43:49,172
I'm not supposed to tell ya.
781
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,442
Oh, I get it.
The other guy is the boss.
782
00:43:54,177 --> 00:43:56,379
No, I make decisions, too.
783
00:43:57,380 --> 00:43:59,549
I suggested that.
784
00:43:59,616 --> 00:44:01,151
An outhouse. Clever.
785
00:44:01,217 --> 00:44:02,285
Thanks.
786
00:44:02,352 --> 00:44:04,054
You must be very well-educated.
787
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,155
I suppose.
788
00:44:05,221 --> 00:44:06,289
Ivy league?
789
00:44:06,356 --> 00:44:07,423
More or less.
790
00:44:07,490 --> 00:44:09,592
Oh, which one?
Yale, Harvard, Princeton?
791
00:44:09,660 --> 00:44:10,727
SU.
792
00:44:10,794 --> 00:44:12,495
Oh, Stanford University?
793
00:44:14,497 --> 00:44:16,633
Subway University.
794
00:44:16,700 --> 00:44:19,169
Oh, yeah, wait.
I know someone who went there.
795
00:44:19,235 --> 00:44:20,671
Did you know J.D. McNugent?
796
00:44:20,737 --> 00:44:22,472
No, no.
797
00:44:22,538 --> 00:44:24,340
Never heard of
such a person ever!
798
00:44:24,407 --> 00:44:26,276
Oh, well.
799
00:44:26,342 --> 00:44:27,711
Well, see you
later, J.D.
800
00:44:27,778 --> 00:44:29,079
Take it easy, Judith.
801
00:44:30,981 --> 00:44:32,916
Goddamnit!
802
00:44:32,983 --> 00:44:34,550
She knows who we are?
803
00:44:34,617 --> 00:44:36,586
Dude, there was nothin'
I could do.
804
00:44:36,653 --> 00:44:38,855
She used her super
intellect on me, man.
805
00:44:38,922 --> 00:44:40,223
She's like Hannibal Lecter.
806
00:44:40,290 --> 00:44:42,025
Great.
Now we can't let her go.
807
00:44:42,092 --> 00:44:43,694
So what are we gonna do?
808
00:44:45,628 --> 00:44:47,263
Coach! Coach! Hey!
809
00:44:47,330 --> 00:44:49,733
Well! If it ain't my favorite
third-string quarterback...
810
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,302
And the best damn mascot
Wheaton High School ever had.
811
00:44:53,436 --> 00:44:54,905
He's still got it.
812
00:44:54,971 --> 00:44:56,239
All right.
813
00:44:56,306 --> 00:44:57,941
It's good seein' you boys.
814
00:44:58,008 --> 00:44:59,910
I want to thank you
for comin' to my trial.
815
00:44:59,976 --> 00:45:01,411
Oh no problem, Coach.
816
00:45:01,477 --> 00:45:03,814
We were happy to act as
witnesses on your behalf.
817
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:06,216
Yeah, that ref blew.
He deserved what he got.
818
00:45:10,253 --> 00:45:11,755
Touchdown!
819
00:45:11,822 --> 00:45:14,524
No touchdown! No touchdown!
He's out of bounds!
820
00:45:14,590 --> 00:45:16,526
What?
Out of bounds!
821
00:45:20,764 --> 00:45:22,398
Oh!
822
00:45:24,801 --> 00:45:26,069
Whoops.
823
00:45:30,774 --> 00:45:33,409
Coach, do you think
after you get out of prison
824
00:45:33,476 --> 00:45:35,746
they'll let you get
your old job back?
825
00:45:35,812 --> 00:45:38,782
Well, boys, I don't think so.
826
00:45:38,849 --> 00:45:40,917
So when are they
gonna let you out?
827
00:45:40,984 --> 00:45:42,753
Well, I've got
an appeal pending,
828
00:45:42,819 --> 00:45:44,687
but it doesn't look good.
829
00:45:44,755 --> 00:45:47,891
The victim's whiny
family's protesting.
830
00:45:47,958 --> 00:45:50,026
What's their damn problem?
831
00:45:50,093 --> 00:45:52,495
So what brings you boys
up here today?
832
00:45:52,562 --> 00:45:54,798
Well, Coach,
we need your advice.
833
00:45:54,865 --> 00:45:56,232
Okay, shoot.
834
00:45:56,299 --> 00:45:59,035
Darren fell in love
with this girl Judith.
835
00:45:59,102 --> 00:46:01,071
And we kidnapped her.
836
00:46:01,137 --> 00:46:02,305
Kill her.
837
00:46:02,372 --> 00:46:05,275
Okay, just wait a minute.
Let me finish.
838
00:46:05,341 --> 00:46:09,045
So, we screwed up, 'cause
now she knows who we are.
839
00:46:09,112 --> 00:46:12,215
We can't let her go,
or she'll turn us in.
840
00:46:12,282 --> 00:46:13,984
Is that it?
That everything?
841
00:46:14,050 --> 00:46:15,485
Yeah.
842
00:46:15,551 --> 00:46:16,686
Hmm.
843
00:46:16,753 --> 00:46:17,888
Kill her!
844
00:46:17,954 --> 00:46:20,590
Well, we can't kill her.
845
00:46:20,656 --> 00:46:22,292
Sure, you can!
846
00:46:22,358 --> 00:46:24,370
You're Wheaton Warbirds.
You can do anything you put your minds to.
847
00:46:24,394 --> 00:46:26,296
Yeah, but, Coach, come on.
848
00:46:26,362 --> 00:46:28,098
We can't actually kill a person.
849
00:46:28,164 --> 00:46:31,034
What is it that I always said?
850
00:46:31,101 --> 00:46:33,736
If you can dream it,
you can do it.
851
00:46:33,804 --> 00:46:34,971
Exactly!
852
00:46:35,038 --> 00:46:36,306
You have the dream.
853
00:46:36,372 --> 00:46:38,408
All you have to do is
turn it into reality.
854
00:46:39,442 --> 00:46:41,377
Okay.
Attaboy!
855
00:46:41,444 --> 00:46:43,446
Now go on home
and snuff that bitch!
856
00:46:43,513 --> 00:46:44,881
Come on, move.
Thanks, Coach.
857
00:46:44,948 --> 00:46:47,517
Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut!
858
00:46:51,487 --> 00:46:52,923
Where's your bird suit?
859
00:46:52,989 --> 00:46:55,658
I don't need it,
because we're...
860
00:46:57,260 --> 00:46:59,362
Because we're
gonna kill you, right?
861
00:46:59,429 --> 00:47:00,430
Right.
862
00:47:02,232 --> 00:47:04,167
You guys aren't gonna shoot me.
863
00:47:04,234 --> 00:47:06,336
Oh, yeah?
What makes you say that?
864
00:47:06,402 --> 00:47:07,637
Because you're not killers.
865
00:47:07,703 --> 00:47:09,072
Sure, we are.
866
00:47:09,139 --> 00:47:10,673
You've never killed anyone.
867
00:47:10,740 --> 00:47:12,475
I killed a man once.
Oh, really?
868
00:47:12,542 --> 00:47:14,044
Yeah.
Who?
869
00:47:14,110 --> 00:47:15,912
Kevin... Beckley.
870
00:47:15,979 --> 00:47:19,082
You didn't kill Kevin Beckley.
He died in a car wreck.
871
00:47:20,183 --> 00:47:22,853
She doesn't know that.
God damn it.
872
00:47:22,919 --> 00:47:25,989
You see? You guys have never
killed anything in your entire lives.
873
00:47:26,056 --> 00:47:28,458
Oh, yeah?
One time I was drivin',
874
00:47:28,524 --> 00:47:30,093
and this squirrel
ran out in the street.
875
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:31,627
I ran over him.
876
00:47:31,694 --> 00:47:33,639
He didn't die right then,
but he was limpin' and stuff.
877
00:47:33,663 --> 00:47:35,207
I'm pretty sure he
died right after that.
878
00:47:35,231 --> 00:47:36,666
Look.
879
00:47:36,732 --> 00:47:39,035
It doesn't matter whether
we've killed anybody or not.
880
00:47:39,102 --> 00:47:41,637
We're gonna do it
right now! Ready?
881
00:47:41,704 --> 00:47:42,738
Ready!
882
00:47:44,774 --> 00:47:45,842
Well, do it.
883
00:47:45,909 --> 00:47:47,410
I can't!
God!
884
00:47:47,477 --> 00:47:48,879
God damn it!
885
00:47:58,121 --> 00:48:00,023
Okay, it's Tuesday!
886
00:48:00,090 --> 00:48:01,124
So?
887
00:48:01,191 --> 00:48:03,359
So you're meetin'
Sandy for lunch.
888
00:48:03,426 --> 00:48:05,095
Can't you see I'm in mourning?
889
00:48:05,161 --> 00:48:07,330
Right, but you promised
you'd be there.
890
00:48:07,397 --> 00:48:09,165
You gave her your word.
891
00:48:09,232 --> 00:48:10,800
I didn't even talk to her.
892
00:48:10,867 --> 00:48:13,236
Okay, I gave her your word.
893
00:48:13,303 --> 00:48:15,138
For God sakes, Wayne.
894
00:48:15,205 --> 00:48:18,108
When are you gonna give up on
this idea that I'll go out with Sandy?
895
00:48:18,174 --> 00:48:20,276
When you go out with Sandy.
896
00:48:22,012 --> 00:48:23,613
Now come on.
897
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:26,582
Come on.
Come on.
898
00:48:26,649 --> 00:48:30,053
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. Hey!
899
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:33,256
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
900
00:48:33,323 --> 00:48:37,493
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
901
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:39,695
Come on!
All right! Come on.
902
00:48:41,631 --> 00:48:43,666
Darren. Hi.
903
00:48:43,733 --> 00:48:47,470
Sandy, hey! Wow.
You're wearin' the...
904
00:48:47,537 --> 00:48:49,906
I'm training to become a nun.
905
00:48:49,973 --> 00:48:52,943
A nun?
Well, that explains it.
906
00:48:53,009 --> 00:48:55,111
I hope it doesn't freak you out.
907
00:48:55,178 --> 00:48:58,314
No, it doesn't.
Actually, I'm relieved.
908
00:48:58,381 --> 00:49:02,385
I think Wayne was tryin'
to set us up on a date.
909
00:49:02,452 --> 00:49:05,721
Oh, yeah.
He's got some crazy ideas.
910
00:49:05,788 --> 00:49:10,526
Yeah. Now that I know
that you're unavailable,
911
00:49:10,593 --> 00:49:12,195
it makes this easier.
912
00:49:12,262 --> 00:49:13,629
We can just be friends.
913
00:49:13,696 --> 00:49:15,966
Yeah.
Exactly, friends.
914
00:49:16,032 --> 00:49:17,133
Please.
915
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,203
Oh, uh, thank you.
Sure.
916
00:49:21,204 --> 00:49:22,405
So how are your parents?
917
00:49:22,472 --> 00:49:23,940
Oh, great.
918
00:49:24,007 --> 00:49:26,276
They're making a fortune
on the Internet.
919
00:49:26,342 --> 00:49:29,579
They started their own
website, circusfreak.com.
920
00:49:29,645 --> 00:49:31,447
Wow. Good for them.
921
00:49:31,514 --> 00:49:33,749
Oh and how is your brother?
Dogfaced boy.
922
00:49:33,816 --> 00:49:35,485
He got rabies.
923
00:49:35,551 --> 00:49:37,520
God that's too bad.
Yeah.
924
00:49:37,587 --> 00:49:40,547
For a while there, we thought we
were going to have to put him down, but...
925
00:49:40,856 --> 00:49:41,857
He recovered!
926
00:49:42,558 --> 00:49:43,759
Oh, good.
Good.
927
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:46,296
So, how are you?
928
00:49:46,362 --> 00:49:48,898
Me?
I'm... I'm great.
929
00:49:48,965 --> 00:49:52,202
Yeah, everything's been
really good, you know?
930
00:49:52,268 --> 00:49:53,269
Yeah.
931
00:49:55,171 --> 00:49:57,307
Well, my fiancée died.
932
00:49:57,373 --> 00:49:59,642
She died?
Yeah, she's dead.
933
00:49:59,709 --> 00:50:01,811
I am so sorry.
Don't be.
934
00:50:01,877 --> 00:50:04,580
Please don't be sorry.
935
00:50:04,647 --> 00:50:06,249
It's... It's nothing.
936
00:50:07,783 --> 00:50:09,819
So how do you feel about...
937
00:50:12,588 --> 00:50:13,756
Oh.
938
00:50:15,258 --> 00:50:17,994
Oh, no.
Oh, gosh.
939
00:50:18,761 --> 00:50:20,630
Just cry.
Okay.
940
00:50:20,696 --> 00:50:21,797
Let it out.
Uh-huh.
941
00:50:21,864 --> 00:50:24,900
I'm here for you, okay?
I'm here for you.
942
00:50:24,967 --> 00:50:25,968
Thank you.
943
00:50:27,570 --> 00:50:32,742
♪ Hello, my friend, hello ♪
944
00:50:32,808 --> 00:50:36,412
♪ It's good to need you so ♪
945
00:50:36,479 --> 00:50:38,514
Wait a minute.
Wait.
946
00:50:38,581 --> 00:50:40,516
You're a Neil Diamond fan, too?
947
00:50:40,583 --> 00:50:43,219
Oh, the man's a genius.
948
00:50:43,286 --> 00:50:48,924
Yeah, he's... he's the greatest
songwriter/performer of this or any generation.
949
00:50:48,991 --> 00:50:50,160
I know.
950
00:50:50,226 --> 00:50:53,496
♪ It's good to love you ♪
951
00:50:53,563 --> 00:50:55,265
♪ Like I do ♪
952
00:50:55,331 --> 00:50:57,333
♪ And to feel this way ♪
953
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:00,270
♪ When I hear you say ♪
954
00:51:00,336 --> 00:51:02,238
♪ Hello ♪
955
00:51:02,938 --> 00:51:04,407
Oh, God.
Wow.
956
00:51:05,641 --> 00:51:07,477
I could've been free.
957
00:51:07,943 --> 00:51:09,011
Hey.
958
00:51:11,414 --> 00:51:13,216
I brought you some more videos.
959
00:51:13,283 --> 00:51:16,186
You got your choice,
porno or monster trucks.
960
00:51:16,252 --> 00:51:18,388
Oh, and I got one that's both.
Thanks, J.D.
961
00:51:18,454 --> 00:51:21,757
Hey. I really appreciate
you taking care of me.
962
00:51:21,824 --> 00:51:23,159
My pleasure.
963
00:51:23,226 --> 00:51:26,562
Hey, you strike me as
a pretty responsible guy.
964
00:51:26,629 --> 00:51:27,797
Uh, thanks.
965
00:51:27,863 --> 00:51:29,199
Yeah, that's why I'm surprised
966
00:51:29,265 --> 00:51:31,401
that you let Wayne
boss you around.
967
00:51:33,336 --> 00:51:35,538
Wayne's not...
No... He...
968
00:51:35,605 --> 00:51:38,274
No one bosses me around.
Wayne's not the boss of me.
969
00:51:38,341 --> 00:51:42,245
Yeah, I think that you seem
depressed and confused.
970
00:51:42,312 --> 00:51:43,379
You think?
971
00:51:43,446 --> 00:51:45,057
Not to mention, I think
you're suffering from
972
00:51:45,081 --> 00:51:47,049
a self-defeating
personality disorder.
973
00:51:47,117 --> 00:51:48,918
Whoa.
Mmm-hmm.
974
00:51:48,984 --> 00:51:50,520
Have you considered therapy?
975
00:51:52,822 --> 00:51:56,759
I remember in high school,
you were really into helping people.
976
00:51:56,826 --> 00:51:59,595
At parties, you were always
the designated driver.
977
00:51:59,662 --> 00:52:02,698
Right. And I remember you
were a really good dancer.
978
00:52:02,765 --> 00:52:06,702
And strong, too. You used to be
able to lift me up over your head.
979
00:52:06,769 --> 00:52:08,538
Mmm.
Still can.
980
00:52:08,604 --> 00:52:10,706
Oh, really?
Mmm-hmm.
981
00:52:10,773 --> 00:52:12,942
Ready?
And...
982
00:52:13,008 --> 00:52:15,211
Whoa!
Whoa!
983
00:52:17,380 --> 00:52:19,014
Oh, Darren!
Help me!
984
00:52:19,081 --> 00:52:20,616
Are you okay?
985
00:52:20,683 --> 00:52:22,252
I can't...
Just hang on.
986
00:52:23,286 --> 00:52:25,087
Swim.
I can't swim.
987
00:52:42,104 --> 00:52:44,207
Darren!
Darren!
988
00:52:44,274 --> 00:52:45,575
Are you okay?
989
00:52:45,641 --> 00:52:49,245
Thank you.
Thank you for saving me.
990
00:52:49,312 --> 00:52:51,714
No problem.
991
00:53:01,624 --> 00:53:04,894
Let it out now.
There you go.
992
00:53:07,763 --> 00:53:09,799
Come on.
Let's go, okay?
993
00:53:14,103 --> 00:53:16,672
You're a lot stronger than
you were in high school.
994
00:53:16,739 --> 00:53:20,109
Yeah, well,
the convent's got a great gym.
995
00:53:20,176 --> 00:53:21,511
Oh.
Yeah.
996
00:53:23,479 --> 00:53:26,482
And ever since then,
I've been afraid of toilets. Right.
997
00:53:26,549 --> 00:53:28,984
What else can I tell you
about the second grade?
998
00:53:29,051 --> 00:53:30,986
You know what J.D.?
Let's fast-forward.
999
00:53:31,053 --> 00:53:32,955
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
Yes.
1000
00:53:34,257 --> 00:53:36,058
No.
1001
00:53:36,125 --> 00:53:38,428
Have you ever fantasized
about having sex with a man?
1002
00:53:38,494 --> 00:53:40,162
Any man.
Which man?
1003
00:53:40,230 --> 00:53:41,564
You mean like a tall man?
1004
00:53:41,631 --> 00:53:42,965
Sure, whatever.
1005
00:53:43,032 --> 00:53:44,543
'Cause I don't like tall people.
They bother me.
1006
00:53:44,567 --> 00:53:45,611
Okay, how about a short man?
1007
00:53:45,635 --> 00:53:47,203
How short?
1008
00:53:47,270 --> 00:53:50,373
Sometimes people can be too short.
That's weird. Like midgets.
1009
00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,975
Have you ever fantasized
about having sex with any man?
1010
00:53:53,042 --> 00:53:54,510
Any man at all?
1011
00:53:54,577 --> 00:53:56,246
Does that include celebrities?
1012
00:53:59,181 --> 00:54:00,483
Can I ask you something?
1013
00:54:00,550 --> 00:54:01,951
Sure.
1014
00:54:02,017 --> 00:54:04,587
Um, I mean.
Not that it matters now.
1015
00:54:05,955 --> 00:54:09,225
But if had asked you
out back in high school...
1016
00:54:09,292 --> 00:54:10,660
Would you have gone out with me?
1017
00:54:11,927 --> 00:54:12,928
Definitely.
1018
00:54:14,630 --> 00:54:16,266
Not that it matters now...
1019
00:54:16,332 --> 00:54:18,334
You know...
Right. Of course.
1020
00:54:22,738 --> 00:54:23,873
Thanks.
Perfect.
1021
00:54:23,939 --> 00:54:24,940
Sure.
1022
00:54:25,575 --> 00:54:27,009
Oh, could you?
1023
00:54:27,076 --> 00:54:28,110
You know, turn around?
1024
00:54:28,177 --> 00:54:29,479
Right, yeah.
Certainly.
1025
00:54:36,819 --> 00:54:38,454
Oh and uh...
1026
00:54:38,521 --> 00:54:39,889
I have these...
1027
00:54:41,424 --> 00:54:43,526
Oh. Sorry, sorry.
Those are...
1028
00:54:44,527 --> 00:54:45,628
Thanks.
1029
00:54:57,540 --> 00:54:59,342
Um, can you...
1030
00:54:59,409 --> 00:55:00,910
Zip me up?
Yeah of course.
1031
00:55:03,546 --> 00:55:05,581
I had a really great time.
1032
00:55:05,648 --> 00:55:07,182
Yeah, me too.
1033
00:55:07,249 --> 00:55:08,460
You want to have dinner tonight?
1034
00:55:08,484 --> 00:55:09,985
I can't.
1035
00:55:10,052 --> 00:55:12,522
Tomorrow, I have a test
in my catechism class,
1036
00:55:12,588 --> 00:55:14,957
and I have to score
at least an 85
1037
00:55:15,024 --> 00:55:17,760
so I can take my
final vows on Sunday.
1038
00:55:17,827 --> 00:55:19,028
What about tomorrow night?
1039
00:55:19,662 --> 00:55:21,196
Tomorrow night,
1040
00:55:21,263 --> 00:55:24,199
I'm scheduled to take care of
an elderly nun on her deathbed.
1041
00:55:24,266 --> 00:55:25,468
I understand.
1042
00:55:25,535 --> 00:55:27,069
But I'd really like
to see you again.
1043
00:55:29,171 --> 00:55:31,341
I'll get out of it.
1044
00:55:31,407 --> 00:55:34,810
I always knew I was different,
and now I know why!
1045
00:55:34,877 --> 00:55:37,212
I'm gay!
1046
00:55:37,279 --> 00:55:41,551
You're the only person who's
ever truly understood me!
1047
00:55:41,617 --> 00:55:43,786
I know. It's okay.
1048
00:55:43,853 --> 00:55:47,423
Just let it out.
Everything's gonna be okay.
1049
00:55:48,190 --> 00:55:49,959
It's all gonna be okay.
1050
00:55:50,025 --> 00:55:51,827
It's gonna be just...
1051
00:56:05,608 --> 00:56:07,042
Oh!
1052
00:56:07,109 --> 00:56:08,378
Hey!
1053
00:56:18,721 --> 00:56:20,690
Hey!
Stop!
1054
00:56:20,756 --> 00:56:22,725
Wayne?
1055
00:56:24,259 --> 00:56:25,561
Wayne!
1056
00:56:30,065 --> 00:56:31,467
Judith escaped!
1057
00:56:33,202 --> 00:56:34,203
Der!
1058
00:56:38,574 --> 00:56:40,376
Get to the truck.
1059
00:56:50,319 --> 00:56:51,787
Judith?
1060
00:56:56,125 --> 00:56:58,027
Okay, she can't be far.
1061
00:57:00,295 --> 00:57:01,464
I see her!
1062
00:57:01,531 --> 00:57:04,099
Where? Okay, steady!
Steady!
1063
00:57:06,168 --> 00:57:07,637
I missed her.
1064
00:57:11,707 --> 00:57:12,742
Gah!
1065
00:57:12,808 --> 00:57:14,844
Now, let's go, go, go!
1066
00:57:14,910 --> 00:57:17,580
You go this way!
I'll go that way! All right!
1067
00:57:23,553 --> 00:57:24,587
Hey!
1068
00:57:26,388 --> 00:57:28,891
Open up!
I've been kidnapped!
1069
00:57:31,393 --> 00:57:33,195
Hold your goddamn horses.
1070
00:57:33,262 --> 00:57:35,030
Oh, thank God.
Hurry up.
1071
00:57:35,097 --> 00:57:36,165
Oh.
1072
00:57:39,301 --> 00:57:41,437
Tonight Mr. Chang gets lucky.
1073
00:57:43,906 --> 00:57:46,476
Young lady,
so horny, so impatient.
1074
00:57:50,513 --> 00:57:52,515
Oh, scrotum!
1075
00:57:55,217 --> 00:57:58,521
Dude, she's stealing
the truck! Come on!
1076
00:58:01,491 --> 00:58:02,658
Now! Do her!
1077
00:58:02,725 --> 00:58:03,993
I got her!
1078
00:58:04,059 --> 00:58:05,394
I got her!
1079
00:58:15,905 --> 00:58:17,940
Okay, Judith, it's over.
1080
00:58:18,007 --> 00:58:20,385
You might as well turn this thing
around and head back to the house.
1081
00:58:20,409 --> 00:58:21,711
Now, come on...
Hey!
1082
00:58:28,417 --> 00:58:29,885
Ah!
1083
00:58:34,323 --> 00:58:35,825
Oh, thank God.
1084
00:58:58,213 --> 00:59:01,316
Hi, officers.
You're safe.
1085
00:59:01,383 --> 00:59:05,555
I'm Cowboy Wayne.
I just bagged me one of them
1086
00:59:05,621 --> 00:59:09,358
killer goats
that escaped from the zoo.
1087
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:12,562
Good job.
Yeah.
1088
00:59:12,628 --> 00:59:14,864
Okay, then.
I'll see you later.
1089
00:59:28,243 --> 00:59:29,979
There. That should
hold you for tonight.
1090
00:59:31,947 --> 00:59:33,148
Don't!
1091
00:59:36,351 --> 00:59:39,855
Hey, what the hell happened?
1092
00:59:39,922 --> 00:59:43,458
Well, Judith was
givin' me some therapy...
1093
00:59:43,525 --> 00:59:46,261
And helped me realize I was gay,
and the next thing...
1094
00:59:46,328 --> 00:59:48,330
Wait.
What?
1095
00:59:48,397 --> 00:59:50,833
I see what happened.
1096
00:59:50,900 --> 00:59:52,935
She messed with your head.
1097
00:59:53,002 --> 00:59:54,804
Wayne, I'm gay.
1098
00:59:54,870 --> 00:59:58,540
No, you're not. You're just
unsuccessful with women.
1099
00:59:58,608 --> 01:00:00,242
No, I'm gay.
1100
01:00:00,309 --> 01:00:02,812
Judith got me in touch
with the inner J.D.
1101
01:00:02,878 --> 01:00:04,179
How'd she do that?
1102
01:00:04,246 --> 01:00:06,181
She listened,
1103
01:00:06,248 --> 01:00:08,951
unlike other people who've
known me for years
1104
01:00:09,018 --> 01:00:11,053
and have ignored
all the tell-tale signs.
1105
01:00:11,120 --> 01:00:12,421
Like what?
1106
01:00:12,487 --> 01:00:14,256
Like my obsession
with Bette Midler.
1107
01:00:14,323 --> 01:00:16,158
My preference
for track lighting.
1108
01:00:16,225 --> 01:00:18,227
Oh, and the fact
that I like sucking dick.
1109
01:00:19,228 --> 01:00:20,663
What?
1110
01:00:20,730 --> 01:00:22,264
You've done that?
1111
01:00:22,331 --> 01:00:24,099
No... I mean not with another guy.
1112
01:00:24,166 --> 01:00:25,744
No, but remember when
I bought that book on yoga?
1113
01:00:25,768 --> 01:00:26,902
Dude, that...
1114
01:00:26,969 --> 01:00:28,513
That's enough.
I don't want to hear anymore.
1115
01:00:28,537 --> 01:00:32,107
Look, you wanna be gay?
Fine, no problem.
1116
01:00:32,174 --> 01:00:34,443
But from now on,
I'll take care of Judith myself.
1117
01:00:34,509 --> 01:00:35,678
Okay?
Okay.
1118
01:00:40,883 --> 01:00:42,818
You want to be gay with me?
No!
1119
01:00:42,885 --> 01:00:44,219
All right.
1120
01:00:48,423 --> 01:00:50,626
Come on, come on.
Go. Come on.
1121
01:00:50,693 --> 01:00:52,662
All you, all you.
All you, 11.
1122
01:00:52,728 --> 01:00:54,730
Okay. One more.
One more. Come on.
1123
01:00:54,797 --> 01:00:56,732
One more, one more.
Come on.
1124
01:00:56,799 --> 01:00:59,334
Feel the burn.
Come on now.
1125
01:01:00,870 --> 01:01:02,672
11. Oh.
1126
01:01:03,906 --> 01:01:05,775
What's the matter, dear?
1127
01:01:05,841 --> 01:01:09,478
You never used to be so
winded after only five sets.
1128
01:01:09,544 --> 01:01:11,546
Well, Mother Superior,
1129
01:01:13,282 --> 01:01:17,319
I'm having some second
thoughts about becoming a nun.
1130
01:01:18,020 --> 01:01:19,521
Oh, don't get me wrong.
1131
01:01:19,588 --> 01:01:23,092
This is a terrific convent,
but I...
1132
01:01:23,158 --> 01:01:25,695
But?
Well, I...
1133
01:01:26,829 --> 01:01:30,399
I'm having these feelings.
1134
01:01:30,465 --> 01:01:31,967
What kind of feelings?
1135
01:01:34,369 --> 01:01:35,805
Um, I, uh...
1136
01:01:35,871 --> 01:01:38,407
You mean sexual feelings?
1137
01:01:38,473 --> 01:01:41,476
Yeah. Yeah,
but it's so much more than that.
1138
01:01:41,543 --> 01:01:43,645
Yes, well...
1139
01:01:43,713 --> 01:01:45,447
My dear...
1140
01:01:45,514 --> 01:01:49,184
You're the only one who can decide
if this is the life you want to live.
1141
01:01:49,251 --> 01:01:51,821
But, once you take
your final vows,
1142
01:01:54,023 --> 01:01:56,926
there is no going back.
1143
01:01:56,992 --> 01:02:00,295
Now, let's go bust out
some power squats.
1144
01:02:14,576 --> 01:02:17,913
There. That should keep
you from escaping again.
1145
01:02:17,980 --> 01:02:19,514
And this...
1146
01:02:21,516 --> 01:02:23,218
This...
1147
01:02:23,285 --> 01:02:26,121
This should keep you
from biting.
1148
01:02:26,188 --> 01:02:28,924
How am I gonna eat?
I thought of that.
1149
01:02:30,025 --> 01:02:31,927
What is that?
It's breakfast.
1150
01:02:31,994 --> 01:02:35,197
It's pancakes, sausage, uh,
hash brown, Pop-Tart, pureed.
1151
01:02:35,264 --> 01:02:37,432
I'm not eating that shit.
I want a Big Montana. A what?
1152
01:02:37,499 --> 01:02:40,069
A Big Montana from Arby's
with curly fries.
1153
01:02:40,135 --> 01:02:42,104
No. I'm not gonna
get you one.
1154
01:02:42,171 --> 01:02:45,074
If you don't wanna eat what I
made for you, then you can starve.
1155
01:02:45,140 --> 01:02:47,276
Why are you doing this?
1156
01:02:47,342 --> 01:02:49,111
It's the only way
to save our friendship.
1157
01:02:49,178 --> 01:02:50,722
It doesn't seem like
a friendship to me.
1158
01:02:50,746 --> 01:02:52,547
It seems like you're
in love with Darren.
1159
01:02:52,614 --> 01:02:54,784
Bullshit!
1160
01:02:54,850 --> 01:02:57,319
Just get over it. Your buddy
smokes pole, and so do you.
1161
01:02:57,386 --> 01:03:00,122
I am so un-gay.
1162
01:03:00,189 --> 01:03:02,367
Okay, fine. Let's pretend for
a second that you're straight.
1163
01:03:02,391 --> 01:03:04,159
When's the last time
you got any?
1164
01:03:04,226 --> 01:03:06,328
That's none of your business.
1165
01:03:06,395 --> 01:03:08,030
So, it's been years?
1166
01:03:08,097 --> 01:03:09,564
I'm waiting for the right woman.
1167
01:03:09,631 --> 01:03:11,466
There is no right woman
for you, Wayne.
1168
01:03:11,533 --> 01:03:13,644
My guess is, if there ever was,
you've already met her.
1169
01:03:13,668 --> 01:03:16,138
And she's either killed
herself or become a lesbian.
1170
01:03:16,205 --> 01:03:18,240
Oh bite me!
Blow me!
1171
01:03:18,307 --> 01:03:20,175
Skank!
Eunuch!
1172
01:03:20,242 --> 01:03:22,677
Stealer...
Of my friend!
1173
01:03:28,283 --> 01:03:30,853
Hi.
Hey, hi.
1174
01:03:30,920 --> 01:03:32,587
What happened to your head?
1175
01:03:32,654 --> 01:03:35,457
Oh, um, well,
1176
01:03:36,525 --> 01:03:38,193
I saw Judith.
1177
01:03:38,260 --> 01:03:40,162
Judith's dead.
1178
01:03:40,229 --> 01:03:44,166
Yeah, but... I could
have sworn it was her.
1179
01:03:44,233 --> 01:03:46,401
I was, uh...
You poor thing.
1180
01:03:46,468 --> 01:03:49,138
You're still not over her death.
1181
01:03:49,204 --> 01:03:52,141
Maybe we shouldn't
be seeing each other.
1182
01:03:52,207 --> 01:03:54,243
No. No, no.
1183
01:03:54,309 --> 01:03:56,211
No, God, I'm fine.
1184
01:03:56,278 --> 01:03:59,048
And look, I can
deal with this. Okay?
1185
01:03:59,114 --> 01:04:00,549
Okay.
Okay.
1186
01:04:03,085 --> 01:04:05,888
So, what are you having?
Uh, let's see.
1187
01:04:05,955 --> 01:04:07,622
Ah, there's the duck.
1188
01:04:07,689 --> 01:04:09,424
That was always
Judith's favorite.
1189
01:04:09,491 --> 01:04:10,826
I'm sorry.
I should leave.
1190
01:04:10,893 --> 01:04:12,828
No, you shouldn't.
I'm so sorry.
1191
01:04:12,895 --> 01:04:16,731
God, uh, I will never mention
Judith's name again, really.
1192
01:04:16,798 --> 01:04:19,401
I swear.
I swear.
1193
01:04:19,468 --> 01:04:24,106
Hey, uh, would you
excuse me for just a moment?
1194
01:04:24,173 --> 01:04:26,808
Uh, please,
I'll... I'll be right back.
1195
01:04:26,876 --> 01:04:29,111
Okay?
In a... In a moment.
1196
01:04:34,716 --> 01:04:36,718
Oh! Damn it!
1197
01:04:41,390 --> 01:04:44,059
- What do you want?
- Wayne, it's me, Darren.
1198
01:04:44,126 --> 01:04:45,560
Look, there's a problem.
1199
01:04:45,627 --> 01:04:48,931
I'm with Sandy, but I can't
stop talking about Judith.
1200
01:04:48,998 --> 01:04:51,133
Okay.
I'll be right there.
1201
01:05:03,478 --> 01:05:05,614
Okay.
Open up your shirt.
1202
01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:07,316
Why?
Just do it.
1203
01:05:08,183 --> 01:05:10,152
What is this?
1204
01:05:10,219 --> 01:05:12,922
Okay. Now...
1205
01:05:13,889 --> 01:05:15,490
Here's what's gonna happen.
1206
01:05:17,826 --> 01:05:20,629
I'm going to listen
to your conversation.
1207
01:05:21,530 --> 01:05:22,797
Now...
1208
01:05:23,933 --> 01:05:27,469
If you say anything
about Judith,
1209
01:05:27,536 --> 01:05:29,939
or so much as mention her name,
1210
01:05:30,005 --> 01:05:32,774
then, I'm gonna
give you a little shock.
1211
01:05:32,841 --> 01:05:34,977
Ow!
1212
01:05:35,044 --> 01:05:37,746
Perfect.
Ow! Ow.
1213
01:05:37,812 --> 01:05:39,648
I don't think I'm comfortable
1214
01:05:39,714 --> 01:05:41,783
having these things
on my nipples, okay?
1215
01:05:41,850 --> 01:05:43,652
I can put 'em on your balls.
1216
01:05:43,718 --> 01:05:45,387
The nipples are fine.
1217
01:05:45,454 --> 01:05:47,222
Nipples work.
Okay.
1218
01:05:48,390 --> 01:05:50,625
Hi.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
1219
01:05:50,692 --> 01:05:52,594
I'm back.
I am back.
1220
01:05:52,661 --> 01:05:54,964
It was a talkative men's room...
Mmm.
1221
01:05:55,030 --> 01:05:57,499
Attendant.
That's okay.
1222
01:06:11,546 --> 01:06:13,215
Excuse me.
Hey.
1223
01:06:13,282 --> 01:06:15,584
This table's reserved, sir.
Do you know what?
1224
01:06:15,650 --> 01:06:18,553
I come here all the time, and I
spend a lot of money in this place.
1225
01:06:18,620 --> 01:06:20,990
So, why don't you just
leave me the hell alone?
1226
01:06:23,492 --> 01:06:25,727
I don't mean to be pushy, but
1227
01:06:25,794 --> 01:06:28,730
if this relationship
is gonna get serious,
1228
01:06:28,797 --> 01:06:31,066
then I have to give up
becoming a nun.
1229
01:06:31,133 --> 01:06:33,902
And I'd have to decide
soon because...
1230
01:06:33,969 --> 01:06:36,705
I'm taking
my final vows on Sunday.
1231
01:06:36,771 --> 01:06:38,974
Yeah, that thought
had occurred to me.
1232
01:06:39,041 --> 01:06:42,177
And if I do that,
I need to know...
1233
01:06:42,244 --> 01:06:44,879
That you want marriage and a family.
1234
01:06:46,248 --> 01:06:49,051
Absolutely.
1235
01:06:49,118 --> 01:06:52,621
I never thought I'd say this to
anyone after Luigi died, but...
1236
01:06:54,123 --> 01:06:55,790
I love you, Darren.
1237
01:06:57,759 --> 01:06:59,461
Wow. Wow.
1238
01:06:59,528 --> 01:07:01,030
I love you too, Judith.
1239
01:07:01,963 --> 01:07:04,666
Ow! Ow.
Judith!
1240
01:07:04,733 --> 01:07:07,102
I mean, Sandy.
I mean.
1241
01:07:07,169 --> 01:07:09,571
Let's dance.
Okay?
1242
01:07:18,913 --> 01:07:22,751
You're out of here. Hey!
Put me down! I haven't ordered yet.
1243
01:07:25,987 --> 01:07:28,457
Time for an attitude adjustment, mister.
Ooh! Ow!
1244
01:07:30,959 --> 01:07:33,695
Oh!
Hey. Nice move.
1245
01:07:38,967 --> 01:07:39,968
Ooh!
1246
01:07:41,670 --> 01:07:43,105
Damn, he's good.
1247
01:07:44,473 --> 01:07:45,740
Darren!
1248
01:07:50,712 --> 01:07:53,848
Oh, my God.
Oh, geez. Oh, my...
1249
01:07:57,319 --> 01:07:59,754
Oh, my...
Are... Are you okay?
1250
01:07:59,821 --> 01:08:02,724
Yeah.
It was a little weird.
1251
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:13,535
Wait for me!
1252
01:08:13,602 --> 01:08:16,438
Darren. Darren, Darren, Darren.
What's going on?
1253
01:08:16,505 --> 01:08:20,242
Okay, I can explain.
See, it's aversion therapy.
1254
01:08:20,309 --> 01:08:23,212
See, Wayne was trying
to help me get over Judith.
1255
01:08:23,278 --> 01:08:25,046
Judith?
I had these things on my nipples...
1256
01:08:25,114 --> 01:08:28,417
Oh, my God. It's so much
worse than I thought. No.
1257
01:08:28,483 --> 01:08:32,053
No, you're obviously not
ready for this relationship.
1258
01:08:33,222 --> 01:08:35,056
No, I am!
Sandy, wait!
1259
01:08:35,124 --> 01:08:37,226
Sandy... Okay...
1260
01:08:37,892 --> 01:08:39,128
Damn it!
1261
01:08:41,029 --> 01:08:44,233
Sandy! Sandy,
wait... wait, Sandy!
1262
01:08:44,299 --> 01:08:46,468
Sandy!
Wait, Sandy!
1263
01:08:50,372 --> 01:08:51,606
Sandy, wait!
1264
01:08:56,478 --> 01:08:57,712
Sandy.
1265
01:08:59,314 --> 01:09:01,983
Darren! Oh, my God!
1266
01:09:02,050 --> 01:09:04,219
Darren, what happened to you?
1267
01:09:04,286 --> 01:09:06,921
Oh, I ran here from the nightclub.
But that's 30 miles!
1268
01:09:06,988 --> 01:09:08,690
Yeah, I know, I just...
1269
01:09:08,757 --> 01:09:11,593
Wanted to say...
I'm sorry.
1270
01:09:11,660 --> 01:09:13,662
I'm sorry.
Can you ever forgive me?
1271
01:09:13,728 --> 01:09:17,232
Oh, yeah. 'Cause the whole
Judith thing and the nipple clamps...
1272
01:09:17,299 --> 01:09:18,800
It's crazy and...
Yes!
1273
01:09:20,135 --> 01:09:21,736
Really?
Yes.
1274
01:09:21,803 --> 01:09:23,338
Just like that?
1275
01:09:23,405 --> 01:09:26,175
Yeah, well, I am training to
become a nun, you know.
1276
01:09:26,241 --> 01:09:28,477
Forgiveness is just
sort of my thing.
1277
01:09:28,543 --> 01:09:30,111
I love you.
Really?
1278
01:09:30,179 --> 01:09:32,113
I love you!
I love you.
1279
01:09:32,181 --> 01:09:33,782
Love.
Love.
1280
01:09:51,433 --> 01:09:54,303
Happy?
You didn't have to do that.
1281
01:09:54,369 --> 01:09:57,206
Well, I just happened
to be by an Arby's,
1282
01:09:57,272 --> 01:10:00,074
and they were throwin' out
some old food so, you know,
1283
01:10:00,141 --> 01:10:01,610
I thought, why not?
1284
01:10:01,676 --> 01:10:04,045
Either way, that's nice of you.
1285
01:10:08,783 --> 01:10:09,918
Hey,
1286
01:10:11,786 --> 01:10:13,322
I was wondering.
1287
01:10:14,823 --> 01:10:17,492
Why Darren?
What do you mean?
1288
01:10:17,559 --> 01:10:21,296
You just don't seem like the type
that goes for a sensitive guy like Darren.
1289
01:10:21,363 --> 01:10:25,667
You seem more the kind of woman
that needs an assertive type of guy.
1290
01:10:32,241 --> 01:10:33,875
Before I met Darren, I was...
1291
01:10:37,111 --> 01:10:39,448
I was engaged
to a guy like that.
1292
01:10:39,514 --> 01:10:41,550
His idea of a fun weekend
was to fly to Thailand
1293
01:10:41,616 --> 01:10:43,385
and compete
in a kickboxing tournament.
1294
01:10:44,553 --> 01:10:46,255
U.S.A.!
Go, Josh!
1295
01:10:48,690 --> 01:10:49,858
Yeah!
1296
01:10:55,597 --> 01:10:56,665
No!
1297
01:10:58,367 --> 01:11:01,035
No!
1298
01:11:10,044 --> 01:11:12,414
After that I decided
no more tough guys.
1299
01:11:12,481 --> 01:11:14,916
Hmm. Yeah, and then
you found Darren.
1300
01:11:15,384 --> 01:11:16,718
Yeah.
1301
01:11:16,785 --> 01:11:18,487
So do you even love him?
1302
01:11:18,553 --> 01:11:20,398
Well, I think there's
all different types of love.
1303
01:11:20,422 --> 01:11:22,424
Ah, I knew it!
1304
01:11:22,491 --> 01:11:25,560
Look, sometimes you have to
make cold, rational decisions.
1305
01:11:25,627 --> 01:11:28,763
You can't always follow your heart.
Yeah. Whatever.
1306
01:11:28,830 --> 01:11:32,200
Although I will admit there's something
sexy about a man who takes charge.
1307
01:11:33,268 --> 01:11:36,271
Like you kidnapping me.
Mmm-hmm.
1308
01:11:36,338 --> 01:11:37,606
That took balls.
1309
01:11:38,473 --> 01:11:39,908
Big balls.
1310
01:11:41,476 --> 01:11:43,044
I gotta say it turned me on.
1311
01:11:45,079 --> 01:11:47,482
It did?
Mmm-hmm.
1312
01:12:27,856 --> 01:12:29,123
Oh.
Oh.
1313
01:12:30,459 --> 01:12:31,893
Chain.
1314
01:12:32,961 --> 01:12:34,863
Goddamn these chains!
1315
01:12:38,600 --> 01:12:41,336
Give it a little key,
little key...
1316
01:12:41,403 --> 01:12:44,105
Wait! What am I doing?
I can't let you go!
1317
01:12:44,172 --> 01:12:47,108
Just give me one free hand,
and I promise it'll be worth it.
1318
01:12:47,175 --> 01:12:48,910
Okay.
1319
01:12:48,977 --> 01:12:50,745
Okay, give me the fries.
1320
01:12:56,485 --> 01:12:58,453
Okay, okay, okay.
1321
01:13:00,589 --> 01:13:02,624
Wow. Hey...
1322
01:13:03,525 --> 01:13:05,026
Shit.
1323
01:13:07,862 --> 01:13:09,798
Just wait one minute, okay?
1324
01:13:14,068 --> 01:13:15,770
Dude!
Dude, you got a boner?
1325
01:13:16,304 --> 01:13:17,606
No...
1326
01:13:17,672 --> 01:13:19,774
Why didn't you answer the door?
I'm eatin'.
1327
01:13:19,841 --> 01:13:21,576
So? I don't answer
the door when I'm eatin'.
1328
01:13:21,643 --> 01:13:22,877
Since when?
Since always.
1329
01:13:22,944 --> 01:13:24,446
I never knew that.
1330
01:13:24,513 --> 01:13:26,691
You didn't know a lot of things.
You didn't know I was gay.
1331
01:13:26,715 --> 01:13:28,125
Is there anything else
you wanna tell me?
1332
01:13:28,149 --> 01:13:29,818
I got three balls.
1333
01:13:29,884 --> 01:13:32,587
Shut up!
God!
1334
01:13:32,654 --> 01:13:34,856
Dude. Dude. Dude!
1335
01:13:36,391 --> 01:13:39,394
Hi, Coach. Coach!
What are you doin' here?
1336
01:13:39,461 --> 01:13:42,196
Retrial. Got a judge
that's a sports fan.
1337
01:13:42,263 --> 01:13:44,466
Congrats.
What are you gonna do now?
1338
01:13:44,533 --> 01:13:47,702
That's why I'm here. Need a
place to crash. Get my shit together.
1339
01:13:47,769 --> 01:13:50,639
Figure out my next move.
I knew I could count on you boys.
1340
01:13:50,705 --> 01:13:52,850
Of course. Coach, our house is
your house, We gotta talk about it.
1341
01:13:52,874 --> 01:13:54,208
You stay as long as you like.
1342
01:13:54,275 --> 01:13:56,645
Great! Where's the bathroom?
I gotta take a dump.
1343
01:13:56,711 --> 01:13:58,780
We don't use the toilet anymore,
1344
01:13:58,847 --> 01:14:01,450
'cause we're cuttin' down
on the water bill.
1345
01:14:01,516 --> 01:14:02,917
What the hell do you do?
1346
01:14:02,984 --> 01:14:05,987
Well, we just use the lawn now.
1347
01:14:06,054 --> 01:14:09,357
Smart thinkin'.
Oh, God.
1348
01:14:09,424 --> 01:14:11,192
You've been pinchin' loaves
on the lawn, man?
1349
01:14:11,259 --> 01:14:12,694
I play croquet out there!
1350
01:14:12,761 --> 01:14:15,029
What, are you crazy?
The coach can't stay here.
1351
01:14:15,096 --> 01:14:17,198
We've got a woman
locked in the garage.
1352
01:14:17,265 --> 01:14:18,266
Oh, yeah.
1353
01:14:23,037 --> 01:14:24,906
You boys got any T.P.?
1354
01:14:24,973 --> 01:14:26,140
No!
1355
01:14:26,207 --> 01:14:28,176
That's all right.
I'll find something.
1356
01:14:34,516 --> 01:14:36,918
Be cool. We'll find some
way to get rid of him. Okay.
1357
01:14:36,985 --> 01:14:40,321
How about this?
We tell him we've got dates tonight.
1358
01:14:40,388 --> 01:14:42,156
He can't be here
'cause we're gettin' laid.
1359
01:14:42,223 --> 01:14:44,425
Nah, he'll never believe that.
Oh, yeah.
1360
01:14:44,493 --> 01:14:46,461
Okay, we'll tell him
we've got ghosts.
1361
01:14:46,528 --> 01:14:48,730
Oh, boys!
What's for supper?
1362
01:14:48,797 --> 01:14:50,499
Uh, listen, Coach...
We have ghosts.
1363
01:14:50,565 --> 01:14:51,733
What?
1364
01:14:51,800 --> 01:14:53,367
Uh, we were thinkin' that maybe
1365
01:14:53,434 --> 01:14:55,074
you stayin' here is
not such a great idea.
1366
01:14:55,103 --> 01:14:56,605
Yeah.
Nonsense.
1367
01:14:56,671 --> 01:15:00,108
It'll give us a chance to get
to know one another again.
1368
01:15:00,174 --> 01:15:02,511
By the way, did you boys
take care of that bitch
1369
01:15:02,577 --> 01:15:04,278
that was gonna marry Silverman?
1370
01:15:04,345 --> 01:15:09,050
Uh, yeah. Yeah. We snuffed
that bitch just like you said.
1371
01:15:09,117 --> 01:15:10,985
Good.
How'd you do it?
1372
01:15:11,052 --> 01:15:12,821
Uh, we...
Ate her.
1373
01:15:13,688 --> 01:15:15,990
You ate her?
Yeah.
1374
01:15:16,057 --> 01:15:17,859
We ate her.
Alive.
1375
01:15:17,926 --> 01:15:20,562
My hat goes off to you.
You boys are smart.
1376
01:15:20,629 --> 01:15:22,163
That's the perfect crime.
1377
01:15:23,598 --> 01:15:24,999
Wonder what's on the tube.
1378
01:15:25,667 --> 01:15:27,035
No!
Coach!
1379
01:15:28,136 --> 01:15:29,313
What the hell have we got here?
1380
01:15:29,337 --> 01:15:31,239
Some kind of public access
show or something?
1381
01:15:31,305 --> 01:15:32,874
Yeah.
1382
01:15:32,941 --> 01:15:34,943
Wait a minute.
That's your kidnap victim, ain't it?
1383
01:15:35,009 --> 01:15:36,444
You didn't kill her, did you?
1384
01:15:36,978 --> 01:15:37,979
No, Coach.
1385
01:15:38,046 --> 01:15:41,382
I am really disappointed
in you boys.
1386
01:15:41,449 --> 01:15:43,985
Now I want you to go out
there and off that cooze.
1387
01:15:44,052 --> 01:15:45,854
Well, we can't, Coach...
1388
01:15:45,920 --> 01:15:49,157
Oh, for Pete's sake!
Look, she's gettin' out!
1389
01:15:49,223 --> 01:15:51,225
Go chop her head off
or somethin'!
1390
01:15:52,727 --> 01:15:56,097
There's no fight left in you boys.
You're nutless!
1391
01:15:56,164 --> 01:15:57,699
You've been pussified!
1392
01:15:57,766 --> 01:16:00,702
Don't worry about a thing, boys.
I'll take care of that broad.
1393
01:16:00,769 --> 01:16:03,538
No, no.
No! Hey!
1394
01:16:05,173 --> 01:16:07,642
Hey!
1395
01:16:07,709 --> 01:16:09,754
- Who the hell are you?
- Judith, don't worry! I'm comin'!
1396
01:16:09,778 --> 01:16:13,314
Let's just say I'm a friend of the boys,
and I'm here to kill ya.
1397
01:16:13,381 --> 01:16:16,484
You don't mind if I try to
defend myself, do you?
1398
01:16:16,551 --> 01:16:19,420
Of course not.
I love a good challenge.
1399
01:16:40,108 --> 01:16:41,442
Are you okay?
1400
01:16:47,916 --> 01:16:48,950
Dude...
1401
01:16:54,789 --> 01:16:56,490
Watch your step.
1402
01:16:57,626 --> 01:16:58,660
Got it?
1403
01:17:00,762 --> 01:17:02,196
Hmm.
1404
01:17:02,263 --> 01:17:04,966
I'm so happy.
Oh, me, too.
1405
01:17:07,969 --> 01:17:10,204
Does this couch fold out?
Mmm.
1406
01:17:10,872 --> 01:17:11,873
Mmm.
1407
01:17:19,213 --> 01:17:20,749
Oh, Sandy...
1408
01:17:20,815 --> 01:17:23,117
What the hell is going on here?
1409
01:17:23,184 --> 01:17:25,053
Wha... Wha... Judith!
1410
01:17:25,119 --> 01:17:27,355
Yes. Yes!
You're alive!
1411
01:17:27,421 --> 01:17:28,489
Judith?
1412
01:17:28,556 --> 01:17:30,358
Who is this tramp?
1413
01:17:30,424 --> 01:17:32,126
I'm not a tramp!
1414
01:17:32,193 --> 01:17:35,429
Actually, until yesterday
I was training to become a nun.
1415
01:17:35,496 --> 01:17:38,166
I'm gone for a week,
and you're screwing a nun?
1416
01:17:38,232 --> 01:17:40,434
No, no.
We're in love!
1417
01:17:41,535 --> 01:17:43,271
I thought you were dead.
1418
01:17:43,337 --> 01:17:46,340
Really? I'm not dead.
I was kidnapped, okay?
1419
01:17:46,407 --> 01:17:47,676
It was a living hell.
1420
01:17:47,742 --> 01:17:49,310
I was beaten and tortured...
1421
01:17:49,377 --> 01:17:51,579
And treated like
a friggin' farm animal!
1422
01:17:52,346 --> 01:17:53,882
And the entire time,
1423
01:17:53,948 --> 01:17:57,251
the only thing that kept me
alive was the thought
1424
01:17:57,318 --> 01:18:01,155
that somewhere out there,
my sweet Darren still loved me
1425
01:18:01,222 --> 01:18:03,324
and that one day
we'd be together again.
1426
01:18:06,294 --> 01:18:07,628
It was so horrible.
1427
01:18:15,837 --> 01:18:17,405
Where are we going?
1428
01:18:17,471 --> 01:18:19,573
Where? I don't know.
We've gotta find her. Come on!
1429
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:22,510
Let's go! Okay, where to?
Where to?
1430
01:18:22,576 --> 01:18:25,113
Go left!
I'm goin' right!
1431
01:18:25,179 --> 01:18:27,682
They kept me in a dark
closet for days,
1432
01:18:27,749 --> 01:18:29,583
and they fed me, like,
1433
01:18:29,650 --> 01:18:32,020
crushed potato chips
under the door.
1434
01:18:33,722 --> 01:18:36,758
Um, maybe...
1435
01:18:36,825 --> 01:18:38,993
I should go.
1436
01:18:39,060 --> 01:18:43,164
Oh, no. Sandy...
Sandy, no.
1437
01:18:43,231 --> 01:18:45,333
Please, please, uh, don't.
1438
01:18:45,399 --> 01:18:47,401
Don't... Don't... Don't leave.
1439
01:18:47,468 --> 01:18:49,003
Well, but, I mean,
1440
01:18:49,070 --> 01:18:54,175
Judith's alive, and
she is your fiancée.
1441
01:18:54,242 --> 01:18:56,911
Yeah, uh, I know.
You're right. You're right.
1442
01:18:56,978 --> 01:18:59,714
But, um,
but you can't go,
1443
01:18:59,781 --> 01:19:01,750
because I, um...
Because what?
1444
01:19:01,816 --> 01:19:04,018
Because I... I, um...
Why, Darren?
1445
01:19:04,085 --> 01:19:05,887
Yeah?
See, you, uh...
1446
01:19:05,954 --> 01:19:07,889
Yeah? Yeah?
Well, we... Because...
1447
01:19:07,956 --> 01:19:10,759
Sweetheart, we pledged
our love to one another.
1448
01:19:10,825 --> 01:19:12,927
Spare her the pain
of seeing us together.
1449
01:19:14,028 --> 01:19:16,664
You! Run along,
back to the nunnery.
1450
01:19:20,668 --> 01:19:24,272
Sandy, uh, she's right.
1451
01:19:24,338 --> 01:19:27,475
I mean, I did pledge.
1452
01:19:30,011 --> 01:19:31,279
Okay.
1453
01:19:34,582 --> 01:19:35,716
Bye.
1454
01:19:38,619 --> 01:19:40,654
He's here!
Hey, Darren?
1455
01:19:40,721 --> 01:19:41,790
Sandy, hi.
Look, I can...
1456
01:19:41,856 --> 01:19:45,326
Darren! Sorry.
Darren, look, uh...
1457
01:19:45,393 --> 01:19:47,195
I understand that
you're really upset,
1458
01:19:47,261 --> 01:19:49,798
and I probably look like
a really big asshole, but I...
1459
01:19:49,864 --> 01:19:52,200
Dude? Dude!
1460
01:19:52,266 --> 01:19:55,569
Dude.
Okay. I deserved that.
1461
01:19:55,636 --> 01:19:57,438
But now, let me explain...
1462
01:20:02,310 --> 01:20:06,580
Okay, I guess I deserved that one, too,
but now we're even, okay?
1463
01:20:10,785 --> 01:20:13,354
Darren, stop!
1464
01:20:13,421 --> 01:20:15,323
We only did it
because we love you.
1465
01:20:15,389 --> 01:20:17,358
Oh, right.
Because you love me.
1466
01:20:17,425 --> 01:20:20,061
Oh. Yeah, man. Come on.
Give me a hug.
1467
01:20:33,842 --> 01:20:36,144
Freeze! Freeze!
Don't move!
1468
01:20:45,386 --> 01:20:46,620
Darren!
1469
01:20:48,122 --> 01:20:50,791
Don't think that my presence
here means I've forgiven you.
1470
01:20:50,859 --> 01:20:53,962
I... I just wanted to
tell you guys, in person,
1471
01:20:54,028 --> 01:20:56,831
that Judith and I are
getting married tomorrow.
1472
01:20:56,898 --> 01:20:59,733
You don't wanna marry Judith!
Admit it.
1473
01:20:59,800 --> 01:21:02,603
Of course I do.
Okay.
1474
01:21:02,670 --> 01:21:04,738
Then look into
my eyes and say it.
1475
01:21:05,606 --> 01:21:07,341
I wanna marry Judith.
1476
01:21:07,408 --> 01:21:10,879
Look into both our eyes
at the same time and say it.
1477
01:21:12,046 --> 01:21:14,949
I'm out of here.
Darren!
1478
01:21:15,016 --> 01:21:18,186
Come on.
We're sorry, okay?
1479
01:21:18,252 --> 01:21:20,121
What we did was wrong.
1480
01:21:24,158 --> 01:21:25,960
We gotta stop that wedding.
1481
01:21:26,027 --> 01:21:27,428
Dude, how?
1482
01:21:28,897 --> 01:21:32,901
Let's go, you maggots!
Kill! Kill! Kill!
1483
01:21:35,503 --> 01:21:38,506
Hello! Hey, Coach.
Yeah, it's Wayne and J.D.
1484
01:21:38,572 --> 01:21:41,475
Look, we need your help.
I'd do anything for you boys.
1485
01:21:41,542 --> 01:21:43,878
You're like sons to me.
Name it, you got it.
1486
01:21:43,945 --> 01:21:46,080
Well, we need you
to post bail for us.
1487
01:21:46,147 --> 01:21:47,949
It's, uh,
10,000 apiece.
1488
01:21:48,016 --> 01:21:53,054
No way! Come on, Coach.
We need your help.
1489
01:21:53,121 --> 01:21:55,289
Jail life is real tough.
They're...
1490
01:21:56,124 --> 01:21:57,892
Sodomizing us in here.
1491
01:21:57,959 --> 01:22:00,028
What?
They're cornholing you?
1492
01:22:00,094 --> 01:22:02,396
Yeah. Oh, my God,
that's horrible.
1493
01:22:02,463 --> 01:22:04,532
Don't worry about it.
I'll get you out of there.
1494
01:22:05,833 --> 01:22:07,068
You got sodomized?
1495
01:22:07,135 --> 01:22:08,602
Who?
I want to meet him.
1496
01:22:11,305 --> 01:22:13,307
What is that?
1497
01:22:13,374 --> 01:22:15,476
Sounds kinda like my truck.
1498
01:22:16,144 --> 01:22:17,378
Yeah.
1499
01:22:22,350 --> 01:22:24,953
Come on, boys.
Let's go!
1500
01:22:25,019 --> 01:22:27,821
Get the lead out, boys!
Hut, hut, hut!
1501
01:22:27,888 --> 01:22:30,224
Come on. Move it!
Ha, ha!
1502
01:22:30,291 --> 01:22:33,161
You're free!
Now, where to, boys?
1503
01:22:34,295 --> 01:22:35,496
Go left!
1504
01:22:35,563 --> 01:22:38,232
Yee-ha! Charge!
1505
01:22:41,335 --> 01:22:45,006
Sandy Perkus,
do you vow to lead a life
1506
01:22:45,073 --> 01:22:49,610
of poverty, chastity,
obedience and silence?
1507
01:22:49,677 --> 01:22:52,680
Wait!
Wait!
1508
01:22:52,746 --> 01:22:55,649
Uh, sorry.
Sandy... Sandy...
1509
01:22:55,716 --> 01:22:58,019
Sandy, look you can't do this.
1510
01:22:58,086 --> 01:23:00,521
You love Darren, right?
Well, yeah.
1511
01:23:00,588 --> 01:23:03,157
Well, Darren loves you.
Really?
1512
01:23:03,224 --> 01:23:05,926
Darren's her boyfriend, but
he's got this other girlfriend,
1513
01:23:05,994 --> 01:23:07,395
and he's gettin' ma...
1514
01:23:07,461 --> 01:23:09,097
Look, so what are you gonna do?
1515
01:23:10,999 --> 01:23:13,434
Go, my child.
1516
01:23:13,501 --> 01:23:16,604
Okay. Come on!
We've got a wedding to crash!
1517
01:23:16,670 --> 01:23:20,241
- Go, go, go, go!
- Bye, everybody!
1518
01:23:21,175 --> 01:23:22,643
Damn!
1519
01:23:22,710 --> 01:23:23,811
Lost another one.
1520
01:23:23,877 --> 01:23:25,246
Son of a bitch.
1521
01:23:40,428 --> 01:23:42,563
Oh, I can't believe
I'm doing this.
1522
01:23:42,630 --> 01:23:45,133
Oh, here.
We got you some clothes.
1523
01:23:45,199 --> 01:23:48,836
Uh, where did you get these?
1524
01:23:48,902 --> 01:23:51,239
Uh, J.D.'s sister.
She's a stripper.
1525
01:23:51,305 --> 01:23:53,274
And a hooker.
Oh.
1526
01:24:10,324 --> 01:24:11,792
Let's go. Go.
1527
01:24:16,697 --> 01:24:19,533
Oh, my gosh.
Neil Diamond!
1528
01:24:19,600 --> 01:24:21,269
What the hell is going on?
1529
01:24:21,335 --> 01:24:22,836
Neil, let me explain.
1530
01:24:22,903 --> 01:24:25,239
You're the guys who've been
sending me all those letters...
1531
01:24:25,306 --> 01:24:27,175
And tapes...
And naked pictures.
1532
01:24:27,241 --> 01:24:30,978
What? We never sent you
any naked pictures.
1533
01:24:31,045 --> 01:24:32,546
Dude.
Sorry.
1534
01:24:32,613 --> 01:24:35,816
Look, Mr. Diamond, you gotta
help us save our buddy, Darren.
1535
01:24:35,883 --> 01:24:37,318
He's gonna marry
the wrong woman.
1536
01:24:37,385 --> 01:24:39,720
Look, Sandy and Darren,
they broke up.
1537
01:24:39,787 --> 01:24:42,022
Love on the rocks.
Ain't no big surprise.
1538
01:24:42,090 --> 01:24:44,024
But you gotta help us
get them back together.
1539
01:24:44,092 --> 01:24:45,393
I don't know.
1540
01:24:45,459 --> 01:24:47,795
Come on Neil, turn on
your heart light.
1541
01:24:47,861 --> 01:24:51,299
Judith brainwashed him. Darren was
in love with me, but I never knew it.
1542
01:24:51,365 --> 01:24:54,135
Hold it, hold it, hold it!
1543
01:24:54,202 --> 01:24:56,737
Hold on!
And did I mention I was gay?
1544
01:24:56,804 --> 01:25:00,241
I've spent my whole life writing
songs about the healing power of love.
1545
01:25:00,308 --> 01:25:03,377
But, up until right now,
they've only been words.
1546
01:25:03,444 --> 01:25:07,381
This may be my chance to prove
that those words really mean something.
1547
01:25:07,448 --> 01:25:09,683
Now, you say that
if Darren marries...
1548
01:25:09,750 --> 01:25:12,220
Judith.
Judith he's gonna be miserable.
1549
01:25:12,286 --> 01:25:15,123
Right.
I believe in happy endings.
1550
01:25:15,189 --> 01:25:17,525
And if Neil Diamond has
anything to do with it,
1551
01:25:17,591 --> 01:25:19,793
this love story's gonna have one.
1552
01:25:19,860 --> 01:25:22,230
Come on! Yeah! Ha!
1553
01:25:22,296 --> 01:25:24,532
We got Neil Diamond on board!
All right!
1554
01:25:24,598 --> 01:25:26,167
Where are we goin'?
1555
01:25:26,234 --> 01:25:28,702
The park on America Avenue.
1556
01:25:28,769 --> 01:25:31,038
Five-oh!
What?
1557
01:25:31,105 --> 01:25:33,274
Cops! Caprice.
Five cars back.
1558
01:25:33,341 --> 01:25:38,412
Goddamn heat. One little prison
break and they're all over you.
1559
01:25:38,479 --> 01:25:42,816
Whoa, Coach. Whoa. No matter
what happens to me, don't look back.
1560
01:25:42,883 --> 01:25:46,019
Just get this sweet little gal to
the man who loves her. Pronto!
1561
01:25:46,086 --> 01:25:48,289
I'd rather be cut down
in a hail of gunfire
1562
01:25:48,356 --> 01:25:50,524
than to go back
to the big house.
1563
01:25:50,591 --> 01:25:52,426
Nice meetin' you, Mr. Diamond.
1564
01:25:53,661 --> 01:25:54,862
Hey! Wha...
1565
01:25:57,198 --> 01:25:58,999
♪ Far ♪
1566
01:25:59,066 --> 01:26:01,101
♪ We've been traveling far ♪
1567
01:26:01,169 --> 01:26:02,403
Coach, look out!
1568
01:26:04,638 --> 01:26:06,974
They're not cops!
1569
01:26:07,040 --> 01:26:09,910
♪ But not without a star ♪
1570
01:26:09,977 --> 01:26:11,912
♪ Today ♪
1571
01:26:11,979 --> 01:26:13,681
Hey, we're comin' to America.
1572
01:26:13,747 --> 01:26:15,183
♪ Today ♪
1573
01:26:15,249 --> 01:26:18,186
♪ They're coming to America today ♪
1574
01:26:19,720 --> 01:26:21,989
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...
1575
01:26:22,055 --> 01:26:23,824
To join Darren Silverman
1576
01:26:23,891 --> 01:26:27,795
and Judith Fessbeggler
in holy matrimony.
1577
01:26:27,861 --> 01:26:30,831
If anyone has any objections, speak now.
1578
01:26:30,898 --> 01:26:32,400
- I do!
- What?
1579
01:26:33,100 --> 01:26:34,535
Neil?
1580
01:26:34,602 --> 01:26:39,773
♪ Hello, my friends, hello ♪
1581
01:26:39,840 --> 01:26:43,177
Neil! Neil. Get to the
part where we say, "I do."
1582
01:26:43,244 --> 01:26:46,947
♪ It's good to need you so ♪
1583
01:26:48,316 --> 01:26:52,453
♪ It's good to love you ♪
1584
01:26:53,587 --> 01:26:55,055
♪ Like I do ♪
1585
01:26:56,023 --> 01:26:57,991
♪ And to feel this way ♪
1586
01:26:59,693 --> 01:27:01,829
♪ When I hear you say ♪
1587
01:27:03,297 --> 01:27:04,732
♪ Hello ♪
1588
01:27:04,798 --> 01:27:08,669
♪ Hello, my friends, hello ♪
1589
01:27:08,736 --> 01:27:10,804
Say, "I do."
No.
1590
01:27:10,871 --> 01:27:12,606
Say, "I do."
1591
01:27:12,673 --> 01:27:15,075
I can't because I...
1592
01:27:15,142 --> 01:27:17,911
♪ I think about you ♪
1593
01:27:17,978 --> 01:27:20,013
I love Neil and
1594
01:27:20,080 --> 01:27:21,615
I love Sandy.
1595
01:27:23,717 --> 01:27:25,253
You're in love with this slut?
1596
01:27:25,319 --> 01:27:28,021
I am not a slut.
1597
01:27:28,088 --> 01:27:30,491
Sandy is my
one-and-only someone.
1598
01:27:31,091 --> 01:27:32,360
♪ Hello ♪
1599
01:27:40,234 --> 01:27:41,269
Oh!
1600
01:27:44,037 --> 01:27:45,406
What about me?
1601
01:27:46,173 --> 01:27:48,175
Who's my someone?
1602
01:27:48,242 --> 01:27:52,613
♪ Hello again, hello ♪
1603
01:27:55,349 --> 01:27:59,687
♪ It's good to need you so ♪
1604
01:28:01,822 --> 01:28:03,891
♪ I think ♪
1605
01:28:06,327 --> 01:28:09,029
You ruined my life!
1606
01:28:09,096 --> 01:28:11,098
But I saved Darren's!
1607
01:28:11,164 --> 01:28:14,735
Just because I lost Darren
doesn't mean I'm crazy enough
1608
01:28:14,802 --> 01:28:16,304
to hook up with you!
1609
01:28:21,141 --> 01:28:23,344
Hey!
Why can't you just admit
1610
01:28:23,411 --> 01:28:25,479
that when you
kissed me you liked it?
1611
01:28:25,546 --> 01:28:28,416
You're right. I have a weakness
for incompetent morons.
1612
01:28:37,425 --> 01:28:39,159
Admit it!
1613
01:28:40,528 --> 01:28:43,931
I'm the strong-willed,
assertive man that you need,
1614
01:28:43,997 --> 01:28:47,301
and you're the hardcore bitch
that I've always dreamed of.
1615
01:28:52,640 --> 01:28:54,942
♪ And I know it's late ♪
1616
01:28:56,109 --> 01:28:58,512
♪ But I just couldn't wait ♪
1617
01:28:59,747 --> 01:29:01,081
♪ Hello ♪
1618
01:29:08,288 --> 01:29:10,023
What about you?
1619
01:29:10,090 --> 01:29:11,359
When are you gonna get hitched?
1620
01:29:11,425 --> 01:29:13,461
Actually, I'm not.
I'm gay.
1621
01:29:14,728 --> 01:29:16,196
Me, too.
1622
01:29:16,263 --> 01:29:18,231
Really?
1623
01:29:18,298 --> 01:29:21,101
By the power vested in me
by the state of Washington,
1624
01:29:21,168 --> 01:29:24,104
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1625
01:29:24,171 --> 01:29:26,073
You may kiss the bride.
1626
01:29:28,609 --> 01:29:31,545
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
1627
01:29:31,612 --> 01:29:33,213
You may kiss the bride.
1628
01:29:36,149 --> 01:29:39,820
I now pronounce you man and man.
1629
01:29:39,887 --> 01:29:41,422
You may kiss the man.
1630
01:29:53,200 --> 01:29:54,435
♪ Sing ♪
1631
01:29:58,038 --> 01:29:59,272
♪ Sing ♪
1632
01:30:03,043 --> 01:30:04,412
♪ Sing ♪
1633
01:30:04,478 --> 01:30:06,079
Come on.
We need you for this one!
1634
01:30:07,615 --> 01:30:08,716
♪ Sing ♪
1635
01:30:08,782 --> 01:30:10,117
♪ Sing a song ♪
1636
01:30:12,686 --> 01:30:15,022
♪ Sing ♪♪ Sing a song of songs ♪
1637
01:30:15,088 --> 01:30:17,324
♪ Sing ♪
1638
01:30:17,391 --> 01:30:19,460
♪ Sing ♪♪ Sing it out ♪
1639
01:30:21,361 --> 01:30:22,930
♪ Sing it strong ♪♪ Sing it ♪
1640
01:30:22,996 --> 01:30:24,598
Yeah.
♪ Sing it ♪
1641
01:30:24,665 --> 01:30:26,967
Yeah.
Yeah!
♪ Sing it, sing it ♪
1642
01:30:27,034 --> 01:30:28,368
♪ Yeah ♪
1643
01:30:32,039 --> 01:30:33,441
♪ Yeah ♪
1644
01:30:37,310 --> 01:30:40,448
♪ Call the sun
in the dead of night ♪
1645
01:30:40,514 --> 01:30:43,751
♪ And the sun's
gonna rise in the sky ♪
1646
01:30:43,817 --> 01:30:46,687
♪ Sun's gonna rise ♪
1647
01:30:46,754 --> 01:30:49,857
♪ Touch a man
who can't walk upright ♪
1648
01:30:49,923 --> 01:30:53,260
♪ And that lame man,
he's gonna fly ♪
1649
01:30:53,326 --> 01:30:56,797
♪ He's gonna fly ♪♪ And I fly ♪
1650
01:30:56,864 --> 01:30:59,366
♪ Fly ♪♪ Yeah ♪
1651
01:30:59,433 --> 01:31:01,268
♪ Yeah, and I fly ♪
1652
01:31:05,405 --> 01:31:08,542
♪ Holly holy love ♪
1653
01:31:14,682 --> 01:31:18,251
♪ Dream of only you ♪
1654
01:31:24,157 --> 01:31:27,360
♪ Holly holy, Holly ♪
1655
01:31:27,427 --> 01:31:29,497
♪ Holy song ♪
1656
01:31:33,366 --> 01:31:36,570
♪ Holly holy, Holly ♪
1657
01:31:37,304 --> 01:31:41,709
♪ Holy rain ♪
1658
01:31:49,116 --> 01:31:50,684
Yeah.
1659
01:31:53,687 --> 01:31:54,688
Yeah.
1660
01:32:05,633 --> 01:32:08,869
♪ I believe in happy endings ♪
1661
01:32:11,705 --> 01:32:15,976
♪ Starry skies
and dreams come true ♪
1662
01:32:17,978 --> 01:32:22,516
♪ I've believed it
since I first met you ♪
1663
01:32:30,323 --> 01:32:34,361
♪ I believe in new beginnings ♪
1664
01:32:36,263 --> 01:32:40,467
♪ Extra innings,
brand new starts ♪
1665
01:32:42,069 --> 01:32:46,506
♪ Loving hearts that care
the way I do ♪
1666
01:32:52,980 --> 01:32:57,551
♪ All these things
and happy endings, too ♪
1667
01:33:04,558 --> 01:33:09,396
♪ Sad songs bring me
right down with the blues ♪
1668
01:33:16,269 --> 01:33:20,708
♪ Glad songs take me
wherever I choose ♪
1669
01:33:23,043 --> 01:33:25,846
♪ And I choose to be there ♪
1670
01:33:25,913 --> 01:33:29,717
♪ So that I can declare why ♪
1671
01:33:31,418 --> 01:33:35,388
♪ I believe in happy endings ♪
1672
01:33:37,057 --> 01:33:41,995
♪ You're the reason,
love's the way ♪
1673
01:33:42,062 --> 01:33:46,533
♪ And I'll believe it
till my dying day ♪
1674
01:33:54,107 --> 01:33:58,245
♪ I know the cost
of tears and trouble ♪
1675
01:33:59,847 --> 01:34:04,852
♪ Some get lost,
some make it through ♪
1676
01:34:04,918 --> 01:34:09,289
♪ Me, I made it
'cause I always knew ♪
1677
01:34:15,796 --> 01:34:20,367
♪ That you believed in
happy endings, too ♪
1678
01:34:55,302 --> 01:35:00,140
♪ Sad songs bring me
right down with the blues ♪
1679
01:35:06,513 --> 01:35:10,984
♪ Glad songs take me
wherever I choose ♪
1680
01:35:13,153 --> 01:35:15,856
♪ And I choose to be there ♪
1681
01:35:15,923 --> 01:35:19,960
♪ So that I can declare that ♪
1682
01:35:21,494 --> 01:35:26,499
♪ I know the cost
of tears and troubles ♪
1683
01:35:26,566 --> 01:35:31,371
♪ I got lost
but I got through ♪
1684
01:35:31,438 --> 01:35:35,776
♪ And I made it
'cause I always knew ♪
1685
01:35:42,349 --> 01:35:46,920
♪ That you believed in
happy endings, too ♪
1686
01:35:53,794 --> 01:35:56,096
♪ You and me ♪
1687
01:35:56,163 --> 01:35:59,733
♪ And happy endings ♪
1688
01:36:02,402 --> 01:36:05,372
♪ Too ♪
119184
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