Original subtitles

It's a very nice process when people choose their names.

Or when their friends think and give them some name.

I chose this name for myself in my childhood.

I admire Gautam Buddha a lot.

If I am unable to find a solution for something,

I read about him. And I find the solution.

So basically, this name was given to me by a partner.

She is also an SRK fan.

Shah Rukh Khan's son. Of course.

There is no other reason why I have called myself as Aryan.

At LGBTQ parties,

whenever I would dress up as Madhuri and dance to her songs…

people would appreciate it.

"'You dance like Madhuri.

You are our Madhuri."

So people started knowing me as Madhuri.

My name is Patruni Chidananda Sastry.

I am a drag artist and a pansexual person,

married to a heterosexual woman.

I always didn't like the word bro, pal.

You know, the binaries which are very evident in the language.

I am not a bro.

I don't want them to call me Sastryji or Sastry Garu.

I always prefer people calling me by my name.

My love is more for Khusrau. Amir Khusrau.

So I thought I would call myself Amir.

And then, Khusrau. And it didn't work.

Then I said Rumi. That's it.

When I first came to Maee, I thought I would work

with my community and teach them about the LGBTQ community.

When I saw that there was no education in the community,

I asked myself a question.

Teena, they don't know that L is for lion.

When you will teach them L is for lesbian will they understand?

During that time Maee was working extensively on education.

Tauqeer has been working for the Van Gujjar community's education since 2018.

He has been leading Maee and all of us.

Talking about the community Teena is the only trans person in the community.

That was the biggest challenge in itself.

Gradually, she started visiting the library.

She started having dialogues with the youth.

Wrote some skits in our own language. On different issues.

On gender equality. Talking about Woman health. Menstrual health. Hygiene.

She's been doing this work till now.

Whenever she sits with women, they never feel awkward.

She works pretty well with men as well.

In the last one and a half years, I've never seen anyone reject her.

Eventually, she began tutoring children.

Children really like her.

People shouldn't be biased about a person.

We have made genders.

Male, female, and third gender.

It shouldn't be like that. A human is a human.

This should end gradually.

This is orange.

Honestly speaking, they are beyond all these things.

Gender, society, or other things.

All they need is love and support.

They support it and they love it.

So seeing how things have been going, I think kids are more accepting towards me.

I don't have money. But people give me respect.

That she is a teacher. She teaches children.

When I saw these things, I felt very happy.

Fine.

Maee has given me so much.

The law was passed in 2014.

Now it's 2022.

I think it's 50% on paper…

50% things are changing.

But not completely.

If we talk about human beings, we shouldn't talk about gender.

Gender becomes meaningless.

When Babasaheb Ambedkar wrote the law,

he wrote it for people.

Not for any particular gender.

It should be equal for everybody.

I still have not received my marriage certificate.

They told me,

"Madam, rectify your gender as female, in all your documents."

"You will get the marriage certificate."

But I said, "No. All my documents state that I am transgender."

On the Aadhar Card and voter's card, it's written "transgender".

So why can't I get the marriage certificate as a transgender?

I have still not got the right to adopt.

Why doesn't the law state that?

I am also a human being.

I also want to be a mother.

Why don't I have that right legally?

It states…

that trans women will get all the rights of a woman.

I should also have the right to marry.

A woman has the right to become a mother.

The TG bill doesn't state that.

Like I said, 50% of it's happening.

But the remaining 50% is only on paper.

I was thinking very far away from the reality.

What if my child is out, if he is going to school,

I am performing drag somewhere,

more visible as a trans-person.

In some or other kind of space.

And this child goes.

And there are some other people who would be bullying him.

Showing his father.

What would be the situation of that particular child?

I was very scared of that as well.

A friend of mine who was there with me at that point of time,

I had shared this idea with her.

She is like, okay, it's your responsibility.

You can't change the society.

But you can at least change the child's idea

of how to tackle the hate. That is one way you can do it.

Or you can invest in the spaces and

prepare the spaces in a far more better way.

And once, you know, somebody starts…

there is always a chain of people who will kind of come and contribute.

It gave me a lot of strength.

That okay. I would let a child come out.

One thing I realize is it would not be easy for me or for Raji.

Or for the child.

With the spaces which we are in.

You know, we don't have books about how to raise a child

genderless or gender friendly.

But I will ensure that my love would be kind of transcended to the person.

And I will ensure that they do not have an unsafe place around them.

Unless and until you touch the fire

you will not know how fire feels.

So I think I need to do that.

And the fire is on the way.

Once that comes out, it will give us more ideas and light.

To lead the life in a far better way.

I work at a very large industrial manufacturing company.

As a transformation for human resources lead.

That means digital transformation, a lot of technology that comes into

what makes a workplace today.

Everyone wants a respectful workplace.

They want…

For making any institution inclusive,

it is important that you know, we have that space safe for trans people.

Which is where, with that idea, we decided

that we are going to transform all our workplaces.

It started with the LGBTQ employee resource group.

When this was launched, the term we used that, this is something

we should have done decades ago.

The fact that in many of these cases

it is me being present.

Me talking about this topic amongst

everyone who is not a believer.

I think that in itself has been extremely

transformative for many people.

What I see has changed in the next few years

in these organizations,

that we have reached out to my own organization,

is that the whole point of questioning has reduced a lot.

What I am really glad about is that

for a 100-year-old company,

we have been able to transform the culture.

It's one of the biggest transformations

that I have seen myself in the company.

The pandemic was hard.

Because I couldn't go out.

And dress up.

Or be myself or express myself.

But I did work in the pandemic with trans people.

Especially feeding trans people.

Because they were out of work.

So I felt nice.

Last year when I joined a transgender health clinic in Pune.

The second-of-its-kind clinic,

holistic clinic in India.

I joined there and I had to work as a counselor.

I loved my job.

I interacted with so many transgender and hijra folks.

I understood their life journeys.

How things work for them.

How has their life story been?

So a lot of my time went into that.

And a lot of community work.

In my other free time…

Sensitizing colleges, schools, and corporates.

I felt so empowered being around these trans folks.

I always think about courage. I am like, where do I draw it from?

So I draw it from the trans elders.

The trans people who came before me.

That worked hard for me to have this space.

For me to have this conversation right now.

I couldn't dream of studying.

And I don't have the money or funds. But with two friends…

they helped me dream of studying abroad.

I am going to study for an M.A. in human rights.

I am very excited. I received the scholarship from

Samaj Kalyan Social Welfare Department.

I would be officially the first trans person.

And then more trans friends can also apply.

And get Ivy League education or higher education anywhere they want.

And this will be replicated in different states all across India.

I think I will be in London

when you all are watching this.

We are designing a curriculum.

There are Van Gujjars' stories and folklore.

I am doing illustrations for that to depict things.

I have made some 200 illustrations.

I want to illustrate many things beautifully.

Whenever I draw,

I keep my mind completely blank.

Recently I sat down to draw illustrations.

Wonder what came over me.

I drew a big face.

I drew short hair like mine. I drew a nose ring.

Eyebrows. Nose. Ears.

A veil covering half the face. And I wrote "My Hidden Beauty".

Some people come and ask me whether I am a male or a female.

When it bothers me,

I develop a feeling of hatred for myself.

Why don't you have those things?

People are unable to identify you.

You are saying you are trans.

But when people don't understand trans,

what are you doing for them so that they can understand you?

This question keeps bothering me.

Why?

Transition is important for me

because my mind is inclined towards that.

And…

somewhere, I want to give clarity to myself.

I want to give a side to myself.

As far as living openly or wearing clothes is concerned,

I wish I was living in a city like Delhi.

Doing a small-time job.

Maybe people wouldn't have noticed it so much there.

And I could have dressed up.

This current relationship I think is

the most peaceful relationship I have.

Most compassionate.

My personal growth has happened in this relationship.

The dynamic is so multicultural, and multidimensional.

So much more colorful.

Both of us have come from different wounds…

from families, from friends.

But…

we have just been able to deal with it.

In some or another way.

My dad would call her

when she comes to my place.

Should I get this sweet for you? But he never called me.

So you need to know.

My family loves her more than they loved me.

You know.

So, yeah. They are all about her.

My mom goes out. My sister goes out.

The things that they get for them, they get for her as well.

So around three years of relationship.

Almost… we finished three years in 2023.

I went to this place where my partner was there.

And they didn't know about me.

Visiting the place where they had gone for some work.

ARYAN'S LOVE STORY

I went to the place where they were staying.

I just told them that,

you know, I have sent a gift for you.

The chain and the locket are at the reception.

The ring I wanted to give myself.

They went to the reception and they collected it.

And then they were calling. They were video calling.

I was just standing behind them.

And then, it was…

They were extremely happy.

When we were returning after having dinner,

she asked me.

"Does this ring signify something?

Or you just gave it like that."

I am like, "It does." You know. You know.

And then, she is like,

"Are you officially asking me out?"

And I am like,

"Why do you want to know all that?"

She is like, "You have to ask." I am like, "Fine. Tell me."

You know, I was so bad at it.

So bad. I feel so ashamed.

I am like, "Tell. What it is?"

And she is like, "Oh, my God.

Aryan, you are not even asking me out correctly."

I am like, "Yeah." Just deal with it.

You know. Then she said, "Of course, it's a yes."

Is that even a question, you know?

So yeah. Things happened. It was funny.

Yeah. It was very good after that.

Before finishing my course, I got a job in Surat.

Then many other cities… I worked all over India.

Everywhere, I was trying to

search for an atmosphere where I could survive.

Everyone was good,

but till this time I am not a trans person or a queer person.

As soon as they get to know,

the atmosphere is not good.

I changed 13 hospitals in one year…

in 2013.

To reach my destination in…

Faridabad.

The last hospital where I worked for 10 years.

Then I suddenly came out to them that I wanted to do my transitioning, etc.

They were very happy. Accepting. Okay. Congratulated me.

And… do whatever you want. We are there for you.

The main head at that time was supportive.

Recently, he got replaced.

A new HR came.

"I am giving you two months' time, and you can move anywhere.

We don't have any problem.

But we can't keep you here."

I felt very bad because,

you had given your 10 years to someone,

and then they asked you to move.

I have experience. Who will not give me a job?

Everyone will give me a job.

I got a job… I got many offers.

Not just one.

The house that I used to live in is the last before the forest begins.

One of my first explorations was in the jungle.

And in the jungle, I can actually feel like myself.

I could be anything that I wanted.

I could play any role and create any sort of character that I wanted.

Sometimes they were authoritative characters.

Characters who had confidence in them, who could control the world,

who could make large-scale changes.

And thankfully because magic is not a no-go there,

I was able to create magical characters.

The natural way I could bring it about

was by writing stories and writing them down.

All the stories that I wrote,

usually start with a character

fallen in midst of a world that they don't understand.

And the whole journey of the characters there…

was trying to piece out, trying to piece out

all this understanding of the world.

I had created some rudimentary kind of a script

I'd had a few discussions with a couple of producers.

It was really liked.

It has been quite interesting.

You know, this world of filmmaking.

This world of, you know, creating images which last forever.

Which makes such a large impact.

So for me, that is the transformation

that I came here, to this city for.

So what you need to do is…

if you have access to the internet, ask them to write a request letter…

I think in 2003 and 2004 it was this boy whom I met

in one festival that we had organized.

He came like one young "kutty" boy.

And slowly he becomes a friend.

Actually, Sunil and I, our relationship

started on a very strong base of friendship.

We separated in all possible ways.

But in work and politics, we never separated.

We have done crisis intervention work

for like 19 years together.

It was our personal numbers that were getting

circulated in the community.

Especially the female-assigned community.

I haven't changed my personal number for the last 25 years.

Because it runs as a hotline.

Only now, in the last two years, it is not doing that.

We also decided to do the transition together.

I always had this inside, but could never express it outside.

And then, when I did express, it was again Sunil

who was my partner,

who helped me through the transition

and stood by me as my friend.

Starting from the haircut to dress to all the kinds of breast binding.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

It was all taught by him.

We did not even have the faintest idea that

someday we would be like this.

Then he went through a stroke. And then,

his partner left him.

And he was lonely.

And I was thrown out of the house at that time.

And I requested him for space.

And then, we started living together.

That's when we first time thought that we should have homes like…

where people don't feel that when you are

thrown out of the house in the middle of the night

they know that there is a place to go.

It shouldn't happen like how it happened to me or to him.

That's when in a rented house,

we opened up the house to everybody.

It could be sex workers.

It could be trans women. It could be trans men.

It could be whosoever for that matter.

And after my mother's death,

we bought this current flat where we are living.

And then we said we will keep it open.

As of now, it's Sunil's mother,

Sunil, my father, and me.

And another trans man.

With three cats.

"Guftagu" is a small therapeutic space.

It's a clinic.

That we run in Vashi. Me and my business partner.

We provide therapy. We provide training.

We provide workshops. We provide seminars.

We provide support groups.

And I am a clinical psychologist.

Clinical psychologists are those who

work on mental health-related issues.

When I started my work, I was working with everybody.

But currently, I am working with only queer and trans people.

I want to now start "Sunday Chill" days.

Everybody can come.

Whoever wants to come can come. There is no membership.

Space where not only hardships are discussed.

But also hopes are discussed.

I would say, that lack… the gap…

that gap…

is of vulnerability

I think in our country that is missing in relations.

Emotions. Emotion is vulnerability.

Unless you are vulnerable

unless you say you need them…

that is our biggest difficulty as human beings.

Not only in India. Anywhere.

We don't want to be vulnerable.

We see that as a weakness. Why?

Vulnerability helps in forming bonds.

How will bonds be formed without vulnerability? That will be exchanged.

I want to give a space for community as emotion.

Not as what is correct, or incorrect.

That I am not interested in.

I am interested in how we can come together as interdependent people.

Interdependent will need vulnerability.

I want to go back to vulnerability.

And I cannot stop talking about it. Yeah.

The college from where I did my diploma graduation,

a trans woman came out in that college.

Maybe her friends and her

family were not supportive.

And I think the doctor she consulted gave some false information.

Due to which she attempted suicide.

It shook me up completely.

She was from my college, from my community.

And I was unable to do anything.

That's when I decided to organize a pride march.

In such a way that the entire Tripura finds out about it.

Last year the first pride walk was organized in Tripura.

For the first time, we were holding teh LGBTQ community flag in Tripura.

I have a vision.

In the next five years, we will

have such an organization in Tripura

where we will provide employment to queer people.

That's my plan for the near future.

My agenda is basically to kind of

unbox the spaces which are there within my queer community.

I can't be a lone warrior… kind of fighting everybody.

I need people who can kind of speak up for their own self.

If ten non-binary people are speaking about their own self,

on ten different occasions,

automatically the change is happening.

For past two years, I have been working in a transgender clinic as a counselor.

It's India's first trans clinic.

Whenever they go for surgery,

there is nobody to guide them correctly.

I like that I am able to solve the other person's problem in some way.

I plan to work on trans rights.

Trans empowerment.

I would like to set up community centers and shelter homes in India.

I can do this. Hopefully, in the next five years, somewhere…

I am doing ten percent of what I have dreamed of.

Relationships are the…

most important thing for everything.

You can't just lose hope.

Hope is way…

more nuanced than what you think.

There won't be any miracle.

We have to work for it. And it's happening.

Many people from the society are inviting us today.

They try to make us feel comfortable.

But we also need to go.

It should be a two-way street.

The society is taking a step towards us.

Trans people should also take a step towards them.