Original subtitles

And chocolate chip pancakes for...

Bethlehem Temple's most fearless leader.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

All right y'all,

y'all ready for the Bible Bowl tonight?

Now y'all know Bethlehem Temple's

got quite the winning streak.

No pressure though, no pressure.

Stinney told me about the little record he got going on

and we are more than ready.

[cheering]

Father, Son, Holy Ghost, ooh, ooh!

Uh... Speak for yourselves because are we?

Like, are we really ready?

-Yeah. -Okay. Then let me quiz y'all.

When God told Solomon to build the temple,

what were the exact measurements of the inside

of the sanctuary, huh?

Sharon, that's what's got you stressing?

Girl.

[Corey] Don't be a nerd.

Loser.

The questions ain't gonna be that hard.

It's gonna be simple stuff like...

-Who built the ark? -Noah.

-Moses parted the Red...? -Sea.

How many commandments are there?

Twelve.

[Calvin chuckles]

Yeah... Good call sitting him out on this one.

[Corey] Absolutely.

? Churchy ?

? I'm going to church today ?

We got this. We're gonna get the gold.

Silver and gold.

[Corey & Rodney] Have I not?

No! No, no, no, no.

I just pieced this place together after you

decided you want to choke Corey out.

I did not get choked out.

No, he did kind of hem you up, bro.

Yeah, I saw your soul leave your body for a few minutes.

[Ted] Guys...

Guys, I come in peace. I'm just here for my cup of joe.

Then I'm headed back to the church to finish setting up

for the Bible Bowl.

There's still time to throw in the towel.

Hey, that's funny, cuz.

Why would I throw in the towel

when we won the Bible Bowl the last nine years?

Correction... Pastor Stinney owned that trophy

for the last nine years, not you.

So let's not take credit for somebody else's hard work.

Oh...

Didn't you steal all them sermons off of YouTube?

You can't steal what's public domain.

Anyway, Corey...

you seem pretty confident.

Why don't we make things interesting?

Why don't we, cuz?

[Mother Jean] You did...

what!?

Technically, it's still a fundraiser.

It's just that only the winning team will leave

with all the finances.

[Mother Jean] Corey, that offering really

would have been a blessing to our church and to Teddy's.

And you just gambled it away.

How could you be so bad with money?

You and my nephew have turned something that was supposed

to be a blessing into some sort of gamble!

-Mm-mm. -[Corey] I...

I didn't mean for it to go like this, but Teddy,

he just kept pushing and pushing and pushing.

[Mother Jean] Yeah, yeah, and you let him.

It's always Teddy. It's always somebody.

But our responsibility is to this church,

this community,

not one of your little rivalries.

I'm done.

Mm, I got him... Mm-hmm.

[Corey, sighs] Look, I...

I... Stinney, I'm sorry.

Man, I'm just...

Bury him! Do you understand me?

Bury him...

into the ground!

Stomp him into the ground!

What?

What was all that?

You think I got this far without knowing how to play the role?

Come on, now.

You did say this was all or nothing, right?

-Yeah. -You bet it.

Go get it.

[gentle music]

Which Hebrew texts also appear in the Book of Solomon?

This one's... [indistinct].

And this one... I need to get...

Um...

[indistinct] in Spanish.

Calvin?

-Yeah? -Calvin!?

-What? -Ca--

-Calvin, hello? -Huh?

Huh?

Really? Out of all the places,

this where you want to play Jenga?

Oh, my bad.

I needed somewhere safe to store this merch.

For tonight? The Bible Bowl?

There's no merch for the Bible Bowl.

Ain't no merch for the Bible Bowl?

Hold on. Then...

Ain't no merch for the Bible Bowl?

What? What?

I can't... [imitates explosion]

[laughing]

Bible Bowl merch, baby.

You like that?

-[scoffs] Mm. -You like that?

-Mm-hmm. -Wow!

-Yeah. -Calvin!?

-Yes? -How you spell Bible?

B-I-B-E-L, Bible? Duh.

Who don't know how to spell Bible?

-[chuckling] -[Sharon sighs]

I gotta get back to studying.

Oh, you're studying for the Bible Bowl?

My bad. I came in loud.

Listen, I got you.

You ain't gonna even know I'm here.

Please, just the Bibel shirts....

-Just get them out of my face. -My bad, I'm sorry.

Psalms, Psalms, Psalms.

"Listen to me--" [tape ripping]

I did it too long.

That's the thing... Well, it's okay.

But now it's got me. Now it's... damn it.

Sharon, help me now. It's got...

It's got me now!

I got two hands. I forgot.

I be forgetting I have two hands sometimes.

You ever wash your hair and forget

you can breathe through your nose?

You be like, "Ah, I almost drowned in the shower!"

[chuckles] [tape scratches]

? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ooh ?

[laughs] Yeah, do a harmony.

[Both] ? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ooh ?

[Rodney] ? Oh, yeah ?

Rodney! There you are. Look, man.

We need to talk about the game plan.

Game plan? Bro, we literally about to practice.

Practice! You talkin' bout practice?!

Stop, stop.

Let me do my Iverson thing. You talkin' 'bout practice?!

Not a game, man! Practice?!

-Bro? -Okay, okay, look.

I don't care about the trivia. We can lose that.

But the music? The music?!

Got to be right!

Bro, we're already pretty strong.

Pretty strong. Pretty strong?

Pretty strong does not keep the streak alive, Rodney.

Pretty strong gets us a participation trophy

and a pity clap. This is winner take all.

I thought this was a community fundraiser.

[Corey & Rodney] It is!

Look, man, I need you to lock in.

-Well, I'm locked in. -Are you locked in?

-Bro, I'm locked in! -You know what?

I think I need to take over. Just run point

to make sure this is all airtight.

-Okay. -Okay.

You the pastor. I'm... I'm just here to serve.

Nowyou're locked in!

Let's do it. Uh, uh, uh!

[Corey & Rodney] Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!

Okay, let's go!

We need to rehearse!

Where is the rest of my praise team?

Bro, rehearsal really don't even start

for about 15--

Well, look who walked in! Jamal!

Look at me, y'all! I got protective style!

Baby hair and braids!

I come in whatever I want!

Do you think Teddy's praise team

just waltzes in in a white dress

whenever they feel like showing up? No!

With the Frappucino, no less?

No, ma'am!

First of all, this is a smoothie.

You see that? Smooth-ie.

Second of all, unless you about to start cuttin' checks,

I get here when I get here.

Oh, so now it's about money.

I thought this was about ministry.

We're supposed to serve with a servant's heart.

-Now you talkin' about money? -[Rodney] Bro.

This is what's wrong with the praise team.

-Bro. -All right, here we go.

From the top. And...

-A-one, two, three-- -[Jamal slurps smoothie]

[swallows obnoxiously] Ahh!

-Are you done? -Are youdone?

[gentle music]

[Calvin] But see, this ain't just

a shirt, okay?

This is a memory.

Come on, Bible Bowl, baby!

You spelled Bible wrong.

I'm only charging 15, not 25.

15, huh?

I need my change.

-Okay. -15, right?

-Yep, 15. -Okay, give me my change.

-Mm-hmm... change. -That's it, that's it!

Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

I need my change.

God loves a cheerful giver.

[Customer] You're lucky I'm saved.

Alright, alright, y'all, now... Now, get your fans.

Get your Bible Bowl fans, folks.

Stay cool while you cheer.

Limited edition!

[chuckles] Get your fans, folks.

Get your fans!

Don't let that Holy Ghost

hit before you... Hey, whoa, whoa.

Fans, huh? [chuckles]

That's real cute. What else you got?

You got a signature communion cup?

[laughing]

You just mad 'cause you ain't think of it first.

Let me ask you this, though.

How many of those fans you got?

Got about five more boxes in my trunk.

-Five more? -Listen...

You help me move these here tonight?

-Right. -Might just cut you in.

Let me think about that... Hey, I'm in.

Man, you just keep popping up.

Okay, but listen, here's the thing.

Do this my way, we make a lot of money.

Deal.

-Yeah? [chuckles] -Yeah.

-You in the van outside? -Yeah.

I almost broke into that.

-You did? -Yeah.

When I came back, I saw the key,

and I said "Somebody was in here."

[upbeat gospel music] [applause and cheering]

Welcome to the Bible Bowl!

Hallelujah, Lubbock!

-[Carl] Hallelujah, Lubbock! -[cheering and applause]

On tonight, we have a clash of the Titans.

Returning nine-year champions

Bethlehem Temple is here!

-[applause and cheering] -[Carl] Going up against...

Sacred Kingdom!

[applause and cheering]

Sacred! Sacred Kingdom!

The stakes...

are higher than a Jezebel's heels on a good working night.

-[laughing] -[Carl] The competition's...

hotter than Nebuchadnezzar's furnace.

Tighten your Bible belts, people.

Trivia round starts now.

[cheering]

[Carl] Alright, teams.

Sacred Kingdom!

Who built the ark?

That's a tough one. Um, could you...

Who built the ark? That was the question.

Who... built the ark?

We're gonna go with, um... Noah.

That is correct!

[applause and cheering]

Sacred Kingdom off to a hot start, blazing hot!

Next question... Bethlehem Temple:

Spell... Deuteronomy.

Right... D-E-U--

In Hebrew!

In Hebrew?

Yes, please. In Hebrew.

[speaking Hebrew poorly]

That is incorrect!

There's no phlegm in the spelling

of Deuteronomy in Hebrew!

We can't even spell it in English!

I thought you were a pastor. [chuckling]

Pass the dictionary.

[laughing]

Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess.

-You need a fan, right? -Absolutely not.

It's, like, 32 degrees in there. Do you have a hoodie?

Um, so, we ain't got no hoodies.

I can get you, like, four or five of these t-shirts.

-How much are they? -How much you got?

Oh, I have money. I have...

Oh, perfect, cash. That's enough right here.

So let me go ahead and get you those right here.

That's exact price, I was gonna say.

I ain't gonna charge you no tax on it.

-Okay. -All right, be blessed, now.

[Carl] All right, Bethlehem Temple, keep up.

As you know, Christ, our Lord and Savior, Jesus,

was employed as a carpenter by trade.

Assuming He was

buried on a Friday and resurrected that Sunday,

name...

the employee that was called in to cover His shift

on that Monday.

What kind... What kind of question is this?

Employee?

I'm just reading the cards. I'm...

-What shift? -What?

He was in the pit.

He was W-9.

That is incorrect! [buzzer]

That's looking shaky for your crown.

It really is.

-[laughs] -[Calvin] The holy water!

You get in there like a church raid.

-Yeah! I like that! -Then go around [indistinct].

$5.99 for some lemonade? Y'all trippin'.

Yeah, is you is, or is you ain't thirsty, man?

You sell a little bit of everything up in here.

That's right.

We also got this little fan right here to... [sniffs]

whiff that... that smell of devil's lettuce up off you.

Ooh... Yeah.

No, you smelling that orange, brother.

-Yeah, that orange reefer. -You better let him know.

-[laughing] -Orange reefer.

You need some more?

Do you need some more?

-Jesus! -Oh...

I ain't the only ones up in here selling something.

-All right. -I'll see you, though.

They just let any type of heathens in here.

-Yeah, he got... -I cannot believe...

-Restin' crime face. -That he didn't...

-He ain't baptized. -Let me taste a little bit.

Hey, my man! Hey!

I'm just going to the bathroom.

-No, no! -[Calvin] Hey! Yo, man! Come on!

What are the first three words

in the beginningof the Bible?

In the beginning.

[Corey] Leading the witness, objection.

Bethlehem Temple, question for you.

Our friend Noah, God put him

in charge of building the ark,

where the animals

-needed to be rounded up-- -Two by two!

That was not the question!

The question is:

what were the exact

measurements of the ark

in cubits?

300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high.

What? That... That... That... That's surprisingly right.

Yeah! Let's go!

Go, Sharon!

What is the first letter

of the word Bible?

B.

You'd be correct, sir.

Recite Psalm 119:105... backwards!

Feet my to lamp a is word thy!

[raucous cheering]

[buzzer beeps]

That would be Mount Sinai.

Judas...

Jesus...

[Carl] How many spices were in

the holy anointed oil...

-in Exodus? -[Sharon] Four: Myrrh,

cinnamon, cassia, calamus!

That's correct.

[applause and cheering]

What was the weight of Goliath's armor...

in shekels?

500 shekels, or 125 pounds.

[applause and cheering]

Sharon! Let's go!

How do you even know that that's right?

The lights? The lights came from here.

Yeah, correct.

[applause and cheering]

[Sharon] Malchus, Peter cut off his ear.

Five loaves of bread.

[Sharon] 1446 B.C.

Yes!

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

[Sharon] Jemimah, Keziah, Keren-Happuch!

Yeah!

What is the 144,000 mentioned in Revelation 7?

The 12 tribes of Israel, 12,000 each tribe.

Yes! Yeah!

[indistinct whispering]

I got your back, I got your back,

I got your back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

[Calvin] 72?

That's basically Antarctica.

Ain't no wonder why them church fans is gathering dust.

Hey, time for some divine intervention.

I like that! Hey, boy, you got bars, boy!

And on the seventh day, the Lord said,

"Let there be heat."

[imitates fire]

[laughing]

Wow, didn't expect this turnout.

Wow, this is... This is weird.

You guys blew that lead like the Lakers.

-Wow! -That... That... That's enough.

[Carl] So now we gotta break the tie.

Last question goes to Sacred Kingdom.

Who is the first king of Israel?

And if you don't get it right, Saulgood!

David!

[audience groans]

That is incorrect!

Yes.

Bethlehem Temple...

Who...

was the first...

king...

-of Israel? -King Saul!

From 1050 B.C. to 1010 B.C.

That is correct.

[applause and cheering]

[Rodney] Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Wow... Somehow Bethlehem Temple takes the first round.

All right, we're gonna take a brief intermission,

and we're gonna come back

with the grand finale gospel sing-off!

[applause and cheering] [upbeat music]

That's what I'm talking 'bout y'all!

-[Corey] You see? -Impressive.

Round one was a fluke.

I guess the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Oh, He was mysteriously working overtime on all our questions.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me.

If I didn't know any better,

it sounds like you're accusing me of, I don't know,

handpicking the host,

carefully curating your impossible questions,

and stacking the deck entirely in my favor.

Clearly, you don't know any better.

That is exactly what I'm accusing you of.

Did you not, did he not get it?

-Literally. -Bingo!

I thought it was clear in the sarcasm.

See you round two... Pastor!

Y'all in for a treat.

All right, y'all, look. We got the lead.

-All we gotta do is keep it. -Say less.

They ain't heard my song yet, and they ain't seen my thing.

Woo! Ah!

Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! Let's go!

-Yes! -[Corey] Yes!

? Oh, oh, yeah ?

Yeah, Sharon! Yeah, you did that!

Thank you, guys.

You know, I really appreciate it.

Ah, yeah. I can see you hot.

-[laughing] -A double entendre!

I see what you did.

Excuse me. My brothers, how much is this?

-Uh...10. -50.

Excuse me for a second.

[indistinct whispering]

50.

-[Eddie] Mm-hmm. -$50...

Yeah, well, don't be using the product until you pay

for the product, okay?

Please, I don't have that money. Please.

I understand, but this is a commemorative run.

This is Martin Luther King's signature right there.

Please, let me get one for free. Please, just one time.

We do not have anything for free.

-No. -[Calvin] No time.

-This is no free. -Yeah, you can go on...

Go on back in there. Go on to hell.

The Lord will frown upon you.

Yeah, well, you know what? At least I'll be cool.

Look at me! Look at me! There's a little preview

in the sanctuary of where you headed to.

[Calvin chuckles] How you doing? Okay.

-Thank you. Here you go. -You see how she did that?

-There you go. -You see how she did that?

[smooth music]

How are you not absolutely melting right now?

It feels like the devil's armpit in here.

You know, it doesn't bother me. It reminds me of home.

Where are you from?

The South, my friend... The Deep South.

God bless you. God bless you.

Hey, y'all, anybody seen Corey? It's go time.

He said he needed to go change.

What he change into?

God bless you. I know.

Even though we have a little extra heat,

you know, we have something to celebrate.

Thanks to your generosity,

we have raised an incredible...

$100,000!

[applause and cheering]

I can't leave this platform without thanking

our key sponsor,

Mr. Maverick West of Jumping Joyland!

[applause]

Thank you, sir.

All right, what'd I miss, y'all?

Clearly the memo that you and Carl Lentz

should never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever dress alike.

What, you don't like the fit?

Fit where, bro? Them pants do not fit.

These got spandex in them, y'all.

[Sharon] Stop it, stop it.

Bro, you're embarrassing us right now.

All right, you know what?

Guys, we're focused on the wrong thing.

We need to focus on this. Y'all, lock in.

Don't worry about the outfit.

Let's worry about the performance.

That's nice of you to say.

I said, are you ready?

First up,

Bethlehem Temple!

Watch me.

[Corey] Watch me. [upbeat music]

[Rodney] Come on, Bible Bowl!

Let's lift up Jesus!

Oh!

? This is the day the Lord has made ?

? I will rejoice ?

? And be glad Can you help me say?

-? Rejoice -? Rejoice ?

-? Rejoice, rejoice -? Rejoice ?

-? Yeah -? Rejoice ?

? Rejoice and be glad ?

Put your hands together and say...

-? Rejoice, yeah -? Rejoice, rejoice ?

? Rejoice ?

? We'll lift up the name of Jesus ?

? We will give You ?

? All the praise ?

? For You have done ?

-? Many wonderful things -? Wonderful things ?

? I will rejoice and be glad in it ?

I will, I will, I will!

? I will lift... ?

Oh, here comes the young thugs.

Hey, man, can we get some lemonade?

Oh, whoa, whoa, take that bass out your voice.

Right, you come up bellowin' [growls obnoxiously]

Can we get some lemonade? How much is it?

-15.99. -Yeah.

$15 for lemonade? I already bought your shirts.

You said this was a large. This is a "shmedium", at least.

-At least. -First of all, first of all,

I said it's gonna make you look large, okay?

-That's what you said. -You look swole right now,

is what I'm trying to say.

Y'all take Apple Pay or not? Come on.

Are you working for the government?

You trying to itemize it? You gonna write that off?

-Who sent you? -Cash only, man.

-[teens muttering] -[laughing]

Oh hey, let me get that.

Oh, here you go.

-Are you serious? -Mm-hmm.

-That's not a lot. -All sales are final, too.

-Let's get out of here. -Look how large your hands look!

Like a giant got that cup!

? He is Almighty God, Wonderful Counselor ?

? For You have done many wonderful things ?

-? I will rejoice -? Oh, Jesus ?

? And be glad ?

Come on and give Him glory in here!

Come on, somebody!

Come lift up Jesus!

[applause] [Carl] Glory!

Glory!

Glory!

Bethlehem Temple, ladies and gentlemen!

[yawning]

[Carl] Bethlehem Temple!

Sacred Kingdom is going to have something

to tussle with on that one.

Now top that!

-Oh, we will. Easily. -[Carl] Ladies and gentlemen,

saints and aids... [snaps fingers]

give it up, please,

for Sacred Kingdom Fellowship Choir!

Y'all got Jason McGee?

They got Jason McGee?

[Corey] They got Jason McGee in their choir?

-They got Jason McGee! -[Carl] Led by Mr. Harper!

Mr. Harper?

Y'all got Mr. Harper, too? He don't go here.

Watches online... Close enough.

Oh, my God!

[applause and cheering]

[energetic music]

? When I think about all God has done ?

? For me ?

? He's brought me out ?

? To trounce all the enemies ?

? I've got to ?

? Praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him, I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got to praise the Lord, I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got the praise the Lord ?

? I've got to praise Him ?

? I've got the praise the Lord ?

[energetic music continues]

We're not losing.

[energetic music continues]

Not on my watch.

[energetic music continues]

She is challenging him.

[energetic music continues]

Let me fit my praise in.

[energetic music continues]

Looks like Bethlehem Temple's going to have

to find another way to cover those back taxes.

It's just a few bills.

God provides. I'm gonna pray for you, brother.

Hey, guys.

-[Corey] Mayor Wilson... -[Ted] Mayor Wilson!

Great to see you!

Thank you.

We could just come to you if that's easier.

I didn't win two terms by letting things come to me.

You need a wheelchair or something?

[Mayor Wilson] Whew...

You two...

certainly put on

a show tonight.

Teddy, could I have a moment with Corey, please?

Oh, of course.

Alone.

-Oh! -Thank you.

-Yeah, sure... Corey. -Yes.

I just want to say that I am so glad

that we could come together and bring God

to the community in such an impactful way, right?

-Yeah? -Yep, yep.

You two have a blessed night.

Yeah. And drive home safe, Teddy.

Put your seat belt on

in case you crash in an unfortunate accident.

Like you did on stage? Crashed.

Terrible job.

Mayor Wilson...

look I just want to take this time to apologize

for the whole protest thing; it was an unfortunate mistake.

You know, some of our members are elderly.

-They just... They don't-- -Corey, Corey, Corey.

Relax... It's okay.

Okay.

It was a distasteful coincidence,

but a coincidence nonetheless.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, I did a little homework on you,

so I know that you care.

Now, how you show it, well, you know,

you could use a little polishing.

Perception is everything, you know.

People don't just follow pastors because of what they say.

They also follow them for what they see.

-Mm-hmm. -[Mayor Wilson] Now...

Fix it.

Yes... Yes, ma'am.

-All right. -Consider it done.

-Thank you. -Yes.

And listen, for the love of all things holy,

lose that jacket.

Jodeci boots?

I like Dru Hill.

Oh, I knew crop top does not work for my body type.

-You want a fan? -Pull it out.

-Hey. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What did y'all do?

Nothing. We was picking up programs.

-[Eddie] Yeah. -Yeah, programs.

I mean, nothing illegal.

No.

-In God's eyes. -Amen.

[Calvin] We just came out here to, like,

put something on the building fund.

Give me the money, all the money.

Everything y'all made belongs to the church tonight.

-Everything else is in the box. -[Eddie] Yeah.

-How much is it? -[shouting frantically]

[upbeat music]

[music]

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