Original subtitles

[Rodney] Man, y'all straight trippin'.

Samson would wipe the floor with David.

I'm with Rodney. Samson had superhuman strength.

His only problem was that coochie.

Woo, took him down.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. In a fight to the death?

Dog, he took out a whole army with a jawbone,

one-on-one.

That fight ain't lasting past 30 seconds, bro.

Hey, don't disrespect David like that.

Okay, but y'all can't figure it out about my girl Jael, though.

Who?

Never heard of her.

What? Jael? Oh, my gosh.

She took out the commander of the army,

pegged him to death?

[Rodney] Come on, now. We in church.

Come on.

-Talking about some pegging? -[Calvin] I'ma be honest.

I didn't even know that was possible.

She pegged the army commander in the skull while he was asleep.

You could have worded it differently...

Yeah, okay, in the head. Now I got it.

Okay, listen, guys.

We're thinking about this all wrong, okay?

Yes, Samson was strong. He was like the Hulk, right?

Grr, angry, grr. You know why?

Because his hairline was messed up.

Now...

David was like Hawkeye:

skill; precision; one shot, one kill.

Yeah, but David wouldn't be able to use no weapons.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize that there was rules in this street fight

to the death. What you think, baby girl?

What?

Whose child is this?

Uh-uh. No, no, no.

All my baby mamas accounted for.

That is not my doing.

"Had to run.

Back at 5 P.M., Ryan's mom."

-Calvin? -Yes?

Vacation Bible School is next month.

Correct.

So why do these flyers that I asked you to print

and pass around town say that it's today?

So you'll be happy to know I got a really great deal

on those flyers at the copy place.

However, I did notice that it had today on there

after I had paid and got 'em done.

But I crossed that out,

and I put your phone number

on there so people can go directly to the source

-for more details. -[Sharon] Calvin...

something is really wrong with you.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

I already put the number in.

I'm gonna call the mama, have her pick up the baby.

Don't you worry, sweetheart. Your mom'll be here in no time.

[door clicks]

Hi, this is, uh,

Pastor Corey Carr, Bethlehem Temple.

Is this Ryan's mom? -[Ryan's Mom] Oh, Pastor!

Thank you again for watching my baby today.

-I cannot thank you enough. -Yeah, about that, actually.

We had a small mix-up in the dates.

We need you to come back and pick her up.

[Ryan's Mom] Oh, I cannot do that.

Besides, the flyers said "Vacation Bible School today."

So y'all need to honor that.

No, but we don't actually have the support staff to honor that.

[Ryan's Mom] Ah, ah, ah! God will see you through it.

I'm sure of it.

Hey, okay. Um, let me get the purple.

That's cute. Ooh, yeah, okay, I want that.

Gettin' her nails done She gettin' her nails done.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

[cheering]

Corey, you better have an excellent explanation

of why there's a bunch

of unsupervised little devils running around in my church!

I guess we're having Vacation Bible School?

-Yay! -Yay!

See?

It's not a devil. It's an angel.

Children's church, right?

[children yell]

? Churchy ?

? I'm going to church today 'cause I need love ?

Okay, kids, welcome to Vacation Bible School.

Here is our leadership team for today,

and we are ready to guide you

on a wonderful adventure, uh...

First we have Sharon, who will be in charge of, um...

-Art! -Cory, I hate drawing. And kids.

Ms. Sharon has an art studio

in downtown Lubbock called I Love Drawing and Kids.

We also have Rodney, who will be doing music.

I got a Grammy, y'all.

[hands clap]

[Corey] Okay...

last but not least, we have Calvin,

the man of the hour, the reason we're all here.

Uh, Calvin is gonna be in charge of, um...

Why don't you tell us what you have planned?

Yeah, absolutely, Pastor.

Well, my whole plan is...

no plan, you know?

I'm trying to leave a little space for Jesus

to do what he do,

have a little faith, if you will.

Uh, but, uh...

I'll take, uh, him, her... Hey, you, come on.

Wake up.

Y'all come with me.

We're gonna figure something out.

You better not have no weed in this church.

Okay. Uh, who would like to go with Ms. Sharon?

Okay, yay. All right, come on.

Let's do some art.

I guess these

are my future Grammy winners; let's go.

Bah, bah!

Bah! Boom!

[chuckling]

All right, so you wasn't going

to go with none of the groups?

Okay, cool.

Cool, just stay there.

Qualified leaders, huh?

[scoffs] I've seen better supervision at a dog kennel.

Get it together, Corey. And, son, fix your face.

[Corey] Cool, so you just...

You just gonna be here, just staring?

You just ain't...

That's fine, all right?

Don't mess up nothing, don't burn nothing.

[bell rings]

Now, first and foremost,

you may call me Dr. Rodney!

-Dr. Rodney! -[Rodney] Now...

today we're not just singing gospel.

We...

-are understanding gospel. -[Child] Let's go!

I call the tambourine!

Ah, ah, ah! Back, back, back, back!

Not on my watch! Okay?

Now we'll get there eventually.

But first, we start here,

the history.

Picture it now:

Africa.

Who is ready to get

their art on?

I said...

who is ready to get their art on?

[phone keyboards click] Hello?

Is anyone home?

Got something for y'all. Mm!

In the basket. Oh, yes, thank you.

-In the basket. -Yo, this feels illegal.

Illegal?

If at any point you feel like you need to call your parents,

your phones will be right here, okay?

-Uh, Miss Sharon? -Uh, yes, Ms. Ava?

I think I speak for the group when I say this is lame.

-It really is. -Like, isn't this art class?

How are we supposed to make art

without our phones?

It's givin' 1990s.

It's givin' give me your phone.

Fine. You win.

All of 'em.

Wow. So that's how you wanna be?

That's how it's gonna be. Okay?

[scoffs] Who you talking to? I'm the teacher.

Now...

Picasso was a man,

an artistic man.

Y'all be cussin'?

Y'all probably too young to cuss.

I was cussing already. Hold on right there.

Um...

[claps, snaps fingers] So what y'all want to do?

-You asking us? -[Calvin] Yeah!

I mean, I basically just got to make sure y'all don't die

or end up on the news, the bare minimum.

That's what I plan to do.

You ain't never thought about growing

those sides out? Don't even worry about it, man.

I like the high top look on you.

It's good. Don't worry about it.

Get your hand off your face, have confidence.

I like blowing stuff up.

I like the way you think, man.

I got some fireworks in my tr...

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

Because I'm already in the doghouse,

and if I do that, there ain't no tellin'.

But

I might have something just as cool.

All right.

Y'all stay here. I'll be right back.

Clap your hands right now. Say, "Thank you, Jesus."

-Thank you, Jesus. -Say, "Thank you, Jesus."

-Thank you. -Say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."

You ain't got it. Let me try you.

Say, "Thank you, Jesus."

Thank you, Jesus!

[Rodney] Come on. "Thank you, Jesus."

-Thank you, Jesus. -Say "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."

You almost had it. You ain't got it today.

Brother, I'm believing in you. Holiness is still right

and it's in you. Come on! Hallelujah!

Say, "Thank you, Jesus."

-Thank you-- -You ain't saying nothing.

Let me try you.

-[Rodney] "Thank you, Jesus." -Thank you, Jesus!

-Come here. Hallelujah! -Hallelu--

You didn't fall out. You ain't got it.

[sighing]

There are more lessons to learn.

[Sharon] Oh!

This is, uh, abstract?

Uh, yeah.

This very spiritual feeling.

What do we have here?

-A cat? -That's my mom.

That's your mama?

-Yes. -Your mama is beautiful.

Miss Walters?

Oh, Ethel, you can just call me Sharon.

No.

What is it, Ethel?

Miss Sharon,

my hand is cramping.

How much longer do we have to do this?

Yeah, can we just...

play a video game or something?

No! No!

Oh, my goodness!

You guys, this is art class.

Art is supposed to make you feel something, right?

So you gotta push through everything.

Push through the pain, the hand cramps, Ethel.

Think bigger. Think better.

You got this!

You got this.

She says she wants bigger and better so...

...let's give her bigger and better.

[mischievous music]

[camera clicks]

[snickering]

[mischievous music continues]

Listen up!

Today you will learn the ancient art of sling!

Okay? These right here Hey, hey, hey, look!

This ain't no water balloon launcher.

Okay? This is serious business.

This is the same skill set that helped David

take down Goliath.

So we gonna give it a whirl.

I believe in y'all! All right?

All you gotta do is put your heart and your mind into it.

Here we go! Take aim! Release!

[slingshot snaps]

[rock thuds]

How did your rock fly backwards, hmm?

Okay. All right! All right! Well, you know what?

Listen, listen, listen. Even David misses now and then.

Let me show you how it's done. Excuse, excuuuuse me!

Yeah!

[can rattles]

Under the leg! Pow!

[Calvin laughs] [can rattles]

Helen Keller! No eyes!

[laughing]

Hey, listen up.

Just stay strong, young grasshoppers.

You'll get it sooner or later. You gotta stick with it.

You gotta keep going. [can rattles]

Am I bleeding? Am I bleeding?

You got that dog in you.

[laughing] You got that-- [barks]

You got that dog in you!

[laughing] I like that.

I like that. Let's try it again!

Try it again.

All right, Corey, let's go over these finances really quick.

I don't-- [phone buzzes]

Now, this line item right here...

Hello? Hey, Miss Jenkins.

He's having a blast. He is...

Sammy is a girl? Sammy is a girl.

Yes, and she's an angel, bundle of joy.

Okay, we'll see you soon. Sorry about that.

[phone buzzes]

[Mother Jean] Corey, do you know

-how much this line item... -Hey!

Miss Thompson. Yes.

Lil' Jimmy? Uh-huh.

He's ripping and runnin', runnin' around here.

You know how he's always been a runner.

He does have asthma?

You know what? He just sat down.

Oh, he's breathing, absolutely breathing.

Matter of fact, he's been taking the deepest breaths.

Everybody's been talking about how deep his breaths have been.

Just... [breathes deeply]

Okay, see you soon. Sorry.

Sorry, Mother Jean.

Corey, you do know

that we could actually get some work done

if you weren't runnin' a hotline for lost children.

Oh, Mother Jean, you know how parents are.

You know, parents gotta parent. But don't worry.

I've got this all under control.

Let me ask you something.

Since you have it all under control,

do you have any idea

how you're gonna match all these children up

with their parents when it comes time to go home?

Or are we just gonna release them to the first adult

that yells their name?

Uh [clears throat] Yeah.

I-I got a plan. I'm gonna, um...

I was gonna do the honor system.

When the parent comes, we'll bring the children out together.

And then, of course, the parents are gonna look for their kid.

The kid's gonna go right into their arms, of course.

Oh, I am fascinated to know how you're gonna keep

these parents from leaving here with somebody else's kid.

Or, better yet, a child leaving here with a random stranger.

Th-That won't even happen, Mother Jean.

Who would want another kid?

You know, you want your kid,

not another kid.

Mm.

'Cause you already got the clothes for yours and stuff,

and then pictures of them.

[Rodney] Gospel music,

it was born out of the struggle, out of the resilience,

and out of the pentatonic scale.

Repeat after me:

? The pentatonic scale ?

? Pentatonic scale ?

? The pentatonic scale ?

-? The pentatonic scale -That's right!

Now, in order to get there, you have to have the Holy Ghost.

Who has the Holy Ghost?

None of y'all. I must teach you. Here we go.

Roboco!

Roboco.

Namansi!

Namansi.

Ha!

-Ha! -[Rodney] Now,

that's not another language.

That's called speaking in tongues.

But it has to come from your shondo.

This is your shondo. This is your what?

Shondo!

This is your what?

Shondo!

Roboco!

Roboco.

Namansi!

Namansi.

Ha!

Ha.

Oh, God! Thank you, God! [speaking in tongues]

[Sharon] All right, kids, I'll be right back.

Stay focused.

Okay, look, look, look.

We didn't have a plan on how to get these kids back

to their parents safely, but I have one; don't worry.

[indistinct whispering]

Yeah, that's straight trash.

Yeah, you really overcomplicating it, bro.

What? How?

Bro, you might as well just hand out raffle tickets and hope

for the best with that plan.

You know what? Fine.

Since y'all are so smart, and you got your degrees,

and you know everything, and Corey's stupid--

-Stop-- -Why don't y'all

-take over the church? -Bro.

Why don't you preach on Easter?

Why don't you just lead the children?

Why don't you take over the music department?

-I do music already. -Okay,

why don't you take over the music department?

-Bro, stop. Stop. -Yeah, why don't we just have

the parents text a picture with the family, with the kid?

That way we know who's who.

Now, that's a great idea.

"Why don't we take a kid, take a picture?"

[Sharon] See, now you're being petty.

You're acting like the kids over there.

You can't do a plan. Okay, you know what?

-Fine. Fine, fine. -[Sharon] Don't do that, Corey.

Let's do Calvin's plan. First time I've ever said that.

-Wow. -[Corey] I'll call the parents.

Y'all get back to your groups, okay?

Ready? Break. I'm not part of this team.

We didn't even put our hands in. You just walked away. Rude.

That's why I'm the real MVP.

Boy, shut up! Okay?

Because you're the reason why we're even

in this mess in the first place.

Boy, you got a red dress on. I'm outta here.

Ashy kneecaps, get outta here.

Do you have time to listen

to how I could actually fix this mess?

Yes! Please.

All right. Well, then what you need is

a call-based confirmation system.

-Okay. -Now, that's where

the parents call you while they're standing right

in front of you.

And if their number matches what we have in our records,

then we release the child.

Genius!

No, it's not genius. It's just common sense.

-Let me show you. -Okay.

You got your kid. You got your description.

-Yeah. -And you got your phone number.

And so what we're going to do is start by

compiling the numbers that we already have

from the parents that called and checked

on their babies earlier.

And then we'll just work our way backwards.

We?

Yes, we, 'cause weliterally cannot afford a lawsuit.

Okay! We're working together! Huh? High five?

-Absolutely not. -All right. Just too soon.

We'll get to that. We'll work up to the high five.

Maybe later you'll be...

-Corey, get the numbers. -Okay.

[Rodney] And that is why 1962 was a pivotal year

for the genre.

See, before that, they didn't have any categories

at the Grammys for artists like Mahalia Jackson,

or Halia, as I like to call her.

Who?

Okay, clearly, you guys don't want

to hear any more history lessons

on a whiteboard.

So who actually wants to play something?

With instruments? Right now? No whiteboard?

No whiteboard, buddy.

Finally!

Go ahead. Come on. Come on. Pick out something.

Whatever speaks to you, whatever speaks to you.

[tambourines jingle]

So step, step, step, step!

? I know it was the blood ?

? I know it was the blood, come on ?

? I know it was blood ?

? For me ?

Now y'all go ahead.

? I know it was... ?

Oh, my God. Y'all sound good.

Y'all sound so good. Keep going.

Keep going. I just gotta go to the bathroom.

I'm goin' to the bathroom.

[snickering]

Uh...

what's going on around here?

You said you wanted art, so..

we got you art.

What--

-How did you-- -[scoffs] It was easy.

All I had to do was take a picture of you,

then I uploaded it to the Crazy Faces app

with a rush delivery.

And can I say, it really brings out your eyes.

You ordered art?

I mean, I prefer the term generated, but...

Ordered works.

[Sharon] It's...

[scoffs] Wow. I-- Wow.

All right. You got Jamela Kwan?

Jamela Kwan.

-Levitron. -Levitron.

-Fontania. -Fontania.

-Comatisha. -Comatisha.

-Janisha. -Janisha.

And Quantasia.

And Quantasia!

-Yes! -[Mother Jean] All right.

Man, thank you

for your help on this; looks like everybody on the list

is finally accounted for!

Not everyone.

Calvin!

Okay, take a deep breath, T.J.,

and sling it right down the middle!

[Corey] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

What is going on here?

What's it look like? T.J. here has impeccable aim.

You got to watch this. He's gonna...

Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, just out of sheer curiosity,

what are you going to shoot that apple with?

-A rock -It's a rock.

A rock?

-It's a rock. -[Corey] A rock!

Please, give me the rock.

Lord Jesus.

A rock? Calvin?

Boo!

-Are you serious? -Boo! Boo this man!

Boo!

Boo! He's boring! Boo!

Enough, we are playing by the rules today,

no exceptions, all rocks

and slingshots, please. Thank you, thank you so much.

God bless you. Rock?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Calvin, shut this down. No more slingshots.

No more rocks. No more apple tricks.

Good grief, man!

[energetic martial music]

[slingshot snaps]

[cheering]

[barking]

[cheering] [martial music continues]

[indistinct chattering]

What's this?

Well, uh, your son, Justin, here

took the time to teach the entire class

about art of the future.

You got a little leader on your hands.

We're going to have to make some room

on the fridge for this.

No, you really don't have to do that.

Like, at all.

Dad, can I take drum lessons?

Son, I told you don't think about that type of stuff.

I don't have enough for that. We can afford it.

Listen, I offer free drum lessons

every Saturday at the church.

Just bring him down.

Thank you, man.

-No problem. -You know, God be Goddin'.

-It's all good. -Come on, my little drummer boy.

Thank you. Thank you so much, pastors.

It's so hard to find a church

that actually cares about the kids.

We've been looking for a while now,

and I just might just come back on Sunday.

[giggles]

Good job, Pastor. Not bad at all.

Hey, man, y'all did a great job today.

You know I'm very proud of y'all.

Hit me one more time with that-- ha!

Well, if it isn't Calvin Crooks.

-[Wendy giggles] -Hey,

-Wendy? -The last place on earth

I'd expect to see you is at church.

Well, you know, God's still got to have a sense of humor.

[both laugh]

-So which one is yours? -Over there.

You know the first thing T.J. said

to me when he got to the car?

He said, "Mom, I shot an apple off of a man's head today."

-Yeah. -So naturally I had to

come out and see who in their right mind

-would let him do that. -Well, that makes sense.

It does all make sense.

-No, it makes sense. -[Wendy laughs]

Wow. You, um--

You're still the same.

You got a great kid there.

Of course I do.

He gets it from his father.

You take care of yourself now, Calvin.

[gentle music]

All right, now. See you, see, see you tomorrow.

[car rumbles]

See you tomorrow.

I'm so glad I ain't got no kids.

Oh, my gosh...

Woo! You guys look beat.

Why are you so chipper?

I don't know.

I think I might have just met my son.

What?!

Long story. Y'all want to get something to eat?

-I could eat. -I mean, I am starving.

I am starving, too.

I might be more tired than hungry,

but I can't go to bed hungry.

[Rodney] Can we get vegan tacos?

-I want meat on my tacos. -[overlapping voices]

Y'all never heard of Tabitha Brown?

I heard of Tabitha Brown.

-She make 'em. -Mind your business, very good.

[Terry] Imagine Jumping Joyland in the heart of Lubbock, Texas.

Think about the untapped potential,

and the families, the community spirit?

Of course, if certain, uh,

financially distressed properties

that desperately need our help

were to, say, suddenly to become available

like, um, Bethlehem Temple, for instance...

Let me stop you right there.

You really think I can't see right through

this little act you've been putting on?

Mav! I assure you, I am only interested

in what's best for the community.

Bethlehem Temple needs us, man.

They could use our help.

Bethlehem Temple.

Ain't that the pastor down there

that run you out of town for stealin'

other people's sermons a few months back?

For the last time, I didn't steal nobody's sermon!

Now hold on now, cowboy!

I could care less if you stole words from God himself.

What I care about is getting to know the man

I'm considering doing business with, Teddy.

Look, I know what you are.

You're a manipulative,

two-faced, vengeful, power-hungry shark.

-I wouldn't exactly say-- -That's exactly

the kind of man I want in my corner.

[chuckles] What can I say, man?

My heart gets flowin' when I see a little

ruthless ambition, huh?

So let's partner up, man!

Let's bring Jumping Joyland in Lubbock

and, uh, get rid of your friends down there at Bethlehem Temple.

[church organ theme]

[church organ theme]

[upbeat music]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0