Original subtitles

[**]

And as per your request,

we got the goodie bags for Langston's sweet sixth birthday

separated by breed.

[Langston Barks]

- He appreciates that.

The Dobermans felt... emasculated

by the toys from last year's party, so...

- Aw, understandable, you know?

And I did try to get Beyonc� for the birthday serenade,

but she was unavailable!

So, I did however land Doja.

- Ooh-hoo-hoo!

Also said that she would do us the huge favor

of dropping the second half of her name,

you know, as to not trigger any of the guests, you know?

[Langston Barks]

- Oh.

- He approves!

- Oh. Ooh, yes. Thank you!

- I have to go get his tux,

but then I will see you ladies later tonight!

[Both] Okay!

- Come on, Langston.

[Both Chattering]

- That cannot bounce...

- That is the cutest little old dog!

Uh-huh!

See, I told you I wasn't lyin'.

Mildred, I will take my money in Tubmans.

- Auntie, what brings you back?

- Mildred didn't believe we were throwing a birthday bash for a dog.

- And what logical person would?

I mean, all of this for a broke best friend?

Seems like a lot!

- Yes, it does. And I would ask what the race of the owner was,

but, uh, that seems like a rhetorical question!

- Yes, ridiculous as that is,

it must be nice to have people who want to spoil ya!

- That's right. - Yeah, but last time I checked, you did have one!

- Ooh, girl, let me tell you!

I had to let Cecil go!

- (gasps) No! - Too many health problems!

First of all, he's running around poppin' all kinds of things,

you know, to stay afloat.

Next thing I know, baby boy was having a stroke

while he was trying to deliver a stroke!

[All Exclaim]

- Well, girl, look. I ain't mad at ya,

'cause it's no secret that my love life has hit a rough patch.

- Honey, well, don't I know it.

I just cut Leon loose.

- No! - Not Leon!

- You guys were doing so well!

- I know, I mean, but he just got all selfish

giving away all his good snacks

just 'cause he gotta shoot up a little insulin every now and again.

Big old wuss!

- Oh, my gosh.

Y'all ladies' love lives sounds like it was written and directed

by Jordan Peele.

Y'all just need to get out!

- No, what's happening is there's a common villain in this horror trilogy,

and it's the old guys.

Yeah, I think guys should just go with something a little more

freaky-freaky fresh!

- "Freaky-freaky fresh"?

- That sounds "freaky-freaky" crazy. That never works!

- Anyway, ladies, look here.

Do y'all want to listen to what I have to say,

or to the woman that ain't got no man?

- Ooh!

Well, last time I checked, where your boo at?

[Mia Sarcastically Laughs]

- Okay, yeah, yeah.

You're real funny, but you're trying to be domesticators.

See, I'm out here in these streets like a stop sign!

- I wanna be like that.

- So, Aaliyah, what would PETA do?

They'd let the cougars out the cage!

[Together] Please!

- Okay, y'all grown. Carry on.

- * L-L-L, L-Let the cougars out the cage

* Let the cougars out the cage

* Let the cougars out the cage... *

[**]

[**]

- Another episode?

Come on, babe!

- Alfonso, I waited six months for "Intimacy Island" to come back.

And with Jordan only gone for the weekend,

I'm binging on borrowed time.

Shh!

- Hello, beautiful people!

Guess whose song got mysteriously leaked?

Mine!

My group, The O'Rizzinators, song "Ya Next Best Ex"

has gone viral!

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh!

- Okay, I have never seen somebody so excited

to see their work getting leaked.

- Unless it's Kris Jenner.

- Look, guys. Everyone's totally loving it online!

- Wait.

This video has 15 million views?! - Yup!

- Oh! - Let me see this.

[Song Playing on Phone]

- Damn. - Yeah!

- Mm-hmm! - Um, son.

What is the, uh, the price tag

for going viral nowadays?

- Dad, I have no idea!

We're just trying to do this for fun--

- Not with a manager like me!

- Mm-hmm. - Whoa!

- Okay?

Say, see, son?

You know, you would think after 16 years

of you mooching off me

that you would take making money a little more seriously.

All in all, I see,

ah, we could break even about third world tour.

Huh? [Doorbell Rings]

- A world tour? - International!

- Honey, look at these comments.

- International, baby!

[Kim Murmuring]

Uncle Nigel!

- Hey, Alfonso! How you doing? Here, take this.

- I forgot you were bringing Pop's old stuff.

- Yeah, baby. Hah!

That storage room was a mess!

You know, I've seen abandoned houses better organized.

- Uncle Nigel, it's been forever!

- Oh, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy, Kimmy!

Look at you, girl!

Just as fine as I remember, mm!

- Hey, Unc. Hey, Unc!

You gon', you gon' trip out.

- Yeah!

- You haven't seen him since he was a baby, right?

Hey, say hi to your uncle Nigel.

- Hey, how are you? - What's goin' on, nephew?

Alright!

- Nigel is a longtime friend and bandmate of your grandfather's.

- See, I've known him most of my life, right?

So, I call him uncle, okay?

It's Black people. Black people.

- Oh, I can buy that. Makes sense!

Well, fellow musician to musician then,

I gotta show you my new song!

- Okay! - My grandpa was totally chill with me

sampling one of his old hits, and everyone online's loving it, look!

(rapping) I know they call you toxic, but baby, I'm Walter White,

if you play your cards right, we can be in Bali by tonight!

And then would come the hook, right?!

- Bow!

- Okay, okay, I see what you did there, nephew!

- Thanks! - That's alright.

And you couldn't have picked a better tune.

"Lovesick Lullaby", one of my best penned work.

You know what? Now we can both make some money!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa!

What?

You're saying you're my dad's Quinten Miller now?

'Cause I thought Pop wrote all his own stuff.

- He did.

I just wrote the melody for the hook, alright?

That's how I got my first writer's credit.

[Alfonso Mutters]

- Wait, that's a thing?

- Absolutely.

You know the great guitarist, James Nolen?

He's credited as a writer on most of James Brown's hits.

And you know James Brown,

he is the most sampled artist of all time.

- Wow!

And here I am thinking his only ghost writer was Mary Jane.

- Yeah, she was an unsung hero

if you got the right strain!

[They Laugh]

[Pager Beeping] - What?

- Oh, lookie here, lookie here.

I got business. Y'all take care of yourselves, alright?

- Alright, Unc. - Good seeing you, Uncle!

[**]

- You don't need that.

- Ooh!

I think I found some.

Uh, sweetie, sweetie.

Over here, please.

- Hey, what can I get you? - I'd like to send some drinks

to those succulent young brothers over there at the end of the bar.

Send 'em a Manhattan,

a Henny sidecar,

and a Moscow mule.

- Coming right up. - But wait, wait, wait.

We never established it, so,

are we going by our real ages?

- Baby, we out here aging like we Benjamin Button.

So, I don't see any reason to lie!

- Mm-hmm. - Guys!

- Oh!

- Good evening, ladies.

We just wanted to come over here and say thank you!

And of course, introduce ourselves.

You know, my name is Ocean.

- Ocean? - This my boy, Shiloh.

[Together] Shiloh.

- Uh-huh, and this my boy, Madison.

- Madison.

- Greetings.

- Look, so are you guys from out of town?

'Cause we always here,

but we ain't never seen you before.

- You know, we're locals and we party all over,

but this is the only place

with a wall of fame that we're not on yet.

- Ooh!

[Phone Buzzing]

- Hey, uh, Chris just texted me.

They gonna be at the spot soon.

We should probably head out soon, bruh.

- Okay, bet. Bet, I got you, I got you.

Hey, hey, listen, listen.

We're about to go meet up with some friends at a club.

Maybe you should come with me.

It's gonna be fun, I promise.

- Oh!

Well, what do you say, ladies?

- I say the night isn't the only thing that's young!

Let's go have some fun!

Woo!

[**]

- Dad, I want you to meet the O'Rizzinators.

This is Baby Blicky, Lance the Trapper,

and our producer, Lil Hummus.

Rizzies, meet our "Dadager".

- Yeah, it's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Williams.

- Hey, hey, hey, don't gotta be so formal.

I'm taking ten percent of your earnings, okay?

So you can just call me Fonz.

- How long this little meeting gonna take?

- What meeting you talking about?

- It's a meeting with Uncle Nigel.

I'm still trying to smooth over this whole sample business.

- To keep it a band, AJ, I don't even know why we gotta talk to the old head

if your grandpa already blessed the track.

- Right.

- Well, apparently, Uncle Nigel played bass on the track that we sampled,

so that qualifies him for a writing credit.

- Oh, nah. You don't get no writing credit for that.

You just a producer.

Otherwise, Kanye West and Mike Dean would be the new Hall & Oates.

I don't know about y'all, but I can't go for that.

- No, no, no, no, no!

[Doorbell Rings]

- Just the man I was looking for!

- Alright, alright. What's up, nephew?

- Uncle Nigel, I want you to meet the guys, the O'Rizzinators.

- Alright, how you doing, gentlemen? Nice to meet you.

Okay.

- Okay, Unc.

Can you step on over here, Unc?

Yeah, they call me Fonz now. I'm the manager.

Okay? - Okay.

- And everything's fine!

Everything's fine!

We can just talk this out.

- Not much to talk about unless we talking about a check.

- See, no, hold up! Ha-ha!

Hey, uh, see. Hey, big fella.

I see you feel some kind of way.

But, you know, don't you think you're taking this a little bit too far?

- No.

These kids need to learn, alright?

See, I am from an era

where fathers were like Marvin Gaye, Sr.

I call the shots!

- But Uncle Nigel, we don't have this kind of money!

We're only rich in likes and comments.

- If I may, Mr. Old Head Sir?

- Uh-huh. - Your melody didn't even make the track.

- Once I put them 808's on 'em, it's gonna be a whole different sound.

We'll still run you a little something once the hoochies come in,

ya feel me?

- Who's your English teacher, Lil Wayne?!

[Doorbell Rings]

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey, I know you!

You're AJ from that "Ya Next Best Ex" song, right?

- I sure am, man!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey, excuse me, excuse me!

Uh, I'm the manager,

Alfonso Williams, Sr., sir.

Okay, I'll sign for that.

- No need.

Um...

- What?!

[**]

- Dad, he's suing me for copyright infringement.

This is crazy!

- First of all,

lower your voice. I don't need your mom

coming down here and getting all up in the business, okay?

And second of all, I know how serious this is, alright?

That's why I called the best lawyer in Chicago.

He's fresh out of jail, but he ain't lost a case!

[Doorbell Rings] That's him right there.

[He Whimpers]

P! - My guy!

What's up, Alfonso?

- What's good? Looking good, looking good, b-woy!

Hey, hey, come on, come on in.

Hey, hey look.

I wish we were meeting under different circumstances,

but, you know, I appreciate you coming by on such short notice.

- No problem, man. Anything for you.

You already know you're my guy. - My guy!

- Hey, you must be AJ. - Yeah.

- Nice to meet you, man. Look at you!

Taking after your mother, looking just like her, man.

- Looking just like her. - Thank God!

- Nice to meet you, too, and thank you...

- Yeah, no problem. Look.

Look, now, I've gone over the case and checked the charges

and it does look like Mr. Nigel,

he owns a credit on "Lovesick Lullaby".

- What?! He didn't even write anything though!

All he did was just play some instrument!

- I mean, I'm sure your grandfather has written and collaborated

with many artists and in doing so,

sometime, the credit gets lost in translation.

- Wow. So, I'm screwed.

[**]

- Now, shh! Y'all don't wake up anybody.

Whoa! Ha!

You scared me!

[They Laugh] - Hi!

- Well, good morning to you, too!

- Uh-huh!

- Well, well, well.

Don't y'all think y'all ladies a little too grown

to be doing the walk of shame?

- Well, what makes you think there's any shame in our gait?

- You ladies pulled an all-nighter!

- We went out with these guys that we met the other day.

And we had so much fun!

Oh, baby, we shut that club down!

[Together] Down, down!

- I am so glad you enjoyed yourselves,

but just, you know, chill a little bit on the old timers.

One more week with y'all,

them old brittle brothers, they gon' be in body casts!

- Oh, no. Our boos don't have that problem.

They're in their 30's.

- 30's! - 30's. - You go, girl!

- Yeah, leave them cubs alone!

- Let me tell you right now, honey, my Shiloh ain't no cub.

- Go on, tell him. - Thank you, and his pounce

proves that he's the reigning king of my jungle!

- Wow! [Lucille Chuckles]

- Ew.

That's my cue. No, I'm out! - Come on, nephew!

- Bye! - Bye, Alfonso!

- Okay, okay, okay, ladies. Give me all the deets.

I want all the tea!

- Girl, let me tell you about my Madison.

Oh, my Madison, he's a foodie just like me!

Girl, we've been to all of the five-star restaurants.

All of 'em. - Yeah.

- I love a man who's not afraid to spoil his woman.

Mm-mm-mm!

- Oh, I know but, you know, he lost his wallet

and, so I've just kind of been carrying the tab.

I did save the most expensive steak houses for later.

- There you go. - Oh!

Veteran move. Mm-hmm! - That's it!

- Uh, well, Mildred?

- Oh, girl, my Shiloh. He is so artsy.

You know, we were out the other day and he saw this rare Banksy piece, you know?

And he wanted to buy it,

but he couldn't because, you know, his money's caught up

into, what, crypto, in all of that crypto!

- Now, see, that's why I don't like that crypto stuff.

I want to feel my money in my hands.

- Hello!

But, you know, I bought it for him anyway because he's so deserving,

and he was so inspired that when we got home,

I became his canvas!

- Ooh!

- You know, he definitely has that Jackson Pollock touch!

- That touch. - That touch!

- Romantic, Mildred!

- Yes, yes.

- Uh, now ladies. - Mm-hmm?

- I'm a girl's girl,

and I want you to know this is all coming from love.

Please, be careful!

- Oh, Kimberly. You ain't gotta worry about it.

Ain't gonna be no buns up in this here oven, baby,

'cause this bakery's been closed since the Clinton administration!

[**]

- Ocean, why are you so quiet, baby?

- Just got a few things on my mind.

- Well, is there anything I can do, boo?

- I'm just a little bummed about this car I'm supposed to be getting.

- Well, what seems to be the problem?

I can't have my favorite body of water

out there all upset!

- Well...

..let's just say I'm a little short,

and I don't mean my height.

- Oh, I understand.

Back in my day we used to say,

"You're money's funny and your credit won't get it."

- Exactly!

But yours might.

Which is why...

..I was wondering if you'd cosign a car for me.

- Are you serious?

[**]

[**]

- Man, baby, this is really happening, huh?

- Oh, of course it is!

[Knocks on Door] Oh!

- Oh, that's the guy, huh?

- Hello!

- Hi, I'm Charles from the Porsche dealership.

I have a delivery scheduled to this address for Lucille?

- Oh, well I'm Lucille, come on in!

Now, this is Ocean.

He'll be the driver, I'm just here to sign things.

- Well, I gotta say.

Don't meet too many mothers who buy their grown-ass son a new 911.

- No, no, no, oh, I'm sorry, sorry.

This is not my, it's not my mom.

This is my lady.

- Oh. - Yeah.

- Oh, oh! - Yeah, yeah!

- Oh, I am so sorry.

I meant no disrespect.

- Well, don't act like that's the first time we've heard that, of course.

Um, baby?

Can you go in the back and get my glasses out of my purse, please?

- Go get the glasses? - Yes!

Bye-bye!

Ahem.

- Really, I meant no harm, really.

Clearly, you and the young fella are going steady.

- Oh, not yet, but he is fun

and he just makes me feel so young.

- Fair enough.

Um...

It's none of my business, but you seem like a nice lady.

Just be careful.

These situations can get sticky.

- What situation are you talking about?

- Well, we're in the middle of a "City Boys" epidemic.

That's where young guys who have nothing to offer but their looks

scam mature women out of all their money.

- Oh, that's awful!

- Oh, it is.

These young, handsome devils worldwide

just euthanizing the morale of mature women by the masses.

I just didn't want you to fall for the okey-doke, Lucille.

- Well, come on, now.

I was born at night, but not last night!

Come on, I'll see you out.

- Thank you.

- Babe.

Where'd the guy go?

- Well, uh, he left.

But, baby.

I need to talk to you.

- What's going on?

- Well, our time together has been transcending.

- Yeah. - But I don't think I can go through

with this car situation.

- (stammers) Whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait...

Don't just switch up on me now, Lu, what's going on?

- Well, I'm not, but Ocean.

It's just way too expensive!

- Listen, when we got together, I just,

I was under the impression that you was, like, a grown woman with a bag.

Now, it's giving, like, little lady with a lunchbox.

- Oh, Ocean, I have money.

Hey, how about a used car?

- Used?

Like you?!

(laughs) That's crazy!

- First of all, this is what you call vintage.

And let me tell you something Mr. Ocean with your little lake motion.

I have been more than nice to you,

and I will not stand here while you disrespect me in my own business!

Well, my family's place of business, but anyway.

Still, if this is the way you feel,

you can leave.

- So, just leave, huh? - Yeah, just leave!

(sings) Leave!

- Okay, you ain't got to worry about me!

'Cause you know what they say.

What one granny won't do, the next big momma will!

- That next big momma gonna tell your ass to get a damn job!

- Whatever! - Get out of my place!

[**]

- No, 'cause if my check is short again, I'm gon' quit.

It's what they owe me.

- Hey Mia, can you go call my goddaughter?

She told me to come over here, it was really urgent.

- Yeah, um, Aaliyah's in the back, I'll go grab her.

- Thank you. - I'll be right back.

- Oh, well if it ain't the thief of bad beats.

- That's fair. I deserve that.

- Yeah, you deserve everything you got coming to you.

- Look, I know you don't believe me but for the thousandth time,

Uncle Nigel, I didn't know that you actually helped write the song

but I do understand your FOMO.

- Hey now, wait a minute. All the boots I knocked,

they had heels on 'em. Stiletto, boy!

Better ask somebody. - No, FOMO!

"Fear of missing out"?

- Oh! Yeah, okay. - Yeah.

Look, I'm sorry I belittled your contribution.

It clearly was a vital part to the song.

- You damn right it was.

- And I shouldn't have questioned the legitimacy of your writing credit.

But I'm hoping there's some room for redemption.

The O'Rizzinators and I are gonna be in the studio tonight

and we'd be honored if you joined us.

- Me? - Yeah!

We're working on our new song, "From Big Backs to BBL's"

and we think you'd be perfect on the bridge.

- You know what? Okay. Count me in!

- Let's do it. - Let's do it!

- Alright, so I take it that the hug means that we're all good, right?

- Yeah. - Yeah, we're all good,

as long as I own half.

- Half?!

- Boy, this ain't slavery. Half!

- Just take the deal.

- Deal! Alright!

[**]

- Ooh, alright.

This reunion is good and messy.

- Yes, it is. I'm about to go grab some popcorn,

I will be right back. - Okay, baby.

- You know, I'm glad that Pam got rid of Calvin.

He was young and fun,

but that type ain't meant for the long run.

[Both] Don't we know it!

[Doorbell Rings] - Oh!

- Oh, see... [Indistinct]

- Hey!

- You look amazing.

- Oh, thank you.

- You ready? - I'm ready.

I'll see y'all later!

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