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1
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,433
Boy, what's the matter
with sitcoms these days?
2
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,300
Where's the new Arnold the Pigs?
3
00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:26,867
The new Barney Fifes?
4
00:01:26,934 --> 00:01:29,133
Where's the Gradys
from Sanford and Son?
5
00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:31,066
Take this guy.
6
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:34,867
All he's done for the last 20 minutes
is talk about which toothbrush is his.
7
00:01:34,934 --> 00:01:38,333
Yeah, like a real man
would use a toothbrush.
8
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,967
See what else is on.
9
00:01:42,033 --> 00:01:43,667
Well, this looks good.
10
00:01:43,734 --> 00:01:46,934
This is the new Barnaby Jones
reunion show.
11
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,600
Dad, that's the new
Rolling Stones video.
12
00:01:52,633 --> 00:01:55,967
That's not Buddy Ebsen,
that's Keith Richards.
13
00:01:57,166 --> 00:02:00,433
I thought he looked
a little old for Buddy Ebsen.
14
00:02:02,066 --> 00:02:05,000
The Home Shopping Network.
Boy, this is a good idea for women.
15
00:02:05,066 --> 00:02:07,367
It was a little too tough
driving to the mall...
16
00:02:07,433 --> 00:02:09,367
...with a couch strapped to their ass.
17
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,066
Which reminds me,
Peggy's still in Wanker County, right?
18
00:02:18,133 --> 00:02:19,467
Yep, but not for long.
19
00:02:19,533 --> 00:02:23,533
Not since the doctor put her mom
on a no-salt-lick diet.
20
00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:26,867
She should be back on all fours
any minute now.
21
00:02:28,133 --> 00:02:32,867
That's good.
Oh, look, white-trash collector plates.
22
00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:35,767
I'm glad Peg's not here to see this.
23
00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:40,033
Our first call is from Wanker County,
Wisconsin.
24
00:02:41,066 --> 00:02:46,066
Yes. I'd like to order the Roger Clinton
service for eight, please.
25
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,867
Now, that comes
with matching spittoons, right?
26
00:02:49,934 --> 00:02:53,066
It's amazing. They don't even
have gravity in Wanker County...
27
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:55,667
...but they get
the Home Shopping Network.
28
00:02:56,166 --> 00:03:00,266
Yes, and I'd also like
the Gillooly soup tureens.
29
00:03:05,734 --> 00:03:09,633
Now available,
original tapes of the British TV series...
30
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:12,100
...The Avengers.
31
00:03:12,166 --> 00:03:13,667
That butt.
32
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:16,400
I'd know that butt anywhere.
That's Emma Peel.
33
00:03:16,467 --> 00:03:19,233
Those are-- Those are Peel cheeks.
34
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:22,467
Peel. Peel. Peel.
35
00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:25,300
Emma Peel's the one
that wore the really tight jumpsuits.
36
00:03:25,367 --> 00:03:27,133
And kicked really high.
37
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:32,266
Thereby allowing us to see every
single nuance and fold in her body.
38
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,633
-Jefferson, I've gotta order this.
-To the phones.
39
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,700
Has it occurred
to either of you rutabagas...
40
00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:41,300
...that the woman
may be pushing 200 by now?
41
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:43,734
Pounds and years.
42
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,667
That's why you look at them on tape.
43
00:03:45,734 --> 00:03:49,400
If I only had to look at your mother
on tape, I'd still be having sex with her.
44
00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,100
Hey, Daddy.
45
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,033
-Can I have $200?
-No, you can't, pumpkin.
46
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,266
We have to save everything
for the essentials.
47
00:03:57,333 --> 00:03:58,734
You know, food, clothing--
48
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,500
Hello? Yes, I'd like to order
the new Emma Peel tape, please.
49
00:04:02,567 --> 00:04:05,800
And do you have one
where she kicks really high?
50
00:04:06,967 --> 00:04:08,266
Bud?
51
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:09,934
Do I look like I'm made of money?
52
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:14,066
Well, just that roll of dimes
you keep in your pants.
53
00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:17,433
Those are quarters. I mean--
54
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,500
I don't-- I don't know
what you're talking about.
55
00:04:23,567 --> 00:04:25,433
Please, it's only $200.
56
00:04:25,934 --> 00:04:28,934
Kelly, I work at the Department
of Vehicle Services.
57
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,433
How much money do you think I make
riding around in a car all day?
58
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:33,834
And remember...
59
00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:36,367
...I'm upright and in the front seat.
60
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,266
Please? I need it to help me
get a beer commercial.
61
00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,667
-Budweiser?
-No. Ice Hole.
62
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,533
-Just asking, slut.
-No. No.
63
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,533
Ice Hole is the name of the beer.
64
00:04:58,133 --> 00:05:00,133
It's one of those
new microbrewery beers.
65
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,934
They're having auditions
for spokesmodels in a couple days.
66
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,033
This could be
the biggest thing in my life.
67
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,834
And before you know it,
I'll be living it up in Hollywood.
68
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,533
Getting in slap fights
with Shannen Doherty...
69
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,734
...and having my ass grabbed
by Bob Barker.
70
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:19,734
Yeah, yeah, do you have one
where she's soaking wet?
71
00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:24,734
Or one where she's freezing,
freezing cold?
72
00:05:25,967 --> 00:05:29,600
Why, yes, I do sell women's shoes.
How did you know that?
73
00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:36,066
Listen. The pictures are only $300
and I only have $100.
74
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,433
-You have a hundred bucks?
-Yes.
75
00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,266
I know where you might
get your pictures done for 100 bucks.
76
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:46,066
Yeah, me too,
but I don't wanna be in Jugs Magazine.
77
00:05:46,734 --> 00:05:48,266
Okay. Okay.
78
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,266
I know another place.
79
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,633
You know, I just might be able
to help you out.
80
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:53,867
Well, okay.
81
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:57,734
But remember, these have to be the
kind of pictures that bring out my best.
82
00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,533
And smile.
83
00:06:03,066 --> 00:06:05,934
Beautiful. I love it. Turn, turn.
84
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,767
Beautiful.
85
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:15,100
Very sexy. Very beautiful.
86
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,900
Oh, yeah.
87
00:06:19,767 --> 00:06:21,066
Bud.
88
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:22,800
Bud.
89
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:24,533
You know what today is?
90
00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:27,767
National blue shirt
and brown pants day?
91
00:06:28,967 --> 00:06:30,533
Really?
92
00:06:33,066 --> 00:06:34,967
That's not gonna affect the mail, is it?
93
00:06:35,033 --> 00:06:37,700
Because I'm expecting
my Emma Peel tape today.
94
00:06:38,266 --> 00:06:41,633
Did I tell you
she could kick really, really high?
95
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,367
Daddy.
96
00:06:46,467 --> 00:06:48,467
Daddy, I got the commercial!
97
00:06:48,533 --> 00:06:50,900
I'm the new Ice Hole girl.
Isn't that exciting?
98
00:06:50,967 --> 00:06:53,734
It sure is. Sweetheart,
did you see the mailman out there?
99
00:06:54,467 --> 00:06:57,333
This could be my big break.
Aren't you even gonna be excited?
100
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,867
Honey, yes, I'm excited for you,
but you know me...
101
00:06:59,934 --> 00:07:02,734
...I don't get all gushy
and emotional.
102
00:07:04,266 --> 00:07:05,266
The tape's here.
103
00:07:08,834 --> 00:07:11,033
Give me that! Give me!
104
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,467
Wait a second, Jefferson.
This isn't an Emma Peel Avengers.
105
00:07:17,533 --> 00:07:20,333
This is a Linda "We-Couldn't-
Get-Anybody-Else-to-Do-the-Show"...
106
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,633
...Thorson Avengers.
107
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:23,934
Jefferson, we've been hornswoggled.
108
00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:25,467
To the phones.
109
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:33,367
You know, Kel, it's a wonder
we turned out as well as we did.
110
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:41,166
Well, I guess it's just me
and Buck now.
111
00:07:43,033 --> 00:07:46,033
If I could call a cab,
it would just be you.
112
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,066
Well, listen here, you carpetbaggers.
113
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,700
It's been over two weeks
and I'm still without Peel.
114
00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,967
Now, I'm going to whoever
regulates you people.
115
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,066
Who is that anyway?
116
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:05,600
"Absolutely no one."
117
00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,800
What is their number?
118
00:08:09,867 --> 00:08:13,867
"1-800-Bite-Me."
119
00:08:15,266 --> 00:08:16,867
Gotcha.
120
00:08:17,934 --> 00:08:20,333
Daddy, I'm ruined.
121
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,567
My life is even more worthless
than yours.
122
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,967
Well, how could that possibly be?
123
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:28,934
Well, what about the commercial?
124
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,900
-There's not gonna be a commercial.
-Why?
125
00:08:31,967 --> 00:08:34,533
I've got a zit.
126
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:49,800
Look at it, Daddy.
127
00:08:49,867 --> 00:08:52,867
It's the size of the Earth itself.
128
00:08:52,934 --> 00:08:55,033
This is the first zit
I've had in my life...
129
00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:57,433
...and the commercial's
the day after tomorrow.
130
00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,900
Don't worry, Kelly.
You can hardly see it.
131
00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:03,767
-You mean it?
-Yes, pumpkin. Trust me.
132
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,567
-No one will ever notice it.
-Okay.
133
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,800
Whoa, look at the size of that zit!
134
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,834
Before that baby blows...
135
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,834
...better warn the villagers
living at the base of your feet.
136
00:09:23,233 --> 00:09:26,100
Bud, don't you see
that your sister's in pain?
137
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,200
Try to be a little more sensitive.
138
00:09:28,266 --> 00:09:31,467
Sweetheart, that thing's not gonna leak
all over Daddy's shirt, is it?
139
00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:34,867
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
140
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:40,834
I probably got this from you,
you know.
141
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,667
What else am I gonna get from you?
142
00:09:42,734 --> 00:09:45,967
What, I'm gonna wake up tomorrow
and my bed's gonna be wet...
143
00:09:46,033 --> 00:09:48,834
...and I can't find
my jammie bottoms?
144
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:52,967
If you really wanna go on TV,
145
00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:57,433
you could draw a little face on your zit
and go on Montel as Siamese twins.
146
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,333
Al?
147
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:03,700
Jefferson, can't you see that I'm trying
to comfort my daughter here?
148
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:07,734
-It's about Emma Peel.
-Excuse me, pumpkin.
149
00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:10,300
What's up?
150
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:13,433
They admitted that they don't have
an Avengers with Emma Peel...
151
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,233
...but they did offer a substitute.
152
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:17,266
No. No deal.
153
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,133
-It's Peel or nothing.
-It's The Three Stooges.
154
00:10:20,834 --> 00:10:23,166
Oh, happy day.
155
00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:31,367
Pick two.
156
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:46,033
Well, you're obviously
in good hands here.
157
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,834
I'm gonna go
and start my homework...
158
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:51,266
...before they start grabbing
each other's noses with pliers.
159
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,934
Too late.
160
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,300
-Aren't you gonna answer that?
-No.
161
00:11:00,367 --> 00:11:03,967
-I was happy, that means it's Peg.
-Well, you don't know that.
162
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,633
Hello? It's Mom.
163
00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:12,533
Hi, Mom, I'm so glad you called.
164
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,333
How's everything going, honey?
165
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,900
It's terrible. I've got a huge pimple.
166
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:20,600
An actual Bud Bundy growing
from my forehead.
167
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:25,333
Well, you know, Uncle Sticky's
getting out of the pen today.
168
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,734
You want him to make you up
a batch of his pimple potion?
169
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:33,166
I thought Uncle Sticky's potion
is what got him sent to prison.
170
00:11:33,767 --> 00:11:36,066
It did. But I thought
you were desperate.
171
00:11:36,133 --> 00:11:38,667
No, no, no. I am, I am.
How soon can you get it here?
172
00:11:38,734 --> 00:11:40,033
Tomorrow.
173
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:44,233
Cousin Zimo is running a truckload
of illegal fireworks to Peoria.
174
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,233
-I'll have him drop it off in the morning.
-Cool.
175
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,600
-You wanna talk to Grandma?
-Sure.
176
00:11:50,967 --> 00:11:52,433
Hey, Dad.
177
00:11:53,367 --> 00:11:54,667
Dad.
178
00:11:54,734 --> 00:11:57,000
Mom's gonna send me some
homemade pimple stuff.
179
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,667
From Uncle Sticky, sweetheart?
180
00:11:59,734 --> 00:12:01,867
You remember Uncle Sticky's face,
honey?
181
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:04,533
It's where we used to keep our keys.
182
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,900
Pumpkin, I'm afraid you're gonna have
to not do this commercial.
183
00:12:08,967 --> 00:12:12,300
-Yeah, how much would you be losing?
-Two thousand dollars.
184
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,834
You will do this commercial
if it kills you.
185
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,734
Remember, nothing good
ever came out of Wanker County...
186
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,066
...including your mother.
187
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:22,367
So, now, here. Listen.
This is all the money that I've got.
188
00:12:22,433 --> 00:12:25,734
Go to a pharmacy
and get some real medicine.
189
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,300
Outside?
190
00:12:27,367 --> 00:12:29,467
But, Dad,
what if somebody sees my pimple?
191
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:32,266
Pumpkin, it's dark.
No one's gonna see the pimple.
192
00:12:32,333 --> 00:12:34,233
I guess you're right.
193
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:37,767
I guess I'm just being, silly, huh?
194
00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:41,600
Whoa, look at the zits
on the blond chick.
195
00:12:43,667 --> 00:12:46,433
Thank God he didn't see the pimple,
huh?
196
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:57,433
Two grand and The Three Stooges.
For a dead man, I'm awfully happy.
197
00:12:59,367 --> 00:13:02,200
You know my women's group and I
are going to protest.
198
00:13:02,266 --> 00:13:04,633
What? The Stooges?
199
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,867
If you don't like them, how come you
keep getting your hair cut like Moe?
200
00:13:13,266 --> 00:13:16,333
Not that, you primordial ooze.
201
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:20,567
It has come to my attention
that Kelly is the new Ice Hole Beer girl.
202
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,533
Now, you have done
some low things before...
203
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,300
...but to allow your own daughter
to flaunt her body to sell beer...
204
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,333
...that's low even for you.
205
00:13:30,867 --> 00:13:32,133
Jefferson.
206
00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:35,233
She's right, Al.
207
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:39,834
Marcy, let me explain
something to you:
208
00:13:47,133 --> 00:13:49,333
Oh, that's very funny.
209
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,667
She's right, Al.
210
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:59,467
But unlike evolution,
I am not letting you off the hook, Al.
211
00:14:00,066 --> 00:14:01,533
Now, can you please tell me...
212
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,567
...what a woman's body
has to do with selling beer?
213
00:14:05,233 --> 00:14:07,633
All right. Number one...
214
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:09,166
...if it wasn't for beer...
215
00:14:09,233 --> 00:14:12,800
...there'd be at least three people who
probably wouldn't even be married.
216
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,166
Me...
217
00:14:16,667 --> 00:14:18,166
...Jefferson...
218
00:14:20,333 --> 00:14:23,567
...and probably Lisa Marie Presley.
219
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:31,633
And number two...
220
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,233
...since men buy beer...
221
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,233
...advertisers have to cater
to what we want, and--
222
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,934
Hold on to your corncob pipe.
223
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,367
--we like pretty women.
224
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:47,200
Ergo, pretty women sell good products,
ugly women sell...tennis rackets.
225
00:14:48,033 --> 00:14:52,266
Pretty women, cars.
Ugly women, mini vans.
226
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,066
Pretty women make us buy beer...
227
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:57,433
...ugly women make us drink beer.
228
00:15:04,934 --> 00:15:06,767
And if you were any more of a pig...
229
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:09,734
...kids would be putting coins
in your back.
230
00:15:10,934 --> 00:15:13,767
Now, I promise you,
this will not go unanswered.
231
00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:17,300
My women's group and I
will be on the Ice Hole set to protest.
232
00:15:17,367 --> 00:15:21,867
Will they be wearing dainty little
overalls and matching caterpillar caps?
233
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:23,934
Some will.
234
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,266
Will you be wearing
your usual foot odor...
235
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:28,767
...with matching aura of failure?
236
00:15:31,433 --> 00:15:33,033
Pick two.
237
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,467
One, two.
238
00:15:37,433 --> 00:15:41,567
Jefferson, you don't think I'm wrong
for having Kelly do this, do you?
239
00:15:41,633 --> 00:15:45,467
Well, Al, she'll probably be parading
around half-naked...
240
00:15:45,533 --> 00:15:50,066
...to sell cheap beer to a bunch
of leering, screaming yahoos.
241
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:54,367
You know, you're right, buddy,
it's a tough call.
242
00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:58,133
You wanna go to the nudie bar
and think about it?
243
00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,367
Okay.
244
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:46,433
Well, there's only
one thing left to do.
245
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,533
Remember...
246
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:56,600
...nothing good
ever came out of Wanker County.
247
00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:59,467
Yeah, but how often are you right?
248
00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:01,400
Good point.
249
00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:22,100
Use our minds, not behinds
Use our minds, not behinds
250
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:27,934
Use our minds, not behinds
Use our minds, not behinds
251
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,900
Well, let me see.
What part are you gonna be playing?
252
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:34,800
Handsome romantic lead or Eskimo?
253
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,266
Take a guess.
254
00:17:37,333 --> 00:17:39,433
Welcome aboard, Nanuk.
255
00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:43,967
-Let's see, where's that--?
-Hi, there.
256
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:48,300
You're not here for the handsome
romantic lead, are you?
257
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,467
I don't play that at home.
258
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:55,033
Look, we're running late here.
Has anybody seen the Bundy babe?
259
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,333
Women are not babes.
260
00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:01,166
I thought we nixed the sea lions
for this commercial.
261
00:18:02,266 --> 00:18:03,734
We heard that.
262
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,033
Listen, don't mind them.
I keyed their pickups on the way in.
263
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,367
I'm Al. I'm Kelly's father.
264
00:18:10,433 --> 00:18:13,834
She had a blemish.
It made her a little nervous.
265
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,367
And against her father's wishes...
266
00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:18,533
...she used some stuff
that was cooked up...
267
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:22,667
...by my idiot wife's idiot relatives and,
well, there were some mild side effects.
268
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:26,133
Nothing that can't be solved
with creative lighting, but--
269
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,433
Well, you guys are the experts,
so why don't you tell me.
270
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:30,834
Pumpkin.
271
00:18:47,533 --> 00:18:50,867
Well, that was a short day.
272
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,266
This is our spokesmodel? This?
273
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:59,300
We're selling beer here, fella,
not Lucky Charms.
274
00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:02,233
I need someone gorgeous
to sell this crap.
275
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:03,633
Thank you.
276
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:05,133
This should be a slam-dunk...
277
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:08,033
...multi-million-dollar
discrimination lawsuit.
278
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,133
-Discrimination suit?
-Yes. I am Marcy D'Arcy...
279
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:14,633
...here on behalf of the Coalition
for the Aesthetically Challenged.
280
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,266
"Challenged"?
281
00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:20,166
I'd say, "Defeated, exiled
and left for dead."
282
00:19:23,567 --> 00:19:25,734
You mind repeating that?
283
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,033
As a matter of fact...
284
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,133
...I do.
285
00:19:32,567 --> 00:19:36,834
Anyway, you will use Kelly
in this commercial, as she is...
286
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:40,934
...or we will slap the biggest lawsuit
on you that you have ever had.
287
00:19:41,967 --> 00:19:44,633
Could they possibly do that?
Sue on behalf of the ugly?
288
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:46,633
How can they win that?
289
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:48,333
Four words:
290
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:52,567
Attorney General Janet Reno.
291
00:19:59,033 --> 00:20:00,934
When your wife looks like this...
292
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:04,567
...you might as well dive
into an Ice Hole.
293
00:20:05,066 --> 00:20:06,500
Ice Hole Beer.
294
00:20:06,567 --> 00:20:10,066
When it's 2 a.m.
and you gotta do something.
295
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,333
Coming up next on
Business Week In Review:
296
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:18,700
The marketing geniuses behind
the successful media campaign...
297
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:21,066
...for Ice Hole Beer.
298
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:23,967
I'm finally on my way
to fame and fortune.
299
00:20:24,033 --> 00:20:27,633
When this beer takes off nationally
and takes Kelly with it, I'll be rich.
300
00:20:28,233 --> 00:20:30,133
Oh, you mean we'll be rich?
301
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,233
Yeah. Yeah. We'll be rich.
302
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:34,367
Me and Kelly.
303
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:38,066
For once-- And I'm not afraid to say it.
304
00:20:38,133 --> 00:20:40,266
--Al Bundy can't lose.
305
00:20:41,166 --> 00:20:43,433
Well, I was fired.
306
00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:46,834
-Can't win, either.
-What happened?
307
00:20:47,367 --> 00:20:50,500
Well, once my hair grew back
and the beard fell off...
308
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:53,467
...they said I was too pretty
to be doing beer commercials.
309
00:20:53,533 --> 00:20:56,033
Advertisers are so afraid
of good-looking people...
310
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,367
...that the producers
won't even touch me.
311
00:20:58,433 --> 00:21:01,033
Well, they'll touch me,
they just won't hire me.
312
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,000
Dad.
313
00:21:03,066 --> 00:21:04,867
What are we gonna do
about the money?
314
00:21:04,934 --> 00:21:07,133
Well, don't worry,
we'll just ugly her up.
315
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,133
Call Uncle Sticky, tell him
we need something more permanent.
316
00:21:10,633 --> 00:21:12,767
Sweetheart,
don't worry about a thing.
317
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:14,934
When we get done
with your face this time...
318
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,600
...you'll be giving warthogs dry heaves.
319
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,734
Oh, that's so sweet, Daddy.
320
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,767
But it's too late. They already
hired my ugly replacement.
321
00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:27,333
Already? Who?
322
00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:30,834
See for yourself.
Here's the commercial.
323
00:21:35,667 --> 00:21:38,567
Hello. Remember me?
324
00:21:39,066 --> 00:21:42,033
Oh, my God, she's a hundred.
325
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,233
And she's still kicking high.
25450
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