Original subtitles

You're cutting it close.

Still got eight minutes. What'd I get him? Checked suspenders. Remember the

card? Oh, no.

Who's your buddy, huh? Who's your pal?

I am, right?

Good morning, Lois. You're late.

Good morning, Clark.

So what'd you get him?

Checked suspenders.

Didn't you get him those last year?

Yeah.

He liked him, didn't he?

Hello.

Excuse me.

I'm H .G. Wells.

It's quite festive here, you know.

Well, anyway, I've run into a spot of trouble.

You see, I've been travelling with a companion in my time machine, and we've

just come back from the future.

Well, I've left him in the park, actually. If this is a gag, you're dead.

stopped here because... I'm sorry, sir. We're really busy this morning, so we're

going to have to wrap this up. See, time travel, it's not possible.

H .G. Wells wrote fiction, and he died in 1946. I know you're Superman, and I

need your help.

What?

What did he say?

I said, if I could just have a moment of Mr. Kent's time, all his doubts will be

quelled.

Perhaps by meeting my companion from the future?

Yes. Yes, quite.

Look, Lois, there's no reason for both of us to go. There's no reason for one

us to go. Well, so... So what did he really say to you, Clark?

And if you really have a man from the future with you, why did you leave him

the park?

Oh, yes, well, I didn't want him to see the city. You see, the 22nd century is a

peaceful, harmonious utopia.

No violence, no...

Without preparation, poor Tempest would be horrified by the savagery of the

1990s. Oh.

Oh,

yes, yes, yes. Go on.

What just happened here is called mugging.

No kidding.

Took everything but my watch.

Not a very successful mugging, was it?

Let's see if I can do better.

Excellent. I just mugged you.

Are you out of your mind? No.

My century.

No.

So, why did you bring this tempest with you back from the teacher? Well, he

volunteered, actually.

You see, I have... Sort of a club of fellow inventors back in England, and

never been quite able to convince them that my time machine was functional. So,

I wanted to bring tempers back as proof.

What's this?

Tea? Coffee?

I say we cut our losses.

Good idea. Why don't you go back to the office?

How's it work?

Steam power, that's quite good, you know.

What is this?

Oh, so sorry.

You actually believe this guy?

Now, I'm just... What?

Curious. So am I. How did he get your interest all of a sudden? What did he

Miss Lane, there's something you might find interesting.

Utopia was founded by Superman's descendants.

Superman's descendants?

He got married?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, quite.

Here, here, shall we?

And they based their whole society on the values and principles that he lived

by. So who did he marry?

Oh, no, no, no, Miss Lane.

That might be giving a bit too much away.

Joan?

There she is.

So where's your man from the future?

Oh, no.

Well, he must have wanted to look around.

I hope he didn't go far.

I smell a con job.

Let me...

Show you my my problems so perhaps you can get word to Superman Not

a fully understand my predicament. You must first appreciate the intricacies of

the flux facilitator Quite part of it, you know Here

we go you got shotguns your long guns your semi -automatics Semi

-automatics my personal choice for self -protection I keep one here right under

the cash box.

Gives the scum a real surprise they try to rip me off.

Nine millimeter with a 32 -shot stagger clip.

Spits out these puppies as fast as you can squeeze the trigger. Makes you

someone to respect.

How do you load it?

Wham. Bam.

Thank you, ma 'am.

Tell me something.

Those chains you're wearing, are they real gold?

24 carat.

May I? Oh, be my guest.

Hey, what... The tray.

Give them to me.

I don't believe this.

And the ammunition belt, holster, extra clips. Of course.

Excellent. You are, you know, incredibly stupid.

Bless you.

No!

Enter time continuum.

Lois, I'm going to call Jimmy and tell him we're going to be a little bit

longer. Clark.

He always does that.

Well, don't worry, my dear.

Someday you'll understand why.

Are you all right? Does it look like I'm all right?

Sorry. Who did this?

Some psycho, about 6 '3", wearing an aluminum suit, some heavy guns, and a

selection of very tasteful gold chains for men.

I'll send the police.

At which point, you're in danger of a time -flow ripple.

Mr. Wells, what is it you're after exactly?

Oh, quite, quite, didn't I say?

Fuel. What kind of fuel?

Pure 24 -carat gold.

You've got to be kidding.

That's the best you could do?

Miss Lane. So, did you expect that we would just give you all our jewelry or

maybe get Superman to dig you a mine?

Do I have Thucker stamped on my forehead or maybe you think I'm the dumbest

person on the planet?

Or I'm really H .G.

Wells? He is.

Tempest. Hello, Herb.

What are you doing with that horrible weapon?

I'm going on a trip.

And you're driving.

Don't I know you?

I don't think so. Most of my friends are pro -gun control.

Now, wait.

Lois Lane.

Yes. I've seen the holograms.

Well, this is a special pleasure, Miss Lane.

I'm Tempest.

I'm from the future that you and Superman created.

Me and Superman?

A world of peace.

A world with no greed or crime.

A world so boring you'd blow your brains out but there are no guns.

You want to know the future, Miss Lane?

No one works.

No one argues. There are 9 ,000 channels and nothing on.

Well, I intend to do something about that.

Herb, set the time machine for Smallville, 1966.

Smallville? No, we have no fuel.

We have fuel.

One of the many disadvantages of being from Utopia is a complete lack of

technological understanding.

I can't run this machine, but I can run this one.

Now go.

Miss Lane, you seem like an attractive, an interesting woman. I'm almost sorry

I'll be ruining your life.

What are you talking about?

I'm going to kill Superman, of course. Nobody can kill Superman.

Unless you could get hold of him when he was a helpless little baby.

Gee, if only I had a time machine.

You ready, Herb?

You see, Miss Lane, in a world with no Superman, there'll be no utopia in the

future. Just a lot of sex and violence and me.

I think somebody's gone back in time to kill you as a baby.

These must be the plans of the time machine.

Do you think you can build it?

It could take a few hours.

Now all we need is gold.

Unfortunately, I don't think we can afford to buy all we need at current

prices, so I'll be right back.

Lois. Clark, that really was H .G. Wells. I know. And he really had a man

him from the future. I know. Superman just flew off. I know. He gave me this.

He told me all about it.

Where's he?

Uh, he, uh... There's a volcano about to erupt in, uh, China. He wants us to

stop tempers.

Us?

He said time is of the essence.

Jump in.

I hope this thing works.

Don't you think it's odd that we're going to Smallville?

That's your hometown.

Smallville, 1966?

I don't think so.

Unless that's Bob Dylan.

This is my fault. You used an inferior grade of gold.

Obviously affected the time flux facilitator.

However, we are in Smallville.

But a hundred years early, and not a few.

I'd almost think you did it on purpose, Herb, if I thought you had a spine.

Well, let's go.

Where?

See if they got any gold in this here town.

You look quite funny in that hat, you know.

It's Smallville.

Yeah, but the cars.

And the clothes.

Clark.

Look at this.

It worked.

We're here. We're really here.

Do you realize what this means? We could go anywhere.

We could be there when Columbus landed or when Washington crossed the Delaware.

We could cover the greatest stories in history.

Morning, Sam.

Hi.

Wonder what those two want.

They sure didn't ride all this way just for the pretzels.

Marshal Kent been in yet?

Well, well.

Yee -haw.

Guess this is where we belly up to the bar and order.

Yes, quite.

Hello.

Morning. Herb.

Yes, I would like a spot of tea, actually.

This is the red -eye, mister.

We serve whiskey, we serve beer.

Yes, quite.

Another bottle?

That snake -bite rye.

Dollar per.

Keep it in the bag.

I'll just be a sec.

Herb.

How many of these would it take to get out of here?

I don't know. Two, three hundred?

Where can I get more of these?

Well, I got that one down at the bank.

The whole shipment just come in.

Go ahead and take it.

Really?

Of course, you got about five seconds to spend it.

Wait.

I know you.

Well, you're not.

Yes.

Jesse James.

You better back that face right on up, mister. I'm right, aren't I?

That's your brother, Frank.

Well, you two are my inspiration. I've read everything about you.

You must be here to rob the bank.

I don't recall you ever robbing a bank in Smallville.

You're as good with a gun as they say you are.

Wasn't that something?

It really was. That was quite good.

Well, you're good.

You're really good.

You got a future.

Not a very long one, unfortunately, and here's why.

See, no matter how good you are, there's always somebody better.

To wit.

Now, much as I like you both...

You and your brother Frank have any ideas about that bank full of gold?

Get in line.

Boys have something personal against this place.

Great Smallville Gold Robbery?

Must be a reenactment. They just dressed like Tempest in one.

But there was never any Great Smallville Gold Robbery.

Unless... Something went wrong. And they went to 1866.

And they needed gold.

I still don't understand why we're in Smallville.

I think there was an early Superman sighting here.

Really? I never heard that.

Thanks, Mr. Makita. You should get those tools on the way out.

Maybe I shouldn't just put everybody away.

That'll make them pay for damages.

If you arrested everybody who shot up my place, I'd be out of business in two

weeks.

Jesse, it happens to every man once in a while.

Not to me.

It's not your fault.

His was just plain bigger.

Size never made no difference before.

You gotta get your mind off this, Jesse, or it could affect your future

performance.

Well, now, here's a little something ought to perk a man's spirit right up.

Yeah, appreciate it.

Anything diet?

Do you have real cola yet?

Just give me a sarsaparilla.

If you're looking for work, that's not the kind of saloon I run.

Clark.

I don't believe it.

Clark, I think we're talking to your great - My great -great -grandparents.

Now wait a minute. You're Miss Martha.

And -and Marshall Kent.

How many more weirdos are we gonna get in here today?

Uh, weirdos?

There were other strange people in here today?

Mm -hmm.

The ones that did that?

They've been here.

So they're friends of yours?

No, not exactly.

Do you know where they are?

Gone.

Which is exactly where we'd like you and the naked lady.

Naked? Oh, well, I'm not naked. These are just new fashions from France.

Do you have any idea where they are? I think they had some banking business to

do.

Jesse, you're sounding bitter.

We've got to do something about this.

I think I know where they are.

Bye.

Brother, you're right. It's time to get back in the saddle.

Folks, this here's a holdup.

Lois, will you go back inside? I will not.

Is that... Shut up. You're boring.

Oh, no.

Those are your ancestors.

If something happens to them... Stay here. I'll be right back.

But Kempis!

My pleasure, ma 'am. The marshal's been hit.

Is there a doctor in town? He went back east. The closest doctor is Kansas City.

That's four days' ride.

Call the deputy. Have him arrest these two men.

What are you going to do?

Take him to Kansas City.

Herb, would you work faster with a few bullets in you?

Rarely, Thomas.

One could become quite tired of your jokes.

I'm not joking.

Hurry.

Miss Lay, what are you doing here?

Well, I grabbed on to the back of this machine before it,

you know, poof.

Yes, yes, yes, quite. If she did, she would have been caught in the...

The poof, the interdimensional vortex.

Yes. And you came alone?

Yes.

Well, Lois Lane, independent career woman of the 1990s, you're about

to be stranded in 1866 without the right to vote, own property, or write

for a great metropolitan newspaper.

God, I love irony.

So sorry, Miss Lane. I wish I'd never invented this contraption. Keep loading

the gold.

If you want to kill Superman, I don't know why you're going to Smallville or

1966.

She doesn't know yet.

Oh, this is good.

This is really good.

Um, Lois, did you know that in the future you're revered at the same level

Superman? But there are books about you, statues, an interactive game. You're

even a breakfast cereal.

Really? Yes.

But as much as everybody loves you, there is one question that keeps coming

How dumb was she?

Here, I'll show you what I mean.

Look, I'm Clark Kent.

No. I'm Superman.

Mild -mannered reporter.

Superhero.

Hello?

Duh.

Clark Kent is Superman.

Well, that was worth the whole trip to actually meet the most galactically

stupid woman who ever lived.

Come on, Herb. Clark and Luperman are dead.

The future belongs to me.

Lois, you're all right. I thought that... Don't pretend that hurt,

It all started because I wanted to lead a normal life.

Friends, a job, a girl.

Lois, I knew that I couldn't do that if everybody knew.

People would be mobbing me all the time.

Lois, come on. You haven't said a word since 1866.

You are the lowest form of life imaginable.

Not what I was hoping for, but I get the start.

You're a liar. There's nothing worse.

Lois, I did not lie to you.

I just told you certain facts to keep you from finding out about certain other

facts. You know, you ought to run for president.

Oh, but you can't. You weren't born here. Then again, you could just lie.

Look at you right now, renting a car. That's a big, fat lie. What do you need

car for? You're Superman.

I think we should keep as low a profile as we can.

Anything that we change in our past could really affect our future. Well,

always have an answer for everything. You're good, Clark. You're really good.

No, actually, I'm not, Lois.

I have hated not being able to tell you this.

I mean, you think it was easy for me sitting there and watch you swoon over

Superman at the same time ignoring me?

That's ridiculous. You are Superman.

No. Lois, Superman is what I can do.

Clark is who I am.

And the closer we've gotten, the more I've wanted to explain this to you, but

just kept getting so complicated.

Well, you've obviously had more time to think about this than I have, so why

don't you answer one question for me? How can I ever trust you again?

Glasses, secret identity.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

Just like the history books, sir. Yes. Right down to the remnants of the

exploding planet sucked along the path of the shipyard.

Otherwise known as Kryptonite.

Open it.

Hello, Junior.

And it was partly for your protection.

Don't patronize me.

I'm not patronizing you. If you knew and somebody found out that you knew, you'd

have been a target.

What do you think I am, galactically stupid?

You are the smartest woman that I know.

And I never wanted to hurt you in any way.

And if what I did was wrong, then I apologize.

But I can't change what I've done.

Wait a minute.

We're here.

Where? This is Schuster's Field, where the ship landed. Come on.

I think we're early.

Mom and Dad used to say that it was night when they were driving along and

saw what they thought looked like a meteor.

Here.

What?

Nothing. Just all those times you pretended you couldn't hit, couldn't

couldn't open a peanut butter jar by yourself.

Lois, do the words let it go mean anything to you?

What?

I don't know. I feel kind of weak, like there's kryptonite around.

But that would mean that the ship would already have to have landed.

Clark, look.

It can't be.

Tempest.

Well, we...

Well, if I remember my Kent history from college, this should be Rocky Cove, a

nice safe place to spend some quality time with our child. Just put him right

there.

Here, little one.

Don't rest.

You know, I... I won't let you hurt him.

I will fight you with my last breath.

Really? I swear it.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry. Can't have you swearing in front of a baby.

What are we going to say?

You'll think of something.

You're good at that.

Yeah, right.

Hi, uh... Did you find a baby in a spaceship?

Hello?

Are you all right?

Oh, yeah.

He's just really tired.

We've been doing a lot of traveling.

Oh, well, I know just what'll fix you up.

Nothing like buttermilk for what ails you.

That's what my husband Jonathan always says. What am I being accused of saying?

Oh, jeez. Oh, I'm really sorry.

You both look so young.

Well, it's all right. Don't worry about it. Yeah, but I know how clean you like

to keep things.

Oh, what he means is that it's obvious that you keep your house in need of the

pen.

Excuse me, folks.

Martha, did you hear anything about Schuster selling his field?

No. That's odd, because I just saw a couple of weird -looking city fellas up

his place. Oh, yeah, Jonathan, let's not talk business. We have company.

This is my husband, Jonathan.

Now, what brings you two folks out this way?

Well... We were, um... Looking for something.

Like what?

You didn't happen to find a baby, did you?

No,

Martha.

It's just... I'm not able to have children.

We can't.

But I know that if I were to find a baby, I would be the most grateful

woman in the world.

And the world's best mom.

How about some more buttermilk? Oh.

You've been very kind, but we're on sort of a tight schedule, aren't we?

Yeah.

Dad... Sir, I'm sorry. You were saying something about Schuster's Field?

Oh, you don't have to be polite.

Oh, he's not.

I mean, he... Did you see some people there?

Yeah, two city fellas. I thought they were buyers.

Weird looking.

Do you know where they were headed?

They headed up to Rocky Cove on foot. We better go.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I hope you find who you're looking for.

You too.

I don't know how I know this, but I don't think his color's quite right.

He's getting sick.

Don't worry.

I'll take good care of him.

Are you okay?

Just tired.

I've never seen you look so pale, even from kryptonite. I'll be fine. I just

need to rest a little bit.

Look, I'm sorry I was so hard on you before about, you know...

Must have been really hard all those years, having to hide and pretend,

not being able to share.

I'm sorry you had to go through that alone.

I wasn't alone, Rose.

I always had my parents.

And you.

Maybe there were a lot of things that I couldn't say, but there was nothing I

couldn't feel.

I just gotta wake up here. You know, we're miles from the Kryptonite. You

shouldn't be feeling this.

Clark, your hands.

It's Tempest.

He must be changing the path.

Don't do this, Tempest.

What, Herb?

I'm not doing a thing.

This may be like a tiny new kryptonite, huh?

Well, you just play with it all you want.

Over there.

What's happening to you?

In a minute, I won't even exist.

You're going to have to go without me.

And make pointless your birth.

The world will spin on false super decree.

And the future belongs to people like

me.

Won't be long now.

You really think you can destroy utopia by killing a child?

Well, as you can see, Herb, I'm giving it my best. Oh, you're a fool.

A world of peace will always be man's ultimate goal.

Herb, did your books actually sell?

Because you're kind of a bore.

Which brings me to my next question.

What am I going to do with you, huh?

I could just leave you here to starve, but no, you might get away, build

time machine.

Obviously, I've got to kill you, but how?

Something suitable.

Something ironic, like what I did to Lois. That was good.

I know. A utopian execution.

I'll bore you to death.

How did you get here?

Another time machine.

Where is it?

You will tell me.

You like violence so much? Come

on, let's see what you got.

Hate to tell you, but you hit like a girl.

Miss Lane, the baby. The baby is here. It's you.

I'm not very... I'm not very good with... Oh, you will be. You will be.

Lane, just hold it. Hold it there.

Yes, and keep him close.

Hello.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Uh -oh.

Show off.

Clark.

Are you all right?

I'm fine. I was so afraid that you... It's all right.

Everything's all right.

I couldn't stand the idea that I might lose you, and I'd never get to tell you

how much I never get to say. Oh, please.

I'll go to jail. I'll strap myself into the electric chair. Just don't make me

listen to this.

It's almost night.

I've got to go.

I've always wanted to do this in front of you.

He looks like you.

I hope so.

Time to go, pal.

Now I just need to show Mom and Dad where to find us.

Sit tight, little fella, and I'll be here to get you.

That look like a meteor over and shoot your field

My

lord

There we go.

Hello, hello.

What's the matter, my dear?

You've been to the future, Mr. Wells. Is it true what Tempeth said about me? Oh,

yes. You're as highly revered as any woman in history.

Oh.

No, I meant about... being galactically stupid.

No, no, Miss Lane, not stupid.

Blind. It is one of the many things that makes your story so timeless.

My children never tire of hearing it at bedtime. My parents never outgrow it.

Generation after generation, we are all blinded by love, Miss Lane.

Especially that one great love that changes us forever.

Oh, excuse me, but I'm in danger of choking on my own vomit.

Everything's all right. The Kents have the baby. Oh, good, good, good. Then we

can start to make things right. Superman, you and Lois, meet me at the

time machine.

Where are you going?

Well, see to it, Mr. Tempest causes no more trouble.

Superman, as long as I have you here, just answer one thing for me.

Why time?

Why a cape?

You're a grown man. Don't you feel ridiculous my mother made it

Clark, you got a little schmutz here on your

ass.

It's gonna feel as weird to you as it does to me.

Knowing that you're Superman for now?

Oh, I'm afraid that can't be, Miss Lane. Not just yet, anyway.

We've tampered with history enough.

It's a little bit late.

No, no, not at all. I'll simply drop each of you back before I ever showed

That way you'll both remember nothing, and none of this will have ever

Is that what you did with Tempest?

Oh, no.

Mr. Tempest was such a lover of irony, I decided to give him a lifetime of it.

How so? By granting a miswish.

To live in a violent, hellish dystopia.

Mislaid.

future. I have to get out of here so I can build another time machine.

Hey!

Anybody listening to me?

Hey!

Cutting is close.

I still got eight minutes before I get him and don't tell me check suspenders.

How'd you know?

Morning,

Lois. You late?

Morning, Clark.

I'm having the weirdest feeling of deja vu.

Don't tell me you got him checked suspenders again.

How did you know?

Well, you got him that last year, didn't you?

No, Clark, I'm serious.

Well, now that you mention it, it does feel like we've done all this before.

Oh, no, I forgot to get the card. Jimmy!

Oh, here it is.

How'd that get there?

You were holding it for me. It's my card, remember?

No, I don't.

Come to think of it, I don't even like cards. It just sort of slows down that

whole getting to the present thing, you know what I mean?

What?

What were you thinking?

Man.