Original subtitles

Hi, honey.

Welcome home. You're home early.

And look, she brought me flowers.

How was your day, my busy little reporter?

My busy, busy little reporter.

Yeah.

A little picture of her where she's not so, you know, clothed.

Grow up. I meant smug.

Excuse me, would you mind switching it from freeze to photo flash?

Say freeze baby.

Very nice.

All right, come on, let's go. But we didn't find what we came to look for.

Maybe that's because it's not here.

Oh, can I have one of these, please?

I love these.

Oh, come on, she has another one. Can I have one?

Out.

Lois, where have you been? I've been trying to get a hold of you. You won't

believe this. The prankster broke out of jail.

I know.

Griffin and his beady -eyed friend were waiting for me when I got home. They

were in your apartment?

They must have been looking for something. The place was a mess. Nothing

missing. Are you all right?

Yeah, I guess so.

Chief!

Chief, you better take a look at this.

What is this?

It was the weirdest thing. I walked into my apartment and there was this intense

yellow light. And you don't remember a thing that happened after that?

How did you know?

The same thing happened at the state penitentiary. That's how Griffin and

broke out of jail.

They froze a guard in a laundry room and they left him in his underwear in a

dryer.

What is with me and people breaking into my apartment and flashing lights in my

eyes? Well, you know, Lois, this doesn't bode well for your interview with the

president. Why?

Well, the White House probably won't be too excited about exposing the president

to the prankster. Clark, the president is coming to Metropolis to present the

city with an award for the lowest crime rate in America. I think it would be

embarrassing for him to cancel his trip because there's one criminal loose in

the street.

Now, Lois, I know you're the only reporter to get an interview with the

president, and I'm proud of you, but I think this has got to be the White

House's call.

But, Perry... Lois, it is the president of the United States.

All we have to do is figure out a way to make this thing work on Superman.

We're hung free.

Do we have to go up against him again?

Why can't we just use this thing to, you know, rob a bank or something?

Victor, I'm going to teach you how to use something I'm sure you don't use

and every day, and it's called your mind.

The mind helps us see the big picture, Victor.

Now, if we were to rob a little bank, we'd get a few measly little dollars.

But imagine a big picture.

Big picture, Victor.

Millions of dollars. Picture yourself making history.

Because how much money do you think the government of the United States of

America would pay to ransom the president?

A lot.

A lot.

You know, Victor, you, um... You have a, uh...

A sweet and ultimately irritating knack for understatement. Would you mind

handing me the photoconductive cell?

Did you see it?

A rat. A huge rat. Probably the whole nest of them under the floor. Victor.

I'm not interested in hysterical fantasies from your screwed -up

that daycare center basement.

Now, may I have the photoconductive cell, please? Do not make me ask again,

the consequences will not be pretty.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

I guess not.

Now, I want you to pick it up once again, but rather slowly this time,

you've got to face those fears, Victor. You've got to get right down there, and

you've got to face... Not a word. Not a word.

Down you go.

Face those fears.

Good boy, Victor.

He's a good boy.

You're a good boy.

Why do we have to stay here?

Why can't we hide out in a place that's, you know, a little nicer?

Well, I'll tell you what. This is a condemned building.

No one can find us here, which I find to be a pretty good ingredient for a

hideout.

All right.

All new and improved.

All we have to do now is come up with a micro step -up transformer. Did you

locate one?

Um... Yes, yes, yes, I did. And where is it?

Uh, at the Metropolis department.

Um... Light and power.

Yeah, and do they have one?

Uh... Yes, they just installed them in their master switcher. Oh, goody.

Well, when Griffin's father got out of jail, he sold the toy store and

disappeared. And that warehouse you caught Griffin in, he turned that into a

Buddhist temple.

Thanks, Jimmy. Keep searching.

You got it.

Miss Lane?

Yes.

Kerrigan. Secret service.

You phoned our office?

Oh, yeah.

You didn't have to come down here. You could have just called me back.

I never use the phone.

Commies can tap phones.

Now, what is all this about?

Well, I'm the reporter that's going to be interviewing the president.

We know that.

Of course you do. Well, I just wanted to make you aware of the fact that we have

a minor situation that's developed with the small -time criminal. If it's about

the prankster?

We know about it. Oh, you do? Oh, then there's no problem.

There's always a problem.

There is?

You see, no one thought there was a problem when Carter went fishing till

killer rabbit came out of nowhere and charged his rowboat.

Killer rabbit.

I get that. Good.

21st April, 79.

I should have been there.

But I took the day off that day. I went to the dentist.

Impacted tooth.

If you want to take care of the president, you've got to take care of

teeth.

I see.

Well, I can see that with you and your men protecting him, the president has

nothing to worry about.

Clark, I want you to meet Mr. Kerrigan from the Secret Service.

He says that he and his men have everything under control.

Oh, good.

So then you're not worried about this freezing weapon? Weapon? It's not a

weapon. It's an invention. It seems to freeze people in place very temporarily.

It's really harmless.

Sort of a 90s version of that kids' game freeze tag.

Oh, God, what am I saying?

Anyway, I get nervous, you know, the presidential... Lois, that's not

What? You were there. I was there. He wasn't there. He doesn't know.

Mr. Kerrigan is a trained professional.

And the police are looking for the prankster, and Superman, I'm sure, is on

job.

The president would probably be safer here in Metropolis than he would be in

White House. And what do you know about the White House, ma 'am?

Nothing.

Nothing. It was just an example, you know. I could have said safer than a bug

in a rug or two peas in a pod.

Are you on any type of medication, ma 'am?

Who are you?

The painter.

City decided this place need a little sprucing up.

Let me see your work order.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Right here, there you are.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know, no one told me anything about this. Well, that's your bureaucracy for

you. You're going to get a nice fresh coat of Navajo white.

Oh, okay. Well, hold on. Just wait a second.

Okay, okay, okay. I'm going. I'm going. All right. Good. It won't take long.

I'm in.

Hey, Dad.

Nice job.

Oh, stuff it. You know, I hate suck -ups.

Did you find the keys?

You and your stupid questions!

Micro step -up transformer. This little baby will increase the weapon's power 12

-fold by coupling itself with a multiplex negative oh -wee, sister!

You're boring me.

Come here.

Now. Okay.

Shut up.

Go get the contact lenses.

This isn't fair. I put him away twice before.

Lois, are you going to stay at your apartment tonight?

No, I didn't want to.

Every hotel room in town is booked because of the president.

Perry offers, but Alice has the flu, so I don't want to impose.

Well, you know, you could... Oh, no, I... I just think, you know, with us

or... almost dating, that, um, I would feel uncomfortable.

Night, guys.

Hey, Jimmy.

You have a pull -out couch, don't you? Oh, Clark.

Yeah, why?

Well, it's just that Lois needs a place to stay for a few nights until this

whole prankster thing is resolved.

Oh, um, well... I mean, are you sure you want to stay there?

I mean, it's just a hole -in -the -wall bachelor pad, you know? You know, Jimmy,

if it makes you uncomfortable... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, as long as

you don't mind roughing it, it's okay with me.

That's what friends are for.

Thanks.

I promise you won't even know I'm there.

Uh, you know what? Maybe I better get home, straighten things up a little bit

before you get there, all right?

Multi -elevator!

That was sweet of him.

What the heck?

Hello, Frank.

Hi, Lo.

Great to talk to you again. Listen, I know you've been wondering where I...

You're controlling the life of the Daily Planet. Oh, well, I'd say I'm pretty

much controlling the whole darn city.

Take a look.

What do you want now, Griffin?

Well, since you're my favorite reporter, I thought I'd give you a scoop on an

electrifying story.

I've accessed the computers for Metropolis Light and Power, and later on

shut down the airport, it should be a real party.

Talk about flying blind.

Ta -ta.

Where are you going?

To the airport, in case the prankster makes good on his threat.

Okay. I'll follow up on Metropolis Light and Power.

Griffin. There you come.

Reporters are so predictable.

What's this all about?

What's this all about?

It's about magic.

It's about wonder.

It's about power.

Lots of power.

If you give yourself a chance. Shut up.

There's only two words we want to hear you say. And those two words would be...

Help, Superman.

Come on. Let me hear you say... Help, Superman.

Ooh, Victor, I think she's going to need some persuasion.

Lois, this is a boiler. It's very hot.

See?

And this is the gauge that tells us how much pressure's in the boiler.

Now, normally, this old boiler could take... This much pressure. But today,

we're going to turn the pressure all the way up to here.

Thanks for playing along. Johnny, tell her what she's won.

A trip for one into Barbic. Don't get steamed.

goes my dream of living on a ranch with Lois, three kids, rope and steer, deep

frying stuff. You should have never come back to Metropolis, Griffin.

I'll be out of your life.

Just came back to pick up my CDs.

Smile.

Darn it.

Don't you ever learn? Learn this.

In about 15 seconds, a very big boiler is going to blow up and then Lois Lane

will be just a memory.

Where is she?

That's for you to know and for us to find out.

Victor, why haven't I killed you yet?

Did you sneak Griffin?

He got away.

You were his safety valve in case his weapon couldn't freeze me.

Lois, you might want to leave town until I can catch him. Oh, I can't leave

town. In two days, I have an exclusive interview with the President of the

United States, and it's not that often I get to meet somebody with such

incredible power.

Except for you.

But you're different. I mean, not different in an obvious way, but, you

you're just sort of more than a story, and I don't know. You know, you're,

you know.

What you are.

Don't you?

This new transformer lets me modulate the intensity and duration of the blast,

allowing me to freeze someone for a minute, five minutes, an hour,

or a day.

Yeah, except for Superman.

That's right. That's right, Victor. Thank you for bringing that to my

Now, you see, that's why we have to figure out where, besides Lois Lane's

apartment, we can get the information on him that we need.

What? What is it? There was a tail under the bed.

Listen, I saw this documentary where this whole family got bitten by...

and they all got sick and they had to get shots, and you know I hate needles.

Now, Victor, now instead of putting pincers up inside our nostrils, which is

ornamental but perhaps not as helpful as one would wish, why don't you help Kyle

come up with some kind of idea?

Okay. Okay, I've got an idea.

Maybe Lois Lane has some sort of file on her computer at work.

You know, like maybe a diary or something? Victor!

Do you realize what you've done?

Bad idea? No!

It's wonderful!

Yeah? Yeah!

Don't expect me to be all happy and peppy on three hours sleep.

Ever since I was a kid, I've slept with the TV on, Lois. I can't help it. Don't

you think freaking out because I turned it off was a bit overdramatic? I mean,

come on, it was a 976... It's infomercial. I didn't do it on purpose.

That's just the way I wake up when there isn't any noise. Which explains why you

live across from a fire station.

I just spoke to Metropolis Edison.

They managed to contain the blast to one sector so they can still meet the

city's power needs.

Oh, well, thank God.

One blackout's about all I can handle.

Now, Lois, I just got off the phone with Helen Bartlett at the White House, and

they are very concerned about the prankster.

And the president's going to cut his trip as tight as possible.

Don't tell me my interview's canceled.

Well... They did say that they wanted to reschedule. Oh, I knew it. If I ever

get my hands on that Griffin, I swear I'll... Hey, hey, hey, hey. Just hold

horses. I said they wanted to reschedule.

And I told them that they weren't dealing with some small -town rag, that

was the Daily Planet.

So, in other words, Chief, you groveled.

But only on one day.

You got five minutes.

Five minutes?

That's it?

Lois, that's five minutes more than any other reporter's getting.

Yes, you're right.

All right, I want you two to concentrate all your attention on the Frankster.

People of Metropolis hate him, but they love reading about him.

Five minutes.

What can I do with five minutes?

Look, Lois, we've still got 24 hours. There has to be somebody who can give us

lead on Griffin.

What do you mean you don't know anything?

Hey, hey, what are you doing?

I'm not feeding you so you can tell me you don't know anything.

Well, sometimes you've got to feed me on specs. Maybe I'll find something out in

a couple of days. A couple of days would be too late.

Well, then consider it a down payment on the next time.

Boy, oh boy, are we testing.

She's just upset.

Because of Griffin, her interview with the president got cut down to five

minutes. I only get to ask one question.

It's not fair. I have so many areas I want to tell her.

Don't play with that.

I wasn't playing with it.

Okay, I won't do it again.

I think I found the perfect test target.

Where? Right over there.

Yeah.

Oh, it worked.

You're not just going to leave him like that.

Oh, yes, I am.

That's why they call me the prankster. Well, that's funny.

So what would you ask him, Clark? Something about the economy or foreign

Actually, I think I'd ask him something that people would find interesting but

wouldn't normally ask. Like, if he could be a Major League Baseball player, what

position would he play and why?

Are you serious?

That would be your one big question.

No offense, Clark, but I think that's pretty dumb.

Gee, Clark, that's a very good question.

Thank you.

I just remembered that I have a dentist appointment in a few minutes. I'll meet

you back at the planet.

I'm ready.

Lois?

I'd like to apologize about last night.

I've never had anybody sleep over before.

Little wonder.

Yeah. Well, anyway, I think I've solved the problem.

Headphones.

Now we can both sleep.

Thanks.

I'll play three.

You got it.

So what are you working on?

The one question I can ask the president.

You're part of Generation X. What would somebody your age ask?

Me, I'd ask him for a job. I think it'd be cool working in the White House.

Well, that wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Sorry. Here you go, Lois.

Oh, Perry, what one question would you ask the president?

Oh, that's easy.

I'd ask him why he vetoed the bill to make Graceland a national monument.

Perry, I'm serious.

Well, I am, too. When it comes to that, I'm serious as a heart attack.

Now, anything new on Griffin?

Why don't you ask him yourself?

These shoes are new, Perry.

What's so funny, Fike?

Why am I...

Griffin.

Jimmy, give me back my dress.

Now, there's something you don't hear around the newsroom every day.

Look at my tie.

How do you get this thing off?

Look on the bright side, Lois. At least no permanent damage was done.

Oh, yeah? Tell that to my tie.

I love this tie.

Why couldn't it have been that ugly fish tie Alice gave me for Christmas?

Well, I think the better question, Chief, is why was Griffin here in the

place? My continuing degradation comes to mind.

No, I think that's just a bonus.

My guess is that he was looking for whatever it is he couldn't find in your

apartment. You ought to check your computer, Lois.

Hello, Lo.

Wasn't that fun?

Well, it was for me, too.

By the way, there's one thing I'd like to know.

Now, why is it that Victor and Griffin can zap an entire newsroom and not be

affected by the light? Because they're subhuman.

Maybe Professor Hamilton has a slightly more scientific explanation.

Ordinarily, signals are sent via the optic nerve to the occipital lobe of the

brain.

However, this Griffin character seems to have found a way to divert the light to

the central motor cortex, which is located here.

And that causes paralysis.

Spontaneous muscle contraction effectively freezing the victim in

So why wasn't Griffin affected?

I don't know, unless he wore some sort of glasses that would block the effects

of the rays.

No glasses.

His eyes did look sort of strange. They were sparkly and they had a reddish

tint. Contact lenses?

That could be it.

Professor, could you make contact lenses like that?

I don't know. It's a long shot. I'd have to experiment with various occipital

lobes in order to determine if they... Thanks,

Professor.

Oh, by the way, if you could ask the President of the United States one

question, what would it be?

I demand to know why the government is covering up hard data on the obvious

existence of UFOs.

Yeah, that's a good one.

Thanks.

Excipital, excipital, excipital.

Victor.

Victor, what are you doing?

Oh, uh... I'm, uh... Oh.

You sound like a pervert at a magazine stand.

What did I ask you to do?

Look up information about Superman?

That's right. And are you looking up information about Superman?

Not exactly.

I see.

Well, Victor, what exactly are you doing? Well...

I found this file on Lois Lane's computer, and it looks like she's

kind of novel.

It's a story about this female reporter who meets this guy from outer space, and

it's really very good. It's got a lot of that stuff in it.

It was the last file.

I couldn't find anything else. Well, I found something. You did what? Well,

there's a whole... subdirectory on Lois Lane's C drive about Superman.

Fortunately, most of it's just worthless, worthless, worthless.

Except for this.

Now, it seems about two months ago, our friend Superman was rendered

temporarily... What's this word?

Inflicted with occipital opacity.

What does that mean? Couldn't see.

Couldn't see.

Couldn't see?

He couldn't see because of a special light beam developed by a certain Dr.

Faraday.

And... She's got all the unprintable details about it right in here.

All we have to do is make the light beam shorter.

Jimmy,

I don't want to talk about it.

I told you, I didn't know the guys were coming by, all right? They live with

their parents. They have no place else to kick it.

Did they have to kick it at your place until three in the morning?

Lois, I tried to keep it down, honestly, all right?

They're kids.

Where'd you go when you left?

Had to use the phone.

I have a phone.

Wait a minute.

Um, are you the neighbor who called the cops on us?

Oh, that's funny.

Oh, that's funny.

What a Sam Hill insist.

Lois, have you seen today's edition?

Not yet, Chief. Look what that idiot Griffin's done to my masthead. He

broke into the computerized typesetter.

You got any leads on this guy? I mean, he's made us look like a laughingstock.

No, not yet.

Clark's down at the police station trying to get a lead.

All right, stay on it.

Lois Lane?

Yeah, I'll be right there. All right, Miss Lane. We'll be expecting you. Good

day.

She's on her way.

Oh, this is so cool.

Smells great.

Specialty of the house.

Oh, those teeth.

An ode to your teeth.

They're so perfect and shiny.

I love you so much. I wish you were miney.

Hey, I had a second bird.

Ah.

Jimmy, how is your house guest?

Here she called the cops on me.

What? Why?

Well, I had a few friends over. She thought we were too loud.

A monk would be too loud for Lois.

You know what?

I know you two kind of have this thing going on together, but let me tell you

something, all right?

You do not know the real Lois Lane.

I've been trying to think of a way we get back at her all day long. Hold on,

Jimmy. She has been under a lot of stress lately.

She's going to find out what real stress is all about.

Jimmy.

Clark Kent. Hi, Clark.

This is the prankster. What do you want?

What, do I send some hostility?

Tom, let's just say that everyone's getting a little sick of your games.

Not everyone.

As a matter of fact, Victor and I and Lois are just sitting down for a little

three -handed pinochle. She and I have become inseparable.

And if you can get a message to Superman, tell him we're in the

Lakeside Towers.

Bye -bye.

This is such a nice place.

We live in such a dump.

Kyle, why can't we live in a nice place like this?

We will, Victor.

Soon.

Hi, Soupy. Glad you could join us.

Care for some pinochle?

You're finished, Griffin.

Gosh, I hope not.

Because I'm at the pinnacle of my pinochle.

Come on, Soupster.

Join me for just one hand.

All work and no play makes Superman a very dull boy.

You'll find out how dull life can be when you're back in a maximum security

prison for the rest of your life.

Okay.

But your way. When are you going to realize that weapon doesn't work on me?

Correction. It didn't work. But I've made a few improvements in the new

It worked.

Of course it worked. I designed it, didn't I?

He's not so tough.

Come on, Superman, show me what you got.

Oh, this is a Kodak moment.

I predict Victor will be the victor.

Yeah, it's kind of a pretty picture, isn't it? Huh? Your little boyfriend

just as stiff as a fish stick.

You know what the problem is with being the man of steel?

Steel don't bounce.

How

could

you do that?

Kind of like this.

Hey, Sue.

He caught her.

I'm darned. He caught her. It's a bad thing.

You all right?

You seem to ask me that a lot.

People seem to try to kill you a lot. Yeah.

I was so popular in high school.

If you'll excuse me. Oh, Superman, there's nothing you can do. If he throws

once, he'll do it again.

Look, Clark and I think we found a way of neutralizing Gripen. Professor

Hamilton is working on it right now.

So, I guess this time, you'll just have to rely on us.

See, I don't think you're getting the point.

Would you try it again, Thompson? I still can't hear you. The prankster has

found a way of stopping Superman.

No, I'm not reading you.

So I think that as much as it pains me to say, I think the president should

consider postponing his visit.

Yeah, you know, Thompson, I think I found the problem here. If you would

have General Services send up a box of those cotton swabs, that ought to do it.

Are you hearing anything I'm saying? I'm hearing you. Now you hear me.

All systems are go. My men are trained for any eventuality.

I heard from Bobby Big Mouth.

What did he want?

Seconds?

Said he had an address in the prankster.

It's the apartment he grew up in, but I checked it out. Now it's just an old

condemned building.

Hmm.

Either Griffin's a very concerned voter or the president's in trouble.

Clark, look.

It's a map of today's motorcade.

I guess we could notify Carrion. What for?

He and his men are trained for any eventuality, remember?

You try and find Superman.

Have him meet me at Professor Hamilton's as soon as possible.

Sure, okay.

Since you told me the light he used was yellow, I ground and tinted the lenses

so that the yellow light, instead of going to the motor cortex, will be

to the eye's inner and outer cantus.

What's that?

It's right in back of the canal of Schlem.

Do you really want to know?

All I want to know is, will they work?

Not knowing the exact frequency of the light, I can't really promise.

Victor, you're on.

Roger that.

Hey!

You! Get that thing out of here.

I'm trying.

We've got a situation here. Some idiot just parked a truck in the middle of the

street. You're in big trouble, pal. Now move it. You see.

It's now or never, son.

who look like the idiot now.

Come on. We got a president to kidnap.

Yeah.

There she is, Lois Lane.

Just as frozen as she can be.

Too bad she's not awake.

To see my greatest triumph.

Well, maybe we could take her with us and I could explain it to her later?

Victor, you did good this time. So I'm gonna let you have her.

I'm gonna let you have her. Oh, thank you so much.

Business before pleasure.

And that's a lovely face.

Now look, here's what I'd like you to do.

Just help me carry the president to the van.

Yes, I am.

Sorry to ruin your plans, Griffin, but the president is safely tucked away,

like you're going to be. But how?

Look deep into my eyes.

God, that's... I'm sorry, but that is really

not fair.

Neither is this.

Just that one good prank deserved another.

My contact. You knocked out my... I think

turnabout's fair play.

Oh, come on. He deserved that.

I should have had a daughter.

This is unit 715.

Sector 7 is secure.

What? A repeat.

Sector 7 is secure.

I don't want to tell you your job, sir. If I were you, I would take this man

into custody.

I knew that.

I knew that.

Ow,

he's hitting me.

Will I have the right to hit him back?

Lois, you better get going.

You don't want to be late for your meeting with the president.

That's right, my big moment.

I still have no idea what I'm going to ask him.

What one question would you ask the president?

I guess I'd ask him...

Why he wouldn't give a great reporter like Lois Lane more than a five -minute

interview.

I got a hand to you, Lois. This is one terrific interview.

You really pulled it off.

Take a lesson, boys. This is the mark of a seasoned reporter.

Someone who can get her subject to open up and talk freely.

That one question you were sweating about must have really broken the ice.

So what was it?

Oh, well, I just asked him if he was a professional baseball player, what

position would he play in?

Why?

That's a great question.

That's first rate.

This girl thinks on her feet.

Um, Jimmy, I just want to say thank you and also apologize.

You really helped me out a lot by letting me stay at your place, and I

wasn't very grateful.

I've just been under a lot of pressure.

Anyway, I'm sorry.

Hey, it was no sweat.

You know something, C .K.? She's a class act.

I've always thought so.

I can't believe I was thinking about getting revenge.

Uh -oh.

Lois, don't open... Matt.

Oh, I think I'm about to use one of my sick days.