Original subtitles

There you go. Nice. Sure.

Don't you just love Christmas?

Yeah, it's okay.

It's okay?

Just okay?

It's a very nice holiday. Like Fourth of July.

Or Arbor Day.

Are you comparing Christmas to Arbor Day?

No, I'm not comparing them. They're both holidays, and they're both fine.

Fine? Yeah, they're fine.

I don't know, Mr. Shot. I just don't know about this.

We're teaching the world a lesson, Miss Debbie.

This is no time to waffle.

Well, I don't think it's waffling. Just because I think it's a little, uh, uh...

Well, maybe it is waffling a little.

No.

I don't think so, because it's unfair, unkind, unpleasant.

The world is an unfair, unkind, unpleasant place, Mr. B. This is simply

strip away the facade of decency and goodwill.

I told you guys, don't pick on Danielle.

Children, oh, children.

Come here, won't you?

have something I want to give to you.

You're not some kind of weirdo, are you, mister?

No, I'm a toy maker.

Here, let me show you.

Ta -da!

The atomic space rat.

What does a gun shoot?

Use your nose.

Here,

you can have this one.

Watch what the smell does.

Cool.

This is mine.

And so is this.

And I want this.

And this.

Give me it.

Greed, Miss Duffy. The rats make the children greedy.

think what makes christmas so special is the whole spirit of shopping

i just remembered some last second shopping excuse me

the spirit of shopping that about sums it up

Merry Christmas.

Merry

Christmas.

Lois, doesn't the time of year and the feeling in the air just make you happy?

Clark, you do not have to tell me on Christmas. I'm not the Grinch. I like it

lot. But you don't love it.

But I like it a lot.

A lot, a lot, or a lot, a lot? Somewhere between a lot and a lot, a lot.

Hi, how are you?

Hi.

You don't remember me.

You caught the wreath in front of the orphanage. Yeah.

You look different.

How's it going?

Well, I wish I could say great, but so far you're way ahead in the generosity

race. It's too bad, too, because these kids really deserve better.

I guess people can't even imagine what it's like to be an orphan at Christmas.

Boy, this guy's good.

Lois, why don't you go ahead? I want to stay and talk to Santa.

Of course you do.

I know, honey. I'm excited, too. Our very first Christmas alone together.

Now, tomorrow night, we're going to have some nice candlelight, and I'm going to

put on that special red Santa suit and ask you whether you've been naughty or

nice.

What's a secret Santa?

Secret Santa is, uh... Uh, um, it's, uh...

We all put our names in a bowl, and we all...

Pick a name out, and whoever's name you get, you get a Christmas present for.

I'm in charge of it.

Sounds like fun.

I'm Angela.

I'm in charge of it.

Nice to meet you, Mr.

I'm in charge of it.

a little heavy on the red and green, don't you think?

What, you don't like it?

Do I have a choice?

Excuse me?

No, it's just that it's everywhere.

Ribbons and wreaths and mistletoe and trees and Santa's and elves and Frosty

Snowman and Rudolph the Red -Nosed Reindeer pounding you in the face over

over. You must love Christmas. You must love Christmas. You must love Christmas.

I guess this means we won't be caroling tonight, huh?

No, it's just that for once I would like to feel Christmas. You know, discover

it.

unwrap it and be surprised by how wonderful it is instead of having it

relentlessly shoved in my face like half -off coupons at a swap meet. I know

what you mean. It's like Christmas has become so big. It's like a whale and

we're all minnows.

Well, this year I am not going to be a minnow.

I'm going to take control and I'm going to have the Christmas I want.

Oh, that's excellent.

Dr. Sam Lane, please.

His daughter.

Lois.

I've been to all the big toy stores, trying to get donations.

I guess they're just too busy.

What if I could get a friend of mine to ask the stores for toys?

He's sort of a celebrity, and he's an orphan himself.

Oh? Do I know him?

You might have heard of him. He spends a lot of time flying in and out of

Metropolis.

No, Lucy, Mom can't make it.

I couldn't even get Dad on the phone. They kept me on hold for 20 minutes.

What about you?

You're in love?

Christmas in Venice? Wow, that's romantic.

Oh, Venice, California.

So he's either an artist or an actor.

Well, good luck. You're going to need it.

Merry Christmas.

Atomic space rats.

Gesundheit. People going nuts for them. Let me guess.

Slow news day.

A 70 -year -old lady just knocked another lady's dentures out for crying

loud. Hey, Olsen, you should have gotten a picture of that. Now, where's Clark?

Out on the street, talking to Santa.

Of course he is.

Merry Christmas. I love you.

Miss Duffy, will you put that down?

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Shaw.

I don't know why you keep those fuzzy failures around anyway.

Oh, don't call them that. I love them.

They're so soft and sweet.

I think they're the best toy you've ever made. Oh, really?

Do these words ring a bell, Miss Duffy?

Mister, your teddy bears suck.

We hate these.

Children say things they don't always mean. Buck, would that that were only

with adults who say things like you're fired.

Oh, you were too good for Metropolis toys, Mr. Short.

So were you, Miss Duffy.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Short.

Make something the children will want to buy, they said.

Well, we're doing that now, all right.

Being fired last Christmas was the best thing that could have happened to us.

And now we're going to make them pay for what they did.

Oh, they're going to pay.

And pay!

And pay!

this toy is.

Yeah? They really need toys to share, so I'm going around asking stores to

donate gifts. Would you be interested?

Oh, absolutely.

Great. Give me that! Come on!

If my biochemical calculations are correct, the rats

should have a slightly different effect on you, though.

its rather unusual side effect will be to make adults act like children.

The question is, will they act like greedy children?

I'd say so far the rats are living up to every expectation, wouldn't you,

Ms. Duffy?

On to step two of our plan.

Step two?

There's a step two?

We're ruining Christmas, Miss Duffy. It's a big job.

Lois, can I just see one?

They're my rats.

It was kind of a funny joke in the cab, but a little less funny in the lobby.

Now... It's getting old, and we've got a deadline, so can I just please have a

look? Just a look? Just a look.

Okay.

That smells terrible. Awful.

I like it. Me too.

And I want one of those rats.

Me too.

Oh, I want everything.

you are not invited to my Christmas dinner tomorrow night.

Well, because all the food that I'm going to buy is mine and I'm not

Ready, set... Hey, hey, hey, hey! What in the Sam Hill's going on out here?

I told you guys we should have been quiet.

squares and magic marker?

Well? Lois is in trouble.

Lois is in trouble.

Well, I have all the rats and you don't have any.

I can get those if I wanted. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. That's enough.

Now, I don't know what you all have got going on here, but obviously we all need

a vacation a little bit more than I thought.

Now, we still got a paper to put out and a story to do on those rats.

Oh, gee.

Give me the rats. Give me the rats.

Well, he's there.

Can I have a rat, Chief? Can I help, please? Clark, you want me to send you

the dark room?

Dark room? You heard me.

No. Well, then settle down.

Go back to your desk.

Doesn't anybody like fire engines anymore?

I wonder if this ugly sucker shoots.

Hey, make sure to probably kiss one. Okay.

That lady cut right in front of us. Excuse me.

Jonathan, she did not. Are you kidding, Martha?

That woman was a human knife.

Jonathan, she was in a hurry. She just didn't... Excuse me. This is the last

Christmas we come to Metropolis to do our Christmas shopping.

This town is crazy.

Everybody pushing, shoving, grabbing.

Oh, Jonathan, what are you talking about?

Oh, gee whiz, Martha, I don't know.

I guess I must be imagining it.

what you did.

Mom, I am so angry at you. I just don't know what to do with you. I never

spanked you. I never had to.

But right now, I'd like to drop your breeches and tan your hide like cheap

leather. Now, Martha.

Jonathan, he burned the heel off Lois's shoe.

Is that true, Clark?

Would she took... Uh, was she, um...

It's something I... Martin, I don't think he's quite himself, and neither is

Lois, and neither is Perry.

Well, what in the world is going on?

I don't know.

The last thing that I really remember clearly was being near the elevators and

getting sprayed by one of those rats and suddenly feeling like I wanted

everything and feeling like a little kid.

If this is step two, I must say I'm not very eager to see step three. Oh, show a

little backbone, this stuffy.

I know what I'm doing. May I have your attention, please?

As you know, it is the holiday season again, and you're a bunch of unemployed

longshoremen who will no doubt be spending this Christmas Eve in a flea...

out of your mind or the cheapest alcohol known to man.

How many of you would like to do something about that?

Yeah, I would.

I don't mean to sound overly concerned, but I think we should do something.

Anyone object to a fast, easy way of getting some of this?

For I'm a merry good fellow.

I'm a merry good fellow, for I'm a merry good fellow.

And a merry old Christmas to me.

I don't know, Alice.

I don't know if I want to spend some dumb, trippy, kissy -faced Christmas.

I want to go to Greaseland.

I think I'm fine now.

Whatever it is, it wears off.

And your pinkies.

Pinkies.

Oh, that's good now. Put your fingers down. Probably faster on me than other

people. You guys go ahead and finish your Christmas shopping. I think we're

looking at a job for Superman. Okay, sweetheart.

I'm so glad I didn't have to spank you.

Me too, Mom.

We'll get the present.

Lois, I think we ought to wash your hands.

What? I mean, uh, you want these rats?

Superman brought me home. You too?

Yeah.

You feel okay?

You?

But I did some digging, and I have a clue.

Harry Heckelbaum.

Who's that?

The one and only distributor of rats.

I'll get dressed.

Well, my price just doubled.

Hey, you don't want to buy, you don't have to buy. I'll see you in bankruptcy

court, pal of mine.

Hi,

I'm Lois Lane. This is Clark Kent. We're from the Daily Planet. We're

investigating the atomic space rats.

You want to do a story on me?

Actually, we were wondering who makes the rats.

Ah, you should have said you were going to do the story. Then maybe I would have

talked. Do you know how much money I'm making here? You think I'm going to tell

you who makes these things?

What am I, nuts? What am I, stupid? Hey, don't let the door hit you in the butt

on the way out. Excuse me. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Did I say?

Let it hit you in the butt. What do I care?

Joanne. Hey, Joanne.

Joanne.

Joanne, how much money are you making in the last five seconds?

Surrounded by these things day and night, no wonder the guy's a nutball.

my price just doubled.

Hey, there's an invoice over there, Sam.

I'll distract you, Grant. Go.

holding my breath. Did you get the invoice?

Yeah, Maker of Rats.

One WP shot. No address, no phone number, only a post office box.

So... Background check.

Clark, do you have any Christmas plans?

Yeah, I'm flying back to my folks tonight.

Christmas is always the biggest party in Smallville. Oh, well, I'm just having a

few people over. I thought you might like to come.

Well... No, no, no. I wouldn't want you to change your plans. You should be with

your family.

Mr. Shaw, this is hard for me to say, but I'm not sure I can keep up

with this any longer.

You used to love children so much.

You were so marvelous to them. I'm still marvelous to them.

I'm giving them not only what they want, but what they deserve.

And it's only temporary.

There's no lasting side effects.

Yeah, but it just seems like, well... You know, Mr. B...

I used to always watch you when you used to leave the office every night.

You did?

Really? Oh, Mr.

Shot. I remember watching you go to the bus stop. It always made me feel so sad.

You always looked so tired and cold.

For you, Miss Duffy, the first profits from the space rats.

Oh, Mr.

Shot. It's so very shiny.

And this.

Man -made, of course. We don't want to hurt the little creatures.

Ah, you see, Miss Duffy, there are advantages to striking back.

I mean, after all, what are we doing anyway?

It's not as if we're foisting something on the public they don't want, are we?

Well, I suppose not. And in the meantime, if people become the scabrous,

jealous, greedy, nasty bunch of people since they are anyway, well then, all

better then, huh?

Merry Christmas, Miss Duffy.

Well,

I guess there's nothing to do until the report comes in on shot and rats.

It's a good thing, too. I'm not feeling quite 100 % yet.

You?

Yeah, I'm feeling kind of weird, too.

Guess the only one who's immune to this stuff is Superman.

You would think.

Did you get your tree yet?

Yeah. You?

No. I always have trouble deciding.

See, I like the big pretty ones, but I feel so sorry for the little scrawny

ones.

I remember when I was 12.

My parents had just split up so they didn't bother to get a tree.

I broke into my piggy bank.

I went and found the ugliest, loneliest little tree I could find.

I thought if I could make that tree beautiful that I'd have a great

So I decorated it with ribbons and popcorn tinfoil.

And?

And the needles fell off and it turned black and Mom threw it out.

You know, I'm not a kid anymore.

I should just get a great tree and have a great Christmas, right?

That is the spirit.

I just couldn't leave it there all alone.

I understand.

You don't think it's ugly?

I think it has lots of potential.

Well, those space rats are getting hotter by the second. If this keeps up,

rats could end up being tradable commodities.

So, tell us, Chatter, we're going to have a white Christmas this year? I want

more money.

Pardon? I'm not going to tell if it's going to snow. Thanks, Professor

That goo inside the rats? It's a highly sophisticated psychotropic mind

-altering drug.

And here's the weird part. When you boil it, it becomes a completely harmless

solution, low in sodium and high in vitamin C.

Jimmy Olsen.

I'm your secret Santa.

Wow.

Jimmy.

I'm your secret Santa, boy.

Hey, Jimmy.

Here you go, Jimmy. I'm your secret Santa, Jimmy.

Here you go, pal.

Happy holidays, Jimmy.

You rigged the secret Santa.

Mr. I'm in charge of it.

What a jerk.

Angela, wait.

Stay away from me.

Let her go, Jimmy.

She'll take your heart and tear it right out of your chest.

Still can't find Alice?

Oh, well, she left word that she's gone. I still got people looking for her, but

you know we're supposed to spend Christmas together.

I was going to put on my special little Santa suit.

I don't know. I feel like I've been down seven miles of bad road.

I can't remember anything.

Everything's a haze.

Lois and Clark say it has something to do with those nasty little rats, but

can't prove anything.

Well, you know, even if I could find her, it'd sound like a pretty flimsy

excuse. I guess I won't just be lonesome tonight.

Yeah.

Well, you two are invited to my house for Christmas Eve dinner tonight.

Hmm. Well, that sure beats the soup kitchen, huh?

Hmm. Don't get your hopes too high, Chief.

Oh, excuse me. Do you know where Clark Kent is?

Right over there.

That's right.

Hecklebaum. Star Labs is factoring their report.

Yeah, he should be arrested immediately, and those rats should be taken off of

every single toy shelf.

Santa.

Uh, uh, thank you.

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to call you. No, no, no. Santa is just

This is Danielle. She's one of our kids. She helps with the collections.

We just thought we'd drop by and say hi and warm up a little before heading

back.

Hi. It's nice to meet you.

This is my friend, Lois.

Lois, this is, uh, Santa.

And this is Danielle.

Hi.

Uh, Danielle hasn't spoken since her parents... Well, she hasn't spoken for

last three years. But she's all excited about Christmas, right, Danielle?

Do you want to play?

Fortunately, I just recently relearned this game.

I, uh, I spoke to the toy stores.

They're going to donate all they can, and we'll try to get everything there by

tonight. Oh, we'll tell your flying friend. We really appreciate it.

All right, Dania, we better get going.

Oh, you keep it, sweetie.

Bye.

Bye -bye.

Oh, what a cute little girl.

I wonder if she'll ever be able to talk.

Your report on shot.

Our little old toy maker.

Used to be a chemist.

Interesting.

That explains a few volumes.

Any last known address?

Not for him, but I dug and found out he worked for a toy company.

Got fired last year along with his secretary. About a month ago, a

rented in her name.

Let's go.

Jimmy, can you call my folks and tell them to go on to Smallville? I'm going

try to catch a later flight.

Okay. Thanks.

Oh, what a day for the car. to be in the shop.

Taxi!

Hello!

So, what shall we toast to, Ms. Duffy?

Well, we could... No, that would be too...

Well, we might. You're waffling again, Miss Duffy. It's unseemly for a woman

wearing a $50 ,000 necklace to waffle.

Well, we might drink to us.

Yeah, to us. To our many, many years together.

You know, you're a very fine woman.

Am I?

The Atomic Space Rats, the toy sensation of this year's Christmas, is not such a

sensation after all.

According to police, the rats contain a mind -altering drug which causes extreme

but temporary behavioral changes when in action.

Help me get the chemicals into the truck.

Miss Duffy, I said I need your help.

What are you going to do?

Our little toy enterprise may be coming to an end, Miss Duffy.

But the game isn't over. Metropolis still has lessons to learn. And we're

the teachers.

We'll walk to the warehouse right here.

That'll be $200.

$200 for a 10 -block cab ride. Lois, calm down. Look, I know you're not in

right mind, so I'm going to give you this $20 and some advice. There you go.

Here we go.

You know

what would make my Christmas merry?

What?

Winslow Pea Shot, bagged and tagged.

Well, let's get him.

If you're not going to breathe it, drink it.

A holiday gift from me to the Metropolitan Water Supply.

Merry Christmas, Metropolis!

Must have been rusted through.

Uh -oh.

I've got a bad feeling.

Where's our toy man and his nasty goo?

I don't know, but it looks like he just got the Dear John letter.

Dear Mr. Schott, I cannot go on participating in this.

I have gone to give the last good thing you made for the world to some deserving

children. Miss Duffy.

That lady from the orphanage. Miss Duffy!

Miss Duffy, I have a surprise!

That we?

You're busted. Merry Christmas. What have you done with the chemicals?

Who are you? What have you done with Miss Duffy? Nothing. If you've hurt her,

I'll... She left you.

She left me? why she'd never... We've been together for 20 years.

I had to see her. I know where she is.

Tell us what you did with the chemicals and we'll take you to her.

Maybe you'd like to say goodbye before you go to jail.

Oh, I am so glad the children are enjoying the toys.

Oh, sweetie, I don't have any more bears.

Oh, no, that's all right. We appreciate this.

Well, I didn't know there would be so many children.

Perhaps I'd better bring another back. What are you holding that stupid bear

for? I don't know. I just didn't feel like letting go.

Well, most people can't let go of the rat. Ladies, ladies, please. I promise

you, the rat is not worth it.

She's fine.

Mr. Shot, are you... Yes, I'm fine. Thank you, Superman.

You sure took a big chance there for someone who doesn't like children very

much. Oh, you don't understand, Mr. Superman. He really loves children.

I wasn't thinking. I just saw her there. I can't imagine why she'd run out there

like that.

Ah, I should have known.

The rats.

Greedy just like everyone...

Missed you, Mr.

Bear?

She... She... Did you hear that? Did you hear that?

Danielle, that's the first word she's spoken since I've known her.

It's a miracle!

I love you.

I guess there's more to people than just greed, Mr. Shaw.

Missed you, Mr. Bear?

He made it.

I made it for you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Where's Clark?

He was taking it pretty hard from those old ladies.

Mr. Schatz, really a good man. He was so hurt when the children said they didn't

like his toys.

Superman.

I'm sorry. I'm just so ashamed.

Just tell me what you did with the chemicals.

Children. Officer, it would mean so much to us.

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas to all!

Ho,

ho, ho! Merry Christmas, kids!

Come on, kids.

Santa's got presents for you over here.

Officers, can Mr. Schott and Miss Duffy give us a hand getting out these toys?

I'll make sure that I get back to the station myself.

All right, sir.

I told myself I was going to have a real Christmas.

One I'd find for myself.

And?

And I have.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Lois.

Superman, I just found out Alice is at a hotel downtown.

I got to get down there right away.

I understand.

Stay in the sleigh. I'll give you a big entrance.

Oh, great.

Lois, sorry I'm going to miss your dinner.

So am I.

I understand.

Big holiday for you. No holidays for you.

Okay, Superman!

Giddy up!

Hooray!

So, time's dinner.

You're not coming.

I'm not?

I explained how you were not quite yourself before.

She's a very understanding girl.

You should hang on to her. It's rare.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry

Christmas.

Miss Duffy. My name is Margaret. And what I want this Christmas

is you.

Oh, my plane got snowed in.

It did?

It's not snowing. It isn't?

You were just like that.

Oh, and you are going to get stopped.

I made a turkey and yams and cranberries and stuffing. Did you know that you

have to make the stuffing? It doesn't come in the bird.

Yeah, I heard that someplace.

I brought you a gift.

Oh.

Open it.

I told Superman that story about your Christmas tree when you were 12.

And he and I both decided that this might look good on that little guy.

It's beautiful.

I've never seen anything like it.

Where did he get it?

Carolers. Yes.

I

wonder

where Superman spends his Christmas.

He must still be pulling Perry around in it.

Thank you.