All language subtitles for I Am s01e03 I Am Hannah

Hi.

Hey.

How you doing?

Good, thanks. How are you? I'm good.

Good.

You're late.

I'm late. I'm sorry I'm late.

It's okay.

I'm about 10, 15 minutes late in life.

I've realized.

You're always late.

Yeah. It might be a good thing for you
to bear that in mind.

Okay.

What were you thinking when I texted
you?

You mean the honest answer?

Yeah.

Ooh.

Only the honest answer.

I was thinking, oh, this guy.

Oh, this guy?

This guy.

I don't know. Like, if it was anyone
else, I would have probably dismissed

Okay.

I don't know. I felt... I don't know
why. I don't know why I felt this

differently.

That's good.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look.

Together for over 65 years.

Yeah. Let me not to the marriage of true
minds.

All right.

I have to sit here now.

Okay.

Wow.

65 years. Imagine being with someone for
65 years.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Is that a dream? Would that be the
dream? Is that your dream?

Maybe, yeah. The right person.

If she can't really know, can't really
know that's starting out.

Yeah,

that would be... The idea of it's nice.

I think so.

I just wanted to say I hope you like me
as much as I like you.

Yeah.

All right, then. No worries. Thank you
very much, though.

All right. Cheers, buddy.

Cheers. Thanks.

So you've been on many of these...

Swipe right dates.

No, I'm pretty new to it, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

What did you do before?

Fell into things by accident.

Oh, okay.

What about you? You've done this a lot.

Yeah, I've defeated, I've clocked the
dating apps. I'm waiting for, like,

two to come out.

Oh, you've completed it. I've completed
it, yeah.

Clocked. That's gaming.

Okay, sorry.

The term.

Yeah, no, a lot, a lot, and I should
stop.

But when you're just in the office all
the time and you're sort of like, you're

seeing the same people, then you've got
your time's precious.

You've got a lot of time, you know, it
makes sense.

Yeah.

And good experiences?

Good and bad. Sometimes people look
nothing like their picture.

And if you're going to sound bad, but
like...

One girl literally turned up, and she
had, like, two extra tints.

Now, I know that sounds... You know what
I mean, though? It's like, why are we

starting on a lie?

I don't have a problem. I don't
necessarily need a girl to be skinny, or

really bothered about size, but, like,
let's not start on a lie.

We're starting a date with an elephant
in the room. Do you know what I mean?

An elephant in the room?

No, I don't... Sorry.

Sorry, I know what you're saying. I know
what you're saying. Yeah, you know what

I'm saying.

So what made you start swiping?

I don't know. I guess I'm hoping to meet
some interesting people, maybe,

and just see what happens.

You're not looking for anything
specific, or...? What, like, husbands,

What, Adam?

I don't mean, like, second date, let's
get married, but... Yeah.

You're going there with intention. Like,
some people are on it just to have a

shag, and some people are on it for
other things.

Yeah, possibly, possibly.

I haven't made up my mind about all that
stuff yet.

At all?

At your age? Not like that. I know it
sounds bad, but at your age, you must

thought about it, clock ticking, all
that.

Well... Yeah, I've thought about it. I
haven't decided.

You ever thought about a kid?

Thought about it.

Still thinking about it.

But I... I suppose I just, I don't know
exactly what it is that I want yet. And

I'm still trying to figure it out.

So why are you on the date?

This date?

Yeah, why are you on this date?

I don't know. I thought we were getting
to know each other, having a chat.

You seem like an interesting guy. I
thought we could see what happens.

When you say see what happens, do you
mean actually see what happens? Yeah.

You look annoyed.

I'm not annoyed. I just know what I want
out of this. And if I meet someone, I'm

meeting, thinking, what is this and what
can this be?

I don't mean to put pressure or anything
like that. I just mean I have to waste

a lot of time. I've been on a lot of
these dates and I just feel sometimes

getting a little bit frustrated when
someone's just come out of a

or someone's not ready.

I sort of just feel like I need to be a
lot more honest.

So I know that can be abrasive for some
people, but yeah, that's what I'm

asking.

Because I don't think you know what you
want. See, I think you're wasting my

time.

I think you're here to find yourself, or
use me to find yourself, or use me to

find what you really want, and I just
fucking wasted my time to do this.

So, I think we should just leave it
here, yeah?

Okay. I'm right, right?

I'm... I'm right, right?

Yeah, fucking joke. You think you're
right. I'm right. Okay. Don't waste my

fucking time. Peace.

What do you want, Mum?

Um, herbal, please.

Chamomile, all right?

Lovely.

Do you want me to leave your tea bag in?

Yes, please.

Do you remember what your grandmother
used to say?

She used to say, there is no path to
happiness.

Happiness is the path. Yeah.

It feels strange not having her there.

But you have to build your own
happiness, Hannah.

You are very smart. You're strong.

You're beautiful.

Yeah, you are, really.

And you can have everything, Hannah.

But it doesn't happen by itself.

And sometimes you have to make conscious
decisions about what you want in life

and make a plan and stick to it.

You don't need to worry about me, Mum.

I'm all right.

I'm fine, Mum.

And I don't think you are, Hannah. I'm
happy, Mum.

I really don't think you are.

I know this is going to sound silly,
Hannah.

But one day you're going to wake up and
you're going to be 40.

Well, they say that 40 is a new...

20, 50, 30, so... Not that bad.

You might look great.

But your body will be that of a 40 -year
-old woman, and... I don't want

you to... miss out on building a family
and sharing

your life with somebody.

Of building a really loving, meaningful
relationship.

God, Mum. All I really care about is
your happiness.

I don't want to just sit here and watch
you and have cups of tea once a month

while your life just drifts by. Mum,
please, please, please drop this.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you don't have
grandkids.

It's not about that, Hannah. It's not
about me having grandchildren.

It's about the whole of your life,
darling.

You can't meet Mr. Wonderful when you're
60, darling.

Hi, Mum.

You take a step, my heart beats on my
chest.

And if you need to tell, then you are
like the rest.

Now that you've made your way, it's time
for us to play.

And when I'm done with you, you'll take
a mercy.

We like you. We like you. We like you.

Hello. How are you doing?

Hey, darling.

How are you doing? I'm good, thanks. How
are you?

Yeah, good.

This is Gabriel.

Oh, my gosh.

Hello. He's gorgeous.

Oh, hi.

Yeah, he's quite cute, isn't he? Gosh,
I... Oh, thank you.

That's really kind. Thanks so much.

Yes.

How are you?

I'm good. I mean...

The lack of sleep thing is difficult,
but apart from that, I feel really good.

I feel really happy, quite contented.

I don't think I was expecting to feel
the big love rush thing everyone talks

about, but it's all true.

And Tim's been brilliant.

He's been just an absolute Trojan.

He's there every step of the way with
the 2am feeds and the 4am feeds and

changing nappies in the middle of the
night. He takes it all in stride and

he's... He's amazing. It's really
brought out the best in him, I think.

And the best in us, I think.

Yay!

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you want to hold him?

Yeah. Yeah? Why not?

Cool. Are you sure?

Yeah.

He's quite ill.

Which side do you want his head?

Left or right? Yeah, right I guess.
Straight over.

I need to wake up. Oh, God, quick.

I'm so happy for you. Oh, thank you.

Amazing.

Amazing what you've done.

Oh, love.

Oh, love, what's going on? Nothing,
honestly.

Come on, are you all right? What's
happening?

Fine.

Yeah. Ian, how are you doing?

I'm good, thanks. How are you?

Great. Good.

Sorry if I've kept you waiting. No, no,
no, not at all. It's been, like, ten

minutes. It's fine.

It's fine. I ordered a sort of small
beer, and I've drunk a bit of it, so I'm

pretty much raring to go. Do you want a
drink?

Yeah, why not?

What can I get you?

Can I have a vodka cranberry juice,
please? Sure, no problem.

Thank you.

How was your day?

Good.

Good. I do like freelance copywriting.

I'll tell you what I wrote.

Right. There's a button you have to
click to get into the website.

And I gave them five different options.

And we went with, eventually, click
here.

So there you go. Three years at
university.

Pretty solid.

So there you go.

Here's a romance.

Sometimes I want to meet someone who I
can find peace with, titled fucking

Tranquility. But then... But then
sometimes I just want...

Fucking chaos, you know?

All that person to be mad and drive me
insane and torment me even more, you

know?

So tell me, what's Hannah looking for?
What are you after?

I don't know, I suppose when it comes to
a relationship, I want to have the

freedom to be myself.

Like, completely myself.

And... I don't know if I've ever really
had that in a

relationship.

Like, don't we want contradictory things
from people? Like, we like the idea

of... Safety and security and love and
care and someone to feel like home.

And of course we want that. We need
that. But then there's another side of

that wants novelty and excitement and
the new. And I don't know how you

resolve that. I don't know how you
resolve that with just one person. So I

that I don't want to be tied down.

I know that I want excitement.

I like that.

I... I don't know, I guess sometimes I
feel like I'm a bit of a freak.

Compared to other women that I know. I
mean, most of my friends from school and

uni, they're already settling down. Some
are on their, you know, their second or

third kids.

I worry sometimes that I'm going to be
left behind before I figure my shit out,

you know?

I don't know.

Yeah.

Pretty fucking incredible as far as I'm
concerned.

Um,

just going to go to the loo. Yeah,
that's fine. Sorry.

Come on, let's go back upstairs.

Let's go back upstairs.

Come on, straight up, straight up.

So, yeah, I was telling you that my
parents had a dinner party a few weeks

and they were, like, had all their
friends over and they were all, like,

brought all their kids and it was, like,
so mental, but it was so, so, so fun.

We had, like, this huge table for all,
like, my mum and dad's friends and then

we had, like, another table for all the
kids.

And it was just... so fun like everybody
was together and they were all telling

stories about being on holidays with
their kids and like kids were like

about or being friends together they've
all known each other since they were

little and i was just like oh my god
like i want that like

i want to have that relationship with
someone that's like my person my

partner and my husband and i want to
have The house and the white picket

and the children and the dog and the
nice kitchen with the

island in the middle. And I know that
sounds materialistic, but I think

it's more than that.

I don't know. I guess I just don't see
the point in being in a relationship for

the sake of it.

What's the point? What's the point in
being with someone who isn't right just

because you're scared of being alone?

You know, I would rather be on my own
than be with someone who isn't right.

And I see so many women, so many people
that we know, they've panicked and they

have settled for, like, the next guy
that's like, he'll do, like, I've just

to have kids. And I just, I don't want
to be that person. I want something

I do.

And you know what my biggest fear is? My
biggest fear is that actually I'm

getting it wrong and... And maybe my
mum's right. I'm going to wake up and

going to be... And it's going to be too
late and I'm going to realise too late

that that is what I want.

That is what I want and I've fucked it
up. I'm terrified of fucking it up.

Fucking ridiculous, actually.

It's so fucking unfair.

so fucking unfair that we even have to
think about this now guys can decide to

have kids when they're 50 it's not an
issue but the moment we hit 35 it's like

you've got to decide now or it's gonna
be too late and like you know what we've

been told from like our teenage years to
our 20s like it's like the worst thing

that can happen is to get pregnant it's
like at the end your life will be over

right that's what we're told that's like
drilled into us from

such a young age and then suddenly it's
like it switches it goes from like don't

get pregnant to like you better fucking
get pregnant or or you've missed your

chance and that's like literally that
change happens in like five years in

30s and it's just like what the fuck so
now in this tiny space of time i meant

to find the guy the perfect guy the guy
that i could potentially spend the rest

of my life with and do that and get all
that done i just think it's insane i

think it's crazy i think it's fucking
crazy i just

And I don't want to buy into any of that
crap, but yet I still, obviously, I'm

bothered by this crap.

Good morning. Morning.

Have you an appointment with Dr. Sarris?

Sure. Can I have your name?

Hannah Lee.

If you'd just like to take a seat here,
the room will be shortly.

Obviously, it very much depends on who's
doing the egg freezing, what their age

is, and how many eggs we can get as
well.

The success rate of somebody who's in
their 20s, where you might have 10 or 12

eggs frozen, might be as high as 40 or
50 percent.

But for a woman who's in her 40s, the
success rate can be as low as 1 percent.

So at the age that you are, very roughly
we'd expect about a 3 to 4 percent

chance of each egg to give us a baby.

Three to four. Correct. But of course,
if we have a number of eggs, 10 eggs or

dozen eggs, for example, it can be
anywhere between 20, 25, maybe even 30 %

success rate.

Egg freezing is like an insurance
policy, but actually it's not a very

insurance policy.

Because you'd expect a good insurance
policy to pay out every time that you

it, as opposed to this is a might pay
out.

But it's the best that we have.
Unfortunately, we have nothing better

It's hope, though, isn't it? It is hope,
but it wouldn't be right for me to tell

somebody that this is a guarantee, when
in fact it's just a possibility.

I'm so worried.

Mum.

It's okay.

It went really well.

Really well.

Okay?

He was amazing. The doctor, you know, he
really reassured me. We talked through

everything and... Yeah, I'm going to do
it.

I am.

You should be happy for me. You should
be happy. I'm so happy that I'm going to

have some options. I'm going to have
some more time.

It's a good thing.

It really is. It's a good thing.

You know, yeah.

I can, in a few years, if I've met
someone, I can, you know, we could do

together. Or if I haven't met someone, I
could do it on my own. It's all

possible.

Brilliant, really.

I promise you.

Don't look so worried.

Come here.

It's all right.

I really wish you'd been there,
actually.

If you'd heard what he had to say, I
think you'd feel so much better about

Come on.

Honestly, it's really exciting what they
can do.

Okay.

It's okay. Look, you were the one who
told me to come up with a plan. This is

plan.

It's a good plan.

Are you sure?

I'm sure.

Okay, Hannah, what I'm going to do now
is I'm just going to insert the probe.

You might feel a little bit of pressure.

And if you want, you can look at the
screen as well. So here I'm just looking

the womb.

This little triangle inside of the
cavity.

And you can see just here how on either
side the tubes are going out of the

womb. And we'll check that a little bit
later.

And here what we're looking at is the
ovarian one side, this little grey area.

And what I'm trying to see is how many
of the little black...

spots I can see inside, which is where
eggs are developing.

Okay, so now that we've looked at the
ovaries and the womb, I'm just going to

arrange for you to have your blood test,
and after that, I'll see you back in

the consulting room.

So, for somebody of your age, we'd
expect to see 15 or 16 of these little

developing follicles with their eggs
inside.

But when I scanned you, unfortunately,
what I saw was... one follicle.

Now, the blood test that we did is
another way of looking at what's

your ovaries. And again, your results
came back very low.

In combination, those two tests tell us
that the number of eggs your ovary is

releasing every month is much less than
we would expect for someone of your age.

The final test that we did looks at the
tubes that connect the ovaries to the

womb.

And unfortunately,

What that test showed us is that both
tubes appear to be blocked and not to be

working properly.

So, what exactly does that mean

for me?

Well, the chance of achieving a natural
pregnancy on your own is very low.

Now, for egg freezing to be something
which is worthwhile from an insurance

point of view, we would want to be able
to collect a good number of eggs. And

based on today's information, we would
be

very unlikely to be able to collect that
number of eggs, even with multiple

cycles of egg freezing.

Also, even if we tried to do something
like IVF, although not impossible,

the chance of success will be very low
as well.

Okay.

I know it's a lot to process right now.

We can arrange for another meeting to
talk about it again.

Also, what a lot of women find useful is
maybe speak to a counsellor. I can give

you details for that as well.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, that would be good. Thank you.
Thank you.

Do you have any other questions?
Anything else I can help you with at

moment?

No, no. No other questions.

Thanks very much.

Because I get bored of people so easily.

I mean, at this bit, for example, most
of the time, like, after...

After I've done it, like, I just kind
of...

I'm not interested anymore.

Like, I could take it or leave it.

I'm really liking this.

I'm really, really liking this.

I just kind of... I don't want to leave.

I, um...

I don't want to mess this

up.

We don't have to worry about kids.

This is just about you and me.

This could be that 65 -year thing.

This is the one.

Fucking hell.

I don't get you. I do not get it. Are
you telling me all that stuff you said

me about how I make you feel?

You do. Right?

And now you just want to dash it all
away.

That's not what I'm saying.

I can't carry on with you as if nothing
has happened. Things have changed for

me.

And I feel like I can be okay, but I
need some time.

Honestly, I don't think I can be in a
relationship right now.

Can you understand that?

Isn't there a world, right, where I can
help with that? I don't want you... I

cannot rely on someone else to get me
through this. I need to know that I've

done it for myself.

And I'm sorry, I know you want to be the
knight in shining armour and you want

to just, you know, help me pick up the
pieces, but to be honest, I don't mean

sound disrespectful, but I need to. I
need you to understand why I need to do

this by myself.

I have to.