All language subtitles for 654654dddf5646546

Downloaded from
YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

NARRATOR: 'Twas three nights
before Christmas
at the magical North Pole,

and all the new elves
had gathered round Santa
to be given their roles.

"Toy-making elf!"
Santa decreed
to the first one in line,

and to the next,
and the next,
and the next 209.

But when Santa came to
the last elf standing there,

something very different
he was to declare.

"Stable elf!" he proclaimed,
expecting a cheer.

"You'll be the one in charge
of all things reindeer."

"You'll talk to them
and make them all fly."

"The sole keeper of
the magic berries that
carry them into the sky."

But a cheer he did not receive.

Nor a smile, nor a chuckle.

Instead, poor Henry's knees
started to buckle.

"I don't like reindeer, "
he protested,
"Or any animal, I mean,

"they slobber and shed
and are so very unclean."

But Santa's mind was made up,
that much was clear.

So that night,
Henry came up
with a plan,

to change his career.

He would make
a toy of his own
as a secret surprise.

One that will force
the big man to see him
with new eyes.

But Henry's toy-making skills
were a long way from strong

and before he knew it,
things went wronger
than wrong.

Now, reindeer are well-trained.

They can sit, stay, and heel.

But that doesn't mean
they'll pass up a free meal.

Henry tried to stop them
from floating away,

but only succeeded
in falling into the sleigh.

It was a disaster,
a catastrophe,
a tangled mess

that might never
have been unwoven,

that is, were it not
for a big, sloppy dog
named Beethoven.

Hot chocolate,
get your
hot chocolate!

It's low in fat
and 100% organic.

At least...
Not really.

(CAR HONKING)

(BARKING)

WOMAN: Mason!
Hey, Mom.

Hot chocolate?
Goes to
a good cause,

teenagers whose moms
won't buy them what
they want for Christmas.

Yeah, I think
I'm gonna stick
with my own cause,

moms who think there are
more productive uses
of teenagers' time

than video games.

How's it going, anyway?

Like Grandpa after the divorce.

A big opportunity
just came up at work.
(BARKING)

And I'm gonna need
your help with this.

(WHIMPERS)

Oh! Oh, geez!
MASON: No, no, no!

Whoa, whoa,
whoa! (GROANS)

Get off!
Get off me!

Come here,
come here.
Ugh!

(STRAINING)
Okay, okay.

Don't worry, I think that
just means he likes you.

Yeah? Well, the feeling
is definitely not mutual.

What's this
drool machine
doing here anyway?

You don't recognize him?
This is Beethoven.

He stayed in town to
star in my commercial.

I need you to
watch him while I get
everything else ready.

Watch him? But, Mom,
I don't even like dogs,

and it's Christmas break,
I got my own stuff to do.

Can we talk about this later?

I really have a lot
I've got to get done.

Yeah, whatever.

Okay.

Here is his bed.

It's in his contract,
he has to have it handy
anytime he needs it.

Mom, really, I'm working here.

Let it be handy at home.

Okay, sweetie.

Rapidly maturing son of mine.

Oh, sorry.

Don't look so glum.

How many other kids your age

get to hang out
with a celebrity dog?

Celebrity dog?

Yeah, well, that's really
gonna help me sell
hot chocolate.

(UPBEAT CHRISTMAS SONG
PLAYING)

Come, get your picture taken

with the world-famous
celebrity dog,
Beethoven.

It makes a great Christmas gift.

Is that really Beethoven?

Wow. He looks so much
more slobbery in person.

Hi!

Here you go.

I have to give that
to my nephew,

he just loves Beethoven.

Thank you.

Next, please!

(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE)

Guess you can do
a lot more than just
drool, can't you?

(WHINES)

(HENRY SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

(SCREAMING)
Oh! Oh! Oh!

(BARKING)

Uh, Beethoven, quiet down.

You don't wanna
scare off
the customers.

Wait!

(GRUNTS)
Beethoven, stop!

What's gotten into you?

WOMAN: Ahhh!

Don't worry,
we'll be back.
Beethoven!

(BARKING)
(MAN GRUNTS)

Oh, I'm sorry.
God!

Ho, ho, ho.
Merry Christmas!
There you go.

Thank you.

(BARKING)

MAN: Merry Christmas.

Ahhh!

Ho, ho, ho...
Uh-oh.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Was that Beethoven?
(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

Ow!
Stupid mutt!

Hey, I think
that's Beethoven.
Who?

Beethoven, the world-famous dog.

Come on, let's get
this stuff inside.

There's only two more
shopping days
until Christmas,

and I wanna squeeze
every last penny
out of this place.

(GRUNTS)

Go, come on.
All right,
I'm going.

(HENRY SCREAMING)

Whoa! (SCREAMS)

Stop it!
Stop doing that!
Stop!

No, no. No!

Ahhh!

No!

Oh! (SCREAMS)

(SCREAMING)

(WHIMPERING)

Hey, get back here.

Don't tell Santa, okay?

(GRUNTING)

(BARKING)

What in the...
Hey, hey!

Listen, dog.

Can you, uh, go get help?

Can you go get
your owner
or anybody?

Just do it quickly, okay?

(BARKING)

(PANTING)
Beethoven!

Wow. That actually worked.

Beethoven, what's gotten into...

you?

Hey, hey, um,
do you think
you could

help me out of this tree?

It's kind of a...

(GROANING)
emergency!

Um, what if
I do something
to break your fall?

What? Break my fall?

Maybe we can find a solution

that doesn't involve
the words
"break" and "fall!"

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING,
GROANING)

(WHINES)

(GROANS)

(GROANING)

(CHUCKLES) Um...

Uh...
Uh, Mason.

Mason, okay.
Can I ask...

why are you dressed
like a Christmas elf,
and...

what were you doing
in that tree?

Well, I'm dressed like
a Christmas elf because

I'm a Christmas elf!
(CHUCKLES)

And, um, as for the tree...

(SIGHS) Let's just say
it had something
to do with

reindeer, Santa's sleigh, and...

the fact that I'm probably
never allowed at
the North Pole again.

Okay, well, um,
it was really nice
to meet you,

and, uh,
we really have to
get going, okay?

So, uh, come on, Beethoven.

Let's go.
Let's go.

Great job, Beethoven.

Got me rescuing
an insane guy
dressed like an elf.

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

Oh! Look, wait!

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

Wait!
(CHUCKLES
NERVOUSLY)

MAN ON TV: This Christmas,
Beethoven wants you all
to consider giving

the gift you can't
find in a store.

Rescue a pet from a shelter
and give someone
a home for the holidays.

And please become
a monthly donor
to the ASPCA.

ASPCA.
We are their voice.

888-444-1833.

DonateASPCA.com

Well, what do you think?

I think I like it.

Really?
Really.

Christine, I think you
hit this one right out
of the dog park.

Thank you for this opportunity.

Hold on a second.

What if I was to tell you,

that I have another possible
promotional opportunity
for Beethoven.

What are you talking about?

Well, I spoke with
the mayor this morning.

He told me that the town
Christmas parade this year
is gonna be televised.

Anyway, he wants Beethoven
to be the Grand Marshal
of the parade.

Isn't that fantastic?

This could be
an enormous opportunity
for the firm and for you.

But Beethoven's expected home.

Oh, don't you worry about that.

I've already made
arrangements with his owners
for all those details.

Cooper, if you do
a good job on this,

I think we can
pretty much guarantee
that promotion is yours.

What do you say?
You up for it?

Absolutely, Mr. Rexford.
Thank you.

(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)

HENRY: Wait.
Wait. Look.

Look. Hey,
I need your help
all right? Okay?

Um, look, I don't know
anyone else here, and...

I really don't know
where "here" is.

And Santa's gonna be
really upset if I don't...

Okay, look.
I'm not a 6-year-old
kid anymore.

I know that
there's no such thing
as Santa Claus.

(SCOFFS) Uh, yes, there is.

And I have to get
his magic toy bag back
before Christmas.

I think what
you need to find is
a good psychiatrist.

Maybe a whole team
of them.
What?

No! No, no, no,
I'm telling the truth.

(BARKING)

Huh, see, your dog believes me.

(CHUCKLES) He must've
saw me fall out of the sleigh,
didn't you, boy?

Where did they get him?

What if I can prove
that I can understand

what this
drool machine
is saying, huh?

How are you gonna do that?

By talking to him.

All right.

Let's see what
we have here.
Okay.

Uh, "Reindeer,
Snow Bunny,
Polar Bear, Weasel..."

"Bank Executive"?

Oh, "Dog."
Here we go.

(SPUTTERS)
Oh, talk about
dog breath.

(GRUNTS)

All right, so, Beethoven,

tell me something
about Mason that
only you would know.

Okay, I'll play along,
but you're crazier than
a calico on catnip

if you really think
you're gonna be able to
understand what I'm saying.

I can understand you
perfectly, Beethoven.

You're kidding me, right?

Wait, wait, wait.

Am I on that Animal Planet show

where they play pranks
on stupid...

No, no. You're not on
any show, Beethoven.
All right?

Just, um,
tell me something
about Mason, will you?

Okay, okay. I've only
been talking to people
for about 30 seconds,

so sorry if I'm
a little distracted.

By the way,
you wouldn't
happen to have

any sugar cookies
on you, would you?

Beethoven!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Sorry, sorry. Okay,
something about Mason.

Hmm, I don't know
too much about him,
but here goes.

(BARKING)

Ah!

Well, that's
a little exploitive.

Oh, okay, okay.
What did he... say?

Ha! Only that...

you were selling his picture
without his permission
and/or giving him a cut.

Yeah, he usually
gets 25% of
all ancillary income.

Paid in bones, of course.

So, you're telling me...

there really is a Santa Claus?

Uh, duh.

Not just some dopes
who act out a fantasy
for little kids every year?

That's right.

And you're a bonafide
Christmas elf?

Not just some whacko
who just got out
of the nuthouse.

Tell you what,
just call me Henry.

This is surreal.

His jacket
totally clashes
with his knickers.

Totally.

MASON: Come on,
you gotta let me
try it.

No. No,
I am sorry, man.

That's one thing
Santa is
very clear on.

Christmas magic is not
to be used outside any
non-North Pole employee.

Something to do with, like,
liability or insurance,
something like that.

But look, forget that.
We have bigger problems,
all right?

If I don't find Santa's toy bag

before twelve o'clock
on Christmas Eve,

then he won't have enough
time to deliver the presents
on Christmas morning.

And then I'll get stripped
of my bells.

(BEETHOVEN WHINES)

Trust me,
that's a really bad thing
up on the North Pole.

Midnight, Christmas Eve, right?

That gives us
just over 48 hours.
(BEETHOVEN BARKS)

That should be
plenty of time.
I hope so.

I would hate to see
what would happen

if that bag ended up
in the wrong hands.
(BEETHOVEN BARKS)

Honey, they have Red Rover.

I can't believe it.
All the other stores
are sold out.

Wait a second.

Is this right?
$99.99?

Why, yes.
I just priced it myself.

We thought it was supposed to be

more in
the price-range
of 20 bucks.

Pro-model, 25 extra sounds.

Syncs with his very own
online app-store.

It's the only thing
Charlie asked for
this year.

(SIGHS)
"Pro-model."

Highway robbery.

Keep the penny.

Suckers.

(LAUGHING)
They couldn't find it
anywhere else

because we stole it
from everywhere else.
Right, boss?

Ow!
Shut up!

This is our best scheme yet
and I'm not going to let
your loose lips sink it.

And what the heck
are you wearing?

It's an elf costume.
Like they wear
at the North Pole.

I know
it's an elf costume,
half-wit.

What I want to know
is why are you
wearing it?

I thought it would
help with business.

You know that
cell phone store
down the street?

They've got a guy
out front dressed
as a cell phone.

Only it's Christmas
and we don't sell
cell phones.

So I figured... Ow!

Shut up.
First of all,
you're an idiot.

Second of all, you're an idiot.

Third of all, look around.

Business is doing just fine.

In fact, this might be
my best scam since
Most Wanted Mopeds.

Ooh, or even
Most Wanted
Kitchen Appliances.

In fact,

I think it might be time
for another one of our
midnight shopping sprees.

(BOTH CACKLING)

Okay, okay,
you hit Toy Bonanza
on Route 30.

They should be restocked by now.

And I'll check out
Oy What A Toy on
Nazareth Boulevard.

And take that
stupid costume off.

You look ridiculous.

The woman at
the Halloween store...

Who charged you $40.

...said I looked
fashionably festive.

Mmm, no.

A cheap knock-off, at best.

Hey!

Sorry, everyone,
we're closing
a bit early today.

Please take your purchases

to the check-out counter now.

That's right, move along.

(CHUCKLING)

(CHEERFUL CHRISTMAS SONG
PLAYING ON RADIO)

(SINGING ALONG)
Elves wear tights
and elves wear tunics

Elves are Santa's little eunuchs

Freaks of nature.
(RADIO TURNS OFF)

(GASPS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)

What the...

lnconsiderates!

Leaving their junk
right in the middle
of the street.

(WINCING, SCREAMING)

That's twice in one day
with the same foot.

What the heck
is in here, anyway?

(MAGICAL WHOOSHING)

Toys.

What?

What the...

(LAUGHS)

Groovy.

Yes!

Oh. I'll be
ho, ho, hoed.

(PHONE DIALING)
(LINE RINGING)

KENNY: Most Wanted Toys,
may I help you?
Yeah.

Cancel the toy ride.
Okay.

I think I just found
a whole new source
of inventory.

Whatever you say, boss.
(CHUCKLES)

(STRAY DOG BARKING)

What are you looking at?

(BARKING)

Finders keepers.

(MIMICS BARKING)
(WHIMPERS)

(WHINING)

HENRY: (MUNCHING)
So this is called pizza?

(WHINES)

It's delicious. I mean,
it could use a little
bit more nutmeg,

but, hey, everything
could use a little
bit more nutmeg.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

So...
(PHONE CAMERA BEEPS)

What do you guys
eat at the North Pole?

Well, mostly milk and cookies

'cause, you know,
Santa draws up
the menu and...

Um, how about the Internet?

Do you guys have that?

We have the Winternet.
Freezes up a lot, though.

Uh, do you guys go to school?

We're supposed to,

but every day
is a snow day.
(CHUCKLES)

Holy...
(BARKS, SLOBBERS)

You know, I have to admit,
I thought you'd be shorter.

Yeah, it's
a common
misconception,

but I'm pretty average
as far as elf sizes go.

I am a member of the
National Association for the
Advancement of Larger Elves.

What else do we have wrong?
Do elves really make toys?

Uh...

Well, yeah,
all of us do like...
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

We wouldn't be elves
if we didn't make toys,
right?

What about the whole
talking-to-animals thing?
Do all elves do that?

Well, yeah.

Each and every one of us do.

Definitely not just
the stable elves.

Stable elves?

What are stable elves?
Oh!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Nothing special.

I mean, uh,
nothing important.
(DOOR OPENS)

(SIGHS)
Hello, Mason,
Beethoven, and...

Christmas elf.

Mason, is this
a friend of yours?

Uh, no, you actually
had it right the first time.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

This is Henry and,
well, he's a real-life
Christmas elf.

(HENRY CLEARS THROAT)

Greetings from
the North Pole,
my lady.

Your son was kind enough
to help me look for
Santa's toy bag.

Yeah, it fell off
the sleigh while we were
passing over your town.

Santa's toy bag?

I know what
you're thinking, Mom,
but it's true.

I mean, Beethoven
must've seen him
fly across the sky.

And, well, let's just say that

nobody's gonna
get any presents
if we don't help him.

Ah! (CHUCKLES) Okay.
I see what's going on.

Look, I appreciate you
playing along with
my son's little game,

but I am very busy tonight

and I just don't
have the energy
to play along.

No, Mom, it's not a game.

Look, Mason.

I know you're still upset
that I'm not gonna buy you
the MegaStation, but really,

getting somebody from
the Christmas setup at the
mall to play a prank on me?

What? Mom,
this isn't a prank.

He really needs our help.

Look, I hate to be rude, but...

hope you can find
your own way back
to the North Pole.

Oh. Oh, yes.
(CHUCKLES)

(MOUTHING)

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

Well,
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

(HENRY CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Really, Mason?
Christmas elf?

(BEETHOVEN SLURPING)

Hey.

I'm sorry about that.
I don't know why
I thought she'd help.

Oh, you must be
freezing out here.

Are you kidding me?

Man, compared to the North Pole,

this feels like
(IN CARIBBEAN ACCENT)
the Caribbean.

Well, I think I got
some place you can stay
until we find your bag.

(NORMAL VOICE)
Sweet.

So this is
the best I could do
on such short notice.

I know it's not like
the Four Seasons.

There's four seasons?

Huh!

Hey, are those
Christmas decorations?

Uh, yeah.

My mom didn't really
have time to decorate
the house this year.

Hmm.

I am highly offended by this.

(GASPS) No way!

Is this
a toy workbench?
What?

Not exactly.

That's my dad's,
but we did build
a toy or two on it.

Hey. Is this him?

Maybe he can
help us look.
Hmm?

Um...

My dad died last year.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

Anyway...

Here you go.

(HEATER TURNING ON)

First thing tomorrow morning,
we'll start looking
for Santa's toy bag.

"Santa's toy bag."

I can't believe those words
just came out of my mouth.

(CHUCKLES)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Sure hope being
a toy-making elf
is worth all this.

(BARKS)

(GROANS)
(BARKING CONTINUES)

Hmm? What's going on?

(BARKING)

What's this?

Your special dog bed?

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

What did you bring
it in here for?

You look like
you could use it
more than me.

Besides no one likes
an ungrateful elf.
(BARKS)

Okay, okay,
I'll try it out.
Geez.

Attitude.

(EXCLAIMS HAPPILY)

Lay down with dogs,
wake up with angels.
(LAUGHS)

This is actually
more comfortable

than my bed at the North Pole.

Thank you, Beethoven.

No problem, kid.

Well, all right.
Okay.

Want some cover?
All right.

Here we go.

(FARTING)

(SNIFFING)

(GROANS)
Come on, man.

(SMIRCH LAUGHING EVILLY)

It's endless.
(LAUGHING)

Whoa!

Endless!

This Santa guy has
got a real good racket
going on.

Wow!

Where did you get
all this great stuff?

I told you,
from Santa's
magic toy bag.

Is that
the new place
on Sycamore?

No. Santa's magic
toy bag.

His actual magic toy bag.

You know, it would
really be nice

if you could give me
a straight answer,
once in a while.

It's really insulting.

I am supposedly your partner.

If you want me to do
your laundry for you,
why don't you just ask?

Would you
like that folded
or on hangers?

Would you please give me that?

And why don't you
get started
pricing stuff.

And didn't I tell you
to take that
stupid costume off?

Yeah, but I enjoy being an elf.

Plus,
it's kind of slimming,
don't you think?

No.

Wait a minute.

That costume might
come in handy tomorrow,
after all.

Tomorrow?
What are we
doing tomorrow?

Advertising, Kenny.

A little
good old-fashioned
advertising.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

(SNORTING, LAUGHING)

HENRY: Miss Jingle,
you didn't tell me we're
under the mistletoe. Come on.

Miss Jingle.

Have you been
snacking on some liver?

(GASPS)
Morning, elf.

You know what?
You really gotta stop doing
things like that, dog.

(SPUTTERS)

All right. I know
it's time to wake up,

but you could've
just said something.

I'm a dog.
I still like to lick.

Dog!

Do you mind?
Do you mind?

(STRAINING)
Ooh, Tug-of-war.
I love this game.

(GRUNTING)

Beethoven, we need
a plan, all right?

I mean, how am I
supposed to find a toy bag
in a whole town?

It could be anywhere.

I got
a pretty good sniffer,
you know.

You got anything
I might be able to
catch a scent from?

Here.

Try this.

(SNIFFING)

Got it. Let's roll.

Wait a minute.

Are you one of those FBI,
like, sniffer dogs?

(BARKING) Come on.
What are you
waiting for?

HENRY: (SCREAMING)
Wait up!

BEETHOVEN:
Come on, elf.

Don't they do cardio
in the North Pole?

Hey, Mason, good morning.

Morning, Mom.

You're up early.

Didn't exactly go to sleep.

Gotta get this model
to the builders
by tomorrow

if I want Beethoven's float
ready for the parade.

Come here.
Tell me what you think.

Okay.

Okay, so, Beethoven's gonna sit

in this oversized
director's chair,

and then I've hired
carolers to stand
around him and sing.

Got the Hollywood sign
in the background.

And then we're gonna have
search lights and flash bulbs
go off like paparazzi.

What do you think?
Is it glitzy enough for
a star like Beethoven?

Uh...

I guess.

Come on, kiddo,
I really wanna know
what you think.

This is important.

If I do well on it,
I get that promotion.

And then
you'll be working
even longer hours.

Mason...

I know
this hasn't been
easy on you,

but this promotion's
really important
to our family.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, Mom, where are you going?

Well, the glue has to dry.

I'm gonna stick it
in the garage
till tomorrow morning.

Stop. You...
You can't
go in there.

What?
Mason, come on.

No, it's... it's your
Christmas present.

What?

Uh, yeah, I put it there
last night so I don't
want you to see it.

I was in there
last night.
I didn't see anything.

That's because
it got delivered
this morning.

No, not this morning.
It got delivered, uh,
late last night.

Last night is when...

Mason, cut it out.
Move.

Uh, Mom,
I'm so... Okay.

Uh...

Mom?

I think that
we should just, uh...

Uh, let's, uh...

Let's be in the garage.

Uh...

Just us.

It's always hardest
around the holidays,
huh?

Tell you what, why don't I see
if I can get out of work
a little early tonight?

We can go have
a nice dinner together.
How's that sound?

Yeah, it sounds great.

Now try to stay
out of here for
the next 24 hours.

That goes double for Beethoven.

Speaking of which,
where is he, anyway?

Uh, he's, um, in my room.

He actually slept
in my bed last night.

Really?
Thought you
didn't like dogs.

Yeah, but I think
he's kind of
growing on me.

Didn't you have
to get to work, Mom?

Yeah. Yeah.

Got to pitch
my float idea
to Mr. Rexford.

Hey, keep an eye
on Beethoven for me,
will you?

Of course.
I won't let him
out of my sight.

Thanks, Mason.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I'll just have to
find him first.

HENRY:
Merry Christmas.

Jingle, jingle
and a ho
to the ho, ho, ho.

You know, Beethoven,
you must be
really famous.

'Cause it seems like
every person that
lays eyes on you

is just left speechless.

Yeah, I've done a few things.

Hey, hey,
you still have
the scent?

Yep.
Okay, good.
Good, good, good.

You know, when I was
stuck in that tree, I...

I never expected
I'd be rescued
by a dog, you know?

Especially not one
like you.
(SNIFFING)

But actually
I'm glad that
it happened.

BEETHOVEN: Got it. Let's go.

(GROANS)

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

Hey, Beethoven!

BEETHOVEN:
Come on.
Keep up, elf!

(GRUNTING)
This way, pal.
This way.

Oh! Hey, listen,
if you let me
borrow this,

I will make sure
Santa brings you one
twice as good for Christmas.

Please? Please?
Please? Please?
No. No. No. No.

I said please!
Thank you.

Merry Christmas.
Whoo!

I'll bring it back later.

Help! The elves
have turned on us!

(SINGING)
Ho, ho, ho!

So come on down
and visit me,
Sylvester Smirch

And Crazy Kenny!

Here at Most...
Most...

Wanted...
Wanted...

Mattresses!
Toys!

Where you'll find...
Uh, boss?

What? We're right
in the middle of
a commercial.

Yes, I know,
but you sang,
"Most Wanted Mattresses."

I most certainly did not.

Actually, you did.

I... But...

All right, let's do it again.

Mattresses...
Toys...

Mattresses...
Toys...

Mattress... Toys...
Toys...

Mattresses...
Toys...

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

What the...

KENNY: A Christmas elf.

A Christmas elf.

HENRY: Slow down!
Slow down!

Boss, where are you going?

Got you.
Come here.

Whew!

That is
the greatest
elf costume.

Where did you get it?

Oh, thank you.
You know, Mrs. Claus
made it, so, uh...

Hang on.
(SCREAMS)

(GASPS, EXCLAIMS)

Excuse me.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Everybody, limbo!

Beethoven!

Kenny, shut up and listen.

Meet me on the west side
of the pavilion.

The west side.

Look at a map!

Beethoven!
Beethoven, stop!

Slow it down.
Slow it down.

I'm scared. I'm scared.

Stop, slow down.
Slow it down!
Beethoven!

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

Coming through.

(SCREAMS)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

Look out!

Fresh kielbasa sausage.

Get it fresh here.
Try some.

Try some kielbasa sausage.

(SCREAMING)

You okay?

KENNY: Hey, boss.
Hop in.

Drive, moron.
Drive!

I don't know what's worse.

Looking for Beethoven...

Or looking for a Christmas elf.

(STRAY DOG BARKING)

(WHIMPERING)

Hey, you stuck?

(BARKING)

Here. Let me
help you with that.

(WHINING)

There you go.

Got to be more
careful next time.

(BARKS)

(SNIFFING)

(WHINES)
All right. Go home.

Go. Shoo!

Come on, now. Go.

What, don't you have a home?

You're not a stray, are you?

Well, even if you are,
what do you want me
to do about it?

I already have one dog
that I don't want
this week.

(BARKS, WHINES)

Go.

Whatever, pooch.

What?

What?

(WHINES)

Aw, hey, boy.

Boy, it's not
your fault.
(CHUCKLES)

(STRAY DOG BARKS)
Hey, I've been looking
all over for you.

(STRAY DOG BARKS)
Hey, when did you
get another dog?

What? Oh.

No, I didn't. It's just
a stray that won't
stop following me.

A stray? Well,
what's a stray?

What? Don't you guys
have strays
in the North Pole?

They're these dogs...

Actually, forget it.
Just tell me.

Did you guys find
the toy bag or not?

We tracked down the guy
who has the bag

but it seems
he doesn't really
wanna give it up.

Does that mean
you actually saw
his face?

'Cause then
maybe we can
get a description.

This is a pretty small town.

Maybe I could recognize him.

I didn't really get a good look.

But maybe Beethoven did.

Nope. Sorry, amigo.

No?

Now this is just ridiculous.

I mean, someone had to
see a man pick up
a magic toy bag.

(STRAY DOG BARKING)

I saw him. I saw him.
He barked at me.

What was that?

I got a good look at him.

He was a mean-looking dude.

Wait, what's he saying?

(STRAY DOG BARKS)
He's saying
that he saw him.

(BARKS)
(LAUGHS)

MASON: Attaboy!

CHRISTINE:
Ready for me,
Mr. Rexford?

Ready as a rooster.
Come on in, Cooper.

New hobby?

No, new client.

This is the new X-980 rocket.

You build it,
you paint it,
you launch it.

I like to familiarize myself
with all the products
that we promote.

How is our new float
coming along?

Oh, it's great.

I've got some
really good ideas
I wanna hit you with.

Oh, good.
You just float them
right on by me.

Well, since Beethoven's
a big movie star,

I was thinking put him on
a Hollywood-themed float.

You know, with flavors
of Christmas, naturally.

Christmas.
Yes, yes, yes.

I see it in my mind's eye.

Peacocks and men in togas.

Or I was thinking,

flash bulbs and sprigs of holly.

Oh, that's even better.

That's a great idea.

Total win-win.
Great.

Only one problem.

What's that?

I want another win.
Excuse me?

That's right, Cooper.
I wanna do something that
we've never done before.

I want a win-win-win.

Okay. How do we
get the third win?

We go nationwide with this.

We get every man,
woman and child
and chipmunk alive

to watch that parade tomorrow.

You want chipmunks
to be watching?

Well, no, that's
just an expression.

I really don't think it is.

What I want you to do
is press-release
that float

like you have
never press-released
anything before.

You get it out to all
the major outlets
by tomorrow morning.

You're gonna
want to word it
just properly,

so you're gonna have to
put in a few extra hours
tonight. You up for it?

Good, Cooper,
because that is how
you get a win-win-win!

(REMOTE CLICKS)

(WOMAN EXCLAIMS)

Oops.

We're not supposed
to be here again,

but I don't wanna risk
my mom coming home

before we get the sketch done.

There should be
a drawing pad in here
somewhere.

Okay.
Who's hungry?

I am. I am.

Hey, wait. So, are you
telling me there's really
animals with no homes?

Yeah, a lot of them.

I don't get it.
Why don't people
just take them in?

(WHINES)

I... I don't know.

It is pretty crummy
if you think about it.

Don't you have
stray animals
at the North Pole?

(SCOFFS)
No. None.

In fact,
as a stable elf,
it's my job...

Stable elf?
Oops.

I thought you said
that you were
a toy-making elf.

What... what I meant
to say was... stable elves,

you know, it's their job

to make sure that
the animals in the
North Pole have homes,

but, you know,
(CHUCKLES)
I'm not one.

Nice recovery, elf.

Anyways, uh,
if this guy
didn't have a home,

then where did he come from?

Eh, I don't wanna talk about it.

I don't know.
He probably escaped from
the pound or something.

What's a pound?

It's where they put animals
who are lost
or have no homes.

I don't think
it's supposed to be
such a nice place either.

Trust me. It isn't.

Boy.
Don't worry, boy.

You're with us
now. Yeah.

Hey, don't get
his hopes up.
I can't adopt him.

(WHINES)

What? But he chose you.

(BARKS)

Chose me? (SCOFFS)

What do you mean, chose me?

(WHINES)

You better do some talking, bub.

HENRY: Well, this
one stable elf I know
told me that,

uh, people don't really
choose their animals.

It's the other way around.

And it looks to me
as if you've
been chosen.

Well, I don't wanna
be chosen, all right?

I don't understand.
I just...

don't want a dog, okay?

I mean, it'll probably
just end up getting sick,
or run off, anyway.

Oh.

I understand.

Um, that would be hard.

(CAR HONKS)

Hey, my mom's here.

Okay. I'm supposed to
go out to dinner
with her.

So that should give you
plenty of time to get
the sketch done.

Mason!
I'm home!

Oh, hey, Mom.

Honey.

Don't tell me
you were outside
in the cold.

What? Uh,
yeah, I was...

going to shovel the back walk.

What are you
up to?
Up to?

I'm not up to anything.

Can't a son just shovel

a sidewalk for his mom
without being asked?
(SCOFFS)

Not usually.

But I appreciate it.

And...

have I thanked you yet
for your help
with Beethoven?

Speaking of which,
how is our celebrity
guest, anyway?

He's great.
Been a real big help,
actually.

A help?
Help with what?

Making this the most
memorable Christmas ever.

Anyway, um, ready to go?

Go? Go where?

Uh... You said
we were going out
for dinner tonight.

Oh, sweetie. Sorry.
Something came up.

Let me guess,
at work?
Yeah.

Mr. Rexford liked
my float idea so much

that he wants me
to do a press release.

Maximize coverage, you know?

Yeah. I understand.
No problem.

(SIGHS) Honey,
when this all
blows over,

I'll make it up
to you, I promise.

We'll do something fun for
Martin Luther King weekend.

Swell. I'll break out
the civil rights
decorations.

HENRY: Tell you what?
How about we just
get started?

His eyes. Can you
describe them to me?

Were they, uh,
big and round like...

Cookies!

Beethoven, you didn't
even see his face,

how do you know
what his eyes look like?

What? Oh, no,
I was just saying
I'd like some treats.

Bet the little guy would, too.
Wouldn't you, pal?

I guess I'm a little hungry.

Listen, we don't
have time for treats
right now.

Are you kidding?
There's always
time for treats.

This is serious, okay?

So is this.

We're hungry.
Yeah.

I've been running around all day

and not once did
anyone offer me
so much as a biscuit.

I may be a Saint Bernard,

but that doesn't
mean I'm a saint.

And who knows
when the last time
this little guy ate?

A week ago, Tuesday.

By the way,
that's another part
about being a stray.

You skip a lot of meals.

He makes
a very good point,
you know?

I think we just about got him.

Hey, you know what would
really put him over the edge?

What's that?
Puppy-dog eyes.

Okay. Come on.

On three.
One, two, three...

Okay. Okay.

(GROANS)

Let me see
what I can do
for you guys.

Okay. Let's see.

Ah, here we go.

Look. Okay.
This is all I got, okay?

All natural.
Good for elves and
good for animals, too.

(SNIFFING)

One for you, and one for you.

Mmm.

Oh, boy.

These are
the yummiest things
I've ever eaten.

(BURPS)

(BURPS)

(DOGS BURPING)

Guys.

You shouldn't
have got me started.

You see, Henry,
it's quite natural.

There are billions of tiny
bacterium in our intestines
to help digestion.

Unfortunately, these bacteria
also release gases
such as methane

which prompt the expulsion,
a.k.a. burps.

Put simply,
the excess gas
in our stomach

can't all be taken in
and processed.

That's what she said.

So, it must ultimately
be released
through the mouth.

(FARTS)

Among other places.

(FARTS)

(FARTING CONTINUES)

Very classy, Beethoven.

Yeah, well, I'm studying
to be a doctor
when the acting dries up.

Not me.
I'm gonna be a canine
gas-expulsion expert.

(FARTING CONTINUES)

Can we please just get started?

Sure thing, elf. (CHUCKLES)

(FARTS)
Geez!

All right.

Here we go. Ready?

Now, uh, can you
describe him to me?

Was his face round
like a snowman
or thin like Jack Frost?

(SIZZLING)
STRAY DOG: Hmm, I don't
really know who Jack Frost is,

but he definitely didn't
look like a snowman.

Is something burning?

(SIZZLING CONTINUES)
(DOGS SNORTING, BARKING)

Is it getting
a little warm in here?

(BARKING CONTINUES)
(SCREAMING)

Every dog
for himself.
Watch it!

My mom's model!
Henry, what did you do?

We didn't do anything.
Just get out of here.
I'll handle it.

(SCREAMS)

CHRISTINE: Mason!

Mason, is something on fire...

Uh... Oops.

Really, Mom,
I didn't mean
to do it.

Really? Then what
were you doing
in the garage

when I specifically
told you
not to go in there?

And don't bother telling me
that my Christmas present
was out there this time.

Okay. Look...

I was out there

because that Christmas elf
that I brought home yesterday
was here with Beethoven.

Mason, this again?

Mom, it's true.
It's not true.

Now I'm sorry that
I have to work so much,

but punishing me for that
isn't gonna make things
any easier

on either one of us.
Do you understand?

I'm not punishing you.

You know what, Mason?

I don't have time
for this conversation
because thanks to you,

I have a press release to write

and an entire model
to rebuild before
tomorrow morning.

I am sorry to do this
to you this week,
but you're grounded.

Means you're not gonna
be leaving the house
until New Year's.

What?
I'm grounded?

I don't know what you
thought would happen,

you could've burned
the whole house down.

Well, Merry Christmas to me.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Hey. (CLEARS THROAT)
Sorry, um...

Was that my fault?

Was that your fault?

Oh, boy.
Oh, here we go.

Let's see. Did you
stupidly and irresponsibly
lose the toy bag?

Yes.
Did you idiotically
land in that tree

and intrude on all our lives?

Yes.
Did you moronically set fire
to my mother's float model?

Yes.
Yes!

It was your fault.

I just don't see it.
Oh!

What a dumb elf.

You know what?

Never mind.
Don't worry about it.

Just please tell me
that you got
a good sketch.

Oh, actually,
we just finished it.
Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)
Yeah, little guy
over there,

he's got quite some memory.

Don't you?
Yes, you do.

All right.
So, check it out.

You recognize him?

Actually, no.

What?

This is great.

I make one mistake,
one mistake,
and all this happens.

(SIGHS)

"One little mistake."
What does that mean?

Look, at this point,
I might as well just
tell you the truth.

I'm not really a toy-making elf.

You're not?

No.

I'm a stable elf.

And the whole reason
I'm here is because
I was trying not to be.

Doesn't matter.

After this disaster,

I'll be lucky
if Santa let's me
be an elf at all.

But wait, I don't get it.

Why don't you
wanna be a stable elf?

Look, all of
my other elf buddies,
they're all making toys...

and I'm just different.

What's so bad
about being different?

Anyone can buy
a toy from a store,

but being the one elf
who can talk to animals,

and help
with Santa's
magic reindeer?

That seems pretty cool to me.

Hey, you can't sleep there.

Okay, I got to admit.
You're kind of cute.

(WHINES)
And you look
pretty comfy.

Don't get used to it, okay?

I meant what I said yesterday.

You can't stay here.

(WHINES)

Yeah, that's right, Santa.
You won't be able to deliver
any presents because of me.

But hey...

there's always next year, right?

(EXHALES)
Who am I kidding?

It's Coal City for me.

Hey, don't beat
yourself up, H-man.

You're still
the coolest elf
I've ever met.

Of course,
you're the only elf
I've ever met,

but you shouldn't
let that affect
the compliment.

Well, thank you, Beethoven.

Hey.

If there were
more animals like you
at the North Pole,

I would be happy
to be a stable elf.

Aw, really?

Come here.
Give me some sugar.

Oh, you still gotta stop
doing that, though.

(GROANS)

You gotta get used to it.

It's a real
show of affection
in the dog world.

We dogs love to lick.

SMIRCH: (SINGING ON TV)
Ho, ho, ho!
Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho, ho!

(BARKING)

Quiet!
You'll wake up
my mom.

(BARKING)
Visit me,
Sylvester Smirch.

(BARKS)
It's him!
It's him!

No, no, no, he's saying
that that's the guy that
stole Santa's toy bag.

Where all the hottest toys...

Will be in stock.
That's right.

It's almost
as if we have
an endless supply.

Oh! Oh!

That's Santa's toy bag!
We found it. Yes!

Good work, guys.

Rub my belly.
Rub my belly.

Hey, calm down, elf.

Come on, big fella,
move those big bones.

I'm coming.
I'm coming.

Hold on to your whiskers.

Okay. So my mom
would kill me

if I left the house
while I was grounded.

So, you guys are gonna
take this one yourself.

No problemo.

You know, I'm thinking
these two fur balls

can handle it all by themselves.

You got that right, elf.

STRAY DOG: On our way.
Operation Red Bag,
here we come.

(OVER SPEAKERS)
Merry Christmas, shoppers.
Sylvester Smirch here.

Welcome to Most Wanted Toys.

Don't forget to stop by the
Shop Till You Drop Corner

for the hottest
and most wanted toys.

These prices,
ridiculous.
Ridiculous!

But I've been to every
other toy store in town,
they're all sold out.

This guy really
does seem to have
an endless supply.

(SCREAMS)
Everyone!
(PEOPLE GASP)

Wait. Okay?

You guys cannot buy these toys.

These toys are supposed
to be going to kids
all around the world.

What are you talking about?

What I'm talking about
is these toys are stolen!

(PEOPLE GASPING)

That's right. These toys
do not belong to
the owner of this store.

Elf trouble.

You're saying
these toys
are stolen?

They are stolen
directly from
Santa himself.

That's right, everyone.

Uh, the prices are so low,

it's as if these toys
are stolen from
Santa himself.

(LAUGHS) Just a little
viral marketing, folks.

That concludes our
twelve o'clock show.

Great show.

There will be
additional performances
throughout the day.

What you talking about, Smirch?

Uh, folks,
please ignore Binky,
the drunken elf here.

He's had a little
too much eggnog
this morning. (LAUGHS)

Oh!

Kenny, rip these
nice people off.
Uh...

I mean, ring these
nice people up.
I'll be right back.

Get out.

Hey, you listen
to me, all right?

I am not leaving here
without Santa's toy bag.
(BARKS)

If you're not gone
in the next
three minutes,

I'm going to call the police.

And who do you
think they're going
to believe?

A taxpaying merchant
with a lease
and a permit

or little Mr. Fancy Pants
and his mangy-mutt parade?

Hey!

Chop-chop. Let's shop.

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

All right.
Look, we have to
get back in there.

I wonder if they sell
chewy toys in there.

HENRY: Hey. You see that
small window in the back?
(STRAY DOG BARKS)

All right, here's the plan.

I can create
a diversion out here

and you guys
can sneak around
and grab the bag.

(CHUCKLES)
I think I can
handle that.

But how... how am I
gonna do that?

Hey, elf.

Not now, Beethoven.

Can't you hear that music?

Beethoven, seriously, all right?

This is no time for music, okay?

We're trying to think
of a plan here.

Music is the plan, silly.

What do you mean,
"Music is the plan"?

Come on, elf.
Get moving.

Whoa! Whoa, whoa.

(SINGING CHRISTMAS CAROL)

Now, go.
Go. Go. Go. Go.

Whoa, all right,
they call you Beethoven
for a reason, huh?

(BARKS)

Come on.
Let's go,
little guy.

Right behind you.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

Hey, hey. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Hey, hey.

Um, I'm new in town
and I would love to be
a part of your group.

Dude, do you
ever wear your
regular clothes?

Who are you, anyway?

The name's Presley.

Elfis Presley.

Anyways, um,
would you guys be interested
in taking a new member?

Uh, not really.
HENRY: Oh, come on.

Please. Please. Please.
Easy, Presley.

Don't get your bells in a bunch.

Just stay in tune.
Don't frighten anyone,
capisce?

(LAUGHING) Yeah.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

Here you go, three more.

Oh, boy!
Christmas carolers.

Don't even think about it.

Wha...
Just one song.

I mean, everybody loves
Christmas music, right?

Wrong.

Besides,

it's probably
just another trick
by that irritating elf.

(SNICKERS)
Oh, come on!

An entire crowd
of Christmas carolers?

I'll make you a deal.

We get to listen to
one Christmas carol,

and you don't have to buy me
a Christmas present this year.

I wasn't going to get you
a Christmas present anyway.

Please, boss,
with candy canes
on top. Come on!

I just wanna hear
the Christmas carolers!

Oh, all right.
If it'll shut you up.

It will.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

No, no, no, boss.
One song.

For the memories.

(SNIFFING)

STRAY DOG:
Good thing I'm comfortable
around garbage.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

I am in hell.

I wonder
if this is considered
barking and entering.

(SINGING CONTINUES)

BEETHOVEN: Come on.
Let me in.

BEETHOVEN: What are
you waiting for?
(GRUNTS)

I'm freezing
my jingle bells off
out here.

HENRY: (SINGING)
December is all work
and no play

...hours
of an average
working day

I'll try to
make it through
Christmas Day

(HENRY CHUCKLES)

Wait a second.

Those aren't the lyrics.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Oh, what?

You don't know that verse?

Hey! It's that
insane elf.

Where?

But then, where is...

Santa's bag!

Get back here with that

HENRY: Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me!

Hold this.

Let go.
(GROWLING)

Give me that!

Give it to me,
you bloated flea bag!

Ow!

Mommy!

Good boy, Beethoven.

I'll take it
from here.
(BARKING)

No!

I got it!
I actually got it!
(LAUGHS)

Oh!

(GRUNTING)

SMIRCH: Officer.

I'd like to report a robbery

and a canine assault.

Listen, all right?

I am not the one
who stole the
toy bag, okay?

It was him.
It was that guy
right there.

Uh-huh,
tell it to the judge,
Christmas elf.

In the meantime,
you have the right
to remain silent...

(SINGING)
Silent night
Holy night

All is calm All is bright

Cram it, carolers.

How rude!

(ALL EXCLAIMING SCORNFULLY)

All right, get in the cruiser.

HENRY: Wait, no.
Stop it.

(PANTING)

You take that stray
to the shelter.
(WHINES)

Ta-ta.

Mr. Smirch,
I'll meet you back at
the police station.

You stay there.
No!

Thank you, Officer.

No!
You are a grumpy,
grouchy, evil person!

They made me do it.

(POLICE CAR STARTS)

(SIREN WAILING)

(WHINES)

(PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Ah, just needs
more Christmas stuff.

You know, like,
do you think
we can get

some of those
big Christmas balls?

Christmas balls?
Yeah.

You know, those big,
colorful ornament balls?

Oh, and some sprigs of holly,

you know, for
Holly... wood?

Big Christmas balls
and sprigs of holly?

Sure, I'll rustle
some up right now.

(SIREN WAILING)

Wonder what's going on.

I heard some nut
dressed like
a Christmas elf

got arrested for
robbing a toy store.

REXFORD: Christine?

This is our float?

CHRISTINE:
Hi, Mr. Rexford. Yes.

Um, listen,
I know it's a little different
from what we discussed,

but there were
some problems
with the model,

so we had to make
a few small changes.

Problem with the model?
What sort of problem?

Uh, it's kind of a long story.

Don't you worry,
float's gonna
be great.

Needs balls.
Excuse me?

You know, those big,
colorful ornament balls.

You have some of those?

Of course,
Mr. Rexford.

REXFORD: And how
about some little
wrapped presents, too?

I mean, for heaven's sakes,

that's what Christmas is about,

glitz and glamour
and... and presents.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Lots and lots
of presents.

Hello.

Inga!

(CHUCKLES)
My little
Swedish meatball.

I'm so glad you got my tweet.

(BARKING)

Beethoven.
(BARKING)

What happened?

Where's Henry
and the little guy?

(BARKS)
Man, I wish I could
understand you.

Hey, Mason.
Mom, I need to talk
to you about something.

What? What's wrong?
It's the elf. I...

I think he may be
in trouble.
Let me guess.

Your little elf friend
knocked over
a toy store

and now
you want me
to post bail?

Hey, buddy.
No, Mom, listen.

There's really something wrong.

We are not having
this conversation,
Mason,

because I need to
get Beethoven ready
for the parade.

(BARKS)
Oh!

See, Mom?

Even Beethoven's
trying to tell you
something.

Can't you just put
your stupid job aside
for one second

and just listen to me?

I do listen
to you, Mason.
No, you don't.

Ever since Dad died
it's like you barely
pay attention to me at all.

It's like you died, too.

And you know what?
If Dad was here,

he'd listen to me.

I just know he would.

(WHINES)

Have I really been that absent?

(GRUNTS)

What am I talking
to you for?
You can't talk.

(GRUNTS)

Beethoven!

Where you going?

(BEETHOVEN PANTING)

Beethoven, what are you doing?

(BARKS)
What've you got?

A candy cane?

I don't want a candy cane
right now, Beethoven.

Okay...

Okay. Okay,
I'll have a candy cane.

I'll have a candy cane.

Oh, that is horrible.

Oh, what kind of
candy cane is this?

The kind that turns this...

(BARKS)

...into this.

Hey, good-looking,
how you doing?

What's going on?

What's going on
is it's time for you

to get your nose
out of your butt
and listen to Mason.

He's telling the truth,
you know.

While you've been out
chasing your tail,

we've been trying
to save Christmas,
doggone it.

But you...

can't talk.

Oh, just get over it already.

It's elf magic, all right?

You know,
from that real
Christmas elf

who's living in your garage?

He's got a whole
bag of tricks
out there.

Berries that make reindeer fly,

candy canes that let us
have this cute little
conversation we're having.

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

I'm...

I'm talking to Beethoven.

No, I'm the one
doing all the talking

and you're just standing there

with the dopey look
on your face.

Now, are you gonna help
Mason save Christmas,
or what?

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Hey.

If we're gonna get
that magic toy bag
back to Santa in time,

we better get going.

You believe me?

Mason...

I am so sorry
if I haven't been
there for you.

After your dad died,

I was just so scared, you know?

Scared of what?

Not being able
to be a mom and a dad.

I guess
by trying to be both,
I stopped being either.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

I guess I didn't think
about how hard it was
for you.

I'll try to remember
that the next time

you need me
to help you out
with something.

But hey,

it's always hardest
around the holidays,
right?

Yeah, that's right.

(KISSES)

All right.

Let's get going.
What are we waiting for?

Beethoven told me that
your little elf friend
really is in jail.

Jail?

You're not gonna
get away with this,
whoever you are.

And when
Santa finds out
who you are,

oh, you are gonna be

in so much trouble, mister.

I am talking
"naughty list" for life.

I want to press charges!

I want to throw
the book at him,
or Kindle.

Whatever's available.

Hey! Will you just
give me the bag back?

Look, where is your
Christmas spirit?

So, are we done here?

Uh, yes, sir,
Mr. Smirch.

Uh, Merry Christmas.
What?

Oh, uh, ditto.

Can you at least
give it back
when it runs out?

What did you say?

The bag,
will you consider
giving it back to me

after the toys run out?

Uh, I'll just
humor him,
you know.

Perhaps he'll slip up
and say something
we can use against him.

What's this all about, elfy?

When exactly
will the bag run out?

I don't know.

But at the rate
you're going,
probably soon.

The elves
only made enough toys
for one year.

Only made enough?

Oh, that's right.

You little creeps
actually made
all those toys.

(CHUCKLES CUNNINGLY)

Officer,
I have decided
not to press charges.

What? You have?

Yes, after all it is Christmas.

In fact, I think
I'd like to offer

this strangely dressed
young fellow
a ride home. (CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

CHRISTINE:
Excuse me.

We need to bail out an, um, elf.

OFFICER: Sorry,
he's already gone.

That guy who owns the toy store

decided not to
press charges
after all.

Even gave him a ride home, too.

Mom, he's got to be
up to something.

Let's go.
(BARKS)

Beethoven says,
"Yes."
I know.

I don't get it, boss.

Why are we leaving, again?

Because now that
we have the elf,

we have
all we'll ever need
to make money

for the rest of our lives.

No, no, no, no.

I don't actually know
how to make toys.

I explained this to you.

This is just a costume.

I picked it up at
the Halloween store...

I'm not talking about you.

I am talking about this elf.

This real Christmas elf.

You're saying
that's a real
Christmas elf?

(HENRY GRUNTING)

No wonder
his costume
is so good.

But, wait.
We're kidnapping him?

Yes. Don't you see?

He is even better than the bag.

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)
That is going to
run out.

But he will be able to
make us all the inventory
we'll ever need forever!

Kenny.

Give a man a bowl of rice
and you feed him for a day.

But give him an elf
who can make rice

and then
we steal the elf,
we eat forever!

Look, I'm telling you,
I don't know
how to make toys, okay?

The one time I tried,
it was a disaster.

Right. A Christmas elf
who does not know
how to make toys.

That's a good one.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, Santa was right.
Maybe I am better at...

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

But, boss,
if that's a real
Christmas elf,

then that must be
Santa's actual
magic toy bag.

Boss, this isn't right.
We shouldn't be
doing this.

Kenny,
haven't I always
steered you right?

"Eat a good
breakfast, Kenny."

"Wear your
warm hat, Kenny."

"Don't eat
the yellow snow,
Kenny."

Hold it
right there, Smirch.
(BEETHOVEN BARKS)

I believe you have
some things that
don't belong to you.

Yes, I do.

And I'm not giving them back.

Cover me, Kenny.

(GRUNTING)

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)

Now you see him...
(MUFFLED)
No, no, no.

(CACKLING)

...now you don't.

Henry!

Mom, I got it.

Come on, Kenny.

Ha, ha!

Ha, ha!

Ha, ha!

Okay, come on, we gotta get him.

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

I hate Christmas.

What are we gonna do?

Two words: Run.

(BEETHOVEN BARKS)
MASON: Come on!

(UPBEAT CHRISTMAS SONG
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS)

Boss! Boss!

I don't wanna
be a part of this
anymore.

Shut up.

(SONG CONTINUES)

Yes!

Oh, Santa, just what
I always wanted.

How...
How did you...

(CHUCKLES)

No, I want the red one!

All right.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Look, we've gone
too far this time.

I mean, stealing
old mattresses
is one thing,

but stealing Christmas
is another.

Kenny, you're fired!

Oh, yeah?
Fine!

I'm going back to Boca Raton!

Only, could you
forward my mail
to my mother's house?

(HONKING)
Move it, monkey.
Out of my way!

(HONKING)
Coming through!

Look out!

Get away, kid,
you bother me!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

SMIRCH: Move it
or lose it!

(LAUGHS)

Uh-oh.

Mommy!

(SCREAMING)

(CROWD EXCLAIMING)

(SIRENS APPROACHING)

MAN ON RADIO:
Suspect Smirch
wanted for toy theft

last spotted near
the Beethoven float.

Be alert,
suspect is stupid
and dangerous.

(CROWD CLAMORING)

You again?

(WOOD SNAPPING)

(SCREAMING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Okay, that was awesome.

It actually was.

There's the bag.

(HENRY GRUNTING)

Anybody hurt?

Man, you know this thing
has a lot less room
than you think.

Now I recognize you.

You're that thief who sold me

an overpriced mattress
three months ago.

Uh, sorry, not me.

Must have been
another, uh,
Christmas ball.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

The guy's nuts.
Grab him.

OFFICER: Ha!
We finally got you,
Smirch.

This parade
is really starting
to rain on my parade.

MASON: Sorry, Mom.

I know this float
was really important
to your job.

And...
and I'm sorry, too,
Mrs. Cooper, um...

I really appreciate
all that you've done
for me.

Christine, there you are.
I heard there was
an accident.

Oh, good heavens, no.

Not the big ball.

I'm so sorry,
Mr. Rexford.

But I'm afraid
it's not gonna be...

HENRY: Anything
you expected.

It's... it's gonna
be better.

Yeah it's a...

My mom's been
working on
a new idea

and it's gonna be cooler
and more appropriate
for Beethoven.

(BARKS)

REXFORD: Is that so?

Well, then, Christine,
what have you
been up to?

You're just gonna
have to wait
and see the parade.

Yep.

It's gonna be great.

(BARKS)

(PARADE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER: And now,
please give a warm welcome
to your Grand Marshal,

superstar dog, Beethoven.

(CROWD CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER:
In partnership
with the ASPCA,

Beethoven would like to
send you all a message
this Christmas.

Rescue a pet from a shelter

and give someone
a home for the holidays.

And please become
a monthly donor
to the ASPCA today.

MASON: Beethoven!

(ALL CHEERING)

Ah, another partnership
between Beethoven
and the ASPCA.

Now that's what
I call a win-win-win.
(CHUCKLES)

Good work, Cooper.

I've said it once,
I've said it
a thousand times,

Christmas isn't
all about glitz and
glamour and presents.

It's about goodwill,
and helping
your fellow man.

(BARKS)

(CHUCKLES)
And dog.

Thank you,
Mr. Rexford.

But I can't take all the credit.

It was Mason's idea
to include the animals
from the shelter.

REXFORD: Really?

Apparently the talent
runs pretty deep
in your family.

Well, I think
it's safe to say,
Christine,

that you have got
that promotion.

Oh, thank you!
Thank you,
Mr. Rexford.

I can't take it.

Unless it means that
I can spend more time
at home with my son.

Well, now that you think of it,

that probably wouldn't
be the worst thing for
our company, either.

(REXFORD CHUCKLES)

I tell you what,
you tell me what schedule
you want to work on,

and I promise you,
we'll arrange it.

Thank you, Mr. Rexford.

Thank you.

Thank you so much
for your help on this.

Tell you what,

tomorrow why don't we go down

and pick you up
one of those
MegaStations?

Huh?

Actually, Mom, I've decided that

there are more
constructive uses
of my time.

Like maybe taking care of a dog.

What do you say?
Keep him?

Thought you didn't like dogs.

I didn't
think so either,
but he chose me.

Welcome to the family,
little guy.

Thanks, Mom.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, baby.

Hey, guys, do you think
that we can get me
back to the North Pole?

My bells are still
on the line here.

Oh! Yeah.
Yeah.

(PARADE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(CROWD CHEERING)

You think you can
make it back
in this?

Yeah, I mean,
it looks fine,
but one problem.

Who's supposed to fly it?
(BEETHOVEN BARKS)

BEETHOVEN:
Come on, elf.
The magic berries.

If they can make a reindeer fly,

then they can make a dog fly.

Well, so long, Mason.

I just wanna thank you so much

for helping me
find Santa's toy bag.

Couldn't have done it
without you, man.

And I wanna thank you
for something else, too.

What's that?

For helping me see
that Santa was right
about me.

You know, I am a stable elf.

And...

different or not,

I wouldn't wanna be
anything else.

No problem, Henry.

And I guess
I should thank you
for something, too.

Thanks for making me
realize that

believing in Santa Claus
is definitely not
a little kid thing.

I am gonna need some time

for the tooth fairy
and Easter Bunny,
though.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Yeah, all right.

Merry Christmas.

All right.
Merry Christmas!

You ready,
Beethoven?
(BARKS)

Onward!

(LAUGHS HEARTILY)
Good-bye,
big fella.

Good-bye! Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.

(BEETHOVEN BARKING)
(EXCLAIMS)

CHRISTINE: Bye, Beethoven!

Hold on.

HENRY: Coming home.
BEETHOVEN: Here we go.

MASON: See you later,
Beethoven.

HENRY: Merry Christmas, guys!

STRAY DOG:
Merry Christmas!

So what are you gonna name him?

I think
I'm gonna name him
after someone

who really
helped us out
this Christmas.

Hey, what do you think
of the name Henry
or Hank for short?

(BARKS)

HENRY: So long!

(CHUCKLES)
Merry Christmas!

NARRATOR: In the end,
Santa made all his deliveries,

and the holiday hit
no further snag.

Though it's important
to point out

that the best gifts
received that year

came not from his bag.

For little Hank, it was a home,

and a happy one at that.

For Henry, it was a calling
he would never give back.

For Christine and Mason,
it was something
enduring and true,

the gift of a healing
that was long overdue.

And as for
our old friend Beethoven,

it was the thanks
of one very grateful elf.

As well as a special ride home
from the big man himself.

(INSTRUMENTAL CHRISTMAS MUSIC
PLAYING)

Merry Christmas, one and all.

Humanity has been saved!

A helpless child's
ski-board is now
back in his arms.

Oh, joy!
Oh, rapture!
Merry Christmas!

Ahhh!

I was wrong again!

People are crooks!

They took my new ski-board!

Oh, the inhumanity of it all!

(UPBEAT CHRISTMAS SONG
PLAYING)