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1
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:07,992
If the world
In which you're living
2
00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:10,192
Gets a bit too much to bear
3
00:00:10,192 --> 00:00:13,992
And you need someone to lean on
4
00:00:13,992 --> 00:00:15,992
When you look there's no-one there
5
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:19,192
You're gonna find me
6
00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:21,992
Out in the country
7
00:00:21,992 --> 00:00:24,992
Yeah, you're gonna find me
8
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,512
THUNDER RUMBLES
Way out in the country.
9
00:00:27,512 --> 00:00:28,992
SHEEP BLEATS
10
00:00:36,381 --> 00:00:37,421
HE SIGHS
11
00:00:37,421 --> 00:00:39,381
Thanks.
What's the matter?
12
00:00:39,381 --> 00:00:41,381
Oh, it's this stupid company
in Middlesbrough.
13
00:00:41,381 --> 00:00:43,581
They're still not happy
with their website.
14
00:00:43,581 --> 00:00:45,381
"Can it be exciting and dynamic?"
15
00:00:45,381 --> 00:00:46,381
"No, cos you sell stairlifts.
16
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:49,381
"If you want exciting and dynamic,
stick a rocket on them."
17
00:00:49,381 --> 00:00:51,741
Have you ever thought about
working for social services?
18
00:00:51,741 --> 00:00:54,381
I mean, their customers
aren't interested in websites.
19
00:00:54,381 --> 00:00:55,741
They don't do online shopping.
20
00:00:55,741 --> 00:00:58,381
They like the personal touch
where they can go into a showroom
21
00:00:58,381 --> 00:01:00,381
and bang on about
their grandchildren.
22
00:01:00,381 --> 00:01:02,381
I think you should take a break.
You've been at it all day.
23
00:01:02,381 --> 00:01:04,381
You need to switch off for a bit.
24
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:07,381
Watch some cats playing piano
on YouTube or something.
25
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:20,381
CAT PLAYS: 'Nocturne op.9 No.2'
by Frederic Chopin
26
00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:24,381
HE CHUCKLES
27
00:01:25,381 --> 00:01:27,381
HE LAUGHS
28
00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:28,381
KNOCKING ON WINDOW
29
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:29,381
BOTH: Coo-eee!
30
00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:35,381
I bet he told you he was working.
31
00:01:35,381 --> 00:01:37,901
He was watching pussycats,
wasn't he?
32
00:01:37,901 --> 00:01:39,381
Oh, Steve...
33
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:42,381
And the cat was playing the piano.
Who's cat is it?
34
00:01:42,381 --> 00:01:44,061
How the hell should I know?!
35
00:01:45,381 --> 00:01:47,061
Sorry, er...
36
00:01:47,061 --> 00:01:48,741
It was a cat on YouTube.
37
00:01:49,904 --> 00:01:51,664
Why don't you two
go and play outside?
38
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:56,064
Anyway, the reason we came round,
you know the fundraising week?
39
00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:58,064
To buy a defibrillator
for the village hall.
40
00:01:58,064 --> 00:02:00,064
Everyone's doing their bit.
41
00:02:00,064 --> 00:02:02,064
So we thought,
"Why not challenge Nicky and Steve
42
00:02:02,064 --> 00:02:04,064
"to a charity dine-off?"
43
00:02:04,064 --> 00:02:06,064
You mean like Come Dine With Me?
Sort of.
44
00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:09,064
I've made a few improvements.
It'll be great fun.
45
00:02:09,064 --> 00:02:11,064
We each host a dinner party.
46
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,064
At the end of the meal, the guests
decide how much it was worth
47
00:02:13,064 --> 00:02:15,064
and donate that amount
to the fundraiser.
48
00:02:15,064 --> 00:02:18,064
What, so the winner is the one
whose dinner raises the most money?
49
00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:21,264
Well, it's not really about winning.
I mean, the village is the winner.
50
00:02:22,104 --> 00:02:25,064
But there will be a winner, yeah.
51
00:02:28,904 --> 00:02:31,064
I know, Dad, but it's for everyone.
52
00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:34,064
That's the whole point
of an emergency defibrillator.
53
00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:37,064
You can't put a sign on it saying,
"Not for use on Ralph Norris."
54
00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:40,064
All right, yeah.
55
00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:41,264
Bye, then.
56
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:43,064
How's it going?
Yeah. All done.
57
00:02:43,064 --> 00:02:44,064
See?
58
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,104
I was right.
You just needed a break.
59
00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:48,064
Chaperone Stairlifts finally settled
60
00:02:48,064 --> 00:02:52,064
for an exciting and dynamic
background tone of beige.
61
00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:54,064
After all that?
Yeah, still.
62
00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:56,064
At least it's finished.
Good.
63
00:02:56,064 --> 00:02:59,064
In that case,
you can help me dad tomorrow.
64
00:02:59,064 --> 00:03:01,064
Help your dad, doing what?
65
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:03,424
He's just laying a path
in his garden
66
00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:06,064
and needs a hand lifting
a few concrete slabs.Oh, great!
67
00:03:06,064 --> 00:03:09,064
Oh, it'll only take half an hour.
He's worried about his back.
68
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:12,064
Yeah, but not mine, obviously. It'll
do you good, a bit of exercise.
69
00:03:12,064 --> 00:03:15,064
Work up an appetite
for these dinner parties.
70
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,064
Oh, yeah, I can't wait.
71
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,064
An intimate evening with those two
quinoa-eating toss pots.
72
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:29,501
It's five past.
I thought we said ten o'clock.
73
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,501
Are you paying him by the hour,
then?
74
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:34,501
Right, come on, Mr Universe,
let's get those slabs lifted.
75
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:37,501
You'll be wanting these.
76
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:40,021
Great, thanks.
77
00:03:40,021 --> 00:03:42,501
Right, I'm going to nip to the shop.
I'll be back in a bit.
78
00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:43,501
Don't work him too hard.
79
00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:45,501
I don't think he has that setting.
80
00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:52,330
Morning!
81
00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:56,330
MAN: Yeah, we'll have two cases
of them.
82
00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:59,330
Oh, hang on, I'll check.
83
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,330
Shannon!
84
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:03,330
Do we need any more bleach?
85
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,530
You what?
86
00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:08,330
Do we need to order more bleach?
87
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,010
I'll have a look.
88
00:04:12,694 --> 00:04:13,694
Have we got any bleach?
89
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,069
Erm...
90
00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:19,069
It should be on t'bottom shelf.
91
00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:21,909
Next to t'lemonade.
92
00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:29,913
I said,
"They're not the Elgin Marbles.
93
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:33,913
"I'll give you 30 quid for the lot."
No, that is a good price, Ken.
94
00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:36,913
It might be quicker
if you did two at a time.
95
00:04:37,429 --> 00:04:40,429
Yeah, they are pretty heavy,
actually.
96
00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:44,599
So, Nicky tells me you've arranged
a charity dinner party.
97
00:04:44,599 --> 00:04:47,119
Well, we thought we might as well
show willing.
98
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:49,759
It is for the village, after all.
99
00:04:49,759 --> 00:04:51,079
Sounds like a daft idea to me.
100
00:04:51,079 --> 00:04:56,079
So, are you doing anything, Ken, you
know, for the fundraising week? Me?
101
00:04:56,079 --> 00:04:58,079
I'm cycling round France.
Are you?
102
00:04:58,079 --> 00:05:00,079
Then I'm doing a triathlon.
103
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:03,079
After that, a parachute jump.
Right.
104
00:05:03,079 --> 00:05:04,079
No, we had a whip-round
at the darts.
105
00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:07,079
Stan passed his hat around,
raised 24 quid.
106
00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:10,079
Now all we've got to do
is get the Brylcreem off it.
107
00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:13,079
Careful, they're not cheap, those.
108
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,760
You've got four packets.
109
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,400
Four custard powder!
110
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,400
What about gravy granules?
111
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,400
What about...?
You've got three.
112
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,400
Can I just pay for these?
Three gravy granules!
113
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,400
?2.40.
114
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,400
Will you sponsor us?
It's for a defibrillator.
115
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,400
We're doing a sponsored drive.
Oh, where are you going?
116
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,920
Me sister's in Bradford.
117
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,400
Don't you go there
most weekends anyway?
118
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,400
Yeah.
119
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,400
Got to do our bit, in't we?
120
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,400
Oh, absolutely.
121
00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,782
Me and Steve,
we're doing a charity dine-off.
122
00:05:46,782 --> 00:05:48,782
You know, like Come Dine With Me.
123
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,782
What are you doing
for entertainment?
124
00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,782
Oh, we hadn't really
thought about it.
125
00:05:52,782 --> 00:05:54,782
You need entertainment
or they'll mark you down.
126
00:05:54,782 --> 00:05:57,782
Slag you off in t'taxi
on t'way home.
127
00:06:03,225 --> 00:06:05,545
Magic Malcolm?
He's Shannon's cousin.
128
00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:08,545
Oh, great, someone who's learnt
card tricks in prison.
129
00:06:08,545 --> 00:06:09,545
I couldn't say no. It was either him
130
00:06:09,545 --> 00:06:11,545
or Shannon was offering
to come and do karaoke.
131
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,545
How much is he charging?
25 quid.
132
00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:14,545
Ooph...
I know.
133
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,545
But think of it as 25 quid
134
00:06:16,545 --> 00:06:18,545
to not watch Shannon
screeching Simply The Best.
135
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:22,225
Let's hope he's good. Maybe he can
make Matt and Meena disappear. Hm.
136
00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:24,304
Is that Grizzo?
137
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:27,264
It looks like he's taken up
horse riding.
138
00:06:27,264 --> 00:06:28,304
Bit sedate for him,
I'd have thought.
139
00:06:33,264 --> 00:06:35,264
CAMEL HONKS
140
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,624
Oh, my mistake.
141
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,264
Ha-hey!
Nicky, Steve, are you all right?
142
00:06:40,264 --> 00:06:42,264
Where did you get that?
What, this?
143
00:06:42,264 --> 00:06:45,264
Versace, I think.
I meant the camel.
144
00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:46,264
Oh! Right, yeah.
145
00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:49,264
What it was, I've started
this new dairy-free thing
146
00:06:49,264 --> 00:06:50,264
cos it helps you concentrate.
147
00:06:50,264 --> 00:06:52,264
The thing is,
I've got to have milk in my tea.
148
00:06:52,264 --> 00:06:55,104
So a mate says,
"Why not try camel milk?"
149
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,264
I thought,
"I might as well give it a go."
150
00:06:56,264 --> 00:06:58,944
It turns out there's a geezer
in Cornwall selling them.
151
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,264
So I borrowed a horse transporter,
drove through the night,
152
00:07:01,264 --> 00:07:03,264
come back the next day
with this beauty.
153
00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:04,784
Can't you just buy camel milk?
154
00:07:04,784 --> 00:07:05,944
Er...
155
00:07:05,944 --> 00:07:07,264
That's a good point, actually.
156
00:07:07,264 --> 00:07:09,264
Yeah, I might look into that.
Cheers.
157
00:07:09,264 --> 00:07:11,264
Anyway, see you.
158
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:12,690
Hup! Hup! Hup!
159
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,690
We just have to remember it's
for a good cause.Is it, though?
160
00:07:22,690 --> 00:07:25,690
A defibrillator? A nice big heart
attack is my way out of this place.
161
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:29,210
Oh, lovely.Maybe I could get
a "do not resuscitate" badge.
162
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:31,990
You should say a few words at
the unveiling. It'd be quite moving.
163
00:07:32,023 --> 00:07:35,383
Anyway, there you go.
One vegetarian shepherd's pie.
164
00:07:35,383 --> 00:07:37,023
It looks all right.
165
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,023
Bit of a stupid name,
though, isn't it?
166
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,023
I mean,
why even mention the shepherd?
167
00:07:41,023 --> 00:07:43,023
The important thing is
we remembered the vegetarians.
168
00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:45,703
I wouldn't mind,
but when we go round to their place,
169
00:07:45,703 --> 00:07:49,023
by rights, they should have to cook
meat. That's my dietary requirement.
170
00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,703
I like meat. So, please, cook some.
You sound like my dad.
171
00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:54,023
He actually once said that vegans
shouldn't be allowed to drive
172
00:07:54,023 --> 00:07:56,023
cos they might faint at the wheel.
173
00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:57,136
Well...
174
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:01,747
How are the starters coming on?
The home-made mushroom tartlets?
175
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,707
The packet was a bit tricky to open,
but I'm pleased with them.
176
00:08:04,707 --> 00:08:07,707
Thank God for the superstore,
even if it is a two-hour drive.
177
00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,707
I mean, why do we have to go
to all this trouble?
178
00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:11,707
Why not just give the money
to the fundraising week?
179
00:08:11,707 --> 00:08:14,707
Because that would be missing the
whole point of a charity dine-off.
180
00:08:14,707 --> 00:08:17,707
Making Matt look better than us.
Yeah...
181
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:23,707
Mm, that smells yummy.
182
00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:25,387
So, who's looking after...?
183
00:08:26,816 --> 00:08:28,816
Silas and Pips.
Yeah, them.
184
00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:31,816
My sister's doing the honours.
She's great with kids.
185
00:08:31,816 --> 00:08:34,816
Taught them how to make paper
last time.How do you make paper?
186
00:08:34,816 --> 00:08:36,816
It's really easy.
You just get some scrap paper.
187
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,816
You tear it into pieces.
Soak it in some water.
188
00:08:38,816 --> 00:08:40,816
Pulp it with a pestle and mortar.
Add starch.
189
00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:42,816
Pour it into a frame.
Press it. Dry it.
190
00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:44,816
Voila.
There's your paper.
191
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,016
But didn't you start off with paper?
192
00:08:48,816 --> 00:08:50,816
Anyway, the kids loved it.
193
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:52,816
This is lovely.
194
00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:55,816
Mm...
Is it all right?
195
00:08:55,816 --> 00:08:57,336
Yeah, it's...fine.
196
00:08:58,816 --> 00:09:00,336
It could have been
a tad colder, but...
197
00:09:00,336 --> 00:09:03,816
Well, I'll put it back
in the fridge. Probably a good idea.
198
00:09:03,816 --> 00:09:04,816
DOORBELL RINGS
199
00:09:04,816 --> 00:09:06,816
Mm, that'll be the entertainment.
200
00:09:06,816 --> 00:09:09,816
See?
Mm, you were right.
201
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,116
Matt said you wouldn't remember
to provide entertainment.
202
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,168
I underestimated you.
203
00:09:14,168 --> 00:09:17,368
Well, I think you'll find there's
a bit of magic in the air tonight.
204
00:09:20,848 --> 00:09:23,168
Bronson, what are you doing here?
Me mum sent me.
205
00:09:23,168 --> 00:09:25,168
Where's Magic Malcolm?
He can't make it.
206
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:28,168
Sick or summat.
So, I'm here instead.
207
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,168
That's very nice of you.
But you can't do magic.
208
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:33,008
Yeah, I can. I'll show you.
209
00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:36,168
Go on, then.
Well, let us in, then.
210
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:42,368
Erm, that one.
211
00:09:42,368 --> 00:09:44,168
This one?
212
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,168
Oh, unlucky.
213
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,168
Look, it's here.
That is amazing!
214
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:49,168
Well done!
215
00:09:49,168 --> 00:09:51,368
Right, let's make it
more interesting. Your turn.
216
00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:53,449
Now, watch carefully...
217
00:09:57,199 --> 00:09:59,559
Do you know where it is?
Yes.
218
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,199
Right, put a pound down. If you're
right, I'll double your money.
219
00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:07,832
That one.
Sure?
220
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:08,832
Yep.
221
00:10:11,832 --> 00:10:12,872
Fair play.
222
00:10:12,872 --> 00:10:14,832
There you go.
223
00:10:14,832 --> 00:10:15,832
Well done, Matt.
224
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,832
Steve, your turn.
225
00:10:17,832 --> 00:10:19,032
Right, here's the ball.
226
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:20,832
Under it goes.
227
00:10:20,832 --> 00:10:22,832
Now, watch carefully...
228
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:24,672
Keep your eyes on the prize.
229
00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,832
Now, where is it?
It's there.
230
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:29,832
Are you sure?
Yeah.
231
00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:31,832
You're not going
to change your mind?No.
232
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:32,832
It's under that one.
233
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:35,832
Hey?
234
00:10:37,832 --> 00:10:39,832
Nicky.
No, I want another go.
235
00:10:39,832 --> 00:10:40,832
Steve!
236
00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:43,032
It's all right,
I know how he's doing it.
237
00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:44,832
OK.
238
00:10:50,075 --> 00:10:52,075
Come on, Steve, make your mind up.
239
00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,075
I'm trying to concentrate.
240
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:56,607
It's that one.
Sure?
241
00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:57,741
Yeah.
242
00:10:57,754 --> 00:10:58,754
I really think it's this one.
243
00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:01,754
I saw him put the ball under it and
move it across.Well, we all saw it.
244
00:11:01,754 --> 00:11:04,754
It's a trick. If it was that easy,
you'd get it right every time.
245
00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:05,754
I did.
246
00:11:05,754 --> 00:11:07,754
So, which one is it, then?
It's that one.
247
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:11,754
You're not going
to change your mind?No.
248
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:13,754
Oh, that is bad luck.
249
00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:15,754
She did say...
250
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:18,594
All right, I'll tell you what...
251
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,954
Steve, that's enough.
Thanks, Bronson.
252
00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:22,754
Well done.
You were brilliant.
253
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,754
So...
254
00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:28,287
You've got my fee, then?
Well, no, you've got it.
255
00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:30,887
It's 25 quid. Me mum said.
256
00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:32,887
Right...
257
00:11:39,247 --> 00:11:42,407
So, before we reveal
how much your meal was worth...
258
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:45,887
..I do have some feedback.
259
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:48,407
We've had a lovely evening.
Thank you.
260
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:49,887
Oh, glad you did.
261
00:11:49,887 --> 00:11:53,887
However, we do have
one or two little notes.
262
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:57,887
Remember, it's meant as constructive
criticism. It's all part of the fun.
263
00:11:57,887 --> 00:12:00,887
So, leaving aside Prosecco Gate.
264
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,887
Er, the starter...
265
00:12:02,887 --> 00:12:04,727
Those mushroom tartlets
were delicious.
266
00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:05,887
Thanks.
267
00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:08,887
But...home-made?
268
00:12:09,731 --> 00:12:11,731
Yeah. I saw Nicky make them.
269
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,551
And I saw the packaging
in the bin.Sorry.
270
00:12:16,075 --> 00:12:18,555
Well, I didn't mean home-made.
271
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:21,075
I meant home-heated-up.
272
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:22,555
Mm...
273
00:12:22,555 --> 00:12:24,555
Er, the main course...
274
00:12:24,555 --> 00:12:26,595
Oh, that was definitely home-made.
I don't doubt it.
275
00:12:27,555 --> 00:12:29,555
One word...
276
00:12:29,555 --> 00:12:30,555
Seasoning.
277
00:12:30,555 --> 00:12:33,555
The chocolate mousse was very nice.
278
00:12:33,555 --> 00:12:35,555
Once I found it
underneath all that cream.
279
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,555
You managed to eat it all,
though, didn't you?
280
00:12:37,555 --> 00:12:39,555
Shall we just move on
to the marking?
281
00:12:39,555 --> 00:12:42,555
There was one thing
you did excel at.
282
00:12:42,555 --> 00:12:44,075
We loved your entertainment.
283
00:12:44,075 --> 00:12:45,915
I really enjoyed that.
284
00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:47,555
Did you?
285
00:12:47,962 --> 00:12:49,962
So, all in all,
286
00:12:49,962 --> 00:12:53,962
we say your dinner was worth...
287
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,002
..?12.50.
288
00:12:58,002 --> 00:13:00,962
HE SCOFFS
That's still good.
289
00:13:00,962 --> 00:13:04,962
Well, let's hope that Meena and I
can raise a bit more than that
290
00:13:04,962 --> 00:13:06,962
when it's our turn, eh?
291
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:19,821
Morning, Ken.
Right, let's get this done, then.
292
00:13:19,821 --> 00:13:21,821
It's just picking up
a few bags of gravel.
293
00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:23,821
So, is this for the path, then?
294
00:13:23,821 --> 00:13:25,821
No, I'm going to sprinkle it
on me cornflakes.
295
00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:29,576
So, how did that dinner party go
the other night?
296
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,576
Yeah, it went pretty well.
Well, how much money did you raise?
297
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:34,576
We won't know until we've been
to Matt and Meena's
298
00:13:34,576 --> 00:13:37,936
for the return match.
We're going tonight, actually.
299
00:13:37,936 --> 00:13:41,576
Hello, who's this?
Oh, that's Grizzo on his camel.
300
00:13:41,576 --> 00:13:43,576
On his what?
301
00:13:43,576 --> 00:13:45,936
He's got a camel. You watch.
Are you feeling all right?
302
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,060
25 quid says he's on a camel.
You're on.
303
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:53,740
HORSE SNORTS
304
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,060
Dear, oh, dear...
305
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,060
Oh...
306
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:05,660
Seriously, those bags of gravel
are heavier than they look.
307
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:07,702
I think I might...
Steve, we're not cancelling.
308
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:10,435
Oh, God, do we have to go? It's
going to be the worst evening ever.
309
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,915
Oh, two words - Brian and Keith.
310
00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:14,915
Ah, since we left Leeds.
311
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:17,915
Three hours they spent banging on
about their new washing machine.
312
00:14:17,915 --> 00:14:20,615
And you remember that fun game
they made us play after dinner?
313
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,880
Guess Our Favourite 20
Department Stores. Exactly!
314
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,520
And that wasn't even for charity.
315
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,520
If we can survive that,
we can survive Matt and Meena.
316
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,520
Just go with the flow and, before
you know it, it'll all be over.
317
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,520
You make it sound like
a trip to Dignitas.
318
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,360
It won't be that much fun.
319
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:42,666
There we go, two nice glasses
of CHILLED Prosecco.
320
00:14:42,666 --> 00:14:44,666
Would you like one of these?
321
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,666
Hey?
Viola flowers.
322
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:48,666
From our garden.
They're edible.
323
00:14:48,666 --> 00:14:51,346
Oh, we'll be the judge of that.
324
00:14:51,346 --> 00:14:54,866
That's what we're here for,
after all.They are very moreish.
325
00:14:55,912 --> 00:14:57,392
Yummy.
326
00:14:57,392 --> 00:14:59,392
Have you told them?
327
00:14:59,392 --> 00:15:01,392
Oh, yes, we've got some very special
entertainment lined up,
328
00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:04,392
haven't we, Pips?
We're going to do a puppet show.
329
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,822
And the two pigs were very sad
330
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,822
because Snatchy
had taken their toys.
331
00:15:20,581 --> 00:15:22,941
Oh, lovely!
Yeah, that's great.
332
00:15:22,941 --> 00:15:26,581
And the next day,
Snatchy went to see someone else.
333
00:15:26,581 --> 00:15:29,581
Hello, Snatchy,
I'm reading my book.
334
00:15:29,581 --> 00:15:31,581
Er, no, it's the cat next.
335
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,887
You've done the pig.
Which one shall we do?
336
00:15:35,887 --> 00:15:38,867
We chose the last one.
All right, just do the dog.
337
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:43,367
What are you doing, Snatchy?
I'm reading my book.
338
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:46,887
But you haven't got a book.
Yes, I have.
339
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:51,367
Because I'm Snatchy the crocodile,
and I take what I want.
340
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,367
They wrote it all by themselves.
Did they?
341
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:58,367
And the next day,
Snatchy went to see Molly the cat.
342
00:16:02,844 --> 00:16:06,644
..he saw that he had made
all his friends sad.
343
00:16:06,644 --> 00:16:08,644
You can say that again.
344
00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:10,644
And so Snatchy said sorry.
345
00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:11,644
Sorry!
346
00:16:11,644 --> 00:16:12,844
The end.
347
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,644
Half an hour of pure gold.
348
00:16:20,644 --> 00:16:21,644
Bravo!
349
00:16:21,644 --> 00:16:24,004
More!
350
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:26,644
Oh, no, I think, actually,
someone's coming.
351
00:16:26,644 --> 00:16:29,004
Ah...
We've got a little surprise for you.
352
00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:30,644
Come through to the kitchen.
353
00:16:31,684 --> 00:16:33,644
Give me your wallet.
354
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,644
In case it's Bronson.
355
00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:40,449
Meena and I
were talking about it afterwards
356
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:43,449
and one of the things we felt
was lacking at your dinner...
357
00:16:44,449 --> 00:16:47,649
..was the right mix of guests.
Yeah.With you on that.
358
00:16:47,649 --> 00:16:51,449
So, we put our thinking caps on
and...
359
00:16:52,449 --> 00:16:53,449
Ta-da!
360
00:16:55,137 --> 00:16:56,137
Brian!
Keith!
361
00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:58,137
Hello!
How do you...?
362
00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,137
We met them
at your house-warming party.
363
00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:02,137
We thought it'd be lovely
for you two to spend the evening
364
00:17:02,137 --> 00:17:04,657
catching up with old friends.
Sorry we're late.
365
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,137
There was a tailback
just outside Helmsley.
366
00:17:07,137 --> 00:17:10,137
I said, "Use the satnav."
But Brian's old school.
367
00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:13,137
I prefer maps.To be fair,
he found a very good route.
368
00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:15,137
B1257.
369
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:23,137
BRIAN AND KEITH LAUGH
370
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:24,137
Mm...!
371
00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:25,657
Cauliflower steak...
372
00:17:25,657 --> 00:17:28,137
It's one of Meena's specialities.
It's delicious.
373
00:17:28,137 --> 00:17:31,137
I didn't think you could top
the risotto, but you have.
374
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,137
Cauliflower steak...
375
00:17:33,137 --> 00:17:36,137
You just slice up a cauliflower
and bake in the oven.
376
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:39,137
It's all in the seasoning.When
vegetables can be this delicious,
377
00:17:39,137 --> 00:17:42,137
I honestly don't understand
why anyone would eat meat.
378
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:45,137
Do you eat meat, Steve?
When I can.
379
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,137
Can we do our puppet show again?
380
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:49,137
Oh, great idea.
381
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:51,137
How about after dinner?
BOTH: Yay!
382
00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:56,137
So, how's the gardening work going,Nicky?
Slowly but surely.
383
00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:59,137
We're still relying
on Steve's web design business.
384
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:02,137
Oh, dear, better stop watching cats
playing piano on the Internet, then.
385
00:18:03,497 --> 00:18:06,977
So, Keith and I were wondering,
how did you two meet?
386
00:18:06,977 --> 00:18:09,137
That is a long story.
387
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:12,137
Now, in 1995,
I was living in Chepstow.
388
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:14,817
Although he was working
in Gloucester.
389
00:18:14,817 --> 00:18:17,137
Funnily enough, Meena was...
390
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,332
Oh, close!
391
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:24,332
And they're no longer in business.
392
00:18:24,332 --> 00:18:26,332
Yes, but it's not
British Home stores.
393
00:18:26,332 --> 00:18:27,332
Comet.
394
00:18:27,332 --> 00:18:28,932
Oh!
395
00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:31,757
That's not really
a department store.Army & Navy.
396
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:33,793
Yes!
Well done!
397
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:34,793
You've got all 20.
398
00:18:34,793 --> 00:18:37,153
Great! Anyway...
Oh, yes, now for the fun part.
399
00:18:37,153 --> 00:18:38,793
Meena, got the clipboard?
400
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,633
There you go.
401
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,793
Thanks.
402
00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:43,553
Be gentle with us.
No, no, be honest.
403
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,360
Constructive criticism,
that's what we're after.
404
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,360
Can we not just decide on the amount
and then...?
405
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,360
No, go and compare notes, come back
and let us know how we've done.
406
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:52,860
I honestly don't think
I could fault it.Me neither.
407
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,360
It's been superb.
408
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,442
This has been great, hasn't it?
409
00:18:58,431 --> 00:19:00,591
Yeah, I've really enjoyed it.
410
00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:02,591
I'd say it's been "superb".
411
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,111
Yeah, I was going to say "superb".
412
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,591
Right, you get started.
413
00:19:06,591 --> 00:19:08,591
I'll go and review
the toilet facilities.
414
00:19:08,591 --> 00:19:10,591
Oh, I'll get started all right...
415
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:25,170
They make their own soap.
What is wrong with them?
416
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,170
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER FROM NEXT ROOM
How's it going?
417
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:29,130
Shut the door.
418
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,130
How does this sound?
419
00:19:33,341 --> 00:19:36,861
"I can honestly say that tonight
has been utterly hellish.
420
00:19:37,059 --> 00:19:38,539
"I would rather eat my way through
421
00:19:38,539 --> 00:19:40,539
"a bin bag of putrefied
hospital waste..."
422
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:41,539
Give me that.
423
00:19:44,219 --> 00:19:46,539
Can you do that
with a defibrillator?
424
00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:48,539
I'd happily watch Matt try.
SHE CHUCKLES
425
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:50,539
I'll do the real one, shall I?
426
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:52,539
Yes, please.
427
00:19:55,539 --> 00:19:56,539
LAUGHTER
428
00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:58,539
It was hilarious!
Poor Steve!
429
00:19:58,539 --> 00:20:01,539
Bronson took him to the cleaners.
He kept saying, "Do it again."
430
00:20:03,539 --> 00:20:05,219
And he kept getting it wrong.
431
00:20:05,219 --> 00:20:07,539
He must have lost at least ?30.
That much?!
432
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:12,539
He couldn't have looked more of a
mug if you'd filled him with cocoa.
433
00:20:16,539 --> 00:20:18,539
That is so funny!
434
00:20:20,539 --> 00:20:21,539
Can we do our puppet show now?
435
00:20:21,539 --> 00:20:24,539
See if Nicky and Steve
have finished with their comments.
436
00:20:24,539 --> 00:20:25,539
LAUGHTER
437
00:20:25,539 --> 00:20:27,739
I don't know what they're
laughing about. Oh, who cares?
438
00:20:27,739 --> 00:20:29,539
Let's just get this over with.
439
00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:32,059
Snatchy wants to know
if you've finished.
440
00:20:32,059 --> 00:20:33,539
Not quite.
Yes, you have!
441
00:20:33,539 --> 00:20:36,539
No! Snatchy, come...
442
00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:43,438
The jury's verdict is in.
That's not quite ready.
443
00:20:43,438 --> 00:20:45,438
First impressions,
that's all we're after.
444
00:20:45,438 --> 00:20:47,438
Honestly, I wouldn't read that.
It's fine.
445
00:20:47,438 --> 00:20:49,438
We just want to know
what you thought of our evening.
446
00:20:49,438 --> 00:20:51,438
No, you don't.
Come on, then.Let's hear it.
447
00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:53,438
Read it! Read it!
448
00:20:53,438 --> 00:20:56,438
ALL: Read it! Read it!
Read it! Read it!
449
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:03,316
"I can honestly say that tonight
has been utterly...hellish.
450
00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:06,996
"I would rather
eat my way through..."
451
00:21:08,316 --> 00:21:11,316
I'm not even going to read the next
bit.Yeah, look, we were...
452
00:21:11,316 --> 00:21:13,316
"As for the food presentation..."
453
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,316
Well, let's just say there's mention
of a Labrador and a pavement.
454
00:21:17,316 --> 00:21:20,156
That's uncalled for, Steve.
455
00:21:20,156 --> 00:21:22,316
"Moving on to the surprise guests...
456
00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:25,676
"There are two reasons
why we left Leeds.
457
00:21:25,676 --> 00:21:28,316
"They are called Brian and Keith."
458
00:21:28,316 --> 00:21:30,316
HE GASPS
459
00:21:30,316 --> 00:21:32,316
And then there's something about
a defibrillator
460
00:21:32,316 --> 00:21:34,836
that I also won't read.
Matt, Steve was only...
461
00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,316
"Oh, and another thing,
462
00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:40,316
"you can call it steak all you like,
veggie bum,
463
00:21:40,316 --> 00:21:43,316
"but it's still cauliflower."
464
00:21:47,316 --> 00:21:49,316
Shall we just call it a draw?
465
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,316
When the world
In which you're living
466
00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:03,316
Gets a bit too much to bear
467
00:22:03,316 --> 00:22:05,996
And you need someone to lean on
468
00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:08,316
When you look
There's no-one there
469
00:22:08,316 --> 00:22:11,316
You're gonna find me
470
00:22:11,316 --> 00:22:14,316
Out in the country
471
00:22:14,316 --> 00:22:17,316
Yeah, you're gonna find me
472
00:22:17,316 --> 00:22:19,316
Way out in the country.
473
00:22:19,316 --> 00:22:20,836
SHEEP BLEATS
474
00:22:20,886 --> 00:22:25,436
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