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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,960
Ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba
ba-ba ba-ba
2
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,960
When the world
in which you're living
3
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,960
Gets a bit too much to bear
4
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,960
And you need someone to lean on
5
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,960
When you look,
there's no-one there
6
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,960
You're gonna find me
Pa-pa pa-pa
7
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,960
Out in the country
Pa-pa pa-pa
8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,960
Yeah, you're gonna find me
Pa-pa pa-pa
9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,480
Way out in the country
Pa-pa pa...
10
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,640
CAR HORN
11
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,320
And you want it completely revamped?
12
00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,960
Start from scratch.
I want a brand-new website.
13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,960
Great, well...
I'd love to do it.
14
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,960
I've got to tell you, Steve, you are
exactly what I've been looking for.
15
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,960
I mean,
what is it with web designers?
16
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:51,960
They all seem to be loners
17
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,640
who live in a bedsit
and eat cold pizza.
18
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:54,960
LAUGHS
No, not me.
19
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,960
I always heat my pizza up...
in the Aga.
20
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,960
Oh, yes! You and your wife
moved out to the country?Mm.
21
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,960
I've always wanted to do that.
Oh, you definitely should.
22
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:07,320
I'm seriously considering it.
So, how have you found it?
23
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,960
I... It's been life changing.
24
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,960
Yeah, we bought a run-down
old cottage a couple of years ago,
25
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:13,960
totally renovated it.
26
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,320
Amazing.Yeah.
What did you do?
27
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,960
Well, like I say,
totally renovated it. Just...
28
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:24,960
New roof... new everything.
CHUCKLES
29
00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:28,160
And your wife's
a landscape gardener, you say?
30
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,960
That's right, yeah.
31
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:32,640
She must love it there.
Nicky. Oh, yeah. She loves it!
32
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,960
Give it another flush, Dad.
Righto.
33
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,960
TOILET FLUSHES
34
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:41,960
BUBBLING
35
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:42,960
NICKY SIGHS
36
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,960
I'd say
you've got a bit of a problem there.
37
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:49,000
That wants sorting, that does.
Yeah, thanks, Dad.
38
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,960
Nice to get an expert opinion (!)
39
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:52,960
Does Steve possess
some drain rods?
40
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
I don't think so. I don't remember
seeing them on the wedding list.
41
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,960
Well, he wants to invest in some.
Haven't you got a set?
42
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,960
Well, I don't like to meddle
in Steve's business.
43
00:02:01,639 --> 00:02:03,639
To be fair,
I don't think it's all his.
44
00:02:03,639 --> 00:02:05,999
Anyway, I've got to be
at the bowls club in half an hour.
45
00:02:05,999 --> 00:02:07,639
Committee meeting.
46
00:02:09,264 --> 00:02:10,264
Who's that lunatic?
47
00:02:12,104 --> 00:02:15,104
It's Grizzo.
Oh, it's Catweazle, is it?
48
00:02:15,104 --> 00:02:17,264
That explains it,
he'll be drugged up to the eyeballs.
49
00:02:17,264 --> 00:02:19,264
He doesn't touch drugs.
50
00:02:19,264 --> 00:02:20,264
Does he not?
No.
51
00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:22,264
Then he really does have a problem.
52
00:02:27,608 --> 00:02:29,808
Well done, you.
I know, it's brilliant.
53
00:02:29,808 --> 00:02:32,608
It's a big step up from doing
nursing homes and chiropodists.
54
00:02:32,608 --> 00:02:35,608
And Yorkshire Abattoir Association
was a low point. Mm.
55
00:02:35,608 --> 00:02:37,608
Don't remind me.
It's Imelda's own company.
56
00:02:37,608 --> 00:02:40,608
She's really successful,
this could mean some proper money.
57
00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,608
Well, thank God for that, we can
stock up on some air freshener.
58
00:02:42,608 --> 00:02:44,608
Did your dad say what was wrong?
Mm.
59
00:02:44,608 --> 00:02:47,608
I should have married a man
with his own set of drain rods.
60
00:02:47,608 --> 00:02:49,608
You don't need drain rods
for a blocked bog.
61
00:02:49,608 --> 00:02:50,608
It's a bit worse than a blocked bog.
62
00:02:50,608 --> 00:02:52,608
You should see
under that manhole cover.
63
00:02:52,608 --> 00:02:54,608
No, thanks.
It's like a Slush Puppie...
64
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:57,608
Yeah, all right.
..only made by Satan!Eurgh!
65
00:02:57,608 --> 00:02:59,808
Is that Grizzo again?
He was out running earlier.
66
00:02:59,808 --> 00:03:01,608
Blimey!
67
00:03:03,608 --> 00:03:06,128
Oh, 28.36k.
68
00:03:06,128 --> 00:03:09,608
Yeah, not bad.
You've just run 28 km?
69
00:03:10,249 --> 00:03:11,249
Er... yeah.
CHUCKLES
70
00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:13,249
You training for a marathon, then?
Eh?
71
00:03:13,249 --> 00:03:16,249
I just thought
you'd be doing a marathon.Oh, no!
72
00:03:16,249 --> 00:03:18,089
What's the point in that?
73
00:03:18,089 --> 00:03:20,929
No, I just like running.
Takes the mind off stuff.
74
00:03:20,929 --> 00:03:22,249
I run every day.
I had no idea.
75
00:03:22,249 --> 00:03:24,249
How long you been doing that for?
Oh, since yesterday.
76
00:03:24,249 --> 00:03:27,089
It's brilliant.
It's changed my life.
77
00:03:27,089 --> 00:03:29,249
My manager reckons
it's really calmed me down.
78
00:03:29,249 --> 00:03:32,249
Right.What it was, this package
arrives out of the blue,
79
00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:35,249
some big sportswear company want to
use one of my songs for an advert.
80
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,609
So my manager says, "That'll
cost you more than a tracksuit."
81
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:40,991
He ends up having a big row with
them at Beyonce's birthday party.
82
00:03:40,991 --> 00:03:43,991
Ice sculpture goes flying,
Solange's in tears.
83
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,991
I'm stuck
with all this running gear.
84
00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:47,991
I thought...
"What am I gonna do with it?"
85
00:03:47,991 --> 00:03:50,351
And then I thought,
"I know...
86
00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:52,991
"I'll go running."
CHUCKLES
87
00:03:53,754 --> 00:03:55,794
You don't want to try, do you?
I've got loads more.
88
00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:57,754
Right, I'm good, thanks, Grizzo.
89
00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,954
What about tennis? Ice hockey?
90
00:04:00,794 --> 00:04:03,114
Weightlifting?
No, you're all right, thanks.
91
00:04:03,114 --> 00:04:06,754
Actually, not weightlifting,
I gave that to Bjork.
92
00:04:06,754 --> 00:04:08,754
Mind if I get a refill?
Help yourself.
93
00:04:10,210 --> 00:04:12,210
WATER BUBBLES
Eurgh!
94
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,210
Actually, er...
I think I'll leave it.
95
00:04:23,223 --> 00:04:25,383
PHONE BUZZES AND RINGS
96
00:04:26,153 --> 00:04:29,153
Imelda, hi.
Hi, Steve, how's it going?
97
00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:30,673
Yeah, it's going great.
98
00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:33,153
Got something really special in mind
for your portfolio.
99
00:04:33,153 --> 00:04:36,153
Fantastic. Sounds like you've got
the bit between your teeth.
100
00:04:36,153 --> 00:04:38,833
Yeah. Mind you,
it's not hard to be inspired
101
00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:40,153
in an environment like this.
102
00:04:40,153 --> 00:04:42,153
Oh, and here's me
cooped up in this office.
103
00:04:42,153 --> 00:04:44,153
Making me jealous.
Yeah.
104
00:04:45,738 --> 00:04:50,258
The old bees are buzzin'.
Should have some honey soon.
105
00:04:50,258 --> 00:04:52,778
Oh, stop it, I can almost taste it.
106
00:04:52,778 --> 00:04:56,938
Me too. Yeah, it really is
so beautiful this time of year.
107
00:04:56,938 --> 00:04:59,738
Well, on that subject,
108
00:04:59,738 --> 00:05:02,938
I've got a contract here
that needs signing.Great, thanks.
109
00:05:02,938 --> 00:05:06,738
So, I was thinking, why don't
I just bring it out to you?
110
00:05:07,992 --> 00:05:10,152
You don't have to come all this way.
It's not that far.
111
00:05:10,152 --> 00:05:11,672
It is. It's miles away.
112
00:05:11,672 --> 00:05:14,512
It's really no trouble.
Can't you just email it?
113
00:05:14,512 --> 00:05:17,152
Steve! I want to see
this amazing cottage of yours.
114
00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,560
CHUCKLES
115
00:05:20,146 --> 00:05:22,146
FLIES BUZZING
116
00:05:23,638 --> 00:05:26,638
Well, that's it, I've lost the job.
117
00:05:26,638 --> 00:05:28,638
She'll take one look at this place
and think I'm a complete idiot.
118
00:05:28,638 --> 00:05:31,478
And besides,
she'll know I was lying.
119
00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:32,638
Why does she want to see our house?
120
00:05:32,638 --> 00:05:34,638
Well, for some reason,
she's got it into her head
121
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:37,638
that we live in
this idyllic country cottage.
122
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,638
You told her we live in an
idyllic country cottage, didn't you?
123
00:05:40,638 --> 00:05:42,158
Well, what was I supposed to say?
124
00:05:42,158 --> 00:05:44,838
"Hi, my name's Steve.
I live in a dump that got no roof,
125
00:05:44,838 --> 00:05:47,638
"and smells like
a tramp's underpants.
126
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:48,838
"Can I design your website, please?"
127
00:05:48,838 --> 00:05:51,318
MATT AND MEENA: Cooee.
Oh, God!
128
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:53,638
It's the happy puppies.
129
00:05:53,638 --> 00:05:55,638
Anyone got a sack and a canal?
130
00:05:59,537 --> 00:06:01,537
We have some exciting news,
don't we?
131
00:06:01,537 --> 00:06:05,537
We're going to learn basket weaving.
Are you? Oh, good.
132
00:06:05,537 --> 00:06:08,057
Yes, but tell Nicky and Steve
where we're going to learn it.
133
00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:09,537
BOTH: In Greece!
134
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:13,217
It's a residential course.
One of the best in Europe.
135
00:06:13,217 --> 00:06:16,537
It's so important to stop these
traditional skills dying out.
136
00:06:16,537 --> 00:06:17,537
I know, they're so useful (!)
137
00:06:17,537 --> 00:06:21,537
Have you got a problem
with your drains?
138
00:06:21,537 --> 00:06:23,537
Oh, yeah, we're gonna sort that.
Good luck with that.
139
00:06:23,537 --> 00:06:26,537
You will have a problem here, you're
not on the mains drainage system.
140
00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:28,537
It's one of the reasons
we didn't buy it.
141
00:06:28,537 --> 00:06:31,737
I mean, we looked at this place,
but...Yes. So you did.
142
00:06:32,362 --> 00:06:35,162
Anyway,
we wanted to ask you a favour.
143
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:38,162
Would you mind keeping an eye
on the house while we're away?
144
00:06:38,162 --> 00:06:40,162
The thing is...
There's not much to do.
145
00:06:40,162 --> 00:06:42,162
I know, but...
It's just feeding the chickens...
146
00:06:42,162 --> 00:06:44,202
Watering the tomatoes...
..deadheading the roses...
147
00:06:44,202 --> 00:06:46,522
..keep an eye on the greenhouse.
Maybe mow the lawn?
148
00:06:46,522 --> 00:06:48,162
You can help yourself
to the vegetables.
149
00:06:48,162 --> 00:06:51,162
Well, perhaps not the aubergines.
Well, we're actually really busy.
150
00:06:51,162 --> 00:06:53,162
It's fine. We'll do it.
151
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:55,162
Oh, that's so good of you.
152
00:06:55,162 --> 00:06:59,162
What do we say to Nicky and Steve?
BOTH: Efharisto!
153
00:06:59,162 --> 00:07:02,162
It's 'thank you'.
In Greek.
154
00:07:14,865 --> 00:07:16,865
SIGHS
155
00:07:18,225 --> 00:07:20,865
Excuse me?
Yeah?
156
00:07:21,310 --> 00:07:24,310
Have you got any air freshener?
Eh?
157
00:07:24,310 --> 00:07:25,310
Have you got any air freshener?
158
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,990
You're all right,
just open the door for a minute.
159
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,310
No, I haven't...
160
00:07:31,310 --> 00:07:33,310
I need it for home.
We've got a blocked drain.
161
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:35,310
I'll bet that stinks.
162
00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,310
Yeah, it does a bit.
So, have you got any?Don't know.
163
00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:43,393
Well, can you ask Gareth?
He's not here, he's in hospital.
164
00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:45,873
Oh. Right.
165
00:07:45,873 --> 00:07:47,873
Is he OK?
He'll live.
166
00:07:47,873 --> 00:07:49,873
E-cigarette went off in his pocket.
167
00:07:49,873 --> 00:07:51,873
Set fire to his trousers.
168
00:07:51,873 --> 00:07:54,873
Well, that sounds nasty.
Burnt his leg.
169
00:07:54,873 --> 00:07:57,873
Bronson doused him with Tango
or it would have been worse.
170
00:07:57,873 --> 00:07:59,873
Bronson to the rescue.
171
00:07:59,873 --> 00:08:01,873
It's bad that an e-cigarette
did that, though.
172
00:08:01,873 --> 00:08:04,873
I know. Someone sold us a dodgy lot.
173
00:08:04,873 --> 00:08:05,873
Hey, that weren't my fault.
174
00:08:05,873 --> 00:08:08,393
Got 'em off Skunky.
He's usually all right.
175
00:08:08,393 --> 00:08:09,873
Anyway, I'm getting rid of 'em.
176
00:08:09,873 --> 00:08:11,873
Well, that sounds like
the right thing to do.
177
00:08:11,873 --> 00:08:13,873
That's why they're on special offer.
178
00:08:13,873 --> 00:08:15,873
Do you want one?
179
00:08:15,873 --> 00:08:18,553
No, you're all right, thanks.
Is this what you're after?
180
00:08:18,553 --> 00:08:21,873
Oh, thanks, Bronson.
Which one's the best?
181
00:08:21,873 --> 00:08:23,553
Er...
this one's for carpets and that.
182
00:08:23,553 --> 00:08:25,553
This one's for toilets.
183
00:08:25,553 --> 00:08:27,873
Eh, this one's the strongest.
What's that for?
184
00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:29,873
Minicabs.
185
00:08:33,393 --> 00:08:37,873
Hi, Imelda. I'm afraid I'm going to
have to cancel your visit because...
186
00:08:38,873 --> 00:08:41,393
..because I have...
187
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,981
..Ebola.
SIGHS
188
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:48,410
DOORBELL RINGS
189
00:08:50,410 --> 00:08:53,410
Steve, drain rods.
Drain rods, Steve.
190
00:08:56,823 --> 00:08:58,823
STRAINS
191
00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:02,823
Any luck?
Nope.
192
00:09:02,823 --> 00:09:04,823
There's only one thing for it.
193
00:09:04,823 --> 00:09:06,823
I've got a mask and snorkel
in the car.
194
00:09:06,823 --> 00:09:08,823
You'll have to get down in there
and have a look.
195
00:09:08,823 --> 00:09:10,823
I'm not gonna go down a...
I am joking.
196
00:09:10,823 --> 00:09:12,823
Oh.
Hiya.
197
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:16,823
Oh, you brought your drain rods.
Have they done the trick?Nope.
198
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:19,823
But you'll be pleased to hear
I now know what the problem is.
199
00:09:19,823 --> 00:09:21,823
It's your septic tank.
200
00:09:21,823 --> 00:09:24,823
It won't have been emptied
for years, it's backing up.
201
00:09:24,823 --> 00:09:26,823
Great (!)
I don't suppose that'll do any good?
202
00:09:26,823 --> 00:09:28,823
Not unless it's fly spray.
203
00:09:28,823 --> 00:09:31,823
You've got a tank the size
of a swimming pool under there,
204
00:09:31,823 --> 00:09:33,823
full of effluent.
Lovely.
205
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:35,823
So, what are we meant to do
about it?
206
00:09:35,823 --> 00:09:40,023
Well, you need to hire a tanker with
a vacuum pump, and empty it out.
207
00:09:40,023 --> 00:09:42,823
It'll cost you, mate.
Well, how much are we talking?
208
00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:45,823
420 quid!
See, he was right.
209
00:09:45,823 --> 00:09:48,343
I'm not paying that.
We haven't got a choice.
210
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,823
Unless you wanna get out there
with a saucepan, do it yourself.
211
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,503
Can't afford that kind of money
now I've lost that job.
212
00:09:53,503 --> 00:09:54,823
You haven't lost it yet.
213
00:09:54,823 --> 00:09:56,863
As soon as Imelda comes round
and sees this place, I will have.
214
00:09:56,863 --> 00:09:59,823
If we could get rid of the smell.
It'll still look like a tip.
215
00:09:59,823 --> 00:10:01,823
All we need's
a few seagulls flying around,
216
00:10:01,823 --> 00:10:03,503
pecking at plastic bags.
217
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,183
When's she coming?
Wednesday.
218
00:10:05,183 --> 00:10:06,863
Well, if we could
just make an effort in here...
219
00:10:06,863 --> 00:10:09,823
Hang on, she's coming on Wednesday.
..gave it a lick of paint.
220
00:10:10,823 --> 00:10:12,823
Matt and Meena'll be in Greece.
221
00:10:13,603 --> 00:10:15,603
We can use their house.
222
00:10:15,603 --> 00:10:17,603
You're not suggesting...
Yes, I am.
223
00:10:17,603 --> 00:10:19,963
We invite her
to Matt and Meena's house,
224
00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:21,643
and say it's ours.
225
00:10:21,643 --> 00:10:24,443
It's perfect!
Is it?
226
00:10:24,948 --> 00:10:27,108
Pa pa-pa pa-pa pa-pa pa-pa
227
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,368
Tea and coffee in here.
228
00:10:37,579 --> 00:10:39,259
Mugs in here.
229
00:10:40,446 --> 00:10:42,446
Teaspoons...
230
00:10:42,446 --> 00:10:43,446
Yes.
231
00:10:43,446 --> 00:10:45,966
Welcome to our wonderful cottage,
Imelda.
232
00:10:45,966 --> 00:10:49,446
We'll never get away with it.
She'll guess straight away.How?
233
00:10:49,446 --> 00:10:51,446
Because it's not us,
we don't fit in.
234
00:10:51,446 --> 00:10:54,446
It's Matt and Meena's taste.
What's it matter?
235
00:10:54,446 --> 00:10:55,446
I'm not saying I like it.
236
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:57,446
In fact, I hate it.
237
00:10:57,446 --> 00:10:58,446
I think it's pathetic
238
00:10:58,446 --> 00:11:00,446
but it's better than showing
her around a sewage works.
239
00:11:00,446 --> 00:11:02,446
We'll only be here
a couple of hours, maximum.
240
00:11:02,446 --> 00:11:03,446
I'm not saying that long.
241
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:06,446
What time's septic
tank man coming?12.
242
00:11:06,446 --> 00:11:08,446
I found someone who'll do it
for 300 quid.
243
00:11:08,446 --> 00:11:09,446
Sorry, Ken, wrong again.
244
00:11:09,446 --> 00:11:11,446
Some of us know how to haggle.
245
00:11:12,446 --> 00:11:13,446
She's here.
All the toys gone?
246
00:11:13,446 --> 00:11:15,646
Yep.
OK, let's do this.
247
00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:23,446
And you did all this yourselves?
248
00:11:23,446 --> 00:11:25,446
Yeah, you should have seen it
when we bought it.
249
00:11:25,446 --> 00:11:28,446
Horrible old wallpaper,
a hole in the wall,
250
00:11:28,446 --> 00:11:30,446
and it stank, didn't it,
Nicky?
251
00:11:30,446 --> 00:11:31,966
Yeah, yeah, it did.
252
00:11:31,966 --> 00:11:34,966
So we just ripped it all out,
started again.
253
00:11:34,966 --> 00:11:37,806
The butler sink, the work surface...
254
00:11:37,806 --> 00:11:39,286
Loads of storage.
255
00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:40,446
Cupboards.
256
00:11:40,446 --> 00:11:41,446
One there.
257
00:11:41,446 --> 00:11:43,446
Another one here.
258
00:11:43,446 --> 00:11:44,446
With a boiler in it.
259
00:11:44,446 --> 00:11:48,446
How are you for the temperature,
are you OK? Oh, I'm fine, thanks.
260
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:52,446
Would you like a biscuit?
Ooh, home made?
261
00:11:52,446 --> 00:11:54,446
Nicky made them.
Brilliant.
262
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:55,446
So, what's in them?
263
00:11:56,446 --> 00:11:57,486
Honey.
264
00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:59,446
And oatmeal.
265
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,219
Ginger?
266
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:02,219
Yeah, and ginger.
267
00:12:03,219 --> 00:12:04,739
Delicious.
Thanks.
268
00:12:05,868 --> 00:12:07,868
Anyway, I best be off.
269
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:08,868
Oh.
270
00:12:08,868 --> 00:12:10,868
Those your kids?
271
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:14,868
Those? Yeah.
272
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:16,868
I thought you said your kids
were grown up.
273
00:12:16,868 --> 00:12:18,548
They are.
274
00:12:18,548 --> 00:12:19,868
But we adopted.
275
00:12:19,868 --> 00:12:22,388
Wow. Amazing.
276
00:12:22,388 --> 00:12:24,868
So what are their names?
277
00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:27,228
Silas and Pipps.
278
00:12:27,228 --> 00:12:29,868
What Steve means is that we...
279
00:12:29,868 --> 00:12:31,868
we sponsor them.
Oh, right.
280
00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,868
So whereabouts are they?
281
00:12:34,868 --> 00:12:36,388
They're in Greece.
282
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:39,868
They're refugees.
283
00:12:39,868 --> 00:12:40,868
Oh.
284
00:12:41,868 --> 00:12:43,868
Well done you.
285
00:12:43,868 --> 00:12:44,868
Thanks.
286
00:12:44,868 --> 00:12:46,548
Would you like another biscuit?
287
00:12:46,548 --> 00:12:47,868
I'm fine.
288
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,868
Anyway, I'll leave you to it.
Nice to meet you, Imelda.
289
00:12:49,868 --> 00:12:50,868
Nice to meet you, Nicky.
290
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:52,868
And...I'll see you later.
291
00:12:52,868 --> 00:12:54,868
Yep, I'll see you at...
292
00:12:54,868 --> 00:12:56,068
Here.
293
00:12:57,868 --> 00:12:59,868
Right, I suppose I'd better
sign this contract.
294
00:12:59,868 --> 00:13:01,868
Ah, first things first.
295
00:13:03,228 --> 00:13:04,868
I want to see the rest of the house.
296
00:13:06,868 --> 00:13:07,868
Great.
297
00:13:09,868 --> 00:13:10,868
Sorry I'm late.
298
00:13:10,868 --> 00:13:12,868
Last job took longer than I thought.
299
00:13:12,868 --> 00:13:13,868
Oh, it's fine.
300
00:13:13,868 --> 00:13:15,868
Care home.
Right.
301
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,708
Let me just say,
it was more than I was expecting.
302
00:13:18,708 --> 00:13:19,868
Oh, OK.
303
00:13:19,868 --> 00:13:21,388
I've been in this
job for over 20 years
304
00:13:21,388 --> 00:13:23,868
and I've never seen anything -
Yeah, get the picture!
305
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:25,868
Anyway, you're here now.
So where's the tank?
306
00:13:25,868 --> 00:13:26,868
It's this way.
307
00:13:26,868 --> 00:13:28,868
STEVE: Yeah,
half the roof was missing.
308
00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:30,868
Great big tarpaulin over it.
309
00:13:30,868 --> 00:13:33,868
It's very impressive.
You've done a great job.
310
00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:36,868
Anyway, here's the contract.
311
00:13:36,868 --> 00:13:38,868
You have a little look at that.
Make sure you're happy with it.
312
00:13:38,868 --> 00:13:40,868
Thanks.
Just gonna check my emails.
313
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:45,388
Is that your Wi-Fi network?
314
00:13:45,388 --> 00:13:46,708
Erm...
315
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:49,868
Matt and Meena's webby web.
316
00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:52,868
Yeah!
I don't know why we called it that.
317
00:13:53,868 --> 00:13:57,228
What's the password?
Oh, it's...erm...
318
00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:59,376
on the back of the router.
319
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,376
Which is...
320
00:14:00,376 --> 00:14:01,416
SIGHS
321
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,376
Where did Nicky put it?
322
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:07,376
GRIZZO: 'Hey, Matt? Meena?'
323
00:14:09,576 --> 00:14:11,376
That someone shouting?
Yeah!
324
00:14:13,376 --> 00:14:15,376
Phew!
325
00:14:16,376 --> 00:14:19,376
Oh, it's a friend.
I'll just go and see what he wants.
326
00:14:19,376 --> 00:14:20,376
You just wait here.
327
00:14:23,376 --> 00:14:25,376
Hey, Steve!
What are you doing here?
328
00:14:25,376 --> 00:14:27,376
Grizzo, listen...
Just need a refill.
329
00:14:27,376 --> 00:14:30,216
Matt and Meena in?
No, it's just me.
330
00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:32,376
Oh, right. Well, I'll fill this up,
and I'll be off again!
331
00:14:32,376 --> 00:14:34,376
Listen, Grizzo, Grizzo.
332
00:14:34,376 --> 00:14:36,376
I need you to do me a favour.
333
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,376
Can you pretend this is my house?
Eh?
334
00:14:38,376 --> 00:14:40,376
What for?
335
00:14:40,376 --> 00:14:42,376
I've got a really important
client in there.
336
00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:43,376
I've just borrowed it
to impress her.
337
00:14:43,376 --> 00:14:44,736
Won't Matt and Meena mind?
338
00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:46,576
They won't find out.
339
00:14:46,576 --> 00:14:49,376
They're in Greece.
340
00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:52,376
MATT: We all wanted
the holiday to continue, Silas,
341
00:14:52,376 --> 00:14:54,376
but the catering simply
wasn't acceptable.
342
00:14:54,376 --> 00:14:55,376
But I liked it there.
343
00:14:55,376 --> 00:14:56,896
It was hot and sunny.
344
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,896
Never mind.
Maybe we'll go back another time.
345
00:14:58,896 --> 00:15:00,376
Not there, we won't.
346
00:15:00,376 --> 00:15:01,376
It's a point of principle.
347
00:15:01,376 --> 00:15:02,376
They did apologise.
348
00:15:02,376 --> 00:15:05,376
I refuse to believe that in the
whole of the Greek archipelago
349
00:15:05,376 --> 00:15:07,056
they cannot source
gluten-free pitta bread.
350
00:15:07,056 --> 00:15:09,376
But I wanted to make a basket.
351
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,376
Oh, I know. Let's make some
baskets when we get home.
352
00:15:11,376 --> 00:15:12,376
Yay!
353
00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:18,180
All right.
Imelda, this is Grizzo.
354
00:15:18,180 --> 00:15:20,180
Oh, I know who this is.
I saw you last year at Glastonbury.
355
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,180
Did I do Glastonbury?
356
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:24,180
You did a duet with Paul McCartney.
357
00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,180
Oh, yeah, that's it.
So, how do you know Grizzo?
358
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:28,180
Oh, we're old mates.
Well, neighbours.
359
00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:31,180
All right, where's your house?
The other side of Nicky and Steve's.
360
00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,380
Garden.
Over the other side of our garden.
361
00:15:33,380 --> 00:15:36,180
Just over the hill there.
Yeah, near that...er...
362
00:15:36,180 --> 00:15:38,020
old rubbish house.
363
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,180
That he doesn't live in.
364
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:42,180
So what do you do, then, Imelda?
I'm an interior designer.
365
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,180
She's very successful.
I'm doing a website for her.
366
00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,700
Anyway, there's your water.
You should do my place.
367
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:48,180
I'd love to.
368
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,180
I've got enough rooms.
369
00:15:49,180 --> 00:15:51,180
I was thinking of putting
in a home cinema.
370
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:52,180
Oh, you can't beat a home cinema.
371
00:15:52,180 --> 00:15:55,020
I did one actually last
year for a client over in Cheshire.
372
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,860
Oh, what's your...
What's your style?
373
00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:59,180
What would you do with this place?
Well...
374
00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:01,180
Imelda likes
the kitchen as it is, she said.
375
00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:03,180
All right, then.
What about the living room?
376
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:06,180
Oh...
377
00:16:08,180 --> 00:16:10,180
Go on.
What would you do with it?
378
00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:11,180
Can I be honest, Steve?
379
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,860
Yeah, go ahead.
380
00:16:12,860 --> 00:16:14,180
You and Nicky have done a...
381
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:15,540
great job. I just think...
382
00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:17,700
there's so much more you
could do with this room.
383
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,180
Oh, absolutely. We'll definitely
get round to it at some point.
384
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:22,180
Anyway...
Shall we have a play?
385
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:24,180
I'm not sure we should, actually.
386
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:26,180
Yeah, come on, Steve.
It's your house.
387
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:32,180
I'm simply saying
he was very quick to take offence.
388
00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:34,180
It doesn't matter now anyway.
389
00:16:34,180 --> 00:16:36,220
I was only trying to be helpful.
390
00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:40,180
Anyone knows that is not
the correct way to make hummus.
391
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:43,180
I just expect, if you've been
running a Taverna for 35 years...
392
00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:45,180
What did the man say?
393
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:47,180
I don't suppose we'll ever know.
394
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,180
Let's just say it
wasn't in the phrase book.
395
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:52,180
Anyway, we're nearly home now.
Shall we sing our song?
396
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:55,180
We're nearly home,
we're nearly home
397
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,180
We're nearly, nearly home
398
00:16:57,180 --> 00:17:01,180
We're nearly home,
we're nearly home
399
00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:03,220
That picture's got to go,
for a start.
400
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:05,020
Steve, would you mind?
401
00:17:13,180 --> 00:17:15,180
Oh.
402
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:17,180
It's actually quite interesting
this way round.
403
00:17:17,180 --> 00:17:18,180
Pop it back up.
404
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,180
What do you think?
405
00:17:23,180 --> 00:17:24,180
I love it!
406
00:17:24,180 --> 00:17:25,180
It's genius.
407
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:27,180
Yeah, that is more interesting.
408
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,180
Right, Steve,
grab the other end of that sofa.
409
00:17:30,180 --> 00:17:31,180
Trust me.
410
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:34,180
Grizzo, would you mind?
Oh!
411
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:41,180
Up it goes, up it goes.
412
00:17:41,180 --> 00:17:43,180
All of this dumped in the corner.
413
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:44,860
Chair back.
414
00:17:44,860 --> 00:17:47,180
Curtain rail off.
415
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:50,180
Right, books. Get 'em all out.
416
00:17:50,180 --> 00:17:51,860
Free...
417
00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,180
Whoo!
418
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:10,180
Really makes you feel better.
419
00:18:21,380 --> 00:18:23,180
Oh!
420
00:18:29,380 --> 00:18:32,180
Oh, ho ho! I'm so sorry, Steve!
421
00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,180
All right, you're all done.
422
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:37,180
Great. It was 300, wasn't it?
423
00:18:37,180 --> 00:18:38,180
What's that?Erm...
424
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,220
Cash only. I said that
to the bloke on the phone.
425
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,180
Did you?
426
00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:44,180
Can I write you a cheque?
Sorry, love. Cash only.
427
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:47,180
Well, I've only got 20 quid on me.
It's 300!
428
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:49,180
So what happens now?
429
00:18:49,180 --> 00:18:50,180
If you can't pay...
430
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,180
..it goes back.
What?
431
00:18:55,180 --> 00:18:56,180
No way. Hang on.
432
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:59,180
You can't just fill it back up!
You just watch me.
433
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,220
And I can't guarantee
it will all be yours.
434
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,180
What do you reckon?
435
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:09,700
Oh, it's great.
436
00:19:09,700 --> 00:19:12,180
I don't know how you put up with it
before, Steve.
437
00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:15,180
Thanks, Imelda.
That's been...very useful.
438
00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:16,180
You know what else we could do?
439
00:19:16,180 --> 00:19:19,180
I...I really think we've probably
done enough for now.
440
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,700
What's under this carpet?
441
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:23,180
Erm...
You know, when you renovated?
442
00:19:23,180 --> 00:19:25,180
Yeah, I think it's just...
443
00:19:25,180 --> 00:19:26,180
floor.
444
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,180
What, floor...
445
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:33,180
boards, or...?
Yeah, those.
446
00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:34,180
Shall we have a look?
447
00:19:34,180 --> 00:19:36,180
No, I remember.
It's definitely floor boards.
448
00:19:36,180 --> 00:19:38,380
I think floorboards would
look good in here.So do I.
449
00:19:38,380 --> 00:19:41,180
Me too, but I'm afraid...
450
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,700
We can't get rid of the carpet.
451
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,380
It's got sentimental value.
452
00:19:47,005 --> 00:19:48,005
Nicky's mother chose it...
453
00:19:48,005 --> 00:19:50,005
just before she died.
454
00:19:55,005 --> 00:19:57,005
We're nearly home,
we're nearly, nearly home.
455
00:19:57,005 --> 00:19:59,005
We're nearly home,
we're nearly home...
456
00:20:01,005 --> 00:20:03,005
Honestly, I think
the tiles are all right.
457
00:20:03,005 --> 00:20:06,005
All right?
Do we like 'all right'?
458
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,005
I don't want an 'all right' website,
Steve.
459
00:20:08,005 --> 00:20:10,005
And you won't get one,
but I do think they're fine.
460
00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:11,005
Where's your toolbox?
461
00:20:11,005 --> 00:20:15,005
My toolbox is in the boot of the
car, which Nicky's got, sorry.
462
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,005
Just use that.
463
00:20:17,005 --> 00:20:18,005
Good idea!
464
00:20:21,005 --> 00:20:22,005
I...I really think -
465
00:20:22,005 --> 00:20:24,005
Steve, trust me. Just take one off.
466
00:20:24,005 --> 00:20:25,005
Let's see what's behind it!
467
00:20:27,005 --> 00:20:29,005
We're really home,
we're really home.
468
00:20:29,005 --> 00:20:30,005
We're really, really home
469
00:20:30,005 --> 00:20:32,005
We're really home,
we're really home
470
00:20:32,005 --> 00:20:34,005
We're really, really home!
471
00:20:39,365 --> 00:20:42,005
Here, try this.
472
00:20:42,005 --> 00:20:44,005
Look, maybe I should wait
until I've got my toolbox
473
00:20:44,005 --> 00:20:46,005
and then I can do it properly.
Just give it a whack!
474
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:57,005
Here we are. Hello, cottage!
475
00:20:57,005 --> 00:20:58,845
Hello, cottage!
476
00:20:58,845 --> 00:21:01,005
It'll be good to have
proper muesli again.
477
00:21:05,005 --> 00:21:07,005
Oh, it's... It's not coming off.
478
00:21:07,005 --> 00:21:08,005
Put some welly into it.
479
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:14,005
CLANGING
480
00:21:14,005 --> 00:21:16,005
GLASS CRACKING
481
00:21:24,005 --> 00:21:25,685
Hi.
482
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,287
Oh...
483
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:32,287
It's the refugees.
484
00:21:32,287 --> 00:21:33,287
I beg your pardon!
485
00:21:41,110 --> 00:21:43,110
How was Greece?
486
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:47,710
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