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1
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:09,660
Well, my brainy little babies,
2
00:00:10,484 --> 00:00:12,911
I have officially been
thrown off the Harvard teat.
3
00:00:12,936 --> 00:00:14,708
I thought you were
fired a long time ago.
4
00:00:14,733 --> 00:00:16,310
Oh, I was, Marcus, yeah.
5
00:00:16,335 --> 00:00:18,716
I was kicked off the
salary and housing teat,
6
00:00:18,741 --> 00:00:20,583
but I was able to remain firmly latched
7
00:00:20,608 --> 00:00:22,300
on to their phone-plan teat.
8
00:00:22,795 --> 00:00:25,213
- _
- Guys, if he says "teat" one more time,
9
00:00:25,238 --> 00:00:26,738
we might be able to get him fired.
10
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:29,733
Let's try and stay focused
on my phone, Sarika.
11
00:00:29,758 --> 00:00:31,198
Uh, now, before you suggest
12
00:00:31,223 --> 00:00:32,733
that I just go to a phone store
13
00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:34,314
and sign up for my own plan...
14
00:00:34,339 --> 00:00:35,718
How is that not the solution?
15
00:00:35,743 --> 00:00:38,455
Well, Anthony, because I have... Anyone?
16
00:00:39,574 --> 00:00:42,080
Atrocious credit. Yeah, yeah.
17
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:45,301
No carrier will trust
me, so I am off the grid
18
00:00:45,555 --> 00:00:47,047
until I come up with a solution.
19
00:00:49,081 --> 00:00:51,191
Are you saying you have no phone?
20
00:00:51,518 --> 00:00:53,207
Like, for good?
21
00:00:53,232 --> 00:00:55,323
- That's what I'm saying.
- Are you gonna die?
22
00:00:55,521 --> 00:00:57,218
I mean, there's an outside chance
23
00:00:57,243 --> 00:00:58,723
you could get on my family's plan.
24
00:00:59,021 --> 00:01:00,248
Yeah, I mean, my parents would have
25
00:01:00,272 --> 00:01:01,335
to get to know you a little better,
26
00:01:01,359 --> 00:01:02,999
but we could schedule
a series of dinners.
27
00:01:03,349 --> 00:01:06,218
You know what? I would
dislike that, Marcus.
28
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,933
- I would dislike that very much.
- Yeah.
29
00:01:09,307 --> 00:01:10,397
But...
30
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:13,563
the notion of piggybacking
on somebody else's phone plan
31
00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:15,328
is very intriguing.
32
00:01:26,268 --> 00:01:28,268
♪ A.P. Bio 2x10 ♪
Handcuffed
33
00:01:28,293 --> 00:01:30,793
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
34
00:01:38,815 --> 00:01:40,453
What up, Helen DeGeneres?
35
00:01:40,478 --> 00:01:42,788
How's my little puppy bird?
36
00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,945
You know. Uh, is Principal Durbin ready
37
00:01:44,970 --> 00:01:46,698
for me to interview him
for the school paper?
38
00:01:46,722 --> 00:01:49,861
Uh, ready? He is so excited.
39
00:01:50,275 --> 00:01:51,727
We're gonna have to
wait a second, though,
40
00:01:51,751 --> 00:01:54,099
because he's in there
delivering a bummer bomb.
41
00:01:55,563 --> 00:01:57,513
Gary, no one has signed up
42
00:01:57,538 --> 00:01:59,238
for Coin Club in three years.
43
00:01:59,288 --> 00:02:00,588
I had to cut something.
44
00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:02,292
One of these days, you're gonna find
45
00:02:02,317 --> 00:02:04,246
a beautiful Sacagawea,
and you're gonna be like,
46
00:02:04,271 --> 00:02:06,001
"Where's Gary? I want to talk about it."
47
00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:08,556
And I'm gonna be... poof... ghost.
48
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:11,623
Oh, God. I...
49
00:02:11,648 --> 00:02:14,981
I hate, hate giving people bad news.
50
00:02:15,006 --> 00:02:16,623
Their faces... they look like
51
00:02:16,648 --> 00:02:18,218
teddy bears in a Dumpster.
52
00:02:18,289 --> 00:02:20,515
You're the principal. Let it rip.
53
00:02:20,718 --> 00:02:22,323
You can tell them whatever you want.
54
00:02:22,348 --> 00:02:23,698
I know, but I...
55
00:02:23,738 --> 00:02:25,008
Ugh. I just feel sick.
56
00:02:25,165 --> 00:02:26,445
I feel sick, too.
57
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:28,503
Though it could be because I ate a
58
00:02:28,528 --> 00:02:31,753
shellacked caramel off a old
Christmas ornament last night.
59
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,278
I can be honest with you guys.
60
00:02:39,134 --> 00:02:40,508
Gonna try to work it out.
61
00:02:41,886 --> 00:02:43,047
Drop it down the pike.
62
00:02:46,826 --> 00:02:47,895
So...
63
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:49,393
how are things with Seth?
64
00:02:50,011 --> 00:02:51,471
- Good.
- Mm.
65
00:02:52,716 --> 00:02:54,428
Ugh. Ugh.
66
00:02:56,941 --> 00:02:58,908
Mm-hmm.
67
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:01,655
- Mary, you want some?
- No.
68
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,918
So he took you out again last night?
69
00:03:05,273 --> 00:03:06,323
Sort of.
70
00:03:06,348 --> 00:03:08,698
Uh, sort of?
71
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,528
Uh, we got subs and ate
them at the Laundromat.
72
00:03:11,553 --> 00:03:13,243
So, yeah, I took her out.
73
00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:15,018
Oh, you're not a fan of restaurants?
74
00:03:15,043 --> 00:03:17,105
Whoa, someone's a frickin' millionaire.
75
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,928
- What?
- I'm a substitute teacher.
76
00:03:18,953 --> 00:03:20,972
So we each grabbed three on a six-inch.
77
00:03:21,316 --> 00:03:22,527
- We did.
- Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:22,552 --> 00:03:24,538
And you call this a date?
79
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,563
Um, let's just say
that the changing table
80
00:03:26,588 --> 00:03:28,823
in the bathroom didn't break itself.
81
00:03:29,923 --> 00:03:31,663
We did... with sex.
82
00:03:33,623 --> 00:03:34,843
Ow! [BLEEP].
83
00:03:34,868 --> 00:03:36,518
Ooh. Said I was gonna get you.
84
00:03:36,543 --> 00:03:37,723
Ha ha!
85
00:03:37,748 --> 00:03:39,358
Catch ya later, masturbator.
86
00:03:41,608 --> 00:03:44,108
So has he met the parents?
87
00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:46,089
Ah, he needs to go.
88
00:03:46,114 --> 00:03:47,568
It's just that he's subbing here,
89
00:03:47,608 --> 00:03:49,524
and I can't just ghost
him like I usually do.
90
00:03:49,549 --> 00:03:50,651
Yeah.
91
00:03:50,676 --> 00:03:53,073
Now, which one of you is
gonna help me get rid of him?
92
00:03:53,098 --> 00:03:55,532
Oh, not us. We are done.
93
00:03:55,557 --> 00:03:57,448
Every time we help you get rid of a guy,
94
00:03:57,473 --> 00:03:59,120
you wind up getting back together.
95
00:03:59,145 --> 00:04:00,748
- Mm-mm.
- You backslide.
96
00:04:00,798 --> 00:04:03,760
It's an exhausting
cycle to watch and judge.
97
00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:05,018
Oh, come on...
98
00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:07,873
Hey, hey, ladies, we're
all basically, like,
99
00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:10,418
friends and family at this point, right?
100
00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:12,008
I am finding it impossible
101
00:04:12,033 --> 00:04:14,478
to secure a cell phone plan
under my name.
102
00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:16,574
Ah, and you want to
piggyback on one of our plans.
103
00:04:16,598 --> 00:04:18,512
- Ha.
- Jack, I have way too many cousins
104
00:04:18,537 --> 00:04:20,574
for you to doggy-style on my plan.
105
00:04:20,598 --> 00:04:22,598
Okay, well, it's piggyback, but, yeah.
106
00:04:24,327 --> 00:04:27,606
Uh, you know, Jack, my
family plan is da bomb,
107
00:04:27,631 --> 00:04:29,013
and I'll let you get in on it.
108
00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:30,770
- Yes!
- But you have to do
109
00:04:30,795 --> 00:04:32,509
something for me in return.
110
00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:34,958
You have to help me kick my
current boyfriend to the curb.
111
00:04:35,203 --> 00:04:37,043
Okay, well, that actually
sounds kind of fun.
112
00:04:37,157 --> 00:04:38,252
But that's not the hard part.
113
00:04:38,276 --> 00:04:40,633
The hard part is helping
me stay broken up with him,
114
00:04:40,658 --> 00:04:42,065
'cause "Today Mary" is gonna want to
115
00:04:42,089 --> 00:04:43,181
break up with that little scuzz,
116
00:04:43,205 --> 00:04:45,798
but "Tomorrow Mary" is
gonna go scuzz-blind.
117
00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:48,978
You know, this all sounds
very doable. I am in.
118
00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:51,312
Okay. Very nice doing business with you.
119
00:04:51,337 --> 00:04:52,367
Oh, wonderful.
120
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:53,812
Wonderful doing business with you.
121
00:04:55,718 --> 00:04:57,898
Yes! Nice. What?
122
00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:01,568
You have no idea the job
you just signed on for.
123
00:05:01,988 --> 00:05:04,508
There is nothing more
powerful than the bond
124
00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:07,055
between a Mary and her scuzz.
125
00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:10,416
- Backslide, Jack.
- Backslide.
126
00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:20,274
- Don't move!
- Jeez!
127
00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:23,029
God, okay...
128
00:05:23,054 --> 00:05:24,494
- Hi.
- Hey.
129
00:05:24,519 --> 00:05:27,479
Um, Mr. Griffin, what are
you doing in my math class?
130
00:05:27,514 --> 00:05:29,994
Whoa. It's like seeing
a tiger in the wild.
131
00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:32,174
Uh, Seth.
132
00:05:32,338 --> 00:05:34,563
Hi, I'm uh, Jack
Griffin. I teach A.P. Bio.
133
00:05:34,588 --> 00:05:35,848
So you're subbing here?
134
00:05:35,873 --> 00:05:37,964
Yep, yep. Anywhere that needs me.
135
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,444
- Ah.
- Kids really dig me.
136
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,955
I always play the first
48 minutes of a movie.
137
00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:44,974
I've seen the first half of a lot
138
00:05:45,014 --> 00:05:47,324
of really good flicks.
139
00:05:47,364 --> 00:05:48,600
Love it, I love it, I love it.
140
00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,674
- And no shoes. Very cool.
- Ah.
141
00:05:50,714 --> 00:05:52,302
So I have something very sensitive
142
00:05:52,327 --> 00:05:53,724
in nature to talk to you about.
143
00:05:54,028 --> 00:05:57,179
Um, gang, if you could just
go ahead and move your bodies
144
00:05:57,204 --> 00:05:59,267
to the back of the class,
and, you know, face the wall,
145
00:05:59,291 --> 00:06:00,598
like "Blair Witch" style.
146
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:01,906
Heather, you want to...?
147
00:06:02,761 --> 00:06:03,803
Yeah.
148
00:06:04,128 --> 00:06:06,254
All right, move it or lose it, D-bags.
149
00:06:14,894 --> 00:06:15,955
Uh, is that in, like...
150
00:06:15,980 --> 00:06:17,701
is that in the second
half of "Blair Witch"?
151
00:06:18,455 --> 00:06:21,328
Hey, so, um, I'm a friend of Mary's
152
00:06:21,353 --> 00:06:23,732
and, well, she's asked
me to tell you it's been
153
00:06:23,757 --> 00:06:26,343
a tepid ride, but, uh, it's over, okay?
154
00:06:27,853 --> 00:06:28,943
All right.
155
00:06:28,968 --> 00:06:30,289
Wait, are you... are you serious?
156
00:06:30,956 --> 00:06:34,013
- C-can we talk about that?
- With me? No. No, no, no.
157
00:06:34,038 --> 00:06:35,720
I-I'm not really up
to speed on most of it.
158
00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,604
I just, uh... you know,
just the messenger here.
159
00:06:37,628 --> 00:06:38,919
I just know it's over, you know?
160
00:06:38,944 --> 00:06:40,774
So, uh, my work is sort of done here.
161
00:06:40,799 --> 00:06:42,480
I just... I'm gonna go talk
to her, because once she...
162
00:06:42,504 --> 00:06:44,104
No, no, no.
163
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,645
I'm handling this.
164
00:06:46,644 --> 00:06:48,424
Oh.
165
00:06:49,554 --> 00:06:50,794
Oh, God.
166
00:06:52,949 --> 00:06:55,634
When a man cries, nothing feels safe.
167
00:06:58,759 --> 00:07:00,656
He did not take it well.
168
00:07:01,119 --> 00:07:02,564
Are you breaking it off with Seth?
169
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,082
Hey! Stop snooping.
170
00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:07,184
Go ahead, Jack. I'll cover.
171
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:10,533
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
172
00:07:10,558 --> 00:07:12,714
All right. Uh, yeah, he
just... he wouldn't accept it.
173
00:07:12,754 --> 00:07:15,574
All right? He was crying,
and he wants to talk.
174
00:07:16,222 --> 00:07:19,024
Damn it, Jack. Ugh. Cover me.
175
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,284
Oh. ♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪
176
00:07:21,309 --> 00:07:22,916
You were supposed to
handle this, you know,
177
00:07:22,940 --> 00:07:25,114
like family, not just phone it in.
178
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:27,374
Yeah, we can definitely
still hear you back here.
179
00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:29,489
Oh, my God. Just plug each other's ears.
180
00:07:35,294 --> 00:07:37,610
Look, don't worry about
it. I got you, okay?
181
00:07:37,635 --> 00:07:39,112
I'll come over later, and
I'll help you break it off.
182
00:07:39,136 --> 00:07:41,094
Um, no, no, no. We got
to do it at your place.
183
00:07:41,134 --> 00:07:42,974
Otherwise I'm gonna end
up hooking up with him.
184
00:07:43,010 --> 00:07:45,762
Uh, well, no, we can... what?
You can't break up at my place.
185
00:07:45,981 --> 00:07:48,301
Well, do you want to be
on my phone plan or not?
186
00:07:48,942 --> 00:07:51,159
Yes. Okay, fine. Fine, all right?
187
00:07:51,184 --> 00:07:52,184
But we got to do it fast,
188
00:07:52,209 --> 00:07:53,336
'cause Lynette's coming over later.
189
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,716
Ooooh.
190
00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:56,690
Marcus, how is it that
you're still hearing this?
191
00:07:56,714 --> 00:07:59,274
My fingers are too
small for his ear canals.
192
00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:00,769
They're huge.
193
00:08:00,794 --> 00:08:02,414
Don't brag about that.
194
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,903
♪ Sex is horrible ♪
195
00:08:08,928 --> 00:08:12,114
♪ And no one really likes it ♪
196
00:08:12,139 --> 00:08:13,709
So that's what I play whenever I,
197
00:08:13,734 --> 00:08:15,574
uh, catch a kid with a condom.
198
00:08:15,599 --> 00:08:17,545
Mm, my readers will love this.
199
00:08:17,570 --> 00:08:19,942
Oh, and this what I play
whenever I catch a student
200
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,774
with drugs.
201
00:08:21,839 --> 00:08:26,591
♪ Meth gives you joy
only Gods can experience ♪
202
00:08:26,616 --> 00:08:28,524
♪ But don't do it ♪
203
00:08:28,564 --> 00:08:30,643
Ralph, time to break some spirits.
204
00:08:30,668 --> 00:08:32,176
- Coach is here.
- Already?
205
00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,769
Oh, boy. You can stay Anthony.
206
00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:40,655
Coach, I, uh...
207
00:08:41,319 --> 00:08:44,599
I have some bad news I wish
I could protect you from.
208
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,364
You don't got to
sugarcoat it for me, Ralph.
209
00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:47,868
I'm not one of your book teachers.
210
00:08:47,893 --> 00:08:49,249
All right, uh, well, um...
211
00:08:49,815 --> 00:08:51,722
I don't know how, uh...
212
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:55,294
It seems that there's a, uh...
213
00:08:55,483 --> 00:08:57,882
Uh, well, I'm...
doesn't... It actually is...
214
00:08:58,671 --> 00:08:59,991
I'm sorry, uh...
215
00:09:01,819 --> 00:09:03,644
We're gonna let...
216
00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:07,214
the marching band and the football team
217
00:09:07,239 --> 00:09:10,799
share practice time
on the football field.
218
00:09:10,824 --> 00:09:13,906
What? No way. It's not...
it's not called a band field.
219
00:09:13,931 --> 00:09:15,368
Uh, that's a good point.
220
00:09:15,393 --> 00:09:17,617
You know what? I'm gonna,
uh, talk to the band director.
221
00:09:17,642 --> 00:09:19,664
Maybe we could, uh, find a...
222
00:09:19,689 --> 00:09:22,477
Oh, my God. Move over.
223
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:25,741
The band's gonna use
the field sometimes.
224
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:27,884
This is happening to you.
225
00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:29,714
Deal with it.
226
00:09:29,882 --> 00:09:31,962
Ralph, does the confident child speak
227
00:09:31,987 --> 00:09:33,327
on your behest for you?
228
00:09:36,684 --> 00:09:38,974
Our talk is done. Shoo.
229
00:09:39,424 --> 00:09:41,917
Shoo? You're gonna shoo me? Shoo you.
230
00:09:41,942 --> 00:09:43,894
Kids talk to me like that? Jesus Christ.
231
00:09:43,919 --> 00:09:45,300
That was amazing!
232
00:09:45,325 --> 00:09:46,474
Anthony!
233
00:09:46,514 --> 00:09:47,914
I have to deliver bad news all day.
234
00:09:47,939 --> 00:09:50,149
Is there any chance you'd want to sit in
235
00:09:50,174 --> 00:09:52,394
on some of these sessions?
236
00:09:52,419 --> 00:09:54,159
Okay, I can sweeten the deal.
237
00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:58,544
I got an Amazon gift card for Christmas,
238
00:09:58,614 --> 00:10:00,394
but there's not a slot
on my computer for it,
239
00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:01,489
so...
240
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,004
Sure.
241
00:10:14,374 --> 00:10:15,584
Okay.
242
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:19,616
All right. Listen...
243
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,144
Mare-bear.
244
00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:22,774
Tell me that he's a liar.
245
00:10:23,001 --> 00:10:24,584
Because I know that you love me.
246
00:10:24,609 --> 00:10:26,749
You even said that you
love how my back smells.
247
00:10:26,885 --> 00:10:29,214
No, I just said, "Your back smells."
248
00:10:30,519 --> 00:10:33,409
Seth, I'm looking for something else.
249
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:35,914
But, Mary, just think of all
the fun that we could have.
250
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:38,329
I just got us tickets
to see Michael McDonald
251
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:39,914
in concert next month.
252
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:43,639
I mean... I mean, if you
already got the tickets, then...
253
00:10:43,664 --> 00:10:45,509
Mary, he doesn't have the tickets.
254
00:10:45,534 --> 00:10:47,489
- I'm gonna get the tickets.
- He's gonna get the tickets.
255
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,679
- Yeah. He's never...
- Yeah, I'm gonna get...
256
00:10:48,703 --> 00:10:50,204
- No, he's never gonna get the tickets.
- I said I was gonna get...
257
00:10:50,228 --> 00:10:51,680
- He will not get the tickets!
- I need to get paid,
258
00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,431
- then I can buy the tickets.
- Mary, end this.
259
00:10:53,455 --> 00:10:54,673
You're a strong woman.
260
00:10:54,698 --> 00:10:57,164
I've seen you kick a
coffee table across a lobby.
261
00:11:01,504 --> 00:11:03,503
Seth, have a happy life.
262
00:11:04,527 --> 00:11:06,816
No. I'm not going anywhere...
263
00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:08,914
until you take me back.
264
00:11:09,615 --> 00:11:11,828
Wait. What? Wait. Are those...
265
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,431
Uh, that's not good.
266
00:11:14,453 --> 00:11:15,813
- Whatever. Bye.
- Where you going?
267
00:11:15,838 --> 00:11:17,734
No, no, no. No, no, no.
268
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:19,239
You're not... no. Oh.
269
00:11:21,207 --> 00:11:22,502
Oh.
270
00:11:27,249 --> 00:11:28,314
Did she...
271
00:11:28,338 --> 00:11:29,352
She left, right?
272
00:11:29,377 --> 00:11:31,197
Is that her car now?
273
00:11:33,669 --> 00:11:35,369
- Come on.
- Closer.
274
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:37,911
Warmer. Warmer.
275
00:11:37,936 --> 00:11:39,864
Oh, stop tricking me into touching
276
00:11:39,889 --> 00:11:41,059
other parts of your body.
277
00:11:41,084 --> 00:11:42,865
Just tell me where the
keys to the cuffs are.
278
00:11:43,186 --> 00:11:44,292
I don't know.
279
00:11:45,049 --> 00:11:47,341
All right, man. You asked for this.
280
00:11:54,671 --> 00:11:56,716
- You gonna tell me?
- This is fine.
281
00:11:57,171 --> 00:11:59,602
It's kind of like a back massage.
282
00:12:00,577 --> 00:12:03,012
Oops. That step's
trying to steal my jeans.
283
00:12:03,037 --> 00:12:04,732
Oh, it got 'em.
284
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,837
There they go.
285
00:12:06,357 --> 00:12:07,989
Yeah, that's what I'm working with.
286
00:12:08,014 --> 00:12:10,002
Oh, come on...
287
00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:14,082
- Hi.
- Hello.
288
00:12:15,555 --> 00:12:16,882
Oof. Okay.
289
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,494
Three openers... Uh, you
look great, all right?
290
00:12:19,519 --> 00:12:21,647
You smell like lemons, and..
291
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:24,345
Mary's ex-boyfriend is handcuffed
292
00:12:24,370 --> 00:12:26,042
to my dead mom's stair lift.
293
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,924
- Hey, Lynette.
- Oh.
294
00:12:27,949 --> 00:12:30,021
Jack took off my pants
with this antique elevator.
295
00:12:30,046 --> 00:12:32,292
- No, that's... that's a lie.
- Hey, Seth.
296
00:12:32,317 --> 00:12:33,994
Hey, do you happen to
have my paycheck on you?
297
00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:35,693
I think it should be around $38.
298
00:12:35,718 --> 00:12:36,818
You know, I don't,
299
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,514
and I think you broke even after taxes.
300
00:12:39,539 --> 00:12:40,943
Thanks, Obama.
301
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,432
- Wine? Yeah.
- Love some.
302
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,152
What are we thinking,
though, red or white?
303
00:12:46,865 --> 00:12:48,915
I don't really know
anything about birds.
304
00:12:49,096 --> 00:12:52,275
My hobby is stuffing
things... you know, taxidermy.
305
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:56,681
And I guess I'd just rather
stuff birds because...
306
00:12:57,498 --> 00:12:59,328
So are you guys like a thing?
307
00:12:59,353 --> 00:13:00,989
Because you seem like
you're into each other,
308
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,923
but you also seem like you're cousins.
309
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,158
Like, I guess what I'm asking
310
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,932
is what stuff are you guys doing?
311
00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:07,535
- Mostly outercourse.
- None of your business.
312
00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:09,307
"Outercourse"?
313
00:13:09,608 --> 00:13:12,434
Okay, well... I'll leave you guys to it.
314
00:13:17,032 --> 00:13:18,722
A man should have a hobby.
315
00:13:24,164 --> 00:13:27,837
Oh, man, these birds
are just so furious.
316
00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:29,838
- So mad.
- One second.
317
00:13:29,863 --> 00:13:31,471
I like it with the sound on.
318
00:13:31,496 --> 00:13:33,254
Do you? This is mine now.
319
00:13:34,301 --> 00:13:37,222
I mean, no phone plan is worth this.
320
00:13:37,247 --> 00:13:39,567
Hey, you know how you
get rid of me, right?
321
00:13:40,792 --> 00:13:42,146
You get me back with my love...
322
00:13:43,032 --> 00:13:44,302
my soul mate.
323
00:13:49,701 --> 00:13:52,082
Hey, look, nobody wants
to see you backslide
324
00:13:52,107 --> 00:13:53,322
any less than me, but...
325
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:56,586
You should know Seth
is obsessed with you.
326
00:13:56,726 --> 00:13:58,367
He won't stop talking about you.
327
00:13:59,202 --> 00:14:00,422
Did he say obsessed, or...
328
00:14:00,462 --> 00:14:02,722
Uh-uh. Okay, I know that look.
329
00:14:02,772 --> 00:14:04,624
- Michelle, let's go.
- Yeah.
330
00:14:04,649 --> 00:14:07,162
I told you, Jack... backslide.
331
00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,262
See you.
332
00:14:13,140 --> 00:14:15,172
- Yeah.
- Oop.
333
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:16,829
I'll find it. Yeah.
334
00:14:17,961 --> 00:14:19,871
Look, I'm... I'm telling you,
335
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:21,792
this guy wants you back so badly,
336
00:14:21,832 --> 00:14:23,222
he went on a hunger strike.
337
00:14:23,724 --> 00:14:25,621
Oh, he must be out of his mind for me.
338
00:14:25,646 --> 00:14:27,236
Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's a mess.
339
00:14:27,260 --> 00:14:29,453
You know, I'm just gonna stay focused,
340
00:14:29,478 --> 00:14:30,842
and I'm not gonna think about him.
341
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:32,347
- You are gonna be fine.
- Yeah.
342
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,517
All right.
343
00:14:33,542 --> 00:14:35,412
- Okay.
- You got this.
344
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:43,112
_
345
00:14:49,782 --> 00:14:51,482
Stay strong. Stay strong.
346
00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:58,172
Time to hit some peeps with bad news.
347
00:15:01,197 --> 00:15:04,665
Joyce, we moved your parking
spot to the auxiliary lot.
348
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:05,910
It's a done deal.
349
00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:07,937
You see, that's not gonna work for me.
350
00:15:07,962 --> 00:15:10,882
I'm already getting up at
2:00 a.m. to take my nephew
351
00:15:10,922 --> 00:15:12,851
to the ER 'cause of his croup.
352
00:15:12,876 --> 00:15:15,232
- I says to my sister...
- Joyce. Joyce.
353
00:15:15,257 --> 00:15:16,557
Joyce!
354
00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:18,398
Not my business.
355
00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,372
Mute and scoot.
356
00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:25,232
All of your cleaning
supplies are being switched
357
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:26,724
to generic and unscented.
358
00:15:26,749 --> 00:15:28,292
"Unscented"?
359
00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:31,602
You know what humans
do in bathrooms, right?
360
00:15:32,508 --> 00:15:34,102
You're with me on this, right, Durbin?
361
00:15:35,407 --> 00:15:36,648
Durbin's not here.
362
00:15:36,673 --> 00:15:38,822
Breathe out your mouth.
363
00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:45,183
Principal Durbin isn't
concerning himself
364
00:15:45,208 --> 00:15:47,124
with the casting of the school play.
365
00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:50,714
You can either play "Tree
in Distance" or quit.
366
00:15:50,739 --> 00:15:53,903
Great! I'll play the
tree. I don't mind at all.
367
00:15:53,936 --> 00:15:54,947
Oh.
368
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:05,386
Right, new plan.
369
00:16:05,411 --> 00:16:08,793
So I'm texting Mary from
her ex-boyfriend's phone.
370
00:16:08,825 --> 00:16:10,073
I'm gonna trick her into getting back
371
00:16:10,097 --> 00:16:11,864
with that idiot so I can
get him out of my house.
372
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,418
Uh, do you guys have any suggestions?
373
00:16:14,934 --> 00:16:17,383
I don't get it. Aren't
you Mary's friend?
374
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:18,531
Of course. Yeah.
375
00:16:18,556 --> 00:16:21,209
Yeah, and didn't she offer
to put you on her family plan
376
00:16:21,234 --> 00:16:22,709
if you help her get rid of this guy?
377
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:23,758
Yeah.
378
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,368
And now you're trying to set her up
with the very same man
379
00:16:26,393 --> 00:16:29,442
who you yourself called
an idiot not moments ago?
380
00:16:32,146 --> 00:16:34,966
You guys... you all think I'm a bad guy?
381
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:37,341
Is that what this is?
382
00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:40,202
Heather, where do you stand on this?
383
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,907
I can't tell if you're doing a mission
384
00:16:42,932 --> 00:16:45,019
for Ms. Wagner or against her.
385
00:16:45,044 --> 00:16:47,013
I'm Team Griffin either way.
386
00:16:47,239 --> 00:16:50,502
Let's get her... or help her.
387
00:16:50,995 --> 00:16:52,998
I guess you have to ask yourself
388
00:16:53,023 --> 00:16:55,049
if you really care about your friend.
389
00:16:57,878 --> 00:16:59,838
See, this is why I avoid friendships.
390
00:16:59,863 --> 00:17:01,162
Yeah, that's why.
391
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:03,997
Now I'm gonna have to
figure out another way
392
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,864
to get rid of this human pork rind.
393
00:17:07,856 --> 00:17:10,002
Guess I'm gonna have to do
it the old-fashioned way.
394
00:17:22,869 --> 00:17:23,949
Scuzz-blind.
395
00:17:25,302 --> 00:17:26,362
Wait, what?
396
00:17:33,221 --> 00:17:35,619
I'm sorry, Mary, did you
have the key the whole time?
397
00:17:35,644 --> 00:17:37,236
No. Seth was hiding it
398
00:17:37,261 --> 00:17:39,351
in a place I call his "secret pouch."
399
00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:40,556
And that's not my butt.
400
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,343
No. What is happening? Why?
401
00:17:42,368 --> 00:17:44,374
We're back, baby.
402
00:17:44,399 --> 00:17:45,789
All right, I'm gonna pop upstairs,
403
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:46,953
I'm gonna put my jeans back on,
404
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,467
and then we're gonna scoot.
405
00:17:50,422 --> 00:17:53,082
- Oh, God.
- I know.
406
00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,270
Mary, you... you... you can't
get back together with that guy.
407
00:17:56,294 --> 00:17:58,202
Jack, don't worry. You're off the hook.
408
00:17:58,227 --> 00:17:59,895
We'll go get you a
brand-new phone tomorrow
409
00:17:59,919 --> 00:18:01,102
and sign you up on my plan.
410
00:18:01,127 --> 00:18:03,184
No, but it... it... it
just don't feel right.
411
00:18:05,714 --> 00:18:06,839
Okay, Jackie boy.
412
00:18:06,864 --> 00:18:07,899
It's been a fun 24 hours,
413
00:18:07,924 --> 00:18:09,364
but it's time for me to get going.
414
00:18:09,561 --> 00:18:11,091
Yeah, that's my mother's luggage.
415
00:18:11,116 --> 00:18:12,139
Oh.
416
00:18:13,912 --> 00:18:16,802
Well, it's broken. Tell her that.
417
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:17,917
All right, babe.
418
00:18:17,942 --> 00:18:19,646
I'm gonna go outside
and warm up the car...
419
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,347
with my farts.
420
00:18:25,462 --> 00:18:27,678
Eh, diet starts tomorrow,
421
00:18:27,703 --> 00:18:29,250
but tonight I'm gonna go eat this cake.
422
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:30,381
Wait, wait. Hold on one second.
423
00:18:30,405 --> 00:18:32,235
- I just...
- What the fudge?
424
00:18:32,260 --> 00:18:33,700
Uh-huh, yep. Nope.
425
00:18:33,725 --> 00:18:34,972
No, no, no. Nope, nope.
426
00:18:34,996 --> 00:18:36,436
You're not going with him. Let's go.
427
00:18:37,167 --> 00:18:39,552
Jack, I am a grown-ass woman,
428
00:18:39,592 --> 00:18:42,456
and sometimes I want to make
bad decisions, so let me.
429
00:18:42,481 --> 00:18:45,141
No. I'm not letting you leave
until you've horned down a bit
430
00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,126
and promise me you are
done with that dude.
431
00:18:47,151 --> 00:18:48,906
Fine, then no phone plan for you.
432
00:18:49,382 --> 00:18:50,442
Fine.
433
00:18:51,602 --> 00:18:52,762
But I have something to say,
434
00:18:53,187 --> 00:18:55,252
and this is not gonna be one
of those things where I tell you
435
00:18:55,276 --> 00:18:57,576
that you are deserving
of someone far better than
436
00:18:57,601 --> 00:19:00,436
that human tapeworm out there
because you are a catch...
437
00:19:01,783 --> 00:19:03,360
and not just a Toledo catch,
438
00:19:03,385 --> 00:19:05,569
but, like, a regular, good-city catch.
439
00:19:06,831 --> 00:19:08,011
Instead, I'm gonna sit here with you
440
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:09,862
until you come to that
conclusion on your own.
441
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,149
And there is absolutely no way
I'm letting you go before then
442
00:19:13,174 --> 00:19:16,234
because I do not have the
keys to these handcuffs.
443
00:19:17,244 --> 00:19:19,154
I'm just now realizing that.
444
00:19:22,889 --> 00:19:23,979
Hello?
445
00:19:24,407 --> 00:19:26,834
Oh, uh, where's Principal Durbin?
446
00:19:27,482 --> 00:19:28,792
Take a seat.
447
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:31,127
Okeydokey.
448
00:19:31,152 --> 00:19:34,112
Didn't expect, uh... you to be here.
449
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:35,617
So, uh...
450
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,252
what is this meeting about?
451
00:19:41,376 --> 00:19:43,726
As you can see, you gave me a B-minus
452
00:19:43,751 --> 00:19:45,361
on my erosion diorama.
453
00:19:45,526 --> 00:19:47,216
I'll be damned if I'm
gonna let you keep me
454
00:19:47,241 --> 00:19:49,521
out of Georgetown, so
you're gonna give me an A,
455
00:19:50,018 --> 00:19:51,978
or we're gonna have to let you go.
456
00:19:55,366 --> 00:19:58,066
Oh, thank God. Anthony's
trying to fire me.
457
00:19:58,802 --> 00:19:59,912
What are you doing?
458
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:02,066
I think something bit Anthony.
459
00:20:02,091 --> 00:20:03,225
Can you hear me?
460
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:04,540
Quiet, Noodle Curls!
461
00:20:04,677 --> 00:20:07,722
You got a little too much
dip on your chip, buster.
462
00:20:07,772 --> 00:20:10,605
Get up, take your disrespectful butt
463
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:12,214
straight to my office!
464
00:20:12,682 --> 00:20:13,753
Keep it moving!
465
00:20:13,778 --> 00:20:16,308
I'm sorry. I was trying
to help Principal Durbin.
466
00:20:16,909 --> 00:20:22,692
Dave, your classes are being
transferred to the trailer.
467
00:20:22,742 --> 00:20:23,952
What?
468
00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:25,968
Oh, come on.
469
00:20:25,993 --> 00:20:28,046
We're done talking. Shoo.
470
00:20:31,349 --> 00:20:33,959
Well, thank you so
much for ruining my day.
471
00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,734
I already sat in cornbread.
472
00:20:35,759 --> 00:20:38,199
Come on.
473
00:20:42,483 --> 00:20:44,281
Well, good work, Jack-In-The-Sweats.
474
00:20:44,322 --> 00:20:45,722
Yeah, nice job.
475
00:20:45,762 --> 00:20:47,855
Hey, I would do the
same for either of you.
476
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:50,161
- Aw.
- Please don't break up my marriage.
477
00:20:50,186 --> 00:20:51,416
- Please.
- I'm not...
478
00:20:51,441 --> 00:20:53,020
Now, Stef, she could use a little help.
479
00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:54,528
I don't have a problem.
480
00:20:54,553 --> 00:20:57,513
I just like dating older Indian doctors.
481
00:20:57,781 --> 00:20:59,537
They're always secretly married.
482
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:00,638
Not happily.
483
00:21:00,663 --> 00:21:02,143
And leaders of a sex cult.
484
00:21:02,168 --> 00:21:03,978
Not happily.
485
00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:06,926
Oh, I should head to class.
486
00:21:07,373 --> 00:21:08,893
Yep, I should probably head with you.
487
00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:10,514
Okeydokey.
488
00:21:10,539 --> 00:21:11,839
We can hit shop class at lunch.
489
00:21:11,864 --> 00:21:12,884
- Okay.
- You know?
490
00:21:12,909 --> 00:21:14,056
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Whoa.
491
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,300
I got to say, though,
492
00:21:15,325 --> 00:21:17,595
- I, uh... I'm gonna miss this.
- Aw.
35498
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