All language subtitles for 227 s05e24 No Place Like Home

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame away.

together we'll make it right with him
from our friends with

your family around

you you're never alone when you know
that you love you don't need to roam

there ain't no place like there ain't no
place like

I mean no plate, child.

Well,

I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going
back to that supermarket.

The price is getting too fancy for me. I
know what you mean, child.

The next thing you know, they'll be
selling designer meat.

Well, you know, we really appreciate you
letting us use your apartment for the

dinner for Warren's police captain.

Remember that Julian starting to paint
our apartment this weekend?

Well, if I know Julian, he picked this
weekend on purpose.

Probably thought you'd say never mind
and he'd get out of painting it all

together. All right, I'll get that for
you, lady.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to help her with his shopping
bags. You know, I help you and you help

me, sister.

Sister? I don't remember seeing you at
the family reunion.

Listen, my husband is a policeman and he
specializes in grocery muggers. Oh, no,

I'm not a mugger. I'm just trying to
help her. Put that bag down, you

Wait, wait a minute.

I ain't got...

Get out of here, Pearl. Get out of here.

Thanks, Pearl. It's a good thing you had
that broom.

Sure is.

And if you need any kind of help again,
just let me know, okay?

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Rose.

Hi, Brenda.

What happened to that man that was out
here? Pearl just swept him clean off the

stoop. That was Ted.

Ted? You mean you know that criminal on
a first -name basis?

Mom, he's not a criminal. He's homeless.
He says he does odd jobs to get money.

Brenda, how many times do I have to tell
you don't talk to strangers?

Brenda, your mother is right.

Now, your heart's in the right place,
but that man could have been dangerous.

And what was he doing here anyway?

I was sitting on the stoop and he walked
by and asked if anybody needed any help

or anything.

So I went up to Mr. Barlow's because I
figured he needed a handyman, but he

wasn't home.

Well, I don't like it.

He could have been a con man just
pretending to be homeless for all you

Everybody's not what they say they are.

You got that right.

I met a man once told me that he was a
psychiatrist.

Shoot, all he wanted to do was get me on
his couch.

Pond to Queens Bishop 4.

You dog, you. I knew I should have never
taught you how to play this game.

Yeah, but you did.

Ray, don't you have some mail to
deliver?

Uh -huh.

But the health of the people on my route
comes first.

If I ever delivered the mail on time,
they'd all have heart attacks.

Heart attack.

Check that.

Check this.

Y 'all got to move.

We got to set the table.

Mary, I'm winning. I don't want Ray to
have any excuse for this weapon I'm

putting on his butt. You heard what the
little wolf had said. We got to move.

Thanks, Mary. I needed something to
break this sucker's concentration. I'm

to break your butt. Come on over here.

Hi,

everybody.

Rose, I made you a three -bean sandwich.
salad. But Eva, you told me that you

were going to make a Chinese chicken
salad.

Well, I was, but I couldn't find any
Chinese chicken.

Oh, please let me get it.

Hello, everybody.

Here's the macaroni and cheese.

Thanks, Pearl. I'll take you to the
kitchen. I want to see what else you

Hi, Pearl.

What is this, Grand Central Station?

I don't know, but Lord, please let it
not be Julian.

Hello, Mary.

You weren't listening, were you?

Oh, there you are, Rose Holloway hyphen
Meriwether.

I'm here with a painting news update.

Good, Julian. Now, when are we going to
be able to use our apartment?

Well, it's going along swimmingly, but
the lads are taking a little break. They

have to study for their arithmetic test
on Monday.

Wait a minute. How old are these
painters?

Well, let me put it this way. By the
time the paint dries, their voices will

have changed.

By the by, has anyone noticed some

unkempt undesirables hanging around the
building lately?

Yes, but the post office assigned this
route to Ray.

One of them tried to take Mary's grocery
bag today.

He wasn't trying to take it. He was
homeless, and he was just trying to help

out. Uh -huh. Mary told me you almost
cold -cocked him with your broom.

I sure did.

See y 'all later.

You know, Ward was telling me that some
of these homeless people aren't really

homeless. They're fakes.

I think some of them like it out there.
It's easier than working.

So is playing chess.

There must be something we can do to
help.

I mean, I wish we could, but I'm afraid
the homeless problem is too big for the

few of us to handle.

Checkmate.

Why'd you tell me to make that dumb
move?

I was just feeling frisky.

Well, I gotta go.

Hate to win and run.

I'll be waiting on your butt when you
come back here. All right. Wait a

Can you take this letter for me?

I'm a male man, not a male bach.

Your mouth is so big, I couldn't tell
the difference.

Okay, Travis, here's the wax you asked
for. Oh, thanks, Mary. You're a

lifesaver. Give it to Dylan.

Isn't it interesting how versatile our
friend Mr. Wax really is? You can wax

floors, wax paper, wax lips. How about
waxing the car?

Car.

What's up with you, Travis?

I have never known you to clean this
limo.

Usually, you just pray for rain.

Yeah, you see, I'm trying to get this
fat cat to sign this exclusive contract

with me, but he's a neat freak, and this
baby has got to sparkle.

Mary, Mary, come here. Come here.

Look how clean this car is. You could
practically live in it. Shh.

I wouldn't say that too loud.

Julian will charge you rent.

All right. Hurry up, home shammy boy.

We'll be here any minute.

Waxing as fast as I can.

Turtle wax.

No wonder it takes so long.

I'll get it.

Rub on, McBuff.

Hello, limo service.

You've reached the clean machine.

Uh -huh.

Yes, sir.

Absolutely.

Okay, thanks for calling.

Uh, Dillard. Not now. I'm waxing full.

That was Mr.

Morris calling to confirm his
appointment.

For tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Like in, not in today, the day
I gave him the date? Not tomorrow?

Not today, tomorrow?

Tomorrow, today?

I got the date wrong.

Isn't that funny? You know what's funny
is what you're going to look like with

this up your nose.

Hey, Mom.

I'm going over to Rita's, okay?

Okay. Don't stay too late.

All right.

Rose told me she had a run -in with a
weirdo on the stoop today. You want to

file a complaint?

Oh, no. He wasn't a weirdo. He was some
homeless guy.

Wanted to carry my bags. I told him no
and Pearl chased him off.

Hmm, sounds like he was just trying to
pick up some spare change.

I guess.

Well, anyway, thanks.

Sure.

Oh, by the way, what time should I bring
the captain by for dinner tonight?

Uh, 7 .30.

You know, Eric, I can remember when I
was a beef cop, you know, just starting

out. I'd have to run them off all the
time.

Run who off?

The homeless.

Oh. Oh, Mary, break your heart.

These poor people would camp out in
public places, and then people would

complain, and then that's the hardest
part about being a cop is having to

them off knowing they don't have any
place to go.

That must have been horrible.

Too bad.

Yeah, we should just be thankful we're
not in their shoes.

You can say that again.

Oh.

Oh, Mary, I'm sorry. You're tired, and
here I am chattering like a little bird.

Chattering, yes.

Bird, maybe.

Little, uh -uh.

Little, uh -uh.

Anyway, if you have any more problem
with the homeless, you just let me know,

okay?

Little, uh -uh.

It's too bad about the homeless.

Oh, let's see, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

It's cold out here. I better get inside.

Uh -oh.

Don't even think about it.

What's wrong with you, Julian? Get out
of my way. Julian, I don't know who you

are, but if you wish to address me, my
name is Mr.

Barlow. Now, scat. Go on. Get out of
here. You're crazy. It's cold out here.

Perhaps you'd prefer a nice, warm jail
cell, because I can arrange that in a

minute.

I have a policeman living in my
building. Now get out of here.

Thought I lived here, too.

Shoot, I'm hungry.

What if I got any leftovers in here?

Wait a minute.

How can I have leftovers if I ain't got
no food to have leftover from?

Well, if I wasn't so hungry, I'd try to
figure out what I said.

Excuse me, mister. Could you spare some
change?

What do I look like to you, lady?

A bank?

You better get yourself a job.

You better get yourself a job.

Oh, Ray.

Ray, could you give me some change?

No, but here's a million dollars.

Send that to Ed McMahon and tell him Ray
sent you.

Oh, let me help you with that. Hey, get
away from me. What are you doing?

I'm just trying to help you, sister.

Sister? I don't remember seeing you at
the family reunion.

Maryweather, how can you treat your best
friend like that?

How do you know who I am?

Maybe she was going through your garbage
and found something with your name on

it. Your garbage?

Do I look like somebody who would go
through your garbage?

So where's your garbage?

John!

Oh, no, you don't. Ow! You'll stay away
from all my customers.

Now, just how do you know I'm not a
customer?

Where do I begin?

For your information, I saw your help
wanted sign, and I just wanted to help.

I see you wore your best outfit for the
interview.

See, that's the problem.

See, I can't get any clean clothes
without money. I can't get any money

a job, and I can't get any job without
clean clothes.

You're right. You got a problem.

But the job's been filled.

By who? The invisible man?

No, Mr. Clean.

I know you helped me. I'm sorry, ma 'am,
but my mother told me not to talk to

strangers.

Look, after 18 years, she decides to
listen to her mother.

Huh? Honey, I'm not a stranger. I'm your
mother.

I'm sorry, but I'd really love to help
you.

Hey, you can.

Just give me some money till I get a
job.

What's going on here, Brand?

Lester!

My wife may look bad in the morning, but
not that bad.

Hey, sister.

My name is Al.

Where are you crashing tonight?

Crashing?

Um, I don't know. I hadn't thought about
it.

Well, you better.

Because once the sun goes down, it gets
real cold out here.

Well, what are you out to?

Shoot us. We holler together. You meet a
lot of nice folks that way.

I haven't seen you around before.

Are you new?

Actually, I've been living around here
most of my life.

Then you must know some warm, clean
places.

Clean.

Yeah, maybe I do.

Well, here it is, Mr. Morris. The
cleanest, freshest, spankiest limo in D

fact, this baby's so clean, you can see
yourself.

Yes, I can.

How are the tires?

Hey, you can take them.

Take your shoes off first.

Well, now, let's see.

Little test here.

Absolutely spotless.

A pristine limousine.

An immaculate contraption.

Well, Travis, if the inside is anything
like the outside, then we have a deal.

Hey, come right this way.

Ta -da!

Oh, hi there.

Oh, hi there, hell.

What are you doing in my limo?

The backstroke.

Back lady humor. Stop it. You're killing
me. Get out of here.

You know, Travis, this is rather
disturbing.

Look, Mr.

Morris, I'll take care of it.

Now, look, lady.

You better make like an egg and beat it.

If I could make like an egg, I'd eat it.

you all the jigs up.

Travis,

who are all these people? And whose is
that chihuahua?

Is that a chihuahua?

Before he was homeless, he was a Saint
Bernard.

Travis, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid the deal is off. I couldn't
possibly ride in a limousine that's been

contaminated by these creatures.

No, wait. Mr.

Morse, we can clean the limo. We'll
spray for fleas.

I'm sorry.

I was hungry.

I've never seen you around here before.
You're new, aren't you?

Nobody will help me.

Why are people so mean?

It's not that they're mean. It's just
that they're afraid that they're going

get stuck.

It's like feeding a stray cat.

You know, once you do, they keep coming
back.

Well, I'm homeless, but I'm still a
person.

There ought to be something we can do.

There is. We just have to keep working
at it and helping each other until we

find a solution.

Why don't you get some rest?

Wait a minute.

You're the first person to show me any
kindness.

How can I repay you?

What goes around comes around.

Just pass the kindness on to someone
else.

See you.

I'll repay you. I'll find you.

I'm tired.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you. I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

Mary? Mary, wake up. Hey, babe. Hey,
babe, wake up. No, this is my bed.

Mary, you all right?

You call me Mary.

You recognize me.

Of course I do. I recognize that snore
anywhere.

Mr. Jenkins, I don't snore.

And that for saying I look bad in the
morning.

Mary, what are you talking about?

Oh, honey, I had this dream.

It was terrible.

I dreamed I was homeless.

I was on the street, and nobody cared
about me. Nobody knew me.

I couldn't get any food, and I was cold,
and worst of all, I had these shopping

bags, and I couldn't go shopping.

You should have that dream more often.

Save me a fortune.

Guess who was in it?

That man I ran off this morning.

Oh, I don't even know how I could treat
him that way.

Well, ma 'am, you didn't know who he
was?

You don't know what they go through. I
mean, just stay alive.

We got to do something to help him.

Well, ma 'am, I'd like to help the
homeless, but you said it yourself, the

problem is bigger than the few of us.

Well, we just have to cut it down to
size.

Hi, Lester.

Hi, Rose.

Hi, Mary. Listen, we're going to have to
call the dinner off because Warren and

his captain are stuck on a stakeout at
Stan's Stateside Steakhouse.

Well, that's too bad because the steaks
at Stan's Stateside Steakhouse stink.

Wait a minute.

The dinner is on.

Excuse me.

We're looking for Ted.

Oh, he's not here.

In my dream, he was here.

Then go back to sleep.

Maybe he'll show up.

We gotta find him. We have food for him.

Did you say food?

Mom,

what are we gonna do? Do you think we
have enough?

I hope so.

All we can do is what Ted said. Pass it
on.

I think in this case we should pass it
out. I'm gonna start.

Come on over here, everybody.

Hey, what's going on here? What's
happening?

Ted, there you are.

Oh, that broom lady isn't with you, is
she?

No. Look, I'm sorry about what happened
this morning. I just didn't know what

you were trying to do.

Oh, look.

Most people react the way you did.

They want to help. They don't know what
to do. And frankly, they're scared to

find out.

Well, I found out.

I dreamed the nightmare you've been
living.

Yeah, you know, it's a great thing
you're doing here.

Unfortunately, you know...

Food is not the whole answer.

I know.

But then what is?

Well, people's attitudes have got to
change.

I mean, we're not crazy.

We don't like being out here.

And believe me, most of us do want to
work.

But, you know, a lot of us were just
down on our luck.

In fact, most people in America are only
three paychecks away from being

homeless. I say, what kind of work do
you do?

Oh, man.

Any kind. I mean, we will even sweep the
streets, wash cars, a few good startup

jobs and some understanding, and lots of
us can get off the streets and start

paying taxes like the rest of you.

Okay, here's my card.

I'll call around and see what I can find
out.

Oh, man, you're in the construction.

Maybe you can get some of your people to
look at an idea we have for affordable

housing for the homeless.

What is it?

It's a geodesic dome. And with it, we
can get lots of people off the streets

the wintertime.

Oh, those little structures look like
igloos.

You get the information for me, and I'll
see what I can come up with. All right,

man. Solid.

Thank you very much. We really
appreciate it. We just want to get back

mainstream, you know?

But first, the mainstream got to know
you're missing.

That's true.

That's true.

Well, I'm going to get a bite, okay?
Okay, here. Give this to the folks. All

right. Thank you.

Well, I'm back with some clothes.

I... Julian!

Mary, Lester, what are you doing here?

Wait a minute.

Did I evict you?

I don't believe this. Julian, don't tell
me you're bringing clothes for the

homeless. Oh, these are hopelessly out
of fashion. I wouldn't be caught dead in

these things.

Mm -hmm.

That's why they have the price tags on
them, huh?

Oh, excuse me.

Have you folks eaten yet? How about
joining us for dinner?

Hey, great.

I hear the cook's pretty good.