Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame away.

together we'll make it right with him from our friends with

your family around

you you're never alone when you know that you love you don't need to roam

there ain't no place like there ain't no place like

I mean no plate, child.

Well,

I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going back to that supermarket.

The price is getting too fancy for me. I know what you mean, child.

The next thing you know, they'll be selling designer meat.

Well, you know, we really appreciate you letting us use your apartment for the

dinner for Warren's police captain.

Remember that Julian starting to paint our apartment this weekend?

Well, if I know Julian, he picked this weekend on purpose.

Probably thought you'd say never mind and he'd get out of painting it all

together. All right, I'll get that for you, lady.

What are you doing?

I'm trying to help her with his shopping bags. You know, I help you and you help

me, sister.

Sister? I don't remember seeing you at the family reunion.

Listen, my husband is a policeman and he specializes in grocery muggers. Oh, no,

I'm not a mugger. I'm just trying to help her. Put that bag down, you

Wait, wait a minute.

I ain't got...

Get out of here, Pearl. Get out of here.

Thanks, Pearl. It's a good thing you had that broom.

Sure is.

And if you need any kind of help again, just let me know, okay?

Hi, Mom.

Hi, Rose.

Hi, Brenda.

What happened to that man that was out here? Pearl just swept him clean off the

stoop. That was Ted.

Ted? You mean you know that criminal on a first -name basis?

Mom, he's not a criminal. He's homeless. He says he does odd jobs to get money.

Brenda, how many times do I have to tell you don't talk to strangers?

Brenda, your mother is right.

Now, your heart's in the right place, but that man could have been dangerous.

And what was he doing here anyway?

I was sitting on the stoop and he walked by and asked if anybody needed any help

or anything.

So I went up to Mr. Barlow's because I figured he needed a handyman, but he

wasn't home.

Well, I don't like it.

He could have been a con man just pretending to be homeless for all you

Everybody's not what they say they are.

You got that right.

I met a man once told me that he was a psychiatrist.

Shoot, all he wanted to do was get me on his couch.

Pond to Queens Bishop 4.

You dog, you. I knew I should have never taught you how to play this game.

Yeah, but you did.

Ray, don't you have some mail to deliver?

Uh -huh.

But the health of the people on my route comes first.

If I ever delivered the mail on time, they'd all have heart attacks.

Heart attack.

Check that.

Check this.

Y 'all got to move.

We got to set the table.

Mary, I'm winning. I don't want Ray to have any excuse for this weapon I'm

putting on his butt. You heard what the little wolf had said. We got to move.

Thanks, Mary. I needed something to break this sucker's concentration. I'm

to break your butt. Come on over here.

Hi,

everybody.

Rose, I made you a three -bean sandwich. salad. But Eva, you told me that you

were going to make a Chinese chicken salad.

Well, I was, but I couldn't find any Chinese chicken.

Oh, please let me get it.

Hello, everybody.

Here's the macaroni and cheese.

Thanks, Pearl. I'll take you to the kitchen. I want to see what else you

Hi, Pearl.

What is this, Grand Central Station?

I don't know, but Lord, please let it not be Julian.

Hello, Mary.

You weren't listening, were you?

Oh, there you are, Rose Holloway hyphen Meriwether.

I'm here with a painting news update.

Good, Julian. Now, when are we going to be able to use our apartment?

Well, it's going along swimmingly, but the lads are taking a little break. They

have to study for their arithmetic test on Monday.

Wait a minute. How old are these painters?

Well, let me put it this way. By the time the paint dries, their voices will

have changed.

By the by, has anyone noticed some

unkempt undesirables hanging around the building lately?

Yes, but the post office assigned this route to Ray.

One of them tried to take Mary's grocery bag today.

He wasn't trying to take it. He was homeless, and he was just trying to help

out. Uh -huh. Mary told me you almost cold -cocked him with your broom.

I sure did.

See y 'all later.

You know, Ward was telling me that some of these homeless people aren't really

homeless. They're fakes.

I think some of them like it out there. It's easier than working.

So is playing chess.

There must be something we can do to help.

I mean, I wish we could, but I'm afraid the homeless problem is too big for the

few of us to handle.

Checkmate.

Why'd you tell me to make that dumb move?

I was just feeling frisky.

Well, I gotta go.

Hate to win and run.

I'll be waiting on your butt when you come back here. All right. Wait a

Can you take this letter for me?

I'm a male man, not a male bach.

Your mouth is so big, I couldn't tell the difference.

Okay, Travis, here's the wax you asked for. Oh, thanks, Mary. You're a

lifesaver. Give it to Dylan.

Isn't it interesting how versatile our friend Mr. Wax really is? You can wax

floors, wax paper, wax lips. How about waxing the car?

Car.

What's up with you, Travis?

I have never known you to clean this limo.

Usually, you just pray for rain.

Yeah, you see, I'm trying to get this fat cat to sign this exclusive contract

with me, but he's a neat freak, and this baby has got to sparkle.

Mary, Mary, come here. Come here.

Look how clean this car is. You could practically live in it. Shh.

I wouldn't say that too loud.

Julian will charge you rent.

All right. Hurry up, home shammy boy.

We'll be here any minute.

Waxing as fast as I can.

Turtle wax.

No wonder it takes so long.

I'll get it.

Rub on, McBuff.

Hello, limo service.

You've reached the clean machine.

Uh -huh.

Yes, sir.

Absolutely.

Okay, thanks for calling.

Uh, Dillard. Not now. I'm waxing full.

That was Mr.

Morris calling to confirm his appointment.

For tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Like in, not in today, the day I gave him the date? Not tomorrow?

Not today, tomorrow?

Tomorrow, today?

I got the date wrong.

Isn't that funny? You know what's funny is what you're going to look like with

this up your nose.

Hey, Mom.

I'm going over to Rita's, okay?

Okay. Don't stay too late.

All right.

Rose told me she had a run -in with a weirdo on the stoop today. You want to

file a complaint?

Oh, no. He wasn't a weirdo. He was some homeless guy.

Wanted to carry my bags. I told him no and Pearl chased him off.

Hmm, sounds like he was just trying to pick up some spare change.

I guess.

Well, anyway, thanks.

Sure.

Oh, by the way, what time should I bring the captain by for dinner tonight?

Uh, 7 .30.

You know, Eric, I can remember when I was a beef cop, you know, just starting

out. I'd have to run them off all the time.

Run who off?

The homeless.

Oh. Oh, Mary, break your heart.

These poor people would camp out in public places, and then people would

complain, and then that's the hardest part about being a cop is having to

them off knowing they don't have any place to go.

That must have been horrible.

Too bad.

Yeah, we should just be thankful we're not in their shoes.

You can say that again.

Oh.

Oh, Mary, I'm sorry. You're tired, and here I am chattering like a little bird.

Chattering, yes.

Bird, maybe.

Little, uh -uh.

Little, uh -uh.

Anyway, if you have any more problem with the homeless, you just let me know,

okay?

Little, uh -uh.

It's too bad about the homeless.

Oh, let's see, where was I?

Oh, yeah.

It's cold out here. I better get inside.

Uh -oh.

Don't even think about it.

What's wrong with you, Julian? Get out of my way. Julian, I don't know who you

are, but if you wish to address me, my name is Mr.

Barlow. Now, scat. Go on. Get out of here. You're crazy. It's cold out here.

Perhaps you'd prefer a nice, warm jail cell, because I can arrange that in a

minute.

I have a policeman living in my building. Now get out of here.

Thought I lived here, too.

Shoot, I'm hungry.

What if I got any leftovers in here?

Wait a minute.

How can I have leftovers if I ain't got no food to have leftover from?

Well, if I wasn't so hungry, I'd try to figure out what I said.

Excuse me, mister. Could you spare some change?

What do I look like to you, lady?

A bank?

You better get yourself a job.

You better get yourself a job.

Oh, Ray.

Ray, could you give me some change?

No, but here's a million dollars.

Send that to Ed McMahon and tell him Ray sent you.

Oh, let me help you with that. Hey, get away from me. What are you doing?

I'm just trying to help you, sister.

Sister? I don't remember seeing you at the family reunion.

Maryweather, how can you treat your best friend like that?

How do you know who I am?

Maybe she was going through your garbage and found something with your name on

it. Your garbage?

Do I look like somebody who would go through your garbage?

So where's your garbage?

John!

Oh, no, you don't. Ow! You'll stay away from all my customers.

Now, just how do you know I'm not a customer?

Where do I begin?

For your information, I saw your help wanted sign, and I just wanted to help.

I see you wore your best outfit for the interview.

See, that's the problem.

See, I can't get any clean clothes without money. I can't get any money

a job, and I can't get any job without clean clothes.

You're right. You got a problem.

But the job's been filled.

By who? The invisible man?

No, Mr. Clean.

I know you helped me. I'm sorry, ma 'am, but my mother told me not to talk to

strangers.

Look, after 18 years, she decides to listen to her mother.

Huh? Honey, I'm not a stranger. I'm your mother.

I'm sorry, but I'd really love to help you.

Hey, you can.

Just give me some money till I get a job.

What's going on here, Brand?

Lester!

My wife may look bad in the morning, but not that bad.

Hey, sister.

My name is Al.

Where are you crashing tonight?

Crashing?

Um, I don't know. I hadn't thought about it.

Well, you better.

Because once the sun goes down, it gets real cold out here.

Well, what are you out to?

Shoot us. We holler together. You meet a lot of nice folks that way.

I haven't seen you around before.

Are you new?

Actually, I've been living around here most of my life.

Then you must know some warm, clean places.

Clean.

Yeah, maybe I do.

Well, here it is, Mr. Morris. The cleanest, freshest, spankiest limo in D

fact, this baby's so clean, you can see yourself.

Yes, I can.

How are the tires?

Hey, you can take them.

Take your shoes off first.

Well, now, let's see.

Little test here.

Absolutely spotless.

A pristine limousine.

An immaculate contraption.

Well, Travis, if the inside is anything like the outside, then we have a deal.

Hey, come right this way.

Ta -da!

Oh, hi there.

Oh, hi there, hell.

What are you doing in my limo?

The backstroke.

Back lady humor. Stop it. You're killing me. Get out of here.

You know, Travis, this is rather disturbing.

Look, Mr.

Morris, I'll take care of it.

Now, look, lady.

You better make like an egg and beat it.

If I could make like an egg, I'd eat it.

you all the jigs up.

Travis,

who are all these people? And whose is that chihuahua?

Is that a chihuahua?

Before he was homeless, he was a Saint Bernard.

Travis, I'm sorry.

I'm afraid the deal is off. I couldn't possibly ride in a limousine that's been

contaminated by these creatures.

No, wait. Mr.

Morse, we can clean the limo. We'll spray for fleas.

I'm sorry.

I was hungry.

I've never seen you around here before. You're new, aren't you?

Nobody will help me.

Why are people so mean?

It's not that they're mean. It's just that they're afraid that they're going

get stuck.

It's like feeding a stray cat.

You know, once you do, they keep coming back.

Well, I'm homeless, but I'm still a person.

There ought to be something we can do.

There is. We just have to keep working at it and helping each other until we

find a solution.

Why don't you get some rest?

Wait a minute.

You're the first person to show me any kindness.

How can I repay you?

What goes around comes around.

Just pass the kindness on to someone else.

See you.

I'll repay you. I'll find you.

I'm tired.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you. I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

I'll find you.

Mary? Mary, wake up. Hey, babe. Hey, babe, wake up. No, this is my bed.

Mary, you all right?

You call me Mary.

You recognize me.

Of course I do. I recognize that snore anywhere.

Mr. Jenkins, I don't snore.

And that for saying I look bad in the morning.

Mary, what are you talking about?

Oh, honey, I had this dream.

It was terrible.

I dreamed I was homeless.

I was on the street, and nobody cared about me. Nobody knew me.

I couldn't get any food, and I was cold, and worst of all, I had these shopping

bags, and I couldn't go shopping.

You should have that dream more often.

Save me a fortune.

Guess who was in it?

That man I ran off this morning.

Oh, I don't even know how I could treat him that way.

Well, ma 'am, you didn't know who he was?

You don't know what they go through. I mean, just stay alive.

We got to do something to help him.

Well, ma 'am, I'd like to help the homeless, but you said it yourself, the

problem is bigger than the few of us.

Well, we just have to cut it down to size.

Hi, Lester.

Hi, Rose.

Hi, Mary. Listen, we're going to have to call the dinner off because Warren and

his captain are stuck on a stakeout at Stan's Stateside Steakhouse.

Well, that's too bad because the steaks at Stan's Stateside Steakhouse stink.

Wait a minute.

The dinner is on.

Excuse me.

We're looking for Ted.

Oh, he's not here.

In my dream, he was here.

Then go back to sleep.

Maybe he'll show up.

We gotta find him. We have food for him.

Did you say food?

Mom,

what are we gonna do? Do you think we have enough?

I hope so.

All we can do is what Ted said. Pass it on.

I think in this case we should pass it out. I'm gonna start.

Come on over here, everybody.

Hey, what's going on here? What's happening?

Ted, there you are.

Oh, that broom lady isn't with you, is she?

No. Look, I'm sorry about what happened this morning. I just didn't know what

you were trying to do.

Oh, look.

Most people react the way you did.

They want to help. They don't know what to do. And frankly, they're scared to

find out.

Well, I found out.

I dreamed the nightmare you've been living.

Yeah, you know, it's a great thing you're doing here.

Unfortunately, you know...

Food is not the whole answer.

I know.

But then what is?

Well, people's attitudes have got to change.

I mean, we're not crazy.

We don't like being out here.

And believe me, most of us do want to work.

But, you know, a lot of us were just down on our luck.

In fact, most people in America are only three paychecks away from being

homeless. I say, what kind of work do you do?

Oh, man.

Any kind. I mean, we will even sweep the streets, wash cars, a few good startup

jobs and some understanding, and lots of us can get off the streets and start

paying taxes like the rest of you.

Okay, here's my card.

I'll call around and see what I can find out.

Oh, man, you're in the construction.

Maybe you can get some of your people to look at an idea we have for affordable

housing for the homeless.

What is it?

It's a geodesic dome. And with it, we can get lots of people off the streets

the wintertime.

Oh, those little structures look like igloos.

You get the information for me, and I'll see what I can come up with. All right,

man. Solid.

Thank you very much. We really appreciate it. We just want to get back

mainstream, you know?

But first, the mainstream got to know you're missing.

That's true.

That's true.

Well, I'm going to get a bite, okay? Okay, here. Give this to the folks. All

right. Thank you.

Well, I'm back with some clothes.

I... Julian!

Mary, Lester, what are you doing here?

Wait a minute.

Did I evict you?

I don't believe this. Julian, don't tell me you're bringing clothes for the

homeless. Oh, these are hopelessly out of fashion. I wouldn't be caught dead in

these things.

Mm -hmm.

That's why they have the price tags on them, huh?

Oh, excuse me.

Have you folks eaten yet? How about joining us for dinner?

Hey, great.

I hear the cook's pretty good.