Original subtitles

They had no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no

like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no...

There ain't no place like Beverly Hills

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

Okay,

Pearl, put it down.

Those belong to Sandra.

Oh. How did Sandra manage to find one rich man after another?

Persistence, dedication, and a low -cut dress.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. If I had a boyfriend showering me with this,

shoot, I'd be home waiting for him.

You at home waiting anyway, Rose.

But I just haven't figured out what for.

Shut up, Pearl.

You know, I sure would love to know who this guy is.

You know, I bet he's one of those real estate developers. Probably owns half of

downtown Washington.

You really think he's Japanese?

Oh, man.

Why don't you read the card?

Oh, Pearl, I can't do that. Well, I can.

To my honey lamb from your snuggle bear, till we meet again in the strawberry

patch. Boy, she's dating Peter Cottontail.

Mom, do you know who's going to be in town next week?

Let me guess.

Bugs Bunny.

Oh, Mom Prince, he's appearing in RFK Stadium. Can we go?

Well, I don't see why not. I do the money.

$150 a ticket.

That's outrageous.

$150.

Child, for $150, the seats better be in Princess' lap.

But Mrs. Jenkins missed the chance of a lifetime.

Could you please lend us the money? I mean, we'll pay you right back.

Wait a minute, Calvin.

See, this is your family tree over here.

Ask her.

I already know what she's going to say.

The boy's smarter than I thought.

Please, Mom, you don't know how much this means to us. I'm sorry, Brenda, but

that's too expensive.

the tax write -off.

Thank you, H &R Block.

Look, if you really want to go bad enough... Oh, we do. We do want to go

enough. Then earn the money.

How? Tell you guys what. I need a lot of chores done around the building. And if

you're willing, I'll pay you $5 an hour each.

What about a dental plan?

You don't need to teach to clean the stoop.

All right, well, I'm the foreman, you're my personal secretary, and you're

working day shift today.

How you doing, Ms. Clark? Hi, Ms. Clark. Oh, Ms. Clark, do you have any chores

you need us to do? We're trying to make some money.

Who is it?

My kitty!

So, Sandra, when do we get to meet Snuggle there?

I mean, your latest conquest.

Oh, Rose, we are co - Wesley on the go. The opera, Kennedy Center, yacht races,

presidential dinners. If you're ever invited to any of those places, I'll

introduce you.

That man sure thinks a lot of you.

Oh, he does well. He worships the ground I shuffle.

Does he know how many malls that covers?

Well, he doesn't care. He owns them all.

So, Sandra, let's open some of your presents.

Oh, come on now, Rose.

Gifts between consenting adults should be kept personal and private. It's like

sacred trust.

How about the big one? Okay.

Do you think we should help her?

Okay.

Alexandria, you missed the spot.

Why do I feel like Cinderella?

Wow, look at that.

That's what I call a limo.

Really does my heart good to see a young person so hard at work.

Reminds me of myself when I was your age.

I'm trying to earn money to go to the Prince concert.

Oh, well, yeah.

Keep up the good work.

Ten dollars.

Thanks, mister.

That sure is a slamming ride you got there.

You're giving a great price on wax dolls today.

Well, maybe tomorrow, kid. Right now.

I got to pay my sweetheart a quick visit. Oh, you know my grandmother?

Sandra Clark is your grandmother?

Sandra Clark is your sweetheart?

Oh, yeah, but to me, she's my honey lamb.

She's up in our apartment, apartment E. Oh, well, thanks.

I'll be looking for that wax job tomorrow, huh?

Yeah.

Oh,

it must be Sandra.

Here to pick up the rest of her catch of the day.

Well, howdy.

Some nice young kids downstairs told me I could find Sandra Clark here.

Another delivery?

I should go back up to her apartment. She'll be down in a few minutes. I'm

Jenkins. I'll take it. Oh, no, no, no. I deliver it in person.

Would you mind if I wait here?

Oh, no. Come on in. Thank you. Thank you.

Isn't delivering kind of a strenuous job for a man your age?

used to say, go with the flow.

Flow was my mama.

Well, can I get you something to drink?

Well, champagne would be nice.

How about a ginger ale?

Yeah, no comparison.

You see my other blue shirt?

Who's he?

Oh, she's delivering another package from Sandra's new boyfriend.

Oh, boy, has she got that guy dancing on a string.

Yeah, some men are just patsies.

You don't know who this jerk is, do you?

Oh, my honey lamb.

Oh, brother, I'll get your shirt.

Oh, Anthony, what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just being a patsy.

I'm Lester Jenkins.

Oh, yes, I met your wife. And these are our neighbors, Rose Holloway and Pearl

Shea. Oh, yes, and I'm Abdonel. And I'm your speed.

I like her.

More than little me.

Oh, don't you just make your heart want to melt when she pouts like that? Uh

-huh. Just makes you want to hug her and give her diamonds.

This is for you, honey, now.

Amber, you are spoiling me.

That's a dust buster.

Charlie Gold.

Yeah, she's a male.

How can you sleep in the same building with her?

I think I hear Mary calling me.

So, where are you going tonight?

Well, we're going to take a drive around the park, and then we'll have dinner at

the Wedgewood Inn.

Then I'll take her back to my penthouse overlooking the Potomac and ask her to

marry me.

Well?

Well, I know I should get down on one knee to propose, but I'm saving my

for the honeymoon.

Amber, this is so sudden.

I don't know what to say.

I'll say yes.

Well, now, tell me, don't you want to share my gold cards with me or not, huh?

Mary, Mary, what do you think I should do? Should I marry him or not?

My name is Bennett, and I ain't in it.

Well, Amber, my answer is, um, well, give me three days to think about it.

You better make it one. You ain't getting any younger.

You relax.

I am relaxed. I'm perfectly relaxed.

What makes you think I'm not relaxed?

You're not talking about yourself.

We're in the money. That's Abner. He's honking our song.

Oh, yeah.

What are you going to tell him?

Yeah. I know.

Definitely one or the other.

Mrs. Abner Moneybags Neff.

Think about it. Oh, I'm so confused.

Can I be really happy married to this man?

Sure, I'll be living in a big house.

Dripping in jewels.

and your hand and foot, you're all invited to the wedding.

Hey, everybody.

What happened to Abbie? I passed him on the way up. He was all loaded down with

presents. For me?

Hey, he's a proud man. I tried to help him. He called me a whippersnapper and

kicked me in the shins.

That man sure got spoke.

Yeah, and pointed -toed shoes.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

Hey, oh, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. First thing, please.

Will you marry me?

Would you two like to be alone?

Oh, that's a good idea. Let's go in the bedroom.

Excuse me.

Try the kitchen.

What's it going to be, honey lamb?

You know, Abner, there comes a time in a woman's life when she's ready to settle

down.

But first, I got to tell you something.

I've been out with a few other men.

I'll accept that.

But of all those men, you are the nicest and the sweetest.

Don't forget the riches.

I'll accept that.

You know... You mean the world to me, Sandra.

So why don't we just get married and have a couple of little Abner's?

Well, Abner, I'm happy to tell you that my answer is... Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

No.

Abner, I just can't do it. I mean, I like you a lot, but the truth is if I

married you, it would just be for your money.

Then it's yes.

Abner, I'm really sorry, but I just can't be your wife.

Now, I hope that doesn't upset you too much.

Well, naturally, I'm disappointed.

But when you reach my age, you learn to take things in stride. I mean, it's not

like it's going to kill me, huh?

Please tell me you're doing the Pledge of Allegiance.

Oh, Mary, that's the face for coming down with me.

I hope Abner's going to be okay. I feel like this is all my fault. Sandra, he's

an old man. You can't blame yourself for what happened.

Well, maybe if I hadn't said no. Maybe if I had married him. Child, if you had

married him, you never would have made it to the hospital.

Uh, excuse us, nurse. Do you have an Abner Neff in here?

Oh, let me check.

Well, I guess he's still here. I don't see him in the obituary.

How he doing?

Well, let me put it to you this way.

I wouldn't buy him war and peace.

Well, I guess not. With you, he's already got war and very little peace.

Well, go ahead.

Get the book.

But I'll be the only one who reads it.

What does RN stand for, rude nurse?

Who's your supervisor?

I am.

And who's above you?

If you mean the chief administrator, I can take him with one hand.

I want you to get your training in the Marines.

You got it, buddy.

Well, I was a sergeant in the Marines.

Well, say hello to Captain Grubb.

Well, Mary, looks like I'm outranked.

Look, good luck. I got to go. See you later.

Dr. Miller, Dr. Miller, please call radiology. You know, Mary, I've been

thinking it over.

It doesn't look like Abner has much time left, so there's only one honorable

thing for me to do.

I'm going to marry him.

What a kind, loving thought.

What did you do with the real Sandra?

I'm not going to really marry him. I'm just going to tell him I'm going to

him. You know, put a smile on his face before he goes, you know, to the great

big shop and sit in the sky.

It's good to see the old Sandra back.

Come on in. Not so fast, ladies.

No one goes in there without my permission, and I ain't giving it.

But I got to speak to him.

Yeah, she's got to tell him she's going to marry him.

You're in the wrong place. The sixth floor is the psychiatric ward.

What is this? A hospital or a prison? The man is getting ready for his final

countdown. All we want to do is give him a little loving care.

I mean, to make him a little more comfortable before he goes on that long

chariot ride.

Swing low.

We chariot.

Coming for the chariot.

and they'll have to fix you for a body cast.

Yes, sir.

Good. Now, remember, you're Nurse Swan, and I'm Dr. Butler.

Okay. If you need any advice, just ask me. I've been playing doctor since I was

three years old.

So you're the one that started malpractice.

Good. Grouchy Grub is gone. Come on.

Oh, doctor?

Yes, nurse?

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were Dr.

Lee.

You're out of the operating room. Why the mask?

We're going to rob a bank.

Don't mind her. She got too close to the ether.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I got some patients to check on. I think I'll start

with 1401.

Nurse?

Nurse Grubb? Yes, doctor.

Nurse, would you lift your head, please?

My head?

Just do it, nurse. Just do it.

Just as I thought.

You see what I say?

Yeah, that's the worst case I've ever seen.

Don't worry.

There's going to be a telethon on it next week.

Pardon me. Pardon me. Get this nurse down to ISO immediately.

What? What?

What? I mean, since my insurance covers this.

And hose her down with foam.

Nurse. Nurse.

Come with me. Yeah, you. I could use you.

Oh, well, I'm busy right now, but if you call me after six, I can... Is there

something wrong?

No, no, no.

Dr. Butler, are you new to this facility?

Yes, I just got in from Vienna.

You don't know me? I'm the world -famous surgeon.

Oh, Dr.

Butler, of course. Forgive me for not recognizing you. I mean, it's just such

great honor to meet someone so outstanding in this field. I mean, her

Yes, yes.

I'm bad.

I'm bad. You know it.

And I'm her assistant, Nurse Swire.

Uh, doctor, I could use your opinion. Would you like to look at these for me?

Mm -hmm.

Well, what do you think?

I think we should wait till they're developed.

Seriously, doctor, I mean, that's the worst -looking liver I ever saw.

Have you tried eating in the cafeteria?

My, it's certainly refreshing to see a doctor of your stature with such a

carefree and humorous approach.

Did you hear her joke about the chiropractor and the camel?

Nurse, Nurse Juan, you can go on with the operation. I'll join you later.

You let a nurse operate?

Equal opportunity.

They've come a long way, baby.

Well, since you have so much free time, Mommy, it would mean a great deal to me

personally if you would observe me operate.

Oh, no, no, no. You won't have to do anything. You just stand there and hold

intestines.

Who is it?

Somebody here who loves you.

Who's always loved you.

Someone who's faithful and loyal to you.

My dog, Spot.

Where did you learn how to talk?

Oh, it's Sandra.

I don't have a dog named Sandra.

Adam, try and understand this.

I said I wasn't going to marry you, but I made a foolish mistake.

You're a kind, wonderful man, and the girl would be crazy to let you go.

I just want you to know I'll marry you anytime.

You'll marry me?

Yes, Admiral.

I'll marry you.

Oh, you've made me so happy.

How could you even pretend to be a doctor? You faint just putting a Band

a cut.

So I didn't have to do all that.

I assisted in three appendectomies, two broken arms, and a tummy tuck.

And a tummy deck.

Hi, guys. Can I use the phone?

Dylan, when are you going to get your own phone?

Yeah, I'm tired of you walking down the hallway of this apartment every night.

Well, maybe we should get a longer extension cord.

Don't you feel strange making personal calls in front of other people?

Well, you know, I do hate to make you and Lester wait in the kitchen, but, you

know, if you don't mind.

All right, that's it. Out and no more phone calls.

Well, how am I supposed to contact people?

Raise pigeons.

Ooh, you know, I'm sensing some bad vibes here. I'm starting to feel just a

little bit unwanted.

Oh, nuts.

Dylan, you're too sensitive.

When your feelings get hurt too easy, get the door lifted.

You know, you're too insecure.

You lack self -confidence.

You've got to learn to trust people more.

Finally.

Now what?

Oh, Mary, I just got a call from the hospital. They want me to come down

right away, but I just can't. I mean, I never see nobody, you know.

Have a personal conversation with Elvis.

Sandra, you have got to go.

I mean, now that the man is in his final hours, he's depending on you more than

ever. Yeah, that's right, Sandra. Sure. Come on. We'll go with you.

Okay.

We're too late.

Oh, Sandra, Lester, Mary.

I'm glad you're all here.

Fit as a fiddle and ready for love.

Yeah, but I was memory.

How did you recover from your heart attack?

Rolaids. Give a gas.

What's that for? To read your meter?

It's here for our wedding.

Wedding? Well, wait a minute. This is so sudden. What about something old,

something new, something borrowed, something else?

Who needs all that? We got the bride, we got the groom, and a whippersnapper

here, he'll be my best man.

He calls me whippersnapper again. This will be his permanent address.

Abby, don't you think you're rushing this wedding? I mean, you might have a

air bubbles in your stomach.

Yeah, I think Mary is right. And I hardly ever think Mary is right. And the

truth is, she hardly ever is right. But when a person hardly ever is right and

they're right, you got to listen to them.

Well, now, let's get started. I want you all here to meet Reverend Cole.

Have collar, will travel.

Here's my card if you ever need me.

Oh, thanks, baby. But I'm married for life.

You got that right.

Finish reading the card. I also do carpet cleaning.

Abner, I think you're making a big mistake.

A mistake?

No, sir.

Now, let me tell you about last night. No, let me tell you first what I was

thinking. No, let me tell you first because I'm paying for the room.

Last night, I had one foot inside the pearly gates.

when an angel in a nurse's uniform appeared before me and asked me to marry

Abner, it was just a meaningless gesture.

Believe me, it was a vision that gave me something to live for, a feeling built

up inside of me.

It was gas, Abner, gas.

And I knew I had to marry that woman and make her my wife, and that's why I am

married, Nurse Girl.

Oh, Abner, I don't want you to have no relapse or nothing, but nurse good.

It was a whirlwind courtship.

But wait a minute, now, Abner, the nurse you really thought was... Is one lucky

woman. Congratulations.

Isn't that right, Sandra?

Oh, yeah.

Abner, you know, I miss you, but I'm really happy for you. Could we get

folks? It's my bingo night.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here.

Hi, Brent. How are you kids coming with your ticket money?

Funny you could ask.

Can you lend us $300?

Funny, I thought I heard my beeper go off.

Oh, kids, this letter came for you today. Special delivery.

What is it?

I don't have x -ray eyes. Open it up, Jack.

ears are going to be ringing for weeks.

Except for Mr. Neff. He says, have a good time and just remember you owe me a

wax job. He's got it.

And a lube job. And a tire rotation.

And an engine overhaul.

And an oil change.

A new muffler. Polish the phone.

Wash the floor mat. Straighten up the glove box.