Original subtitles

That's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

Know that you're loved. You don't need to roam. Cause that's no place like

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Boom together, we'll make it right.

No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there ain't no place like. There ain't no place like. There

ain't no place like. There's no place like home.

I mean no place child.

Saturday, and nothing to do, and I am going to keep it that way.

I'm just going to sit down over here. Honey, don't sit there!

You're about to give me a heart attack.

Yeah, you almost flattened my whole family.

Well... Don't say that.

Say, why you got all our old pictures out?

I'm doing what one is supposed to do, keep the family album up to date.

Well, this picture was taken on Brenda's first birthday.

So, I'm a little behind.

I thought we had a lot more pictures than this. Well, we did, but I kind of

sorted through them and threw away the ones that didn't have anything to do

relatives, you know.

Oh, here's one I like.

Mmm, you look so distinguished.

Yeah, that was the time I got the awards from the Owl Lodge.

You got all bent out of shape because they wouldn't let women come to the

ceremony. Well, that sure didn't stop me.

Well, gentlemen, enjoy yourselves.

With all these gentlemen here, I know I'm enjoying myself.

Come on now, Mary, relax. Everything's cool. They think we guys.

Excuse me.

I have a couple of seats at my table if you fellows want to join me.

Oh, yeah.

It was fun.

But the worst was yet to come.

If I've accomplished anything in life, it's due to one individual, my loving

wife. And I must tell you, we got in a big argument today because she wasn't

allowed to be here.

She's always stood by me and comforted me, and I should always stand by her.

And when I get home tonight, the first thing I'm going to say to her is, baby,

this is for you, too.

the look on your face when I kissed you.

Well, you had me worried about the whole lodge. I was ready to fight for my

life.

Oh, let's go through these and pick out the good ones.

Oh, there's a good one of Brenda and Calvin.

Oh, yeah, that was at the school dance she snuck out to.

Remember the first dance we went to?

Oh, that was a wonderful evening.

Uh -huh. But it was a little tough dancing with your mother and father

us.

Well, they were worried about me, just like we were about Brenda.

I know how thoughtful and understanding you two are as parents.

Uh -oh.

This is the big one.

Lay it on us.

Can I go to the dance with Paula and Diane and Calvin and Kathy?

Back up. How far?

To Calvin.

Well, I sort of ran into him at the library, and he sort of asked me to go

the dance.

And you agreed to go out with him?

Well, sort of.

But you are going as a group.

And coming home as a group.

Well, sort of.

Forget it.

Well, Calvin, you're at an age where you should be experiencing some new

feelings. Like what?

Oh, headaches, your mind wanders, you break out in a sweat. Oh, yeah.

Now, listen, that's normal stuff.

What you have to remember is what you're thinking not only involves your life,

but other people's, too. There are a lot of very nice young ladies out there

that are going to trust you.

I hope so.

Calvin, this is serious.

Hey, we're not too young to get serious. I just want to taste life.

Calvin, before you overheat.

It's not only important that you worry about the young lady's welfare, you have

to start worrying about your own. What's that mean?

I'll tell you what it means. I'm only going to tell you just once.

It means if you start fooling around with my daughter, I'm going to rip your

head off.

I got his attention, didn't I?

Think back.

You got Pearl's attention, too.

the day you took me to the baseball game.

The football game.

Baseball, football, they all sell peanuts.

And three on the Dallas 45.

Did I miss anything?

Middle of the fourth quarter. Cowboys just tied it up. Oh, great.

Go, Cowboys!

We're not the Cowboys, are we?

Hey, here comes the wave.

What's the wave?

Just do what I do.

These pictures really bring back fond memories.

Oh, well, let's get busy.

I pass. All these fond memories are giving me a pain.

I'm going to get some coffee.

Oh, I'll get it.

Is Mrs. Jenkins here?

I sure hope so. I've been talking to somebody.

Well, would you be so kind as to ask Mrs. Jenkins why she threw away all

these... Perfectly good pictures of us. And I bet you put fish heads on top of

all of them, too.

Oh, Pearl. Don't you say another word until you explain why you threw these

pictures away.

I need some coffee.

I did not throw all your pictures away.

Only the extra ones.

I still got plenty of good pictures of you. Look.

Oh, look, Pearl. It's a nice picture of you.

Oh, look, this is the day they read Mr. Calloway's will.

Look at that dress. Look at me!

That was a big day for you, Rose.

Mm -hmm, sure was.

Got rid of the dress and the look.

I, therefore, with a clear conscience, leave 227, lock, stock, and barrel to

the woman who makes the best apple pie I've ever tasted.

Apple pie.

We never used apple pie.

Mrs.

Rose Lee Holloway.

Oh, that's you.

You're rich.

What? What did you say?

It says Mrs.

Rose Lee Holloway. What about me? Didn't I get anything?

Are you Sandra Clark?

Yes. Well, now there is something.

He left you this portrait of himself, and I think it's just luck.

Poor Sandra. I felt so bad I couldn't sleep all night. I couldn't stop

Oh, look, this is a nice picture of Brenda.

Oh, yeah, that was when she was working at Billy Bob's Burger Bar. She just got

her first picture.

Yes, you got that million -ass looking eyes.

Listen, anything you want is on me. I just got my first paycheck.

Oh, well, I'll just have a cup of coffee. All right. I don't want to spoil

dinner. Okay. I'll have a cup of tea.

All right.

I'll have a double cheeseburger.

We know that, Pearl.

Oh, look at these.

Okay, now don't mess things up. I got all the relatives separated by family.

Is this a relative of yours?

Well, child, if he is, he's the white sheep of the family.

See, we heard it, Pearl.

That was taken the night we were trapped by that robbery in that toy store.

You and your big mouth.

I've always fantasized about things like this.

But I was always tired of cooling the game.

Well, you two grew up. We got a serious situation here.

Hey, listen.

I don't hear anything.

Me neither. I think that robber's gone.

You know, I think you're right.

He is right.

Now we can, we can... We can rot in here. That's what we can do.

Come on, Blake.

Buck up, Miss Jenkins.

Remember, a smile was just a frown turned upside down.

He's doing fortune cookies. I'm standing here looking like Kunta Kinte.

Come on, everyone.

The right attitude is important.

Let's cheer each other up.

Respected at the Regency Room in 20 minutes. And if we're not there, the

world is going to be looking for us. We're very important people. Oh, yeah?

Who are you?

I'm Gladys Knight, and these are my pips.

Anyway,

no, no, they ain't going to send out no rescue party for this, I'll tell you

that.

that you're going to get yourself killed.

Okay, nerd.

Just keep it up, you know. Just keep it up. Now my secret weapon.

Want to know something?

This is probably one of the most interesting heists that I've...

Pee -wee was the hero that night.

Well, you won't be the hero if Sondra finds her pictures in the trash.

Don't worry, child. With those dresses she wears, she won't be able to bend

to look in the trash.

Millie!

Millie! Millie Chickens, you in there?

Uh -uh. Something must have ripped.

Millie, open the door.

I know you in there. I can hear you breathing.

What are pictures of me doing in the trash?

Oh, those are extras.

We got plenty of wonderful pictures of you over there.

I don't see any.

There's got to be one there somewhere, Rose.

Hey, Sandra.

Hi, Lester.

Ooh!

This picture of me in a bikini is a collector's item.

That's why I put it in the trash, so it would be collected.

I have you know that the men in this town would die for these pictures of me.

Isn't that right, Lester?

Oh, shoot, I forgot the cream.

I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I know why he went back in

the kitchen.

Oh, Mary, you're not going to keep this, are you? I certainly am.

Sondra, I don't know how I let you talk me into looking like that just to land a

man. I can tell you in one word.

Despot.

I think you are a very exciting woman.

Thank you. I... No more than exciting.

Kenneth. Irresistible is more like it. Kenneth. Those eyes.

That hair.

That face.

Please. Yes, please.

Stop.

Stop. I'm living a lie.

My name isn't Raquel and this isn't my real voice.

My name is Rose.

And I'm not 28 years old. I'm 35 going on 36.

And this isn't my real hair.

This isn't my real beauty mark, and these are not my real fingernails.

Oh, I must have been out of my mind. I've never been to Paris.

And for years, I thought Club Med was for doctors only.

You've taught me a lesson.

I deceived you, and I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry, too. I wasn't completely honest

with you.

I'm not 40. I'm 45.

And I'm not a financial advisor. I'm just an ordinary accountant.

And it wasn't Club Med. It was Atlantic City.

And you want to know something else? I don't need this.

that ever happened.

Well, that must have been your hormones last guess.

Now, how could anybody throw away my wedding picture?

It wasn't hard.

I'll never forget that day.

Today is not just a wedding.

It is a birth.

Two spirits become one.

It is no longer what I want.

It is what we want.

You have given up your separate lives to share the journey through good times

and struggling times.

Now, before we join this couple in holy matrimony, is there anyone here

who objects?

Speak now or forever hold your peace.

Oh, that reminds me, Sandra.

I want back the toast I gave you.

Oh, is that what that was?

Lord, will you look at this picture of Calvin.

That's when he thought he was in love with Sandra.

Yeah, I remember that.

I hope you understand what I'm going to say.

I like you very much. And I like you, too.

Well, I haven't finished.

Like I said, I like you very much.

And I like you.

Calvin, now I think you got the wrong idea from my little talk.

No, no, I got the right idea.

You told me to have confidence in myself.

I looked in the mirror and I saw what you saw.

A different Calvin.

A desirable Calvin.

Very young Calvin.

But age isn't important.

You know what I read?

Every young man needs an older woman in his life.

Calvin, just cool it a minute, okay? And listen to me.

Now, this may hurt you, but you're going to have to hear the truth.

I'm married to a soccer player in Bolivia.

I don't believe that.

I can't accept this.

You know I'm not in love with you.

You mean it's just physical?

Heck no. Hey, that's okay with me. I'll always be grateful.

Calvin, you're still a boy.

Hopefully I won't be after tonight.

Oh, man.

Anything turns them on.

Nothing turns them on.

I sure had to have a cool head.

I'll tell you one time you didn't have a cool head.

The night Kathy Rogers' baby was born.

You should have seen her.

Just try to remember what we learned in class, and when you feel the

contractions coming, just take a breath.

And then focus on the soothing object.

Like what?

Like how calm I am.

Here's some water. Oh, thank you.

Jim, what do you want us to do?

Get some sheets and blankets.

I'll get them.

Oh, get the blue ones, honey, just in case it's a boy.

Sandra,

I wouldn't ask me to do too much if I was you.

Why? Well, Mary, what if I have to help deliver the baby?

Sandra, I think we'd all have to die before she lets you do that. Thank you.

Where is that ambulance?

I don't want my baby born in an ambulance. Hey, now, I was born in a

turned out okay.

Now, look, take some quick breaths.

That's right, Kathy, quick breaths.

What's she doing now?

She's breathing faster.

Please, Kathy, breathe.

Come on, you can do it, Kathy, breathe.

You keep me alive just thinking of what you're going to do next.

Billy D. Williams.

Talk about not having no clue.

You should have seen Mary trying to be the prime minister some hour or

something.

Excuse me.

Madam prime minister, I'm Billy D. Williams.

I've visited your lovely island in the Caribbean many times, and I've been

looking forward to the pleasure of meeting you.

How long will you be in our country?

Day -o.

Day -o?

Day -a -a -o.

I beg your pardon?

Daylight she come, me want to go home.

D had his picture taken with me, not you. But he left with me, not you.

Isn't that right, then?

Damn, I forgot the sugar.

When the going gets tough, the tough gets sugar.

Oh, Mary, you remember this?

I sure do, and throw it away.

That was that guy Lester did business with. First time I met him, he had the

nerve to think I was a maid.

Can you beat that?

Me, a maid?

Miss! Hey, miss!

Hey, lady!

You talking to me?

Well, I sure wasn't talking to the vacuum cleaner.

Look, I'm Thurman Fox. I'm subleasing the apartment next door. How about

sneaking away from this job and cleaning my place?

What? I'll give you $3 an hour.

And if you move your tail, you can be back here before they miss you.

I think you better move your tail before you get sucked up in this vacuum

cleaner.

Okay, Spunky.

Since you speak English, I'll give you $3 .50 an hour.

But keep your paws out of my refrigerator.

Look, why don't you go find Snow White and your six other little friends?

Well, ladies, I gotta get finished. So if you have any pictures that you

absolutely love, then just leave them with me.

And I'll be watching the trash.

I'll be watching the trash down the street.

And we don't want to see no smoke coming from this apartment.

You can come out now.

We got to get more men in this building.

And why are women so vain?

Why are you keeping this picture? You look like I'm sick.

You were sick.

And you made me sick.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about that little bell Sandra gave you to call me with.

I'll never forgive her for that.

You rang?

Could I have some crackers, too, please?

Yes.

Yes? And some more water?

Yes.

What?

finish. You shouldn't have pounded that bell.

No, look at it this way. It was either that bell or your head.

How about dinner and a movie?

Oh, honey, I want to finish the album.

What about dinner?

A movie and fooling around. The album can wait.

What movie are we going to see?

Let's fool around first.

Oh, no. We're going to the movie first.

You don't trust me?

My mama didn't raise no fool.

Neither did mine.

Can you get a picture?