Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old game away.

No, no. Pulled together, we'll make it right.

With him, room, our friends, and we can fly. But there's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Because there ain't no

place like that. There ain't no place like that.

no place down.

Hey, Rose. Hi, Mary. Pearl.

Hi, Rose.

You know, I'm thinking about signing up for the sculpturing class.

Lord. Music class, journalism class, and now sculpturing class.

You sure are going to a lot of classes lately.

Well, I go to improve my mind. You go there to get a man.

It's Sandra.

Uh -oh.

She must have heard the word man.

It's for you. You're going to a dance, you're going to be the man, you're going

to get married, and it's only going to cost you $12 .50.

Well, what do you get for a dollar?

I think this must have something to do with that new job she got.

What new job?

I was just hired as the new social director for parents without mates.

But Sandra, you're not a parent or a mate. How did you get the job?

Well, it's for a good cause.

You know, I like helping people.

And I'm two months behind on my rent.

Well, we're going to dance tomorrow night, and I saved you an extra ticket.

Rose, you'll meet a lot of eligible men.

Oh, that sounds good, Rose. Be good for you to get up.

Hey, I have you know I've been out three nights this week.

A shopping doesn't count.

Come on, Rose. You might meet somebody nice.

Refreshments, dancing, and all the music is going to be from the 60s. Remember

all those dances?

Those are for my time, child.

Well, I got the music right here. Let's have a little... a refresher course on

the dance. Okay, okay. Well, the last dance I had was a minuet.

You ever try to dance with a man who's got a wig on?

body seems to be reacting.

Hey,

y 'all remember the twins?

Hey,

everybody.

Oh, hi, honey.

Hi, Lester.

Hey, Pearl.

Mary, guess who I ran into in the drugstore?

Who? Jeannie Smith.

From high school? Yeah.

She's on her way.

knew you'd be glad to see her i'm gonna try to find that old graduation picture

okay is she a good friend of yours homecoming queen of high school used to

one of lester's old girlfriend and you letting her in i'd nail up the door

that was a long time ago pro she's old enough

Jeannie Smith, meet my friend, Prochet. Hi. Hi. I join you, but I don't have my

pom -pom.

Jeannie Smith.

Hey, Lester.

Who's going to run into you today?

You look terrific. I mean, really terrific.

Doesn't she look terrific, babe?

Yeah, terrific.

So do you. You've lost a lot of weight since high school.

Yeah. I see your face is cleared up.

And this is our lovely daughter, Brenda.

Oh, isn't she beautiful? And no wonder she looks just like you, Lester.

I saw this on a soap opera.

In the end, you kill her.

Can I get you something cold to drink? A diet soda? Sure.

Did your mother ever tell you that when we were in high school, I used to date

your father, and she used to date someone else, I guess.

And then I married your father, and Jeannie married someone else. I guess.

Yes, yes. Actually, I married a very nice man. He works for the government,

we have a wonderful little boy. Oh, that's great.

But if things had been different, Mary might be visiting, and I might have

up your mother. Do you believe in a lot of homework?

I do.

I know, and that's why you're my mom. And I'm glad.

Nice meeting you.

Oh, what's it on, Jeannie? Oh, thanks.

Well, what brings you to our neighborhood?

Oh, I was inquiring about an apartment across the street. Oh. Jeannie, Jeannie,

Jeannie. Here you go. Thanks.

Funny.

Guess what?

Jeannie's thinking about moving in the neighborhood.

Oh, just looking for now. You know, Mary, this is such a coincidence. Just

week, I found this old picture of Lester and me. We were in a canoe on the lake.

Remember that? Remember? How could I forget? I lost a paddle. And I almost

out. Lucky I grabbed you.

You had to be there, babe.

Oh, I'm sure there'll be another time when you're up the creek without a

Well, I'd really like to stay, but I guess I better be going. Oh, must you?

Well, I'm afraid so. I don't want to be late for my aerobics class.

Well, don't you be a stranger.

Tell Brenda I said goodbye.

Goodbye, Pearl. Goodbye, honey. Goodbye, Mary. Stay in shape.

So long, Les Les.

Bye, babe.

Well, I guess I better be going.

So you two can talk over old times.

So, uh, how was your day, babe?

Less, less.

Stay in shape, Mary.

I'm in shape.

Fighting shape.

Do I detect a bit of jealousy? Now, Mary, you're not going to make a big

out of this. It depends on what you two did. There was so much fun.

Mary, that was 25 years ago. Anyway, you heard what she said. She's married and

she's got a kid.

Now, you're going to let this interfere with our dinner date.

What date? When? Tomorrow night.

It was going to be a surprise.

Oh, honey.

Where are we going? Well, I heard about this great new restaurant, Le Chateau.

Oh, were you here about that? Well, Jeannie was telling me it's the fastest

thing.

Yeah, Rose showed me that dress she was wearing to the dance tonight, too. I

told her to take that thing off.

It was too tight, low -cut, and gaudy.

Yeah.

It was one of my best dresses.

When you're going fishing, you better have good bait.

Yeah, I've seen some of the mackerel you've caught.

At least I get a lot of bites.

Yeah, one of them must have been a vampire.

I want to ask you about Rose. You think she could bring somebody to the dance,

you know, another parent without a mate?

Well, if she had a date, she wouldn't be going.

Well, I'm afraid she's going to have to. You see, I didn't know that they had

this rule.

What rule?

Well, at the last dance, there were 65 women and three men.

Ooh!

Doesn't that sound awful?

Anyway, they decided to order to even things up that everybody had to bring

somebody. Now, when they get there, they can mingle and meet with whoever they

want. Well, the day of the dance is a fine time to tell her. Yeah, I know.

I tried calling my boyfriend, but half of them were busy and the other half

tired.

Don't you unless you know anybody?

At this late date?

Rose is going to be so disappointed.

Hello, lovely ladies.

You all look beautiful today.

Must be getting close to Christmas.

Not even you can bother me today, Mary.

Next week, my son graduates from elementary school.

Your son?

Yeah, soon we'll have a B .A. degree in the family.

Yeah, because you already got to the S degree, huh?

I didn't know you had a son.

Yeah, he's quite a little dude.

He lives with his mother.

You're divorced?

You're a parent without a mate?

Ray,

how about coming up with some coffee and banana cream pie?

The third piece of pie is even better than the second.

Ray, there's a dance tonight I'd like you to go to.

Sandra, I never thought you would ask.

The uniform finally got to you, huh?

Ray, Ray.

She's not the one who wants you to go.

Mary, Lester would kill me.

Why don't I do it and save him the trouble?

Look at that, Ray.

It's not me.

Or Mary.

Then who is it?

I bet this is her now.

I ain't going.

Finish your pie, Ray. Sit down.

Hi, everybody. What's happening?

Rose, I just found out about the dance tonight.

Everyone has to come with someone.

But, Sandra, I wasn't planning on going with a date.

Well, it's not a date. It's just, you know, to keep an even amount of men and

women.

Shoot, I really want to go, but who am I going to get to go now?

Guess what? We found somebody.

Who? Rose, this is your lucky day.

Ta -da!

It's Ray!

He's a parent without a partner.

And he gonna stay that way.

Oh, Rose.

He's a nice guy. He brings me my check every week.

Look, just ignore the freckles and the bad jokes.

Yeah, look how nice he's eating that pie.

Y 'all want me to go to the dentist? with Ray?

It's so nice being wanted.

You've been doing him a big favor. I know.

Rose, once we get there, we can go our own separate ways.

She'll accept your offer. He'll pick you up and say, now wear your blue dress.

Now I loan you a dress.

Oh, thank you, dear Abby and Dr.

Ruth.

This had better work, y 'all.

Well, Les Chateaux, here I come. How do I look?

Fine.

Fine.

Jeannie looked terrific.

Really terrific.

Come on, Mary, let's not ruin the evening.

Hey, you two.

Why, don't you look nice?

Oh, so do you. But I thought you'd be gone by now.

Oh, Ray's late.

Don't worry, here he comes now. Sorry I'm late.

Hey, watch out for those kids.

Sorry about this, Rose.

Oh, that's okay. I just want to make sure you're all right.

I'll break his other leg.

You know what took me three hours to get ready? That fool probably did it on

purpose. Rose, all you really need is somebody to escort you into the dance.

Escort her? She needs a guy that's all dressed up. So where am I going to find

guy that's all dressed up?

I want to make an announcement.

First of all, this week, we don't want to catch anyone in the cloakroom.

Wow, looks like they got a nice crowd.

I'll check your jacket, and I got to get back home to Mary. Okay.

Hey, Mama.

I'm Russell, your opportunity of a lifetime.

Well, let's go to my place, huh?

I got a new hot tub.

Well, I'll go if you promise to drive.

Vicious. Vicious. I love it.

Hey, mama.

Hey, Rose. Your jacket's all checked. Lester, I will get my coat. I want to

leave right now.

You just got here.

You know, you never meet any decent people at these kind of dances. I don't

know why I even agreed to come get my coat. I don't want to stay here another

minute. All right, all right. I'll get your jacket. Oh.

Excuse me. I don't mean to bother you, but you're so lovely, I just had to say

something to you. Oh, yeah?

No, I'm serious. From the moment you came in, I couldn't help but notice you.

Oh. Well, thank you.

You have a wonderful set.

What? Oh, teeth.

I didn't mean to say it that way. Wait, wait. Let me start again.

I'm a dentist. My name is Philip Evans, and I specialize in putting my foot in

my mouth.

Oh, that's okay. Meeting people at dances is always awkward. My name is

Holloway. Rose, that's a lovely name.

Well, yours isn't so bad either.

Here's your jacket, Rose.

Oh, Lester, I'm not cold anymore.

This is Lester, my neighbor.

Lester, meet Philip Evans.

Dr. Philip Evans.

I'll put the jacket away.

Would you like some refreshments?

Sugar -free.

I'm not going to get out.

Boys, boys, are the women here? I know it's tough, but try to notice them,

you?

Oh, Lester, what are you doing here?

Well, Ray hurt his foot and married at home with him, and I brought Rose down

here to get her settled.

I hope she likes it.

So do I. I'm getting tired of carrying her jacket around.

Excuse me, Sandra, but I want to meet this tall, dark, and handsome

man.

I'm Claudia.

Uh, I'm Mary.

I'll explain.

He came here with a neighbor because his wife is at home with the mailman.

I've heard about couples like you.

Thanks, Sandra.

Oh, I better be going.

If my husband had been like you,

I might still be married.

Oh, my.

It's the driver of a white Rolls Royce.

DC license plate.

AD70421 here.

Oh, after the dance, I'd like to speak with you personally for a few minutes.

Oh, honey, are you going now?

Oh.

Oh, hi, lesbian.

Hey, Rolls. Now that you've met someone, do you think it's all right if I go

home with Mary and take her out? Oh, not at all, and thank you.

Lester! Jeannie, what are you doing here?

I was about to ask you the same thing.

Oh, this is my neighbor, Rose Holloway. Hi.

Lester agreed to bring me down here when my date couldn't make it at the last

minute. Yeah, what's your excuse?

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm here because I'm divorced.

Come on, Rose, you promised me the next eight dances.

Only eight?

Divorce? What are you talking about? What about all that stuff you told Mary

me? I lied.

Lester, nobody expected me to get divorced. I was supposed to live happily

after. But it didn't work out that way.

Not exactly a success story, huh?

Well, don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll meet someone else.

Hey, baby.

I'm Russell.

Your opportunity of a lifetime.

Want to dance?

Um, she's dancing with me.

Hey, Mama!

Bye, Doctor. Thank you.

Oh, he was rough.

Can you find me another doctor?

Hey, Bill Cosby was busy, okay?

Hello? Hi, Mary.

Girl, I'm having a wonderful time. And I met this great guy.

Oh, he's got a badly sprained ankle, but he'll be all right. Oh, good. Let me

talk to Lester.

Well, he's busy right now.

Busy? Doing what?

The twist.

Get down, Lester!

Oh,

he met an old girlfriend, Jeannie something or other.

Jeannie?

Rushing me, Mary.

My leg's almost broken.

Look, the doctor said to exercise it. He didn't say tonight.

I'm going to wait in the lobby. There's a couch I can put my leg up on.

Mary, what is this, a 227 convention?

What are you doing here? Ray, drug me down here.

Worried about Rocha. You sure this doesn't have anything to do with Lester?

Lester? Of course not.

Where is it? Let me take you to it.

ought to tell you. There's no slam dancing here.

Well, it's time to get back to spreading my charm. You know, I never had to

entertain men and women before.

Mary,

what are you doing here?

Practicing being a parent without a mate.

I think I'll get some cold drinks.

We'll go with you.

Well,

now I can see why you didn't make it back.

You're the one who wanted me to come down here to this dance.

And I suppose I told you to dance with Miss Jumping Bean.

I didn't know she was going to be here.

I bet she did.

Probably pushed that garbage can in front of Ray.

Mary, don't be ridiculous. There's nothing going on here.

I'm back.

Handsome.

Oh, who's this?

The wife or the girlfriend?

Try the Terminator.

All right.

I thought you said you two were swinging.

Uh, I can explain that. Not in this lifetime.

Look, man, I've had enough of this. I'm going over and sit down until you cool

off. You'll be sitting a long time.

I know what you're probably thinking.

I bet you do.

There's nothing going on between Lester and me.

You ought to know him better than that.

Look, to be very honest, I've always been a little bit jealous of you.

Of me?

You're the one who always had all the boys.

Yeah, but you found the right one.

You and Lester were meant for each other. It'll always be that way.

I just wish I had been that lucky.

Oh, gee.

I feel so silly.

Of course, now, if you don't want him... Never mind.

Excuse me.

Somebody caught my eye.

Honey.

Oh, you talking to me?

Okay, I overreacted. I'm sorry.

Forgive me?

Beg me.

Oh, all right, I forgive you.

I mean, a little jealousy, over -imagination, and the next thing you

can be a parent without a mate.

Yeah, well, that's never going to happen to us, I guarantee it.

But there is something I want to tell you. What?

I'm going to run away with Jeannie.

That's right, you better hold my hand.

Okay.

Hi, everybody.

The next dance is the last dance.

Mary, how long do I have to stay here?

you know each other? Know each other?

We were married.

But Ray's our postman.

I told you he worked for the government.

Shall we?

As long as it's not our last dance.

Promise.

We might as well dance.

Oh, but I have a sprained ankle.

Well, Ray, it can only be an improvement.

Jeannie and Ray, who would have believed it? The divorce I can believe is the

marriage I have a problem with.

Four kids?

Oh, I love children.