All language subtitles for Birds of a Feather s12e04 Going, Going, Gone

What'll I do when you are far

away and I am blue? What'll

I do when I'm alone?

Oh, Reginald, you really raised your
game this evening.

My dear Foxy, the pleasure was all mine.

Victor, you did Austria proud tonight.

Liebchen.

That really was an Academy Award winning
performance.

Tracy! Trollop.

I've had three blokes in here.

Are you cutting dandle?

Everyone knows you need four to play
bridge, Tracy.

That's what you're calling it now, is
it?

I've got an impressionable teenager
living here. Yeah, well, Travis is out.

And when he is in, he spends most of the
time on the internet. My guarantee is

not watching Postman Pat.

Exactly.

Travis isn't interested in a bunch of
old codgers coughing and wheezing their

way to ecstasy.

You were at the theatre watching Jersey
Boys and having a Chinese.

Because the tickets Sharon bought were
moody.

How was I to know?

You bought them off a bloke called Moody
Dave.

Well, you were the one that handed over
the cash before checking that Jersey

shouldn't have a Z in it.

So I reckon you're the one that's let me
down.

What? I'm the one that's out of pocket.

All right, I'll pay you back.

How? I've just had to top up your
oyster. the card because you're so

gave you 20 quid last week. A few bob
from a lucky bet on the horses.

Not luck, Trace.

Perseverance.

When are you going to bring in a proper
wage? Well, if you don't mind... I

haven't finished with you yet.

How long do you plan on sitting round
here on your jacksie?

Well, if you had a job, you wouldn't be
able to watch me all day, would you?

What was that?

I didn't hear anything.

like that.

Bunny is a senior high court judge.

No, he's not. He's a dirty old perv. I
think they have to be, Trace.

You're not having oldies in my house.

Oh, come on, Trace.

She's just filling her boots before one
of her bits sees up.

You have no right to dictate to me how I
live my life.

You are being very judgy, Trace. While
you're living in my house, so I can be

judgy as I like. You two are as bad as
each other. A sponger and a tart, who

both think they can pay me for a mug.
Well, that's it. I've had enough. You

both pack your bags. You're being
ridiculous.

Do you think so?

You aren't welcome here until you learn
to act your age, and you can only say it

if you get another job and pay me back
for those tickets.

Mucking about, Trace.

You don't mean it. You would chuck us
out.

She definitely doesn't mean it.

Give her a minute, she'll let us back
in.

Oh, you know her so

well.

Why did you have to go and buy forged
tickets, you moron?

You were the one that sent her over the
top, shipping your boyfriends in by the

busload. I have done nothing wrong.

Oh, so you were just playing cards up
there, yeah? Yeah.

Most of the time.

Exactly. So this is down to you.

So what are you going to book us into?

The Ritz?

The Savoy?

I'm an agony aunt for a cheap magazine,
not Oprah Winfrey.

Travel lodge it is, then.

Even that may be out of our reach. I've
left my purse inside.

Have you got yours?

Yes, but it's full of fresh air and dead
flies.

I've got an idea.

I'll call Brendan. Who's Brendan?

He's my ex -landlord from Edmonton. He's
also a part -time benefit scrounger

with connections to the criminal
underworld. Oh, fantastic.

And how are we going to get to Edmonton?
We've got no money.

You

actually

lived here?

And all of them crap.

What's that smell like burning plastic?

Oh, that'd be the crap den upstairs.

Trust me, it's a godsend. Hides the
stink of the drains.

Don't turn your nose up.

You're lucky that Laszlo, who normally
keeps here, has gone back to Hungary for

an holiday.

I can see why he'd need one.

For the working poor of London, this is
luxury.

In a couple of years, even these will be
executive apartments for...

Hipsters with silly beards.

It's ethnic cleansing of the working
class. That's what it is.

Well, any sort of cleansing in here
would be welcome.

Is there a bathroom?

No.

It's all right.

I'll steady it for you.

No. I can't. I can't. I must have
porcelain.

I'm only joking, Dore.

Bathroom's through there.

Just don't put the extractor on.

It blows instead of sucks.

You'll end up with a lungful of whatever
them in the crack den had for dinner

last night.

Oh, my God.

It couldn't be any worse.

Well, it used to be when we had
cockroaches.

They've gone now.

The rats set them.

You have rats?

No. I borrowed a Jack Russell from the
nice prostitute next door.

That's all I'm off.

Isn't nature wonderful, Dor?

It's like a little ecosystem in perfect
balance.

This place is intolerable, Sharon. You
can't make me stay here.

Yeah, it can get a bit hairy. out there.

You wait till Saturday.

It is just one night, isn't it? I mean,
Travis will make Tracy see how unfair

she's been. He and I do have that
special bond.

What, I can have her room?

What, are you on the street?

Well, she's not going to be you, isn't
she?

Yes!

Now that I haven't got to pick up after
those two, I can be there just for you.

Do you want me to make you a nice hot
chocolate?

Why not, eh?

I think I'll have a long soak in my
bath, then slide into my king -sized

Could you bring my hot chocolate up,
Mum? Of course.

Hold on. I'd better change those sheets
first.

There really should be a lock on that
door.

Took it with me when I left.

Along with the light bulbs, curtain
rings, bull cock.

Well, it's what you do, isn't it?

Besides, flat this size.

Ain't like you don't know when someone's
in the bog.

So why have you come in here?

I need to go.

Are you going to be long?

Can't hurry. Good skin care.

You want to get them world of quid wet
wipes.

One swipe and you're done.

It's also really good for getting
limescale off a kettle.

Probably play havoc with my epidermis.

Oh, no, I'd never use them down there.

fault. I said I wanted to go.

That is disgusting.

Get out. Get out.

Sharon.

Who the bloody hell are you?

Who are the bloody hell you?

This is my flat.

Temporarily. I'm Carla.

He'll let me sleep here while he's on
holiday.

Yes, well, I'm sorry, but we have a
binding agreement with the landlord.

So whatever loose arrangement you have
made with your brother has been

superseded.

Sure he's going to want to stay now?

Yeah, well, in Hungary, she's probably a
professor of English.

Of course.

And doctor of philosophy and award
-winning architect.

But I prefer come here, scrub floors,
clean crappy toilets for one pound less

than minimum wage.

Is we have a right to be here.

Okay, okay.

You can stay.

No, no, no, no, no, no. We are in
charge.

We get to say if you can stay.

What is answer?

Would you like an alarm call in the
morning?

Where is she?

She left early for her cleaning job.

So I borrowed a fiver off that nice
prostitute and nipped out and got us a

bulk.

Excellent.

I don't suppose you've had a text from
Tracy begging us to come back?

No.

No, me neither.

There's a cold, heartless sigh to her.

When we were kids, she knocked me out of
our Wendy house.

It was pouring rain.

I was absolutely soaked.

The dye run out me navy blue knickers
all down me legs.

My mum thought I had varicose veins.

Well, I sincerely hope you're not
weakening.

Last night was a triumph.

Really? I slept on the floor of a 21st
century slum.

Had a coat for duvet, a stale loaf of
bread for a pillow, and the Hungarian

women's snoring champion as a roommate.

But I survived.

I took the worst this place could throw
at me.

But is my spirit broken?

No, it is not.

But if I go groveling now to Tracy, then
all my suffering will have been in

vain. We have to show Tracy that we are
strong, that we will not be dictated to.

Are you with me, Sharon?

I can flash that again in a minute.

You were saying, Dot? I said, are you
with me?

All the way.

Where are we going?

Those two want to live under my roof.

They've got to abide by my rules.

It's my way or the highway.

They're not taking me for a mug anymore.

Mum, you're talking to yourself again.

Dot? I think you missed Doran, aren't
you? Show him more than you're letting

Rubbish. I like... Not having them under
my feet gives me more time to spend

with my baby.

I'm not a baby, Mum. I'm 18.

Oh, no.

You're growing up so fast.

I'm already grown up.

I'm a man.

Look, I can vote.

I can drink lager in a pub. I can join
the army. I can even have sex if I want

to.

No, I haven't.

You need a girlfriend for that, but I
could.

Well, you're still not too old to spend
time with your mum.

Let's go out later.

I'm already going out with my mates. You
can feed them any time. Let's go to the

pictures. No.

People might think we're on a date.

Just tell them you're out with your mum.

Yeah, that'll make it better.

Well, don't be so silly. We can go for a
burger. It'll be nice.

I'll get you a milkshake.

I need them too, and I've got my Travis.

Calls me nothing but trouble. Mum,
you're talking to yourself again.

Dear, tired of Solly Hull, where are you
going?

Oh, I just thought I'd pop out, get one
of those smelly candles, you know, cover

up some of the more exotic pongs wafting
through the estate.

Also, it means I can get out from under
your feet, you know, let you get on with

your work. Oh, thank you, that's very
thoughtful.

Well, all for one and one for all,
sister.

Dear Tired of Solly Hull, it is time to
be selfish and

treat yourself to a damn good pampering
as I write to you from

my palatial villa in the

south of France, sipping on my martini.

completely at ease not even

the sound of distant thunder can upset
my

equilibrium i just

concentrate on the sound

of the class

Travis. Not trying to creep out without
me, was you?

No.

I heard someone at the door.

Right, shall we?

I'll let you two talk.

All right, Trace? What do you want?

You're looking well.

What do you want?

Have you missed me?

The house is quieter and tidier.

I can open a packet of biscuits and know
there'll be some left when I go back an

hour later.

And you know that funny smell I can
never put my finger on?

It's gone.

I bought you this.

Do you think I'm going to let you back
in here because you buy me some cheap

scented candle from World of Quid?

It's mango and wild cranberry.

I could have done with that when you
lived here.

Is that it?

Dorian says that you've got a cold,
heartless streak.

But I'll put it straight. I said, oh,
it's my... Have you got another job yet?

No.

But I've got a dead cert in the 330 at
Kempton.

Did you not listen to what I said?

Bring in a regular wage or you can find
someone else to ponce off.

This will not break me. I am Foxy. I
will survive.

Foxy is strong.

Foxy is a winner.

aunt. You may have seen my program.

Marital problems are my speciality.
Maybe I can help. What?

Who's that?

Must be one of them lesbians squatting
in Laszlo's flat.

I just had Aunty Shau on the phone.

Oh, yeah? What's she want?

I don't want to make things worse, Mum.

She offered me money to persuade you to
let her come home.

I don't even care.

What money?

She hasn't got any money.

Her horse came in. She rang me from the
bookie.

I know.

It's like sticking two fingers up at
you. Right.

I'm going to have her.

This is how you're going to spend your
days now, is it? In here with all the

other mug punters.

Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to
do.

Well, you're not living in my house
unless you get a job.

You may have mentioned that once or
twice before.

Don't you walk away while I'm having a
go at you.

Where are you going?

You can't go in there, you'll get
arrested.

What are you doing?

You've got a job here, haven't you?

Yeah.

This was just a little joke, were you?
Oh, were you?

You think it's funny winding people up,
don't you?

Well... No.

No, not at all.

Well, I do.

You've never seen your face.

Oh, I see what you've done then, Trace.
It's a good one.

Can I come home now?

No.

time, Sharon.

Where did you go to get that candle,
Aberdeen?

You're lucky I remembered to take the
bolt off.

Oh, careful.

Oh, for goodness sake, Sharon.

You've got a back like a mountain
gorilla.

You can even feel the hairs through your
vest.

When did you start wearing a vest?

Who are you?

I am Laszlo.

And you are not my sister.

I just had a dreadful fright.

Yeah, you and me both.

I've just been in bed with a very large,
hairy Hungarian.

Well, don't come round here bragging
about it. I ain't interested.

I'm not bragging. I'm traumatised. I
don't care.

You know what the deal was.

I won't have another man in my bed
again, I promise.

What do you reckon? Shall we let her
back in? Sharon, is that you in there?

Judas.

You double -crossing turncoat.

Why is she saying that?

You know what she's like.

Right troublemaker.

I say we go back to bed.

Sharon! I'll bring you up a nice cup of
tea.

Does Tracy know you accused her of being
cold and heartless?

You told me she said that.

Come on, Trace.

I mean, who are you going to believe?

Her?

Or your own flesh and blood?

Next, when you're starting out on a new
life, your past is never far behind, as

Johnny is about to find out in All New
Jericho.

And there's more brand new drama this
week here on ITV with Mr Selfridge

tomorrow at nine, and the start of a new
series of Vera on Sunday at eight.